How Men Deal With Emotions

[@HealthyGamerGG]

Full video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/q5ebk6dsm6yEr6M

[@Muhluri]

You might want to stop doing that. Links in comments no longer work on KZbin shorts

[@historicalaccuracy15]

​​@@MuhluriIt's not even working in the description either, anytime this happens I have to just screenshot and copy paste the text off of it

[@cleverman383]

@@Muhluri It's easy to copy and paste

[@MarquisCane]

Copy pasting on the phone doesn't work. 😅

[@TheJDUBS2]

@@Muhluriit shows above the title to the short you can click on that. It’s the title of the original video

[@serak3403]

The galaxy brain moment for me was when I figured out talking about enotions *was* a way to fix the problem. Provided it was with someone who would actually respect the transparency.

[@tongpoo8985]

This is where I think having real platonic female friends (not surface level friends, nor you orbiting her or vice versa type friends) is so important. I have 2 female friends and I feel I can just talk so much more openly with them about emotional stuff than with my male friends. They are top dudes too in their own right, but its our nature as men to try to tackle it head on, and so they just try to provide solutions instead of empathizing. Many of which solutions you already know and are just looking for some relief by talking about something you're going through.

[@GrimTheDestroyer]

Even my mom mocks me when I tell her my problems so i stopped doing that and just bottle all of it up and go on with my day

[@RaffertyMBTI]

P A I N = pay attention integrate now (source: Teal Swan)

[@este_marco]

@@GrimTheDestroyer i feel you

[@DTreatz]

​@@tongpoo8985delusional, never talk about emotions with females, only bros, male family or professionals

[@Wremir93]

As someone who was bullied because I was fat kid, this did hit hard.

[@ghad6799]

props to you for taking action

[@Viper3220]

Was bullied for being fat. Lost weight. They found something else to bully me about. Something I couldn't change. So I started getting into fights. Nobody bullied me anymore because when puberty hit I got big. Started getting into fights with other bullies. But by then I was this angry guy lashing out at everyone and getting into trouble all the time. All I ended up doing was just trading one problem for another. At the time though, the hell I chose seemed much more bearable. Just didn't realize with that solution I was shaving off big chunks of my future by becoming such a bitter and angry person who learned to embrace violence instead of working through my feelings.

[@ScireVetitum]

Harder than the bullies?

[@Wremir93]

@@ScireVetitum I was bullied with words not physically, as a fat kid I used to punch them after they insulted me lol

[@m.s.3121]

I can relate to that, the poor and the fat kid, they bullied me even I was taller. So the bullied became a bully himself. Not proud but it was a solution.

[@AsianCurls]

Sometimes "taking actions" to not feel the emotion again *is* avoiding the emotion. It's avoidance behavior. Maybe if people reframe it that way, they'd take different actions to lean into their emotions.

[@Paul_Bedford]

That won't be as effective as you would think. I have known for years that I have avoidance behavior, and it was when someone actually came to me in a genuine and open way that I have been able to work towards fixing those behaviors

[@Najjan0701]

THIS!!

[@arcguardian]

Good luck with that. U call it "avoidance behavior", I call it survival. Just depends on the method employed to prevent said feelings. One should feel ashamed of burdening others due to reckless choices, and so one should make better choices and avoid that shame.

[@Najjan0701]

@@arcguardian you make a decent point towards the end, but there’s a huge difference between surviving & thriving..🤷🏾‍♀️

[@SeanWinters]

"I don't like feeling this way, so I'm going to change my circumstances until I don't feel this way anymore." Sounds like a good man. You can avoid feeling away as much as you want, when you do feel a certain way, the most important part is your behavior. If you behave poorly when you feel bad, then you need to fix a different problem.

[@JCBjr15]

I've been saying this for years. Men have been molded to be solution oriented. While finding solution to get rid of the problem is fine in many ways, being able to process the emotions surrounding the problem is also extremely helpful.

[@Squirtkus]

This man always hit’s the spot

[@traillesstravelled7901]

Emotions are like sign posts. Some have info, warnings, limitations. How you deal with what you're given is your decision. You don't have to repress anything, but handling it in a healthy manner is essential to the world you are building by your actions. Example of the bully, fight back, they'll probably never mess with you again.

[@rohanking12able]

I'd say fighting/standing your ground will only tell you if this is a serious problem

[@blopartDGRI]

... first part of the process though is being aware of what you're feeling. Most men, are not aware, most of the time. That means they/we are actually manipulated by our emotions, and nlt as "free of action" as we want to believe it... :/

[@thegreatpotato6098]

​@blopart813 yeah but if someone simply won't stop trying to fight you there isn't really another way unless you're willing to uproot your entire life and move somewhere else, if you even can

[@traillesstravelled7901]

@@rohanking12able It can tell you allot about the situation, or tell you allot about yourself.

[@traillesstravelled7901]

@@thegreatpotato6098 It's not always about intimidation. Sometimes,in order to win, we have to take on a fight/battle that is impossible, to lose. Running from everything is the problem.

