How Rebecca Humphries Found Her Voice | Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani

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Season 2 of Navigating Narcissism premieres on March 16th!
Rebecca Humphries had just celebrated her birthday when her world turned upside down. Pictures of her boyfriend and his dance partner were leaked in the media, as they were competing in the popular show, Strictly Come Dancing. While Rebecca was utterly heartbroken, overwhelmed by news outlets and a heartless boyfriend, she decided to rise above it. Rebecca stood her ground, spoke her truth, and was able to overcome her abusive relationship and independently move on with her life. Listen to this episode and learn how Rebecca's tragedy turned out to be the best thing that happened to her life and career.
I want to hear from you, too. Have a toxic topic you want me to explore? Email me at [e-mail]. I just might answer your questions on air.
Guest Bio:
Rebecca Humphries' first book 'Why Did You Stay? A memoir about self-worth' became an instant Sunday Times bestseller in July 2022. As an actress, she has played Carol Thatcher in 'The Crown', and stars in 'Ten Percent' - the UK remake of the smash French series 'Call My Agent'. She recently wrapped a performance in the play Blackout Songs at London’s Hampstead Theatre.
Guest Information:
Rebecca Humphries’ Instagram - @beckshumps
Rebecca Humphries’ Twitter -@beckshumps
Rebecca Humphries’ Book: Why Did You Stay?
Her book is available at Barnes & Noble, Bookshop.org, and Amazon.
This podcast should not be used as a substitute for medical or mental health advice. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical advice, counseling, and/or therapy from a healthcare professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issue, or health inquiry, including matters discussed on this podcast.
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Executive Producer & Host: Dr. Ramani Durvasula
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Narcissists are everywhere and these days it seems like everyone has at least one in their lives! Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, will help you spot red flags and heal from the narcissist in your life. Every Thursday, we will hear first-hand accounts from people who know this territory the best, the survivors.
New episodes weekly on iHeartRadio.
#NavigatingNarcissism #NavigatingNarcissismPodcast #DrRamaniPodcast #NavigatingNarcissism #NavigatingNarcissismDrRamani #NavigatingNarcissismPodcastDrRamani #DrRamaniPodcast #DrRamanNarcissismPodcast

[@Testimonials843]

I just googled her quickly, and apparently, it happened on HER birthday! I was like, "Of course! It had to be on HER birthday!"

[@idid138]

Every dang holiday has to have it's own special crisis.

[@sharonryder3655]

Rebecca, you are an inspiration. Dr. Ramani you are a life saver. From a survivor, not a victim.

[@jenniferdobransky5240]

Thank You so much Dr. Ramani, you've helped tremendously!❤️

[@Sckvictor]

Fear is one of the main factors that keeps us in these relationships. You completely lose your sense of self by all the gaslighting, therefore, the fear of being alone is completely crippling. Dr. Ramani, these podcasts are truly helpful for us as survivors. Thank you very much!!

[@francesbernard2445]

I hate to admit it but after all I have gone through some people are wondering why I have no fear of death. Nothing could be further from the truth. Coercive control is so cunning, baffling and mysterious that kind of situational fear is better described as feeling fear about staying and fear about leaving too. I feel grateful in a way to one psychiatrist, not the British born psychiatrist who told me my domestic violence injuries after landing in hospital in the way I was not healing from it fast enough according to him that meant according to him that I have to remain on psychiatric drugs for the rest of my life and that it would probable be beneficial for me to sign up for a medical drug research program in hopes of me to find a cure. Later I went to a different specialist instead for help during my first marriage which was far worse in order to get through that try of mine at parenting my own biological children while keeping them land me alive too while being told that was the only way possible I could. Only because he said, "I admire you for having the courage to stay for the sake of your children and when you find the right time to leave with them then you are being courageous parent for doing that too." That psychiatrist saw my taking the initiative of weaning myself off of those drugs by myself as a good thing because while I was doing so when returning to his office once a week he did notice I was looking a lot better. I did leave with our children however since a lot of people already witnessed me struggling with tremor side effects from now obsolete psychiatrics drugs the only work I could find was doing housework for people while going back to university again. That meant the courts would decide I did not have enough income on my own to ever properly parent our children. My second husband while representing himself in court once reminded the judge that I am Indigenous. Very odd because later I was told by one of his cousins that his mother was too instead of being a pure white English woman. Was that because he was hoping that judge then would wonder if I am alcoholic or what? If so would he have believed that women can make mistakes too? At any rate he wasn't the first judge that husband dragged me in front of during that divorce and he must not have been that impressed by that while refusing to take joint custody of our infant children away from me.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@francesbernard2445thank you for your post, I’m reading this is the early hours, and connecting. I feel asleep and somehow this podcast reached me on KZbin and I woke. Please read Don Hennessy’s book. Steps to Freedom. He has two other books also I hope others women read your post and my response. Don Hennessy speaks to us all.

