How Often Should I Contact My Ex After No Contact?

Clay Andrews answers the question, "How Often Should I Contact My Ex After No Contact?"
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After a month of No Contact, a lot of us feel the need to rush and message our exes straight away, in fear that maybe they have forgotten about us, that they might have found someone else and so on.
In this episode, Clay Andrews discusses on what you should look out for before trying to contact your ex again.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.

[@ClayAndrews]

Thank you for watching this video. I hope you're having a good day and remembering to take it slow and be gentle with yourself. 2020 is one crazy year so far, and I'm sure that we're all feeling a lot of things. Take it slow and remember that you deserve to be loved for who you are.

[@michaelcole7359]

Your sound quality is getting better and I like that you have a sig theme in the beginning . Keep up the great work !

[@ClayAndrews]

Glad to hear it!

[@Letsdoit365K]

You are the best on entire YT! This is gold!

[@ClayAndrews]

Glad you think so!

[@stytchme2555]

@Clay Andrews Wish i bump into this video so i know what to say. I told him that, given the dynamic that we are having currently, i dont want him to end up dreading having to talk to me so i think we should go our separate ways and if in future we are still available and would like to try again we can. All he said was he will never feel that and if i still wana talk to him i can. The way he replies is like dreading it, not sure what he means that he will never feel it. I replied if he has an idea on how to improve or make our ineraction better, he has my support. We havent spoken since and i don't know if i should or what else can i do.

[@rajashetty9342]

I have seen your all videos really great what topic I am confused upload the same topics hope you will upload latest topics in future

[@ClayAndrews]

Some of the topics are updated since they were posted over the past years. It has to be current to meet the current times. :-)

[@jonerickcoronel742]

How do you go about this if the ex has an avoidant attachment style? Thank you.

[@faezahjumahat4196]

Hi Alex Good Morning From Singapore! How Long Does A Guy Takes To Drop A Hints Or Gives Him A Space After Doing No Contact? Can A Woman Calls Or Text To Check An Ex Boyfriend To Talks Or Communicate Better To Speaks To A Guy Who Is Shy Or Feels Anxious?

[@Danimal77]

Clay, this was an extremely helpful video, particularly the part about checking in with the other person and sort of setting realistic expectations. Essentially, keeping communication and dialogue open and being aware of each other's mental and emotional state and acting accordingly. I have been in no contact for 7 weeks. It's a little complicated, but something had occurred that put pressure on her at the very end and instead of her saying she needs some space, or letting me know that we should modify how we're interacting with one another, it was easier for her to cut and run. She was still willing to reply to my messages (but not have an actual conversation over the phone at the time), so I told her, no replies to my messages are needed or necessary and that we should take some space from each other to get our heads on straight and let some of the dust settle (advice I took from one of your previous videos). Well, 7 weeks later, I have not heard from her. I don't know if she's respecting what I had asked of her (my needing space as well), or if she's still in the same mindset that led her to cut and run and she's just merely sticking to her guns (her decision to cut contact). I will be reaching out soon to break the silence and hopefully build a new rapport with her, slowly and with as little pressure as possible. I am contemplating to either pick up a phone and call her, or send her a light and easy going text instead.

[@ClayAndrews]

Would you be more comfortable in testing the waters by sending a lighthearted message first? In that way, it won't put a lot of pressure on her as well.

[@cynthiab8377]

Clay Andrews good suggestion. But what if my ex only reads text but no replies and said he doesn’t want to talk in person?

[@arturo165]

This same team idea really works. You connect in different levels and develop rapport with them. Chances for a healthy relationship to develop are high. Do not overdo it. Keep it normal. Remember that you should be working on building a friendship not using a friendship to push your own agenda people who are low on the openness trait see through these moves easily.

[@ClayAndrews]

Happy to hear about your testimony. :-)

[@alaalfa8839]

Imagine someone starting a business or shop, with the mindset "Hard to get." :) If they are hard to get they hire a partner. If some do, its for a specific reason of the quality of the work, so only it attracts serious customers. But in general business they dont.

[@Khyati_zx]

Thanks for this video! Have been wondering how many times should I go for No Contact when I am swimming through Test Drive and Riding the dragon! I am going back and forth between these stages and they seem to be getting hot and cold.

