How I recovered from conversion therapy | Elena Joy Thurston | TEDxColoradoSprings

Elena Joy was the ultimate suburban housewife complete with four kids, minivan, and successful husband. But a slow burn began when her youngest went to kindergarten which resulted in a bombshell explosion that left nothing unchanged. Through mindfulness (and conversion therapy), Life 2.0 began. Elena Joy is a motivational speaker, transformational retreat leader, and author. She has been interviewed on podcasts such as Wellness Lately, Exists Brightly, and Mormon Happy Hour. Elena Joy lives in Arizona with her family and attack-cat and enjoys fly fishing around the world. To learn more about her and join her next retreat, visit www.elenajoyexperience.com. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@pyschologygeek]

People don't always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them.

[@HowellConsultations]

Very true, thank you.

[@Sunbirdinthesky]

When my mother died, everybody gave me advices… Only two or three persons gave me a hug…

[@donschilling4825]

Right on

[@lufayoubhopes8997]

have u read quran

[@SleepDaMouse-xd8dn]

Is it wrong to date while still seeking conversion therapy?

[@mzSte]

"You'll think taking your own life will stop the pain, it won't.. it just spreads it around"

[@SleepDaMouse-xd8dn]

Annie Iyamu always hated this logic. So? You know it’s not something they had out right? That sounds like the most selfish Bs ever. Hey btw if you don’t send me a ton of money you are spreading pain around :T cause I don’t get something I was never owed by you

[@Xelann]

She lost friends overnight because they were never friends to begin with. Only real friends will care unconditionally, and that's a powerful thing.

[@DudesRights]

Xel An no you have it backwards. She pretended to be someone she wasn’t. So she lied in her friendships. So if I had a so called friend and they lied to gain my friendship, I would end that friendship because it was based on lies.

[@Xelann]

@@DudesRights Perhaps, but a real friend would understand why she had to live untrue to herself. Remember, she was in a religious community that condemned her. It was a lot safer to follow the rules if she wanted to retain her friends, family, and entire community. She built an entire life around her with a husband, children, and white picket fence. It wasn't lying, she was holding back the truth in fear of losing it all. *Might I add, a truth she only came to terms with after being unhappy for so long. It's not easy to accept yourself. People that are convinced about who you are, can convince you too.

[@TheFeralcatz]

@@DudesRights Finally a sane person in this comments section.

[@Xelann]

@carolina hernandez Imagine you were an atheist in a theist country. This imaginary country exiles anyone who doesn't believe in their god(s). In this country that is basically your home, that you've known all of your life, that your family and friends have always been in. What will you do in this situation? Will you be true to yourself, giving up everything you've ever known? Or live and die never knowing what's it like to live an honest and happy life?

[@DudesRights]

carolina hernandez can’t argue with that statement

[@snowleopard89]

Christian here.... If someone who claims to be a Christian tells you that if you are depressed that it's because you aren't reading your Bible enough, that is 100% unbiblical.

[@heidiwelter480]

snowleopard89 preach👌♥️

[@bibur104]

Thank you. That statement means more than you know🙂

[@sorrybaeix6914]

Thanks❤ Please tell this to people at my old church

[@snowleopard89]

@@sorrybaeix6914 💔💔💔

[@TheFeralcatz]

Don't try to speak for all Christians. You don't.

[@marialvarez7954]

To me she lived her life by the means of what we find ideal, a religious housewife loving her kids and husband. But if you were to go to her house, and see her anxious, see her depressed... how could a friend like you say "You have it so good! Why are you like this?". I am so happy that despite her "perfect" life... she changed it because she wasn't happy. At the end of you life, whether you lived it in following God or following yourself, that you could truly say that you listened to your heart, and found happiness. She is so. strong. and admirable. Thank you.

[@kariah7169]

Thank you

[@tranvo1846]

When I was 14, her life was exactly something I’m afraid of. Being “straight,” and married to a man, and have kids years down the road. All the while being so unhappy and depressed because I would have wasted years of my life missing out. I know deep down it’s not what I wanted. I’m glad I had this realization early, I’m 22 now and I’m happy with who I am.

[@fionafiona1146]

Good on you! My sister is your age and equally set out to create her ideal life. I personally want picket fences, baby's and the husband to support that... None of that is however appealing enough to sell my soul to a cult and sacrifice anyone's futures on the altar of indoctrination /failed education systems.

[@heidi681]

🌷I'm truly happy for you. So much life to be just who you are. Stay lovely. 😼😽 💞

[@SleepDaMouse-xd8dn]

I have the opposite fear, stop trying to ban conversion therapy. Not all of us are like you

[@tranvo1846]

SleepDa Mouse You have one life. One chance to live. If you choose to hate that part of yourself or choose to live it how others see fit for you. Go ahead, I hope you don’t have any regrets once you’re near the end. It will never go away, you will suffer with it whether you choose to admit it or not.

