Why You Feel Abandoned by Family & Friends in Grief | Loneliness & Avoidance in Grief

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Here is another video to help! kzbin.info/www/bejne/nZfFgY2OpcylZsksi=zBDzODHLzttU8I8h

[@carmellarkin4803]

My daughter aged 26 and my younger and only sister died within thirteen months. My best friend of seventeen years abandoned me because she couldn’t cope with what happened in my life. People I had worked with for over thirty years pretended they didn’t know. Total strangers have been kinder. Grief is a desert island and no one comes to visit.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm so sorry this all happened. I get what you mean about the desert island. What would make it better for you?

[@rabick62]

You are so right. If my wife came back from Heaven and I told her that her family never calls, never did, she wouldn't believe it. It's just a fact of life that happens, doesn't mean they are bad people.

[@sootyshearwater3631]

@@carmellarkin4803 true

[@MegaPontoon]

I have felt totally abandoned Catherine. After I lost my wife Dawn in January family and friends were great for about a month. I hardly ever hear from them now and I feel totally alone

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Paul! I’ve been emailing! Reach out. Family can drop off and it can be surprising….but don’t forget to notice the people who are wanting to come in too! You are not alone! I can also connect you with two other men who have been in my grief courses who have lost their lives as well!

[@darrelljones3382]

Paul, I know this pain very well. I too am experiencing this as well...

[@MegaPontoon]

Hi Catherine have sent you an email

[@MegaPontoon]

@@darrelljones3382 just feel so alone, scared, abandoned

[@lisamahr8839]

@@darrelljones3382 yes! I can relate!

[@NoMoreTears64]

Its been one month tomorrow. There are a handful of people left who will occasionally ask me how i am doing but for the most part, once the funeral was over, the Facebook support, the texts, and the phone calls stopped. Everyone is into their holiday preps, activities, and food. No one wants to hear or see the anguish and tears of a grief stricken mom.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Your words ring true to a point. We are here for you. Do you want to schedule time to talk?

[@ElisabethMateas-nh8js]

I’m so sorry! Truth be told most are super insensitive and they simply don’t care! God bring an important person who will be there for you! God bless you! I feel the pain you feel

[@heistruth2865]

Hi sweet momma.....❤❤❤

[@Jade-902]

For me, it’s not a *feeling* of being abandoned, it’s I am abandoned. I am alone.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

tell me more about your situation

[@heistruth2865]

Can you share how are things working now? We lost our baby Feb 2024 & this year has been quite lonely as I've asked so many of our friends for their presence & nearly everyone has chosen to only text me they are praying for me.....

[@chuckjenkins373]

I looked and found no one that cares on an every day basis. No close family. No friends now. If i need to "hire" someone to be my friend or not have someone genuine to care about that cares about me also then I will just be alone until I can be with my wife and our next life.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I know lonely too. Let's go find some new quality people to bring into our life!

[@FuttBuckerson]

Even on a yearly basis. If you're an animal person, I can't reccomend a pet enough. My dogs, cats, even my pet rats have been the best friends I could ask for during these hard times.

[@FuttBuckerson]

You lose someone from this existence. That's hard enough. It's harder when the ones alive, who you'd been there for and thought were friends...vanish themselves. It's been 2 years. I feel so abandoned and alone. I never tried nor did dump my grief on others either, because I get it with trauma dumping and the taboo topic of death. It just hurts...ive tried to have empathy and selfless and be that person whose there for others...and when its not reciprocated even a little. I cant help but see others who have lost and the constant support years after...and wonder why I don't have that. It's just painful...those still around don't seem to even think about it, or show any sensitivity or awareness around holidays or certain dates. My best-friend of 22 years hasn't asked me how I'm doing in regards to that in over a year. It's like it doesn't matter. It's been really hard not to be cynical. All I want is the slightest effort of "how have you been? " OR "hey man, I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you, I know this time of the year must be tough, I'm here to talk" Sorry for the rambling diatribe, I've never been one to throw pity parties, and have always prided myself on keeping hard things, like bad health issues i deal with, to myself. It just gets hard sometimes...

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I think almost everyone feels alone in their grief, even those who seem to have support. Be careful not to compare because that is dangerous and people's lives always look easier from a distance. If there was a lesson here, it would be to learn how to love yourself and be enough so that you can heal and have relationships outside of your grief that bring you joy. Your friend may not understand your grief, or remember it, to be honest, because their focus is on their own troubles not yours. Be kind to yourself first so that you can be in a position to reach out without resentment. What have you done to support yourself through your grief?

[@KB-wh9bu]

Completely relate. Feels like they do the perfunctory.."let me know if you need anything", or the occasional text that says, "hey how ya doin", or worse, "merry Christmas " like WTF? But it becomes painfully obvious they don't really want you to call, they don't want to know you're still dying inside, they want you to say, "I'm good "and "merry Christmas "back....they just want to tell themselves they're a good person and "offerred". I do get that people don't know what to do, but how come I showed up for people over and over again, shouldn't that at least serve as an example of the minimum they should want to do for us. Nope... just makes it lonlier because the ONLY person who cared enough to really show up for you is the one who died

[@Wookinpanub235]

@@FuttBuckerson I’ve had decent luck getting people comfortable talking to me about it by simply talking about it myself positively. I try not to feel bad for myself and I literally tell them I’m the same person. Yeah I’ve had several so called friends totally ghost me and I just chalk it up to fair weather friends and yes I do have some resentment over it because I’m human. I just concentrate on the very few friendships that I do have. I also try to make them feel comfortable around me by just talking plainly about it and they actually feel comfortable asking me questions about it because they’re curious talking to someone who is living through something that they can only Imagine as one of their worst fears. I remember telling a friend years ago who lost his Wife and I told him I could only imagine what he’s going through And how I can’t imagine losing my Wife. Well…here I am in the same boat. Funny thing is that guy totally ghosted me because I didn’t want to go out and get drunk with him. Weird.

