How I Told My Husband I Wanted to Leave the Mormon Church

[@alyssadgrenfell]

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[@erikagough683]

Was waiting for this video ❤ love your content

[@erikagough683]

Would you and jackson ever do a remake of the gay marriage conversation? Like a video of it? I think it would help stop homophobia to have something like that out there ❤ maybe open other people's minds like it did yours ❤

[@erikagough683]

Also why don't you guys "redo vows" and do the wedding you guys wanted ❤ I think you both deserve to get what you want on your special day ❤

[@erikagough683]

Lol right after I commented that you said about it 😂❤

[@erikagough683]

39ish mins I think I could also be just from getting married because of the religion like "God" wants you to get married before a certain age or your parents. Then when they leave they realize they were only together because of being kinda forced within the religion. Which is good I think it means they aren't going to stay in a unloved marriage. I think you guys got lucky because you actually fell in love when dating ❤

[@emmalinekim9822]

I'm obsessed with the fact that Alyssa accidentally orchestrated her own mini episode of Mormon bachelorette in order to find a husband

[@fishjj76]

That was such a funny story.

[@303ks]

All it took to find the right man was six boxes of pizza

[@r.altman6458]

Having so many people, guys, she knew and invited over!

[@feliciasjoberg9886]

*in Raymond Holt voice* That is amazingly funny

[@calathealancifolia958]

and it WORKED

[@MynameisBrianZX]

Floored that Jackson was the "bad boy" figure but it's because he critically considers dogma and respects human rights.

[@michaelcallahan8412]

Don't forget he was rolling Satan's D20!

[@mrgnarchr]

That's a pretty accurate definition of punk tbh

[@theonionqueen3519]

He was born based as hell

[@bounce-house]

​@@mrgnarchr Naw, clearly your comment came from a lil punk biznatch

[@onlyinsomniac]

What Dungeons and Dragons does to a man...

[@katiekawaii]

"Nah, I talked to God about it. We're cool." The most badass response he could have come back with.

[@mbrammy7]

Simpsons line

[@mbrammy7]

(still badass)

[@mbrammy7]

@@katiekawaii episode 3, season 4, "Homer the Heretic" 👌🏼

[@dragonesswings]

A bunch of my friends did Confirmation during high school and while we had been Christmas Easter Catholics (I call it genuflexing) for at least a decade, I asked my mom if it was something I should do and she said that if I wanted to she would help me. "I talked to God about it. We're cool." was 100% the vibe when I told her I didn't think I needed to. A+++ would recommend

[@MynameisBrianZX]

"The 11th Commandment is cuddle thy woman" "Thanks brah"

[@okayhellohihowyadoin]

Okay TOTALLY see why you were so attracted to Jackson. Way too smart for “his own good”, open-minded, handsome, and put in the effort. I can also see how he helped you on your journey out of Mormonism. He helped you feel more comfortable with the things you were already questioning. And he was questioning himself openly already. Y’all were perfect for each other’s needs.

[@nodestusdatos]

A match made in heaven indeed! Such a lovely couple!

[@nd4539]

Alyssa, you ARE a teacher. Just not the way you envisioned it. You have taught so many people about the Mormon church, some of us nevermos and some probably questioning and wanting to leave. I imagine you’ve helped more people than you know, and the impact you’ve had is huge.

[@nicolecollins2]

I second this!

[@julijepp]

For. Real. I found Alyssa through her shorts, they blew up a bit before she started making long form content and I remember looking to see (at the time) if she bad any long videos and was bummed she didn't. The next week she uploaded her first video- not short, and I was elated for more! I wasn't Mormon, but my family has Catholic and Southern Baptist trauma so I was already into ex fundy content but Alyssas delivery is very calming and interesting. I think her experience informs her content and her open mindedness is the key. She wouldn't be here without having an open mind!

[@doeohdeer]

absolutely, i feel her sharing all she does with us is so valuable.

[@VelvetCrone]

This!

[@MissyZilla]

She is a great educator. Her education shows.

[@PawsitivelyQuestionable]

"Not once in the process of leaving the church did I consider divorcing you." Real man right there, loyal all the way. His point about mental flexibility was really well put. Y'all are a beautiful couple!

[@alyssadgrenfell]

He is a real man, for sure ;) and that's real love! I know he would love me if I stayed forever or if I left. His love for me wasn't about religion to begin with.

[@franciscoacevedo3036]

@alyssadgrenfell for a sec there thought 🤔 you and your sister shared in laws

[@porflock]

​@@alyssadgrenfellThat seems like the key to me. My husband and I also left a religion that had been the heart and center of our life--first he left and then both of us. Our marriage fell apart soon after, but not because of the process of leaving the church or disagreeing about religion. It made us realize that we had been leaning hard on the faith to cover over deep values differences. Even though we still loved each other, there was no real foundation for a shared life anymore.

[@Dracrek]

I think another facet for mutual divorce could be that if you weren't Mormon or another faith the promotes early marriage that you probably wouldn't have ever gotten married. I remember being 17 and picking out names for our children with my high school sweetheart, and once I left the church I couldn't even fathom having kids. She was incredible and we were deeply in love for a while, but we were so wrong for each other and our religion blinded us of that.

[@hexalm]

​@@alyssadgrenfell ❤ you guys as a couple. I reasoned my way out of the church earlier in life, but it's nice to see the commonalities (like realizing "the spirit" ain't shit)

[@theloverlyladylo9158]

That party is hilarious! I’m imagining it as something from a nature documentary. “The single Mormon males are all seeking the attention of the Mormon female. One, in order to reclaim her attention, one brings sustenance to distract the other males. His ploy is successful, and he claims the spot next to her on the couch.”

[@ArguAngels]

"Their prey; Cesar's pizza. One of the finest options for the Mormon specimens."

[@CocoLicious]

This narrated by Werner Herzog would take a dark turn fast

[@moonkey2712]

LOL

[@TheNadzed]

Did you offer her a piece of cheese?

[@lizzyinthahizzy]

Narrated by David Attenborough

[@l-.-l-hey]

My grandma was exmormon and while living in Utah being a single mom she helped women and young girls that wanted to leave the Mormon church because of a marriage that their father or family set them up with and had no other choice but to marry. She'd give them a place to stay and help them get back on their feet, she was a badass❤️

[@cassidybrewer]

She sounds wonderful.

[@UlexiteTVStoneLexite]

Wow what a great grandma. I didn't really care for my grandma she wasn't that great of a person.

[@mqib681]

@@UlexiteTVStoneLexiteyeah old ppl tend to be really sweet or total cunts lol

[@timriehl1500]

That is my definition of a good woman!

[@kikigirlkauai]

❤❤

[@PRANKZOMBIE]

It’s really impressive that he had that kind of perspective on gay marriage as a member of the church. Also having the wherewithal to understand that his religious beliefs should not dictate the laws of others who don’t share them

[@pompommania]

Sadly, in the US, it does

[@noniousxltruffles7454]

I find religious bigotry to b6 loathsome no matter the subject be that female equality, homosexuality or the good old 'my version of our religion's better than yours". Grrrr! 😡

[@moriseyusa]

Not surprising that someone into d&d would have perspective. Role playing creates empathy and an opportunity to try on new personas that may just make more sense than the ones your oarents/religion gave you.

