How Marriage Changes Your Friendships ft. Hayley Mulenda Record

[@thalittguru7697]

If a woman cuts off single friends when she gets married, then they weren’t truly friends, they were placeholders/a support group to temporarily fill the void of wanting a partner/husband. Nothing wrong with utilizing people in this way as long as you are honest with them about their limited usefulness. Do not gaslight people by calling them friends when you know you are utilizing them as a service.

[@louisawambui4475]

I couldn't have put it better.

[@lornasheila]

I agree with you ❤

[@CambieSweets]

I would also add that we vet friends in the same ways we would vet a romantic partner to ensure we are not used in this way. The signs, of being a placeholder, are there well before the friend gets married.

[@ayanabrownson7786]

I don't think you heard her fully. I think her point was that if you are a friend that can't respect/adjust to the way the she is growing and changing bc she now has to be a wife first, protect the peace in her home and between her and her husband first THEN you have to go. She did not say I got married and then stopped being friends with them. If she said that then I could get what you're saying.

[@ayanabrownson7786]

She also specifically says that she didn't push her single friends away

[@HayleyMulendax]

Thank you so much for having me sisters. It was such an honour! I love you both dearly! God bless To My Sisters & the work you’re doing ❤️

[@tomysisters]

We LOVED having you sis, our honour and our pleasure. Amen to that - likewise, may God empower your endeavours and your servitude all the more. Love you dearly ❤️

[@FindingNeli]

Truly, the Lord is with you. Thank you 🙏🏾

[@sarahfranklin9626]

Usually I love these conversations but I'm hesitant about recommending this one to my girls. Hayley came with some big facts at the start of this podcast and I did love the conversation around marriage and how it changes your friendships. However... by the end of it all I was hearing was prosperity gospel. Which sets off alarm bells for me. God is still good, even if you're not booking 5 figure speaking engagements like Hayley (she starts talking about this around the 47 min mark). God doesn't only reward obedience with financial blessings, and I'm concerned that once we get into that territory (even though I appreciate this is Hayley's personal experience that she's speaking from) we encourage people to only see God as a means through which to gain material wealth. Also, the conversation around 'making your name great' (58:17) when Hayley quotes Genesis 12:2 - that was for ABRAM. We cannot take scripture out of context and assume that everything is therefore applicable to us now today just because it's in the Bible and it sounds good. Yes, as Christians we should be sharing the hope of Jesus through our lives and we want people to see that by our character and our actions... but our motivation shouldn't be because we get some of the glory on the way to people seeing Jesus? That's just how that section felt to me. I'd love to hear other people's thoughts though because I'm really trying to process this one! Definitely will re-listen and have more of a think because there is some great stuff in there. Thanks for all your hard work ladies, and for facilitating these discussions x

[@ntamieborty]

This is sooo good!!!

[@Mulalomakhuvha20c23]

You spoke facts

[@ReneeHope18]

I loved your response on this!! It’s so TRUE!

[@Grace-tf2cy]

Thank you.

[@louisawambui4475]

Spot on

[@ReneeHope18]

I think the issue is when a some women get married they seem to place themselves on a somewhat a peddle stall especially amongst their single friends. Changing the dynamic of your friendship especially without a conversation and then to cast judgement like you are better than thou because you are “married” is something that is bypassed. Mainly because it looks like the single friend is the problem or they are jealous when they bring up the issue of distance or mentioning that the dynamic has changed when in reality they are also grieving a person they once knew during the same season when their married friend is taking on a new identity.

[@peaceadesina]

Thank you.

