How is it to work with a Type 9 at work? Types at Work Series - Type 9 "THE PEACEMAKER"

[@intuitiveeatingmama]

This whole series has been helpful. I viewed it from a parent perspective (since I only work with myself and I homeschool) and it’s been super applicable. I’m a Type 3 and parenting my teenage Type 9 has unique challenges because we truly do approach decisions, conflict and communication differently. Having some specifics like you gave here really help me show up better as her mom.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

I LOVE this! Thank you for sharing. I love that you can use this to understand your girls even better. Sometimes it can be hard for parents to allow their children to approach conflict and communication differently then they do and I’m super impressed with how much you learn and invest in your girls to better understand them and allow them to be who God made them to be while parenting them so well. And a huge thank you always taking the time to watch my channel. With everything you have going on (Life Coach/Podcaster/Friend/Mom/Wife etc...) you still show up and support me! Women supporting women rock! 💕

[@edwardkyrie2292]

instablaster...

[@johnandkitty]

As a 9, I think the reason being overlooked is hard is because we work really hard to make sure others get their say and can share their opinion. It is hard for us to understand why others wouldn't do the same for us.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Yes. I think your right. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 💛

[@LunaticReason]

Agreed I've gone most of my life being a hard worker but I always get shafted in terms of promotions and recognition but I don't want to be the one to have to draw attention to my own accomplishments because I don't want to be narcissistic or make a big deal but worse when people spot and point out the negatives. You know that you deserve better and see others get the shine over you and you don't want to take anything away from anyone else so you constantly get passed because you're not as visible.

[@emilydavidson7077]

This was such a valuable insight. I am a 9, and it is such a relief to finally understand my why I can´t figure out a career path that I truly care about, and I´m 40!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Hey guys! It's your turn Peacemakers! If you have a Type 9 in your life or you are a Type 9 this is a must watch! Let me know your thoughts! Did this help you understand yourself or the type 9s in your life better?

[@aprilcheadle315]

Thanks for the nice long video about us! I've found that if people are asking me my preferences, I usually let them know that I can narrow it down to 3 choices and then they can select out of those three, and I'll be happy with the decision and having my voice heard! This works much better than being asked, "where do you want to eat?", "which movie?", "what kind?", etc... and feeling stuck to make the ultimate decision. But I had to teach my friends that I needed this, and now we're all happy with less conflict!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Awww love that you didn’t mind how long it was! And this is great info! Love it! I’m going to use it in my life!

[@francesca.pellegrino]

Oh my GOD this is my partner. He worries himself sick literally every day. When we go to eat, it is RARE for him to decide, and we nearly always play the annoying game where I list places to eat and he says no to ALL of them. He also gets SUPER overwhelmed with doing tasks, but what he hates more is the constant shifting of priorities, especially multiple times in a day. He is also very verbal with agreement, so silence means either I don’t know or I want to say no, but you’re going to blow a gasket if I do.

[@lisajohnson9278]

As a 9, I agree with all of this 100%! I come from a narcissistic family structure so the natural negative tendencies of the 9, such as shutting down internally or not expressing my true feelings that were already there were STRONGLY reinforced for me to serve as narcissistic supply. All of the 9's fears are used as tools of manipulation by narcs, so in the past few years I have really worked hard on strengthening my 8 wing to bring more peace into my life and self. Self-care is something I still am working on because I am not aware of how much I am putting myself on the back burner until I start feeling emotionally exhausted and then it kind of wakes me up to it. My type 2 husband could not be more supportive to that, though, and over the years HAS encouraged me to figure out what I want/need and express it because as the helper/giver he is always ready to give me what I want or need and when it comes to things like planning vacations or not wanting to be rushed, we are always on the same page.

[@jmvanzalinge5023]

I love your video! This is so accurate and true. I didn't realize that I didn't know what I wanted until a few years ago when I started on this personal journey, and I'm about to be 30! Being able to understand myself through the Enneagram has been so wonderful. And while I'm getting all this knowledge it is still so hard to change. Because change is full of unknowns so it's uncomfortable and, at least at the beginning of it, disrupts my peace. I am trying to figure out how to motivate myself. Right now I just feel like I'm swimming in a mud puddle. I have a fanatic husband that's trying to help but we both know that if he pushes too much then I get defensive about what I'm don't to feel that fake peace now instead of pursuing the true peace, and then I just sink lower into the puddle. I'm going to get set up with a therapist, hopefully that will help me out of this rut.

