How The Covert Narcissist Parent Controls a Family Through Pain

[@raphaellavelasquez8144]

The kids are there for the parent. Outsiders assumed the children are actually being raised.

[@andersa3448]

Very true in my case. They live through their children because they both don't have a good relationship.

[@YellowPaint100]

I've found that simple logic combats a lot of this narcissistic behavior. A conversation should go from a to b to c. The moment you don't understand something, ask why. Their response is typically emotional, not logical. And when they don't want to make sense, they're looking to gaslight & distract & disturb you.

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes. Make it make sense. The gaslighting is a never-ending story.

[@caden6119]

My mom does this to me every conversation that we have. At least now I can read her like a book

[@stephaniemacias3445]

Exactly how I handle his game! 👍 (plain, simple, a-b-c logic ... and 😳 wow does it send them into a rage!!!!!🤣)

[@kelsie.j]

having a narcissistic mother is literal hell. i can confirm. i can’t wait to leave home. thank you for your video.

[@kl6902]

Kelsie Parker oh sweetie :( Are you still living at home??? 😰😰 Are you a minor? I am SO sorry! I’m a grown adult with my own kids now but for 18 years I lived in the worst hell imaginable. I’m so grateful for the internet so people can recognize their toxic parents sooner than I ever could. I hope you’re ok and coping. I’m at the beginning of my discovery but one day I would like to use my pain and suffering as a gift for others going through living with a narc mom. There is TRULY nothing harder than living at home with a narc mother and not being able to leave her. It’s one thing to do this to adults and another to do it to innocent children who can’t understand that it’s not their fault. I’m still battling my demons from my childhood. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.

[@kelsie.j]

Beach Mama yes sadly i’m still at home! i absolutely hate it, but i don’t have anywhere else to go right now😭. i’m 20 now, but i’ve i think i realised that she was a narc and that her partner is an enabler around 18 y/o.that sounds so awful, having a narc mother you can’t escape from is torture. i’m sure you’re a great mother, the kind that yours couldn’t ever be! i think there is definitely a need for people like you because living with these types of people is alienating and nobody every thinks a mother could be like that... i hope you’re healing well and i’m so sorry that you’re still battling those demons. i would love to talk to you!! how would you prefer to talk?

[@knightofthename5469]

It could be worse. Mine have wrangled custody of my children from my instability and I havent seen my kids now for 13 months. Its agony and doesnt stop.

[@Tearsofasilentheart]

LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK. MY POOR BROTHER IS STILL LIVING WITH HER HE IS 43....SHE ACTS LIKE HE IS HER HUSBAND ITS REALLY SICKENING.

[@Beer_viking]

my god im 27 years old and peaople like you saved my life thank god for youtub

[@curtis3524]

I'm 29 and just discovered who my mother truly is. There is tremendous power and relief in knowing we are not alone.

[@misssford_4528]

I’m 27 right now too & realizing my moms true colors. I don’t even know what to feel anymore.

[@Beer_viking]

Whit a little help from your good friends can do a big difference. 🎶Whit a little help from my friends main squeze cover🎶

[@mahoganyshanae6116]

@@misssford_4528 Same ! Me to it's sick. When u happy they want to control. Talk about you behind your back with other family members. Like you so bad . But it's been them the whole time. Walking around with a false self.

[@Beeyourself321]

I'm starting to realise my Mum is quite possibly a covert narc, or displays signs of covert narcissism. She has always used her doing favours for me as leverage over me "I've done so much for you". And I am grateful for what she has given me, but it also doesn't excuse her treating me as lesser, and trying to disfigure my sense of self-worth through gaslighting and prolonged emotional/ verbal abuse. Thank you for this video, it was very informative.

[@MsOthomson]

Been there. Stay strong. Typical narc behaviour.

[@burkaboy1]

No contact, don’t be thinking about it neither , 46 years to discover this ,, always knew something was really wrong only discovered all this 4 months ago , good luck

[@andersa3448]

They are good at using gaslighting too.

[@faithisthevictory2337]

It's all witchcraft bro. Jezebel spirit

[@johnnytsunami3558]

​@@MsOthomsondid you get far away from her?

[@gabrielvillela3969]

Peace and harmony i live in brazil, both my parents are narcissistic but my mother is the worst she is crippled lives in a wheelchair the destruction she has caused on the family is unbelieveble

[@heytampon]

I'm 30 and its the first time ive been able to put a word or label and acurate description on what the hell is going on in my family. Its like all the info ive been gathering to this point was directing me to this. Wow, this is so enlightening. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@michellebaca1024]

I was astonished when I found out there was a definition for my mother and the things she did to myself and my family covert narcissist. This really is an awesome video I’m glad I found it!

[@evaggeliaboukouvala4892]

Same here

[@lotz871]

Hey Lewis! I totally feel the same way. It has been enlightening for me too!

[@LN-pm5yl]

Im 43 and both my parents were, and continue to be, narcissistic in the manner you describe. It has really impeded me in life and I continue to try to work through it. Im a single parent due to having kids with a narcissist, and have unfortunately had to continue to be dependent on my parents for assistance. Hoping and praying I will make enough money in the near future so I can be fully independent.

[@johanahmad325]

The most terrible legacy of narcissistic abuse - the loss of the potential of the person who experienced narcissistic abuse. They sabotage your dreams and limit your potential.

[@Heartbeat214]

People still think that my mother is such a nice, caring person, always doing favors for others, giving gifts, visiting those hospitalized, giving rides to people who need help. At home, however, she was and is a shrew who destroyed my father, me and my siblings. She was so covert that none of us realized that she was turning us all against each other and deriving perverse pleasure from it. I am attempting to forgive her for calling my [so-called] friends and telling them lies and half-truths which they believed (if they didn't believe her, she would banish them in some other way - in her eyes, I did not deserve to have friends). She called my bosses, too, whenever I displeased her (it could be anything minor that would set her off) and I would wonder why everyone had started looking at me strangely and I would get paranoid and feel so hurt. Friends would stop talking to me and socializing with me and I wouldn't have a clue why they thought I was great one day and the next it was the opposite. Thank God my father is dead and no longer has to suffer from her horrible abuse (she used my loving father to lure me back in, year after year, whenever I attempted to escape her clutches). I now communicate with her only through snail mail and even that is tough because I am still attempting to forgive her. Knowing what happened to her as a child (she endured horrible abuse at the hands of my grandfather) has helped. My youngest son helps take care of her (he learned, at a very early age, never to disagree with her and so has never been attacked) but none of her children are with her. She still hasn't a clue that she has done anything wrong because, in her mind, every one of her nasty actions was justified.