[@tranvo1846]

@ᴀꜱᴜᴋᴀ ᴀꜱᴜᴋᴀ good to hear! Since that comment, I actually came out and am now in a happy relationship with my girlfriend :) I hope all the happiness for you too!

[@sierra1680]

I have a sneaking suspicion (in fact, I would bet) that she was Mormon. In fact, as I'm listening I can almost confirm that she was LDS.

[@LastOneLeft99]

Oh yeah 100% she posted this in an exmo community.

[@777sillydog]

I was thinking Pentcostal, Charismatic, or some other fundy group.

[@sierra1680]

@@777sillydog just because of the repentance process (not being able to take the sacrament, pray, or teach) is step by step what Mormons have to do when they're repenting.

[@athb4hu]

I am Pentecostal, I think she was LDS from a couple of things she said.

[@CC-iy6cj]

"the loudest silence I had ever heard" ...thanks for sharing your story

[@AstroMarta]

You’re such an amazing human being. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much pain. Here -> ❤️ some love.

[@donnamartin8227]

This was a wonderful talk, so glad you found yourself. Be happy, your kids love you without judgement.

[@lisamoyer3862]

I love Elena joy!! Such a great speaker - so REAL!!

[@Calico_cat688]

Thank you for the courage to tell your story. ❤❤❤ you are beautiful through and through.

[@jenniferdolson8148]

Kids don't care who loves them, just as long as you love them and don't hurt them. They don't care about what color you are if you treat them well. Children are taught to hate by adults who hate, and people hate what they fear and often they fear what they are that they see in others.

[@SleepDaMouse-xd8dn]

jennifer dolson sounds like BS. I want conversion and was raised by the crazy as lgbt

[@alexanderschestag3247]

Thank you for that talk. I'm only half way through, but believe: Live the way you want to live! This is the only solution! You are perfect the way you are! Keep going! I love you! Conversion therapy is a crime! That's what I say as a psychologist! Your children deserve an honest mom, who is lucky! And their reaction was great! I myself struggled with this as a teen and came out as being bi.

[@BeingUNapologetic]

Thank you for your vulnerability, your courage, and your desire to make a difference for others.

[@mattquillen7241]

Why does anyone care about what someone does on their own time without hurting anyone? It's typically religious people feeling it's their duty to save you or else they won't make it to heaven for not trying. The most hardcore religious people I know just want to make sure they get into heaven and don't care about anyone else.

[@adampowell5376]

Thank you for testimony. I will make greater use of mindfulness.

[@thenaturalsourceofourhealth]

Amazing story, you’re beautiful, thank you 🙏 xxx 😘

[@CJ-uo9cd]

John Bates thanks

[@PJTheSixFootSixDJ]

99.99% of the people you'll run into in life does not care one bit about how you run your life. Just learn to stick around those that do care, even if you may, or even may not, disagree with them. Because they, at the very least, care. Give them credit for that much, and never blame nor make excuses nor quit being just the way you are as long as it's not physically hurting others.

[@christophervishy8273]

You are such a real person, your experiences solidified the humanity within ❤️ I'm so glad you are able to live your life truthfully and set a good example to your kids

[@emilieeisenberg5943]

this talk is SO brave and beautiful. she should write a book!

[@graciewilliams90]

I can’t wait to resign from the lds church in a few years, and finally be happy

[@elgavilan7731]

Gracie Williams you got this!

[@astridknops873]

I want to thank you for this. In my community, Mindfulness has a, well, strange defenition. But you, you made it clear for me. What I want to do. Thank you.

[@HowellConsultations]

The Universe is not in a hurry. You are. It’s why you’re tired, it’s why you’re anxious, stressed, and disappointed. Trust that what was meant to be yours, will be yours Unrush yourself. Hope our channel helps you on your journey!!

[@bibur104]

Such a profound statement in so many ways.

[@HowellConsultations]

@@bibur104 💖🙏💖!!

[@noahbuilds5088]

So dang good!!!! I related to this so much!!!

[@jenniferdolson8148]

Good job!!!

[@skepticalbystander]

What religions do to people makes me so sad.

[@breezer723]

💜💙💜💙 no words really.

[@LifeVersity]

It's a blessing when we find the thing we'll suffer for

[@heavysleeperassclapper6054]

@The Rockall Times how? Everyone has right to choose what is right for them

[@Traubengott]

@The Rockall Times ok boomer

[@faisalnadeem6797]

How can I part TEDxTalks

[@faisalnadeem6797]

I joined

[@chysolo]

This was amazing

[@badiyajo]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@jenniferdolson8148]

Conversion therapy is wicked and cruel!!!