[@LivingDiscipleship]

well said

[@tomysisters]

So good! A word ❤

[@Tiredttttttt]

In my experience I don’t like married women not because their married but because they want you to centre their marriage in your friendship, everything revolves around their relationship or kids, you become nothing but a convenience & a care taker, an extra bank account, an extra place to stay when the man isn’t pulling his weight, a therapist, I’ve found that many married women are act as if they’re entitled to single women’s time, energy & resources they want use our labour to fill in the gaps in their relationships and it’s exhausting, I no longer accept married women as friends except for my best friend who’s in a healthy marriage & still treats me like a human being. that’s just my 2 cents

[@JennaCiela]

That sounds like missing boundaries, lack of communication, and general incompatibility/lack of common goal, so you were left to be used by them. I’ve been there, but it had nothing to do with marital status. It’s sad but kind of normal to reposition people under ‘Acquaintances,’ when no one is willing to extend an olive branch, repair, or tell the truth before resentment kills the relationship.

[@lalalaal.]

🫢 this sounds ghastly

[@faithandlove4899]

You said nothing but the truth I have a friend who is going to get married and she has a baby. I get a call if she needs to vent but never takes my advice about anything it is very exhausting

[@rochelle1199]

@@faithandlove4899that sounds like someone who you don’t need in your life. I don’t think it has anything to do with her relationship status, I think she just has bad character

[@NaomiCherusta]

When Hayley talked about praying for the capacity to receive the blessings, it takes me back to 2 Kings 4, the story of the widow who asked Elisha to help her pay their debt. The woman had a few jars of oil, and was told to get plenty of jars from her neighbours. The widow did not have the capacity to receive the blessing of the overflow of oil, therefore needed support from her neighbours to increase the capacity. This just shows us the importance of community and support from those around us.

[@norambee4347]

Me single, I have been losing a lot of my girls during these times of marriage and babies. With no explanation, like had to console myself that stage where we were hi fiving was gone.

[@ebonywill2426]

They will come crawling back, when the husbands ignores them and they need a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

[@marthangafor6414]

@@ebonywill2426 then they're not friends. That's selfish behaviour.

[@ebonywill2426]

@@marthangafor6414 well that’s how most married women with friends behave. Then they try to tell you the reason why you’re not married is because you don’t want to center your life around a man. Meanwhile they centered their life around a husband that hasn’t done the same for them. All the married women I know husband literally act single while the women are being devoted wives.

[@marthangafor6414]

​@@ebonywill2426A lot of it is to do with upbringing. Especially among Africans, marriage is seen as the pinnacle for a woman. I'm very grateful that I have friends who give their marriages the due attention but also engage in other interests.

[@CambieSweets]

@@ebonywill2426Yeah, the speaker on this episode kinda proved what you’re saying at the beginning. She stated if her husband doesn’t like someone, they can’t be friends. That was weird. Is he going to drop his friends if she doesn’t like them? Does she not have the capability to discern a good friendship for herself? I don’t think marriage should equal enmeshment. If you are living a life of good relationships before marriage that shouldn’t change after marriage. Personally, I think this is why some marriages fail. Too many women idolizing their marriage behind the guise of priority.

[@onyinyechinwokoro8010]

The title had me snapping my fingers already lol 😅😂

[@tomysisters]

Hello somebody! Wait till you hear the nuggets of wisdom 💎 😂

[@jenayrandall9358]

Can you talk about how not all of us have the privilege of having lifelong friends that “upgrade” with us and how hard/necessary it is to sometimes let go of friendships that you might have made when you were not in a healthy mind space. That as you heal and grow you realize are not right for you or even harmful. Not in the sense of “cutting people off” but the reality of healing and growth. For example, boundaries that you may set with those old friends may not be received well because for them you are switching up. Or behaviors that they exhibited previously were just fun or chill before but now turn you off.

[@oluwakemioshunkeye]

I’m in this season too. I made some friends before I actually knew what Christlike friendship entails and now that I’m growing in my relationship with God, our values/interests are getting different. We don’t have much to talk about because it’s not the conversations I would want to engage in anymore because of growth. And I genuinely love this people honestly. It’s really challenging. But at the same time, it hurts that I might have to set boundaries that may come off as me cutting them off because I notice one thing that grows female friendship is sharing things that grows intimacy. And once that is gone, the friendship will begin to grow apart for real.

