Narcissistic Father or Mother: Why They Can’t Stand You

In this video I uncover the truth about why your narcissistic parent rejected you and couldn't stand you.
This is how I can help you👇🏼
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➡️ Recommended Playlists:
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For over 45 Years, Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC has helped 1000s of People in the Same Situation as You… As a family system and self-differentiation coach, he uses his knowledge to help clients permanently get unstuck from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships and build a true sense of self.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to substitute for professional counseling help. Be sure to consult a professional in helping you with these integrate and utilize these concepts.
🔥Access my FREE Training - "Build The Differentiated-Self You Were Never Allowed To Have!"
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[@jerrywise]

Join my recovery program👇🏼 Get the tools, insight, and guidance you need to get family dysfunction out of you, move beyond childhood trauma & stand strong as your differentiated-self in relationships and life. program.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/

[@nickybjammin7629]

💯 jealousy I found most of the adults around me to be childish, but not like me when I chose to play with toys, like something hasn’t developed in them that has already developed in me and that is what they’re jealous of. ….. December 3rd/2023, I’m back to add to this comment. Also need to add that my dad beat the ever loving hell out of me alot LOL don’t worry I’m good I understood that human psychology of people, but it made me really intelligent as far as reading people in the world and knowing how far I was going to get one person at one job can literally stop you from rolling the world if you had the cure for cancer I can give you tons of examples narcissism is everywhere, and there is no law that can protect you against it. As a matter of fact, all the laws will protect you if you become a narcissist, and you will climb straight to the top. … if you think everything I’m saying is a little far-fetched or too absolutely to be true, just look around at the nation, and look who’s wishes came true. Look at the type of people that became rollers of the world ( narcissist💯, for the whole world to see, it’s a zip. It takes a bigger narcissist to expose the little narcissist)

[@nickybjammin7629]

Hey, use the television networks and the Politicians for a good example real quick…. you know because it’s the exact same thing and everybody will notice the narcissism on such a Mass scale if they haven’t noticed already LOL

[@LR-yu3mx]

Jerry You explain the situation so accurately. They often told me how the nanny hid me away when my big, strong father wanted to beat me. Just wondering how could I raise my children with love and no beating or clapping .I tried to be the opposite of my mother .

[@andreaglass2950]

@@docwhammo I know exactly what you mean

[@igormendoncacanga2569]

Thank you very much Dr. Jerry; your videos corroborate my personal paradigm, I am thirty years old and I stigmatically still live with my family and yesterday was a painful day with my father and mother (mostly with my father). Me and my brother have struggled with parental narcissism and the narcissism of my sister as well. This whole video resonates with me. I live in Africa, Angola more specifically, and this malignant narcissistic dysfunction regarding parenting is globally pandemic, sadly.

[@SteveJones379]

Parents that bring children into the world and then fail to love and nurture are awful pathetic humans.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

My mother is adamantly prolife but because of her behavior, all 3 of her adult children struggle with mental health issues. She only has contact with 4 of the 13 people in our family. She gave birth but it didnt make her a mother.

[@MrClintL]

Jerry, I’m 66 now. I always suspected that my parents mostly had four children because back in the 1950s, that’s what was expected in order to fit in and be “normal.”

[@samuelbrown7831]

Indeed

[@Arcticwind-xw6qg]

Women choose. Men don’t.

[@jenniferraymond9766]

Barely humans

[@khadijahnyabinghi]

They are our first bullies and we are so scared of them when we are children. The physical and verbal abuse is nerve racking.

[@paulastarkey9973]

Exactly.

[@DHW256]

As a young child, I was the only family member who would stand up to Mom and, wow, I paid a heavy price! Eventually, by her own chronic, repetitive admissions, I learned she resented the fact I was ever born -- she saw me as the reason she couldn't lave Dad for failing to be a perfect father to her own illegitimate first-born daughter. I wish these videos on narcissism had been around many years ago, so that I might be able to share them with family before our parents died, so that we _might_ find some resolution.

[@starseeds8121]

Yes, it is.

[@metoo9360]

@DHW256, Same scenario. Youngest if 6. Oldest sibling (brother) never got along with our biological father. Mom always took her firstborn's side. I didn't learn that he was not my father's son until the day after my father died. I was eleven.

[@DHW256]

@@metoo9360 Wow! I was the fourth of six, first of my parents together, but I was also eleven when I accidentally figured out Mom and Dad got married less than a year before I was born, which provoked Mom's rage. Everything was a "secret" to hide Mom's shame for having a kid out of wedlock, for getting kicked out of the USMC, for failing to graduate from high school with her class, etc. But I don't believe great success would have brought her any happiness -- she would have found some way to make people miserable with it.

[@truescotsman4103]

This one is simple. Your narcissistic parents can't stand you because you're strong and they're weak. That's pretty much it.

[@CRD-hi6vk]

Facts. That sums it up.

