How NOT To Write Sex Scenes

[@DanielGreeneReviews]

Write better stick stick fun times please.

[@brettmacdonell5329]

wow daniel, just wow

[@r.charlie]

100% agree on that from me

[@Calebgoblin]

Goblins do it best

[@MohseenLala]

Gotcha, working on it.

[@edsheeran1243]

This was the most uncomfortable video I've seen on this channel and I love it

[@hondasamer5920]

When you’re watching booktube and your parents walk in

[@deathmattkiller]

I was watching this in the kitchen having my morning coffee and my friends girlfriend walked in, right as he was describing weird naming for vaginas.

[@pookypoo1169]

F

[@Draber2b]

@@deathmattkiller ooof 😶

[@J_MM]

😭😭

[@lapersianaperta]

parents don't understand english ✌😆

[@mateakalanj3988]

me, holding a gun to a male fantasy author's head: go on, call it a flower again. see what happens.

[@couchpotatoe91]

I know women like it when I give it to them though! That... thing you mentioned.

[@sentient.ball.of.stardust]

And hidden pearl.

[@couchpotatoe91]

@@sentient.ball.of.stardust I mean... I guess the author is referring to the clit. I dunno, it kinda makes sense in that a pearl is precious, etc. I feel like people get way too engaged about this sort of thing and act like everybody likes and dislikes the same things. I personally wouldn't call the clit a pearl, but someone more romantic might and make some flattering metaphor. On the other hand some women will aggressicely tell men to f**k their c**t because they like it rougher and maybe a bit more taboo. I feel like the root of problem is a society that stigmatizes talking about sex. So most people have their own views on "how things should be" and are weirded out when people disagree or think differently. If we talked about this stuff more openly people would realize there's almost no "wrong" way to write a sex scene. The author apparently liked it that way, they're probably not the only one. Who are you to tell them they're "not supposed to do it that way"? That's how people viewed things like homosexuality in the past.

[@forwhy8723]

@@couchpotatoe91 people have opinions on everything, including how they prefer their fiction. I don't get why you're baffled by the idea that people will review a piece of writing and think it's wrongly done

[@couchpotatoe91]

@@forwhy8723 It's something different when you say "I didn't like this in the story because xyz". Here though people say things like "you should never use these words in sex scenes: ..." That's a very different story as it completely disregards the kind of writing, characters, overall scene, author's intention, etc.

[@Karolina-hb2qj]

"Women also write very bad sex scenes too" - ah, yes, this is the equality we fought for

[@Dackad]

"Don't call it a member, it's not wearing a Letterman jacket!" Wait... no one else dresses their little guy up like this? Huh, okay.

[@outrageous42ne]

I lettered in glistening

[@arcuscerebellumus8797]

@@chaplinfan6369 Seems like adding all those additional design elements would further disrupt the already abysmal sensitivity that one gets with a condom. At that point, you might as well just use a penis sleeve. At least you only have to pay for those once. And that's on top of providing a better augmentation for the benefit of the recipient than even the most sophisticated condom.

[@DianaCHewitt]

There's a subreddit for dressing up penises. Some people do a full diorama.

[@supernova6694]

@@chaplinfan6369 thank you! And, a very valid point you brought up, condom size. Many people who use condoms don't know their right size which leads to the sensation loss and its also more likely to spill or break during sex. There are ways to measure your exact size, Google is happy to help you and your counterpart(s) will thank you

[@mysterythroes5752]

I do but nobody notices😔

[@fredsmith-kingofthelunatic7810]

Spurting is definitely a word that should never be used.

[@shyguy1845]

*spurt spurt spurt*

[@f0rth3l0v30fchr15t]

@@shyguy1845 "His glistening throbber spurted gouts of pearlescent baby gravy, and what i write here doesn't matter, because the reader is gagging and vomiting at the same time"

[@Mrbluefire95]

Ironically this is commonly used in Doujins

[@jonbaxter2254]

Unless it's a wound.

[@calista3371]

See, I like spurting. I think that's a good way to put it.

[@treenutspeanuts]

alternate title: Daniel uses innuendo to dodge KZbin demonetization for 11 minutes straight

[@MrTNT49]

Well that already failed

[@f0rth3l0v30fchr15t]

In *your* endo.

[@n357779]

Excellent writer, and he proves his improv chops. Damn Daniel... damn.

[@Bowtiedhillbilly]

I was really surprised when I got an ad on this video, tbh.

[@OtakuChristian]

Describing a lady’s bits as a “swamp” is something George R R Martin did...my life has never been the same since. Lol

[@mattmacaulay2900]

“This is my swamp”

[@MagusMarquillin]

A "love swamp", or a "swamp of sadness" where your horse will willingly drown?

[@CraigMiyazaki]

I think he wants to make the reader uncomfortable

[@450nc]

@@CraigMiyazaki That scene was written from the perspective of Cersei and it was definitely written in that way to show how disturbing her mind is. Many people miss the point, and think that’s how the Author sees a woman’s privates.

