How Resilience Breaks Us Out of Our Vulnerability Cage | Taryn Stejskal | TEDxValparaisoUniversity

When we tell our resilience story, two powerful things happen:
1. We deepen our own resilience when we share our resilience story generously with others so
they can learn the lessons of our experience vicariously.
2. We role model vulnerability, encouraging ourselves and others to not be held hostage by the
fear of being vulnerable, and instead, to step forward in vulnerability, breaking out of our
vulnerability cages Dr. Taryn Marie is the #1 international expert on resilience, in both leadership and life, whose mission is to positively impact the lives of 1 Billion people, through the concepts of resilience, by 2030. She is recognized as a leading global authority on resilience, wellbeing, and mental health. Dr. Taryn Marie is the Founder and Chief Resilience Officer (CRO) of Resilience Leadership Institute (RLI) and believes that resilience is the key to individual and organizational actualization and acceleration across the globe. By leveraging over a decade and a half of original research on resilience, she developed the empirically based framework, The Five Practices of Particularly Resilient People. Prior to founding RLI, she served as the former Head of Executive Leadership Development & Talent Strategy at Nike, as well as Global Leadership Development at Cigna. Dr. Taryn Marie is a sought-after, trusted advisor for executives, athletes, leaders, musicians, and actors, and individuals from all industries who are looking for an edge by way of understanding and harnessing their inherent resilience. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@idreamtranslator1]

"Challenge, change & complexity", I like how she pulls this together with vulnerability.

[@phillipnorris3rd]

me too

[@iamnotjustintrudeau7850]

It's a wonderful talk to share DT!

[@phoebec232]

Only a woman could do that DT!

[@suebakernottly]

Love this so true

[@gabekilljoy]

Thanks for the link, and yes the 3 C's are the key...

[@juniorjensen]

I'm so amazed by the fact that this woman was ever able to feel safe again, let alone work through the trauma to become a well adjusted human who wants to help others in such a personal way. Just... wow.

[@tellmystory9488]

agree!

[@virgillopez5889]

We often think that showing our vulnerability is a sign of weakness when actually, it's a foundational practice of resilience

[@joemurray1664]

resilience is the essence of what it means to be human, and this is a really important area in this field that is so catastrophically misunderstood

[@barrywells2020]

resilience and vulnerability to psychopathologies have been suggested to depend on the early background

[@melindarichardson9342]

Resilience (is our ability to adapt and bounce back when things don't go as planned.

[@woodychuck]

This definitely has made me contemplate a few things in my life and I appreciate having come across Taryn's talk here. Needs to be watched through.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Hi Woody, I am glad to appreciated coming across the talk and that it give you reason for contemplation. I am grateful you’ve invited others to watch it all the way through!

[@woodychuck]

@@dr.tarynmarie1729 wow, thanks for replying, so cool!

[@viccromtron]

Woody! thanks finally watched!

[@onurgalbas]

Me too I get this.

[@woodychuck]

@@onurgalbas cool

[@billy-martin]

I realised I don't have to have all the answers with no need to freeze by not knowing what to do. Routine keeps me present as its too easy to get stuck in thought. Turning resistance into resilience and a 'just get on with it' self cheer works for me.

[@erikashik]

As long as we aren't projecting our own experiences on others, assuming how we see life is how it actually is for others.

[@dotheyrock8637]

Its a good concept for sure.

[@NICHAYONTARARAK]

Definitely well said, we have different kind of resiliency. And assuming how we see life is how it is for others is fine as long as we aren't projecting our own experiences on others.

[@Iam-ok7oc]

I do completely agree with you. Keeping moving will help us no matter what. Thank you.

[@Adrian_Ciupe]

That was great, indeed.

[@gazioktay441]

This talk was pretty tough to get through but I think that ties in to the whole point she's making here. It can be tough to sit and listen to someone's trauma when we don't know how to respond. But if we face that with openness and an ability to express our own vulnerability it creates understanding, empathy and kindness. All of which we quite desperately need at this time

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

I really appreciate your perspective and how your experience feels very “meta” to having the actual experience of hearing my resilience story while I talk about the importance of sharing and bearing witness to others resilience stories! ❤️🙌🏻

[@bjdogg]

It breaks my heart that so many women have a similar story that began as a child or adolescent.