[@treasuretrovel3816]

And you want to "forgive her for calling my friends...." What is the point of forgiving. How about concentrating on extricating your son from his toxic grandmother? These toxic people take so God Damned long to die.

[@annbell3864]

I never suspected the real reason my family, who hated me, needed to know where I worked and have my work number in case of emergency. In one case we were told not to get calls at work, and I hadn’t given the location of job or number. But nevertheless my Mother tracked me down and called and asked me if I wanted to go to a movie as my boss stood there and glared at me. I don’t forgive all this painful, economically dangerous nonsense behavior. It is financial abuse and sabotage.

[@glitterboxglitterbox1939]

Heartbeat214 yep.! Mines too! And I also think that the neighbor that I live next door too! Is also narc!

[@RamKumar-yi6wn]

If I were you my priority would be to protect my son from the toxic influence of his grandma. If you don't wake up and smell the coffee about your mum being incorrigible and evil through and through , you risk losing your son. It's only a matter of time before she brainwashes him and turns your son against you. I don't get it when people say they are trying to forgive a narc. I mean what is wrong with you people , it's like saying you're trying to forgive the devil. In a way I think these forgiving folks do it in a small way to feel better about themselves. Go fucking no contact ,let the bitch rot in her own hell.

[@embody_love_and_light5236]

@@RamKumar-yi6wn spot on. The world tells us to forgive, religion, society and the so called spiritual gurus. They say forgive for your own peace. I would say releasing the trauma is the priority, which actually happens gradually over time. Anyhow, forgiveness is a process. No matter how many times you decide to forgive, you find yourself fuming when flashbacks of abuse come to mind. We can't just decide to forgive and expect it to be done. I'm actually choosing to forgive myself for my ignorance of what evil is. For tolerating the abuse for so long. I want nothing more to do with any of them. They all are an assortment of evil. Covert, overt narcs, sociopaths and all sorts of other disordered specimens. I am just concerned for my innocent nephews and nieces.

[@doriangray3237]

Thank you so much for this. I grew up crying all the time and had no friends, my mother always told me that I was being too sensitive. It was only when I got older that I realize it wasn’t that I didn’t have friends because my controlling mother wouldn’t let me have any

[@raphaellavelasquez8144]

They can look friendly and loving but they play their kids on each other. My siblings don't see it. The family members who see it are the ones who wind up hospitalized/disabled.

[@sarahrodriguez4040]

Exactly. I've experienced the same. it's heavy. Hang in there.

[@NaimahLaNae]

I spent my whole life not knowing why I felt utterly insane and unworthy. You describe my entire childhood as if you lived with me. The under hhanded deception is psychological abuse. Im so thankful for finding this information. Now I have boundaries to set.

[@voborny]

I wish you strength in setting the necessary boundaries

[@ibnhe9024]

No contact is best. My family is full of Narcs

[@meera2531]

Give them silent treatment, ignore their rants and games. Don't engage. Give no emotional reaction what so ever. Triggering the other's emotions is what makes them feel powerful and relevant. Set firm boundaries. Do not go to their rescue for small things. Set time limits etc. Don't ever bend backwards for them. Just nod along to their crazy talk, end it quickly with a cheerful excuse and do whatever you want to do. Protect your interests and things. Don't be a soft target. Keep good relationships with other family members (extended) and neighbours etc. Make sure people know you for you, then if the narc tries to malign you no one will buy that. They're simply powerless, disordered bullies who thrive on using the other's fears against them. And also obligation and guilt. Be fearless, don't feel excessively obligated and don't fall for the guilt trips. Be strong in your truth and peace. We have to grow far above and beyond them. Everyone chooses challenges in their lives before taking birth. These are ours. It is to recognize the truth and be firm and resolute in the face of lies and deceit. Another very handy tip is to record videos of their rage and aggression and their talks.

[@brandonh.6956]

This is EXACTLY how I feel and it seems like no matter what they do they just can't wait to drain every last bit of hope and energy you have to feed there own.

[@eottoe2001]

They don't educate children on how to get along with life because they don't know themselves. Their social skills are limited. They mimic social skills to appear "normal" for public self. Having a mother this way, I never could get the idea of patriarchy cause she was in control.

[@embody_love_and_light5236]

I actually think they do know how to get on in life as their life is working on a material level atleast. My mum played dumb but in money matters she got everything put on her name and got my signature on all legal documents to make sure i got nothing. I also get flashbacks of how my narc mum and sister would charm people to get out of their responsibilities. How did my younger GC covert narc sister learn to fool people?. And i can't convince people even when telling the truth. I was locked indoors away from the outside world where i could have learned and experienced life. Even in the home sociopath and narc parents taught us nothing, no conversations with children at all. Happy families belonged on tv not in our real lives.

[@pedrotorres7149]

Bally Kaur same. I would be tied to a tree in our yard because a "crazy" neighbor said to my mom that "their going to get hit by a car one day" (this was in Cuba where there weren't hardly any vehicles in the part of Havana we lived) NEVER spoke to us about life issues and responsibilities never. And the beatings with belts and the threat of beatings, but when asked while screaming crying "what did I do"? Just got whipped more... A total lack of empathy!

[@embody_love_and_light5236]

@@pedrotorres7149 Gods strongest soldiers have the toughest test.

[@iamiliusamthatiam1887]

Thank you 💚

[@fumarate1]

we ask for this life before we reincarnate.

[@lotz871]

Big thanks to this video creator and I feel for everyone so much. It’s nice to know that I’m not the one experiencing it but also so sad to read everyone’s stories. Sending positive vibes to everyone out there!

[@skippy8664]

They want to be the boss but they don't want to lead

[@brittanyhunter3331]

They want all of the credit and accolades, but none of the work. You are spot on.

[@rob0tlove]

Thank you so much for this beautiful video. It’s so conflicting being a child of a narcissist, because you want to love your parent, but the closer you get to them, the more they continue to hurt and gaslight and manipulate you and others around you. It’s so incredibly difficult 😞

[@heavyjoechipman3594]

In past arguments with my malignant narcissistic mother, when she would act or strike "out of bounds" or "over the line", I would remind her that we have human and constitutional rights. That those rights are inalienable. She would say"NOT UNDER MY ROOF" or "MY HOUSE, MY RULES"! It was the worst. God bless you and yours.😁👍

[@sl1mz1m]

Same quotes I recall myself. You never forget the sayings they had, because you heard them when you were violated, ignored or put down.