[@matrixnavigator6669]

Belief...They believe they are weak, based on their upbringing by bad parents and not seeing they could have healed. Couple this with your natural strength as an innocent child that naturally shines through....and since they didn't see the same was true for them when they were children with bad parents, they pass it on. At some point, someone sees and can help end the cycle.

[@truescotsman4103]

@@matrixnavigator6669 well both of my parents knew they were weak and they were. They failed miserably as parents before any of us even reached adulthood. Some people truly are horrible failures in life

[@timothyjones1906]

I am 62 years I just realized that my parents were not good parents. Felt alone and unloved my whole life . Finally cut off all contact with my whole family, best decision I ever made . Finally started to achieve goals in my life . Always wanted the best for everyone in my family, I finally realized that my mom and dad never wanted me to be more successful than them . And would actually do things to harm my success. Worst advice I ever got was to honor thy father and mother . Yes !!!!! Honor your father and mother BUT your father and mother MUST be HONORABLE people. My parents were not .

[@truescotsman4103]

@@timothyjones1906 wow that's exactly my same story. My parents were horrible people My mother was a prostitute while having children in the house there were three of us she worked on and off throughout our lives all the way up until she was in her late '50s. My dad was a heroin junkie burglar probably one of her John's. I think about it sometimes and I'm blown away by the fact that these are two of the most dysfunctional people I've ever experienced in my life. And that's saying a lot because I've been around a lot of really toxic dysfunctional people. Imagine people like that trying to keep you down and not allow you to be more successful than them. I'm finishing up my computer science degree this year they both been dead for about 8 years.

[@katiewarren443]

The heartache and terror of being hated by your mother stays with you your whole life. An absolute travesty.

[@an_anishinaabe_son]

All my relatives present as narcissists.

[@missstranger7697]

Or by your father undermining your pain... Truly a terryfying experience.

[@SteveJohnson-uu9ew]

So true

[@dianehereshko2051]

Absolutely 💯 right that's why I'm a loan wolf

[@gaylaaustin7468]

You have to ask yourself why they have children at all-of course we know the answer-so that they can abuse them. That is sick and criminal.

[@kburton1244]

It will always bewilder me as to why it’s legal to raise a child in this type of environment. It’s criminal and demonic

[@jamesrutter4100]

It's built into the system. Capitalism NEEDS victims to make profits from. They(the greedy rich) need "suckers " and "underlings" to lord it over and rule over and use for THIER "profitability

[@foothillgirl7989]

And communists don't need victims? You trust any government with deciding who may have children?

[@starseeds8121]

I agree

[@DJH97]

Agree. My father should’ve sat in jail for the abuse he inflicted on my sisters and I. My sisters got the belt so bad they couldn’t be sent to school because we had to wear dresses back then and the bruises were visible. I as the youngest got the board with holes in it. As an adult my father sexually propositioned me while drunk one night. My mother sat back and watched it all and never did a thing. Needless to say we have all been married multiple times and don’t even speak to each other much. My parents had kids to serve them. Do the cleaning cooking washing ironing baking lawn work etc. Never a bday party for any one us kids. Never a family vacay. Nothing. And the parents still think they were great parents and won’t hear of anything but. The abuse continued into adulthood just in different methods. Rejection. False blame. Won’t put forth any effort into a relationship. I’ve walked away. Thank God I finally got to that point.

[@starseeds8121]

@@DJH97 I got to that point as well.

[@zennihilist6590]

When I was 10, my mother, whom I had a desperate trauma-bond with, sent me to live with my abusive dad. At 12, I was made a ward of the state, and spent the next 6 years in group homes and foster homes while my mother went first to college, and then to graduate school TO BECOME A PSYCHOTHERAPIST. She has been very successful in the 35 years since. For a long time, I was not. After foster care I chased her and got just enough attention to keep me addicted to her, and I could never understand why I couldn't become a functional adult. A year ago, she moved to another state. I was devastated. But I have since thrived. Her absence was the best gift I have ever been given, I have been able to excavate my own agency and acknowledge the truth of my own story. I could never understand why no one else in the family would come to my rescue, and then a couple of weeks ago I stumbled upon the 22 Rules of Narcissitic Families. I am still very much in the process of learning how to understand everything that happened without the influence of her self-serving interpretation. You help a lot, Jerry.

[@kimberlyfowler5748]

My mom was a counselor with a Batchelor degree, and was a narcissist, crazy

[@judiths3401]

Hello there @zen, I feel your pain! Both of my covert malignant narcissists trained as social workers!!! My sister and I had to live in the children's homes where they worked, so they could look after other people's children! You couldn't make it up. I'm 62 now and still recovering. All the best to you for a brighter future ❤️.

