How NOT to Finger Someone - Nikki Glaser

[@starwarfan8342]

"going viral" lol she somehow managed to make a dad joke sound funny

[@chadwickwright2833]

Dad joke? Go sit in your tower.

[@crashoutvergil]

@@chadwickwright2833 "Go sit in your tower" ok "Chadwick" lmfao middle aged men in the comments section kappa

[@larrykelly2010]

Going virus

[@melissadehart9306]

She's not a dad...

[@mrjuanderfuI]

@@melissadehart9306 did you just assume her parental status?

[@supadave3210]

Amy Schumer is somewhere writing down her jokes lol

[@MindsetMasterywithAIForToday]

She sounds and acts just like Amy Schumer..who stole who's material? lol

[@stanusher5225]

@@MindsetMasterywithAIForToday I'd marry both her and Amy...both beautiful women

[@daveygivens735]

@@stanusher5225Excuse me a sec-rrraaRAALLLLPPHHHhhmmmmphhhh.

[@fenecofeneco19]

Thanks for making people search her name and work,she deserves it.

[@grigorirasputin5020]

She is much more attractive and intelligent than Amy Schumer will ever be.

[@jbasti227]

That Fruit Ninja analogy was perfect

[@DanDaMan-ez2eu]

Agreed!

[@sechabatheletsane9784]

That was actually hilarious.

[@matthewestes4831]

Until she made it weird with a 13 year old lol

[@matthewestes4831]

@Blankface killah meh, pedophilia is not funny to me. Really makes me sick. But I guess if you find it funny, laugh it up

[@conancat]

The best comedians make supposedly taboo subjects, like pedophilia, funny. The involuntary laughter you make after you realized that you've witnessed someone transgressed a social taboo and make it funny, oof that takes some mad skills 😁

[@jstone4862]

"Is this fracking?" Great line. Her stand up is amazing

[@nooceluap7760]

@Mani Kantan She did say it at 3:05 - Very funny

[@prof113]

@Mani Kantan How did you miss it??

[@michaelwood9035]

That was the line that made me lol

[@aanddone4747]

lol "Is.. is this fracking? Is that what fracking is? I've heard a lot..."

[@EJofLA]

I love how open Nikki is to share her story. It makes it feel like you're one of her besties, and she's catching you up on what's been going on with her. And her material is awesome to boot. Thanks beautiful!

[@DooDooInvaduR]

true shes so hot until she starts talking

[@ThomasRogan-gc5pi]

Then she gets even hotter 😅

[@EJofLA]

Since I wrote this, I ran into her at the supermarket and offered her a donation for all her clips. She said she is doing so well that I should pay it forward to another comedian that needs it more. And was very approachable, smiley and appreciative of my comments.

[@DonnaCantrell-BaeDreamz20]

@@ThomasRogan-gc5pi very

[@DonnaCantrell-BaeDreamz20]

❤

[@ossapinhosfazemhumah]

Thats a TIGHT five. You can tell she worked on it for a long time and got rid of all fat. punchline after punchline with professional precision. Also, that fracking aside? easily one of my favorite jokes of hers.

[@baylinkdashyt]

So to speak...

[@baylinkdashyt]

@@guptadagger896 Talks like what? Ossa's comment? Comedy people do.

[@Omega_Gaming107]

Fruit ninja, so good

[@waynebruce24893]

Keep in mind this clip is edited to keep time. And it's an old set

[@christopherh4653]

Tight Five was probably her nickname in High School.

[@myblacklab7]

3:45 "Here kitty kitty." LOL - this is an impressively advanced instructional video.

[@jimmyr1683]

I've tried this and everything else to get my girlfriend to orgasm but she can't. What can I do?

[@nattvaktenphotography]

@@jimmyr1683 kzbin.info/www/bejne/eXnciJlvnd58jLs

[@nattvaktenphotography]

Now you know why it's called pussycat 😉 see ancient wisdom is hidden in the most obvious places.

[@mobucks555]

One of the reasons she's great: She writes new material.

[@Dev-In-Denver123]

And almost every comedian writes new material. They try it out at small shows, and use what works at the shows you see on youtube over and over.

[@CartwheelsInTheMoonlight]

Road rage videos!!! U know it

[@southpark645]

This is new? It sounded like every other female comedian’s set I’ve ever heard on Comedy Central

[@runayred]

@@southpark645 get a life dude

[@Eyedonutno]

@@runayred, he ain’t wrong.