[@ElisabethMateas-nh8js]

It’s sad because these days people don’t care as much as they used to. We live in an age where they are more selfish than they used to be. Even among the church community, it’s appalling how there is a lack of support among a world full of people where there should be more compassion. There is no excuse for a friend not being there for you in an incredibly horrific life experience. In my opinion when a friend disappears during difficult times, that isn’t a friend at all. Sorry to be blunt but that’s the truth

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I understand. We can choose who we STAY friends with. I try to focus on the ones that DO show up and be grateful for them! ❤️

[@brookecarlock]

My brother asked me, three months after my 10 year-old daughter died, when I was going to "get over it." I've definitely had to find different support systems than I thought I would have. ❤️

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

It is a bit shocking isn’t it? 3 months? That is an absolute outrage and very disappointing when it comes to your brother. How long has it been for you? I’ve never heard anyone talk about it before. I want to prepare as many people as I can to know that this happens.

[@brookecarlock]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty It's been 7 months for me. A lot of my relationships have changed -- some in bad ways, some in good. I learned to distance myself from people who added drama and stress to my life because I didn't care anymore about being the people pleaser I once was. And, other people appeared out of nowhere to offer me huge support. It's very weird how it works, isn't it? It truly is a life shift.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

@@brookecarlock yes it is! Congratulations on recognizing it and making the shift. It’s part of the path to happiness after loss. When you let some people go, you make room for new, and often better ones to come in!

[@JayP-kd5rc]

My only sister, 2 weeks after my husband of 30 years took his life from depression, said to me "Well you can't wallow in it, you need to move on." She should get together with your brother.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

@@JayP-kd5rc infuriating isn’t it? They just don’t get it!

[@jayneweathers]

I have to admit this because I think it will help someone. My sister lost her husband a year exactly before my husband died. I tried really hard to be supportive and loving, I really did. But she has what is technically called complicated grief. I had never heard that term before. All I knew was that she was severely depressed and being around her was depressing. And there were times that I knew all she needed was maybe a hug, and I didn't have it to give her. I think in my head I couldn't understand why she was like she was. I had to go back to her and apologize about several things because now I understand. Now I get it. People truly don't understand and can't place their self in your shoes. Like you said they don't know until they know. I find myself seeing other couples that are happy. Maybe just sitting at a table eating, and I want to yell at them and tell them to love that person because tomorrow they may not be there. But I know if someone would have done that to me it would not have made a difference. We just take people for granted. But the grief of losing a spouse is beyond anything I've ever experienced. So now even after all this time, my sister is still extremely depressed. She already had a depressed personality but this is really taking her almost over the edge. I try to encourage her to go to counseling, and try to encourage her in other ways. She can sometimes drain me of all energy. But now that I understand, I do try to do my best to encourage her. I too have my own grief so I can only take her and doses. I can only give her the emotional support that I can because I am in need of my own emotional support. We are sometimes both good with each other and can support each other. I love it with all my heart and we do support each other, but there are times when she just drains me and I need to be around people who are more uplifting. I can't fix her. I can't fix anyone. All I can do is try to be understanding and kind and loving. So to anyone out there who thinks people might be just avoiding them for whatever reason, know that it might be true, but like you said in this video to educate them. There are times when I just did not know what to say to people when they lost someone. But now that that I understand what extreme grief can feel like. I now have a new outlook on everything. As a matter of fact, one of my other sisters just lost a child. He was 53 but 53 doesn't matter, it's still your child. I feel like I'm a little more supportive with her and now that I have an understanding of grief. I tell her that I do not understand what it feels like to lose a child, and that I could only imagine. It's probably the worst thing ever, but I do understand grief. I am learning the process of grieving. Anyway. I did not mean to make this post so long but then again I never can seem to just say a few words. I'm tend to be a a rambler. Thank you again Catherine for everything you do to help us all.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I love your honesty and it is all true. You are processing your grief and doing the work...leaning into grief. Grief gives us a choice - to be victim to it or we can chose a path to healing. You are courageously on the path to healing and I'm so honored to help. I'd love to have you in my next course in January so I can help you more! Keep doing what you are doing and always protect yourself first, then help others.

[@jayneweathers]

Thank you...I'm trying, one step at a time. My husband was on hospice and here they actually follow you for a year, so I feel like I'm doing well with that for now. I go to their grief groups too. But I do watch your videos, and I have your journal. You have already helped me a lot. I appreciate the offer. Maybe in the future.

[@rickhalas]

Yes, it was a long comment, but everything you said was important, and needed to be said. I'm experiencing divorce grief, and wholely agree that I did not understand the grief of other divorcees until I became one.

