HOW GRIEF CHANGES THE DYNAMICS OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS | Where do widows fit in? | One Happy Widow

[@OneHappyWidow]

Did you family dynamics changed when you became widowed?

[@Linda-gc6le]

See I kinda of went through something like this. My husband died of covid. He didn't think he was that sick and he was only sick for 5 days before he pass. My mother in law made comments like why I didn't take him sooner to the hospital. I felt like she was selfish with her pain. She would cry so loud all the time, enough though, she didn't want me to tell my son he had pass.She was very involved with the funeral like clothes and casket. I didn’t agree with everything. I believed she felt like no one was taking in consideration her pain because everybody was just acknowledging. I felt bad for her. I wanted to cremate him but she wanted to bury him at that time. I didn't know if I was speaking out of pain. I just wanted to be alone but I didn't want to have any regrets so we buried him. My husband said he didn't care because he would be dead. We believed that money and time should be spent while we are alive. MIL helped paid for funeral and his side is very protective of his grave like everyone who leaves something I get a called like do u know who left this. Could be the grief speaking but I don't care. I go visit his grave site but I don't obsess over it I feel like I was a good wife to him we were together for so long I loved them and respected him when he was alive.

[@OneHappyWidow]

It is a common story when other family members try to take ownership of the death arrangements, it's almost like they are jealous that you are getting the "grief spotlight" but I just don't understand any of that. I'm so sorry you went through all of that! #widfam

[@NonaHare-hg8vo]

He committed suicide with depression and verbal abuse. Being married to him 56 years him telling me I know I’m verbal abusing to you. Now friends “so called”began defending him to me. Yes, he was good to other people, yet when the door closed behind him he had his fits as he called them. No one saw that!! I stayed with him and now no one saw or heard them. 19:41

[@anthonylarkins7244]

I went through a hurtful and hateful situation with my in-laws. They blamed me and try to physically jump on me in the funeral home the morning when I had to view my wife before everyone came. They posted hateful things about me on FB and the week after she died they start calling so they can come over and get her belongings.. They all stopped talking to me after I have helped many of them, gave money when they didn’t have, provided jobs to them. It was and still is haunting me and my daughter who was 16 years old and lost her mom. Very hateful people!

[@wandasewell4501]

Yes, I had problems with women on both sides. I felt like saying shut Up!

[@rhondawilkins_]

The STIGMA that is still attached to WIDOWS is awful~people act like we have LEPROSY! I'm coming up on 4 years Widowed in October 2021 .....and I MISS & LOVE KEITH 💔❤and I will everyday for the rest of my life.Don't even get me started on BLENDED FAMILIES 👪 and biological vs. step.I'm just gonna write a 📖 book.I was married 25 years and I'm content SINGLE ~not having to deal with all the chaos of " dating, remarriage, part, half, step, bio, whatever!"

[@OneHappyWidow]

I agree, people act like widowhood is a contagious terminal illness! And the blended family thing…sigh….it’s the hardest part of moving forward for sure. We are in counseling as we speak to learn how to better manage our blended family. It’s no joke! #widfam

[@nikkipage9132]

AMEN!

[@djenkins853]

@@OneHappyWidowI feel like others think it will rub off on them if they spend time with you.

[@Jodiek-g3y]

I say that all the time "people act like I have Leprosy and I'm contagious". 3½ yrs since I lost my husband. I barely have left my home or even go outside these 3½ yrs. I lost all my family & friends too. I don't know why they quit communicating with me. I never asked for money, help, nothing, etc. It hurts 1000% more trying to recover the loss of my entire world I knew before. My depression is over the top from all this.

[@pamklus2061]

I can relate to this 100%. Hard to figure where you fit in anymore when spouse is gone..

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, it is hard! #widfam

[@Cindyscrossstitch]

Sometimes people are just jerks. We forgive them and move on. I am glad you honored his wishes. 🌻🌻

[@OneHappyWidow]

You are so right…life is hard enough without holding on to anger or bitterness!

[@shapell4934]

My mother in law tried to take over when my husband was sick. Plenty of boundaries were crossed. After he passed I had to grieve the loss of him and grieve the loss of his family as well.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Omg this sounds like my situation, although mine tried to take over shortly after the wedding lol. Take that back…we had it out on our wedding day about his dad being the best man and his mom wanted to kick him out…so she didn’t waste any time! #widfam

[@shapell4934]

@@OneHappyWidow we have so much in common. God bless all that you have been through. 💗

[@patcharlton8837]

Me too! 37 yrs of being in his family and now I dont exist to them.

[@gigiz6996]

Thank you! I realize I made a good choice as the mother in law...I told my newly widowed DIL she will always be my DIL. And I allowed her to make all decisions regarding my son's memorial and facilitated making it work in a pandemic.

[@OneHappyWidow]

That’s very generous of you! She’s lucky to have you for a MIL

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

What a loyal, sweet person. You did right. It's so hard to lose a beloved husband. I'm sorry you lost your precious son.

[@gigiz6996]

@@BUBBLESPOGO Thank you.

[@marymacpherson7719]

Observing these inappropriate behaviours during times of grief has taught me to watch my own actions. We are fragile human beings, negotiating stressful times as best we can. Conflicts arise that do inherently change dynamics

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, people seem to view so much from their own perspective...it's hard to walk in someone's shoes that you've never experienced what they are going through before. #widfam

[@francesgreene7455]

Everyone left me like it was a disease they could catch. I was devastated and alone. My closest friend lived in Texas I live in ohio she couldn't afford to come here. His family abandoned me too even though we had been close suddenly 😪 they were gone too. My stepson stayed around for a while, slowly drifted away to.