[@mascotwithadinosaur9353]

I see my brother struggle with this. I don't know how to talk to him about it because I'm afraid of upsetting him. It seems like he is very much a "problem fixer", without realizing that talking about your emotions, preferably with someone who can ask you the guiding questions that are too hard for you to consider on your own (aka a therapist) IS a form of problem solving.

[@wolfvash22]

Sometimes we tend to be mentally rigid, so we discard different ways of solving our problems. Perhaps if you open yourself about something you solved by talking with somebody, you can present an alternative to his process.

[@neetfreek9921]

Nah therapy is more about exploration than problem solving. Learning to become curious about your own emotions rather than something to manage can really do wonders. Relieves a lot of the stress that comes with experiencing them.

[@wolfvash22]

@@neetfreek9921 Sounds like an approach I have using in myself nowdays, can you elaborate further?

[@neetfreek9921]

@@wolfvash22 uh, sure. Pretty sure Dr.k has done videos on it since it’s a really common practice. But you get started by noticing emotions and identifying them as they come. Then you can introspect on why you are feeling them. It creates a non antagonistic environment for you to experience them. The curiosity aspect is more of a viewpoint thing for me. I like writing, so observing emotions is just a fun hobby of mine since it helps me write better characters. I do think it makes life overall more enjoyable if you can manage to become curious of most things though. There’s a philosophy/aesthetic called yugen (absurdism as well) which was my main inspiration for this.

[@thegreatpotato6098]

I'm pretty sure therapists are the only ones that can be trusted 100% as I know that it is illegal for them to spout my issues. They can talk about what I've mentioned to others, so long as they don't attach my name to it, which would be the illegal part.

[@jasonlatta2000]

I personally don’t often feel that my emotions are something to “fix”. Sometimes indicators of larger things to consider about my life, but often just something following me until it decides to leave. If it stcks around long enough I may talk about it, hoping the attention is what it needs, but usually I just stay silent until it passes. Likely my biggest strength and biggest struggle without moderation 😔

[@projectunderdogpodcast1100]

Man, I love your content. You don’t preach this hyper masculine BS message or this passive “it’s ok to be sad and cry” message; you speak about the genuine truth that lies between the two extremes. It’s quite refreshing to hear some middle of the road, real life perspectives.

[@erixonjkpg]

As someone who was bullied as a boy, I can relate to this. My solution was to be the first one to throw a punch. It worked but after years of fighting people was scared of me instead, nothing I feel very proud of, but there was no other solution 🙁

[@eipechacko4344]

Good point. To take more action than through words. Same goes with any kind of issues with confidence due to problems with communication, strength, or any skills

[@rion7720]

Reminds me of that time i talked about getting bullied at school, and my homeroom teacher simply said that i really am the problem and that i need to fix what im getting bullied for

[@TheJesusFreeke]

This is the most valuable clip of yours I've ever run across. And that's really saying something because you provide some of the best value on YT in your areas of expertise. Thank you so much. I'm going to go watch the full video right now.

[@seyproductions]

Feelings is what we use to motivate ourselves towards certain actions or behaviours.

[@arcguardian]

Unfortunately we let feelings use us as well.

[@olofskivarp]

I was so lucky that my parents, while not overprotective, encouraged us to talk about our problems and acually listened I'm still reluctant to bother other people about things I can handle myself (even if better jugement woud say to do otherwise), but I know I have familly and friends to rely on when I need it It's actually through the internet that I learned that that is not the norm and I'm glad that its seem to be changing slowly

[@nsawatchlistbait289]

I'd write it down cryptically so that I don't have to tell anyone while getting the feeling that I told someone, but the people who wanted to read it couldn't understand it either. Win win

[@Cody-5501]

I don’t know if this is common or not but I was taught that I must remain in control of my emotions (note not suppressing them or not feeling them but being in control of them)

[@Rickfernello]

That's interesting. I guess this is related as to why men have the stereotype of trying to "fix" a problem, and not being able to "just listen" to someone talking about a problem.

[@cleverman383]

"So while I was walking home, a guy catcalled me-" "And you're okay with that?" "No! It was upsetting!" "I see. Take me to where you last saw him. I'll find him. And I'll make sure he learns his fucking lesson."

[@prisle]

Soo many of my exes broke up with me because they couldn't bear seeing me in distress over typical neurodiversity stuff that neither me nor they could "fix". They never learned to just accept an emotion to be there.