[@johndory7395]

I hear you sir, I'm 44 and she's nearly 80 and still running home with an iron fist

[@jabarnes77]

Dang, the butterflies LOVE you. That must meaning blessings. 🦋

[@johndory7395]

I hear you, my mum's a covert Narcissist, she's fallen out with everyone in the family. Finally the other day I confronted her after 44 years of it, I told her I'm sick of walking on eggshells around her, and had enough. Of course after her twisting everything in her favour I ended up having to apologize. She has zero empathy, none whatsoever. Unless it's her being a victim, she's been a victim since I was 5, I have a long memory. I could never figure out why she was so cross,or why there's always hostility. She's fallen out with her sisters, brothers, neighbors, friends... It's all their fault... I pointed out all that to her, she couldn't see it, it was twisted around to victim hood again. In the end it was mum being the victim. I love my mom which sounds paradoxical, but she used to remind me of a wicked witch when I was a kid...... But I used to feel so guilty about feeling that way about mum. My friend who's a qualified therapist told me, you'll never win up against a Narcissist never. I suppose the only way you'll get along with them is realize that they'll never change and don't take it personal....

[@jessicae1695]

Spot on! ✨ Videos like this validate it all bc the covert narc parent is a SNEAKY little thing. Ugh. So, thank you.

[@mikesallin3053]

I'm 34 years old. This couldn't describe my dad any better. Thank God for leading me to this video thank you for making it. Understanding well you're going through that's the best feeling you could get after going through what we go through

[@nettyabbott5412]

Mum pyically punished us kids every day of our lives. When I first learnt she is Covert Narc. Her emotional hold over me died. Today I have No contact with the Covert Narcissist parent. & come in to KZbin to do refresher course on what I escaped from. So thku for the information you provide. Subscribed. 😁

[@janedoe7401]

Very concise description - the validation is so healing. I've been told all my life what a wonderful mother I have, but this is EXACTLY what she did and how she did it. The intentional absence of guidance was invisible, yet devastating.

[@sprocastersprocaster]

I’m 19 with a covert narc dad and a mother who comes to me for everything, I feel so bad for her because she’s so emotionally abused by him. I always wondered why I was so behind my peers, why I feel so small and afraid in this world. I try tirelessly to create self esteem but nothing works. At least I have my brother, but unfortunately I developed a very co dependent relationship with him from years of violent arguments since birth. I can’t be away from him for more than a day without racing thoughts about his safety. I don’t know what to do, I feel like my life is doomed.

[@peaceandharmony3137]

I am so glad you found he channel, please watch, listen, learn, and you will grow into your authentic, real, loving strong self. Don't worry about your peers, although you are sensitive to this---it i okay this just means you are discovering your true joy---your true passion that is in your heart,, your gut,,then your mind. Lets leave all the extra thinking out of things for now. Please work on your internal self talk and make sure you do not dwell on negatives to the best you can, remain neutral, and follow your comforts your comforts such as reading, walking, learning, going into nature and the recovery dates will help you to land and thrive on this journey. Peace and Harmony

[@arrowcrusher]

You are a true champion inside!! You have strength inside that's unlimited,,. Stay honest and true to yourself always and you will automatically Walk into your own strength. I promise. Arrow Crusher. Tulsa Oklahoma USA

[@Irishjay-gu5pb]

Unreal, this is ABSOLUTELY ACCURATE!!! Sooo true!!! Thank you for putting words to something that has burdened me for 36 years. Jesus, 36 years strong. It's disgusting!

[@rohinimalhotra6931]

Jennifer Fitzgerald Almost 40 years for me. Better late than never. The part I struggle with is the weak sense of self and an uncontrollable craving for validation.

[@meera2531]

38 for me... It's part of how it happens. Some things that have worked for me: Give them silent treatment, ignore their rants and games. Don't engage. Give no emotional reaction what so ever. Triggering the other's emotions is what makes them feel powerful and relevant. Set firm boundaries. Do not go to their rescue for small things. Set time limits etc. Don't ever bend backwards for them. Just nod along to their crazy talk, end it quickly with a cheerful excuse and do whatever you want to do. Protect your interests and things. Don't be a soft target. Keep good relationships with other family members (extended) and neighbours etc. Make sure people know you for you, then if the narc tries to malign you no one will buy that. They're simply powerless, disordered bullies who thrive on using the other's fears against them. And also obligation and guilt. Be fearless, don't feel excessively obligated and don't fall for the guilt trips. Be strong in your truth and peace. We have to grow far above and beyond them. Everyone chooses challenges in their lives before taking birth. These are ours. It is to recognize the truth and be firm and resolute in the face of lies and deceit. Another very handy tip is to record videos of their rage and aggression and their talks. And most importantly heal your triggers and know love and respect yourself. Hold yourself in high esteem.

[@steve7015]

This is so nurturing and validating.....those of us who have had this experience need to find a trusted source where we can foster the new reality about what was really going on.....Being able to trust that someone gets you and sees you.......I know that I need big doses of this before I'm ready to have someone tell me how I need to change. Listening to this and taking it in IS practicing self loving, self nurturing, self respect and IS starting a new life.

[@jubjubgurl]

This was so helpful to hear. I have been reading, listening and learning to make sense of my mother's abuse and neglect. Time to cut the umbilical cord, geez mom. Thanks for the permission, and the encouragement to go be my own person.

[@Gabriel-er8pp]

keeping the air heavy - so accurate

[@mousehead2000]

On the surface my mother is a kind, warm devout Christian woman. Wife to a husband and mother to three grown men. On the inside she is the proverbial wolf in sheeps clothing, turning children against father and vice versa and brother against brother whilst she gets to look like the long-suffering victim caught up in the middle. Here is a bible verse I found that gives this some context: Matthew 10:34-37 34 “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to turn “‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law- 36 a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’[c] 37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

[@heydaddy5326]

I'm in healing stage. I was the lost child-- transitioned into the Scape Goat the older I got. I became the full blown scape goat when my middle brother left home... I am a converted Evangelical Christian (whole family is Catholic). Matthew 10 16:39 is part of my healing/ testimony. And this always breaks me to my core 26 “So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. 27 What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. 28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

[@melissaculpepper7663]

Elen Lowen Amen! Me, too! Jesus is the reason I forgive my Mother. However, I do not have a relationship with her as I cannot force her to. One must humble themself and ask God to forgive them. My Mother is blinded to her sins against her children; she denies having physically and verbally and emotionally abusing me and my older brother. She sent us to live with other people and, eventually, to her alcoholic parents who were quite cruel to me. She denies that she know they were alcoholics or abusive. What’s crazy about that is she has always talks about how horrible her parents were to her! So, the good Lord has saved me from my hopelessness and forgiven me my sins as I asked of Him, and He now lives in me by His Holy Spirit. I still need healing from this as I’ve recently decided to go “no contact”. I’m blessed and happy and pray my Mother will humble herself before God, ask His forgiveness and become a new creation in Christ. God bless you all who are still suffering and/or healing💕💕💕✨✨✨

[@morgandawn6413]

Praise the Lord!