[@mugenihope9352]

ooh Hayley 🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️ "God enlarge my capacity !" "Sometimes God will have to touch the thing you're confiding in so that your confidence could go back to Him !" " is the environment I am in actually conducive for where am going?" " your gift makes room for you but it's God that opens those doors" "God doesn't love what we do , He loves the essence of who we are !" WOOOOOUUUH" MAY GOD OVERBLESS U HAYLEY Ephesians3:20 To My Sisters🙏

[@tomysisters]

Bars on bars and GEMS ON GEMS! Isn’t she just a star 🙏🏽❤️

[@Mbali.Balabala]

Oh man, this is one of those episodes that have you staring at the screen without blinking and your jaw on the floor because it's so GOOD!! The wisdom I'm getting whilst listening is so unmatched! The guest is so anointed and the hosts are just so great!❤💕

[@tomysisters]

That means the world to us! Thank you so much for your kindness and your listening ear ❤

[@luyandankomonde8748]

Courtneyyyy what is this loookk!!! Im obsessed 😭🔥you guys are incredible 🔥

[@nataliecampbell8974]

This episode is amazing, "God will take away your Moses" hit me hard. God taught me that lesson and it was not pleasant to learn but it was necessary. This episode has so much depth. Thank you !

[@111rowanpearl]

This episode is showing how God made us in His image and we must strive to be like Him. The love, understanding, compassion and discernment that she has for her friends is a reflection of God it’s so refreshing to see

[@milcadeifidekusonika]

I don’t ever comment on NOTHING on KZbin, but I had to come out of that for this one !!!!!! An episode and a half, thank you Hayley!!!!! and ladies for hosting her.

[@tomysisters]

Not you coming out the woodworks 😂 thank you love! We appreciate you ❤

[@naumeb5922]

Oh yes 🙌🏾 Hayley has knowledge that is always fruitful. Let me tune in!💜

[@tomysisters]

She's literally our FAVE! So excited to share this episode ❤

[@tanyciagrace9556]

I was looking forward to this topic, but was disappointed by the content. So that this point is helpful, I'll explain why. I was hoping for transparency, depth and vulnerability because a conversation on this topic really needs it and i think that was your goal? Interestingly there was a lot words, but no depth of understanding or observing emotions or lessons learnt. Everything was like...i did this, i did that, and 25 quotes - more of a way of talking "at" rather than talking "with" you rhe hosts or the listeners. Maybe next time the guest could format her responses in a way that brings the listeners on her journey, showing consideration for what she did well, what she could do better and advice she got which helped her. Love listening to your other podcasts anyway. All the best guys!

[@sephorazola]

‘You have to move to your friends’🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@tomysisters]

It’s necessary! ❤

[@adepa_00]

Finally!! I've been waiting for ages for Hayley to be on the podcast!❤

[@tomysisters]

It was meant to be ♥

[@adepa_00]

❤ ​@@tomysisters

[@SavySavannah.]

I already know I’ll be coming back to this one for years. Brilliant episode!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Honestly, God bless you both for facilitating these kinds of conversations. They’re such a blessing to ppl. Wow! 🎉

[@tomysisters]

The encouragement is so needed, we appreciate you so much 🥹❤️

[@africansundrop2294]

Amazing podcast! I always have these conversations with my friends and to hear it in depth like this is a breath of fresh air. Gave me so much clarity Thank you!! Doing God's work!!! 💖😼💕💕

[@ntamieborty]

Hayley is speaking TRUTH!!!!👏🏽👏🏽

[@OL_sonder]

Thank you for this conversation, this was exactly what I needed❤ God bless you both and this platform🫶🏾

[@knittingneedles]

What a timely word 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@mobbymudzamiri5096]

I literally got married yesterday! Thank you for your words of wisdom, Hayley. I really needed to hear them. You helped heal a part of me that I didn't know needed to be healed before I said "I do." Thank you 💕

[@tomysisters]

You’re so welcome! And congratulations darling 🥰❤️

[@Valenciaatmako]

Life changing conversations❤ Thank God for this platform.