[@miguelalexandresimoesneves8660]

Love how Nikki is so honest and straight forward, and not cringe at all, one of my favourite

[@JB-sd4or]

"HPV. You should get it. It's going viral." LMAO

[@PredaConvoy]

Good to see comedians still doing the work our sex ed teachers never could! I learned about the "here kitty" hook watching comedy as a teen - sound advice! 🤣

[@sty0pa]

"Be TOO into it" - that's going to end up going differently than she thinks.

[@donwanna3906]

LOL No such thing as "too into it!" xD

[@kingnothingist]

Men can be just as freaky, if not more freaky than women.

[@sty0pa]

@@kingnothingist "just as"? I'd guess 95% of women, if they got a look inside most men's heads on a daily basis, would be freaked out if not outright disgusted by what we're contemplating...more or less constantly.

[@kingnothingist]

@@sty0pa Agreed

[@GruppeSechs]

We delved too greedily and too deep.

[@skeetermcswagger0U812]

"....... you just wait for the pomegranate to come out and then you just intensely scrub it...." OMFG- ROTFFLMMAO!!!!!

[@theylied1776]

This has to be one of her funniest sets. The way she's rapid-fire, and she only takes pauses as needed for the punchline... and not for the laughs. That's how it should be done. She makes it look easy but this takes years of bombing and falling flat on your face in front of an audience to get it right.

[@GreenEnvy.]

Nikki Glaser's burner account above.

[@Dontbustthecrust]

That's what a pro sounds like.

[@d4mdcykey]

@@GreenEnvy. ~ Incel account above.

[@darrwinmorgan831]

#bigfacts

[@marheezy7661]

Yeah let them know

[@bjv93]

She's getting even better. Fucking hilarious. Getting some Louie vibes tbh, and fucking awesome to see Nikki continuing to make such a good name for women in comedy everywhere, keep it up :)

[@maxibluft]

Yes exactly! I recently saw her last special and SO MUCH Louis CK vibes, especially how she sort of sheepishly chuckles at some of her own awful statements to allow the awkwardness to settle amongst the crowd, where you get time to think "yeah that's kind of true lol but I still can't fucking believe she actually said it"

[@hippiecheezburger5457]

She is one of the best women in comedy

[@TheJProducti0ns]

She totally needs to go into voice acting. I could totally see her getting good roles

[@chaosapiant]

Totally!

[@thomyyyyyy]

YES was saying the same thing, it’s such an expressive voice

[@8shroomfairy8]

@@leanoramccarthy7726 I thought so too but it's a character named Jessi Glaser voiced by Jesse Klein. I looked at the entire cast on google and didnt see Nikki.

[@INFINITEMODIFICATIONS]

Totally

[@tokenofdevotion]

Exactly what I was thinking. She has such a cool voice

[@zephyrjet122]

From now on instead of "you have kids", I'm saying "You own these?" or "why u still babysitting yo?" Thank you Nikki! 😂💁🏼‍♂️🤭

[@johnlafever3162]

...and I’m going to say, “grow up!” Or “why are you so rude?”

[@conancat]

"I want an accessory that I don't have yet" oh my God every line killed in this set 😂🤣🤣

[@gwminichiello9322]

Brilliant. Perfect timing and clever. Tough topics made listener friendly. Gorgeous to top it all off. One of best females I've ever seen.

[@osiris2384]

Nikki's candor is refreshing and hilarious

[@himoragenma6416]

EXACTLY!!!!

[@carlosmarcus3286]

Her pacing is so good. Jabs and punches.

[@rolling.reggie]

"I'm ready to write my congresswoman" LOL

[@carolyntalbot947]

🏆

[@jacknoble5846]

Thats a TIGHT five. You can tell she worked on it for a long time and got rid of all fat. punchline after punchline with professional precision. Also, that fracking aside? easily one of my favorite jokes of hers.

[@harrambou9468]

...r/whoosh for me

[@meiisbei5974]

"You should get it, it's going viral." Fucking gold

[@DarkFlamesDarkness]

"I like to outsource it" Fucking hilarious.

[@Craig_Spurlock]

Romantic/sexual/relationship comedy is a skill, and Nikki has always been consistently talented and funny in that regard!

[@bunker3290]

It’s been ages since I last played fruit ninja. I wonder if it’s been updated.