[@westhalbrook2472]

When faced with trauma I agree most people would respond with either "fight, flight or freeze" instinctive behaviours hardwired in us.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Yes, exactly. These initial responses can save our lives. However, overtime they are not adaptive, and we get to cultivate other skills and behaviors!

[@bethanybutzerthesurfer]

Lots of people have unbelievably heartbreaking trauma stories and most of them are people you would never expect.

[@riciphariss107]

Resilience will always be important, because in life there will always be setbacks.

[@jacetorence]

Definitely can break us out of our cage but there is something to be said about knowing when to reserve your energy and when to face the things that confront us the most.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Indeed! agree!!!!

[@leotencall]

What she talks about around the 9:00 mark is seriously knowledge that everyone should have.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you, Leo!!!

[@jonathanvallers]

I can definitely understand how sharing your trauma makes other people feel safe to do the same thing, but in doing that, you're still being so vulnerable, there is no guarantee as to how that person will respond.

[@briannavantifcampen]

Taryn is a woman who has truly looked within herself and opted for growth in the face of trauma. What a force

[@sonyakirby]

It takes a lot of courage and yes - vulnerability, or rather, willingness to display vulnerability - to be able to go there with some people.

[@juanwafford]

There is something really empowering about being honest about the instances in life that change our views, our security - instead of hiding away out of shame.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

I couldn’t agree more! Shame, unworthiness, lack, and pain all run rampant in the darkness of not sharing. Bringing them into the light allows us to shake free of their hold and see our stories and ourselves in a new light!

[@immayasass]

I always feel a bit self-critical when I share stories about trauma, so I appreciate Taryn's perspective here.

[@averyrothschild]

"Vulnerability, as it turns out, instead of being the opposite of resilience, it's the cornerstone of resilience." 💯💯💯

[@graysonmyles]

A clear-calm mind within acceptance is what I think everybody wants. There is graciousness that comes with it, a silence of the mind with quiet focus. This speaker has this and listening to her is very calming.

[@surut7825]

I think this is going over some peoples heads. The whole point is that as you share your own story you are both stepping out of the 'vulnerability cage' and into your own sense of power through allowing yourself that vulnerability.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Suru, so succinctly said! Thank you!

[@noahjerted]

I've had an experience very much like this woman though far less severe... the feeling of being so vulnerable and exposed in what is meant to be your ultimate safe place is one of the hardest things I've ever had to recover from. I can not commend this woman enough for the emotional and mental labour she must have done to get past it.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you, Noah. I feel seen and understood by what you shared and how my talk resonated with you. This. Is. Exactly. It. It’s taken decades to learn and grow and rehabilitate, and sometimes it comes back up for me. Thank you for being here with me in this journey!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you. Your words, empathy, and understanding mean so much to me! Yes, it’s been a difficult road, and I am grateful I get to share my journey in service of supporting others now!

[@charlottewebbnotthebook]

There is a real obsession with ‘sharing your truth’ ‘being vulnerable’- yes, it has its place and can be healing for you and the listener. But what I believe the world really needs is to be taught to LISTEN to the stories and experiences that people share. No point in talking if no one is capable of listening.

[@thisislife8931]

so true, thanks for sending to me!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

I love your point about both telling and listening!

[@jeffgoldygold]

Our perfectionist driven world means we hide the most important parts of our humanity, not only from other but also from ourselves.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

I could not agree more, Jeff!!! There is such a high standard to have it all together, and the pressure to be perfect is exhausting, and often detrimental, because it cuts us off from being truly real with others!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Yes to everything you said here!

[@justineberne]

I'd be interested to hear Taryn's thoughts on holding trauma in our bodies... She's certainly experienced and worked through enough of it to know.

[@austinjay9486]

I was so shocked by her story. I know that sort of thing happens all the time but I just really wasn't expecting that to be where the story went.

[@tarasuppleton]

me too

[@agathachristie7253]

I will show this video to my brother who needs a little more resilience in life

[@theluisquinn]

“We all will face our own moments of challenge, change and complexity”. This is a truth that runs very deep

[@jodikennedy8886]

Thanks, I get it too!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Dang! Yes. So well encapsulated!!!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Yessss! Right? This has resonated deeply for me. I am glad to hear this spoke to you as well.

[@henryhunterthenobleone]

I have found the generational gap to be the biggest issue when sharing resilience stories - there are certain pockets of people who no matter what will always go by "keep calm and carry on"

[@jaxstub]

For me, Covid 19 provided such a valuable lesson in what it means to be on the frontline of society. Talk about resilience and vulnerability on a daily basis. Really, in this light I have no problems except for the ones I choose to hold on to.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Jax, what an incredible perspective. I really appreciate you’re looking at life now!