[@kathyforway8737]

Definitely I do ! So called friends have disappeared since I lost my much loved Husband of 36yrs.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm here

[@kathyforway8737]

@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty That's a lovely thing to say, thank you.❤️🇬🇧

[@renaecarpenter1298]

I just found this and it’s just what I needed. I lost my mom on Thanksgiving Day. I work 2 jobs but no one from either job has even given me a sympathy card. It happened during the holidays so many didn’t even know until after the funeral but I really expected a card or a plant from the 2 offices. I received a few text messages and 1 phone call. I’m very grateful for those who did reach out. I know I’m sounding petty, but I feel that my grief has been ignored by my employers and it hurts so badly. I have friends from a former job who have reached out and I love them so much. I’m feeling so much resentment towards my current employers -to the point I’m considering quitting my jobs. I’m trying hard to get over my hard feelings but nothing is working. 😢 I’m just glad to know that I’m not alone.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I’m sorry your employers aren’t how you want them to be. It’s more common than you would think. I’ve experienced the same thing.

[@jillgran490]

I am sorry for the loss of your Mother. I believe that unless others have experienced an immeasurable loss, they cannot begin to express the compassion we need in ours. I am sorry you are feeling so alone in your grief, and I hope you find someone who will support you.

[@marilynb8136]

My husband died two weeks ago. My daughter and i are cleaning out his clothes and personal belongings. Its so hard!!! I can smell his scent on his clothes. I'll be grieving forever..

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Oh boy. This is hard. Do what is best for you, either going slow or getting it done. Save a few things to sleep with and bring you comfort.

[@marilynb8136]

I'm in southern calif

[@KaraKay]

I lost my life partner and father to my young children to cancer. A long painful death he endured. I had zero support during that time. When he finally was relieved of his agony and passed away no one said a word to me. Everyone disappeared from my life completely. Every single family member, every so called friend. My mother was the only one speaking to me during that time and the day he died her exact words to me were to get over it. Nothing else was said. I still haven’t completely forgiven my family. Especially now after a few years passed and they are all coming around wanting my sympathy for one reason or another in regards to hardship in their lives. I try to be supportive which is more than they bestowed upon me, but mostly I stay away from them. I tend to my children and our life alone and have a deep distrust of people in general. I have no energy or concern to give to anyone beyond my children or myself.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm sorry your family treated you poorly but I am glad you have boundaries set up to protect yourself. When it comes to others, trust but verify. Let people who do care in. There are great people, you may just have to find them.

[@audreya9859]

I'm sorry you didn't have any support. My son's Dad just passed away 2 weeks ago he was my ex husband and best friend we knew each other for 27 yrs. He was a Dad to my 2 younger kids with my husband now. He was our everything. My Mom, twin sister, brother have not called, sent their condolences once or checked on my kids. My husband's stuff is at my Mom's house including his phone because he was staying there and she refuses to give anything back. She hired a company to throw his stuff away so my son can't even get his stuff. It's just devastating and I have no support even my husband said to me after a week you're still crying over him? He can't even help with anything around the house or even take the kids to school. He does absolutely nothing just picks fights with me and tells me to get over myself.

[@KaraKay]

@@audreya9859 Oh that is just tragic and heartbreaking to hear. I am so sorry you are going through that. I fully feel you. I don’t want to disrespect you or your current husband, but that comment from hi is unacceptable and I pray you find a way out of that heartache and toxic energy. 💗🌷

[@audreya9859]

@KaraKay thank you so much I really appreciate that. Things are better with my husband in terms of support but not my family my Mom has been absolutely horrible and scary in her behavior but I'm staying far away.

[@dburch7894]

Hit the nail on the head. Thought our children would be here for me. This hurts so much.

[@karenwebster2167]

I have felt so abandoned by friends and family and it is compounding my grief enormously. My dad passed away 4 weeks ago. I can’t recall this situation when my mum died 14 years ago and I do feel it has become more acceptable to just message via social media/text etc rather than support in person. I have asked to meet for coffee and been met with ‘busy’ or no response at all. I also think there may be a ‘hierarchy’ of grief whereby perhaps losing a partner is deemed worse than losing an older parent. Whatever the reason I have felt totally rejected to the point where I have been questioning if there might be something wrong with me or that perhaps I need a different set of friends. I’m literally clinging to your videos and a grief support group to keep me from going over the edge ❤

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Karen! I’m so happy my videos are helping! Two things. 1) There is nothing wrong with you and 2) Some new friends who are more supportive sounds like a great idea! Let’s find a time to talk! [e-mail]

[@melgonzalez7045]

People just don't want to absorb other people's grief xx it's a defense mechanism

[@sunriseschubert4391]

God is with you. People will fail but God never.

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

​@melgonzalez7045 Selfish. Remember, what goes around comes around sooner or later.

[@barbarahanks-ut6zn]

Wow that spoke to me. My spouse passed in 20, and my Dad just last week. But I'm also grieving the loss of my family support. I have mobility problems, my husband carried me around, and now it seems I am a burden. The ultimate 5th wheel, the widowed aunt. Of course it's harder at the holidays.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I’m so sorry you have to go through this. You will make it through the holidays, be gentle with yourself.

[@barbarahanks-ut6zn]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thank you. I'm trying to apply what I learned in round one: If it feels wrong, don't do it. That's self care too.

[@ks77728]

Gosh...you are so right about that one person who shows up in a big way. My childhood friend since we were the age of 3 & 4 respectively; we are now in our late fifties. She lost her Dad a four years ago and I lost my dad a year ago. She will bring up a memory or she'll let me go on and on about a memory about my dad. She still misses her dad terribly but she is also at peace if that makes any sense. We live a long distance apart but she will keep checking in on me. It makes me laugh and cry at the same time and I tell her all the time I'll never forget what she is to me right now. No one in my family or other friends, but this is the friend God chose to help me through this.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I’m so happy you have her!!! One day you can do it for someone else! It really is a wonderful thing out of something very sad!