[@matthiasbindl7085]

GET OUT OF MA SWAMP!

[@fredsmith-kingofthelunatic7810]

"I went spelunking in a moist crevasse" Is the dirtiest sounding clean sentence possible. Enjoy. Lol. EDIT: My sentence just means "I went cave diving." Legitimately.

[@Calebgoblin]

Just because words exist doesn't mean you have to use them >_>

[@maohpeach1425]

SAO Abridged: "Letting the master swordsman do battle with the feirce drgaon in your cave of wonders"

[@FlyingFocs]

@@Calebgoblin this actually covers a lot as writing advice. This is good advice, not gonna lie.

[@HeavyTopspin]

Vulcanize the whoopee stick In the ham wallet.

[@mfkrwill]

"G Rated filth is far creepier than just plain filth" -Patton Oswalt

[@Alkemisti]

I would join Patreon, but that would make me . . . a member.

[@Kk-fj5tn]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@pRahvi0]

Just don't start glistening

[@TheToma305]

Literally Lmfao

[@techwizpc4484]

@@pRahvi0 Or throbbing.

[@theBuilder10000]

Me to my girlfriend: “I just attempted writing my first sex scene.” My girlfriend: “Oooh. Can I read it!” Me: “Absolutely not. Never. Not a chance.”

[@jonbaxter2254]

I write so nobody will ever read...

[@BooksToAshes]

My boyfriend edits my drafts so he's read it all 😂

[@curranfrank2854]

@@BooksToAshes Huh that's a nice relationship good for you

[@noraeld5020]

@@BooksToAshes honestly that's pretty cute cos letting other people read shit takes a lot of vulnerability

[@Blanch590]

@@BooksToAshes that’s epic

[@CainGarrisonVT]

Honestly, sex scenes in books make me uncomfortable. If an author wrote “then they did the sex” I would greatly appreciate it.

[@stephanielohutko3085]

They're awkward to read, but even worse on audiobook!

[@CainGarrisonVT]

@@stephanielohutko3085 tell me about it. I listened to the “man hands” series on a bet and I groan and complain when I hear the sex scenes and fantasies at work.

[@cartergreen2309]

@@stephanielohutko3085 imagine listening to them at work and right at that moment your coworker looks you straight in the eyes. It has happened to me MULTIPLE times.

[@JuzefaWingedCat]

If you suddenly jump to a different scene and it is the comic relief saying that, I can see it work

[@gajbooks]

I would rather sex be alluded to or not mentioned at all, but the Robert Jordan solution is not the answer either, where even after a sex has happened you aren't even sure if it has or not (you know when I'm talking about if you have read a few books into WoT).

[@tschhatwal595]

I told my mom Daniel's chanel gives book recommendations and teaches writing. Today she decided to check it out. Oh boy! Now the phone is confiscated. Thanks Daniel.

[@milospollonia1121]

Wait for real?

[@Juan_Jose_Miraballes]

@@milospollonia1121 If it was, he could not write that comment.

[@elrilmoonweaver4723]

HAHA! XD Sorry for you, but that's freaking hilarious.

[@alessandro_ajm4278]

@@Juan_Jose_Miraballes still funny

[@tschhatwal595]

@@Juan_Jose_Miraballes logged in through the laptop

[@Firearrow5235]

In short: Want to write adult themes and situations? Be an adult! My high school health class teacher once told us "If you can't talk about it comfortably then you probably shouldn't be doing it". I think those words apply here.

[@arcuscerebellumus8797]

Yeah, no. That's like saying that if you can't describe the texture and smell of your excrements in a public forum to what's essentially a complete stranger then you shouldn't be taking a shit.

[@Firearrow5235]

@@arcuscerebellumus8797 does not apply to non-optional tasks.

[@arcuscerebellumus8797]

@@Firearrow5235 Well, modern psychology asserts that for a physically healthy human who's gone through puberty in about 90 percentile of the population sex is not optional... if one wants to preserve ones mental health that is. And that's just on an individual level. On a global scale - fucking is THE only thing that sustains the population. As in, everything alive fucks to survive. Kind of a big deal if you ask me... Moreover, I know full-grown adults with children who have trouble openly discussing sex and considering their cultural upbringing never will be. Hell, some of my peers who are mostly 30 to 35'ish and above have trouble with that. Should they never have sex then? I think not. That alone kind of breaks the mold on that bullshit statement. Smells like someone been brainwashed with abstinence.

[@Firearrow5235]

@@arcuscerebellumus8797 Firstly, I have had my fair share of sexual experiences, so you can take your abstinence bullshit elsewhere. Secondly, you don't NEED SEX. Believing so, and by extension tying one's self worth to one's ability to have (or not have) sex is incredibly unhealthy. Sex is nothing more than an enjoyable (ideally) activity that two people can engage in together. If you can't have an open discussion about sex, I don't care what you believe, you clearly have an unhealthy relationship with sex and sexuality.