[@Imthefake]

i just re downloaded it

[@Fractured676]

Android and Apple are suddenly wondering why everyone is re-downloading Fruit Ninja

[@TerraPosse]

@ baby: You mean with more Pomegranates?

[@aroxx8086]

@@Fractured676 Halfbrick Studios... please give this woman her residuals

[@lemonscented7703]

Oh, it has

[@joaquinvargas3915]

Incredibly well written and delivered bit. Loaded with jokes and the asides are amazing.

[@ardentmuskrat1361]

Watching these videos without comments isn’t as interesting

[@mez0508]

At all

[@edhastie6074]

Her timing is perfect

[@himoragenma6416]

"The HOOK like, what did you last summer!!!!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@himoragenma6416]

@@Chris-rg6nm Super CHEEKY!!!!😂😂😂😁

[@richardlloyd2589]

What, how AND who....

[@himoragenma6416]

@@richardlloyd2589 😬😂😂😂

[@macgonzo]

Guys, some advice. "The Hook" definitely works, but I'll tell you my secret technique, one that had my partners asking "what the hell did you do to me?!?" I call it "The Runner". It's like The Hook, but instead of moving both fingers in unison, alternate both fingers - like you're imitating two legs running. Don't go all in on it from the start though, it's a finishing move. Your partner will thank you.

[@natebowman1190]

This is great because me and my buddies literally called it "The Hook" 15 years ago. Good to know we were doing it right!

[@aligaali892]

It's like written in our DNA I guess... xD

[@scorpiusbalthazar4327]

It's how you hit the g-spot. I also learned it under the idea of calling it, "come here". As in when someone points at you and says, come here. Same motion.

[@Stephenhendrys]

Can't get enough of Nikki Glaser 😂😍

[@davidburns6284]

Nikki is great at what she does, but at some point she needs to expand her topic spectrum. She does get points for being the dirtiest female stand up I've seen, though.

[@Rottilover21]

She gives people what they want

[@NX-ez4xq]

Look up Diane Spencer, especially her stuff from about 5 years ago. You'll appreciate it.

[@conancat]

She goes in deep and she keeps finding new ways to talk about sex in ways that nobody else does. Like how many sex jokes you can think of? Nikki just keeps coming back with fresh and funny material and that's hard. That's specialization and she's great at it.

[@ladderallthinking8790]

That was one of the best rapid-fire flows I've seen in a short set, man or woman. Bravo.

[@englishinba]

She's talking about a real problem that exists among people who grew up with readily available porn.

[@clubtepes2046]

Which problem??

[@ppo2424]

@@clubtepes2046 The problem she just described ?

[@SI0AX]

Yeah but at the same time this can be solved by sitting down with your partner after having been in a relationship in a while and talking about sex and explaining that he shouldn't do anything he's seen in the videos, lol. Or better yet, gift him a book or share him a video on "how to please woman" or something like that so he knows that the violent way is not the proper way. Basically woman have to educate men and when you see the statistics that the great majority of woman have never had an orgasm, then you know the majority of men are not doing it right.

[@SI0AX]

@@deusexaethera If there were more men like you, there wouldn't be a lot of angry and frustrated woman in this world...

[@spatiumettempus5118]

@@SI0AX Well there are a lot of men out there like him, but unfortunately women don’t go for the nice guy that know what he’s doing. They go for the guy that treats them poorly and ones that take advantage of them. Then they complain about to their girlfriends.

[@angelrivera4189]

Ik this is a joke but its not stopping me from taking notes:)

[@RayDCO]

Nikki is so great. She gets even better and better. One of the funniest comedians present day

[@KPG113]

All you need is the "come hither" move. Works every time.

[@robertperez7951]

Also known as finger-fracking when taken to an extreme.

[@lilidequien4335]

Pp

[@1feloniouspunk]

Thank you, Nikki! Love it, and we want more!!!

[@Zett76]

She's funny. Thinking that a girl could OVERSELL her backdoor... so cute. 😆

[@AudioArcturia]

I mean... she's right I'd think it was a huge turnoff lol

[@two2truths]

Sadly Id be even more into it.... 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@fenecofeneco19]

@@AudioArcturia do you think that MEN loving it, doesn't make women super hyped,self-critical if they can't,and worried about please them by learning it? Women watch porn mainly to chase male desire ,too be "nice" to them and YOU would find it a turnoff ?