[@christinesbetterknitting4533]

​@pompommania Your position is ridiculous. If you think you are bring oppressed, examine the damage your desires are promoting and you will see why you are feeling restricted.

[@leonardegan2883]

​@@moriseyusa Not to mention the fundamentalist backlash to a harmless hobby you enjoy can sow the seeds of doubt. Plus anecdotally a lot of LGBT people seemed to play DnD, even in the small town I'm from

[@OhReallyNow-w4b]

Former Mormon here. I was a convert and pressured to get married young and met another convert who was a decade older. He felt the pressure to marry and start a family asap. He wanted to get married 3 months after meeting and proposed to me at the Temple we eventually married in. I was so caught up in the fantasy of it all being the answer to a happy life and eternity. We had a 9 month engagement and every we knew pushed to get it done faster. I overlooked every red flag that I was marrying the wrong person who just wanted “a good girl”. I had my endowment, Temple marriage and first intimate encounter all in one day. I was so overwhelmed with everything but stuck out with counseling with my bishop. My husband wanted to get me pregnant right away but at 21 I put my foot down and wanted to wait at least two years. My husband was so mad because I was ruining his plans. The temple experience made me so sad and our wedding was lonely and didn’t feel like a celebration. It was first and foremost a commitment ceremony to the church not each other. Two kids later I really got into church history. My husband was the church librarian and I had access to official church books only. I found so much information I didn’t know and asked so many…too many questions. When I no longer believed my husband was ok with it at first. I still believed in God and found another church I loved. He even came with me. But when leaders found out he was less active they pressured him to come back. He started to change and picked arguments. He started insulting and calling me names. Then it became physical. I couldn’t talk to him about my LDS doubts or my joy in my new church where I felt peace. I was not allowed to talk about my thoughts that were different than his because he said I was being disrespectful and breaking our vows. (Not to each other but the church) . I was heartbroken and told I was not worthy of being treated kindly. I then caught him having an affair with another Mormon woman who had an inactive husband. I was still willing to work it out if he would go into counseling. He refused and after 18 years of marriage we divorced . He is still an active Mormon and never remarried. I have PTSD from that marriage but I am grateful I still have two wonderful grown children (who are non religious) that I have good relationships with. I don’t regret the divorce. I’ve dated off and on through the years and paid closer attention to toxic relationships. I never felt I had to be in another relationship or married again. I do have a new relationship now that is so healthy and respectful and loving. My ex keeps going through several short term relationships. I don’t miss him even when I think about all the years we could have spent together in a reasonably happy marriage. But after what I have now I realize I never had love I had a situationship at best. I’m smiling that you let your love speak louder than your fears! Thank you for sharing your story!

[@crystaldaley7850]

wow what an incredible story. thanks for sharing

[@maddychurchhouse4556]

I'm so glad you found happiness, what an amazing story!

[@bryceburgart8544]

My wife and I left the LDS church after 45 years. That was 10 years ago, and we discussed having a vow renewal that is more like a “real” wedding, finally, last year, my wife and I did a 30th anniversary vow renewal. Wedding dress, new suit, new wedding ring professional photographer, the whole 9 yards. Wedding reception at a banquet hall on the beach (including open bar, to the horror of our Mormon parents), then a honeymoon cruise down to Mexico. It was awesome! We got married the right way our second time! Highly recommend you do it (kind of costs a lot of $$ though, prepare for that)

[@Joeen-n7h]

Read the Scriptures about marriage and you find everything you did is all pagan.

[@OliviaRehrig]

I love that! Hope all is going well! ❤️

[@bryceburgart8544]

@@Joeen-n7hReally? You’re going to bring religion back into this? I don’t care if it was Pagan, Buddhism, Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever. I could invite anyone I wanted, and didn’t need an ecclesiastical authority to approve their attendance. In other words, I don’t give a flying rats a$$ what the Bible says that my vow renewal was. I was there. It’s what my wife and I wanted. It was beautiful.

[@jsmixson]

since you are used to that tithe amount being subtracted from your operational/disposable income; take that amount and invest in yourself. Especially with interest rates they way they are now. It won't take long to be able to afford the wedding of your dreams.

[@hinanochick]

Many religions don't like when you ask too many questions and don't like when you decide to think on your own

[@CW-rt4sr]

I think you two deciding to drink coffee together the first time is absolutely the biggest moment. I think that's when you became spiritually sealed to each other for all eternity. That moment is sacred because you examined your beliefs and moved through them together.

[@brianbrett7966]

This is the most underrated comment I’ve read in my investigation ❤😂

[@Conservator.]

I had no idea that any religion would forbid to drink coffee. I don’t see the point of forbidding it either. More on topic: I agree that that moment must have been monumental.

[@Love-ashedid]

you are mocking and making fun of those who understand, interesting how those who “leave” have to mock by wearing tank tops, drink coffee, get a tattoo, those who don’t do those simple things make a choice between the Lord and a cup of coffee. I see it as a way to choose what is more important. Humility needed for sure. The Temple simply represents The Savior and making fun of the Temple and the symbols of Christ. You are mocking Him. Nothing wrong with quietly walking away if you are struggling.

[@Conservator.]

@@Love-ashedid I agree and I’ll choose coffee every day.

[@alisondelli-gatti8500]

@@Love-ashedidyou’re weird

[@beautibrew]

I'm an atheist that has never been mormon or even interacted with anyone from the mormon church but your videos are so fascinating to me that i can't stop watching them. It's so rare to get such a detailed look into what actually happens in the mormon faith from someone as eloquent and transparent as you and your husband are. So happy for you both that you followed your own path and stayed true to your relationship through all of it!

[@kikigirlkauai]

Talk about a dictatorship. Wow that’s manipulating and Abusive to treat others like the church does. Your wedding day. Omg. I so happy you two are free and loving life. You’re amazing humans. ❤

[@kikigirlkauai]

Go to South Lake Tahoe to renew your vows. The glass chapel overlooking the trees and lake are stunning. And you can any kind of ceremony you want. Plus a beautiful second honeymoon.

[@somanykitties]

Most of my close friends growing up were (and still are are) Mormon. I had a lot of exposure and went to church and events with them but I’m as unreligious as a person gets so I was always just kinda shrugging at the weird things they did. I was actually so unreligious that they never even tried to convert me, lol. The more I learn though and the older I get, the more I just smh. Religion is just all about control and the LDS church is definitely one of the most controlling.

[@400_billion_suns]

@@somanykittiesMy youth was just like yours. I still love my Mormon friends, but I also feel so sad that they never really had any say in what they believe, and I wonder how much more they would have flourished and developed as their authentic selves if they hadn’t been born into the church.

[@cosmicalchemist8219]

❤❤❤

[@abigailfoster3342]

Your story of your final day at church had me sitting here slack-jawed. I grew up evangelical and no longer am active in the church, but much of my extended family is. I truly cannot imagine the courage it took for you to stand up there in front of everybody and essentially say “yeah, so, maybe most of this is bullshit” and then walk out. The thought of doing that myself, even now when I’ve been out of the church for years, makes me want to curl into a ball with anxiety. You’re such an unbelievable badass, Alyssa!