[@tomysisters]

Amen and amen ❤

[@lifewithnaomisha]

I have to say, I rarely comment on KZbin videos, especially a long commentary. This conversation was so insightful! 💘 From gems on repositioning friendships, to hearing how someones journey with God has lead them into a life of surrender and obedience. Love hearing testimony's that give glory to God. Praying that people who need to hear this conversation can heal from any brokenness and find the lesson that brings wisdom x

[@tomysisters]

We appreciate you actually coming to share your thoughts and comments! Glad you enjoyed the episode lovely, this is so encouraging and helpful ❤

[@kathrinadunkley1197]

One of my favourite guest/speakers by far! 🫶🏾 Such a powerful episode!🔥 May the Lord continue to pour into all of you ladies, so you can continue to bless the world with your wisdom 🙏🏾💎

[@tomysisters]

Amen and amen we receive it! Thank you for the kind prayer ❤

[@stephiey7515]

To the SA sisters, If you were at Activate SA with Pst Sarah and Pst Toure the word shared at 35 min to 37 min will resonate.

[@emmamwangi6890]

This was for ME! This has GREATLY BLESSED ME!😭😭😭😭😭 God bless yoi guys! May He renew and strengthen you!

[@tomysisters]

For you SPECIFICALLY 😂 glad you enjoyed ❤

[@jampelmk9044]

This episode has literally blessed my morning, so many take aways the biggest being that God sees us as his daughters/Sons first before vessels. Because it’s so easy to forget our identity in Christ when navigating through our busy lives. Much love 🫶🏾🫶🏾

[@tomysisters]

❤❤❤

[@therapynareva6511]

This channel should grow to a million soon. These teachings need to reach the world at large 🙏🏼

[@tomysisters]

We are praying and we hope so! Thank you for your encouragement ❤

[@Keishaa..]

This conversation is so freeinggggg! My goodness. God bless you ladies, this was so so goodddd

[@Your_americanqueen]

The amount of wisdom that was shared here will take more than one view. This applies to me in singleness.

[@rayseyeoman7540]

This episode ushered me into a much needed, deep prayer time with God our Father. It definitely gave me language.

[@linda-jeanhammond740]

What a powerful episode, thank you ladies ❤. Would be amazing to have an episode on identify as daughter of God and his love. Definitely an area I want to grow in. Thank you so much

[@tomysisters]

Really great suggestion as a topic! Thank you darling ❤

[@Highlove96]

I need to rewatch this episode and take some notes. I was beautiful 🤍 Thank you

[@tomysisters]

We love it for you! Thank you ❤

[@knittingneedles]

I am so blessed by your testimony Hayley. I follow you on LinkedIn and I have been so inspired by you sharing your faith on that platform. I have been praying about this since I started seeing your posts because I started to feel something about posting Christians stuff on my LinkedIn. I still don’t know what God’s plan is for me but I do appreciate you guys on to my sisters Courtney and Renee.

[@JadePR]

This podcast is so wholesome and have been enjoying your journey for the past year plus, keep going ladies, you are truly walking in God’s purpose for your lives. ❤🙏🏽

[@lillytv-zm1130]

Oh my God, one of the best conversations ever!! God bless you Sisters.

[@Miss5MT]

Don’t go with assumption, go with conversation 🏆

[@JesusWeekBds]

Love this. I had to cut off a much beloved friend who had known me and my family for years. When he got married to his wife, she was threatened, not understanding my relationship with her husband was brother and suster, but I was unmarried and that's all she could see. So I made the choice to sever the relationship because I must honour covenant, even though they don't know Jesus. It was painful but necessary as I didn't want to be responsible for breaking that intimacy. It is true that you can't carry single friends into a covenant relationship that one of the covenant partners doesn't accept.