[@zennihilist6590]

Its awful, isn't it? I spent my young adulthood failing, floundering at her indifferent feet while she made a career out of getting people to pay her to be their hero. She was the "expert" on every feeling, every motivation, every method of communication. She was never wrong, interpersonal relations was her field. I was gaslighted into believing I was the one with the personality disorder. Doing good therapy now, though. The grief-work is hard, but the alchemy of turning "dirty pain" to "clean pain" is making this chapter of my life like the scene where black-and-white Dorothy first opens the door onto the amazing technicolor world of Oz. Beauty and horror abound, I am grateful to have survived and for whatever time I have left, and even for all this hard work I get to do.

[@joycleckley2881]

God Bless you!!! Thank goodness you found Jerry, another 1 is Narcissist Chroncicles. Now at 62 yrs old figured out both my parents were narcs. Have made and kept boundaries. Loving self, tho thought I did but didn't. Our whole lives are their creation. Keep on keeping on as we said in the 1970's.😂💚. Connect with mother Gaia/Earth, very much helps with self care! Keep loving and growing. Peace, love and light to you.😍

[@whn3344]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserved a better Mom. You will get the last laugh because she’s the miserable pauper, not you. God has been the parent to me that no one could have been. Even though it would be nice to have someone here, you’re better off without her. Feel better soon and I’m so glad you’re on a better path 🪴

[@emilyknowlton8602]

You could cure cancer. and they STILL won't acknowledge your accomplishment.

[@sonnyc3826]

yes nothing is ever good enough

[@Imissyoulou]

@@sonnyc3826 Which is why you move on and do well in life.

[@deb4610]

True

[@mycottagekitchenRecipes]

Why they hate you… 1. 0:24 You’re Innocent 2. 1:25 You’re Dependent (& obedient) 3. 2:32 You become assertive 4. 3:07 You waiver in your loyalty to them 5. 4:27 You are Inconvenient 6. 7:07 You take the focus away from them 7. 9:10 They have to share influence with others. (Neighbors, Teachers, Pastors). They want to be the only one influencing you.

[@aliraelei3313]

They seem to hate everything you do, because you have more intellect and you we don't have to copy and steal from others and put on a big act.

[@LucyKelly-of6cu]

They seem to have problems with everything!

[@lifeguidance3579]

0:50 they don’t like your innocence because they’re not innocents. I think they don’t like virgins.

[@fightback397]

​@@LucyKelly-of6cu That is my experience they have problems with everyone , criticize everybody and are never happy . Angry all the time .

[@Cosmic-Cat.]

​@@fightback397True.

[@sarahcouture24]

Makes sense. They have a role you are expected to play, they hand you the script, and if you step out of charachter in any way, you are considered a bad actor in the narcissists theatre production of their life.

[@stingylizard]

Sarah nailed it. Sad,but true

[@starseeds8121]

Yes

[@user-nh2dn9fg7d]

So true ... my role was that of housekeeper & maid to my mother. When I was 5 years old I was expected to start doing the evening dishes every night while my 2 brothers never had to do the dishes or clean anything. I was put in charge of doing most of the housework, and all my brothers were expected to do was to take out the trash each week. When I was around 10 years old I spoke up and finally said something about how unfair this was, but my mom & dad immediately shut that down and told me that children are to be seen and not heard and to simply do as I was told and not to worry about my brothers. Yeah parents actually said that sort of thing back then. That's when i discovered that those in authority are not fair and I lost my will to live at age 12--even tried to take my own life at that age. Thanks mom & dad. But I'm 67 and they're both gone. And I'm the one still standing!

[@starseeds8121]

@@user-nh2dn9fg7d glad you are still standing.

[@websurfer5772]

@@user-nh2dn9fg7d Yeah, I wanted to commit hari kari at age 9 actually. I started to try but didn't have the guts. I'm glad that I didn't now though. Keep on healing. 🧡

[@ladennayoung2939]

I feel like I discovered that about my mom recently. She is a covert narcissist. So I didn't realize that she was abusive towards me. I think they get jealous of the fact that you are genuine and authentic. Yes. That is true. I can see that and understand that now.

[@websurfer5772]

Yes! Welcome to our club - and sorry. 😐

[@eurekaelephant2714]

I reckon they do too. And they are intimidated by it too.

[@emilieholtmeier2409]

For sure

[@timorthelame1]

Yes, and I suspect they think you're being fake when you show real sympathy and empathy towards them or others. By the way, you have an amazing smile. Just thought you could use a genuine observation and compliment. Stay strong.

[@elizabethmadron1336]

Yes. They are also jealous of people. My mother is a covert somatic narcissist. She is very weight conscious. She makes fun of people that weight over 115 lbs. It is so toxic. People that go to church with her and are more talented, pretty and nice are the targets. Her old boss that is a nice person is also a target. If she only knew the mean things my mother has said about her. I should write a book. My father's relatives that are rich are also targeted. Who cares if people are not size 6? She really has a mental problem. She would get on my case if I gained 5 lbs as a teenager. Jerry have you heard of this?