[@lasantuzza777]

“down on my luck vibes” and “brain injury” took me out 😭😭😭 talk about a first impression lmfao

[@atherisGAY]

And in the end he and her got together 😂 goes to show first impressions aren't all that 😂

[@Chris-fh3db]

It's so cute their life is very webtoon-able

[@somebody6228]

omg you guys have such a healthy relationship literal goals

[@alyssadgrenfell]

Thank you so much! It was so fun to have him on the channel, usually I'm just alone so it was very great to have him join and do this together ❤

[@oliviam4667]

@@alyssadgrenfellthis is one of my favorite videos of yours!!

[@trenae77]

@@alyssadgrenfella woman doesn’t need a man to be a strong woman, but it IS clear when a strong woman has a strong and supportive man standing by her. It is evident in your confidence and self-assurance. And Jackson clearly has the spirit of a man who knows his wife is solidly in his camp.

[@maxwellmurdoch]

This is like the opposite of a lot of the toxic Korean drama relationships I see on TV.

[@Ryan-pi4go]

Is Joseph and Emma Smith your relationship goal? I am joking.

[@nataliethomas444]

Very interesting to hear they offer classes to prepare Mormons to counter criticisms of the church. Also it’s so funny Jackson called it Defense Against the Dark Arts lol

[@steveambrose2349]

Who’s offering classes? Is this being done at the meeting house? Just for rank and file members?

[@Joeen-n7h]

Just read between the lines of that religion and you’ll get a great awakening!

[@raffa4456]

Apologist tendencies in religion have always been the enemy of sincere attempts at understanding, understanding people different from you, the world in general. Mormons really haven't invented such teachings, neither are they the only ones with those tendencies, although they integrated them really well in their brainwashing procedures. Still, in Europe these would largely not be successful nowadays, so you really have to question what makes the US such fruitful soil for such ideas and preying on potential converts.

[@lynnilotta]

i had a similar class when i was studying Biologie (in the Netherlands). i don't remember what it was called. one part of it was how to talk to journalists or animal activists and defend animal testing. i'm a vegan now.... funny how these things sometimes go

[@kayleewilliams3021]

At BYUI, we had a religion class where we had to write small papers about common issues in the church, like gospel topic essays, and how we would help explain them to someone who is doubting the church

[@mikegirard4388]

Renewing your vows in “Sin City” seems like the perfect venue for your post-LDS life together.

[@marelinem541]

@mikegirard4388 "Renewing your vows in “Sin City” seems like the perfect venue for your post-LDS life together.' I just LOVE when self-righteous judgmental people like you comment ... Otherwise people might get the mistaken idea from watching Alyssa's videos that mormons are decent (if misguided) people.

[@billcook4768]

Ironically, for a long time Vegas was about the most Mormon city outside Utah.

[@pinky9192]

@@billcook4768you learn something new everyday

[@lizziex6447]

@@marelinem541 I don't think you get the joke. They're pointing out that the irony is almost poetic, not defending the Mormon church or accusing her of being a sinner. I get that people get a little touchy after leaving the church, and a lot of things can be triggering. I understand that, having religious trauma myself. Take a deep breath and do something you love. You'll be alright.

[@costernocht]

@@billcook4768 I've read that Las Vegas was built by Jewish and Italian mobsters and Mormon bankers.

[@NadiaDinger]

OMG! I am so amazed that you truly questioned the dogma taught by the church. I went to BYU as a non-Mormon. Many tried to convert me. I actually met president Hinkley once while working for catering at BYU while serving at a banquet. My Mormon roommates were so jealous. They told me, “you will believe once you meet our prophet”. Well, I met him and even said hello. Nothing changed in my mind, no aha moment, no bright light, etc. he was a very nice old man who did not like carrots. It was a pleasant encounter and nothing more. I did have a great experience and fantastic roommates while studying there. They even saved me from very eager missionaries knowing that I had no interest in becoming a Mormon. I appreciated that they did not judge me and were not afraid of me (some Mormons do not like associating with non-Mormons). We always had mutual respect for each other. Some of my non-Mormon friends had a different experience. Sadly.

[@th13rte3n]

I am so curious why you went to BYU as a non-Mormon. Is that common?

[@NadiaDinger]

@@th13rte3n it’s not common. When I was there, only 1% of student body were non Mormons. Some are athletes (they do have a strong football team), some chose the school for its reputation in various disciplines. I had an acquaintance who chose the school because it had one of the best engineering programs in the country. Others were international students who ended up in Utah for different reasons.

[@bk6827]

Haha I’m not Mormon but I love Jackson so much. ”Nah I talked to the Lord. I’m good“. He’s such a good normal dude. You’re lucky you married him.

[@dalelawrence85]

“Religion shouldn’t be using government to tell people how they should live”. 👏👏 I see why you married the guy. Brilliant. As a former Catholic clergy student I can attest that it takes singular discernment to recognize the flaws in your most cherished teachings and beliefs.

[@simonekoves2301]

It's a little hilarious that your Capstone project (and the thing which broke your shelf) was a flowchart of Joseph Smith's body count 💀

[@avimae4225]

​@@doctorquestian😂

[@sarahmarie3317]

There’s so much love in the way you look at each other. It’s rare to see love that just “radiates” off a couple- but it totally does. It’s amazing how you guys started out in a cult and yet here you are😂 absolutely thriving!

[@alyssadgrenfell]

Thank you so much for this comment, it means a lot :) 8 years and two kids later we've been on a wild ride, and it feels like we're only getting started!

[@AnnoyingNewsletters]

If you'd have stayed, you'd have to strike that, reverse it, with 8 kids in 2 years. 😅

[@shelleyhowell86]

@@alyssadgrenfell Your children are so lucky to have parents who left the cult.

[@kayhollings1777]

Oh my gosh, I was at the SDA church attending a health talk with a friend this weekend. There was a couple there and OH WOW you should have seen the way they looked at each other. Constantly! They had a gorgeous little baby and they seamlessly managed the happy little cutie with nothing but joy. The one that finally got me though... he went out for a few minutes and when he came back in, she turned to see him and her face just lit up. He'd been gone like three minutes! I turned to look at him and the absolutely adoring smile on his face. They were too sweet. You don't see that often and it was wonderful. I mentioned them to my mate (who is SDA) and she said they are always like that and have been the whole three years she's known them. Wow!! I'm leaving my partner LOL (I'm a bit serious though) - we would barely even register each other re-entering a room, and it could have been an hour!

[@ericarodriguez8905]

I’m a few years older than you, was not raised in the Moridor, discovered the truth about Joseph Smith as a teenager, and left the church when I turned 18. I gasped when you told your story about bearing your testimony on your last day of church! I could only dream to be so bold! I’m so proud of your courage and strength.

[@Airelda]

You chose a keeper - one only has to see the compassionate, thoughtful and respectful way Jackson listens to you without interrupting. He’s a good one! Happy for you!