[@AudioArcturia]

@@fenecofeneco19 I think we all find attractive what we find attractive, and people need to get over the petty animus they assign to dignity with regards to sexuality. I have no interest in doing things sexually to an orifice designed to exude waste. I do not find desirable the majority of things you can find on porn sites. If that were true, I'd be into fucking my family members. I'm not. I think if a woman (or man, for that matter) wants to be pleasant to their partner in a sexual context, they should have an adult conversation about it instead of having lofty expectations and being disappointed when their expectations are subverted.

[@karinpowers1018]

@@AudioArcturia I find it a turnoff too, but apparently people like her do all sorts of things to get the waste out of there, like fasting and enemas, as preparation.

[@Apekots]

She should team up with Jimmy Carr.

[@cherylmorgan3921]

This is the 3rd video I’ve watched. You’re growing on this 66 y/o grandma. I enjoy your style

[@jonnymallett108]

So much funnier than any other female comedians that are out there at the minute in my opinion 💯💯💯

[@DryMyTears]

This girl's great. Not just funny but also has a message.

[@_.--.--._]

the message: "muh vagina"

[@biocykle]

@@_.--.--._ you missed the message

[@fiftystate1388]

What's the message?

[@brennam954]

The smooth brains below picked up nothing, which is why all their women are unhappy.

[@DryMyTears]

@@fiftystate1388 hard to sum-up in a few words, but Nikki makes me understand women sexuality better. I'm glad there are brave women who "dare" talk about this. It must be very difficult. Because as a man, I must say women sexuality is kind of a secret continent.

[@garryjohnson1065]

Great material!😂😂😂

[@ClaireHaire]

I really feel like some guys do it aggressively as if they're punishing you for asking for foreplay lol.

[@KapitainvonHass]

I feel bad for you and whomever you have been with. Because all of the women of done sexual things with have all praised me for all 3 things I can do. Hands, mouth, and penis. I feel like guys take it too far immediately, like no, work up to it bro. Like what you see in porn isn't real life man.....

[@sobresom4243]

@@KapitainvonHass this guy

[@ddebenedictis]

Maybe so Claire. We guys have learned that the way to get out of, say, washing the dishes is to do a horrible job, sometimes even drop a dish. This learning can easily be extrapolated to sexual chores (although I pity the man that does not desire to touch his beloved in whatever way she enjoys). Of course women play this game too. After explaining and showing my girlfriend countless times, she still doesn't edge me...just gets it over with and then "oops". Sigh.

[@orionred2489]

It's porn... that's where we learned it. Even the lesbian porn is over the top with that kind of thrusting.

[@osiris2384]

@@sobresom4243 thats the funniest way I've heard that put maybe ever. I'm picturing Borat or something, "Women I've done the sex with have all praised me what I can do with hands and penis" 🤣 and HE feels bad for her... 🙃

[@tony-does-stuff]

How can a standup be so funny yet so educational

[@kaitlynpeterson5387]

END FRACKING😂

[@istdochallesegal3427]

Only on federal lands, though...

[@ashleyoh9613]

It's terrible 😖

[@brianchu8147]

I know what you did last summer...I'm dying...

[@marshalltucker1159]

Totally downloaded fruit ninja and tried it out, she’s totally right 😂

[@coachleif]

absolutely masterful set

[@Salanan]

I keep picturing her hastily packed suitcase.

[@namutae326]

Yeah that good ol roast beef sandwich lmfao

[@Ring0fSaturn]

Nikki Glaser is brilliant. Full stop.

[@dianamary6170]

Educating the world, one stand up at a time, Nikki Glaser!

[@letusreason3554]

I miss the great old school female comedians. They made jokes about everything. They were not like the female comedians of today, that always want to talk about their coochies and their periods.

[@WhyTheRedSuit]

Looks like somebody has been playing fruit ninja a lot.

[@YourNickIsTaken]

It is super sad when you are sexually with someone they doesn't know what is good for Themselves and you need to figure it out or else You are bad at sex. It would be great to have have sex with 35year who knew their body on an "entry" level.

[@nightguy5967]

Nikki Glazer is the only being on earth, that can explain how women work

[@kedabro1957]

Shlessinger is also treasonously revealing.

[@nightguy5967]

@@kedabro1957 I'll have to take your word for it, I can't stand her comedy

[@nightguy5967]

@Science is Hard yeah of course that. I mean Nikki gets down to the details & cuts out all the BS

[@nightguy5967]

@@mquag It may be poorly worded, but impossible to understand. C'mon🤨

[@skygirllove3669]

🤣True! And I love that!