[@graceakinde2481]

Too much insight!!!!! I need to re-listen to this! 😅✍🏽

[@percythenga3449]

What you do as a career is still your ministry !!Surrender , God loves me because of who he is and not what I am!! Yhoooo! We thank God for your wisdom and may God do more and more

[@tomysisters]

❤❤❤

[@sumring12]

Whew, sis was on a ROLL and I am very grateful that she allowed herself to be a vessel for us girlies. GREAT CONVO

[@tomysisters]

Thank you so much! 💓

[@adelinemalemba1276]

The last few minutes of the video made me tear up

[@norambee4347]

it''s 6:30 AM yall. This was hAWWT. Thank you!

[@tomysisters]

On your necks ALL HOURS OF THE MORNING 😂❤

[@Fashiondeity]

Such potent conversation . So enriching , edifying and a heavy dose of wisdom from experience , you girlies are deep , feminine and super real and dope , I love you

[@user-oh6lp3gx9i]

Weldone two sisters and Hayley, this podcast made my day, the conversation was light, however people must seek God for who He is , not because of what they want from him, Psalmist said this is the generation of them that seek thy face Lord, not thy hand .

[@LadyK09]

this is such a good episode and the negative comments just missed what God was trying to tell them...well done girls

[@acejumps3025]

CAN WE GET THE CHANNEL TO 60K PLEASSSEEE!! 🌟

[@tomysisters]

WE MADE IT 🥹🥹🥹🥰🥰🥰

[@gloriakanani1026]

Great episode on Spotify❤

[@tomysisters]

Thank you for tuning in lovely! ❤

[@rbloveerrr8560]

I needed this word tremendously

[@ms_tee1]

I thoroughly enjoyed this episode wow. It gave me more than I expected. Definitely watching this again 💗💗 the prayer at the end of these episodes are NB🙌

[@tomysisters]

❤❤❤

[@juannieeee]

Wow wow wow!!! I'm in awe!!! Thank you all for such a great episode. Every point was just so important. God bless you all and such great work you're doing for the body of Christ!

[@faith4287]

lol no literally this podcast is an answered prayer. I screamed when I saw this 😂. Make I go listen

[@tomysisters]

Not the scream 😂 see how God moves! ❤

[@Ari-qv5vi]

This episode girls was such a blessing ! Thanks very much ! It’s a great reminder that in anything we do let’s demonstrate to people that God is the BEST option ! Love from France ❤️

[@tomysisters]

Our French pal! So happy you enjoyed the episode and God bless you abundantly ❤

[@emilia_lukusa]

Shuuu how I love it here 😮‍💨😮‍💨♥️. TMS is home to me!

[@tomysisters]

These sides are the best sides 😍

[@salimakamara5770]

I am sooo Renee in this episode! I could not sit still once lol

[@tomysisters]

Too much going on it be hard sometimes 😂

[@rebeccalukusa3538]

This episode was too good🎉❤ God bless you ladies

[@tomysisters]

Amen and amen 🙏 thank you ❤

[@marthangafor6414]

Ladies, the hair on you all! Great conversation. I really love what Hailey said about career and ministry. Our jobs should be a frontline for serving God. The corporate world CERTAINLY needs Him! Lol. She reminds me of Ibukun Awosika. Would have loved to hear how marriage changes friendships from a single person's perspective too.

[@tomysisters]

That’s so incredibly kind thank you, and thank you for sharing your takeaways! Noted on what you would’ve like to hear - something we can definitely address in future ❤

[@marthangafor6414]

@@tomysisters thank you. I'm glad you guys are tackling these uncomfortable topics.

[@tamarabello]

I needed to hear this. Thank you ladies ❤.

[@_Justann]

just my episode! so much love to my sisters

[@tomysisters]

Hello somebody! Sending love right back at you ❤

[@merlene_k]

We strayed away from the topic at the end sisters 😂 but this was so so good ❤️❤️ Courtney i LOVE your hair 😘

[@tomysisters]

It happens 😂 thank you ❤️

[@neeshespieces]

The last 15/20 mins was 🔥 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@charmainen7824]

this is too too good.