[@aprilwilcox5065]

I needed this podcast today as I'm spending my last full day in the house with my husband.... Even now I'm second guessing myself as I'm finishing up my packing Rebecca is telling my story as she tells the same senecios and emotions that Ive experienced and she has given me the strength to know I'm doing the right thing and I will survive. BTW I'm taking all 5 cats

[@sunnyadams5842]

Hope you were able to follow through. R u ok?

[@aprilwilcox5065]

@@sunnyadams5842 yes it's a very emotional day for me.... I have had my notifications shut off on my phone for 2 years... My husband freaks if I use my phone and I came downstairs after a bad nightmare last night and he must have been listening for my door.... I opened my phone and he was 5 seconds behind me so I quickly shut it off and said to myself... This is the last time that will ever happen.... I afraid of the unknown but at least my stomach won't churn every time I hear or see him coming

[@sunnyadams5842]

@@aprilwilcox5065 Oh Boy!! You Are in deep aren't you? Sounds as if you've got a live one there. A True Blue Narc, I call that variety. You are doing the single best thing you can un that situation . Do you have a safe place to go? Or are ya winging it in a wish and a prayer and tuppence? Either way is fine. Keep celebrating those ' Last Time' moments. Know it'll get hard. Harder than you ever thought you might withstand- but, hun, you Will! You will shock yourself. Pleasantly. You sound determined and organized which are two key components for success in your current mission. I have great faith in you. Keep it moving. And keep us posted, my dear. Best of Luck today. One day at a Time. You Got This!!

[@aprilwilcox5065]

@@sunnyadams5842 I bought a house in the state I came from .. getting far away

[@sunnyadams5842]

@@aprilwilcox5065 excellent 💜

[@CandiceLawless-li4fd]

This is almost exactly the same experience I have in my relationship. It's good to have someone else voice their experience and to see all the similarities and to know that it's not just me. It's been an up and down roller coaster to say the least. I'm always the one that's crazy, and I was the one causing all the problems, while he was the problem, but would just gaslight me to keep his innocence. I thought I was going insane. Until I also discovered the truth, and it was like my brain went back to default like how Rececca says it. I have come a long way in my process of healing. It's more difficult when I still have to stay in this relationship, I still feel stuck in the trauma bond, but I'm getting there, day by day.

[@abbisneezer]

Just finished Rebecca's book. Loved the section where she stepped out of the story and talked to the reader. Plus, the added section at the end. WOW! I was married to my Him for 23 yrs. Figured it out (with help), jumped into a male dominated high demand religion. Figured that out after 10 yrs. I've been on my own for 3 yrs. now. No longer a victim, but not a survivor yet. Thank you both for helping me understand.

[@mnop1774]

I loved Rebecca's book and lived my own version of this nightmare. If I hadn't found Dr Ramani's book, who knows how long I'd have remained in that horrific relationship. I'm forever grateful. Painful lesson but I got my life back. Dr. Ramani's work was key and once I started putting the pieces together, it all made complete sense. It's been an education and I am forever changed.

[@sarahmurphy-nf4yl]

I have a sibling in a very controlling relationship. Their partner uses my sibling as enabler to let them abuse others...my father put it so well when he said his adult child is in a 'ONE MAN CULT and the cult leader is the spouse of my sibling. BEST description of these toxic narcissists take-over the mind of what were jnce decent naive human beings. I was in same relationship but got out eventually.

[@KittyQueenMeow]

Thank you both for this podcast. It was very educational, real, relatable, scary and yet so empowering and positive! I am so grateful to both of you for this 🙏🏼

[@onlyonce1707]

I followed this story during the Strictly programme. I so admired Rebecca when she tweeted the truth of her situation.

[@insiteandawareness3500]

I had the same exact experience with not taking my needs seriously and in those moments I could have known it was a red flag coming up but I ignored it or distracted myself somehow and continued in the abusive relationship until I had to literally run away from my abuser.

[@Ash-gj2lf]

Dr Ramani, you are beautiful inside and out 🙌🏼

[@DeirdreCL]

Anyone who's ever been gaslighted in a relationship should listen to this interview - it's amazingly insightful!

[@georgefield6890]

Dr. Ramani for President! Can you imagine how better the world would be with a sage, empathetic, erudite person in charge! We can dream at least.