[@harpersmith1400]

I have a whole new perspective on pomegranate lol

[@darlamurillo4546]

I won’t be able to play fruit ninja without laughing anymore 😂!

[@Procrasti...]

The fracking bit killed me 😂😂😂😂😂

[@wesleypipes1440]

Love how this is filmed and I love Nikki, I hope I can meet her someday 🥰

[@ESL-O.G.]

Finally an honest woman saying how they pretend to be somebody they are not to make the guy fall in love. Take note fellas. It's a joke, but it's not a joke when it happens to you

[@berrydoodles]

Im a simple woman. I see Nikki, I click

[@ewwpoorpeople5684]

*Clickey

[@dylanhaupt]

Thanks for the tips 🙌

[@TheBent139]

"I know what you did last summer", that's it, the basic hook, works at least 90% of the time. No fracking needed.

[@chadjones1266]

Thanks again

[@aceofspades6667]

1:30 Nikki what happens if he calls your bluff and is totes into it?

[@ewwpoorpeople5684]

Double... triple down

[@amistry605]

You're screwed lmaooo

[@BabyJesus66]

@@amistry605 literally

[@amistry605]

@@BabyJesus66 😅

[@Ronaldstreat]

you bite the pillow

[@6548ww]

I love this Woman’s raw Humor 👍 funny as hell

[@danokitemanotoo1791]

"Mine's Stripped & It Does Help." Hahahaha!

[@FTulumello]

I love her sense of humor as well as her bod !

[@deaconfallowfield144]

I took this lesson to heart

[@robbaholic]

She is the funniest female stand-up in my opinion.

[@id10t98]

and easy on the eyes.

[@joemunoz4834]

"I know what you did last summer..."

[@redrick8900]

This is actually solid advice.

[@mirimarina6387]

I was not expecting to like her this much😭😭😂😂😂

[@JazzyB9481]

Same here 😂

[@johnclites2286]

Truly original and unabashed. Love her!

[@PETEYBOY954]

Came here for the laughs stayed for the education

[@JonCollinsMedia]

Haha "I know what you did last summer" 🤣 I'm gonna pull an Amy Schumer and use that one

[@rogeliofelix13]

She's pretty funny. I like the way she writes her jokes

[@shazna90]

great to see Celine Dion pursuing her comedy dream

[@HadenSavanti]

Love her, one of the best comics working today.

[@ML-ks2lj]

"here kitty kitty" and my cat jumps into my bed...

[@j-fit677]

Fracking, trying to release those natural gasses.

[@samuelmorse784]

Respect, she killed it.

[@bigtxbullion]

🤩 She always leaves me smiling 😃

[@toddoakes458]

Good show thanks todd

[@Heather_Whoever]

I needed this laugh😂😭

[@kyndread71]

Just act like you're going for the last Pringle at the bottom of the can.

[@user-hv3xv4xs6j]

You mean pat the back?😈

[@varnishyourboard]

Her writing has gotten really good

[@nunz777]

She's thee best female comedian working today....and it's not even close.

[@NicholasTSilveira]

The fruit ninja part was actually funny as hell lol

[@NoName-dn8nv]

As an avid fingerblaster I do appreciate that she took the time appreciate my craft

[@marc2638]

Most honest assessment from a.woman about women. Most of us know this ladies we play you just as hard lol

[@keithbarnhart6952]

Guys who are "energetic" with their fingers are probably trying to elicit a squirt by excessively massaging the G-spot, but in her case (all jokes aside) don't know what they are doing, and are causing pain.

[@redrick8900]

In real life guys aren't into squirting.

[@keithbarnhart6952]

@@redrick8900 WOW, you speak for all men, huh?

[@redrick8900]

@@keithbarnhart6952 On this I do.

[@DHW448]

That was very good thank you. I really enjoyed it, very clever.

[@zacharybarcelona4717]

It's funny because I've actually played fruit ninja and never even came close to 37 with a pomegranate

[@earlscheib7754]

This is one of the better TED talks

[@Ironbreeze53]

That explains the oversized fruit ninja at Dave & Busters

[@michaelcostigane552]

Elegance personified x

[@anthoneygrose9248]

Honestly , I found this to be educational ... I was begining to think I was doing it wrong , I really need upgrade my One night Stand , standards 🤣🤣😢