[@arcuscerebellumus8797]

@@Firearrow5235 Firstly, my bad. I had no idea I was talking to Casanova himself. Now go tell that to your mom and see how that goes. Would she be ok with conversing with you about how she likes when dad slaps her ass while taking the back door? If so, then color me impressed, but that standard is hardly applicable to... well, pretty much anybody else. Secondly, you totally misconstrued my point and cherry-picked things you don't like while ignoring everything around them. Who said anything about self-worth? The argument is - life can't go on without it and if one has an exceptional urge it's much healthier to go along (with caution and consent) even IF you can't go and express it in all its detail. Like throughout most of history where prudish mentality reigned supreme. And before you interject, I'm not saying that in the application to individuals with "pee-pee, goo-goo, ga-ga" level of understanding. I'm only suggesting that this phrase taken on its face value and strictly totally applied to all of humanity would lead to most of us not being born. On what basis could anyone disagree with that?

[@Reveticate]

"Men don't excrete glisten." -Daniel Greene, 2021

[@khehu]

I might be a mutant...

[@bjorngerlach7829]

@@khehu You’re not. Pre-Cum is a thing and a normal one at that. More for some than for others true, but still. Describing it as “glistening” is definitely debatable though...

[@andrewbacon3583]

I think this should be a shirt in the merch shop.

[@cypherfunc]

@@bjorngerlach7829 Yeah, we totally do excrete glisten (like you said, with varying amounts depending on the person). But it doesn't start immediately, and it doesn't suddenly appear on the whole shaft. "Glistening" straight out of the patalones sounds kinda gross.

[@hiotsobo]

G-glisten

[@zakkcolwell7251]

Daniel: "Some hand stuff. Some mouth stuff." Ad: "Sweeeeeeeet Emooooootion." Probably the best comedic ad timing I've ever seen.

[@charlespeter5610]

I appreciate that Robert Jordan didn't write sex scenes. They'd almost undoubtedly be terrible lol

[@samuelyuan291]

But he did before WOT. And yes, kinda are terrible, imo.

[@Rita-RT09]

@@samuelyuan291 he did??? What hahha where?

[@charlespeter5610]

@@samuelyuan291 I haven't read any of his Conan stuff, however, I distinctly remember his wife talking about how bad his romances were (which they were) so I can only assume his sex scenes were just as bad lol

[@samuelyuan291]

@@Rita-RT09 The Fallon Blood

[@paulenan9636]

So it would start out great, then way too many interchangable people get involved, in the middle it get's a little bit sloggy, and someone else has to finish it?

[@havokix]

Edward Cullen glistens... so yeah. Twilight weirdly could get away with the word glistening. But a standard rule of literature is "Don't do what Twilight does"

[@tulkdog]

Write something accessible enough to sell tens of millions of copies?

[@kitothompson7930]

Take an old idea and put your own creative spin on it? Edit: Not a fan of twilight but tbh good on Steph Meyer for trying what she did. Not enough writers are brave enough to try something like that. Gotta give credit where it's due.

[@kathleenschwab4645]

But Edward glistens like diamonds and I think that would hurt.

[@Deni-mt9bj]

I wish someone explained it to E.L. James....

[@ThePebblechan]

@@tulkdog More like write a toxic, misogynistic, and racist love story to millions of impressionable preteens and teens.

[@tandyegg]

From my experience, always keep “moving the plot forward” in mind when writing whatever scene, including a sex scene. What does a sex scene accomplish? Could it be that a couple is having trouble with intimacy? Having a baby? Is someone cheating on someone? You use it as a device. I mean, you could just do it for fun, but I find those are often “meh” to read.

[@mattpfarr6129]

Yeah this. Most sex scenes (in literature and other media) detract from moving the story forward. In many cases it is worse off with the scene IMO.

[@peacemaster8117]

imo it's the same as an action scene: it should raise the stakes, raise the emotions, get the reader's blood pressure up. Sex scenes are best when the characters are fucking ABOUT something: how different they are, how similar they are, their passions, their conflicts. The movie A History Of Violence is a great example of this, where the movie's two sex scenes are used as book-ends to track the transformation of the characters.

[@nondescriptcat5620]

you can develop and communicate tons about characters' relationship through how they do it and what they think about it. i think a lot of the problem is that it's seen as "outside the plot" rather than part of the plot.

[@BlackHe4rtQueen]

@@nondescriptcat5620 exactly as you say, it can translate into plot and characterization based on the principe "show don't tell". I could tell you: "this character is unable to form deeper relationships" or show you a hot sex scene, that ends with the character avoiding eye contact, because they forgot the name of the counterpart.

[@PhantomGreyfire]

"... and from my research I've seen..." -Daniel *funky/lewd background music plays

[@milospollonia1121]

Are you surprised the goblin reads porn? Coz I sure as hell ain't

[@Zetamen7]

I'm a firm believer in a great set-up, some passionate smooching, the good touching and then fade to black

[@joseonwalking8666]

I agree explicit stuff never really leaves anything to the imagination.