[@crystaljordan7318]

I think I am a type 1 (still unsure), but boy is this how I feel about conflict and joining a group of people talking. I always feel a bit uninvited, talked over, less important... Maybe that makes me a 1 wing 9? I really enjoy watching all the type videos! Thanks for sharing! ❤

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Yeah, You could totally be a 1w9.

[@robinstingley3953]

I feel so exposed here!😃 I just keep closing my eyes and nodding my head. This is so me.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

❤️❤️❤️

[@wendysmith9682]

Every time I don’t assert myself I am frustrated (angry) because (once again) I’ve avoided the conflict. I avoid it at every cost and I hate myself for it. Asserting myself feels aggressive (and probably comes across that way) because I haven’t had any practice doing it. Not to mention I don’t want to be considered a bitch. Also, 9’s aren’t competitive. We don’t want to win’ if it means someone has to lose. Maybe that’s why we don’t stand up for ourselves .... but we WILL stand up for someone else. Standing up for ourselves is us saying we matter more than the other person, and we would never do that.

[@mrscrossfitchick]

I can relate so much but i struggle with really knowing or verbalizing it.

[@laurastewart3728]

I related to so much of this video, I feel like you know me personally or something. LOL Especially when you talked about fake peace, that's actually a realization that I've had recently. I'm very laid back and easy going and I've gotten really good at making everything around me be at peace but whats going on inside is not the least bit peaceful and im just now realizing how fake that is. So I've been tackling some conflict to try to find that inner peace, its such a process and im not there yet but at least im feeling like I'm making some honest progress. Thank you for speaking into our lives. So appreciate your words.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

I love this! Thank you thank you thank you for letting us into a little piece of your journey 😊 love that your making honest progress 👏🏼 ❤️

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great video! You are right about having to say something to get peace. Sometimes people have to get straightened out for everyone to be in true peace.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thanks! This is true ❤️

[@edjrenaline]

As a 9, I know exactly what I want... PEACE. Great video, hit home on many points :)

[@katherinesanderson7611]

In regards to your shirt it reminds me of a song "Truth Be Told" by Matthew West (highly recommend) but I heard it a month or two ago and it really hit home and I couldn't really figure out why, but after watching this video it all makes more sense why that song stuck with me so much... by the way, I'm a 9w1 so that's why it stood out to me. And I'm really enjoying your videos :)

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Yes! Love this song and relate to it so much! Thank you! ❤️

[@Redberryfarm888]

Great content, as usual. I can SO see that you are a social type 9! That is great. ~ While as a self-pres type 9w1, I am a lot more quiet and withdrawn. (Actually triple withdrawn 9-5-4....😉) For me, it is like watching the world out through a one-way mirror and yes, it is awkward and embarrassing to be the center of the room's attention. (Ug! No... go away please!) I can have huge challenges with making some decisions because in certain areas, everything seems to be of equal importance somehow. It all seems to 'stack up into a very tall vertical pile' in my mind and I get overwhelmed by it all. I really appreciate non-judgemental help in gently asking me questions, physically being with me helping, and being patient with me as my thoughts come out of dormancy in that particular area. (Help sorting and cleaning out a room in my home, for example.) I am not trying to be avoidant... it is simply that I have no idea where to start, or what to do with things (organizing and such...even though I have a 1 wing!) If someone will 'walk with me in support'...the whole project seems more doable and I am motivated much more. When I worked in the health field, (very task oriented - clear job description) I was pleasant but kept to myself (reading on a lunch break instead of chatting...) and I would tend to help others more than I needed to (seeing the little details that a resident needed, helping an aide with giving a shower to an agitated resident, etc... ) because it was (to me) kind and the right thing to do. I am looking for win-win scenarios or the whole team or the whole workplace betterment situations... and do not have a competitive bone in me. (I REALLY do appreciate being genuinely supported - and not being 'trampled'....so do not take advantage of my good nature...) Choosing where to go out to eat for me is pretty basic -(routine choices) I know what few places I like, what is inexpensive, and we go only when we can afford it. It is a treat. I would rather get it 'to go' and eat home - a self-pres thing. With other things... I usually know what I don't like... which helps narrow the other choices down. (Then it becomes a what can we afford decision... or to save up for it.... or just a nice to have dream that might never be sort of thing.) When I do need to address something (conflict) I usually have taken a lot of time thinking it through ( ...is it a righteousness issue, just a difference of opinion, or is it the right time to bring it up assertively?) Things often really are not that big of a deal to me (compared to eternity ) because I don't see myself as being a 'grudge collector' and I try to 'empty out that day's ashes' every night so as to not carry things over. That gives me peace of mind in that I am not responsible for everyone on this planet - only for my own choices before God. ( I used to carry the burden of everyone else...blaa! No peace at all...) Yet I do have a fear of being 'chewed up verbally' by others with quick minds and sword-tongues... (my mind goes into shock and then into a fuzzy blank screen for a while...) but am realizing that all of that 'venom' is not Truth... it is simply how some people deal with stress. I can take all what they say to God and have Him blow on it... to see what remains. Also - feelings rise and feelings fall... so they are not Truth. Truth remains... it abides... as a steady humm. (Can someone 'hurt my faith'? No - so then how can someone have the superpower to hurt my feelings?! Only if I allow them to.) I thank them for sharing their opinion/ feelings/ thoughts... and I go on. (So even with a comment this 9 tends to ramble... but thanks for hanging there and 'seeing me' - it is much appreciated!)