[@jimmysroom5132]

"they have children but maybe many of them shouldn't". Thank god someone else understands.

[@pamelaminor696]

I would say that NONE of them should have children! They just want someone to push around & abuse.

[@beebee9803]

"They have children ---- NONE of them should !!!" That is why (having survived an NPD mother and passive/fearful but loving father), I was relieved to find out I could never bear children. At least I would not continue such a destructive cycle.

[@francoiset1068]

But they're blessed to have many and with no trouble at all my mother had nine of us I was the youngest one the one she should love because being the baby but not she hated me and she used to tell me so growing up she put all my siblings against me just for existing I was hated bullied by them all if my brothers would hurt me or still and brake my toys I would cry she would give me such a hiding that I have to cry my self to sleep I grew up scared of having a boyfriend until I was 18 because of the way I was brought up never to look for love anywhere else and when I found my first love he was as good as her and distroyed my life I thought my mother would console me she used my pain to put all my siblings against me because I done so much to her I had a stroke at 19 she keep on telling is your fault look what you're doing to me in my death bed thanks God I survived but she was happy I survived because she kept using it as a way to keep putting everyone against me because of what I did to her wtf after all that pain and suffering I finally found my husband and wanted to have a family of my own but I had nothing but trouble to conceive and give birth and when my first daughter was born she got very sick and nearly died and I went crying to her thinking she was going to hug me at least one in my life but what she told me WHY ARE YOU CRYING I LOST THREE AND IM HERE I couldn't believe it i have three beautiful children that I adore and they adore me .this people don't deserve that privilege of having children 😢

[@paulrichards2365]

@@beebee9803 Partly why I never had children.

[@michellevibonese5673]

I can recall telling my Mother as a very young teenager, "you had no business having another child." She smirked at me. SMH

[@aammssaamm]

Each and every child is extremely honest until he or she gets punished for speaking out the truth and learns to shut up or lie to fit the "society". This is how we start destroying ourselves. I don't think there is a single child in this world without such a painful experience.

[@websurfer5772]

When it happened to me that I realized I needed to lie for my own safety as a child, I remember feeling proud of myself for being able to successfully carry it off. I knew I'd only need to do it with my N mom, and I was mostly right. I also knew she was a momster. I'm adopted though and I'm nothing like her, so maybe that helped. I'm still needing to work through everything else about how she raised me though.

[@aammssaamm]

@@websurfer5772 We all had to lie for our own safety one way or another. A lot of children are very observant, which could lead them to genius, and instead it gave more pain than they can handle at that age. Some people can get mad even because you know something better than them, or if you are obviously smarter. I used to get a lot of this kind of reactions from different people. The worst one was when I simply looked friendly and relaxed after my great vacation travel. You never know what can drive some people nuts. It took me years to learn how to get back to telling the truth to myself and others.

[@websurfer5772]

@@aammssaamm Thanks for your comment. It's so difficult here, I can't even believe it.

[@lhurdle87]

Truth-tellers are shunned in this wicked society.

[@taylorpresley4604]

My mother used to shame me for feeling angry, went through 2 severe depressions due to stuffing my anger, no more.

[@smoothandchunky1]

I agree with all of these but also want to add potential. My narc "father" HATED the potential he saw in me and worked very hard to sabotage me from a very young girl well into adulthood.

[@amarbyrd2520]

Doc Ramani did a whole video on how narcissists try to do their best to sabotage the potential of their children I did a Google search on "narcissistic parents sabotage" and there are pages and pages of articles 😳

[@crazychristmas100]

Same here!

[@theforensicbadass]

Yes!!!! That's a definite. They hate our potential AND they despise our accomplishments. They always sabotage both potential and accomplishments, along with our goals and dreams. Once you remove urself from these toxic people you almost wait for them to show up somewhere in time no matter how strong ur not contact is, bc they relentlessly try to ruin you. They're sick.

[@SpiritAnimal1212]

Same here.

[@theLampSA]

My father was the same with me.

[@shipratrika2586]

My narc parent had an narcissistic injury when I was 6 yr old. The guests at the party praised my singing skills. She could not stand my light, my talent, my innocence that she tried to kill me..but I survived that attack and froze for 40 yrs.. staying naïve, innocent and a big inconvenience but helpless/voiceless..attracting more and more abuse from narcs from every corner, never sung in front of anybody ever. Now healing for last 10 years after a spiritual awakening. Road to healing is long when you have known trauma/abuse all your life.😢

[@johedges5946]

Please sing, sing your heart out. It's a gift and will bring you joy - you so deserve it. (I'm tone deaf😂 please get Spotify , sing ALL day! Xx

[@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql]

It does take a lifetime of healing

[@maureenharrison6170]

Sing your heart out dear!