[@madhumantichowdhury5875]

Why would you call it a member and a love canal when you can call it "velvet wrapped steel" and "her sex"

[@zi2651]

I understood that reference😂😂😂

[@ericale9700]

@@zi2651 oh god what is the reference please help, I've read those exact phrases in fanfic

[@zi2651]

@@ericale9700 The "velvet wrapped steel" part is from the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas. Specifically used in the fifth book, Empire of Storms, when we're all of a sudden given a fairly graphic sex scene in what was supposed to be a YA Fantasy series, which caused a lot of controversy in the fandom and rightfully so.

[@zi2651]

"Her sex" is also used in SJM's A Court of Thorns and Roses series, I believe. This one is New Adult tho.

[@nicksterling6351]

Be really funny/plot twist if he learned he was the only one who didnt glisten and throb.

[@Iluvatar196]

What do you mean it doesnt glisten fresh from the oven Daniel?? I mean, yours do glisten, doesn't it?? Doesnt it????

[@necrus1401]

Wait... are we not supposed to check men's pulses via their erect penis... maybe I should change doctors.

[@josiah9712]

I thought they all did that

[@armanaryan4663]

generally, sticky sticky fun time scenes are NOT the time to show off your vocabulary

[@CraigMiyazaki]

The best writer of s x scenes is the author of Gilgamesh. "For the space of seven days and seven nights did Enkidu lie with the temple priestess, his member hard."

[@Michael-ee4uz]

That is way longer than 4 hours. He should have contacted his doctor.

[@CraigMiyazaki]

@@Michael-ee4uz I don't think that there were doctors 4700 years ago

[@AaronRotenberg]

@@CraigMiyazaki There were... they just weren't very good at it.

[@mariamann8292]

in my German translation, it doesn't say his member hard. It says until he was full of enjoying her. (bis er satt war davon, sie zu genießen).

[@arpitdas4263]

@@Michael-ee4uz He's Enkidu.He can do whatever the fuck he want

[@netherveilgames996]

The bit about how every fantasy couple climaxes together absolutely slayed me. It's so true, and Daniel's delivery on it was so hilarious. I think, though, the reason why authors tend to do that is because it's just more satisfying knowing that both parties finished, so there's no reasonable doubt or overanalyzing if the woman wasn't satisfied or something, and then having to worry about repercussions that might have on the story. It might sound silly, but I think that's the reason. It would also be emasculating for the male character in the eyes of most readers if it were implied that the woman didn't finish and the guy gave up or she just got tired and was like "forget it, I still enjoyed it" or whatever. It's not narratively satisfying for many reasons. I also think the reason authors alternate between numerous words and find so many different ways to say "vagina" and "penis" is because we hate repeating the same word again and again if we can help it, so the instinct is to find a new way to say it every time. It's better to cycle through a few acceptable, undistracting terms, though, than to invent abstract ones like "love canal" or "tunnel of love" or "throbbing flesh-rod" (I saw that once and immediately closed the book and took a shower).

[@luuuuux_]

Throbbing flesh rod? Who the fuck wrote that? That being said, your comment actually makes a lot of sense.

[@netherveilgames996]

@School with Devin Holley Right, totally. It’s just that from a male protagonist’s POV, not finishing the girl off would be pretty much a career ending event. Would readers take Conan the Barbarian seriously if in a sex scene his partner was like, “No, you’re doing a great job. I just have a lot on my plate right now.”

[@daisydoesthings1172]

I get you, but even if the girl doesn't finish when the male POV does doesn't mean they can't keep going. there are other ways he can 'finish her off' if you know what i mean. n.o 1 this makes the male character much more attractive to female readers and also normalises this situation for guy readers, which the women in their lives would most definitely appreciate

[@netherveilgames996]

@@daisydoesthings1172 100% agree and this is how it should play out in real life, but I think it’s less narratively satisfying to readers, or at least authors think it is, if the male protagonist can’t get the girl to “finish” from the main act of sex alone because it implies, in story logic but not in real world logic, he is incapable of satisfying her from sex alone. It’s a male hang-up.

[@luuuuux_]

@@daisydoesthings1172 I’ve actually seen this in a few fanfics and I think it’s great

[@Ruminations09]

I'm asexual, but I really enjoy good portrayals of intimate relationships. I quite like using fiction to explore things I have zero interest in doing in real life. But the fact that it has to be a *good* portrayal really discounts 90% of all sex scenes I've ever read. Being asexual, I would definately *prefer* the fade-to-black scenes, but if you're gonna commit to writing a sex scene, at least make it realistic! For me, it comes down to 3 major problems, two of which you mentioned in this video: 1) Foreplay is non-existent, there's barely ever any buildup. I genuinely struggle to understand how people would ever feel comfortable jumping straight into sex without establishing the proper mood first. 2) The weird euphemisms for 'penis' and 'vagina' are legitimately more off-putting than if they had just said 'penis' and 'vagina' in the first place. 3) These scenes very often appeal to the male-gaze way more than the female-gaze to a very noticeable degree. There's nothing wrong with making a scene sexy, but like... if you're gonna do that, it should be sexy to both men and women. Talk about the woman's sex appeal, sure, but also talk about the man's sex appeal. Idk, these are just the thoughts of a person who doesn't feel sexual attraction and isn't really qualified to talk about it, but these issues genuinely do annoy me when I encounter them.