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thank you for sharing! I LOVED LOVED reading your comment. I could relate so much. I see you! The funny thing is when you shared about you’d rather read on your lunch break...yes! Me too! But it’s what I would prefer not my instinct. Being a social 9 I will make sure everyone is doing good and be more social...but my real want is to just withdraw and read or be on my phone 😂 My stacking is 972. Anyways thank you for letting me and others into your journey of being a 9w1 sp. It was lovely 💕

[@talkalattegaming5405]

I am very late but thanks for the video. I am a 9w1 then 2. I showed my husband part of this. He said it sounds just like me.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Awww you are so welcome ❤️

[@scrappymama1]

So good! Got some catching up to do on your videos. Thanks for all of them.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thanks Elaine! ❤️❤️❤️

[@emilybaker6193]

As a 9, I usually don't talk in meetings, anytime I ever have spoken up I almost always regret it. I feel like what I said wasn't heard, didn't matter, could've been left out etc.. I almost deleted this message bc as I was typing it I felt all those things.

[@michelledavis7867]

So glad to see you feeling better! Love your vlog!!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Thank you! ❤️

[@KimCraig-cf5zj]

This was so, so good. Thank you!

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@tasneemali4892]

I relate to a lot of this. I can't say I ever really put others first though. To some degree in order to avoid conflict I will go along with what others want but I am not happy about it. I am a lot more vocal about what I don't want now. When I was younger I didint know what I wanted or what I was feeling. I thought I didint have feelings but that couldn't be further from the truth I have strong emotions. As I gained experiance and really started asking myself what do I want and how I really feel about something I loved that introspection and self knowledge. I crave self understanding probably why I thought I may be a type 4. However the 4's ability to sit in negative emotion is alien to me 😂. I want to relase them and return back to equilibrium as fast as possible.

[@tasneemali4892]

As I am researching more I may not actually be a 9 probably a 5w4 or 4w5 I relate to the desires of the 4 but the stress and growth of the 5 😅 I'm also an Infp whichever I am I have a strong wing

[@kristincyr4074]

I too am a 9 in Arizona. Still not clear on my wing. I just came across your videos and really love how informative, friendly, and relatable they are. You have a subscriber in me. Lol.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Awesome! What part of Arizona?

[@kristincyr4074]

I'm in East Mesa. Ive moved around a bit but I've never left Mesa. My husband really wants to move us to Vermont to be close to his son. But I dont think my desert bones could handle that transition. What part of Arizona are you from?

[@enneagramandcoaching]

I live in chandler - we moved from the mid west 5 years ago. Had to get out of the cold 😂

[@kristincyr4074]

Its eating at me that I said Ive only lived in mesa totally spacing out just having moved from Chandler only 3 months ago. It was so short lived though. But its a nice area. I miss it. I felt I had to mention it to relate. Even though its killing me inside to admit how forgetful I was. I was over on cooper and the 202. I loved it over there. My husband lost his job so we ended up moving in with my mom in mesa. Its really cool finding someone so close to home on the internet. Especially someone interested in personality stuff. Ive really just started my journey with Meyers Briggs by listening to the personality hacker podcast and they have been really diving into enneagram lately so I had to learn more. I came across your videos and just love how informative and kind you are.