[@yeuruuerueeheue]

same

[@chilloften]

Yea, my guy contact me about once a month. He had reported early may seeing someone new and it was going pretty good and that we should not get together. Then I moved and now he contact about once a month and I’m just warm & friendly as I have no idea what he’s thinking. Yet he tells me nobody serious at present. So idk... Personally I’d love to be back, and near his heart.

[@yeuruuerueeheue]

update

[@mimes420]

So my wife left me after a 12 year relationship on july 2nd,, 3 weeks later got in a rebound 2 weeks ago we started talking after no contact then a few days agoe they split up ive never mentioned the rebound one time and she hasnt either other than to say "im headed to drop someones stuff off" anyway i was applying too much pressure about going on a date or meeting for a kiss etc. And we had been in talks for her to move back home as roommates different rooms even but her 17 year old daughter told her she didnt want to come home so now shes second guessing it and stuck not knowing what to do,, and i think i pressured her a little to much that now she has been feeling pressure from everywhere, so ive backed off past 2 days but im not sure if i should try to just talk to her normally and not mention the roommate idea or dinner or anything anyone wanna give their opinion?

[@francispellerin5093]

Hey Clay, my ex gf has been texting me everyday since the last 9 days.She gives me updates about her trip in europe and asks questions even wished me a merry christmas. Yesterday i indirectly said i had improved on my communication because she felt i was different in the way i talk and ultimately, today she has not been really into texting and feels like she is taking her distances. should i take my distances and let her reach out ?

[@ohayo9575]

Why my ex keep sending links, instead of communicate as normal people? But so far we can communicate well, even from links.. It's like reading mind. He was doing counting mind game: 1week, 3days, now everyday as we doing good progress. Btw, we are in LDR. I was asking simple questions, and he just busy sending links. Not quite sure what is happening. Is he breadcrumbing with many ladies at the same times? While chatting, mostly we end up quarrel bcos he's talking about sex, which I have told him to respect our boundaries. He seems like to cross the boundaries many times. Help pls. Thanks

[@shanehere]

Every text and call is great and she even helps in keeping the conversations going, but I almost always have to initiate and it feels like we're plateauing in terms of progress in that regard despite every interaction being positive.

[@ClayAndrews]

Experiencing a plateau is normal. It happens in different situations and aspect. Practice present moment awareness as you may pick up something that might pique both of your interests.

[@joelsideco2947]

How are you so far?

[@yeuruuerueeheue]

update

[@elopez198725]

I'm at this stage! I contacted him twice in two weeks and he seemed receptive. I'm just trying to be supportive since he doesn't have a job at the moment and trying to grow as a person. How can I go about being there without doing too much?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Emma, make sure that you have defined your boundaries. Healthy boundaries are the things that you can do and cannot do as both of you are not in a relationship yet.

[@manongkalbofishing3341]

Never

[@japemail2722]

I'll contact him any dam time I please how's that !!😅✔️♥️

[@chadc63]

Hi Clay, Hey Brad, after a month and a half of no contact, i have initiated contact but when trying to set up a coffee date my ex girlfriend says she doesnt think its a good idea to meet up, what does this mean and how do i respond? Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[@DoubtingThomas333]

If they are cold to the idea, probably have somebody else who's blowing up their phone.

[@couldstrife1]

Don’t know why but when I’ve spoken with her it’s just feels awkward or to tense like neither of us really know what to do. I guess I just don’t know what to say or talk about as I feel I’ll lead it back to wanted to get back together

[@bartzeegers3663]

Wel i think this can work if your ex is receptive and interested. But my ex didnt wish me a happy birthday, nor christmas not newyears... So i don't want to look desperate. And she knows i want to work things out. The ball is in her court in my opinion.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Bart, this video can be applicable if you and your ex is starting to establish a level of conversation. If your ex is still at the wall of reactance stage, we have to focus on working on the Advanced Relational Skills.

[@kwmccabe]

Trying to figure out how often to contact my ex is really stressful. At times we feel super close, then sometimes he pulls away. I know he's talking to someone right now, so that's an added complication.

[@Tmason__]

Mines is in a relationship reached out to me after rebound cheated now my ex took them back and won’t talk to me

[@ClayAndrews]

It is just just about how often we contact our ex. Remove the thought of having a timeframe or schedule, instead practice present moment awareness.

[@arturo165]

Chances are Your ex is keeping you as a side girl. Do not allow this. He is keeping his options open and is up to you if you are happy to remain an option and not a priority. My daughter went through this and it broke my heart to see her cry over a guy that did not think she was the better choice.