[@zoeollie202]

Talked to my husband about how I’m afraid of some men’s comments on the internet I’ve come across (dehumanizing or violent comments directed at me on Instagram) and he tends to get sad and angry, he sits holding a pillow but it’s more like he’s suffocating the pillow. I said “I’m sorry maybe I’ve should keep these thoughts to myself because it makes you sad, let’s go back to talking about you learning more guitar.” And his eyebrows twisted up for a second and then he relaxed and said “i feel like I can’t fix these things about life for you, they just exist and it upsets me that there’s nothing to be done about it.. I realize the more I want to do Something about it the more wrong I am because it’s not that you want me to go going and beat up these dudes and fix it, what you really want is just for me to be more me and make you happy by being that safe place. I don’t need to go fight a guy, I need to hold you and talk about stuff and listen and do the things we love instead.” It made me really happy because I don’t need him to go be in danger to “protect my honor” against randos, it’s nice when he validates that it sucks some dudes can be scary, and just mature sure I feel safe at home by having fun together, being himself, and just listening sometimes. I don’t think he’s ever in the wrong, but he means making me feel better. What makes me feel better is just knowing I can count on him to be there and hold my hand and let me cry without feeling stupid for being emotional out loud because my emotions were never validated growing up.

[@cleverman383]

This also could be linked to why so many men feel depressed in today's world. There's so much that we know is wrong in society, but very little we can actually do to change it. And there's no enemy to fight back against, no war that we can join to fight back. Only accepting that you are powerless to fix anything that matters.

[@willek1335]

​@@cleverman383 I just think very locally, and you'll see tons of things to fix. Start by making your bed. When you got yourself in order, look towards your family and close friends. Where is responsibility lacking? Pick it up. Turn off news and other attention seeking social media for good, since it's useless weight on your mind. What about the areas around where you live? What has fallen to disrepair or broken? Pick up waste, make your real world nice to look at. People you didn't consider, will now follow you because wherever you go, things gets better. This is where meaning is to be found for me. Now you're needed, instead of being needy.

[@giacoyt4147]

It makes me realize how lucky I really was to have the grandparents I did. Both maternal grandparents were laid back people who I could realistically speak about anything with, and they helped set the ground work for healthy ways to deal with problems. My dad and his side are all hotheads and while I share that propensity for anger, I very rarely lose control of it or lose my composure. Part of it was learning how to control it through wrestling but also a huge part was having someone who I could just go to and discuss a problem with. It’s funny, even to this day my grandma and I are regularly in disagreement with politics but she’s the only person I know who is also capable of agreeing to disagree. We never finish talking about politics upset with each other even if we completely disagree

[@Space_Princess]

I'm a woman and I do this (sometimes I can't though due to the intensity of the emotions) because I was punished for having emotions for over 2 decades and 8+ years of being in and out of therapy

[@keniffkeniff]

I argue that that's the only valid way to deal with a problem, take action, fix it, if it's not fixable, don't worry about it, accept it

[@mechanical_chaos]

Most importantly you cannot "fix" every situation that causes intense feelings (like death), and you will harm your relationships by taking this unempathetic approach with others. The point of an emotion is to feel it. That's it. Just feel it. If it sucks, acknowledge that it sucks, and that's okay. If it hurts then accept that it hurts and let yourself feel that as long as you need to. Be patient with yourself like you would over an injury. Let yourself be vulneravle to it and you'll learn that it actually doesn't have as much power as you think. You will process the feeling and it will pass as is the design, unlike trying to repress or skip it to become emotionally constipated. Repeat this approach with those around you and watch them start to look to you for support. Become the stable center to your groups. You cannot properly take care of others without first learning to take care of yourself.

[@sayven]

Yep, got bullied for being a bit weird. Never talked to anyone about and instead I got obsessed with fitting in. I mean it "worked" in that the bullying stopped. But I'm now also insecure about a lot of stuff that I feel is not normal, which I feel like could have been at least partially avoided if I had talked to someone.

[@patriksvensson2360]

It's messed up how true that is, and depending on the kind of upbringing we're given it can set quite the scary stage for the future.

[@blxxdsauxce8758]

would love a video on how men should deal with their emotions , impulses , urges push this it benefits us all

[@stevefrench7036]

Well yeah problems need fixing. As a guy, I've been talking about my emotions way too much, thinking there's comfort and solace in doing, especially with female friends (not mates), and the only thing I have in return is feeling weak, not having good advice, and generally not having any respect, which is understandable.

[@daleputnam8300]

That honestly wouldn't be a fix to the problem in the most practical sense. Fixing the problem would be to take a different perspective on the situation.

[@julyol119]

That's interesting. Wouldn't that dynamic also kind of mean, that if a boy was lucky enough not to get into a lot of trouble, that would need emotional support, that he also wouldn't get as much exposure to that "life lesson" and thus be less damaged by it? Because from my experience women, who had to go through troubling (not highly traumatic) stuff and had a functioning social environment, usually came out more emotionally mature. That would certainly create a big divide between the women and men who went through similar stuff and should in theory be better able to sympathize with one another.

[@VincentPascoe]

Great video, it's why my step dad taught me to not have emotions. But please be careful about just talking about your emotions, talking can be a distraction from takeing actions that can change your life.

[@celark]

Yes this is the way, you need both, the inner work of talking, expressing, understanding and feeling, and also the taking action and building new habits.