[@lauralegault]

I appreciate the perspective behind sharing our vulnerabilities and it would be great if we could help each other and support each other as we unravel in order to find our peace.

[@bridgettemsanders]

KZbin won't let me use the kind of words I want to express how I'm feeling but she is definitely the right person to be talking about resilience.

[@thisislife8931]

haha, you must have impure thoughts!

[@bridgettemsanders]

@@thisislife8931 just a few lol

[@alanwoopchuck]

It wasn't until I started going to a men's group did I realise just how important vulnerability is and the strength it can add in my day to day life. Really appreciate this one Taryn, will be sharing with my group.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you, Alan. I am honored that this was meaningful to you and that you plan to share with your group.

[@pennjteller]

The deeper we can dig, the further we can go!

[@Osandy___jonesO]

For someone who has been fighting the duality of ignoring the feelings I have on certain events - I'm quite often told to "just get over it" or "stop holding onto things" but in reality, I just need to be able to talk about stuff in order to regain my sense of self and motivation.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

I feel your comment so much!!! I have been exactly there - just trying to be okay, feeling like I “should” be over it, wondering what’s wrong with me that I am still not over it! In reality, yes, I need to talk about it. And I will never be fully over it. It’s what formed me and shaped me, and I get to do my best to heal!

[@thisislife8931]

eat some cement and harden up is what my dad says

[@hollymarston]

Wow... I am in shock about what this woman has experienced.

[@dakjussord821]

sometimes it's also important to be detached from the outcome of sharing. Not everyone is capable of responding well, not everyone has the emotional intelligence to understand that need to share. If you share without expectation, that is a powerful place to come from.

[@thetrevorbinder]

"Vulnerability is the cornerstone of resilience" Thanks Taryn something to think about.

[@tomdashwood9578]

She shares her story with such poise.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

It’s taken a whole boatload of healing ❤️‍🩹, courage, and practice!

[@knockitdownagain]

I hope this gives voice to the reminder that sometimes, those who go onto act the same way to others as they were acted upon, is a sign of of needing to do exactly what Taryn is saying here - talk about. Talk about it, to a professional especially.

[@thisislife8931]

good send, thanks

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you for sharing this! You perspective is so important here. We often keep our resilience stories hidden, and when we bring them into the light, we can heal and grow. Thank you 🙏, Knock it down!

[@georgemanu]

"Productive perseverance" I think it's important for us to learn the difference between that and unproductive perseverance. You can only keep knocking your head against a wall for so long.

[@lanazaja]

Oh this is so good!

[@emmashubert]

Hey, thanks for sending me this talk, she is awesome!

[@bagostan1898]

It really is remarkable how much resilience and vulnerability go hand in hand.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Right? I was initially surprised by this too. AND it makes total sense now.

[@bagostan1898]

@@dr.tarynmarie1729 Cool, thanks for replying, thats very cool too?

[@joemurray1664]

Resilient people have a positive image of the future. That is, they maintain a positive outlook, and envision brighter days ahead.

[@fortunaterbush8607]

You hear a lot about growing and developing resilience - both in ourselves and in children - for good reason.

[@happybarker]

Some people have been so tangled up in their trauma for so long that if they tried to explore and share it, it would just devour them. There is a very visceral physical feeling attached to our trauma and we often don't know it's there until we prod at it

[@suebakernottly]

I love the storytelling aspect of this, I have been in companies where I didn't really know who I worked with. And then in a few cases learned about the people next to me and discovered the wealth of ideas they have based on what they went through. VERY GOOD TALK!!!!

[@justinerather]

Ha you saw it first, she is very good isn't she?

[@suebakernottly]

@@justinerather lol!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Sue, thank you! Wow! I am reading through your comment now, along with you and Justine’s interchange, and it makes me giggle and feel so grateful that all this courage I mustered to tell this story and share these practices has been meaningful to you. It makes it all worth it! Thank YOU!

[@suebakernottly]

@@dr.tarynmarie1729 I loved your talk Taryn, some times I find if I just listen I learn so much, and I listened to your talk...