[@hlumelobungane3454]

Whew!! This episode activated something within me😭❤‍🔥

[@tomysisters]

Spirit ACTIVATE 😂 time to move! ❤

[@dance_toot]

So good! She always drops gem !

[@rachaela8955]

This is an AMAZING video🔥👏🏾 defo one of my favourites, God bless you ladies for this

[@tomysisters]

Yayyyy we love to see it! Thank you lovely ❤

[@AnastasiaEs.]

This was just what I needed! Thank you I've shared it because I feel everyone needs to hear this ❤

[@tomysisters]

We appreciate you so much!! Thank you for sharing ❤

[@nnennaitanyi8156]

Haaaa oya gather here everybody!

[@tomysisters]

Hello because BREAKING NEWS! ❤

[@mauricette7585]

This is so good🔥

[@GG8p]

This was such a blessing thank you❤

[@hakayi9130]

I knew this was going to be really good! 🙌🏽 Amazing conversation ladies. 💟

[@tomysisters]

We appreciate you! Thank you lovely ❤

[@BrihtnneyOnwona-Adu]

that accent at 3:36 haha. loved watching this podcast !

[@meganadochim3490]

This episode ❤️🥹!!!!!

[@hndlovu5927]

THIS CONVERSATION IS GOOD

[@tomysisters]

❤❤❤❤

[@MisssssTUK]

only 9 minutes in but i love this!!

[@tomysisters]

❤❤❤

[@sandraboo5577]

Powerful 👍🏾

[@thatomokoena3173]

12:20 - 12:40 😢😢 Thank you.

[@nessykariuki634]

This ❤❤

[@jedidahmunyaka1463]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@kichajasmin]

this was so good!!

[@tomysisters]

❤❤❤

[@ireenpmbuna6238]

Great conversation❤

[@tomysisters]

Thank you! 💓💓

[@Shayy_786]

This episode was so incredible!! Thank you ladies for imparting such wisdom and wise counsel! I truly had to take note of every word and praying I can apply it in my life! ❤️❤️✨ P.S. thank you for the time, effort and dedication towards levelling up the community! Your work is truly impactful! 🔥❤️

[@tomysisters]

This comment really encouraged us and brought us joy! We’re happy you enjoyed the episode and thank you for peeping us with the work we do 🥹❤️❤️

[@mukamikui2649]

This has spoken to me in ways i cant describe. The word is so powerful!! Thank you for this conversation 🫶🏾✨️

[@theskinlaboratoryuk]

This was everything AND more, I needed to hear this afternoon! God bless all of you!

[@charmainen7824]

57:53 Amen

[@lastnamefirst9423]

Can we also talk abo I t privacy boundaries in friendship when married. This may be an unpopular opinion but I believe its not disloyal to keep a confidence with a friwnd that you dont share with your husband. I dont believe in boundaryless marriage. Shes my friwnd it dosent mean my husband is entitled to all her personal business.

[@FindingNeli]

A champion is not what!? 😮‍💨 it’s giving prayer closet 😭🙌🏾🥹 Can God trust your development? 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 it’s giving to die is to gain 😭 My God 🙌🏾

[@tomysisters]

BARS ON BARS RIGHT? We were wrecked 🤯 ❤

[@nonyeeke]

Such an amazing episode 💓 my very first time coming across this podcast and definitely subscribing. God bless you ladies for creating this space for the girlies 💕🫂

[@elizabethliz5449]

Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu "If my husband doesn't like you, our friendship has to go" mmh

[@debraotieno5506]

Its giving husband idol worship

[@DJ.Tems1]

To many gems 🤌🏾📝

[@Klosejerry]

May my Life be evidence that Jesus is the best option

[@tomysisters]

AMEN 🙏 ❤

[@deborahc.8478]

THIS EP.YEP. ATE. Square root 64

[@tomysisters]

😂😂😂 we stealing this compliment! Thank you love ❤

[@1NicolaPratt]

❤❤❤