[@AliRisdal]

I also am not a fan of 'sheathing' and 'unsheathing' in sex. Fantasy authors love those words.

[@adeyemioyemade1631]

Yes!!! I was cringing hard when this came up in rage of dragons 🤣

[@AliRisdal]

@@adeyemioyemade1631 that's actually where I most recently read it!

[@maximeteppe7627]

- As a man - "Yeah, weapon imagery, feels powerful" - As a woman - "No sharp edges down there, what is wrong with you!"

[@The_Khuzdul1]

Well, fun fact for you: "Vagina" translates to "Sheath" in Latin, so it make sense in regards to etymology

[@adeyemioyemade1631]

@@The_Khuzdul1 really? you learn something new everyday.

[@DevaNeeramanii]

I think "glistening" in the books might be referring to pre-coming ...which is very natural for some men...and not the overall sheen of the full length of the "member"

[@gabrielblanchard3921]

genuinely slightly worried to have scrolled *this* far down the comments before encountering anybody who showed awareness of this phenomenon

[@Mana_Ski]

I've traversed the Kingdoms and ascended lofty mountains to reach this comment.

[@etoiledufaucon5904]

@@SourGravity as an hetero woman who had many guys in a bed i can tell you that only a few of them get THAT moist. Some guys are dry as fuck, others only have a drop of it, others have damn leaking faucets who would make a nymphomaniac girl look dry as dirt. I don t know what is the part of genetics/anatomy in it and what part is purely psychological, but for sure it can drastically vary between peoples. So its not surprising that for some guys it sounds weird and for others it sounds normal. And its the same shit on the female side, we all think we are the norm until we discover we are not in some way or another. But because most peoples are too ashamed to openly talk about it, its sadly something you can only learn by experience.

[@TheYannir]

Whenever I decide to write my novel, I'm gonna replace sex scenes with dirty pictures of stick figures doing it with each other, and Daniel can fill in the rest.

[@peacemaster8117]

"His glistening foreskin buffeted in the wind, a portent of dark omens. Betwixt his mighty thighs swung his mighty testes, coated in matted hair like a soaking wet golden retriever... and also glistening. With a cruel sneer he snatched up his memberous shaft in a mighty glistening fist and cranked it most throbaciously."

[@Kikilang60]

Daniel is such a goof. I coundn't stop laughing.

[@kerrissedai6857]

Yaz

[@evanm2134]

Did you seriously just say "Smush their crotches"?! 😂😂😂

[@Calebgoblin]

This makes me uncomfortable but in the most constructive way possible

[@jaimegibbs2751]

For real, my EXACT thought, hahaha...

[@LagMasterSam]

Technically, that would make this video art according to my definition of art.

[@maihammad9798]

"It's not wearing a letterman jacket" when I tell you I died 💀

[@jonbaxter2254]

A member for your member. Lil' jacket

[@bartandaelus359]

How not to write sex scenes: *points at wise man's fear*

[@GetaVe]

lol was looking for this comment

[@h.mansari8802]

You clearly just lack the patience for a thousand hands.

[@persephonekore7738]

I tend to read that as ‘how the teenage boy thought he did when talking himself up to his pals’ 😂

[@couchpotatoe91]

@@persephonekore7738 Lol exactly.

[@fernandoiturbide9109]

@@persephonekore7738 now, that makes far more sense to me

[@edsheeran1243]

Honestly the fade to black ones are the best

[@johanjoseph4802]

That tongue sound tho. Never thought that would be Sexualised. Thanks Goblin.

[@psycane8462]

Every phrase you used to avoid demonitization was somehow a million times worse than just saying sex

[@eazy8579]

Personally, as an asexual, I vastly prefer reading and writing the fade to black approach, though honestly the ones with weird terminology are hilarious

[@anjar6483]

I'm not asexual, but I agree! I am a fan of the fade-to-black approach, and I always have a good laugh at the scenes with weird terminology.

[@Ruminations09]

Also asexual - I definitely *prefer* fade to black, but I'd much rather realistic sex to the sex scenes in most books. Like, I'd rather a scene to 2 characters slowly building up their foreplay instead of them going straight into it seemingly out of nowhere.

[@gajbooks]

The sequels to Arthur C Clarke's Rama were ruined by a mediocre author who somehow shoehorned sex into giant alien spaceships, so I'm of the opinion that sex scenes don't have much of a place in most fiction anymore. Romance? Emotional implications that may include sex? Sure. Bothering with actual scenes? Nah.

[@rango962]

Im Not Ace but For many Storys yes. However there are certein ones where it makes Sense. Like berserk when it basically evolves a character ark and Deals with trauma of the Main character

[@rishiii8t814]

I saw the prologue to a book that called IT a “honeypot” in full seriousness. Genuinely one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. (Also, hey fellow ace!)