[@2bleubird]

My wife and I stopped attending church about 10 years ago. Our journey has been similar to yours. My wife had doubts about the church a few years ago prior to that. We were not on the same page for a year or two. I struggled with that for a while but I always felt that my wife was more important than the church. After some time I began to think more critically about things that used to really bother me about the church (polygamy in particular). When the church implemented the November 5th policy (the one where the church said they would not baptize the children of gay parents). It felt to me that the Church leadership was being vindictive because they could no longer prevent same sex marriages. Within a month, I asked to be released from my calling as a youth Sunday school teacher and I stopped attending church. My life has been so much better ever since.

[@humansvd3269]

Why should a church allow Gay marriage when it's clearly against the word of God?

[@House_Of_Brine]

I honestly feel like in all the other mormon pics I've seen of Alyssa, her eyes don't have the sparkle and emotion that you can clearly see in the engagement photos. Clearly, you two have something special! ❤

[@joannaprevost426]

I noticed it too. Looks like her eyes sparkle. The eyes are the windows to your soul. When she was in the Church, she looked souless or just going through what the church doctrine teaches Day to day. Way too much repression to adhere to day to day. It's seems like living through a mine.

[@iambored678]

From NPC to main character

[@moshimoshi533]

Happens with a lot of cult like religions. You aren't living for yourself, but for your faith and community. There is no "self", but only what you can do for the faith.

[@Rutabega_NG]

I would agree, they're both glowing here. Hope they have many more happy decades together.

[@MrTrollo2]

it's because photos don't show movement bro

[@jmarq2297]

Not Mormon nor have I ever been but it took me a long time to realize that the churchy burning in my bosom or the feeling in my stomach were anxiety and heartburn and eventually an ulcer

[@400_billion_suns]

God works in listeriosis ways

[@childofcascadia]

@400_billion_suns Awesome. Just awesome.

[@kerlygerl]

😜

[@jenniferlynn3537]

⁠@@400_billion_suns Salmonella for me!!!!

[@shareelehman8190]

You need a doctor and Jesus, forget the “church”.

[@meredithrasey2032]

Something I find so interesting about these “revelations” you’re talking about is that they seem like normal human desires. It seems like you weren’t allowed to want for anything in your life whether it be travel, relationships, etc. so subconsciously justified it by claiming it was divinely revealed to you in a religiously safe way. “I want to go to Italy” was “I’m being called to Italy for a mission.” “I like this boy” was “the spirit lead me to him.” I can’t imagine how disempowered you must have felt. Maybe I’m just reading into it tho

[@bellalioness]

I didn't grow up Mormon but I did grow up evangelical and I think subconsciously we would use "callings" and "revelations" to validate our desire for something or decision to do something. We were always guilted for doing something we wanted by being asked things like "is this your God's will? Or your will?"

[@victoriarose10]

Wow that's a great point

[@bnana987]

As someone who loves coffee and DnD it feels so interesting to hear that these things were so symbolic in your relationship.

[@merindahthornton5080]

Me too 😃

[@AnnoyingNewsletters]

31:20 Tithing off of net income is how he was able to afford to win your heart with Little Caesars Pizza at the Alyssa Games, though. 😅

[@softwaifu]

Lmao I was thinking the same thing. Financial King!

[@patrickspendrin3107]

Sometimes you have to choose wisely in life 😀

[@lindalund9621]

All that Thithing nonsense in USA. Keeping churches and pastors rich in all kind of religions😒 keeping poor people even more poor without this money. Mammon is a strong god still and believe Me this was not in Jesus image

[@guwayne_guween]

😅

[@PetitPoneyDuVercors26]

Should be based on the money left after rent/housing (electricity etc) and medical expenses 10% of what is left after base stuff But I guess having more financial justice isn't a priority for these churches x) Like the percent should change too, if you earn 8000 paying 800 isn't that bad cuz you don't have a 4000 rent usually haha If you earn 1500 paying 150 is harder cuz half your salary goes into rent/housing (electricity etc) But anyways since this money isn't really used to redistribute to the needy, really that's just another weight for poor families...

[@9eyeswideopen]

I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness after 65 years when I realised it was not the so-called Truth. What made it excruciating for me my husband had just been diagnosed with cancer. Sadly we lost him within weeks so when I needed my faith, my family, my friends I had nothing. I’ve lost everything, but I cannot return no matter the cost. I’m so happy you have each other and friends to rebuild your life

[@gondalagonzales7893]

If I may be curious, what allows you to carry on as you are? What gives you your strength? How are you now?

[@maryoberschlake1988]

Be well. best wishes.

[@LisaReisinger-p4w]

So happy you were able to see the truth and get out. Sending light, love, and well wishes your way

[@revanamessengeramongmany]

You don't have to be Religious to have Faith .. I gave up on the "cults" not on God .. I consider myself Spiritual not Religious. I feel your loss .. I pray you find comfort. Thank you Beautiful Soul for sharing. Have a Wonderful Journey

[@lindakillingbeck3178]

❤​@@revanamessengeramongmany

[@hannahlienert-brown7752]

You've become a teacher, but not in the way you thought you'd be ❤

[@wallhagens2001]

Nice point.

[@Joeen-n7h]

I admire the way you offer your views without being offensive. Nice teacher quality!

[@jenniferlynn3537]

I thought the same thing!!! And the irony is that Alyssa now teaches to such a larger audience - and in a way that is FAR more impactful!

[@ProfMcGonaGil]

I came here to say the same thing!!!

[@VampyBlood17]

The pizza move was GENIUS! I’m so glad it worked out cause you both are so compatible

[@emilybelzer5773]

I want to give your whole relationship a hug. It's awesome to see how you consistently came together over it all.

[@neehaa]

y’all are so cute!! love how hubby constantly is hyping up alyssa🤍

[@alyssadgrenfell]

I know :) I love when he shared the book. I'm not crying, you're crying 🥹🥹

[@neehaa]

@@alyssadgrenfell​​⁠​​⁠Y’all got me giggling and kicking my feet with how obviously in love y’all are. Like at 23:45?? SIR??? Why am i feeling flustered?? I’m so glad you two found each other and hope your family lives a happy life😤🥺

[@Faolan42]

When I asked my parents about Joseph smith’s polygamy and pointed out that he was in his 30’s when he married the 14yo, mom said “it was a different time, girls getting married young was normal then.” What was actually normal was you women married young men, not men twice their age.

[@APerson863]

Even the whole "people just married young back then" is not true. Some people married as teenagers, but that was very much the exception. And even then only really in high society. A 30 year old man marrying a random 14 year old would have definitely been seen as wrong.

[@childofcascadia]

@Faolan42 People throughout history have always partnered up/married somewhere between 17-28. The man is usually a few, but not a whole lot of years older than the woman. Not always though. Why we think women/girls married very young is because royals and leaders betrothed their very young (like 12-14) women/girls to men ranging in ages from 16-70 for alliances and stuff like that. And history was written by/about the people in power. So we look at that and think thats the way it was. But it wasnt. Common people were kind of just like us. They partnered up in their late teenage years to late 20s, to people generally around the same age.