[@stefanklass6763]

Well I actually did that. Not loosing weight, I gained it. I didn’t do martial arts, just lots of sports and I went from being a scrawny kid to being big and very strong. I didn’t get into lots of fights but on one memorable occasion I did beat up bullies. My favorite way of dealing with them was before I got big. I arranged tutoring lessons with one of them through his parents. He ended up tutoring me in french while I tutored him in math. We didn’t become friends but him and all his friends stopped bullying me.

[@aprettycoolname4839]

As someone who used violence ad a kid and have good mental health this is true

[@jdb6026]

I think men have the capacity to talk about emotions. It's just that modern society has only ever really endorsed one way to do it. I think a lot of men might not usually vibe with face-to-face conversations. Side-by-side ones are usually better. I find it difficult to face someone when talking about my raw thoughts and emotions, but have no problem doing so when talking about other things. It also helps to do something while talking. Prolly why a lot of the so-called masculine hobbies involve more space, an open or open-ish environment, and a considerable physical distraction.

[@jugggy3rd]

adapt and overcome

[@TianAntoine]

Yeah let's change that in society 🎉

[@hyperarts4087]

Thuggin that shit out 😔

[@rohanking12able]

It is what it is

[@j10001]

I do have to raise the question though-if this weren’t the case, what would be the state of the physical world we live in today? Because men (and specifically this idea that “fixing problems = resolution” as opposed to “becoming mentally reconciled to problems = resolution”) are responsible for the vast majority of invention, construction, and physical problem solving in the world. Our electrical switches work because thousands of mostly men are out fixing problems rather than talk about their feelings. Same with our phones, internet, roads, buildings. There’s gas at the gas station and our credit card works when we pay at the pump because thousands of people with a fix-the-freaking-problem mindset (not a talk-about-it mindset) have invented, designed, built up, and maintained those systems and are making it happen every day. It’s a sincere question that deserves our careful thought. Do real problems need therapy first or concrete action first? It’s a genuine dilemma in practice. I confess I haven’t seen the full video, only the short. Maybe it’s addressed there.

[@callumhigham8404]

I was bullied in school had every class with the kid and he would not go away until I made him disappear all I ever felt was sadness and anger

[@williamdiaz8599]

And it doesn't go away. Lose the weight, they'll pick on your clothes. Get better style they can poke at your hair. Fix the hair, the car, the body, the style, everything, but it doesn't go away because you were never able to deal with the real problem

[@booperdee2]

which is what stoicism is about. Having the wisdom to know the value of different opinions.

[@FlimsyCucomungo]

as someone who is “perpetually angry” this does hit. i go out, ride my bike with my dog, and every time a car rolls past that stop sign, juts out, or swerves, it’s like who the fuck am i suppose to complain to, city hall? no i tell them who’s boss and i remind them that they fucked up. is that what being a man is? is this toxic? i just want change, i know a common term is, “those that don’t feel the warmth of the village burn the it down just to feel something”, but it seems like society is only receptive to this disruptive kind of action from a young man, not a calm dialogue, but a vengeful fireball, hard to care when nobody listens.

[@navayti]

my parents where very much like this, even though I was a girl.. my dad told me to just hit back if they hit me, little did they know that that just made everything even worse.. cause 'that's not how girls are supposed to act'

[@johnpett1955]

I just hide myself and cry. That's how I deal with emotions.

[@ahla3393]

Hello guys, I have a question, I'm 17 years old and I have the following problem: some days I'm completely bursting with self-confidence and dare to do anything and become an extroverted person, but on other days I can't even walk normally on the street and have social anxiety. what could that be? sometimes I'm completely afraid of doing something wrong

[@spencer.eccles]

Get checked for bi-polar disorder

[@StarlitWitchy]

You should really get professional help for that rather than ask youtube comments

[@cynnamonroll666]

Definitely see a medical professional, homie. I’ve dealt with similar problems since I was 14. I’m 24 now and I’ll say things really do get better with proper treatment. I’m not going to say you’re necessarily bipolar because I’m not a doctor and this is a KZbin comments section, but I would at least watch some HealthyGamerGG interviews, and maybe see if you can relate to them and find similar solutions. Meditation is also beneficial. I hope you get treatment and that things get better.

[@repliesoffcuzimright1679]

Thats normal for me. Feelings come and go. Same with confidence. Atleast in my experience.

[@serak3403]

I feel ya, struggled with the same thing at your age, still do sometimes now that I'm 35. I think it's a more common thing than most people realize. It's ok. It gets better. You figure out that doubts , like anything, pass after a while. You learn what information you can trust to tell you the truth, who has your back. Give yourself some time on the doubting days, let it sit for a moment, let yourself rest. It'll come out right.

[@DIVAD291]

to me, this unironically sound like a much healthier way to handle emotions in the long term. I guess just talking about them is a better short term strategy that if we all employed would have left us living in mud huts.