[@Niko-1004]

This is good. But missing the golden child.. that she helps more and guides them to do what the narc wants

[@truecrimes1435]

And with the help of the system, the narcistic parent's every evil desire is fulfilled.

[@pipers3102]

My father tells me constantly how he overcame his childhood and never let himself "be a victim". He says that I am trying to be the victim whenever I confront him for being unnecessarily critical or vicious towards me or my mother or my sister, yet self-victimizes any chance he gets. He pouts like a toddler when he doesn't get his way. This morning he spoiled a surprise for my sister, then 10 minutes later spoiled the surprise for me, and I told him it wasn't cool to be spoiling surprises and he immediately got defensive, saying "FINE I will not talk for the rest of the day, since everyone is attacking me and I feel ganged up on, so you won't hear a word out of me because you obviously hate what I have to say". He stormed around for the rest of the morning until receiving validation from my mother, who caves every single time because she isn't strong enough to stand up for herself. She believes it is easier to let him win then to suffer through days of his tantrums.

[@Cosmic_Cookies_774]

I’m sorry you had to go through that, hopefully things are better for you now

[@ifonlyunu994]

Thank you for this video. I had no idea why my mom wanted my sister to become a lawyer because it was something I wanted to do when I was a child. She's much better at other subjects. Narcissists steal your identity and use for themselves or give to others. It's really sad the way these people are.

[@meera2531]

It's a way to confuse/ destabilize/ keep others off-balance. It's another control mechanism.

[@gabbygaboo]

Unfortunately this was and still is my reality, even in my adult years as I’ve moved away from my parents and I’m 26...still getting passive aggressive behaviors and non communication/or very explosive outbursts from both parents

[@misssford_4528]

Gabriella Rodriguez This is my life. I’ve spent my whole life catering to my mom & everyone else in my family & im 27 & moved out to go pursue school to finally do something for myself and she’s saying that I’m being selfish. I’ve done so much for her, drive her everywhere, she relies on me.to do literally everything & guilt trips me when I don’t do something she can damn well do herself. I’m so sick of this 💩.

[@johnnytsunami3558]

How do you get away ??😢

[@johnnytsunami3558]

​@@misssford_4528are you finally at peace now that you moved away from your mom ?

[@kiaracharles746]

I can’t believe you took the words right out of my mouth, words I’ve been trying to piece together to explain to anyone who will listen to me about how I grew up...a struggle for so many years...thank you!!!

[@scottkelly6949]

I remember after my 7th bday the Narcissist patent telling me I shouldn't have the amount of money I was given as gifts in birthday cards. Then the Narc parent asks me to give it to her to get groceries and I would get that money back....I was never given back the money.

[@bonsaipiper3773]

As a child our neighbors went on vacation and said they would pay me to collect their eggs and feed and water their chickens. When they came back they gave me a one hundred dollar bill and thanked me. Right in front of them my parents took the money away and gave it back to them saying that it was too much. Will never forget that. What my parents SHOULD HAVE DONE is asked are they sure about the amount of money and when they say yes, of course. Then teach me how I should use some of the money now to buy something I wanted. To save some for down the road and to use the rest of it to give and help someone else.

[@embody_love_and_light5236]

@@bonsaipiper3773 that was about creating negative money patterns in your subconcious. That you should be serving people for free. My parents would take my salary when i worked in holidays, my narc friends would always borrow money and never return it. That created the pattern in my subconcious that any money i earn will be taken. I started sabotaging any job i had, over spending when i had some money, basically to use my money before another takes it. This pattern ensures my bank ac is always empty.

[@jennifergottliebel-azhari149]

Um maybe your family was not rich and she needed the money fb or groceries... that is not narcissism.

[@aleksanderblinn4492]

Haha

[@meera2531]

Money is a form of power, and a narc parent doesn't like a victim child to learn about the power of money and to have that power. It's about them maintaining control and dependency of the child, so that you have to ask them for money, and also about them feeling entitled to any money you earn or get because they feel their children are an extension of them and because their grandoise feelings make them feel entitled. Beware in future they will ask you for your salary/ earnings. Don't give money, buy some things they ask for if it seems important. Covertly get them to spend their money as well. They can be very exploitative. Their money is their money and your money is also their money. The other thing is they will deter you towards your career and working hard etc so as to make you financially disempowered/ impoverished so that again you have to be dependent on them in some way, ask for money and get abused severely along the way. And they would use this scenario to maintain what a sacrificing and victim and hero parent they are because they have a such a useless dependent child and they have to do everything, but in truth due to this financial dependency set up they will guilt and obligate you into doing everything. They are extremely conniving and should not be trusted. Always think twice about anything they suggest to you. It's usually a trap/an effort to sabotage. Also never sign over property etc to a narc parent. Never trust them but do your best not to show it if you can. It's best to be fully, or as empowered and independent as possible from the narc parent in all ways as possible. It is possible and along with largely ignoring them and giving them no emotional reaction or just a cheerful, unaffected reaction etc, will give you your peace of mind, happiness and health back to an amazing extent!

[@tiffanyjohnson172]

So lovely the blue sky, orange butterflies and yellow daisies. Very calming

[@synchronicity8947]

Half an hour ago I caught my Mum staring/GLARING at me as I ate breakfast (don't ask what heinous place I live in with this kind of timezone) When I looked up and said "Yes?" she laughed nervously and made up some half ass excuse "ohhh, I was just staring into space thinking about xyz". Sure, Jan.

[@embody_love_and_light5236]

They glare like their life depends on it, it's like they're draining you of your life force. It's so uncomfortable. When i lived in her house i avoided being in the same room. Infact the last year i pretty much spent in my bedroom. I could sense the negative energy as i approached the house. There was a heavy feeling when she was in the house compared to when she wasn't. It was like living with a demon.