[@GFAprodite]

​@APerson863 I Don't Think That Was Completing True. In "Little House On The Prairie" There Was This One Story About A 13yo With An Older Man. People Were Not In Favor Of It, But It Was Legal.

[@tomasrocha6139]

@@childofcascadia Not throughout history. Aristotle famously said he thought the best ages of marriage for men and women were 37 and 18 respectively. Men in the Greco-Roman World at least seem to have gotten married much later than women.

[@brandon9172]

@childofcascadia No comment on what you said, but I love your username. ✊

[@schmidtcs]

Mixed faith marriage is not easy, and I’m SO glad I had accepted my husband’s non-belief before we got married. Now we’re both non-believing and HE made me feel safe to explore my beliefs and to know that he would be there further me either way. I very much relate to how Jackson would express ideas that opened up your mind, because my husband did that for me 100%.

[@UlexiteTVStoneLexite]

Yeah same here. My religious beliefs (Presbyterian) were destroying my marriage and I had no idea. My husband was miserable. I was okay at the beginning of our relationship but years in I got way more extreme in my religion and my husband just never was religious. I finally found my way out and things have never been better. I don't know what my life would be like now if I had not stayed with my husband and head look for someone that was more religious. Fortunately for me the religious man at my church had no interest in me at all😂😂😂. I had to find someone else 400 mi away instead

[@curtismartin2866]

​@@UlexiteTVStoneLexiteI have to admit that I have never heard of an extreme Presbyterian 😂

[@UlexiteTVStoneLexite]

@@curtismartin2866 oh they are definitely out there.

[@MissaBrevis]

​@@curtismartin2866It depends on the congregation! At least in America, PCA is actually pretty hardcore conservative calvinist, while PCUSA is a lot more liberal both politically and in its approach to the doctrine

[@StopBeingVictimsItsNotGodly]

So basically you got yourself involved in a unequally yoked relationship, something the Bible said we should not do and now have to compromise the Bible to satisfy your unreligious husband. Sure

[@amberbydreamsart5467]

Yall's first drinking experience is honestly a great example of the teaching sex ed argument; way better for someone to be taught how to do something risky responsibly than them guess through it when they do decide to. I didn't get a hangover until several times into drinking and didn't throw up from drinking for years, I've still only ever done that once despite two blackouts... but I was taught by my family how to drink responsibly and knew what pacing was normal to see how things hit

[@theunknownatheist3815]

“Blackouts?” Whoa, that is way beyond being responsible. 🙄

[@jaybird7369]

I think it was very kind and almost poetic in a way that Jackson wasn't the one to initially leave. It was something you were both leaning towards heavily and in the end, you made that decision for you. Not out of any other pressure or shame but because of a bold proclamation of your beliefs and a choice you made *for* you. 🧡💛💚 I hope your proud every day of the confidence you have in yourself, I bet the growing pains were rough-

[@Freaky0Nina]

If your husband feels comfortable on camera, we would love more videos with you both. Your combined energy is brightening my day.

[@pearliee]

Jackson kept saying how Alyssa was a catch but hes a catch aswell. You two saved eachother from living a restricted life

[@kimanderson9380]

“You are on a marriage assembly line…made for speed and efficiency” Perfect description! Our “sealer” told us to never spend a night apart - my husband had just graduated from medical school and we were facing having to spend every third night apart for his internship year. Now when I think back to my wedding day - that memory is the biggest one! We both just groaned internally. Nobody took the trouble to even get to know us so our wedding was a freaking rubber stamp. Pathetic

[@kenza_wenza]

its super interesting hearing alyssa talk about not beinf cut out for teaching, now having a channel dedicated to educating people on mormonism. you guys are an inspiration!

[@wanjanechtangroeger]

You two turned losing faith and deconstruction into a bonding experience - totally awesome!

[@Hypothermic_Ghosty]

The way my skin CRAWLED when I heard the words "Thank you for your testimony sister." I haven't heard those words in years, and my skin is actively crawling

[@JohnDLee-im4lo]

Our skin was more like limping reading your drivel.

[@namzhilmia]

​@@JohnDLee-im4loyou are such a 🤡

[@lizziex6447]

@@JohnDLee-im4lo Look at you, busting out the thesaurus for this! Imagine caring this much about rubbing salt in the wounds of those who were already hurt by your church. Now all you have to do is arrange those words in a way that makes sense, and you might actually succeed in doing so.

[@pumpkin3461]

I think its very admirable how neither one interrupts the other yet they both have valuable things to share

[@justine8387]

But they are also super excited to talk about how much they like each other. So they dart little things in while the other one is collecting their thoughts. Like they don't interrupt, but they also create space for each other while story telling.

[@aurelia9909]

I would love to hear more about Jackson’s story and his Mormon experience! (If he’s willing to share of course!)

[@azlizzie]

Man I love a good coming out story. Doesn’t matter if it is coming out gay/atheist… whatever. It’s all good. I love people realizing who they are and leaning into it. It’s so lovely seeing people blossom, even when they are afraid to.

[@NoraMorgan]

I fell into a rabbit hole listening to your story. I was never as devout as you but I had similar experiences leaving the Catholic Church. I still can’t reconcile the Old and New Testament. What made me leave was similar, I went to church with a crisis of faith and all I received was a sermon on the importance of tithing. I appreciate what you’re doing. ♥️♥️

[@L3Arm]

Loved the chance to meet Jackson. What an intelligent and articulate partner. I appreciated what he added to a difficult conversation.

[@NikkiSchumacherOfficial]

Good grief. Y’all are so in love. 🥰 You can’t stop giggling whenever you speak to your husband.

[@avelee8.21.7BC]

My dear, it’s great that she still giggles when she’s talking to her husband after all these years. It’s enduring and sweet and shows they’re still head over heels for each other. There’s so many toxic relationships out there and especially on SM so this is refreshing to see. Plus, they’re filming and technically talking to themselves so it’s gotta be a bit awkward which could make one giggle.

[@wmluna381]

And this 'late in the game' as well. Impressive.

[@Saliacha]

​@@avelee8.21.7BC that is quite literally what they said

[@JBUHJBUH]

​@@Saliacha Yeah, they're just expanding on what they said by giving examples & comparisons. Conversations can also work that way - it doesn't have to be each person sharing a completely new, standalone & different thought in each comment lol, chill.

[@galaxychar]

@@avelee8.21.7BCThe comment wasn’t negative, wtf lol.

[@Ccamero123]

Let’s talk about sex! I’m forty five years married. After I left the church (not Mormon) I really knew nothing about sex. I was married in 1978. It seemed like everyone was having a hoot in the seventies but I was clueless. My husband and I bought the book The Joy Of Sex! Seems like such an innocent book now but we hid it in our bedroom. That book was the greatest! Not trying to embarrass anyone but the church never talks about a healthy sex life with your own husband or wife.

[@joeking433]

You’ve got to be kidding me. Smh.

[@TheJoyBinkley]

yes! absolutely. education is empowerment. the mental whiplash of going from 2 decades of 'sex is evil' to 'you're married now- have fun' all with 0 information, mentoring, or understanding was just so difficult to get through.

[@MrLuchenkov]

"Me and God are cool, yeah, we're alright". What a lad. Beautiful couple, the two of ye.