[@kaylees1072]

What I can't understand is how my closest cousin, chose to abandon me during the most grief filled times in my life. The problem is that she mean to me and blamed me for all the painful things that were happening. 1st when i was going through a divorce because of a constant infidelity in my marriage. She said it was my fault my ex strayed and that i was not a victim in the situation and that i got off well because i got a settlement from him. When my mom was dying, she kept berating me and saying that i didn't care if my mother died. Meanwhile, 20 doctors kept coming around saying she was dying and while i was trying to come to terms with this she told the whole family that i didn’t care and i wasn't trying to encourage my mom to live. After my mom died, she never called and said she was sorry for lying to everyone about mom's fatal condition (she's a nurse and knew mom's condition because she was the only one with access to the medical records) and she never said hey cousin I'm sorry for your loss. It's one thing not to know how to help and people just abandon you but this is something else that i don't understand or how to move past. I'm praying God will take over this situation and reconcile it. This is hard because we have been close since i was a baby. The worst 4 years of my life she was the main sore spot. I could have it better when mom was alive but now its so much harder with mom passing away.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I’m so sorry this is happening but its time to let this person, closest cousin or not to go. She is not supportive and more damaging than if she wasn’t there at all. Decide how you deserve to be treated, speak it into existence, and do not let her, or anyone else, treat you badly.

[@kaylees1072]

@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty amen. I let her go in the physical. I'm working on with my therapist evicting her from my mind. Thank you for your understanding. It helps me to know that this type of treatment is not my fault and unacceptable.

[@sallyleads7037]

I’m sitting here with tears rolling gently down my face. Thank you so much for providing me with such solid loving support. I was abandoned and I cut people off as they were false close people. 😘🙏🏼😇

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm so glad you found us here!

[@sallyleads7037]

Not as pleased as I am. It’s been a very lonely journey & in isolation due to health issues. The body dies keep the score🥲. I’m going to heal now as my passed ones would not like me to be stuck. Thank you 😘🙏🏼😇

[@vivhartley6003]

I find the worse thing about greaif is after a while you can not express how you feel and yet the most important thing to do is talk because you can not talk to the one person that has died so you are just left so lonley you can talk to your self all day and night but there is no damed answer l think people think after going on for 2 years or three you should be OK not true you are still a lone when you may have had a day out with familey or just a friend coming back to an emty house and not even your little dog has passed to so there is no welcome.eny more no one to ask if you have had a nice day just silence that is lonleness it is gut renshing you could easley go mad not to mention how long it will continue alass one will onley no when it happens to them would not wish it on any one just need some kind words and a bit of compassion some times sending love and compassion to those who are going threw greif xx

[@meghanworkman6449]

If people don't know what to say, I wish they'd realize it's so much less hurtful if they just would reach out and say, "I don't know what to say." I understand people not knowing what to say; half the time I don't know what I'm even feeling.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Yes! You are so right! I’ve got work to do to educate them all!!!

[@alekpiercedraws6571]

The peopke who refuse to get uncomfortible are bad people. It shows that they only want to be there during the highs but not the lows.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I wouldn’t call them bad. They are either unaware or possibly uncaring. However, the reality is that no one truly understands the pain of grief until it happens ti them.

[@bookie4565]

I felt this in my soul. I lost my partner suddenly in March of nine years. I am realizing that I have changed and my relationships have changed. My best friend was there and I appreciate her, but she is in a relationship and now I am alone. I thought my mom and dad would be more supportive and to my surprise even though they have experience tremendous loss my relationships with them have also changed. My good friend lost her partner last year and I realized I did not show up for her the way I know now I should have. Now we are closer then ever just like when we were young. She is a blessing to me during this time and even plans to move to where I am. This video has truly been your best one in my opinion and has really made a difference during this time. It's been three months and it hurts, but I am learning to live with the pain. Thank you this channel is amazing 🤩

[@bookie4565]

@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb I am from Chicago but I live in Georgia. Thanks for your kind words 🙏

[@carolinebaker3789]

You speak so eloquently about grief and this is one of the best You tube videos l have listened to about grief and all it entails.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you Caroline!

[@KatherineLinebaugh]

Catherine, thank you for posting this series, especially this video. My parents passed away 10 days apart, before and after Christmas 2020. I'm happy someone acknowledges that this happens. It helps me feel less alone. Thanks.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I feel so sad that they died so close. How hard that must be.

[@KatherineLinebaugh]

Well, one felt lost without the other one. They were married for 63 years. My mother was chronically ill for a few months before my father became ill. He passed first, then mom saw him 9 days later in the nursing home and had a full conversation with him for a few hours before bedtime, during which she lapsed into a coma and passed on early in the morning on day 10. It was a bit of a surreal experience.

[@TheYazmanian]

My best friend? Haven't heard from her in a month... the people who supposedly care so much are oblivious. I also expected my husband to be a bigger support system and he was in the beginning but I think he is exhausted by my grief now. Last night he told me "dont cry, its ok, life goes on" and I was deeply furious but did not want to express it because I don't want to fight on top of grieving. But I was irritable and he noticed that and then it put him in a bad mood. I hate that it feels like I don't have room to grieve and that I have to be happy or he gets stressed

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Ugh. I know how that feels and it may likely be why I’m divorced now. Who did you lose? 1) Don’t expect him to be your support 2) Find the support and validation you need. Are you in my Facebook group?