[@elizabethmadron1336]

Similar to me with my narc dad. I was sing in church (in congregation) and he told me I could not sing. So for over 40 years I thought I was tone deaf. 2 years ago my boyfriend (who was in all state chorus) heard me singing a song from The Who. He said ,Beth you can sing on Key! I said are you for real. I have a hard time hearing myself due to an autoimmune hearing problem in my left ear. HUEY Lewis has it. Mine is no wear near as bad and in controlled by meds. Any way I really started concentrating on singing. My voice is a little weak and I need to work on my vibrato but I can match the notes perfectly after hearing the song 3 times. Now I also played the flute from age 8 to 16 and bassoon from 16 to 18 that may have helped. I always wanted to play piano and my parents said NO. That is my great heartache. My dad would push me to play solos for relatives like a stage parent at Christmas time which I hated. Then suddenly when he was 40 he decided to learn to play the clarinet. He wanted some of the limelight. It was strange. Like he was competing with me and my brother. My brother played the trumpet. We did not want to play for the relatives like trained seals. It was our vacation. My dad's parents were narc too. He was trying to get approval at 40. He never got it. I saw right through all of that stuff. LOL!

[@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql]

@@elizabethmadron1336 I took piano lessons and was not good at all. My dad offered my services to the school choir. I played once during rehearsal and was never asked again . Lol

[@oldsoul3733]

Both my parents were narcissists. I suffered from dreadful tonsillitis and I was finally at the top of the waiting list to have them removed in hospital. My parents were planning a holiday so they canceled my op. This happened twice when I was a child and I had to wait until I was 18 to sort it myself. THEN because I kept getting tonsillitis I missed a lot of school and they blamed me and yelled at me because 1 couldn't work, or they couldn't go to a bbq etc.. and how much I was costing them in doctors visits and meds so I was on a constant guilt trip. That's just 1 example. My heart goes out to everyone affected by narcissistic parents it's just the worst experience 🙏❤

[@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql]

I don’t understand why my dad was mad when we got sick, just regular kids sickness, we were not sick that often either.

[@john-ic5pz]

perceived weakness inconvenience because that's how his parents treated him when he got sick a bit of each? ❤️‍🩹

[@elizabethmadron1336]

Yes, I got leg pains when I ran laps during gym. That was in 7th grade. My father was a track star in high school. I told him. He told me to stretch more. Nothing worked. This was running on grass! I always knew something was wrong with me. I was born thee months premature and weighed 1 pound 14 0z. The hospital bill was large and they allowed my parents 10yrs to pay it off. I told my mom about the pains. She would never tell my doctor. My doctor never asked me alone what was bothering me. This only happened when I ran. When I hit 33 I started getting pain in my hands and back. It spread all over. At 35, I was diagnosed with 3 forms.of arthritis, hypothyroid and fibromyalgia. I told my parents and they said we do not understand why you are sick? I have since researched premature births and found out that If you survive and are lucky to not have alot wrong in the beginning, you will get it later in life.

[@sayawolf1061]

Omg yes! They totally ignored my health problems as well!

[@basicwindtec9780]

Yeah, I also had tonsilitis. It's one of the ways the stress can cause you physical harm. Those on the recieving end of this crap get some sort of physical illness.

[@mollyb1983]

My mother was a master at enmeshment when I was younger and me being my sweet little self, I complied with most everything she asked of me. As I grew into an adult, that’s when I realized my selfhood was injurious to her. As a 34-year-old, during one of her narcissistic rages, she sarcastically barked at me, “What’s the matter, Molly? Afraid I’ll steal your thunder?” It chills me to the bone to remember that’s how she truly feels at her core.

[@krisluvsutube2684]

That's the mind warp they have. Always trying to be on top like it's a competition. Its impossible to fathom the delusional mind set these individuals have yet they can hide it when they need to.

[@healerscreek]

She was definitely projecting. She was desperately afraid you'd steal her thunder!

[@carolnahigian9518]

Every thing Doctor says; our Folks did! Wow it all 'rings a Bell

[@michelleduncan9965]

@@healerscreek Right on healer.

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Yes, such a shocking betrayal and disappointment to realize this is the mind-set of someone you thought cared for you and was above competing with you. Is like realizing you live with the school bully who was only pretending to be your friend. They are emotionally immature, emotionally r*tarded, I use the word correctly here in context to the topic and I will clarify that I use it with the intention to convey arrested development, which seems to be the modern euphemism for this now controversial word. The narcissistic parent is emotionally stuck at a surprisingly young age, seems to be around the time they chose to have no soul or true emotion so they could stop feeling the unbearable effects of their own trauma. I have heard there are 2 ways you can go as a child in a narcissistic family, Im not sure what exactly governs the choice or whether it is even a conscious choice or just an intense reaction that spontaneously creates a whole life path, a little sprinkle of the concept of karmic patterns that follow us through lifetimes... I was made the family scapegoat, I had strong empathic tendencies as a child, I remember seeing a man fall from his bike and injure himself in front of me, my heart almost broke with concern for him, I said are you alright? and walked to him, I remember he acted embarrassed and just rode away, but I remember this event because it was intense and surprise even me. I think I was about 9 or 10. I have had my heart chewed up and stomped on multiple times, because Im an eternal empath. As painful as it has been and continues to be, Im glad I have retained my heart, it is a little jaded and broken, but my relationship to love will never waver, not to any person in particular, but to the force of Love Itself.