[@DeborahOlander]

I recognize so much in all these podcasts. I'm glad you are out there educating folks. It's almost impossible to recognize narcissistic red flags when you were raised by one. It's just what love looks and feels like. Wait! What?! We're supposed to have a voice and boundaries? NO WAY! It's a long journey to feel we are enough and we deserve to be treated like the amazing people we are.

[@James-bc2oh]

What a brave great lady gaslighting has been a big factor in all my relationships couldn't figure out why I was always feeling that I was in the wrong when in reality I was always right🌹

[@Lisa-of3kq]

OMG!!! IT'S AS THOUGH YOU BOTH ARE TALKING ABOUT MY STORY! I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS PODCAST! I HEAR FREEDOM RINGING!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!! ❤

[@stregalilith]

She had her self respect-AND the cat! She walked away with the best of the relationship ❤🎉

[@notaclue822]

Rebecca is a pleasure to listen to. Her appreciation of the real love she got from friends and family after the fact is really inspirational. She really blossomed after she got past it. I can't wait to read the book.

[@cynhofer6915]

Dr. Ramani. You have been the shining light through the fog and darkness. You gave me the knowledge and with understanding I ventured towards a path to leave, followed by one of healing and thriving. Rebecca, Thank you for having the gumption to hit post. This podcast was the first I heard of your story. Listening to you, it brought me back to where I was and how far I have come. Thank you for your voice and commitment. Many of us feel alone or walked away alone, your authentic truth is the validation and resilience that we needed to hear. Thank you both for being an example of how women can truly impact the world.

[@victoriousjoy9338]

I think that Hans C.A. did understand what he was writing. Many of the old authors were keen observers of human nature and they wrote their stories to elucidate some truth. Dr Ramani, I love your commentary on people's stories because they are so insightful! ❤ As a survivor of an extremely devious narc who tried repeatedly to kill me, these stories give hope for our future and context for our chaotic, and almost unbelievable past.

[@AishaJordan]

I'm so glad she found her voice!!

[@mg79277]

Thank you so much for this podcast with Rebecca my story exactly. I so needed this. I can’t believe how covert narcissism looks the same and feels the same whether your just the average person or famous. Incredible

[@donzybid]

Love the courage, strength and honesty shared to sine the light on the harm caused through toxic relationships! We do need to look for opportunities to advocate for the need to recognize emotional abuse and articulate how gaslighting causes so much devastation and harm! Inspiring to know others are speaking about it!

[@lumenesque1]

An excellent session on narcissism. Thank you both 🌻

[@aprilwilcox5065]

I'm only a couple minutes into this podcast.... Rebecca's story is like my story.... The trips, the gifts the romance About 3 weeks into dating he was telling me to quit my "go nowhere" job, selling my family farm and coming to another state to live with him I believed him because he was a widower that had been married for 35 years before his wife had passed away.... I'm thinking that if his only marriage had lasted 35 years then he must be a good person 3 months later we were married and within 2 weeks, my world started to change.... I was no longer heard, I started to become isolated and it's has gone downhill from there with all the same situations Rebecca went through

[@osajohnson1957]

It’s heartbreaking and maddening, but it’s never too late to cut your losses. You can compose a life again, a little tattered but buoyed with hard won wisdom. We have your back. You got this.

[@susanmcmahon4733]

OMG well well done Rebecca, been through EXACTLY the same and TOTALLY ADMIRE YOUR STORY and the COURAGE to SPEAK OUT AND ALSO YOU DOOOooo DESERVE SOOOO MUCH BETTER, GOT TOTAL INSPIRATIONAL FROM YOU, THANK GOD you got out and WISH YOU ALL THE BEST, sending Lots and lots of LOVE.

[@sarahmurphy-nf4yl]

Thank uou Rwbecca for your honesty.. so helpful. Thank you Dr Ramani loving these pod casts. Big fan of your work.

[@petrakosic]

Thank you for sharing this story. I understand so much better what happened to me.

[@sandracaezza7234]

Once again so unbelievably helpful. Finding my voice these days. Thank you ladies. I will listen again. Sent on to my therapist also.

[@cc1k435]

I remember the fallout from the whole Strictly situation, and I am glad to see that Rebecca has come out the other side so well. I realize that I've been wondering how she was, and I thank God it hasn't been a public outing with my narc in the tabloids. 😢❤

[@gabyalcazar7609]

Thank you soooo much for sharing your amazing story. I kept getting body chills when you read your public statement it was so eloquent and just perfect ….. 😊

[@bereal6590]

These are amazing, she is incredibly insightful AND her experiences can be translated into any narc toxic relationship such as with a parent,family member, friend etc... The part where you live in it waiting for them to shine their light back on you, to get that feeling of love back BUT all the time it's conditional on their needs!