[@pedrotorres7149]

Synchronicity wow, I catch my mother constantly just staring at me. If we go over to my sister's house there she is in the back deck just staring as I walk around her property ... Many times I catch her looking at me as she is drinking water across the the kitchen... I was in a relationship with a female sociopath who would often stare the exact same way. This "girlfriend" said to me a couple of times that my mom is a narcissist... So I'm the target? I seen a vid that was named "the empath and the covert narcissist the nightmare scenario'. That describes in perfectly...

[@embody_love_and_light5236]

I actually read a comment about a year ago under a video like this, that when they stare, they are actually taking our life force.

[@going-easy]

You guys commenting reminds me of my mother staring at me too. What's that stare about? I saw a couple of vids about the Psycho-stare, since I've binge watched "all about Cluster B" vids. My therapist once said my mother sounds bpd. To me she has also very much narctraits.

[@hardrok312]

@@embody_love_and_light5236 omg, so true! They feed off our energy

[@BobbiGail]

4:45 'not a lot of discussion or understanding...' if any of us don't share the same viewpoint and dare even stand up for ourselves, we are SHUT DOWN, told we are arguing, and accused of not allowing HER boundaries. I am 51. Heaven help me.

[@mallory5872]

They can be like this and poor!

[@jameshogue1639]

And I wonder why I suffer PTSD nightmares . The butterfly was an Angel finding a beautiful person. 😎

[@MS-xk1ne]

Very correct about how alot goes unsaid. Unless it's something she agrees with / approves of, it can't be spoken of. So conversation is awkward and empty because I don't feel comfortable telling her about things in my life she dismisses because she doesn't approve because she always makes snide remarks or says "I have to tell you, I don't approve" as though I'm drinking every night or doing drugs or something! So I just give up even sharing things with her. She shares stuff with me, stuff I don't even have interest in or agree with, but I listen and sympathise bc it's important to her. She can't do the same for me, when I'm the child, not the parent. It's just so tiring. She complains I'm "not including her in my life / what I do", but doesn't care for anything I share with her cos she doesn't approve / doesn't interest her. I'm a grown, married woman and left home 6 years ago. I am sick of pussyfooting around her.

[@mjones2619]

Use money as leverage as well

[@DarthxErik]

Yesssssss. I'm in the musical 1776 right now so when you mentioned "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness" it was very apt for me right now. My NM and family controlled me with finances and guilt. I just went NC with them to heal.

[@embody_love_and_light5236]

Same. The finances and guilt.

[@jademorgan1096]

Great video!! Spot On! But you forgot the best part how they compete with you and if you start to do well, they attack you like it's a personal insult. Thank you I will do whatever I can

[@bubblywaters3116]

You are my savior. Butterflies are a great omen. You soothed them. Wonderful.

[@bubblywaters3116]

I am my savior. You are helping me get there. :)

[@five5x]

My partners mom was a covert narcissist. Here's a list of some of the things she would do 1. Created the perfect family on the outside 2. Kept all family secrets hidden 3. Appeared to be a well to do woman and only saw extremely accomplished woman as her equals. Said the only person she saw as her equal was this women who had schools named after her. 4. Married a man with an upper middle class life and took it as her own 5. Thought she knew anything and everything and would engage in conversations as if she knew how to do anything. 6. Thought she was the only one who could do her job. Would over inflate her importance. Said she was highly underpaid. 7. Would tell her husband stories about how awful her kids were so she would have him on her side 8. As she got older she loved to act as a frail old woman so people would pay attention to her. Then when she got him all of a sudden she would walk around without a cane or any help. 9. Loved to upset her family and get an emotional rise out of them. It was as if she fed off of it. 10. She loved drama in this house. Would cause it all and would love to create problems and everyone else have to deal with them. 11. Constantly had to be on eggshells around her. She made everyone in complete control. She learned otherwise eventually. 12. Extremely cold and ruled the house with an iron fist. 13. She expected her children to be perfect. 14. She had everyone believing she was the nicest person in the world. When she died, everyone on the outside said she was the most lovely person. We on the other hand felt a sense of relief when she passed. That's how awful she was. 15. She wanted to maintain the perfect image so her kids had to excel. Some say this is the exact opposite of the covert parent, but I think it fits. Her youngest son was extremely accomplish (my partner), but she would always undermined his accomplishments. They were always less than what they were. If he won an award, it was an award no one cared about. If he got a good job, it was because there was very few people in the field, so the company was limited on who they could hire. Meaning he only got the job because there was no one else to do it. Not because was talented. When he got raises, he was being overpaid for the work and she would always say it's funny how some jobs over highly over paid like yours and how mine was always underpaid. (My mother however was more the typical covert mother when it came to me wanting succeed at anything. She always told me I was a loser and a failure. She never wanted me to go to college and do something with my life. It was always, college is a waste. Get a factory job. Why would study that? There's no jobs in that field) 16. Thought her children were terrible people that she was burdened with. So did mine 17. In constant competition with her youngest son. He could never be right. Do anything right and was always wrong about everything. 18. When her kids failed she loved it. It was if they were being what she thought they always were. 19. Had her family fearing her. 20. Saw herself with her friends as the leader. At 80 years old she went to a school reunion and told us about how this poor stinky girl in school paid for her drinks at the reunion. She went on to tell us how she how to help this poor girl in school and with my partners moms help she succeeded because of her. Not because the lady did well for herself. 21. Saw herself as the messiah of people who needed help. She would tell us tales about how she changed the lives of other people, which she never did. 22. Would completely rewrite history or out right deny facts and events to fit what was going on in her mind. 23. Seem to gather power by making others miserable in the house 24. Never made mistakes 25. Married someone who would do what she wanted. (to a point) 26. Was a very unloving mother. Never touched, hugged or loved her kids. 27. Was an alcoholic 28. Had her kids convinced this was all normal 29. Hated any family member who seemed confident. They were all full of themselves assholes to her 30. Fight tooth and nail to win at any fight 31. Would frequently go to the doctor, make up illnesses just so she could get attention 32. Thought everyone treated her terrible 33. Extremely sensitive and took everything extremes if she thought any one was talking ill of her or speaking down to her 34. Thought she could convince anyone of anything 35. Said no one understood her and she was too complicated to understand This is only what I can think of off the top of my head

[@fumarate1]

She just a Devil woman with evil on mind.

[@realmaletearsaspatriarchys1351]

Narcissists always tell everyone's secrets!

[@megaxca2]

My sister-in-law is like that.

[@meera2531]

Sounds like you've met my mother!

[@meera2531]

My mother actually told me, let me talk to that person, I will make him/ her do the work for me out of sympathy!