[@OneHappyWidow]

This seems to be all too common. I’m so sorry this happened to you! Come join our FB group, and be a part of the #widfam

[@donnacapps2012]

I would like to say that I was very blessed with my stepchildren. My husband and I had been married for 13 years and we each had 4 children who were all grown and when Gary passed away from kidney failure his children told me how thankful they were to me for taking care of him and making him happy they never asked for anything and when I was ready for them to get some of his things they were very thankful to me for letting them have what they wanted and when our anniversary came around his daughter sent me flowers to tell me she was thinking of me and once again thanked me for loving her dad so I am blessed

[@OneHappyWidow]

This is so heart-warming! It’s nice to know there are still people out there who know how to treat family after a loved one’s death.

[@kellycottrell7313]

Everything you said is so true…. When my husband passed, his brother and his wife, just wrote me off- we were close, I thought, I knew them for 27 yrs! My husband would be so disappointed in them…my sister never called me when my husband was sick or in hospice! Like really? She still hardly talks to me 3 yrs later! I will say that most of my closest friends have stuck with me. They are all married but I feel fine hanging around them even though i am the only widow. They all treat me great, including their husbands, we are all good friends. My stepson and I are pretty close- he has two kids, who are my grandkids. I love them and they love me, I am very lucky for that. I have wrote off several jerky friends and I don’t miss them, the good ones stuck around. Death does bring out the ugly in people, sad as it is.

[@OneHappyWidow]

This is so typical, and sad! #widfam

[@marywade7213]

I'm a senior who lost their spouse ar the beginning of the pandemic. So no service to begin with. This summer my brother in law was going to be here, so we'd have a memorial service. Well my son & his wife decided on a family reunion for his side of the family with my daughter in law reading a " very short synopsis of what he was like & enjoyed. Decisions made, without my input or desires. It was horrible, as has the time since his passing. I've really just entered the grieving process. No communication with my three children since July. Thank God for my friends. No changes in their interaction with me. Just family.

[@OneHappyWidow]

That’s so sad…I’m sorry! #widfam

[@marymacpherson7719]

Conflict does indeed happen during the grieving process, and can change dynamics for future encounters. Broken trust may never repair. That is ok. Finding forgiveness helps our own heart, but may not necessarily repair the relationship. Life is complicated. God bless.Take care.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Wise words for sure! #widfam

[@debbieroberts600]

I can Relate to all of this, when my Husband Passed Away!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback! #widfam

[@sherylharrison5221]

This is so true with in-laws I experienced it one year ago when my husband passed with my sister in-laws, but I stood my ground and honored my husband wishes and none of the family came, but I have peace because I did what he wanted. And I have not regrets! You are very encouraging!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Way to stand your ground! #widfam

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

My husband's mother was a narcissistic attention getter, and he never had a close relationship with her. He became a Christian 20 years ago, and she made sure she ran him ragged before he died even though she is perfectly capable and healthy to take care of her own needs. I always knew she was a creep, but when he died, the real MIL and only sister came out to make sure to torment me in my grief. I immediately put strict boundaries and then completely cut them out of my life afterward. Absolutely no loss whatsoever there. We never had much to do with them except to do things as needed for the MIL. They showed no respect and compassion whatsoever on the death of their only son and brother Selfish, nasty individuals of the worst sort.

[@theprettystitch7092]

I always say death and weddings bring out the best and worst in people. It is still true. My husband died almost 6 months ago. My family really was THERE for me and my kids to the point where it shocked me. I know they have always loved me, but the extent of their support was and is amazing. They are still supporting me in this. The grief struggle is all to real. However, my in-laws.... They were extremely dysfunctional before, but let's just say I felt like I was in the middle of a bad Lifetime movie right after he died. Things have simmered down a bit, since then, but I am now very careful. I have set some major boundaries that I will not allow them to cross going forward. I still love them and I know they are grieving too. I have forgiven them and I do pray for them. They are in God's hands. It is not my job to fix them, be their therapist, or verbal punching bag. My kids well-being and safety are my top priority, and I also need to protect myself from any type of toxic "shenanigans" as I call it. My kids and I have been through enough, and we are trying to grieve and find our new normal.

[@OneHappyWidow]

What a healthy way of looking at a tough situation! I’m proud that you are able to see your in-laws with such peace in your heart. You are right that it’s not your job to fix them…and you have to do what’s best to protect your children. #widfam

[@blissstitchsewing]

My husband passed 5/23/21 💔 My co-workers, friends, family, in-laws have all been wonderful to me. I’m lucky to have my support system. I’m going on a cruise with our “couple” friends in a few weeks.

[@OneHappyWidow]

You are one of the fortunate few…you have an awesome tribe! #widfam

[@DebDoesReadings]

My husband passed away March 21, 2013. Every year we were married and with our own kids for 21 years, we would spend Mother’s Day with my children’s Grammy. That May of 2013 I waited to hear from my husbands sister what the plans were for Mother’s Day. Nothing… at all… I found out they all went out without me and her grandchildren out to dinner without us. I bawled my eyes out for days after that bc that’s when I realized I was officially out of the family. Extremely shocking. You help so many people out there keep doing what your doing and thank you ❤️

[@OneHappyWidow]

That was terrible to do that to you! Karma…is all I have to say about that. Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@lindabuono7893]

My husband passed away 5 months ago, and I can relate to just about everything you said. It's not easy for family or friends. I try and take it just one day at a time and enjoy spending time with my family and friends that God had blessed me with.