[@1Heirborn]

The foreplay is the fight scene before the sex scene. Nothing glistens the gash like literal murder... 🤢

[@marocat4749]

Hey at least thats foreplay, and can be even erotic, and why so many slash ships between rivals exist. Fights dont have to be murder, they can be wrestling.

[@kita2361]

I once read the words “throbbing purple member” in a story 💀

[@AaronRotenberg]

Grimace has fallen on hard times since he left McDonaldland.

[@FancyTuna77]

@@AaronRotenberg nooooo I can't unsee this lmaoooo

[@Bookdragon11]

THAT sounds like someone who needs to go to the hospital 🤣🤣😅

[@CorinneA3]

@@AaronRotenberg the noise that escaped me after reading this was otherworldly.

[@Zivilin]

@@AaronRotenberg i was thinking Barney the dinosaur had fallen on hard times when i read OP's comment. 🤣

[@joelleblanc8670]

The Wheel of Time turns, and friends-with-benefits come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the friend-with-benefits that gave it birth comes again. And again...

[@mintleafbluesey]

the thumbnail had me wheezing

[@KohanKilletz]

List of 50 terms for male organs to use besides Member: 1: Weiner 2: Weewee 3: Peepee 4: Ding-a-ling 5: Dong 6: Sausage 7: Piece 8: Love gun 9: Noodle 10: Spear 11: pillar 12: obelisk 13: stick 14: one eyed trouser snake 15: prick 16: wonka bar 17: peanut 18: mini-me 19: baby maker 20: Coochie popper 21: devirginizer 22: the d 23: pocket rocket 24: tent post 25: Christmas tree in the un d 26: escape pod 27: super soaker 28: mushroom 29: ball faucet 30: type b plug 31: floppy disk 32: flash drive 33: insert n jerk stick 34: pointy end 35: carrot 36: black vegetable 37: king dong 38: sleazy weasel 39: drippy midget 40: man's master 41: chocococko 42: the answer to life the universe and everything 43: big pinky 44: finger 45: hand 46: willie conka 47: long Jon sliver 48: elagabalus' delight 49: something hard and warm 50: a hot meal

[@fangoram29]

"It doesn't come out glistening" not to be too graphic but I definitely have met men that do

[@modbz]

"It's not wearing a letterman jacket, okay. It's not a member of something." Not with that attitude.

[@ThatSayYou]

Lol when a man and women are able to climax at the same time is actually the most fantastical part of a fantasy book

[@o_o-lj1ym]

Facts

[@arcuscerebellumus8797]

Imagine describing how a man stoicly refuses to cum for half an hour (even though he could after 5 minutes into it) out of care for his lover and then can't do it for another 15 minutes after his partner climaxes thus torturing her/him.

[@ChristmasLore]

Y'all obviously need to work on your skills...

[@EdoDave]

"Sticky sticky funtimes" is now the only term I'll use or accept in any and all situations. Thank you.

[@Thetopnoobpro]

6:10 the upside down… You gotta admit that’s a good one

[@NSMoraes]

The sound of a heartbeat has a whole new meaning now. I'll never get that image out of my head. Thank you, Daniel. Jokes aside, this is the best KZbin video I saw this year...so far.

[@reidblanchard6453]

It’s also so subjective to the reader, so what is okay for some won’t be for others. That’s gotta be so hard

[@gabrielblanchard3921]

A year old, yes, but had to snapshot the comment "That's gotta be so hard" at the moment it has 69 (nice) likes

[@korgaupisc129]

I'm asexual, I would never write a sex scene. Am I still watching a goblin talking about them? Abso-fricking-lutely

[@lisa1703]

hello to my fellow ace 👋🏻

[@korgaupisc129]

@Lisa hi👋 wow, thats my first time meeting another asexual!

[@hell_crow9023]

Yeah same! LOL

[@lisa1703]

@@korgaupisc129 ou cool

[@idunnoalaska]

Asexual adjacent here.

[@collinwillsey354]

Though it barely dips into fantasy I think the Outlander books do a pretty good job with more explicit sex scenes. Mainly because the focus is often on the charectors' emotions and not just the act itself.

[@jesmiscellaneous8938]

1000% agree. Every sex scene in outlander (specifically for Claire & Jaime) has a purpose. Even Jamie’s trauma and they way Claire & Jaime reconciled afterwards through sex was done purposely and really hot

[@Ivielynn123]

Omg making the squishy noise with your mouth instead of saying sex was so hilarious. I laughed so hard

[@VoidLantadd]

That was an eerily accurate noise though...

[@Ivielynn123]

@@VoidLantadd wasn't it? Lmao!!

[@mirandajones7816]

This is the greatest example of comedy combos: the video being already hilarious and the comments sprinkling the extra it didn’t need but that is appreciated. I need to subscribe to this channel

[@eruiluvatar8963]

This is why Sanderson has my respect. He simply fades to black and let's the reader decide.