[@bumbumbumbum1000]

My friend doesn't really know how to react.He does like fixing things.I keep asking him to help me out with jobs around the place, that in truth,I could do myself.I'm just glad of the company.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

That’s great. Did you lose someone or did he?

[@StarOnTheWater]

I lost someone close to me and the hardest part of it is that I am alone in this. Even after I reached out, my friends don't really check in on me and none of them have the emotional ability to handle this. We talked about his once and now they expect to go back to normal. All I got was unsolicited advice, "look at the positive", "you'll meet someone better" or even them making the situation about themselves. I don't need someone to show me the positive. I don't need someone to get me through this. That is in my realm of responsibility. All I need is someone to be there with me in my sadness. To accept. And not try to cheer me up or try to disregard my feelings. I am honestly shocked that this seems to be a rare skill. Because I know they don't have any ill intentions whatsoever, it's just all they are capable of. They've been quite supportive friends in other situations.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Please come be part of my Facebook group so we can support you! ❤️

[@bob1948]

I’d reach out to a group or therapist, but the truth is that I will never see my wife again nor will I ever have this life I had once. Appreciate this lady because she gets it. My choice is to just live out my life the best I can till I die. No more expectations about friends or an afterlife. Put a fork in me because I’m done.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Let me support you. It feels like you are done which means you need a breath….I can absolutely help! You are 100% right that you won’t ever have the life you had…..but you can create a life that is grief inspired. You don’t have to do it alone, friend! Email me at [e-mail]

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

Yes. That's the reality of things. I'm the same way. No one could ever replace my sweetie, just like you. Im.done too. Please take care.

[@terryparrish8477]

Unfortunately, that's the gist of it. As helpful as it can be to watch videos (or better yet, to know somebody that you can talk to face-to-face with) who truly understands deep grief, loss, and the different world that we find ourselves now living in, the truth of the matter is that there's not anything that anyone can say and there's nothing that can be done to "put our lives back" and to have the one that we've lost be a part of our lives, again, the way it used to be. Grief support (as well-meaning and sincere as it may well be) is "working out there in the margins." The heart of the matter is that what's missing now in our different living situation can't be changed and can't be put back to the way it was. I'm coming up on two years this Feb. since losing the most important person in this world to me, and after watching countless grief support videos and going to grief support websites, I'm now beginning to think that so much of it is starting to sound like people "talking in circles." Don't get me wrong. Watching and reading the accounts of others talk about their losses has lessened the "desert island" feeling for me. But at a certain point, what else can you hear someone else say about it, in the hopes of wanting to feel (at least a little) better about your own predicament?

[@honorkiely5633]

I agree totally with you.having lost my last partner in November 2022.having had Grief Councelling & watched countless Videos on Grief.We are all different & the painful fact is they are gone.& won't be coming back & our life has changed & no amount of anything or anyone can change that.We have to accept that & move forward with our lives

[@stephaniepaints]

I lost my partner and soulmate of 11 years suddenly and unexpectedly in Oct., about 13 weeks ago. We are both relatively young, too young for this to have happened to him. I know what you mean about people dropping off. I didn't have many close friends before this happened, but the support I did initially have has quieted down some since the initial shock of his death. My mom has even said that I need to "get over it" already, which stunned me. There are just maybe 1 or 2 people I can share my thoughts and feelings with, and they are not the people I expected. My sister in law has been my most treasured guide throughout this, but even for her it's hard to understand since she hasn't been through it yet. But I appreciate how she tries. At my age it's slightly difficult to find other people who have lost their partner and all the dashed hopes that come along with an early parting. Besides the grief, it's a really alienating experience...I would have never known it would be exactly like this. It's damn lonely. Most of my inner world was only shared with him for so long. The love and trust we had for each other was unlike anything I had ever seen, even in the relationships of most people around me. I was very fortunate. The whole thing just sucks.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You are exactly right Stephanie! It sucks! It’s not fair! Feeling lonely is often part of grief and well, your mom is wrong. There is an opportunity to heal and grow as the intensity of grief fades but you will not “get over it”. How can I most help?

[@stephaniepaints]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thank you

[@sheririley3503]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I too lost my partner Michael 12-12-22 suddenly. He text me at lunch I love you babe and never made it home. I am completely heartbroken and alone for the most part💔🙏 My pup keeps me going.

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

​@stephaniepaints yes. You are going through your grief journey. You just have to let it happen and embrace your grief. 8/16/23 will be six months since my beloved husband died. I felt like you wanting to die, but it does get better bit by bit. I'm 63. I retired and I sleep a lot. I try to keep moving but I'm not pushing myself. I continued to work but now I find I'm done with that. It's so hard to go on. I feel like there is nothing left. I'm religious and believe in the resurrection in God's new world coming soon However, my heart is broken and nothing consoles me All I can do is keep trying. You will too. Again, I'm crying for your loss.😢😢😢😢 May God comfort you. Please take care.

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

​@@sheririley3503please take care of yourself. I'm so sorry😢

[@sallyleads7037]

Thank you for constructive kind comments. Grief is different each time I go through it. My dog had to go last week and I feel so cold and alone. She was my best friend and companion. Still grieving family members so trying to focus on the beautiful years we shared. As a therapy dog she was my way forward. The Lord only gives you what you can cope with or need to learn from….God please give me a break in grief 😘🙏🏼😇

[@Thedibster]

People most certainly don’t do the best they can At least in my experience

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Yes, I agree. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way when you're the one that's grieving though.