[@Falconlibrary]

My Mom still hates me. All my life, I wondered what was wrong with me. I missed a lot of the joy of life because I thought myself unlovable.

[@carlawilson2194]

I read your comment and thought I wrote it. I hope we heal.

[@Imissyoulou]

@@carlawilson2194 Carla, you can heal. My egg donor hated me and I hated her. I missed out on a lot of normal activities in childhood. I left at 18, formed another family with people that LOVED me. I realize everybody does not have that and I understand your sentiments, but keep on pushing, you can do it. Do well in life and love yourself.

[@TerriMartinez]

My mom hated me and loved my sister didn't bother me till now I'm older when she'd say I was nothing if tell her that means she is to cuz can't get nothing from something and God made me as special as anyone else my sister just put her in a nursing home ooops picked wrong daughter

[@txspacemom765]

My mother was my first bully. I was her scapegoat for the life SHE choose. She let people do whatever to me to punish me. I was accepted to an excellent college, on an art scholarship. She REFUSED to sign for me and I lost the opportunity. I left at 18 and she acted like a martyr for the rest of her life.

[@beebee9803]

I finally made "The Great Escape" at 19 --- my mother played the part (milked it, really) of "the hearbroken, loving mother whose daughter crushed her heart, by running away in secret, & causing HER so much pain." Years after my mother died, I would run into her friends (who totally bought her performance) --- they would glare at me hard enough that it was a miracle I didn't burst into flames !! NPD --- "the gift that KEEPS ON GIVING, even AFTER the perpetrator is dead." 👎😞.

[@NikkiC777]

That really sucks. What an awful thing to do. I would have forged her signature if she wouldn't sign. Because she was doing a pretty dumb thing throwing away a chance to use a scholarship and receive a free college education at a great college.

[@satyasatya6694]

My mother did the same thing to me, I feel your pain, may god bless you, anytime I get time I pray for you , and others who go through such pain and torment.

[@txspacemom765]

Same to you!

[@jeanettecook1088]

Wow! My narc female parent did the same to me! I'd bring home outstanding report cards, and she'd refuse to sign them! I had to wait days and days for her to sign, and I told her I'd be in trouble with my teachers if I didn't bring back the signed cards. This started in 3rd grade and lasted till 12th! Awful people, narcs. There should be a test every adult woman has to take, for narcissism and every other disorder dangerous to children, when she is pregnant. If only we had a system that could prevent the abuse to children this disorder is guaranteed to cause! 😢

[@user-nh2dn9fg7d]

I'm the oldest of 3 children .... and the middle brother took the brunt of our mom's coldness & distance. She once told my younger brother that she wished that my middle brother had "never been born" .... and just last year he took his own life. So she never told my middle brother that, but she showed it with her actions, and he had a very hard life struggling with drugs & alcohol from a young age. He was 64. R.I.P. dear brother 💓

[@timmywitty1432]

How incredibly sad!

[@websurfer5772]

Yeah, I used to hear, "I WISH YOU KIDS HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!!" on the daily when I was young. Are they given handbooks at the hospital when they have kids, or what?

[@taylorpresley4604]

Wow, how tragic. I hope you are healing.

[@laureenprice8123]

So sorry! RIP

[@websurfer5772]

@@laureenprice8123 Rest in Pieces is more how like how I feel.

[@meanimeconingles]

"Who did you get that thought from?" "I don't understand you and I never will" "You always do everything wrong" "Everything is good but it is bad" (Applies silent treatment for months living in the same house). "That never happened" "You have to leave!" "You're Satan" "You could've done better (I got a 10)" (I am a teacher of English language) "Being a doctor is way up better than just being a teacher" All this is what my parents tell me. Thank you for reading me.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Please, allow me to add: - You are crazy - You are so weird - How told you to do...?

[@karenwinter7701]

After my husband and I came back from our honeymoon, we stopped at my parents house and were greeted with “well, she’s your problem now”…

[@pamelaminor696]

I had a narcissistic house mate who would give me the silent treatment. At first I was unaware they were doing so & I just felt glad they weren't yammering on about themselves.

[@mandeemisunderstood4944]

I too heard every example listed here from my mother. It took many years of therapy to heal. It truly saddens me to see that so many others had to endure the confusing nightmare childhood that I did. It's heartbreaking. Sending peace love light and positivity to all here. I'm so thankful to come across and learn from Jerry! He is spot on!