[@michellespiritual7729]

@Jennifer - religion is cruel & wicked. It's a control technique creatd by the evils of the world many thousands of years ago. Spirituality is the only way & I mean TRUE spirituality, not the New Agers who judge, talk down, & think they are better than everyone else. The New Age movement is just another religion created by the evils b/c they knew they were losing religious followers. They wanted to brainwash people into closing their eyes to the reality of what's really going on out there. "Never worship anyone but yourself & the Universe. " Unfortunately, the majority of the human race worships other humans (the criminals in gov't, teachers who know very little, religious figures, so called "gurus," etc.. They think they are better, more intelligent, etc. than themselves & that's due to childhood trauma & insecurity from that. She said it & I was amazed she got it.

[@renaehanley5880]

JESUS loves you conversion therapy doesn’t work

[@renaehanley5880]

Jonathan Walther conversion therapy is a pseudoscience, it doesn’t work.

[@jonathanwalther]

@@renaehanley5880 I'm totally on your side. I firstly misread the word/title as "Conversation Therapy" (Rogers). I deleted my other comment (former reply to you).

[@renaehanley5880]

Jonathan Walther oh LOL no worries

[@horsermchead2504]

i want to go get this fixed for myslef

[@JediCloud]

The problem is that you’re not “broken” in that way. You can’t escape self hatred with self hatred

[@souf3331]

crying here lmao

[@nebulasmoothie]

Same ;-; ik for a fact if I come out to my family they'll either kill me or kick me out. So knowing that she's happy rn makes me happy

[@dementus420]

I try never to pass judgment on the people who pass judgment on everyone else around them, but all those who thumbs downed this, are what is inherently wrong with this world.

[@g4do]

She's cute

[@justnoted2995]

Your symptoms...are serious; your losses deep; you still have a raging battle ahead; it might take more than the magical mindfulness to stay victorious.

[@svahas]

So is your girlfriend the fly fishing friend who touched your knee?

[@sorrybaeix6914]

What

[@TheFeralcatz]

That's how I took it

[@maddiepaddy2608]

@The Rockall Times why?

[@james_games9684]

human knowledge has outgrown the "need" for religion and especially religious programming

[@narayanchoudhary5638]

Top mem

[@wcsxwcsx]

I can't wait until the mindfulness fad finally goes away.

[@SleepDaMouse-xd8dn]

Is it wrong to seek conversion therapy and date?!

[@ashishsrivastav9498]

1st view

[@adampowell5376]

I think that it is a mistake to use church as an excuse for judging your past and your family.

[@DudesRights]

Yes it is. But if you repent, ask for forgiveness

[@peterjongsma2754]

The essence of a healthy mind is gratitude. What Greeks call Eucharista. No need to Navel Gaze. It's actually not hard to be Grateful.

[@ChipmunkRapidsMadMan1869]

Good grief this country needs a real crisis.

[@aaronrosenberg6633]

There are plenty of real crises. Go somewhere else. It's not a zero-sum game.

[@ChipmunkRapidsMadMan1869]

@@aaronrosenberg6633 The people who started this need to winnow out the liars and the ridiculous. This woman is a liar.

[@emeraldsnorlax8719]

ok boomer

[@smallturtle5449]

CHIPMUNK RAPIDS MADMAN ok boomer

[@aaronrosenberg6633]

@@ChipmunkRapidsMadMan1869 A liar? And what gives you that impression?

[@leoarcilla3609]

Train yourself to experience solitude not loneliness when you are alone

[@NicoSmets]

TED, the place where people with psychological problems can come to talk.

[@CLROUGH]

Nico Smets and honestly help connect so many people

[@jonathanwalther]

Nico Smets, what do you want to say with your comment?

[@troycarpenter3675]

Often that seems the case

[@johnkinsey2394]

And the problem with that is...?

[@NicoSmets]

@@johnkinsey2394 Thank you for pointing out that that wasn't even an insult, but merely a fact.

[@b.goodfellow465]

That’s what religion does for you, but not God!

[@rachelsweets]

Love this

[@armanimiller]

God is religion. Christian's contradicting themselves again

[@b.goodfellow465]

Pennywise The Dancing Clown No, God is Not religion. Religion is something that people create and it is full of the doctrines of men and you won’t find doctrines in the Bible. I wouldn’t want to second guess God, but when Christ comes again, one of the first things He may do is ban religion. In the Oxford English dictionary you will read in the definition of religion that it is a belief in, and the worship of a god who is controlling, and this is wrong in the case of the God of Abraham Issac and Jacob, because He gave us the liberty of a free will.

[@alieninthecaribbean]

@@b.goodfellow465 The Bible is literally FULL of doctrines. It contains the religious edicts and laws of Judaism, which is a religion. Also, you claim that religion is something people create. However, so too are books and writing. Humans write them and they reflect their limited knowledge, prejudices and political realities.