[@tineye5100]

There’s a lot more you can do via implication. And for my part, sexytimes isn’t why I’m reading fantasy.

[@eruiluvatar8963]

@@tineye5100 exactly my point. I read fantasy for the story, rather than the excitingly erratically written spicy scenes.

[@CharlieCaw]

"Men don't excrete glisten!" In this world they do, a wizard did it.

[@coracorvus]

"Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time"...

[@jonnie7891]

Classic

[@luka188]

Unironically better than writing about a glistening, throbbing member entering the love canal lol At least I can read such a sentence without a crippling urge to cringe to another dimension, and even get a chuckle out of it.

[@archlectoryarvi2873]

Yes Abercrombie has awkward sex scenes down to a science. His remain the only ones that have made me laugh but in a good way

[@Juan_Jose_Miraballes]

That time, in that abandoned shack. The most amazing thing was that it was only dialogs.

[@sentient.ball.of.stardust]

They're even better in audiobook form.

[@Juan_Jose_Miraballes]

@@sentient.ball.of.stardust Never listened any books. Gonna have to, because everyone praise the audiobooks of Abercrombie work.

[@depouille]

Haven't we all at one point been Logan in the shack? My performance won't be much better given I haven't touched another human in a year either

[@Juan_Jose_Miraballes]

@@depouille It's Logen for fuck sake!

[@babsikro1252]

As a medstudent I agree, if it glistens from the beginning before you even get started, a trip to the doctor would be indicated. And thank you for making me laugh so hard, I definitly needed that! That was a great break from studing.

[@Scarla2U]

Studing? 🤔🤣

[@carsonrush3352]

@@Scarla2U, The best timing for a typo.

[@HRZN-xj9um]

I find that it's best done when it's character-driven and advances the plot in some way. Depending on your charachters, this can be tough though. Adding tension to the event also makes it much much better. If it's not necessary to advance the plot or set the mood, then I wouldn't do it. You can instead allude to it with a kissing/talkjng scene in a bedroom and quickly switch to a new scene.

[@cadengrace5466]

Sad face, I clicked on this video because I thought it was going to have demonstrations and Daniel giving us visual cut scenes of his best re-enactment of the subject matter.

[@samuelleask1132]

That shirt is the happiest thing I’ve seen all week. Love you Daniel

[@TheYgds]

I remember the first time I read a sex scene in a book. I was fourteen and reading a Sci-fi novel I was recommended (Beowulf's Children if I recall). I was tipped off that the book was full of a lot of the stuff when nearly every character that encountered each other had inner monologues about how they stacked up in the "would I do her/him" list. Then the first scene showed up, barely a couple chapters in. I felt pretty guilty, especially when it made mention of "clasping the instrument of her pleasure" so I took it to my parents, dreading that I might be in trouble. My Mom made a point of reading the books me and my siblings read as well, so she'd know eventually. Mom read the scene silently and just said "yah..that's pretty bad". My Dad reclined back on the couch he was sitting on, held the book with a sense lounging drama and read it aloud, hanging on each word and gave "instrument of her pleasure" a good Barry White impression. I wasn't in trouble, we all just had a good laugh and I went and borrowed a different book from the library. Now in retrospect, I realize just how cringy that book was. I didn't make it that far into it, but dear goodness me, it was not top tier writing.

[@GloriousGeekery]

Oh god, I laughed so much. I really needed this. Not for the corrections in terminology and the like but for the frustration and creative attempts to say the do without point blanking it. You made my night Mr. Greene, hat's off to you.

[@SamasBananas1]

As someone who reads so much smut fanfiction, I have become well versed in the world of sex scenes

[@sol.f]

With my friends we used to call female genitalia "magic pockets" so we could talk about ... stuff in public without being weird. And now I desperately need to read some bad nsfw scene that uses that term. It would be Hilarious

[@kdnu27]

One of the worst metaphors for vagina I've ever seen in a book was "fragrant valley". But the best scene I can recall was in "The Name of the Rose" and it was composed of quotes from Bible (if I'm not mistaken).

[@augury2699]

The second hand embarssment of fucking "Love Canal" is unreal. I got literal chills just hearing that and not the good kind.

[@vastava]

Clive Barker writes some of the most BEAUTIFUL sex scenes that actually incorporates fantastic elements. Imajica is a really great read for this (obviously this is a very minor part of the larger story, lol. but it is a consistent thread that's hard to ignore since his writing is so great)

[@msmichellewinchester]

Did you just say it was "throbbing in the wind"? 😂 I am on the floor 🤣🤣🤣

[@fbfulton90]

I think the climaxing together gets used as a way of expressing the parties involved being so “connected” that they’re in harmony with each other. It gets used to express this pure moment of bliss between those involved and if that’s what you’re going tor as a writer that’s great. But that’s not how this always should work

[@iorodica]

You’re the only youtuber I don’t skip ads on and it’s because of content like this. Thank you sir.