[@atherisGAY]

I thought that was a truly inspired thing to say and it holds up. ❤ If you believe in God, God is the one you have to be in the clear with, noone else.

[@Ash.Crow.Goddess]

Why are dating stories so fun? Idk, but I always love to hear them. And I was raised in a totally secular home. We went to a church a few times with my grandma. And I maybe went worth a few friends, a few times and that's it. My parents were both hippies and totally secular. It was a wonderful way to be raised. And makes this story that much more interesting from that perspective.

[@Thebarbknowsbest]

Words are powerful. In a way, your father's "blessing" has come true. You are being a powerful and highly effective teacher--showing people new paths to personal growth and enlightenment.

[@erinasnow]

That was exactly what I was thinking lol. If you have enough visions or blessings, one of them will stick, in one way or another. Reminds me of those prophecies in fantasy that are interpreted in a completely wrong way.

[@joannedoctor8215]

Thought that you are a teacher. You are one of the few you tuibers who deserves to be called an influencer.

[@melbaangel420]

When my daughter was younger we had neighbors that were Mormon, they weren’t the most strict practicing ones but the daughter invited my daughter to some young women’s thing or whatever that they did every other Wednesday. the first one wasn’t too bad but the second one before the girls got out to the car the woman that was running the whole thing politely I told my neighbor that it would be best if my daughter didn’t come back when she asked why the lady told her that my daughter was too opinionated. Apparently at some point my daughter said I’ve never had religion and I never will and a couple of the other girls said something along the lines of what does she mean she’s never had religion. I’ve often wondered if she changed any lives that day.

[@Joeen-n7h]

Research the meanings of religion and you’ll know why.

[@wmluna381]

Your daughter is awesome 💪

[@augustuslunasol10thapostle]

@@Joeen-n7h yeah its called control and i aint gonna be some fuckers puppet

[@iambored678]

Omg I was just thinking I wonder if she'll ever have her husband on the channel! I'm excited to watch!

[@alyssadgrenfell]

Yes, here he is!! He's done a few short form videos with me but it was definitely time for a long form video. :D

[@iambored678]

@alyssadgrenfell thank you for replying to my comment! 🤩 it was a pleasure watching you two!

[@steggopotamus]

He's really got a good camera presence too. If he wanted to make a podcast etc. obviously only if he wants to, but he could.

[@paullefevre8684]

Loved this episode. You two being honest and open is a huge win. Jackson's offhand, "...the woman thou gavest me" comment would only be understood by those of us who have gone through the temple :) I came back from my mission with serious doubts about the church. While I was on it, a girl from my stake had "adopted" me as a writing project -- I'd met her before I left, but only briefly. She devotedly wrote to me my whole mission, and I did enjoy getting the letters from home! A week after being home, I was invited to their home for dinner. Weird vibe. When it was over, she walked me out to my car, basically "attacked" me (mormon-style, which meant hugs and kissing), and then she asked when I thought I'd be ready to propose. I was a bit stunned, and said I wasn't ready to get married, and that we barely knew each other, and that I needed time to decide who and what I wanted. The next morning, there was a box on my doorstep with all of the letters I'd written to her on my mission, each one cut in multiple pieces. And that ended that. But, yeah, that whole, "Well, you did your mission and you know a good mormon girl, so it's time to get married" hit home! Instead I left the church a few months later, and never looked back. :)

[@CyndiLu68]

I believe he is referring to the account of Adam and Eve in the book of Genesis in the Bible.

[@paullefevre8684]

@@CyndiLu68 it's also quoted in the Mormon temple ceremony, and is a big part of it. Blaming Eve and all.

[@JM-yh9pd]

I’ve never been Mormon, but this was still wonderful to watch and see the love radiating between you two

[@OhSoPetrichor]

Jackson is so cool! A natural born philosopher. It’s incredibly impressive to have such amazing perception and ability to articulate it when you’re embedded in such a stringent and oppressive environment. I’m glad you guys found each other ❤

[@karuti11]

why not re-do more than the vows? have a full new ceremony the way you two want, not how anyone else wants (and wear a slightly not white enough dress lol)

[@linzraz9834]

Or a red dress!

[@loiscassels8966]

@@linzraz9834I got married in red. Love it.

[@LisaReisinger-p4w]

And a full coffee bar

[@VelvetCrone]

I have observed that the best part of well done secular weddings is your friends and family being there. All the people you love who love you. They are also witnesses to the promises you make to each other, and I found, and still find that meaningful. It's pretty amazing to stand up in front of all your friends and family in a very nice, comfortable, welcoming, space, looking absolutely fabulous, and make some realistic, intimate, heartfelt promises to each other with everyone you love having your back. Then you eat some really good food and dance to your favorite music, and talk with each other, deepening existing relationships and making new ones. I highly recommend it. The 2 drawbacks, which if you know them and plan correctly can be avoided, are 1) the stress/expense of planning the thing, and 2) a love one who struggles with substances that gets inebriated at the party. A little wisdom and compassion goes a long way to diffusing those drawbacks, and you guys seem to have those. You'd have a great wedding!

[@derek3152]

His quiet appropriateness letting you share without his dude-need to interrupt, his admiration-gaze, your (both of you) give and take, both of your thoughtful language. I LOVE watching the two of you together. Sooo good. My marriage vows included the words "not looking inward, rather out in the same direction..." (...obviously not a mormon.) I love seeing you both together in this video!! Thank you.

[@dcarts5616]

I’m sorry you grew up around a bunch of men who never let their wives speak. Where did you grow up? In my nearly 20 years of marriage I’ve never once “dude-interrupted” my wife and neither do the other hundreds of married men I’ve known over the years while attending church. 99% look at their wives in admiration and love, as most good marriages are wont to do.

[@RisottoNero-z1w]

man, the way you look at each other is so wholesome. Warms my heart a little

[@mars7639]

Your husband has such a kind, mellow face. I trust him.

[@SnugglyBarracuda]

This story is so reassuring. I grew up in the south in a church and watching people become healthy and free is just beautiful. Yall keep doin you

[@thunderousapplause]

I was in a cult, and I remember almost losing my mind rather than questioning my beliefs as it didn't even occur to me to question them for so long. Then I checked out a book from the library that was exposing the cult of Scientology, except that I didn't really know that's what it was doing, I thought it was about celebs in Scientology, didnt know anything about it. And the time I got through with that book, not only was I out of my own cult, I was an atheist. Had to do a lot of reading and watching vids to find my footing. Your vids will help so many trapped people.

[@kayanneyoung9788]

You mentioned in another video that your husband hasn't taken his name off the roll because he's trying to get the church to excommunicate him. I would love to hear more about that!

[@marelinem541]

I can give some advice about that ... Reporting to a bishop that a family member had molested my 11 year old son (accompanied by 100% proof) got me instantly excommunicated. The perpetrator was told to have another baby (their third) to repair their marriage, moved into the Scouting program from being a Sunday school teacher (because being a pedophiles means you are not holy enough to teach Sunday School, but being a pedophile does not disqualify you from being a boy Scout leader [??? and this known pedophile remained in the mormon scout program for years]). This person admitted to having had sex with a relative that was legally a minor and the mormon church decided to handle it as if if were 'an adulterous affair.' Bishops are given a great deal of 'discretion' in how (and even if) to acknowledge/discipline pedophiles.