[@lollo-lia]

😬🤥😪 it's sad we have to continue to have these conversations, ensuring that people not only BELIEVE but UNDERSTAND. You would think by now with the access to information we have people would figure out what is actually important in our healing journey... Ms. Stejskal is a true angel here helping us, I just hope we listen!

[@whosagoodboyimagoodboy]

PTSD walks with shame and fear. Wouldn't it be great if we could easily let this go.

[@luna-marco]

There's something from her that just glows strength and peace. I adore her!

[@lizettesimon478]

This is a powerful talk and quite heavy subject material. I have a lot of admiration for Taryn to be able to articulate all her thoughts and feelings around this without completely falling apart - regardless of whether or not you agree with her, opening up her story to be discussed like this in such a public way requires a level of courage I can't even fathom.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Lizette, thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging words. It has, indeed, been quite a path getting to embrace this story and the courage it has taken to learn to tell it in a way that I can share my resilience story with others in a way that is helpful.

[@Benjamin-yh9mr]

For me, everything changes at least a little bit every day. Those of us who live with vertigo know that sleep, food choices, and even the barometric pressure can cause changes in how we feel. Sometimes, minute to minute. Definitely day to day.

[@ThisIsMyGalaxy]

Brilliant thinking! I see why she has the role and company that she does! Long gone are the days of stifling what we've been through to appear "strong".

[@sudden-impact]

Yep true G.

[@immanualjoseph3513]

Loved your talk Taryn and glad I got to see it in person! Congratulations!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

I'm so grateful for your kind words Immanual! So glad you got to see it in person too!

[@virgillopez5889]

Resilient people have solid goals, and a desire to achieve those goals.

[@janetsplace1953]

Love this, love her!

[@sonny-johnson]

Saving for when I need a reminder.

[@jeansammy]

Taryn, I can't even find the words to say how grateful I am to have seen your talk today. I will be looking up more of your work. Thank you

[@juliosester281]

Every mistake has the power to teach you something important, so look for the lesson in every situation.

[@tibogoth]

Very well-said, Taryn.

[@shiasmarglent8554]

Living independently, she explains recovery very well based on observation.

[@victhatsme]

Quotable. Well worth the watch.

[@hudsonhalloway]

You're really onto something here Taryn, sharing your talk to a few groups I'm in! Thank you so much!

[@hamgifford]

Much respect Taryn, you should be incredibly proud of your achievements.

[@Favekillertunes]

In awe of people like Taryn who open their hearts so effortlessly, even after suffering something so traumatic.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you so much, I am deeply honored 🫶🏼

[@alanpotsypotts]

We've been inside these cages for way too long. Good work Taryn!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Time to break out, Alan! I feel you! I have been there!

[@erikashik]

Brilliant talk. Thank you Taryn. Sharing.

[@janiceglanders]

Brave and courageous how Taryn has managed to break through these obstacles and truly advocate the way she does. I appreciated her speech so very much.

[@acciaisardino3470]

The way she breaks down what it means to be vulnerable, and how it's the cornerstone of all these wonderful qualities like resilience and authenticity is pretty amazing.

[@blockchainbobisbroke]

I'm blown away by how brave this woman is. Amazing Taryn, just amazing.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you 🙏 Blockchain Bob. I appreciate your thoughtful response! I am deeply grateful for your response!

[@that_gyy]

I think the tricky thing here is that often resilience doesn't form until after we've had the traumatic incident. You may know that you're a strong individual and all of that but it's not until something awful happens and you work through it that that gets proven. It makes me wonder what the world would be like if nothing bad happened to anyone.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

This is such an interesting and insightful question. 😊

[@joycewright2788]

Oh Taryn, you are heavent sent and a true leader in healing work!

[@DrishtiRaval17]

Self-learned resilience, as the name implies, is the resilience that you build up in yourself through concerted effort. It is the result of being aware of the opportunities for self-development and the courage to take advantage of them.

[@b0i-oh-bOi]

I appreciated this talk and Taryn's desire to share her trauma in an effort to help other recover from theirs.

[@kaiaomanaia]

I'm just... amazed that this woman can be talking about these things and have so much strength and poise. I literally can not imagine how difficult it must have been for her to work through all of that, let alone come to a place where she can comfortably share in front of a room full of strangers.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you, Kaia. Your words mean so much to me. It has taken many years of ❤️‍🩹 healing. I am grateful to have the grace, courage, and poise to share my story now!