[@marylamb128]

I’ve had no family or friends not even at the beginning

[@JayP-kd5rc]

Hi Catherine, My only sister, 2 weeks after my husband of 30 years took his life from depression, said to me "Well you can't wallow in it, you need to move on." My only old time friend was there for me for a long time, but now with her diagnosis of cancer, and treatments and all, she has kind of shut others out, and I want to be there for her, but she isn't much letting anyone in. No other close friends.

[@miyenakamura484]

somtimes people don't want others around while going thru illness . Pray for her a maybe in time she will come around. I detached from others during my illness years ago because i needed to go within myself to heal. Illness takes up alot of energy.

[@paulbooyse1347]

Yes. Widow here. ( My name is Anne. I am using my late husband's 'phone). The Aloneness.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Hi Anne! Come join our Facebook group!

[@paulbooyse1347]

Yes, please willl you give me the link?

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

@@paulbooyse1347 facebook.com/share/RURDbsE3pyFSSFfZ/?mibextid=K35XfP

[@Wookinpanub235]

Praying for all of you that lost your beloved soul mates. May good things and good people cross your path in your favor and you in theirs. May cupids arrow strike you once again.❤

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

So grateful you want to pour into others with your positivity

[@rosemaryh4528]

I would say today is me and tomorrow will be them to all my friends

[@dawncordero7760]

Just stumbled across your channel & I am so glad I did! I can totally relate to the feeling of abandonment & exclusion from both family & friends after the sudden death of my 57 yr old Soulmate Husband.💔 I came to realize that I represent death, an example of every couples’ fear come to life. Who wants to be with that realization?! Not to mention, that their lives have not changed, have not been decimated but mine has. And therefore, life goes on for them. But NOT for me. I get it but in the end it still HURTS!😢💔

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I love your words and insights. They are real! You will figure out how to move forward! I'm so glad my videos help. You can do this!

[@lilove6560]

I am grieving the death of my ex-husband and was surprised how much it affected me. Thank you for your words. 😢💗

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I can understand what you are saying. I’m divorced and it’s been quite difficult, but, he still WAS my husband and I will always love him in a certain way. And whenever there is love, there is grief. What this tells me is that you still carry love for him with you. ❤️

[@imagine7generations]

So grateful for those that have asked to come over and then show up in an apron and gloves and start cleaning- doesn't matter what- it makes me feel like moving too and then we get things moved around and cleaned and a few little things change and it helps me move a little bit emotionally as well as move things around that have not been changed since his death. I have so much that has not been touched- his work area is as he left it last June when he first got sick- and his dresser and so much more. It has been two months since he passed. I took care of him full time, no nurses or help whatsoever and he was totally bed ridden. Now trying to start a home business to pay my bills and so much paper work and details there. And I do not want to do anything. I keep in touch with freinds but still it is hard. Some are going thru thier own seriously difficult situations. Ways to escape this pop in my head all the time involuntarily. But I want to be there for my young adult children. So I keep trying but it is more difficult than I ever dreamed it could be.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I’m so glad that people are helping with cleaning etc. Do you have the support you need emotionally right now. A grief like yours is not easy and it takes time to regain your footing. You can and will get through this. One big lesson is to let others support you and to ask for help when you need it. You are not alone.

[@imagine7generations]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty thank you! I do have a lot of support.

[@Cheri-USA]

I just lost my 42 year old son to cancer. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I have one other son but he isn’t local. There’s no worse pain then the death of your child. I’m praying just to get through it.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. Can you tell me what he was like?

[@shannellbutler7822]

I lost my grandma in April and it has been really hard because she was my best friend. I had no idea how lonely grief is. I totally understand friend’s uncomfortableness or not knowing what to say. You just don’t expect friends that you have been there for when times were challenging and good to just abandon you when you need them the most. Or to ask for things during a time of grief. It’s like grieving two deaths. Thank you so much for putting everything I’m feeling into perspective. This was very helpful.

[@juniyananajukyu]

I'm going through this right now. My sister died last December from renal failure due to her cancer. I helped care for her for 13 years. I was with her from diagnosis all the way to her death. The loneliness has set in hard and people are no longer reaching out. I have cousins that will Check on me but even my nephews, whom I live with, are distant to me now. I just feel so alone. I try to stay busy but it feels like a temporary fix. Idk, I hope I can eventually get over it but it's been hard.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Find my Facebook group and join it. You can find support there. You won’t just get over it, but you can work to help yourself through it.

[@pennyoflaherty1345]

Not having a pity party but we lost our son 5weeks ago we’ve been abandoned from almost the get go. We don’t get it even our church 😢

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You are allowed to have a pity party. Your son died. So sorry you've been abandoned. Has anyone offered to help? Let me know how I can help as well.

[@pennyoflaherty1345]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty oh 2 of our daughters they live a little way away, we have our sons daughter who is 23 but has special needs she is in our care she’s got type 1 diabetes, epilepsy & mild autism but it’s a privilege to carry on Michael’s legacy. Oh I just thought a little more support but if you don’t expect help you won’t be disappointed if it doesn’t come. Thank you ❤️‍🩹

[@pennyoflaherty1345]

I realised that we’re not alone my son’s friend Mick adopted me last year. He is lost & sad also he used to go to Michaels everyday after work he now comes to our house. He’s like family that’s probably why I forgot him but he’s great.

[@bob1948]

She understands!