[@chrisswanson]

Did anyone hear the word "Jesus" anywhere in this presentation. She consulted people, church "leaders", her friends, herself. Nowhere does she say "I met Jesus, and he is real, and he did for me........". Jesus said, "I AM the way, the truth and the life. No one cometh to the Father but by me". I believe Jesus is real, not a religious concept. If he is real then his words have meaning when he said "....nothing shall be impossible". True Christianity is is not a religion......it is a relationship with Jesus.......a real person. Note that she never said she was baptized because she met Jesus. Wonder how it would have gone if she had not resorted to "religion" or rejected "religion" rather than seeking the ultimate answer directly from.......Jesus. Just sayin.

[@snowleopard89]

Completely agree. It sounds like she was in a "works based" church to begin with. Sadly, that seems to be the state of churches in America these days.

[@jonathanwalther]

Chris, you wrote a lot, but you did not write, what you want to say. Your citations ans ideas are highly ambiguous. So, please, In a plain answer: do you want to say, if she found Jesus (whatever this means), she would have refrained from her homosexuality? Or what do you want to convey?

[@chrisswanson]

@@snowleopard89 When she talked about her family being together for eternity I figured it was Mormon. The bible clearly states that marriage will not continue beyond the grave.

[@troycarpenter3675]

Absolutely correct Chris

[@chrisswanson]

@Mike HaydonSo you believe that if she actually met Jesus that he would tell her that homosexuality is OK....i.e. not a sin?

[@defendliberty1289]

Wouldn't that touch of the knee classified as "unwanted advance" today?

[@JonathanDLynch]

Only if it was unwanted.

[@letsbesane]

The lack of discipline people have in life today is related to the conveniences in the modern day. She could just as easily have been talking about how her job and having to work for a living just didn't make her feel well and was a major negative impact in her life so she resorted to stealing and that's what she really was ... a thief. Since thieves are starting to become popular in that cities are choosing not to prosecute, this may be a viable choice in the future. This attitude however doesn't benefit humans and will degrade society. She is not telling you her actual deepest most personal facts related to her choice which would change the story dramatically. It's easy to say yes but hard to have discipline but discipline is what is needed in life for us individually and for all of society.

[@sleepyzz9324]

God made Adam and eve... in jesus name theres no religion in that...

[@Traubengott]

What are you trying to say?

[@jesuslovesyou5384]

What is this really about I thought conversion therapy was to help people get out of homosexuality

[@socrates8251]

Why get out of it

[@socrates8251]

Also she went to a place where they didn't talk to her. They were violent

[@tranvo1846]

JESUS loves you how can it be called “therapy” when they teach you to hate yourself, to hate who you are, to be ashamed of yourself, to reduced your self-worth down to nothing but who you happens to be attracted to and be judged for it?

[@astrobookwormsinger]

@@tranvo1846exactly!!!!!

[@socrates8251]

Jesus is all about love

[@lunarious87]

Allah disagree. He is not Rosevelt. He is The God, The Living God whom doesn't sleep.

[@lunarious87]

He who has no shame can do whatever he wants - The Prophet Muhammed

[@aaronrosenberg6633]

A god for which there has never been evidence, as it is with all the other thousands of gods throughout history.

[@aaronrosenberg6633]

@@lunarious87 Don't confuse humbleness with shame. Religion has poisoned you.

[@emeraldsnorlax8719]

ok boomer

[@lunarious87]

@@aaronrosenberg6633 God is what all ancient religions and military leaders (possibly Aliens too, I don't know) agreed about. God is a word, Jesus and Muhammed are two words. We are all words. See John 1:1

[@vansserafim]

Sry you had a bad therapist. But it works if you are dedicated enough. Also it can’t hurt you. If done right. Worked for me

[@saud9389]

You’re really lying to yourself, conversion therapy worked for you? That’s funny, and its a lie.

[@michellespiritual7729]

@Enryu - I feel sorry for you that you hate yourself that much you have to fight your true self. Hopefully one day you will learn to love yourself.

[@emeraldsnorlax8719]

ok boomer

[@deantait8326]

Blah, blah blah. Live your life just leave me out of it, please. B.S divorce hurts your children. Keep your commitments. BTW you're not the victim!

[@tranvo1846]

Dean Tait being in an unhappy marriage also hurts your children.

[@jonathanwalther]

No one said, she was the victim. Btw it is hatespeech to use these words. Real therapy (which is NOT conversation therapy) and getting along with one's life is not about who is the victim. These moral questions/ideas more often than not make things worse and not better.

[@zvanev]

Dean Tait ok boomer

[@Traubengott]

"Keep me out of it" bro you threw yourself in there, you dien't have to watch zhis. Also yes, she was the victim

[@emeraldsnorlax8719]

ok boomer

[@adoseofreality8287]

It is interesting how crude she has become, that’s when she lost my attention.

[@emeraldsnorlax8719]

ok boomer