[@lizzaleleflame9967]

Since doing a 20 minute meditation practice twice per day for the past 6 months I feel less emotionally attached to my own drama. Between me and me, we were quite the drama queens.

[@Notthefootykevinrooney]

I use meditation for a deeper connection throughout my body and control of my thoughts, or lack of thought. This moves me from fear and past discomfort.

[@23-Max-23]

This is such a good talk articulated perfectly and brilliantly.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Max!!! Thank you. Your words mean the world to me. 😊🎉

[@henryichu]

It's funny I've always considered myself to be a strong and tough person in terms of rising above the struggles I've faced... it wasn't until a couple of years ago that I realized being vulnerable is the thing that takes the most courage 💪

[@sandypogson]

Yes, sometimes there is strength in not telling your WHOLE story... Though not in this instance. I think it's important for her to have told the whole story, so we have a full understanding as to why she's an authority on the subject - and an incredible one at that. Well done Taryn for all that you are and all you have achieved.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

I agree and thank you. This is a great comment and addition to this conversation!

[@hubert-olszewski]

Thanks for sending me this Sandy!

[@giuliocecchinato]

Your honest and authentic voice is inspiring.

[@hildashaw302]

Resilient people don't let negative thoughts derail their efforts. Instead, they consistently practice positive thinking

[@jordanjpatterson]

Resilience, I love that word. It helps me look for ways to stay present and connected. I've been meditating in this past year and it has changed my life for the better. This is a skill that, once honed, can be used again and again and again.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

This. Is. Amazing! Thank you for sharing!!! 😊😊😊

[@teclio7379]

It was interesting to read about the impact reliable transportation had on a patient's recovery and their sense of independence.

[@thehumanresolve]

Wonderful tips, Taryn!

[@wadewilsonjr]

What Taryn said at the 10:00 minute was empowering and relatable. Knowing yourself and being able to connect to your intuition is hard.

[@buzzboxes]

It's not just a cage but it's legit like festering inside of you if you don't release it. Allowing ourselves to actually feel our feels, regardless of the experience is a mighty healthy thing.

[@hadlieghbaxter]

I like this talk very much, it's wonderful to tell the untold stories.

[@cherylschiltz4242]

Fabulously presented! I too have trauma in my past and everything Taryn shared is the reason I have found resilience.

[@paulacharlesstanley]

I needed this today. I’m a mess of tears right now but feel so seen.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Paula, it is amazing to hear that this talk allows you to feel so seen. I am grateful!

[@paigelpatterson]

Taryn you're amazing. You deserve so much more recognition for overcoming an experience like that and the fact that it's just a small part of the story you're telling really speaks volumes about how whole of a person you are. You should be so immensely proud of yourself ❤❤❤

[@markellwood9712]

Dr. Taryn Marie shares her reslience story and discusses the five things that people can do to address challenges, complexity, and change. Worth a watch.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you, Mark. I am absolutely delighted and honored to read your comment. Dr. Taryn

[@caroldendy851]

Love this!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you, Carol! I am honored and delighted that you do!

[@caroldendy851]

@@dr.tarynmarie1729 Bless you, and thank you!

[@ca-it-lin-ro-ss]

8:40- this is where this talk really begins to deliver!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you, Caitlin! I am delighted this section spoke to you!

[@makiweshter]

I needed to see this today. Thanks so much!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

I am so glad this message spoke to you at just the right moment in time!

[@sudden-impact]

This is a great talk Taryn and I think it's really natural to want to help other people work through their traumas when you've overcome one so huge and know that it is achievable.💗

[@jodikennedy8886]

So true, really love this talk!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you, Jodi! I am so delighted you love it!!!

[@forsaken-lover9508]

Taryn, this is brilliant. Thank you for this realness.

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

Thank you for these incredible words and encouragement. It means so much to me!

[@valentinalatonia]

Oh bless her heart, this is good and important!

[@dr.tarynmarie1729]

This might be the first time someone blessed my heart in a comment, and I am here for it! Thank you!

[@publictvfan9913]

I've never thought of my vulnerability as a cage... quite the opposite really once I learnt how to be vulnerable with people and especially in my intimate relationships a found a whole new part of myself opened up. Scary and wonderful all at the same time but it was ever only liberating.

[@marychristmaseveryone]

So very very true. Our minds carry loads of life data that can lock us in.

[@janetsplace1953]

it does for sure.

[@iamtheunusualsuspect]

A absolute trooper