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you!!!

[@Michele-pq5wy]

Thank you I was searching for help and found you. I hope help is finally here. The fear of hitting a wall again is scary.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm glad you found me too!!! Reach out if you get stuck.

[@maryannmartinez9425]

Hello catherine.i listened to yu video.i lost my husband 4mo.ago.i am hurting really bad.i feel like i died when he died.i am isolating.people dony understand.thank yu gor listening

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Would you like to talk? Reach out to me at [e-mail]

[@caroldevries4460]

Excellent message. 100% true. You made me think. Thank you!

[@WarriorGalVibe]

Thank you so much for this 💙

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You are so welcome! Are you feeling this way? It’s no uncommon.

[@sandyburgess8599]

Thankyou so much, this has helped me tremendously. Exactly what i'm going thru with family & friends.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm so glad it's helping!

[@ML-HS]

I have been through this and I have just got off the phone with an ex friend after a year and half. Yes. I consider her ex friend, because after the funeral not once did she call to ask how I was. None of our mutual friends did. In this day and age it's not hard to text or invite the person to the outing. The fact a friend from another country who hasn't been in my life for as long as they were and she walked with me in grief when she didn't even experience half the stuff did. So, for all the rest of friends that I had I find it is all an excuse. It's just an excuse. It's not hard to reach out a hurting soul. I am grateful for those two friend's who were there and my therapist who told me the best thing I can do is focus the attention and nourish the friendship with those who stayed and not the ones who left me abandoned.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad you have them! (and your therapist is right!)

[@jennifershort3104]

I felt abandoned by my siblings. Two days after the funeral everyone went back home to their lives. I understand how brief bereavement time is in most workplaces , but it's still hard to be left alone in the house we lived in and have the task of sorting things out. My younger brother didn't come back for over 4 months. My older brother has yet to return, but he didn't grow up with us in this house. So I get it that he doesn't have a connection to it. My sister and I have been going through Mom's stuff little by little. It's slow going, but it's progress. It's time all of us got together and figured out where to go from here.

[@elska17]

Very interesting topic. Thank you for this. In my complex grief about the death of my mum last Wednesday, the abondement I feel is hard because of à sister in law M. who has hurt me on sneaky ways without no one heard our conversation. I 'm single, she has 3 kids with my brother. Other brother the same. I feel alone in my grief in the family. Except my dad "understand" what my wound is. My mum and sister in law M. we're as best friends, so she would never have believed her own daughter. In this grief I feel I need to keep to protect myself for being hurt again by her, who is well cherished in the family. So I ignore her, but this attitude is of course not accepted by 90% of the whole family, exept my Dad (for me counting the biggest part). She is very dominant in her voice and chatters à lot. She feels herself now as the queen. I 'm à hsp with subassertive profil in group.. So.. This is my complex grief

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Thank you for sharing. Always protect yourself first (especially with family). Share only with the right people. Give yourself time. Grief isnt easy if you are doing it right! ❤️

[@elska17]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty Thank you Catherine. Your inspiring answer comes at the right time. I'm on my way for trying turning the tide of resentmennt and deep pain towards my sister in law M. My brother, her husband, and my oldest brother have noticed that I am ignoring her but do not understand my pain history. For them, I'm only making it all up as she is so différent to them and to all the other family membres. They both start to ignore me now to protect her from me.. I do not want this extra tension extra to my grief... So I 'm on my way with your best advice to turn this tide..Do I trust her again ? Never.. Will I give it à try to, at least, look her in the eyes again and smile... For the love and respect for my brother and their kids.... I have to...

[@sharicebryant8149]

I think the pandemic really did a number on everyone’s humanity. Seeing high death tolls daily for 1-2 years straight, has desensitized us. It’s so sad that I can relate to these comments and I believe it’s because ppl are very much used to death more than they’d like to admit, so they expect those closest to them that lost someone to eventually “go back to normal” just like the world did with Covid. One of my longtime best friends passed away unexpectedly this March and the abandonment from friends, sorority sisters, even some family feels different than when I lost my dad when i was 14. There was more care back then. Now it seems like everyone forgot once the funeral was over. Idk what to do with this sadness and emptiness I’ve been feeling for almost 5 months now.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I say “Get Your Grief Out”. which means find a safe place to share your experience. Are you part of my Facebook group? Its a great place to share with people who get it!

[@sharicebryant8149]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty no i am not. What is the name of the group?

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

@@sharicebryant8149 Grief Inspired - Keep on Living. facebook.com/share/g/JHw9pXAgMzvq5WXC/?mibextid=K35XfP

[@jayneweathers]

I'm always blown away with your words that are so insightful and speak to my needs. Thank you for that Catherine.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Let's find a time to talk!

[@jayneweathers]

I would love that!

[@theresaguilfoyle5795]

I have been abandoned after 6 weeks

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Tell me more

[@mariederice1260]

Your videos have been helpful. I'm still grieving over a parent & a relationship. Thank you for giving me the support so I don't feel alone & losing my mind. A lot of what you are saying has helped me.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I'm so happy to hear that! Grieving is so hard, you shouldn't have to do it alone!

[@elisabettaolivieri270]

Catherine, you said all the right things....thank you so much for this channel❤

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You are so welcome

[@RC2214]

My husbands father is dying, he is HOSPICE care, i'm trying to be there for him the best I know how but also hurts to see my spouse in so much emotional and some mental pain because it is slow death because he has Cancer and he is in his 70s and so my mother in law. Having to take care of all the responsibilities is even harder to do when you can't think, son't sleep or eat becuase it hurts to much

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Yes! What you speak is the truth. This is the time to be gentle with yourself, take care of you, and let others help you.