[@Jess-kn8vl]

​​​@@karenwinter7701My mother said the same thing. But then for years was contacted after living 2 states away, expecting me to take care of and be overly concerned with their problems, most which they caused themselves. I thought I was the problem though? I was a 21 year old with a fulltime job and a mortgage trying to make it.

[@dianehereshko2051]

I could never make my mom happy. Just the fact I breathed pissed her off.

[@falconbritt5461]

"You have children so you have someone to take care of you in your old age." To be put up with and abused so you can be used more later.

[@elizabethmadron1336]

My mom tried that one. I AM DISABLED NOW. My golden child brother is her Power of attorney. He has been a screw up his entire life. It will be interesting how he takes care of her. He has been a screw up financially too. My mom will have to rely on him financially too. My narc father just died and left things in a mess. My brother can't handle money because my parent enabled the golden child. They even paid his child support. Sounds like a Dr. PHILL show.

[@nightnurse7777]

Yeah, my mother knows that I will never take care of her. She made snide comments in the past how Amish don't have nursing homes but take care of parents. I'd rather die first, than take care of her.

[@autumngrace8541]

​@nightnurse7777 I had gone no contact with my mother. Many years before she died of cancer. We had a fight several years before the no contact, I told her I'd never be there to care for her, she'd have to rely on her golden child daughter...she used all of us kids against each other, my father was a narc and hated on my brother all his life, and narc mother used him as a shield to her feeling "worth" as a "protective" parent. So much crap these monsters do to people.

[@Capronice]

My parents are all about how they look to others. My opinions were alway shut dow by my father. I was alway accused of acting like a baby. They never gave their children respect. My father is abusive to this day towards my mother. I can’t stand to see it. My mother will deny it is or ever happened.

[@arsenelupiniii8040]

Glad my parents are gone and don't have to suffer themselves anymore truly abhorrent folks.

[@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry]

They can "love" you, but if they fail to really nurture and coach you in a positive and consistent way, and instead think that their hyper-criticism, contempt and know-it-all-ism is somehow helpful to you, especially in the ages of 12-18, then the result will be far from their liking. And guess who'll they'll blame?

[@websurfer5772]

Ahmmm.... me?! I'm ALWAYS to blame. You see, I'm The Problem.

[@reesedaniel5835]

And in my case, they only "loved" me when certain people were watching.

[@thecatfarm]

💯

[@l.5832]

My narc mother, I believe, liked it when I was a baby because she could dress me up, and it would get HER attention....ooo let me see your baby. But at home she neglected me. She liked it when I started school because I was 'out of her hair' but I notice after I was over 8 years old she lost interest in me entirely. And I knew it at the time. 😔

[@jo-annahicks3324]

So very sorry you had such selfish, self-serving Parenting...you deserved much better.

[@nellie9352]

That was about same time as my mother completely stepped aside to micromanage me into caring for two younger siblings. I often kept what I was thinking to myself as I had learned my truthful statements were met with physical violence, but I blurted out “you don’t love any of us”. Her rage made that the last time I ever spoke my thoughts around her or anyone that might get it back to her. It was outlandish that other people (neighbors who didn’t know is at all) would always comment “how lucky you are to have a mom like her” (!!!) after a few years I would just say she’s not like that at home.

[@jazzy07891]

I felt this so much😢. This is how I was done. Very covert emotional abuse.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

@@jazzy07891 ❤‍🩹

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

❤‍🩹

[@LONESTARINDIE]

My very earliest memories are of my parents being very mean to me, at 3 or 4 they hated me, i was born the wrong gender, they only wanted boys, I wish they had given me up so I could have had a warm loving family, instead of a cold, abusive, dysfunctional one

[@SarahJay-te9ne]

Same, they told me i was a burden bcz i was ugly. They cut me off from othersthey told siblings thwt i a 5-7 year child is their enemy. They used to beat me if i spoke loudly bcz they hated my voice. They dismissed my complains, even beat me up for it. At 2yr of age they had a nickname for me "failure". They enjoyed to see me in pain and helplessness. I saw i relief and joy ij their eyes when i cried and told them i wanna die. I saw them agitated when i told them about my little acievements. They sabotaged me or belitteled me and even cursed me and my future. I still live with them on gray rocks. I need prayers to move away be independant and go no contacts otherwise i will have to commit suicide. Prayers needed

[@renegade-master29]

I said the same about my parents, I should have been adopted, and in my childhood, I was just a bad reminder of their toxic relationship, mentally battered from pillow to post. I despise them

[@meleshenko3767]

@@renegade-master29 Your parents sound so selfish that selfish isn’t a strong enough word. I can hear the pain in your comment. But remember that forgiveness is a gift to ourselves, like a blanket that relieves the cold. I wish you peace, freedom, friends, love.