[@debraleach7878]

It was so hard to grasp why the exact did not teach his kids any rules. There were not rules, no respect. No boundaries, no consequences. Everything was replaceable, no moral and no ethical values. I was cut down for trying to teach his adult kids anything. Thank you for giving me answers.

[@summerrae4993]

I can't move too far away from my mother (I am 24 years old) or she fills me with fear and guilt's me into staying near. She says I'm going to leave her to rot in a nursing home and essentially tells me all the things she has done for me and she can't believe I would do this for her. She is constantly a victim. I have BPD and it has been very hard to disconnect from her due to my reliance on her and the ties she has on my feelings and the fear I am filled with if I leave.

[@nadinewhitehouse3287]

Leave if you can. This is your life.

[@johnnytsunami3558]

Did you ever get away ?

[@makaylahollywood3677]

Interestingly, I took to the stage, theater and loved acting in plays in 7th grade. I remember feeling safe with a script, meaningful roles and a director to harmonize the story. I remember thinking "this feels like a safe family".

[@marcuss6312]

I feel my dad is/was a covert narcissist and has really damaged my sister mentally, anyway I can maybe help my sisters understanding, confidence, self esteem etc etc

[@carolyncervantes6828]

I'm so sorry

[@solgato5186]

Wishing you well and much strength to be able to do this.

[@meera2531]

It's not often one hears of the golden child recognizing the abuse and pain the scapegoat child has endured. It's wonderful on your part to want to help and also wonderful that you did not get so brainwashed as to hate your sister. You can surely help her by understanding her needs and supporting her. It's wonderful to have a sibling who understands. You must read up on the feelings of Narcissistic abuse victims and you must help her heal. More power to you. Some things that have worked for me as an adult child of a narc: Give the narc the silent treatment, ignore their rants and games. Don't engage. Give no emotional reaction what so ever. Triggering the other's emotions is what makes them feel powerful and relevant. Set firm boundaries. Do not go to their rescue for small things. Set time limits etc. Don't ever bend backwards for them. Just nod along to their crazy talk, end it quickly with a cheerful excuse and do whatever you want to/ need to do. Protect your interests and things. Don't be a soft target. Keep good relationships with other family members (extended) and neighbours etc. Make sure people know you for you, then if the narc tries to malign you no one will buy that. They're simply powerless, disordered bullies who thrive on using the other's fears against them. And also obligation and guilt. Be fearless, don't feel excessively obligated and don't fall for the guilt trips. Be strong in your truth, light and peace. We have to grow far above and beyond them. Everyone chooses challenges in their lives before taking birth. These are ours. Our soul work is to recognize the truth and be firm and resolute in the face of lies and deceit. Another very handy tip is to record videos of their rage and aggression and their talks. And most importantly heal your triggers and know love and respect yourself. Hold yourself in high esteem.

[@maranpandian1336]

I know a father who brought up three of his children, as you are saying.Two of his children are having the covert narcissistic traits as are saying, but one son of the family is a good person.

[@brittanyallenpizano6149]

Thank you so much for these videos. Everything you talk about rings so true. I'm married to a man who comes from this type of family... And I wish I had known about all of this before! His enmeshed family has caused many problems in our marriage, and I hope that learning more about this will help us to make our marriage work.

[@humaali2742]

I Remmeber as a child saying to my mum. Why do u keep saying hurtful things and stop when I cry. Now I realise that’s what she wanted. She loved it when I cried. Horrible woman

[@cartour8497]

This is real guys! This exists! You find yourself between familymembers who have this toxicity in them. Father mother and also helpers like brothers, uncles etc.

[@cartour8497]

Thank you so much. This was my life! Absolutely wauw. It is staggering. What a madness! Again thanks and i wish you the best.

[@thetruthmessenger6358]

Holy F... You just described my Ex, mother in law. Now she rules again over not only my ex, but our two young daughters, but her ex husband and current husband as well. I have been in the most bizarre custody case the last 22 months because of the actions and deceit and control of the Narcissist Grandma and her army of flying monkeys. All passed down through the previous generation. I fear my ex is now unable to even recognize what is happening to her once again, and now our own children. All because of The Covert Narc/ her mother. And Yes I was never accepted into the narcs life from day one. I spoke against her at the start and she did everything to rip my relationship apart with her daughter. She succeeded 3 times, I am currently trying to save my own daughters from her wicked intentional controlling toxic influence. Its me against a 2nd generation Narc controlled very unforgiving vindictive emotionally abusive all behind the fake smile of perfection type of family. wish me luck.

[@haleyishuman]

Couldn't have described my dad better... thanks for the video!

[@vitasolano3272]

Guilt is the number one tactic .... definitely 💜

[@michaelking4578]

Watch out for those butterflies! They are deadly.

[@Pinkcouture111]

My Mother alway used stories of women she knew to hint to me about how I should be out how I was. “ a lady at work with 10 kids, works, is thin, does this and that, she is amazing” or “ my friend is so overprotective of her children, she never lets them do anything or go any where....”

[@kl6902]