[@yukisumiko3633]

I lost my wife to suicide 6 months ago. Most of my friends and family now don't want anything to do with me. They ignore me even when I try to reach out. Even had one friend tell me "Well do you want to live or die make up your mind already" I'm so confused and my grief is only getting worse. I don't know if I can hang on much longer. I can't stand this pain and loneliness.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

i’m sorry your friends and family don’t understand. It’s quite common. I’d like to encourage you to join my Facebook group and find people to talk to who understand.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

i’m sorry your friends and family don’t understand. It’s quite common. I’d like to encourage you to join my Facebook group and find people to talk to who understand.

[@yukisumiko3633]

I've quit all social media because it only began to remind me how lonely I've become. Watching everyone else have life and laughters while they pretend I don't even exist anymore. I'm afraid it's over for me.

[@Vonnies1234]

Beautifully said. Thank you ❤

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You are so welcome

[@AnaGonzalez-yt1yz]

Thank you 😊

[@katec9893]

Hmm this video feels pretty invalidating for people who are grieving who have been abandoned by their so called friends. I think it's absolutely awful how grievers are expected to extend empathy and compassion to non grievers, and educate them on how to support us. It shows how dreadful society is at understanding, supporting and validating grief. I think certain cultures are better at acknowledging death and supporting grievers, and in the past in the west people were allowed to wear black for a year and their grief was respected. I'd love to see big societal changes in acknowledging the life cycle including death, and a big shift towards supporting people during our grieving process. In England I can't even find a grief support group, local or online in the whole country!

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Hi! The video was not to invalidate anyone but rather to acknowledge your experience

[@MsPatriot420]

Educate?? They do not care. That's more of the grief they do not want to be involved with or in. After 5 months, if I mentioned my husband who died suddenly in a restaurant, they got mad and started yelling at me. I call it victimizing the victim. I cannot express how unkind they have been. It has been hurt upon hurt. No, they wanted me in grief share immediately (which I don't subscribe to) and I was to be happy within 6 months. This was said to me. No one has cared what I wanted or needed. I went on a date a couple of months ago and the divorced man told me he felt he had a big X on his chest. I told him I was being treated the same way as a widow. It's not just insensitive to treat people this way. It's wrong! No excuses.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Sorry this is happening. I call this "love them from a distance" and limit engagement with them for now

[@MsPatriot420]

@@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty I didn't know this was happening to others, Catherine. Thank you for your help.

[@bethr8756]

And sometimes this just happens in life! Not talking about someone making a transition.

[@IamHisHeismine]

It’s just got awful when this happens after a suicide attempt. You tried so hard to not make your problem an issue for anyone else because they already didn’t seem like they wanted to do around and now they really really don’t even want you around.

[@sandycheeks1580]

🎉😮Watch out for Internet strangers & even family. They see you vulnerable so they offering the hope of companionship, support or love only to use you!!! You’re no one’s target 🎯 so many are looking for a human ATM or other way to ruin you already grieving!!! 😮Take care & go to counseling for counseling. Nonthing else. Join in on some hobbies too. Keep your mouth shut 🤐 about your pain, grief, money, possessions, family issues. Bad actors are always looking for new victims. Keep yourself safe!!!

[@crystals6352]

I'm in the 2 nd year after my loved ones death. It seems that everyone has moved on. His brother is still grieving but processes in a different way.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

And how are you doing? What is most difficult now?

[@misssutherby1027]

Your garden in so pretty

[@MS-ns4ki]

I am totally alone, and there really is no one talking to me now that I am studying psychology.

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I love that you are studying psychology. Why are they not talking to you because of psychology.

[@FurrNana]

I had someone tell me to get over it because my grief is "depressing" me 💔

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

Oh my word!

[@amandasymon4363]

I totally feel abandoned 🥺

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

I get it. So many do. I recommend you join my Facebook group to be with people who get what you are going through but also connect to focus on regaining control of the things we can control

[@TheYazmanian]

Same. Nobody gives a damn unless they are suffering too. They project their reality on us. Someone said to me "times goes so fast these days anyway". Like yeah maybe for that person but for me time has slowed down. And of course I said that to them and they never answered the text LOL

[@asia23425]

Did you have a grandmother, or relative, named Laura from NJ?

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

No sorry

[@alicewonders9291]

Thank you, Catherine. This video was extremely helpful. I just listened to it. Your thoughts inspire me to be more grateful for who has showed up long term. Unfortunately, my life changed drastically in almost every area of life after my partner of 20 years passed. It's been a little over a year. And before ......then directly after my partner's death.....life events did not occur in a typical way.🙃 I subscribed to your channel. Over the last year I have thrashed my way through the grief process like the bird species named Thrasher. I realized this because I am lucky enough to have a Thrasher who comes to my courtyard everyday and thrashes the dirt around and rocks. I started collecting the rocks in a pile. He is a bit more polite in how he thrashers. Nearly every day I sweep up his thrashings.....only for him to perform his daily duties (looking for insects).🙂 So many lessons we can learn through nature. Probably time for me to take some new steps forward......thank you again for your thoughtful words and suggestions.🩵🪶

[@Fegga1955]

Thank you 🙏

[@GriefInspiredCatherineMcNulty]

You’re welcome 😊