[@millyday]

OMG! Exactly! Money was an addictive personality! 16yrs I was married in that fog! Therapy and 12 step programs have been my life saver! Thank you for sharing!

[@jillhughes9009]

Omg my first marriage! Add having a baby to the mix and trauma is next level.

[@petespuppy2491]

This was a phenomenal podcast thank you both so much!❤

[@EveningTV]

With the relationship moving so fast at the start how come they went years without getting married? So lucky as divorce and coparenting are hell on Earth.

[@sandrasoto933]

Thank you. Thank you to the both of.. Dr. Ramani for the awesome interview. Rebecca for your story down to the mermaid. I never knew that. Thank you ladies❤❤

[@kingfarouk3468]

I love Rebecca. She is adorable.

[@WhistleblowingGoodWitch]

Exceptional🎉❤ Bless Dr. Ramani and Rebecca Humphries

[@osajohnson1957]

Dr. R - Your amazing intellect, etal, voice is exhalted in this format.

[@meseretmimi3792]

I have listen this and I can see my past relantioship. I love this knowledge

[@bereal6590]

She is brilliant, I so like her after hearing this. How dare he say where are you sleeping! Stuff that, where was he gonna be sleeping! She is a million times more worthy than him

[@D1C2]

Hearing the way Rebecca started her first and second long time relationship, I think she was reached by Karma and is now playing the Madonna. She was both the "other woman" to the wife of the first bf and the cheating person because she started the second relationship when she was with the first bf. Of course, she doesn't see any problem in this and complains about the second bf who does the same things as she did in the past.

[@sarahmurphy-nf4yl]

HOLD ON!!!BLAME Rebecca... (who was a young girl for the 1st relationship..). BUT 'ZERO' ACCOUNTABLITY FOR THE MEN TO HAVE BLAME..??? Are you then a 'PATRIARCHAL WOMAN' yourself perhaps? Sounds like that...??!! 😠

[@sarahmurphy-nf4yl]

That comment sounds very patriarchal. Blame the woman...the man takes NO responsibility.

[@EMPANAO321]

​@@sarahmurphy-nf4yl if u switch the genders is still "karma" even tho I hate that term

[@cc1k435]

Who knows what those guys were telling her, though. This looks like the time she may finally have learned what she needed to learn about herself. I say this as someone who's been in more than one narc relationship and swore I'd figured it out each time. The lesson just gets more difficult with higher stakes each time until you do.❤

[@audbod4140]

Yeah Sean has a lot of flying monkeys on social media, desperately trying to rebuild his reputation

[@AAXS-op1vo]

Not ready yet but boy Dr. R, if you heard MY story, you would trip out again. This is a great conversation and needs to be had. All I can say is be GLAD you didn’t MARRY and bear children with him. You escaped with most of your life still your very own. When you marry one and stay married for a very long time and bear young, it is a far more awful and traumatic scenario. So many other close people involved, entire worlds of innocents being torn asunder . . . it is a HOT MESS.

[@Deb501]

A narcissistic comedian dishing out gaslighting and abuse. I can’t even imagine how awful the experience was. And I am a long term narcissistic abuse survivor and yeah I still can’t imagine.

[@idid138]

Him being a comedian probably definitely complicated the matter. "I was just joking!" & also he probably did make her laugh a lot, which would be release from all the other 💩.

[@mp7140]

The question "Where will you sleep tonight? " is tipicli narcisistic so cold no remorse. Thay have to ruin all important ocasions in your life.

[@julieanderson7560]

How about the abuse felt very familiar. Like this this is what communication is. I saw with this noticing that this disregard of my intuition the disregard of my voice was exactly exactly my mother and the sister I thought was my ally

[@danielborrowdale3903]

Like most the red flags were there early on but you make it right in your head lie to yourself which is the most damaging thing to do to yourself. Self abuse and loss of self-respect.

[@Poppy-yx8js]

I don’t have a cheater situation or a narcissist.

[@janegreen191]

Shame this isn't live.

[@haPPySundAy970]

❤

[@Jess-kn8vl]

What do you think of people that are openly and publicly degrading to their spouse, mother, kids and friends? I know someone like this, and because they were so blunt and I always knew where they stood on things I felt safer. There was no waiting for the shoe to drop. But as time went on I was being disrespected, like she was using being blunt and "real" as an excuse to bully. The last straw was when she got mad at her 8 year old in public and was yelling and spanking him and I froze. There were at least 20 witnesses. I feel at a crossroads where I need to report this? There is no reasoning with her she is on energy drinks, alcohol and adderall. Its a forced acquaintance through our kids sports. I have had to avoid places because her voice is now triggering! If it were the 60s she would prob be involuntarily commited or put on the front lines to win the war. Its THAT bad.