[@scrappymama1]

Thanks Hillary. I love your videos. I'm so torn with knowing if I'm a 9 or a 1. Both are very true for me.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Oh this happens...what parts of the 9 and 1 do you resonate with most?

[@scrappymama1]

@@enneagramandcoaching my 9 is very indecisive. Afraid to impose/offend myself on others. Desire for peace. But I am also a prinicpally oriented person. My eye goes to the things that are off. I have a strong inner critc. My 9 shows up more at home and the one at work or when I'm feeling confident at home.

[@AryaViotta]

Hey, thanks for the video! When it comes to core fears and core desires I think I VERY strongly relate to the type 9. However, I can respond to stress very strongly and emotionally and it's difficult to withdraw from emotions if they come up. I also tend to overthink irrelevant things (at times even as a distraction for real problems). Can being diagnosed with depression lead to someone showing slightly different patterns? It's so hard to decide between 4 and 9

[@enneagramandcoaching]

You’re so welcome Maria! Thanks for sharing your journey. To answer your question “can depression play a role in this?” I’m not sure. There are levels of health in each type. An average Type is going to look different than a healthy type...I went through depression a few years ago and when looking back I resembled an unhealthy nine. I was lethargic, didn’t care about much, just numbed out to tv and books...but everyone’s looks different. I am going to be doing a video on the levels of health of the 4 and 9 and I think these videos might help you. Just keeping researching both. It’s totally ok to not know your type for a while. Thanks aging for sharing something so authentic and real 💕

[@AryaViotta]

@@enneagramandcoaching Thank you so much for your honest answer! I definitely can relate to some of your experiences with depression. My worst problem is definitely self numbing - did that for years (and still do it this very second...) - when that doesn't work anymore and I feel overwhelmed with tasks I NEED to finish I become anxious and in extreme case even apathetic or even start obsessing with "irrelevant" things like my enneagram type just to distract myself from that feelings. But it DEFINITELY goes along with judging myself too harshly, especially if I feel like I bothered people in any way or did the "wrong" thing. I will definitely keep researching this - a video about it would be awesome! Thanks again for the support and honestly everything you do - love your videos!

[@nrshar0n]

I used to be a 7. Loud, cheerful & bubbly. But things happened and now i behave like a 9 most of the time, which is so confusing for me because some said you can't change your type.

[@michelejonjock5910]

It's hard to let out what's not ok until I get fed up then it comes out wrong. 😫

[@Stephanie-io8gj]

you are describing me :)

[@enneagramandcoaching]

❤️❤️❤️

[@michelejonjock5910]

What's the difference between MBTIand Enneagram types. Took Briggs Myers and says I'm an INFJ

[@houseofberry7847]

Sorry if you already have a video made. But do you have any advice on navigating through conflict? I find that I ignore it until I “explode” and it’s never productive. Also any practices on waking up? 2020 has me numbing out more than ever.

[@houseofberry7847]

Also thank you for this!! And the wing video. Learning that I’m a 9 wing 8 explains soooo much.

[@enneagramandcoaching]

I feel like I have talked about navigating conflict in my videos...but as I’m thinking about it, I’m going to do a new one on this subject. I think with this past year a new one is needed 😃 I’ve had to learn to have healthy conflict this year more than any other year. If I can give you some quick advice I’d say, don’t put your own voice and needs to sleep to make everyone else happy. Like you said, eventually we explode. Always have honest dialogue with yourself. Ask “YOU” how am I feeling? What are my needs? Is this an instance where I need to use my voice and express myself even if it leads to conflict. As far as numbing out, I allow myself to when I’ve earned it. So I make a list most days (not 💯 great at this) and do what I can on that list. Then I reward myself with rest, tv, my phone etc...anyways, I hope this helps! Thanks for sharing your journey!

[@michelejonjock5910]

Lol I say it's all okay!

[@puffingorange587]

how would social anxiety show up in 9w1?

[@novitahaloho3905]

I think i'm type 9 too

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Yay!!! Love meeting 9s!