[@greedisbad9890]

If the problem is not something that you can work on and it fix itself (depression, suicidal or something like that) is where talking about your problem can get handy If we want people to care more about men's mental health, making men speak about their vulnerability can be the start

[@stanleyelnats]

Even as a kid I just asked myself why do I care if they call me names. Thats their problem.

[@bruce0816]

I was the skinny kid and it was the same thing. Even by my own family i was told "ur so skinny!" "Dont you eat?!" So to "solve" that is when i started working out and hitting the gym

[@felipemaran3460]

This shit was accurate

[@ecospider5]

In grade school a bigger kid was roughhousing with me. I told him he was hurting me. He didn’t stop. When I got away I walked directly to the principals office. No backlash happened to me and the problem got solved. I don’t understand why I have never herd a similar story to that. I think it was 5th grade.

[@rohanking12able]

How many kids are used to not having a say in unfair punishment is my question. How many accept the bullying as "I did something" instead of "this person is being unfair to me"

[@ecospider5]

@rohanking12able That’s a good point

[@zaksmith1035]

I believe men have been TRAINED to approach emotions this way, not necessarily that this is a good way to approach emotions. Moreover, most men are wired to be problem solvers, meaning they approach everything from the standpoint of problem solving FIRST. That's not true of all men, specifically me. For problem solvers, it is often difficult to grasp that feelings must simply be felt, and processed, and allowed, and yes it takes time and effort to do that, and is difficult for them. Even for me, someone who is naturally a feeler, it took me years to learn how to process my emotions through feeling and talking about them. But, again, I believe that this is trained, and even though it is also the foremost process of the wiring of most men, it's only a 60-40 split when you look at the statistics. For the other 40%, we often feel like we have to hide our feelings and can't talk about them among other men especially, but we wish we felt safe to do so. And even as men, that's all we want: to express our feelings, no matter what they are, and to be heard, understood, and accepted in that.

[@triptripp1873]

Completely agree with you on this one.

[@rohanking12able]

For the most part. Idk what people think a gentleman is. But a gentleman keeps a handkerchief for a reason

[@eebbaa5560]

i don't think i ever really got bullied as a kid but i kind of have the disposition of someone who was. i kind of wish people bullied me so i'd have some discernible reason for being fucked up

[@rohanking12able]

I had a similar want but for something worse. You don't need to be fucked to have problems

[@eebbaa5560]

@@rohanking12able the worst part is the guilt and also not having any sense of direction in trying to find a solution

[@rohanking12able]

@@eebbaa5560 what you feel I called survivors guilt. I didn't have it that bad how can I feel this bad. I'm just weak. Other people have been so traumatized and here I am feeling bad for myself. Sound familiar? Trust me there's no winning that battle. You seriously need to explore why you feel guilty. Is it because you feel... idk you need help

[@hyakinthos_0902]

this is so relatable i been called a chicken the first day of my office due to my tummy guess what i have now lost 10kgs and still going we men are programmed to fix our problems rather than cry over it

[@Srindal4657]

Do you know anything about hormone health and its effects on the psychology of men?

[@paydayvideos4924]

I get bullied by my mom retreat into my room smoke weed and play video games until i go to work or school the next day. I appreciate her support but im not sure if i can stand to continue to speak to her in my adult life after i move out.

[@paydayvideos4924]

My dad already decided he had enough of this shit years ago.

[@hwway4488]

You know, it’s like that for a lot of women too

[@danojj700]

That's why animals have been proven to be smarter than humans

[@JolinHard]

He solved bullying.

[@JosiahMcCarthy]

No, in afraid not

[@JolinHard]

@@JosiahMcCarthy im serious. I wish i knew this sooner. Therapy is not so effective compared to this approach

[@Chris-es3wf]

​@JolinHard this isn't even an approach or strategy for a young person... its simply an explanation of human behavior for them after the fact...

[@enrikoheringh5520]

If you are bullied when you are quiet, but also bullied for speaking up, bullied when you do not even do anything at all or bullied for not having a father... How do you solve this one champ?

[@frankmartel3428]

@@Chris-es3wf well GSP (george Saint-Pierre) did just that when he was a kid and ended up pretty good dont you think? Im french canadian and GSP is one of few man i can truly respect!!

[@NightMystique13]

I brought my boys up to be kind and well mannered. One son moved to a shitty small town to work. A gay hairdresser told everyone he thought my son was gay. Not very nice, he has adhd and level 1 autism. It’s a staunchly conservative area. He is not gay.

[@rohanking12able]

People gossip. Doesn't make it ok. But people gossip. Not much you can do but stand as the truth

[@LoganLatios]

0:07 wait shouldnt this apply to everyone? D: if you dont solve the problem it'll just happen again.

[@X33Ultras0und]

This is why being called short or "your pp smol" hurts as they're unsolvable problems.