[@idid138]

Triangulation. She is bringing other people in on the abuse as witnesses to normalize it. See something then say something. Someone needs to advocate for her kid.

[@millyday]

❤ it. I'm not sorry I took the dog!

[@sarahmurphy-nf4yl]

The dog was BETTER than the man. Dogs are totally LOVING and LOYAL. So you won the best in the end. Well done. 💕

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

🙏

[@francesbernard2445]

Dr. Ramani if you read the tabloids on a regular basis did you ever see that one tabloid which published a picture of my second husband with his father showing him carrying a rifle with the caption, "Man blind as a bat gets a hunting license?" -That pair was my second husband and his father while I was still married to him. His father when he heard about it was feeling so angry about being called bind as a bat. However none of that worried any of the Canadian experts on child care specific to children of divorce at all later when I was divorcing him when he was arrogantly demanding full custody of our infant children in retaliation for me leaving with them. While that husband of mine had dual citizenship both in the U.S and Canada. After while he was on again off again later soon after both were born about the idea of divorcing me when I had had enough of his emotional abuse after he ended up with post concussion syndrome because of a workplace injury had started to border on the physical too towards all 3 of of us by the time our second child was born - Then right after I said okay lets divorce then - He right away after I left with our children to stay in a woman's shelter it was then he demanded full custody of our 2 infant children while accusing me of kidnapping them as being the biggest reason as to why he was filing for divorce while I was still in that women's shelter not able to find any lawyer to help me file for a legal separation or for a divorce. Why is it that he had no problem finding a lawyer to do the same for him while he was retaliating for me leaving him?

[@endlessunivese9350]

whish i can meet Ramani in real life than not just KZbin my life would be complete just the girl i want me alone all by myself cant do it some day it could happen i have a strong system too matches my human system

[@endlessunivese9350]

don't be sorry Ramani you have a reason

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Don Hennessy’s book Steps to Freedom

[@cardisea]

If I saw YOU - I'd be star struck !

[@rachelsimbhu3965]

Me too

[@scarletohara6743]

please take the music out of the conclusion. it is really distracting to a great interview.

[@karenlouise2156]

No sex before marriage! Actually, if you're just dating you don't have a relationship. Ancient wisdom. Sorry for your troubles.

[@seanneenan138]

It could have been worse, he could have made a show where he makes fun of how he mistreated his girlfriend.... oh no, wait! he actually did! what an idiot!

[@007nadineL]

*MAYBE IF WOMEN DID THE NYC RULES FROM SHERRIE AND ELLEN THEY CAN PROTECT YOURSELF.* .

[@camadams9149]

5:53 You were with someone else at the time? So you deserved it. Here's the deal: I demand Im treated in the way I treat others. I expect people to treat me how they treat others. The former gives me the moral legitimacy to make demands. The latter lets me predict if people will meet those demands. You left your partner for a shiny new thing. It is only fair you are treated the same way The shiny new thing was willing to engage in that shady behavior. It is only to be expected they engage in other shady behavior Don't know what to tell you hun. You certainly got what was coming to you. Learn from it and act better in the future

[@user-jc8py7dw7r]

I love Dr Ramani so much.

[@bigladybigfeet9728]

Too many adverts

[@sugarsnap1000]

Her story and mindset at the time is similar to mine.

[@francesbernard2445]

Dr. Ramani if you read the tabloids on a regular basis did you ever see that one tabloid which published a picture of my second husband with his father showing him carrying a rifle with the caption, "Man blind as a bat gets a hunting license?" -That pair was my second husband and his father while I was still married to him. His father when he heard about it was feeling so angry about being called bind as a bat. However none of that worried any of the Canadian experts on child care specific to children of divorce at all later when I was divorcing him when he was arrogantly demanding full custody of our infant children in retaliation for me leaving with them. After while he was on again off again later soon after both were born about the idea of divorcing me when I had had enough of his emotional abuse after he ended up with post concussion syndrome because of a workplace injury had started to border on the physical too towards all 3 of of us by the time our second child was born - Then right after I said okay lets divorce then - He right away after I left with our children to stay in a woman's shelter it was then he demanded full custody of our 2 infant children while accusing me of kidnapping them as being the biggest reason as to why he was filing for divorce while I was still in that women's shelter not able to find any lawyer to help me file for a legal separation or for a divorce. Why is it that he had no problem finding a lawyer to do the same for him while he was retaliating for me leaving him?