[@maxthemad19]

@@marelinem541 holy shit. I’m actually in shock reading this. I hope your son is okay, and that both of you are getting the support you need to heal bc. wow. and I thought the catholic church was bad 😢😢

[@poodlegirl56]

​@@marelinem541I know the Mormon church in our area keeps their own pack and troop. Please inform the BSA Council you are in about this man. They will have him removed from leadership. Im not sure how he got past the back groud check. This is terrifying.

[@lululisalu4396]

He got thru the background check because no one within the church was allowed to report it, so it’s unlikely anyone outside the church knew about it - clearly no one reported it to the police (or if they did, you might be forgiven for thinking the police were “fine, upstanding” Mormons!!!

[@sarah-seww-creative]

@@WatchingwaitingG2Dkind of a laughable statement coming from someone in a cult that is told not to question anything as “the thinking has been done.”

[@renettesteele9752]

I grew up non Mormon in utah. (60s-70s) when I tell people what I went through growing up they think I'm crazy and making it up. The discrimination still hurts. Thank you for giving your light on the truth.

[@itsdeanya]

HILARIOUS about the wealth of pizzas. That's like a modern-day parable. I remember also being super impressed by a guy who had some money to spend. Loving the channel so far. Hope your new year is great.

[@cdnsee3326]

Over the past 14 years since I left my life has drastically improved for the better. No longer in a relationship with a woman I shouldn't have been married to in the first place , and much happier living my authentic life with a loving and supportive husband. Thank you for sharing your story, it will be very helpful for those who are struggling with the decision to leave

[@briannacox4878]

He is so well-spoken! Would love more videos with him and more videos about his story, esp growing up with one Mormon parent and one non-Mormon parent

[@seabrookmx]

"I was also relieved on our wedding night" lolol

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

34:25 - In a way.... You are kinda actually a teacher, now, just .. in a slightly different way. You educate people through social media! 😊💖

[@eviefriend3976]

My husband and I left the Jehovahs Witnesses together. That was back in 2005. We have been married 30 years. Its been 20 and I am still healing.

[@MaxFleye]

The Dungeon's and Dragons warning really hit home with me. When I was a kid, my dad said he was going out to buy a pack of D20's, and he never returned 😭

[@beccaw74]

wait, d20's come in packs? I be right back!

[@devina3706]

Are you serious? 😟

[@EoghanDonnelly-m3x]

Were the D20's sponsored by Big Milk?

[@VelvetCrone]

@@devina3706 ;-)

[@RobbieJayOne]

The temple ritual part of your wedding is so sad: family members excluded in a parking lot and your wedding dress. It's so wonderful to see you are both committed to each other. I wish you many happy years together.

[@alyssaadams1698]

You're so well articulated and the way you can think outside of the box you were born into, it really shows what integrity you have.

[@FridaBeautyBird]

I have literally never seen a healthier romantic relationship in my life. It's so great that you were able to be the support each other needed. You look so happy, and I hope that continues for you throughout your life. (I know it will because you have each other.)

[@obscurum6]

They look like a great couple. ❤️

[@shaynebuchanan1]

Five Guys ftw haha! Bearing your ex-testimony in relief society is wild!! Congrats, and welcome to real life. I would not have had the courage to do so publicly. I applaud you. 👏🏻

[@TRexFist]

"Kiss like Jesus is watching." So put on a show. Got it.

[@Loewenbrandt]

Just put on a NSFW sign, then he can decide on his own.

[@bamacopeland4372]

​@@Loewenbrandtcould just put a US Navy sign.

[@erinbradshaw2900]

I have to say, the story of you and Jackson and how you are learning these things together and communicating is so heartwarming. 😊

[@monicaklassen974]

That claustrophobic feeling is so real. Not Mormon but Mennonite. Going back to my childhood church gives me so much anxiety and almost PTSD that I can’t stand it.

[@Hallahanify]

Do you consider menonite or amish a cult?

[@GiantPetRat]

I think it's so telling that during Alyssa's testimony, even after eventually coming to the conclusion that, yes, she was a believer, it was so audacious to even voice ever having had doubt that they reacted in stunned silence. Whether it's a cult, a work environment, or even a family, it's never a great sign when the unspoken rule is "Just don't question anything. EVER."

[@toddchristensen6399]

I have been in limbo for almost a year. And it’s terrible. I haven’t been to church since the beginning of the year. But today I went with my family and it sucks. I definitely relate to the claustrophobic feeling. (I’m 24 and have been a very strong believer all my life but no more. Yet I still don’t want to leave for social reasons.)

[@EyesOfGehenna]

A moment with my bishop was also pivotal in me leaving the church. I was living in Salt Lake City at the time, I had just come back from my mission (which actually already broke my testimony) and I got a job. I was trying to hold on to something to save my testimony but then I was required to work one Sunday per month by my job. So I was really conflicted about it and spoke to my bishop. He basically said, well you need a job so you gotta do what you gotta do. I was appalled that he was so nonchalant about the commandments and I was so upset that I decided to follow his advice and instead of being targeted by Satan I actually felt relaxed that Sunday and that was the start of me leaving the church within 6 months of that moment. I just kept going less and less to church and eventually never came back.

[@joeking433]

I would be a Mormon if there were no God. They have better lives than many people.

[@FigureOfSp33ch]

I left the church 8 years ago and am just now comfortable talking about it. I relate with everything you're saying. I'm going to binge watch every episide now. Thank you for being brave!

[@juliefraser8136]

I'm going to give an example as to why gay people need to be married. In Florida, a lesbian was forced to die alone. Her wife and adopted children were kept out of the room because the dying woman's homophobic bio family kept them out. Her wife was not family. Her adopted children were not family. Marriage would have prevented that cruel and crushing grief.

[@solitairesmith3553]

Deplorable 😮

[@OceanLover1188]

There are also numerous cases of the family of a gay person completely rewriting their life to a "cleaned up" version for their obituary that removes any mention of life partners etc. It's terrible.

[@Anlbe1]

It’s also why it’s important to legally adopt your children. We didn’t realise that in our country you can’t adopt an adult and we had to get a tonne of paperwork done so that I have something approaching the legal rights of a genetic child

[@ilanarhian]

That happens to lots of people 😢or similar

[@Cat_Woods]

I believed gay people should be able to marry even when I was a wingnut fundamentalist Christian. Because civil marriage has nothing to do with God's sacrament -- that was how I saw it. To me, enforcing religious standards on civil marriage undermined the first amendment and therefore threatened my own freedom of religion.

[@patrickrichardson4765]

I am so impressed with you and Jackson's loving relationship. How lucky you both are to share the journey. And I don't mean only the breaking away from the Church, but the honesty of working through your issues and exploring life, truly as a committed couple.