[@willek1335]

Accept it, then look for positive steps and actions to take. For example I'm colour blind. I accept the fact, but if I starts crying about it, people will see that and use it against me. So instead I look at shapes and forms, or grades of light, and make fun of myself. I'm invincible. ❤ I'm also balding. What do I do? I accept reality for what it is, then I see there are going to be some good that's going to come from it. There are plenty of famous guys who bald, they're fine. I'll try to imitate what they do and just own it. Grow old and enjoy the charm. If balding ever comes up, socially, I subtly make fun of myself, exaggerated, and make people smile. There are more cases like this. Accept, then look for positive actions that's going to come from it. Joke about your insecurities. Not a single person has ever bullied me.

[@HaughtyHedonist]

That's Why I Plan To Raise My Son Differently, So When He's Older He Can Connect To His Spouse Or Children Better Than The Men Before Him. He Will Cry, He Will Communicate His Thoughts/Feelings Properly && He Will Learn Empathy.

[@trudibarraclough478]

Not just for men. Even therapy is about getting help to change your circumstances - after you've talked about it. Successful people take this shit and grow from it.

[@DerMoerpler]

But that's not all therapy does. Getting comfortable with you own emotions is equally as important. You can't always change the circumstances.

[@ember-brandt]

Of course this advice can be applicable to all genders, but systemically in the West, boys are raised to suppress their emotions (excepting anger and lust) - which has created this epidemic of incredibly mentally unhealthy men and it *NEEDS* to be talked about more. Minimizing and dismissing the issue with "nOt JuSt FoR mEn" doesn't help.

[@blarghblargh]

not necessarily. sometimes you figure out you don't actually care about the problem, and there's nothing to be done. therapy can also help you get in contact with your own values, instead of letting other people push them on you.

[@Grim_enigma]

​@@ember-brandtnot just the west, its global

[@alanalb1449]

This happens more often in men

[@LimbosUnrest]

May be so. But its not wrong to express emotions

[@maddizzle1744]

Dr K never said it was. This was clipped from an episode titled "why therapy sucks for men". The point isn't that men shouldn't talk about their emotions, but that men are conditioned not to. When men have problems and decide that therapy could be an action that helps them, and then all they do is talk to a therapist, men are often lost in that environment, and therapists may struggle to help them.

[@rohanking12able]

​@@maddizzle1744isn't that kinda the therapist idk job. To make it easier for somone to come to themselves by themselves. Not saying your implying it's the males fault but if you can get through to someone mute with trauma. Someone able to talk needs time

[@booperdee2]

it can be depending on what emotion and in what context. Bursting out crying in public when you drop an ice cream as a 40yr old is pathetic.

[@hui975]

That's how it should be. I don't want to spend 1 hour talking about a problem unless the listener has anything productive or positive that can help me fix the problem.

[@thegreatpotato6098]

An emotion is something to be solved- just not always with physical violence. Some disputes simply cannot be dealt with any other way than physically, but that doesn't mean it's the right answer; it's that the other person won't just, not attack after I or someone else unknowingly says something the other person is (likely) triggered by. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking questions that pertain to what you are going through, but I'm not entirely sure why I need to let anyone know e v e r y little detail. Is there a reason that I need another person to validate what I already know is true? What is true would include what I feel about someone, what I feel about my past, what I should do about those two things, what I feel in general and why I feel these things. The thing is, people tend to assume they know what I'm feeling, hence the issue~ I can become conflicted when I already knew the answer, I can be, and usually am, led to believe I was just silly for feeling what I feel. Other people will only assume, though maybe some would truly listen, I'd then be worried for a long time that they would tell someone else, and they usually do. A tried and true issue that I'm not really sure how to make stop, because of course as a human I do desire that intimacy, it's just that no one I've heard of can be 100% be trusted. Even my best friend doesn't know some things, because there are things I've been doing that I have since solved that she would perhaps end our friendship for, even though what I've been doing are vices I have had much trouble controlling. No one is truly and unconditionally loving and understanding. Those who love truly "unconditionally" are considered codependent, and for good reason. That's not really a healthy relationship; boundaries do need to be set and it would be nice to know all of them, but more often than not I don't get the full truth when I ask about them. There is no way around the issue.

[@Tunkkis]

I mean, it just makes sense.

[@bignoob2726]

Everyone: talk about it Male: talks Everyone: Ew, everyone goes through stuff. So and so, went through so and so. U have it easy. Y can't u man up, what's wrong with you. Never, ever, talk about it

[@kewoshk]

Oh this explains a lot of things about the behavior of the men and boys around me, as a woman I always wondered why they refuse to talk and choose to sulk in a corner instead 😅

[@rohanking12able]

The corner doesn't judge or codle. If that makes sense. Allot of males feel the need to essentially carry that weight to never let it break you. Which just cycles into a crushing existence when they never let someone help with that weight. That weight being their emotional burden of toughening up never stops until someone can make them feel like they aren't just dropping the weight to cry. Some guys need to just stand there and let themselves feel the weight. It immediately gets lighter and I think that's a good focus for strong minded males/others. Because in the end someone has to carry that weight

[@kewoshk]

@@rohanking12able hmmm interesting, thank you for explaining it in detail 👍 But it is OK to let down your weights down every once in a while 😊 We all need a safe shoulder to lean on, even carbonfiber gets crushed under the pressure 😄

[@rohanking12able]

@@kewoshk no problem. I personally think it's very nuanced because males and females didn't decide some of these things first no reason. Most of its just cope because it was really hard back then newspaper being your entertainment

[@Idarece]

with all due respect, ive opened up emotionally multiple times to multiple people. and not once did i ever feel vindicated or benefited from it. The world does not reward men who open up emotionally, that is what i learned in my experience so i have no incentive to do so. opening up has been nothing but taxing, draining, and punishing.