[@OneHappyWidow]

It’s a task to find a new friend group, but many times fellow wids can give us support! #widfam

[@debedeshaies5515]

My husband went to be with the Lord he transitioned to heaven in December and my family has not been supportive at all in fact everything's just been one big mess and I don't even have my own place anymore I lost most of my furniture most of my belongings were taken and I had to get rid of without choice but God promised me he would restore factory what has been taken. It's been so hard and I have no one to talk to and the few friends I have who are single they can't believe relate they do their best however I am looking to reach out to some people's anyone who can help me get through this time I haven't found any grievances or any support here in Florida if anybody can reach out there will be deeply appreciated thank you

[@OneHappyWidow]

Come and join our FB group at facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@Linda-gc6le]

@@debedeshaies5515 Hello Debie, I just lost my husband too. I'm from Florida too. It's hard for sure.

[@lindathompson9334]

It's amazing how terrible people can act when someone in the family passes. I did not have to deal this when my husband died this February because our parents and siblings had already passed. When my grandmother died it was terrible. She had nothing of monetary value but her kids fought over every little funeral detail and every picture, etc. It was awful. You hit the nail on the head. Do what your spouse wanted and what's best for you and your kids. If others don't like it, that's their problem. I'm so glad to see you back. Have a good school year.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and for your support! #widfam

[@lilysarpong6189]

I can relate to almost everything you are saying...is been only 9 months... not easy

[@OneHappyWidow]

I figured this topic would be relatable to many viewers! #widfam

[@deniselakatos5418]

Although it has been about 22 years since I lost my Jerry, I vividly remember talking with his step-mother shortly after he died and she said she said was angry with him (Jerry) because he left all his money to me and not to his son. I asked her if she meant the son who only came around for money when he was alive. That ended that conversation but the down-side was that I stayed away from his family functions after that for fear I did not know what I would say to her if we met face-to-face. It would not have been pleasant and I did not want to subject others to that mess as we were all trying to move forward. ps: Welcome back Leo!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Death does seem to divide families all too often! And thanks for your support! #widfam

[@donnaneuhaus9054]

I watched this two times because it affected me so greatly 26 years ago and still brings back bad memories. I don’t understand how friends can do this to widows. I was 53 then, I asked two different couples (good friends) if I could go to dinner with them and that I would pay my own way. I just missed being with them. They didn’t get it. One told me I was pretty brazen and that was my brother. So I decided that I needed to make a new life two years later. I meet someone my son was ok with it my daughter wasn’t. My in-laws thought I was horrible for moving on. I am happily remarried. What I would like to know is are widowers treated the same as widows?

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can share my experience, since I am remarried and my husband is a widower. His friends and family most certainly turned on him! His 3 children (all grown) thought he was awful for dating/marrying me- one of them still hasn't met me and we have been married almost 2 years! His church friends told him to spend more time grieving, and to stay away from me, as if I might be some sort of gold-digger. No one cared if he was actually happy, or asked what he wanted for his own life. People judge us based on their own values and standards, forgetting that we might have different ones that we choose to live by. And I don't understand why they give criticism instead of support. We are grown people, we know what we are getting into. We aren't asking anyone for financial help, but yet it seems like everyone was against us getting together. My children have accepted it for the most part, but they didn't have as much choice, since they were all living at home. You know who has stuck by us through thick and thin with never a single judgement? Our dogs lol! I guess we will keep them. #widfam

[@bobbyhousley9877]

Thanks for sharing. Not always easy...one of the hardest things to accept was when I heard in my spirit....when God has another plan, say yes and just walk on...but we have to.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Very true!

[@agiigisttv]

I enjoyed your comments thanks darling

[@naomiferreira8255]

Your videos are very therapeutic. Wish I could give this video a thousand ⭐️ it takes time to find your happy place after your spouse dies. Take care and be well.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for watching, and for your kind response! #widfam

[@maggiegregg5533]

Thank you! Yes, widowhood is very weird. People don’t know how to talk to me and I will communicate too much with them. My husband was my bestest friend, my one and only person-45 1/2 years. We did EVERYTHING together. There are few places I feel comfortable going to any more. Thankfully my family has not interfered and has let me do what I need to do. (Maggie)

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and sharing your experiences. After 45+ years with someone, that is a hard adjustment to life without them! #widfam

[@mshockey73]

My husband died on May 15th of this year. I have to say, fortunately there was no drama. His family was very accommodating, but honestly I haven't heard much from them since he died. To be fair I haven't gone out of my way to contact them either. I hope if there's a heaven above hubby is up there looking down and proud of how we all handled ourselves during that very difficult time. 😥

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching

[@glynnyschiavoni8896]

Beautifully said. God bless you and your family.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks, you too! #widfam

[@kbenton8609]

My issues were with the grown stepdaughter. I was married to her dad for almost 22 years and she never really accepted me. I am lucky that when he was in hospice she didn't come in and try to decide everything but then again the doctors were very direct and would only talk to me. When he died I gave her all of the things that he had asked me to give her and shortly after that I didn't hear anything else from her. My in laws had passed on years ago so there was no issue with that. As for friends it was like all of them, married or single just disappeared. I felt like they thought death was a disease and if the came around it would get them. My kids and grandkids are who I spend most of my time with and for right now that works.