[@yeuruuerueeheue]

update?

[@ReptilicaDayZ]

Hey Clay, how do you build the emotional connection of your ex if she is in a rebound. She is hot n cold on social media by blocking me, but the last interaction we had was to not contact her again.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Mike, remember that emotional connection is not about talking about our feelings or personal lives. But it is about being on the same page with the other person.

[@ReptilicaDayZ]

Clay Andrews okay thanks. I watch a lot of your videos and you always mention emotional connection being the most important thing. It just didn’t make sense because I thought you described it as conversation. Do you build emotional connection by working on yourself?

[@tradingpsychologyacademy2025]

6:50

[@Tmason__]

What if ex contacted you saying they miss you and wanted you in their life after rebound cheated on ex. Then Ex took rebound back now ex won’t talk to me?? Will the relationship last also?? They only been together since the end of July!!HELPPP

[@ClayAndrews]

Sounds like your ex is still emotionally confused on what to do on his relationships. One more that is glaring for me is that he still needs to sort his emotions out and probably focus on healing as well.

[@gemmahoang1162]

I tryed asking my ex that if I'm contacting him too much he gets annoyed for me even mentioning it or talking about our relationship etc ?

[@ClayAndrews]

That itself is something that you have to be mindful of. You have to remove being relationship focused but be mindful of your ex's emotions as well. This is where the Active No Contact that we talk about inside our Ex Solution Program would come in.

[@Sixheavensthedon]

Idk

[@gemmahoang1162]

Well my ex has got over me, even he still wants me in his life , cause we work well as friends. I want friends but I don't know how long for . We split up cause I could trust him and he thinks it best not to get bk together ever . but I am starting to trust more I talk to him most nights. what should I do?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Gemma, Just to verify, do you want to be friends with your ex but you don't know for how long, am I right?

[@gemmahoang1162]

@@ClayAndrews yes I just want it to be good show him it's fun be with me . last time we did go out , I wasnt over my older relationship b4. so I wasnt fully ready , but now i am .

[@darkshadow1396]

My Ex broke our first 1 month of no contact, every time we talk its like nothing has happened and we have great connection. I have contacted her 3 times since to talk again, she agrees but then "something" comes up, or she replies days later saying sorry she has been really busy. I just took this as a sign that she doesn't know how to tell me she doesn't want to talk. So I just stopped messaging and not sure what to do now.

[@ClayAndrews]

HI Ricardo, take it one step at a time. Focus on the quality of your interaction and not just on the quantity.

[@darkshadow1396]

@@ClayAndrews Thanks for the reply! And the quality of our conversations are really good, we laugh, flirt, talk about each other and more.

[@daveyy3804]

It's all good except if ur ex is a narc

[@ClayAndrews]

Narcissism can be a mental health concern. Is it something that you can accept from your ex or will it be a dealbreaker for you?

[@keithc198942]

Should still do it if she’s in a rebound relationship? I feel like she won’t even respond to me

[@DoubtingThomas333]

You get one chance, per woman, per lifetime.

[@bethelbethlehem3001]

Great Video!! Sir, I have a question. Me and my ex were contacting this past few months. But I go no contact again now bec. I found out that he was lying to me. He keeps on telling me that he doesn't have commu. anymore with this girl he left me for. (btw, he said he still loves me, and dont want to lose me) But I was anxious, paranoid, and needy bec. I have this intuition that they are still talking. I also have a fault in this part bec. I stalked the girl and found out that her new cover photo was the same photo my ex sent to me when he went to the mountain. I feel fooled. That is why I tried to call him at that time to get some answers but he was avoiding me. I said to him, it would be my last commu. to him. Its been 10 days now. What will I do, sir? I miss him. 😢

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Bethel, there is nothing wrong missing the person but you have to look into your personal values as well and see if what happened is something that you have accept and forgive or is a deal-breaker for you.

[@bethelbethlehem3001]

@@ClayAndrews thank you so much sir.

[@Krixpps]

What about if they keep contacting you once a week despite you needing space? They also have a new rebound so why keep contact??

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Kurcei, you can check this video as this may answer your particular question >> kzbin.info/www/bejne/jobYnp6ros2DrJY

[@DoubtingThomas333]

They're keeping you as a backburner. Want to maintain connection etc

[@ElevatedCultivator]

every situation is different I change it up ..doing that gets her reaching out surprisingly lmfao women are so much like cats