[@rohanking12able]

Sounds like you let them win. They get to decide your emotions aren't valid. Pretty fucked up if you ask me brother. There are some things that some won't understand or allow. But that's not everyone.

[@booperdee2]

Whining and complaining is unattractive. It shows to others and yourself that you are incapable to some extent. It must be done in particular contexts which can encourage you just that extra 5%, but increasing your capacity is simply best for everyone.

[@SNP2082]

It also depends on who you talk too. Some people are more sensitive and willing to have deep conversations on emotions. So you have to find the right people and screw those who invalidate you, they are not worth anything

[@YouilAushana]

Yep, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't

[@XxBadjokeerxX]

What about being depressed

[@desireesmith862]

All these people in these comments are wonderful! I hope I can find friends like you guys one day!

[@marino5652]

If men really acted like this all the time then by age 25-35 they would have minimal problems becouse they would simply already had them solved. And if talking is just talking and women do only talking, but not taking action then by same age they would have massive amount of accumulated problems. Somehow we see that that is not the case.

[@maddizzle1744]

Exactly! This is his point. Only taking actions isn't enough! You need to be able to process your emotion, and then introspection will help you properly take the next step.

[@petrospetromixos6962]

People do tvact though they would gete beaten up for years till school ends or they ll rebel beat up their bullies and then spend their life in solitude. Bulling problem is something that comes at you and screams at your face and you have to deal with it but other problems dont come like that. So yes right action solves most things but people dont take it they persiat in behaviour that isnt a solution

[@weiss1128]

The thing is that sometimes talking DOES solve the problem. Not everything needs to or will be solved by punching someone. 🙄

[@alkiviadisiv]

Thats another thing, talking to the other party, IS the action

[@kartikayysola]

Not if it's only talk. Just saying what the problem is doesn't do anything on its own, you gotta follow through. Like in Dr. K's example, if you feel ashamed of your weight because someone called you fat, one possible course of action is to lose weight. Another is to brush it off entirely.

[@secretagent4610]

That's because this clip is out of context. I've seen the original video the other day.

[@gUwU47]

He's not saying that, this short is about how society has conditioned men to think that the only way to only solve problems through action and not dialogue. If they don't, they get punished for expressing any emotions other than anger, and with that they receive their typical dose of misandry from the world, and no one gives a damn.

[@booperdee2]

@@gUwU47 and society is made up of people. We did this to ourselves. Why? because men who have burdens are less capable of providing for others, weakness is unattractive in all the ways that word can be applied. By all means its not a total existential collapse to talk about your feeling or problems every so often, but it needs to be within particular contexts, traditionally this is what a wife is for, emotional support, and not wide open whining and complaining in public.

[@_.359]

I shit you not i went to therapy for sa when i was a kid and when i told the therapist what happened she said,"That's it?"

[@djplatinium100]

That's ftup stigma but so true

[@trevorscofield8442]

Yeah except that if you try to fight the bullies when they come back around you get in even more trouble then the bullies would.

[@booperdee2]

its not about material consequences, its about your self worth. Winning isnt the point.

[@KeritechElectronics]

Kudos for steamrolling the toxic masculinity! :)

[@rohanking12able]

Very easy to call it toxic masculinity. Ever thought it was defensive technique developed in ignorance of what's best.

[@nicks4066]

You’re taking his video entirely out of context

[@muertito8077]

Not only men were taught this way.

[@zoeollie202]

Well yeah but many men are and the point of this video is to help men feel seen and heard and get mental help. I don’t think we think only men are conditioned this way, but I will say many men are and arguably more often than women. Of course women get taught this to a degree too, but we also are taught to talk out our problems with god friends. Not that it always works, when I was little no one wanted to hear shot my problems and it was like I was a burden to everyone, but the girls in movies all talked their stuff out, so I saw it as an option I could take off I ever found the right people.

[@muertito8077]

True, good point, thank you 🫶

[@procrastinathor4594]

as someone who seen the full video, this clip is completely out of context 😮

[@j10001]

Emotion literally drives us toward action. That’s what it’s for. Training ourselves _not_ to take action is ridiculous. Sure, some of that action can be talk, absolutely, but we need also do to learn to deal with real-world problems.