[@OneHappyWidow]

The step-daughter story is all too common. And as for your friends…well, they haven’t realized that being alive is a fatal diagnosis- and nobody gets out alive. We truly need to normalize grief. #widfam

[@paulastrachan4053]

I haven't had to deal with a lot of this, simply because we were a best friends type couple who lived a couple of hours away from the relatives and were good just hanging out together without much of a social life. Of all things, his brother asked me for the electric train he had as a boy. I've never even seen the thing. My husband had told me it was in the storage building. I took my BIL out there and told him he could have it if he found it, but he didn't find it. If I run across it sometime, I'll give it to him. But if I had any interest in it, I would keep it! We were serious music fans, both collectors, and still had a lot of vinyl. They asked if they could have any vinyl I didn't want. We had multiples of many things, and our tastes overlapped, but were not the same. I sorted through the collection and gave them about half. When I was told by the funeral home they needed 60 photos for the montage to be shown at the funeral, my SIL invited herself right back down here, bringing photos, and in my fuzzy state, I let her pick 30 pictures. One night months later, watching the video, I realized that in my numb fresh grief, I had let her take over to the point that there wasn't a single picture of my husband with my parents, and only one with my brother. All the pictures in the montage of him with family are with THEIR family. It sounds like a small thing, but I paid for that to be online in perpetuity, and there is nothing of him with my parents. It really made me ticked off when I realized it. They both call once in a blue moon to check on me, but we'll never be close. We are very different. My husband was very different from them. It's horrible that your family didn't give your children--or you-- gifts that first Christmas. Money isn't the point. There are so many small thoughtful gifts that cost little, that would have been a way of showing they wanted to try to do something to show they cared for everyone.

[@OneHappyWidow]

It sounds like you were more than generous to your husband's family. As for the pictures, I would have been ticked off too, but also figure that she was looking at the pictures and choosing from her point of view, and probably wasn't even thinking of your husband's relationship with his own in-laws. It astounds me sometimes how people's perspective can be so inward sometimes! #widfam

[@LeonReads]

It seemed that you are really having a hard time, especially when the lost is so dear to you as well.... and yes, you can control your own actions, not others, so don't focus on what you can't control 'cos it will only give you more stress than comfort.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Wise advice! #widfam

[@AlanCSXFan]

I didn’t experience what you did with your in-laws, but I already knew some of what could/would happen. When my wife died I had been working as a funeral director for 25 years. I knew what to do from one side of the desk, but had no clue what went on, on the other side. For 25 years I had been telling people what to do, but when it was me on the other side, I was clueless. You are right. Unless the deceased has a legal document with their wishes in it, it’s up to the spouse to make the decisions. It’s never easy. Thankfully I would suggest and everyone agreed, and I also asked if there was something I left out that someone wanted to include. Things have been very different since my wife passed away in regards to her family, but thankfully we do find ways to get along. That’s not to say occasionally there are not hurt feelings.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m glad you can have a cordial relationship with her family. And maybe going through your own experience on the other side of that desk will give you a new perspective on dealing with future customers/clients. Unless you aren’t doing that job anymore…thanks for sharing! #widfam

[@micheleconlan1471]

May I ask for help/advice? I married my husband when I was 18, after 37 happy years he died. It's been 7 years and I just can't seem to find my path. I am totally alone, lost and would be so grateful for help. Even direction as to who to ask for help. Thank you very much.

[@OneHappyWidow]

If you are still feeling this stuck after 7 years, I would suggest professional help to get you out of complicated grief. A doctor, a counselor, clergy, or a group such as grief share would be some places I would start. Best of luck to you, and prayers being sent your way!#widfam

[@ky7398]

After a while, after understandable awkwardness period of being a new widow in social circle and family dynamics, I realized I needed to reexamine the relationships. My kids and Their families are wonderful. We got thru our grieving by stay close together. When it comes to my in law, I understand they are also grieving, but it never can be compared with mine as spouse and also care giver during his illness. I did not see any respect for that. And as it is, I leave it as it is as they heal themselves as I heal myself. I lost social friends as he passed away.

[@OneHappyWidow]

This seems like a very typical scenario, unfortunately. We do what we need to in order to grieve and then survive.

[@sherylclements2846]

You go girl!! My family has railroaded so much of my own life and completely took over when my own mother passed, took everything they wanted and then ignored me completely for years. We’ve somewhat reunited but now I’m a lot stronger and my own person now and they don’t like it. I’m also getting my trust and advance directives in order now leaving everything I have to a close friend who didn’t understand at first but when I explained why and it’s the only way what I want will be respected and done had no problem saying yes to my request. Get these things set in stone now and way before anything happens, whether married or single. A video will in addition is also a good idea. Thank you for your channel!! It’s helped in a lot of ways and I admire you for not only having gone through what you have but are stronger for it and blessing others with your sharing your journey.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and for your support! #widfam

[@Melissabella]

I'm so glad you're back! I can always relate to your experience. You're very calming and I appreciate that. So, let me tell you about my in-laws. My husband was cremated and I gave his family half of his ashes. He never wanted a funeral, he wanted a party. I had planned a memorial gathering at our home a few months after he died, so I would have the strength to make it a party he would enjoy. All of our friends knew this. About a week after his ashes came back I read ON FACEBOOK that his family was having a funeral for my husband at a church he had left years before and would be buried next to his mother. I was not even mentioned. I sent a note to our friends telling them that if they were invited to his family's funeral to please attend if they wanted to. I'd still have my memorial party in a couple of months and I looked forward to seeing them then. I said my husband loved to be the center of attention, so this was quite an opportunity for him. People were very kind considering how weird it was. I haven't spoken to any of his family since.

[@OneHappyWidow]

WOW! How bold of them to do this against his wishes! And not invite you…and now not speak to you???? The nerve of people just never ceases to amaze me!

[@Melissabella]

@@OneHappyWidow Death really does bring out the worst in people. Also the best. You really find out who your friends are.