I need to rewatch this video 1000 more times to be sure I heard everything correctly. I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong in my life to cause me to be this teenager with crazy rage towards my mother and extreme depression. Found my childhood diaries and it opened a can of worms. I’ve been going back and forth on whether my mom is a Narcissist or not because I’ve only been reading about the explosive ones...the ones that are physically abusive or overtly jealous. Those qualities don’t describe my mom. She’s actually very calm unless totally alone with me and then she just got in my face and screamed and cried and guilt tripped me and shamed me...like everything else though is her EXACTLY. But as soon as I saw this video 😳😳😳😳 THIS IS MY MOM!!! This is it! Every single thing touched on is her. But she’s soooo manipulative and soooo sneaky, you can not tell what she’s doing unless you’re looking for it or you’re her victim and I’m her only victim 😣 it feels good to be validated for 43 years of confusing pain... but it also makes me want to break down and cry because it makes me so sad that it happened. I barely survived my teens. I attempted suicide 7 times and my mom would scold me and get so mad that I was doing it for attention and was being manipulative. I tried to KILL myself and her first words to me was an irritated look and then a lecture. In the hospital! No hug, no compassion. It is so psychologically damaging for this to be happening and you KNOW something is not right but everyone tells you your mom is perfect. Such a terrible way to grow up. She never gave me any skills other than dysfunctional ones and it didn’t dawn on me why everything seemed so freakin hard for me in college. Because I had NO idea what to do or how to be 🤦🏻‍♀️ I didn’t know until this moment that is a trait of a narcissistic mother. And it explains why when I had my kids I had them learning everything starting as toddlers. They are super self sufficient in their teens now. I just told them I HAVE to teach you how to survive on your own because I want you to go out in the world and be excited not afraid. And I never knew why this was so important to me. My heart hurts so bad. I was extremely suicidal on Thanksgiving again because of my mom. She manipulated things so my sister would benefit and I would suffer. I was so upset about it. I actually tried to reach out to her the next day to confide in her (she’s a sneaky bitch, she will totally care for me sometimes to trick me into thinking she cares but she fucks me over every time). So she came over and I have to post part of her text here because it’s unbelievable....it ended when I mentioned that what happened on Thanksgiving really hurt my feelings. She got offended because clearly my feelings offend her 🙄 and then it was same ole same ole. She’s the victim, I’m being cruel and unappreciative after all she just came over to help me (help me do what SHE wanted me to do cuz she didn’t do what I wanted to do which was pack boxes). 🤣 And I said mom can you listen? This isn’t about you this is about my feelings and what led to this. She says so only you can have feelings then? 🙄 I try to rephrase what I said to no avail, she got up and said she’s not going to take my abuse anymore. I said are you really walking away from me for sharing my feelings with you?? after I just told you I was suicidal?? She kept walking out. I got up and opened the door and told her that I don’t want anything to do with her anymore, she’s out of my life and don’t ever speak to me again and I slammed it on her face. It felt good!!! OMG the anxiety was like instantly gone!! I’m so happy she did that because now it’s not on me...she knows damn well she walked out. I don’t care if she thinks it’s my fault, she walked out and she knows it and she ain’t coming back in. I think it was that exact moment I realized she really IS a narcissist. Because she was covert, I constantly questioned myself whether she was or wasn’t. Cuz she’s a giant walking contradiction. Now that you know the story...take a look at these texts she sent me the day before 🙄She’s such a loving mother obviously 🤮 **************************** “...I know it can be overwhelming being a mother and going through chronic pain and depression at the same time. I can take you to the emergency room or to a hotel away from your house where you can just be alone to think, or come over here. I will always be here whatever you decide, I will support you.” 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 “...I will do whatever’s necessary to make sure all is well. And no matter what I will see to it. Do you want to spend the weekend at your house or somewhere else? I will take care of it don’t worry.” (I send her a text here that says I would really like to get some boxes to pack up some shit to get it out of the house because the clutter is giving me anxiety. I LITERALLY tell her what would help me and make me feel better and she responds with...) “You don’t need to spend the weekend packing boxes. You need to spend it either at a hotel or over here with me.” 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️WHAT?!?! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ I guarantee that will NOT make me feel better lol She never freakin listens! She wants me to do what SHE wants me to do 🙄 She just goes on from there how she’ll bring me coffee and breakfast in the morning and help me tidy up and brainstorm ideas to get my life back on track (the irony 🙄) And then what I posted at the top happened 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ She walked out on her sobbing daughter who confided she is suicidal and this “mother” just walks out and doesn’t look back?? 😱😱😱 What planet is she from?? Who does that?! Literally every day of my life is this. I’m SO FUCKING DONE!!!

[@americablessgod1273]

Keeping the air in their dominion, shutting the valves and keeping the air very dense and tense. Child doesn't learn how to budget and manage money. Child is motivated by feelings of intense doom or guilt, obligation. Not freely, confidently, in an empowered manner. There should be no strings attached. If so, they should be laid out in the beginning. They want the child to be whatever they prefer the child to be. They don't want the child to be what they want. Doesn't want child to be capable of becoming autonomous. They can't manipulate, control if the child leaves.

[@TheXanderGrim]

sounds like the mantra my ex wife goes by

[@nopcshere6097]

@@TheXanderGrim And my former mother-in-law and former wife.

[@chukkie58]

Spot on. How my father ‘brought me up’

[@meera2531]

And my mother

[@OccupationalThpy]

Thank you for talking about the sabotaging element of covert narc parenting. My mother simultaneously demanded an prestigious/lucrative career but also destroyed my efforts to get myself educated (I had a full ride scholarship to a solid state school, she convinced me to drop out). I wish I had learned the skill of keeping my goals to myself at an earlier age, but alas, I was desperately seeking her approval and always blabbed. Now I live by the motto “it’s not a lie if they don’t have a right to know”

[@mampelesetla387]

I can never forgive my mother ever, that woman destroyed my life completely, but did differently with my brother, he was a golden child, she was calling me the devil. I hate her, with the passion, she did not just use and destroy me but forced me to work for her boyfriend too, the supposed nephew is her boyfriend’s son and my mom knows this fact and she keeps it a secret. The so called my nephew, looks exactly like my mom’s boyfriend. I feel sick!

[@chloewood9310]

This is bang on. Oh my days

[@dapage5]

My husband never wanted to take the time to teach my boys how to do anything that a man should know. He would just call them stupid. Thank for your video’s they help a lot.

[@charlie-de4in]

Just found this video today! Thank you. Very needed!!

[@raphaelavelasquez4706]

I go back to this video a lot. I didn't realize I was doing that til I started remembering the butterfly!

[@MsPrecious61]

Hit the nail on the head again.

[@tbd5082]

Me and my exN had a biz doing in excess of $1 million a year of biz and all my mom really cared about was what she would get from it- all the while encouraged fear mongering. Sick.

[@peaceandharmony3137]

That is so excruciatingly painful, oh I am so sorry to hear that--that type of mindset can really lead to corruption of the human spirit and your ambition. The fear mongering and naysayer is so difficult to manage and navigate--congrats on your business and kudos to your enterprising sprit the world need more people like you. So glad you found the channel. It is sick. Horrible. Peace and Harmony

[@sapitabonita1]

Oh wow! This is my husband’s mother. I see it but he and his sibling’s don’t. Once, I caught her talking shit about me to my husband. I defended and she shut down. Whenever I tried to talk to her ( to clear the air) she would literally run away. First time I was baffled, unsure it happened. The second time I saw the pattern. By the third time I just stopped. They never talk about things, everything is swept under the rug. The daughter is so dependent on her mother. The way the mother talks to her daughter’s husband makes my skin crawl. His mother is cordial towards me,but she is so fake. She talks a lot and in circles. We do keep our distance for the most part. Family gatherings with them can be so lonely for me.

[@faithisthevictory2337]

That's discernment right there.

[@lewibrooke7879]

It is very fitting that a butterfly landed on your shoulder. The butterfly symbolises transformation 🤣😁

[@wjf5839]

You just described my mother to the tee!!