[@vishnupriyaramesh1634]

This is the most I have laughed in a while... Keep it "coming"...!!! 😁

[@kerrissedai6857]

I died watching this.

[@Ismael-kc3ry]

Bruh

[@spartanarthus]

"If the guy is just excreting lube!" Has to be one of the funniest things I've heard in a while!

[@LONlG]

... As his glistening goblinoid member ravaged her cavernous love canyon...

[@OverthinkingConde]

The members of this comment section find so stimulating that you’ve decided to penetrate into the turgid mounts and plains of concupiscent storytelling…

[@simonholmqvist8017]

Omg that thumbnail! Absolutely amazing

[@spookyscaryunicorn1202]

Every fanfic writer in existence: Write that down WRITE THAT DOWN

[@spectre0586]

So I'm in the, people give me money and I give them fan fiction smut business, and I loved every second of this. Thank you, this was a serious treat!

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

This is simultaneously hilarious and also really good advice. Well done

[@maxxam4665]

The fact that no one ever mentions the awesome sex scene in a library written by Sapkowski in The Lady of the Lake makes me sad.

[@The_Khuzdul1]

That sex scene made me laugh uncontrollably, it was amazing

[@samanthaa.6055]

That was great

[@Kobi_89]

I generally like his sex scenes - a bit erotic, quite sensual, but not over the top. Or just funny.

[@dylangray9531]

This reminded me of a moment on audible when I left for like just a few minutes, long enough to forget where I left off in my book, and when I pressed play I was welcomed back with the sentence “oh Kelik, it’s like my asshole is a cauldron and you’re the twelve inch ladle.”

[@liamerasmus8592]

My favorite is "silk wrapped steel".

[@axelwulf6220]

I am guilty of some of these Like calling it a member But I'm attempting to write a fantasy of Sword and Sorcery, with a lot of sex going on Not exactly doing erotica, but I don't want the "Fade to Black" of these two bodies are hooking up for the first time (in the story) Maybe when they decid on a second round of experimental exploring would I cut away, but attempting to emphasize the physical attraction of the two (maybe even more) involved with coitus More or less, attempting to shatter the illusion that everyone is celebate, but not consumed by lust

[@egagnon714]

Oh man, this is exactly what I needed this morning, how to write *pancakes*

[@tracyrose4178]

Love what you did here! I skip over cringy sex scenes. I personally don't like characters suddenly flying at each other, knocking things over, ripping off clothes in two seconds, etc. I have, however, written sex scenes the way I like them, with slow, exploratory foreplay. I keep these to myself of course. They're personal fantasies and for my own enjoyment. In other writings I either skip it or fade. Also agree about the creative vocabulary. It is one reason I rarely read fanfic.

[@milou9258]

from now on it's not called smut but it's called sticky sticky fun time scenes

[@exosproudmamabear558]

Okay this was fun. I laughed a lot for some reason. Oh, I know the reason it is because all the ff's I read are like this. Also thanks for the tips, my next ff will not suffer from "members"

[@smuu1996]

In the story I'm working on rn one character is a sad virgin for 95% of the story. The scene where that changes is an mess of incompetence and dissappointmet, yet I'm still trying to make it romantic, kinda wholesome and nice. The poor lad went through a lot of shit and finally found somebody who likes him, that doesn't mean he's actually able to make his partner get off tho. And honestly, even if it's too spicy I don't really care, as long as the scene works and my characters grow the way they're meant to, I'm satisf-- happy.

[@JBear87]

Oh my god, I'm so glad I stumbled across your videos. I'm cracking up so much at this.

[@tsudinwarr8766]

Glistening skin was but one testament to the domination I beheld over the throbbing member in the letterman’s jacket. ~fade to black~

[@unnamedx2]

Breaking new ground for discussions in the community, i like that

[@BostonMBrand]

Stephen King is perhaps my least favorite writer of sex scenes, and I’m not just referring to the orgy scene from IT. He started out just doing fades to black, but his sex scenes just come off really awkward and sometimes they’re just way too long.

[@islandimus3370]

John Jakes writes the best sex scenes I've every read in any book, ever. Never too explicit, but descriptive enough to show the passion of such a scene. The perfect sex scene.

[@yanggang7]

I mean, I guess precum can make men "glisten" before things get started depending on how long they've been excited, and how intense the making out/petting/fondling has been. But yeah, it's still really awkward language anyway.

[@TheXtrafresh]

Don't be afraid Daniel, KZbin has been thrusting this rock-hard intrusion on decency deeper and deeper into the holy land of my love feed, bringing it all the way to the top. I tried to resist for as long as I could, but eventually i had to give in and allow you to penetrate my defenses and release your tensions and frustrations for eleven gushing minutes.

[@jenslingspaint3523]

This is simultaneous hilarious and absolutely awful. This is also a really good breakdown of how to not write horrible sex scenes. Thank you.

[@samgroarke4482]

I remember (I think) Daniel mentioning his experiences with anxiety/depression in one of his Stormlight videos, and I just want to say it's so good to see him be himself and be vibing and be happy about his upcoming book