[@nikkipage9132]

Can I relate?! Here is one for the books! So my husband was the black sheep and scapegoat of his family of origin. My FORMER.. love that word! Former in laws were/are toxic. When they tried to extend the scapegoatism to my children, I cut that off right quick, early on. We became estranged. When Denny became ill, two of his sisters were right in there making demands and accusations. He was depressed not ill they said. And because the stupid drs, couldn't figure it out, of course that was fodder for those two. Dennis had COPD and comorbidities. He lived in a hell for 6 years. When one day he could no longer swallow, we knew he had to go to a facility which he said would never happen. So he sent me to the store, and while I was gone, he took his life. I do not feel guilty in the least. He always said to our youngest son, "I will never go into a hospital, when its my time I am walking into the woods." He had severe chronic fatigue so he could not get down 3 steps, so in his way, he walked into the woods, and I support his decision. There is no death with dignity act in Florida. We had talked about taking him out of state but he was too sick. Hospice was so useless. Unless you go to their facility, its useless. So in come the former in laws and they band together, even though they were all estranged from each other! But because my youngest daughter wanted to tell the two aunts whom she was close to, herself, but I kept saying, Hey! the days are passing, when are you calling them, let me call his brother and let him do it, well she insisted! My son called the brother who was feigning empathy, while my daughter called the first then youngest aunt, who became a nightmare over the phone. She accused, yelled and hung up on my grieving girl. But here comes the frosting! This wicked witch, called the sheriffs office and accused me of killing him, when that didn't fly, she accused me of neglect and abuse. She went so far as to call Elder Abuse in Florida, but of course there was no proof or basis, the Detective told her over again, he was clean, well dressed, there were food and drinks at his disposal and medications for his ailments, Hospice was involved. But to the end she accused me and I guess my adult children who must have watched and allowed this abuse, of my husband. The only Uncle sent money and cards to my children. I never received a card even. I had no policy. All our savings were used to get him the best possible help. But I have four wonderful children as my legacy and the testimony of our love and passion together. They can put a stone up in the family plot if they want to, because his ashes will go where he asked for them to go. He was a free spirit and he wants to be turned out to the places he and I met and loved. So I am waiting till I pass so we can go together to our love spots. I do feel the heavy cloud of sorrow over my children each day. We are and always will be very close. Only the youngest daughter wants to be a part of one aunt and her Dads brother. They did help her financially when we were losing everything and my girl faced homelessness. But my girl was so loved that she had boundless offers of refuge. She is a college grad and on her own now. Denny was so darn proud of her. The only regret I have, was that I did not kiss my man before I left for the store. How I wished that I had held him, but he never wanted to be hugged or kissed as he was struggling to breathe and swallow, I understood and respected his boundaries. But I want to tell you this, on the 2nd day after his death, I was driving back from my chiropractors appointment. I was so deep in thought about my poor suffering man and all that happened, when I stopped at the light, I saw a cloud formation, his profile, a space, then my profile, we faced each other with puckered lips. That was his goodbye kiss! I wish I had thought to take a picture as I still can't believe it! He showed me a few signs as I lost faith, still have not recovered it. I said if you can show me there is life after death please try. And he did. But I still don't believe the signs he showed me, and yet I want to. Thanks for listening.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh Nikki, you had a TIME!!! This type of situation happens far too often, and every time I hear another story about how a widow was mistreated and family tried to overstep their boundaries, it just makes my blood boil! Where is the dignity? Is there no sanctity within a marriage that is recognized by other family members? Ugh, the NERVE of people! #widfam

[@luananoel6786]

OMG! This is 🎯! The only people in my world who even expressed sympathy were my adult kids, my grandsons, sister and my mom. Strangers expressed more sympathy than the rest of my family. My mom and sister have dementia and they were able to comprehend my grief. My husband's mother was already in a memory care unit so thankfully she didn't even know that he died. His sister only cared about possessions and when I told her that she wasn't getting anything stopped all contact with me except to then tell me that I should be ashamed for not letting her see her brother before he died. I, like you, had my husband and adult children but no "couples friends" but the couples in the area where we lived started acting like I was going to steal their husband. As if! And, like you said, everyone thought I had tons of money after he died. Not even close! Thank you for this video. I was beginning to think something was wrong with me. You are so raw and honest about how it is. I needed this today. ❤

[@OneHappyWidow]

I had a feeling many of us would relate to this! #widfam

[@annekevandeven4895]

So true, Leo. Love you ❤️

[@OneHappyWidow]

Love you too! Thanks for watching #widfam

[@laurienash5308]

This happened to me as my husband told me he wanted to be cremated and have a celebration of life without any church service . He had ALS and when he passed , some of my in laws tried to persuade me not to do the cremation . I stuck to my guns but it was very stressful and 3 years later I have heard very little from my in-laws.

[@OneHappyWidow]

That is really sad, but unfortunately way too common for us widows! #widfam

[@nancys.100]

Thank you for this video. I was lucky my late husband encouraged me to go to my knitting group and I did church / Bible study group without him so that was normal. In laws passed away before so lucked out there as well, sorry you had challenges. I know several other widows & a widower on my walking route to chat with and compare notes.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@jamesrobertcrofts543]

Yet again you. Speak how you feel no nonsense Although it's different I had. A situation when my wife divorced me over 35 yrs ago now but other couples did seem to keep away from me because I was a "danger" to their wife being " single "again!! So I can hear exactly what you are saying and your a real beacon for many widowers I'm sure we'll done keep up the good work from Jim in Burbage England a 79 yr old gentleman

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and for sharing your feedback!

[@barbaranelson5177]

Sibling were very hard to handle that is for sure

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m lucky I have a sister who has been my best friend through all this…but his family is a different story for sure. #widfam

[@stormyrollins5155]

@@OneHappyWidow I have a great sister and am so thankful for her!!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Me too!