[@ashsteepingtea]

I wish I could have watched this when I first learned the dynamics of my family. Great tips and awesome explanation. Thanks for the support!

[@skeeterburke]

my ex husband was always calling me names and hating on me, but he was an alcoholic, not the breadwinner ... but "narcissist" fits him well ... bless his heart, hes trying

[@thegenerouschild7846]

this is so difficult to put in to words but you say it so well,thank you

[@privateprivate8366]

Another task is the covert hoarding narc parent. “Laden” is a good term for the feeling and reaction of it. Laden with pain, responsibility, the threat of something bad happening amidst it all, the understanding that it is to keep herself and her children bound, cemented and solitary, even though we don’t live with her. In addition, because she is aging, the covert-ness “appears” to be innocent, while in fact, it is growing exponentially. What makes it worse is that I have been absolutely vocal about what I think of how she handles things. She thinks I should say nothing, while I handle running her business, lending money (yes, I know I’ll never get it back unless I take the signed contracts to court) and help her occasionally to do things. But, although arguing with a narc does no good, I also know that I am not told to be silent.

[@privateprivate8366]

I can feel that, without even saying anything, my mother somehow keeps it “dark”. The thing to understand is that, even if you yield to their every demand - things are still dark, folks. They’re dark because the idea is to keep you trapped in Hell with them. They need to make you feel as if you still haven’t quite hit the note for them so, keep working for it. Although I didn’t know about narcissism a few years ago, I could occasionally feel that there was heavily subdued enthusiasm, when I did something for her that was positive, out of the ordinary, that she hadn’t asked for. The purpose of that is to have your scratching for approval, feeling perpetually less than and also because my mother was afraid of what I could do, that was better than what she could do. She couldn’t have me feeling positive about myself, although I’m a pretty confident, internally-referenced person, who didn’t need my mommy’s approval. She shouldn’t have bothered with me as, I’m definitely the type of person who feels, “Oh, you didn’t actually like what I did for you? Well, go screw yourself and let’s see if you can do it yourself. Yeah, thought not.”

[@chloecrandell]

Bless your heart!! & that butterfly was not a random happening!

[@kerrinmenard7450]

The narc parent cannot communicate, every sentence either starts with. Yes, but.... or: Why...? They will always say the right opposite and overlook facts in order to do so.- I went No Contact, anything else made no more sense. They are always working against their scapegoat, trying whatever to set him / her up for failure. They are truly sickening humans

[@peaceandharmony3137]

Thank you for sharing Kerrin it will help provide validation for many others. Have a beautiful day. Peace and Harmony

[@thishouseofglass]

Reminds me of how I’ll never speak to my mother again : )

[@hirohunter2314]

Grow up in narcissist family is hard, from my father to my sister all of them was narcissist. If i want to oppose their opinion, i need to do research before oppose them. They will raise their voice to show their powee. I'm 21 and i still can't hang out with my friends. I don't know if i can married. But what ironic, they say they can't take it anymore when the company ordered them to self quarantine just for few day. How about me?

[@solmassages9732]

It was very helpful to hear your advice to not share my accomplishments with my mother because she feels threatened by them and creates a need for me to stay small. Thank you! Do you recommend a great book on covert narcissist parents and recovery for their daughter?

[@alexguerra1668]

😳 I am so glad I found this

[@peaceandharmony3137]

Awesome! Glad you found the channel! Share it! Peace and Harmony

[@alexguerra1668]

@@peaceandharmony3137 definitely will do!

[@Gargobunny]

"If I give it to you, even if I tell you no matter what it's yours and I won't take it away, I can and will take it as I see fit." The Golden rule in my house.

[@pedrotorres7149]

About 1 month or so ago my narc mom showed me a picture of a man bathing what appeared to be his mother in a tin tub she looks at me and says "look Pedro isn't this just beautiful"? I have known for a while that everything wasn't what it seemed, I would feel (it is very difficult to explain, but a feeling of a heavy, smothering energy) a certain Invisible chain weighing me down, very hard to explain. Great vid P H

[@ziiineb9037]

Thank you for this video i have a covert narcissist parent and this video makes things very clear please do more videos about covert narcissist parents

[@AineSherman]

I needed to hear this today. Thank you. 🙏😊

[@adamv4951]

Wow this hits the nail on the head!

[@KyanasTube]

My parents said if I don't show them my job prospects, then no money for food

[@gujono.eiriksson8553]

Omg. That was super useful. You really nailed that, at least my mom, how her features are. It's such a covert manipulative way of "ruling". Why would you need to rule your own family?

[@peaceandharmony3137]

It is scary, when they rule this way this is how they get 'consensus' or "cooperation" with others and gain their support of you . So glad you found the channel, you do not need to live in pain . Peace and Harmony

[@thechristianpsychologer3865]

Nothing wrong with forgiving. Doesn't mean you have to associate. You pull away until the relationship becomes pleasant. If that means no contact to reach that point then okay. Please don't give these people your address, job, etc. Even if they are parents. Do it on your terms.

[@ebutuoywrw]

yes it is stressful, painful. He extinguished us not raising us up. abuse. oh yes.

[@firemelon7296]

Thank you sweetie! Very valuable piece of information. The butterfly took you as a beautiful flower :-)

[@mariannemorton5591]

How can children learn who the covert narcissist is?

[@loveforeignaccents]

You are SO right on!!

[@paulelkins5902]

Thank you so much for the great video! I resonated very deeply with it, painful as it is. Can you please refer me to further reading or literature about this particular dynamic? Thank you!!! 🙏

[@hilarycoombes9994]

I'm only 6 minutes in and this is 100% my experience of my CNF and my family

[@Elizabeth-vk4yq]

What if when you become autonomous, you lose the love

[@hirohunter2314]

And everything changed

[@aprilnelly]

Thank you, rite on time

[@yawbear]

I always questioned my moms sisters, for telling me she was controlling. When my dad told me not to let her put me down because she was nuts, I wasn’t shocked but since no diagnosis was ever given to her she continued to pull stings, or spin plates to suit her claims. My father illnesses were my fault for marrying young and moving away, in her opinion he hated me. My brother takes care of her, yet she says he wants to put her in a nut house and because I would not believe her I am also nuts. She still remains at large, no one visits her because she is always criticizing others. She however spends her time at her dad and younger sisters house when she feels the need to feed. I lost track of how long its been that I haven’t spoken to her because I cannot stop thinking about how I am such a bad daughter for not having a relationship with her anymore. It is the last thing she said to me knowing how effectively that scorn would hurt.