[@Tayturs]

Hearing about men using the "god told me we are meant to get married" line to try and manipulate women into being with them makes me sick man, what a terrible environment for young women

[@cyrusunderscore7315]

I know someone that that worked on. Intelligent woman, but at the time her self esteem was pretty low. I don't think the guy was smart enough to be lying to manipulate her, I think he really believed it, but it ofc was an abusive marriage. She got the confidence to realise it was wrong and left him, but they're both still believers.

[@bamacopeland4372]

​@@cyrusunderscore7315Low self esteem definitely is one of the cult be drawn in.

[@MichealScotch]

I mean she also said that line "I feel that the Lord is telling me to talk to this man" (being someone else, not her current husband) to express her feelings of love or a "crush" for someone. It was a "revelation". I wouldn't say she was manipulative or sick there and the men can be the exact same with their feelings of a "crush". So strongly disagree with your interpretation.

[@adventure_hannah3841]

This was such an intriguing video to listen to. Thank you so much for your story! I'm a born again protestant Christian believer. I grew up going to church, but didn't decide to put my faith in Jesus as my Savior and Lord until I was 17. Throughout the years I've had times of struggle and doubt, but my questions have always been welcomed. It physically pained me to hear that when you (Alyssa) voiced your doubts during testimony time in Relief Society, that you were shoved aside, shunned, dismissed, and looked at with shock and disgust. I know how isolating that feels (I went to Liberty University, and the culture of BYU sounds so similar to the culture at Liberty), and it makes complete sense why you didn't want any more part of it. I left Liberty after similar doubts and questions. I think a core difference is how in your experience, everything Mormon is all tied together and linked. While I had difficulties with the rules and culture of Liberty, my faith in Jesus is not tied to where my money goes or where I went to school. It seems so scary to leave behind an entire community and culture, especially one you grew up in and truly believed in! I remember after a traumatic event while I was a student at a Bible School in Wisconsin, the whole class was having a prayer meeting. I voiced how I was struggling to believe if God could be good or if He could be in control because He let something so terrible happen to the city where I lived. I voiced other times in my life where I felt like God had failed or been absent. People responded with compassion and empathy. People patiently walked with me through my doubts and sorrows and showed me grace upon grace. Their steadfast love and reflection of the character of Jesus gave me the slivers of assurance I needed to keep moving forward. There were many times in the Bible when it seemed like God had failed or was absent, but He was doing things in His time as shown through the rest of the story unfolding.

[@JJoy-bk8yr]

Your reply to Alyssa is so kind and thoughtful! I felt sad when she said something like, "At that point I could have tolerated Jesus stuff but not Jiseph Smith stuf . . ." I often wonder if she feel she feels to reject Joseph Smith, she has to reject all belief in anything spiritual. I hope Alyssa and her husband are still on their spiritual journey. I am a believer in the Father. Son, and Holy Spirit but I feel alienated from churches in general. I hope to find a compatible faith community at some point. I am happy that you left the toxic religious environment (Liberty) with your faith in God intact, and found a faith community that supports you.

[@fipix6143]

I am an atheist who comes from conservative laestadian community. It's a lutheran christian revival movement mainly in Finland, in which they believe only conservative laestadians will get to heaven and have a lot of rules (no tv, no movies, no popular culture, no rhythmic music, no dancing, no make up, no piercings, no dying hair, no nail polish, no birth control, ofc no alcohol) and while its not mormonism, so much of what you were talking about hit home... You described the feeling of truly believing in the religion and once not, everything falling apart and feeling unable to attend the church. I lived for couple of years pretending to be laestadian while i really wasnt in my heart and i felt so horrible all the time. Once i denied my faith, i couldnt even bring myself to pray bc before it wasnt about the community as much as it was about truly feeling connected with god, and without that it felt just empty and that feeling was scary. Also learning about the history of my church, the huge amount of times it had branched off, the straight up cults derived from it and the older very culty features it used to have, it was a read that made me truly question how can this one branch of all of these branches in finland far from everything else be the only correct one? Only answer people had was to not listen to the "reason/brain" bc it was actually the devil, but have a child-like belief. All the doubts were forgiven and you just had to ask forgiveness when in doubt and never think them further. Idk, i felt so understood by this video even though mormonism and laestadianism are very different things. Your trying coffee together moment reminded me of when i tried some eyeliner for the first time, or dancing to a rhythmic music in my bed room, seemingly a tiny thing yet such a huge thing for me. With my background I rarely find creators who i can relate this much. Thank you

[@bonnielucas1941]

That is interesting! I'd never heard of fundamentalist Lutheranism. I was raised evangelical Lutheran in the US. In my 30s I think is when I began questioning my beliefs and came to different ideas. I was able to slowly develope my own beliefs which don't include church dogma but became my spirituality.

[@JBUHJBUH]

I'm so sorry you went through that. But I can't help but notice how eerily similar this is to a conversative Muslim upbringing (no nail polish, music, dancing, TV, films, makeup, hair dye (except henna), alcohol, birth control etc). But if you mentioned this to them, of course they'd see anyone following Islam as being on the Devil's path (& vice versa, ofc!) It's ironically funny to me how all of these religions are more similar than they care to admit lol.

[@joeking433]

Have you found God yet or did you give up?

[@fipix6143]

@@joeking433 I said I was atheist, im not trying to find god lmfao.

[@paul-jr4kc]

😂😂 I grew up with those same rules. Basically no fun. I’m also an atheist now. My family is from a country where only one percent of that country was other than orthodox Christian and my family was that unlucky 1 percent. Childhood was hell. I never believed yet I had to sit through 4 hours of church every Sunday. It was pure hell. I came to the realization that if church was heaven hell doesn’t sound half bad. Stupid missionaries that somehow converted my ancestors. 😂😂

[@SophSax]

Would love to see more longform videos with Jackson if he’s up for it! You two bounce off of each other’s thoughts so well. ❤

[@marissacauley4463]

you both look free ✨ it’s so good to see. I loved hearing your story together! Especially the story of getting drunk the first time 😂

[@kajenslv]

Love this video. From someone who married into a family of Utah pioneers but not LDS …. I’ve wondered about marriage in the temple for so long! You guys are inspiring ❤

[@loveli420]

ALYSSA you are just so badass!!! You make learning so easy-- you might have your doubts on being called to be a TEACHER, maybe, but you're a born educator. Have you ever considered doing a TED Talk? ❤

[@cassidybrewer]

Exactly!! She’s still teaching even if it’s not in a “traditional” way.

[@Dracrek]

Merchant idea! Joseph Smith shot glasses and coffee cups.

[@Joeen-n7h]

Brilliant, another church money maker. Surprised they haven’t thought of it before.

[@raffa4456]

​@@Joeen-n7hwho cares, if capitalism can ruin me, I can profit off of one of the biggest money making scams in history 😅

[@kj7067]

This was such a beautiful conversation. I have no connection to mormonism at all, and I'm not even sure why youtube recommended this video, but I think you really set an example for open, respectful and loving communication. Thank you for sharing your story!

[@davida.3639]

You guys are super heroes! Takes guts to leave it all behind. I had that sick feeling myself, in a Baptist church when I was a teenager. I was no where near as involved in my church as you were with yours so it was far easier for me to walk away I’m sure. Still, it wasn’t easy. Thanks for sharing your stories!!!