[@djenkins853]

Omg can totally relate to your story. Child, in-laws, my family and fellow church members because I didn’t do things the way they thought I should. Church members didn’t like it that they didn’t know what was going on. I’ve heard that weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people. It blows my mind how selfish and petty family and others can be when you are grieving your spouse. Even people at church don’t seem to get it.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I agree! Thanks for watching #widfam

[@susanswayngim1854]

My husband hadn't been gone one week before I got a call from my sister wanting to know what I was going to do with his tools! Her husband (who had zero to do with my husband before!) wanted his tools! There aren't enough exclamation marks in the world to describe my shock. I'm still not over that. He's been gone only 3 months so it's pretty fresh still. After that I told everyone his stuff stays until I say different, so don't ask. And they haven't! Nip it in the bud before it gets crazy. Problem is, until widowed you don't know how badly they will behave. I had experienced a little preview when my grandmother passed so I knew! It was still shocking.

[@OneHappyWidow]

How rude!!! I’m glad you stood up for yourself, but it sucks that you even had to! #widfam

[@yannitoob7525]

The same thing happened to me --- the sister-in-law actually DEMANDED things from me in a letter --- My estate attorney warned me there is always one ignorant person in a bunch after someone dies. I'm so glad my wife made us spend all of that money on an estate attorney. I really didn't believe anyone would have the audacity. but here we are ---

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yep, unfortunately it happens all too often! #widfam

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

Oh yes. It's good that you too action.

[@brendapeterson4637]

My husband died july 2018, we were together for25 years. I stayed in contact with his mom and called every couple of months to catch up. We have always had a great relationship. After months of this covid crap twice when I called to chat she didn't answer or call me back. I was worried so I texted my husband's brother to find out if she was ok. He said yes and she just isn't talking to anybody and that she is just old and tired. I wonder if she can't handle talking to me because of the pain of losing her son. Nobody on his side bothers with me. I still send her cards and letting her know I'am thinking about her and that will continue. I love her and it really hurts that she doesn't want to talk anymore. She just turned 85. I just don't get it.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Sounds like it might not just be you, she might just be as your BIL said- tired and not talking to anyone. I can imagine how it feels to be rejected! #widfam

[@brendapeterson4637]

@@OneHappyWidow Thanks, I just don't understand since we had a great relationship. I lost her as well as my husband.All I can do is let her know is I still care for her and wish her well.

[@jd3477]

I agree that your brother-in-law may be right. Being excluded and cut off from normal, every day activities is extremely difficult on someone her age. Depression and withdrawal are serious and so concerning to those of us caring for our elderly parents and dealing with their health and wellbeing. Thank you for continuing to reach out by sending cards and letting her know you care. It’s heartbreaking to see the toll Covid has taken on those we are trying to protect and keep safe.

[@button4631]

With the in-laws issue I was lucky in a way, my husband's parents had both passed already and he had no siblings. But it also meant me and my son had no more connections to that family line. I moved back to New Zealand so I could be near my family and have support, but it made it so much more sad to me because I know my son has noone to contact on his dad's side.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Your son has you and yours family, but it is sad that he is the end of his father’s side. My son feels like this, because he has no brothers and the rest of his dad’s family has written us off…

[@bevcorbett7839]

Thank you Leo...yes..its hard being the third wheel...i tend to withdraw...hide away....we were married 55yrs...he died of Alzheimers disease just over 2 yrs ago...that was isolating too before he died...ppl dont get it and because they feel awkward they just stay away...thanks ...its good when there are those who can understand...

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam

[@anavillarosa6024]

I went through the same things when my husband died 3 years ago. I'm relieved that I am not alone in this.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@CherylB1]

This hits home. All my relationships have been affected by his death. Worst part is my family lives in another country and don’t really understand how much I’m struggling. My in laws felt entitled to furniture in my house. I posted on social media I needed help with property taxes and set up a go fund me account, no one donated, I’m devastated and so embarrassed.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can understand your feelings! Have you been to SS to see if you qualify for any benefits? #widfam

[@CherylB1]

@@OneHappyWidow SS said I can claim survivor benefits at 60. That is like 12 years away. I don’t know what else to do be able to stay in my home if I don’t pay the property taxes. Then don’t really give widows any exemption unless it’s a military spouse. I’m so screwed.

[@bendamichael8894]

When my husband died, his family called and told me they were coming to get their stuff. I asked what stuff and they said "anything you didn't buy. They did just that. It was VERY HARD!!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh my gosh!!! I would have met them at the door with the cops or used my 2nd amendment right to protect my house and home! I'm so sorry they did that, it was wrong.

[@bendamichael8894]

@@OneHappyWidow I was not in any shape to fight at that point. I forgave and moved on.

[@pattycharpentier4686]

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us! It really is helpful to hear about how other people handle situations and how they’re doing and coping. My mother-in-law told me that she had a space for my husband in her plot when he died. I was in such shock that the only question I asked was how many spaces are there, to which her answer was six. I just assumed I was safe to be there because there was so much extra room. Months later when I was making a will I mentioned to her that I had put the burial plot down in my will so that I would be very there if anything happened to me. She told me she didn’t know what was gonna happen and I should put if available in my world. I was shocked! I had been with her son for 27 years, and married to him for 22. I never gotten into a fight with her and she knew that we had had a good marriage. Even though I do get along with her today, there is always that thorn in my side that she would deny me to be buried with her son. I found out later that she knew that she might not let me be buried there the day after he died and you didn’t tell me that to give me the option. She basically tricked me into burying my husband there because I thought I could be there too.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh, that was dirty! Pretty much lying by omission. You can always have him moved, if you wanted to. Might just wait until after she dies, and move him then. I’m so sorry this has happened to you! #widfam

[@djenkins853]