[@Zero-fh2wb]

Emotions are a powerful tool that can fuel us too action. Its like an accelerator. We have to be aware of the actions our emotions are accelerating us towards, and which emotion is fuelling it. Whether you want to be fuelled by insecurity and fear, or confidence and enjoyment/fulfilment is up to you There can be many actions we do that we’re unaware of, that are actually controlled and dictated by our response to emotions. Its about gaining autonomy, and not letting our emotions fuel and accelerate us the wrong way.

[@JfkNeedsWindWall]

100% 👍

[@A-Boogie-uw9hr]

But that’s not dealing with the emotions themselves

[@amitkain4055]

They don’t

[@coksoruvar5913]

I have 10 year old boy. I wish ı know more. Thanks

[@JaydedWun]

As a Psychologist hard disagree.

[@fvwak]

I like this channel. I like see how many men are suffering It make me feel good, because i feel like if i was a boy everything would be perfect.

[@laurelgardner]

This...really sounds like he's saying we're *right* to do this to little boys. WTF.

[@gUwU47]

He's NOT saying that. He's just saying how boys are trained this way by the world around them. The full vid is about how this is especially bad.

[@filui]

This is a bit out of context, its a short after all. In the full vid he talks more about it

[@petrospetromixos6962]

In reality he is right, the solution to bullying is evolution

[@petrospetromixos6962]

Thats how the world works look at countries they dont discush their problems with aggressors,they buy bigger and better weapons than them

[@Max33999]

I edge to your videos

[@MyNameIsSalo]

Nah my strategy is to ignore emotions. Just simply don’t have them don’t need them. Keep a clear mind and think only logically and with cause and effect.

[@user-xp8cq8le1j]

I don't get it

[@jdcaintic9526]

Damn!

[@jakubekch.3621]

I remember when my ex was like No, if you feel bad you need to tell me and we can talk about it Wtf woman, my problem is that I feel bad about something why the fuck would I let it fester like that

[@MrDontcareify]

Honestly this is such an unhealthy way of looking at the world as an adult.

[@dianp4824]

If this was true, then why are my coworkers not being more proactive when I passively bullied them for not doing their job? 😂😂😂. They should have improved the same way the fat kid and came back to teach me a lesson of who’s the boss now - working hard.

[@adamanti]

Maybe because they are adults and don t look for acceptance like most kids do. they may recognised you as the b.hole. maybe had chat about it with their friends and had a little laugh about you in the end. then proceded with their lives. i guess you were not that important to them you seem to think you were.

[@mrburnout]

once you get older you get better at not respecting bullies. be better and maybe you'll see some improvement

[@Dog-je5le]

This is a good mindset

[@jlllx]

how is masculinity and autism not the same thing?

[@Yeah5555ful]

I am not even a man, help

[@lexmusiclab]

And then in that example, it's a slippery slope bc there's always gonna be a bigger dude who can whoop you, and then the cycle starts all over again 🙃

[@rohanking12able]

Who fights a war alone.

[@ruibarian5187]

I went through that. 4th grade bullies made fun of me and beat me up, so I learned martial arts and lost weight. They kept making fun of me, so I beat them up, and I ended up in the principal's office for defending myself. The world isn't made for talking about your emotions or solving them. As adults, we need to solve these problems for the children, not tell them they need to talk about it.

[@zoxin9293]

You can't solve a problem you don't know about. How are you suppose to know about your child's problem without them talking about it first? So yeah, helping your child is the right way but they have to be able and want to communicate it first.

[@ruibarian5187]

@@TheGuyNamedHenryG you must not be great at reading, I literally typed "made fun of me and beat me up." The school was in a shitty poor community during the No Child Left Behind area, and we were bussed in from a middle class area. The kids who were shitty bullies were poor and stupid, so the school didn't want to levy punishments against them. When I defended myself, I was literally being jumped - one of them jumped on my back while the other tried to punch me in the stomach. So no, you're way off-base.

[@ruibarian5187]

@@zoxin9293 that's not at all how these situations work, and you're speaking like someone who doesn't have children in their life. Children are incapable of accurately describing their lives even when they are trying to communicate, and the levels of shame children go through when being bullied out the onus completely, 100% on the adults to be vigilant about the situations their children are involved in at all times. To say a 9-year-old child has to communicate or be left to the wolves is so insanely stupid I can't believe I've just read it, let alone that someone thought it was a good enough thought to type out and hit "send" on.

[@ruibarian5187]

@@TheGuyNamedHenryG Bro, you literally pointed out a trauma where I was repeatedly verbally and physically assaulted, that I was publicly admitting to, and blamed me for it. You deserved much, much worse than I gave you, what you did was super scummy, and you should really consider how easily you blithely threw that back in my face regardless of my actions afterward *as a 9-year-old*.

[@petrospetromixos6962]

​@@ruibarian5187in life you must weight the good and the bad ,whats better be made fun of and rediculed and attack ed or go to the principal office one time

[@martastack]

soooo, im a man