At the burial and Celebration of Life you hear “call if you need anything “. When you call they don’t return your phone call.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I can relate #widfam

[@agiigisttv]

I have gotten my fair share of their trouble

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry about this! #widfam

[@janahinson9952]

Great one! I can relate!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@sc855]

Thank you for sharing your truth, I can relate

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching

[@ninajohnson6578]

We just decided we were friends and are still friends. In law outlaw or other…just friends.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m glad that you are friends…we all need those! #widfam

[@traceyb9540]

This is so true, sad for us, even with family this happens .! Can I asked what is your fb group call. I love to join it, place and thank you

[@OneHappyWidow]

We’d have happy to have you! Www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow or if the link doesn’t work, check out the description below the video and it is posted there too! #widfam

[@marylord501]

I know what your saying and been through so many of the things you said and about other couples there was this one couple and like you said they dont want to bother anymore but the one couple the husband died and I got a phone call asking for help Im a person that cant say no which is the christian way so just to say I was there for her but once everything was over it was different because she stayed with her friends but that is ok so yes I know what it is and yes I did give my husband exactly every thing he wanted also

[@OneHappyWidow]

So many of us have gone through this kind of treatment! #widfam

[@bobbyhousley9877]

Hang in there.

[@OneHappyWidow]

You too! #widfam

[@Molly-eq1ix]

Per an earlier video, your children's grandmother was a real gem and the more you speak about her, the more I shake my head. I lost my husband two years ago. RE: Friends - I did an evaluation of my friendships and honestly, many of them just weren't worth the effort to maintain. Did the tongues click when I started dating and I'm sure when we broke up, it was the source of even more gossip. I strongly urge you to take a look to see if friendships are puppy uppers or doggie downers. RE: Insurance - Gosh, now that you have so much money, why didn't you go into space with Jeff Bezos? Feeding your kids and paying bills is SO overrated! I gave each of my grandchildren a special memento of their grandfather which they treasure. They are stored with their treasures. I'm stunned when I come across people who are under the impression money solves everything. RE: Your Videos....DANG! I missed them. Thanks for the courage and the time to share with all of us. HUGS!!!!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Such wonderful feedback, and I love your use of sarcasm for effect…very much like my own! #widfam

[@sandracrig378]

Oh my gosh! Same, same, same. Step children…yep; actually had my stepson’s wife refer to me as her ex-mother in law. I had married his dad when he was three years old. We were married for 30 years when my husband passed. My husband’s mother ( “not gonna call her my mother in law”) was upset because she did not get to go to help make the funeral arrangements. Of course…she wasn’t paying for any of the funeral; she just wanted to make the decisions. Nope..sorry, I did not invite her to choose anything. We had had a huge split in the family 8 months before my husband passed. He was sick for 18 months. At the time of his death, we were not speaking to his two sons or his mother. One stepson did come visit once after his death…of course, it was at Christmas and he stopped to get the grandchildren’s gifts after he had visited his grandmother since we live beside each other. Talk about awkward…not speaking to my husband’s mother or step-dad who were our next door neighbors. It was their fault; they didn’t even wait til he passed to start causing issues. It was really sad because they stirred up issues while he was very ill. Of course, it was over money. My husband was an only child and their home was in his name. His mom approached my husband and asked him to sign the house back over to them so that they could leave it to his sons. He was devastated. He felt stripped of what should be his. My husband told her NO. Next, she approached me and asked me to sign it over since I had power of attorney. I said no so they got the sons involved to try to Force him to sign the papers. Well…they saw THIS meek little quiet lady tell them what for. Even shocked them and said a couple words they never heard me say before. I stood up for my husband. It broke the family but my husband was so low at that point, I could not allow them to take anything from him. He eventually decided to sign the house back over to his mom. After papers were signed ( at our home because my husband was bedridden) they all thought we could be one happy family again. Nope. Well, Karma has a way of biting you..My mother in law passed away one year later; her husband (step grandfather) SOLD the house and moved out of state. Grandsons got Zero.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m feeling this…sounds pretty much like what happened in our situation, except they started fighting over his life insurance before he was even gone.

[@helenlaboe7532]

My husband died 6 yrs ago. One of his best friends still wants to talk to me abt him. This persons spouse has never been close to me and just don’t want to talk abt my husband with him. He makes me feel guilty but I just can’t do it. We did lots as couples but I don’t feel comfortable so I don’t. My husband used to talk to him lots. 😢😢

[@OneHappyWidow]

Just do what feels right for you.

[@simonecoria6785]

I'm simone have just watched all of your video .and thank you for your advice .similarly is happening with me .its not family. It's just a friend she wants to deal with it all And also the one thing she wants is for me to change my will and change it all over to her .also one friend of mine she has done everything possiable to make me get rid of this friend of mine .and also she trys to dominate the home I live in .and she trys so hard to get rid of this friend of mine but I will not give Into the person. Any advice you can give to me i would be most grateful to you thank you and from my heart i wish you a very happy life and gods blessings on your new marriage you have my blessings god bless you and your husband simone from kent uk bless you both 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@OneHappyWidow]

Hello Simone and thanks for watching! Without knowing your whole situation, it’s hard to give specific advice, but I can tell you this- stand your ground. Not in a mean way, but simply be firm and honest. I know that’s hard because we are usually taught to be people pleasers and don’t want others upset with us. But your needs come first, then you can deal with the needs of others. Maybe just say that you need some time alone to grieve and you’ll talk about other details later when your mind is in a better place. Feel free to join our FB group where we have tons of supportive people that give great advice and comfort! Www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@patricianaidoo4246]

Relate to this.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching

[@healthiabee3832]

I can so relate!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching

[@chrisharris7649]

Part 1 of 3: sorry this is so long... Omg you are soooo right. I have been ghosted & silenced by my own family & the friends I had prior to losing my spouse at 46. No pun intended but it is like "dead silence" and it really passes me off that the people I cared about the most can't even text these simple phrases "love you" "thinking about you". Hey I'm not asking them to say "call me if you need to talk"! Geese that would be too much for those butt heads I guess. Imagine the point where U feel I not only lost my spouse but lost everyone in my life prior to my husband passing. I don't even want to talk to any of them or get together with a single one in my future. I feel I will be starting over a whole new life one day when I'm ready. I think being ghosted is more painful at my 11 mo mark then the loss of my spouse. Is that weird?

[@OneHappyWidow]

Not weird…it’s unfortunately common for us to be “dumped” by friends and family. It’s very unfortunate! #widfam

[@kriskriskris32]

The hardest part about all the people who judge my grief is that they get to home to their lives. I'm the only one who has to stay here in the midst of this loss and deal with it 24/7 and figure out how to live this life. My husband was my home and he's gone. I can't go to that home anymore.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I understand the feeling of that hole in your heart, your life, your heart. #widfam

[@marymedal8665]

I so get it.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@bobbyhousley9877]

Yes...still your mother n law...hard on them too.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I have a MIL, and my kids have their grandmother. I just choose to separate the two. By law, I am no longer married to her son…so I look at it that way.

[@Charalldredge]

Yeah the in law part is my life right now. I’ve learned though and have no time for it . I call them my former in laws. My husband wanted to be cremated with no service . No party. His family doesn’t understand. I went through with HIS wishes. He is at home with me, where he loved to be in life . They TRY and make me feel like if I don’t do what they want I don’t love him. He passed in January

[@OneHappyWidow]

That’s not right that they are trying to guilt you into doing what they want.

[@loriramminger222]

Oh yes I get it!!!

[@OneHappyWidow]

It’s all too common

[@pattiatkins8440]

We had friends that HE knew for 30+ yrs, and since he passed, I didn’t even get a Christmas card!! Maybe they didn’t think it was appropriate but , not 1 card from other friends , from all over the country. I’m not celebrating Christmas anyway but really? Like you said, a card wouldn’t hurt, lol so, I will celebrate Jesus, alone, and that’s all I need. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

[@OneHappyWidow]

People just don’t think outside of their little box very well! I have been thinking about organizing a card exchange, but haven’t been able to figure out how to arrange the address information. That’s a goal of line for next year….maybe I’ll have everyone send them to me with their address and I send them out? Or just let people participate if they are ok with giving out their address to a private group? I’ll have to think on this because I think it would be a really great thing for lots of people! #widfam

[@louisegraham5863]

Darn right

[@OneHappyWidow]

#widfam

[@CandycaneBeyond]

My boyfriend's family considers me part of their family. Family is who you choose to spend time with.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, this is so true! #widfam

[@agiigisttv]

Let alots of in-laws are so trouble some

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, many have experienced this! #widfam

[@judywyman4279]

Yes his sister tried to take ćharge. I stopped ìt ìmediatèly and it has been 4 years and none of them speak to me. But it's ok I wasn't married to you I was married to your brother whom I loved with all my heart and it was my decision.

[@OneHappyWidow]

People try to take over and forget that we were their person and we get to make the final decision on everything.

[@maryd8393]

My in laws just the opposite. They didn't care about him or me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Well, it sounds like you didn’t lose much with them…in-laws are tricky no matter what!

[@maryd8393]

No life is better that way now. I only have my own immediate family. Taking one day at a time. His death dat, April 30, 2021, cancer.

[@marshamagic8551]

They were

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching #widfam

[@bobbyhousley9877]

Your family was rediculous. Your kids should have had Christmas...no matter what.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I concur!

[@stormyrollins5155]

Bobby rediculous is how I describe your spelling lol

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

The MIL and her daughter were rotten to the core when their only son and brother passed. He never had a good relationship with them as his mother was a clueless narcissistic attention getter. He was a loyal, loving person and responded to her demands even though she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. The type that wanted everything done for her They demonstrated absolutely no compassion or kindness when my poor husband died suddenly. Absolute horrors. I put strict boundaries up and flung them out of my life immediately with no regrets. Absolutely no loss there whatsoever. I'm at peace now.

[@OneHappyWidow]

This sounds so much like my situation! The I LH reason I kept in touch with MiL was because my kids requested it.

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

@@OneHappyWidow very 😔 im.glad you anfmd kids are doing well. God bless and take care.

[@snowyowlz5992]

I find being a widower is awkward all around .

[@OneHappyWidow]

I concur! #widfam

[@AnnGreen-o9e]

Family of origin were just dismissive. At weddings, female relatives would not allow me to bring anyone 😮. Apparently I am supposed to be the single relative the rest of my life. I just live my life and look after my special needs son. Possibly the best description would be abandoned.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I have experienced similar as well.

[@cherylbrauner657]

Yes! The in laws have his ashes!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Oh, I’m so sorry! If you were the spouse, you should certainly have first claim to those! #widfam

[@cherylbrauner657]

@@OneHappyWidow yes but they paid because I was trying to get the money for an independent autopsy, but in our state the law states they can pick up the body after 30 days! There went my evidence! They originally stated they would give me half his ashes, but never got them! So I know he is with me in spirit everyday and that was only his body on Earth!

[@louisegraham5863]

No respect id PUT them in place

[@OneHappyWidow]

I have to choose my battles so I don’t get too riled up lol #widfam

[@louisegraham5863]

Their selfish, n forget the love with others but they need 2 look in mirror.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I agree! #widfam