[@traciesommerville3819]

Ditto.

[@renegade-master29]

@meleshenko3767 sorry for the late reply back and thank you for your kind words , most appreciated 🌤 and yes, they are some of the most tight fisted selfish people you could ever want to meet 🤦‍♂️

[@shipratrika2586]

They don’t like you being dependent and they don’t want you to be assertive (independent) These both are contradictory.

[@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql]

You spoke the truth! And that is where all the childhood confusion comes into play.

[@john-ic5pz]

it's a double bind, no win situation. a favorite tool of narcissists everywhere

[@jrg4313]

Exactly. This video explains what happened in my life. Pushing me to be independent but forcing me to be dependent on them. I understand so much now after watching this video

[@antinatalist9995]

Such breeders will never be satisfied.

[@ginalange3717]

I think this is the very reason that I can’t seem to become a confident and independent adult even at 39 yo. I just have so much confusion about this because my mom played both sides. She hates me and wants me to get the F away from her but she would rather keep me close to her because her only identity is to be needed by someone (really just martyring herself) and she wants to use me and keep me in misery just to satisfy herself

[@monicaperez2843]

I was rarely allowed to have friends over growing up.

[@Lyrielonwind]

My mother physically abused my best friend (she pushed her harshly against the kitchen counter). Months later she asked me why I didn't have friends. I told her I had them but never invited them home. She didn't say anything because she knew why.

[@okiedokie4358]

Me too but they were contradictive, they wanted me to play out but I wasn’t allowed any friends

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

My mum wouldn’t allow friends over, and told me not to go in friend’s houses. I had a hard time explaining to my friends’ parents, as I didn’t know the reasons myself. I asked my mum in my 30’s what the reason was, she just stared into space in silence. My parents never felt the need to explain anything. I think it’s the same reason they don’t have a TV or friends. Living in a bubble, perhaps they thought we’d never question their odd behaviours.

[@Frances864]

I always wondered why my parents had any children. They never took any interest in any of us, or gave advice or talked about our futures or told us they were proud of us, or told us they loved us, or hugged us or anything. I guess image? But, boy can I relate to this channel. Just found it. My new favorite if you can describe favorite as finding out why I should feel normal about not wanting to have a relationship with my mom. ❤❤❤

[@pennyc7064]

Your comment made me tear up as what you described is the same for me. This is a great channel, Jerry has a lot of videos to help with healing from this trauma. Take care!

[@1980shameka]

I’ve often wondered the same. I was an only child for 15 years, too. Crazy.

[@nightnurse7777]

Same here.

[@deeandrews7051]

Some of them just like babies. After about 3 yrs. old, you are just a burden, holding them back "from going to California." That's all I ever heard.

[@equalityforall5620]

I have always been ashamed to admit that my parents didn't like me. I have probably always been ashamed to even think it, but I know it's true. I think this was the start of my problems: I have never felt good enough. So it's amazing to see this video. I was always the Truth teller and then became the Scapegoat, so this all makes sense. I think my parents always hated hearing the truth.

[@user-mq8bh5jz6j]

Fellow scapegoat! I think we should start a club!

[@janmontesinos6384]

Another fellow scapegoat. I was to blame for everything that was wrong in my narc mother's life. I was in my 30s when I realised that she didn't like me! I told my paternal grandmother. She was always kind, loving and a good role model. At my revelation, she, bless her responded, "Never mind, you can be my little girl"

[@websurfer5772]

@@janmontesinos6384 Awww! How sweet. 💞

[@reesedaniel5835]

@@janmontesinos6384 That sounds like my paternal grandmother. She was so good to me, I consider her my REAL mother. I miss her so much. 😪

[@janmontesinos6384]

I consider my Nan to be my real mother as well. I was so lucky to have her. When I decided to return to school at age 21 I enrolled my 4 year old in kindergarten and my 2 year old in childcare. Narc mother was dramatic, telling all her flying monkeys that she would have to leave work to look after them. My narc enabling father said that he didn't know why I was bothering to educate myself. Unbeknown to me, my 72 year old Nan enrolled my older son at a kindergarten near her house, and she cared for them both. She was action, not words. She died over 20 years ago but I am grateful to her every day.@@reesedaniel5835

[@tishamonroe7418]

my mother resented my dependency so much that at 3 years old, I was aware that it was my job to mother her!!! Did anyone else get screamed at "WHAT GOES ON INTHIS HOUSE STAYS IN THIS HOUSE!!" sure sign of physical and mental abuse!

[@antinatalist9995]

Oh yes, they were clearly frightened of people finding out what they were really like behind closed doors.

[@jesusreturning3003]

Basically you will always be in the wrong, no matter what u do or dont do, its always a losing battle.

[@sonnyc3826]

the only one losing is them..its more of a "pointless" battle.

[@idagirl814]

My mom hated me when I grew out of the adorable child phase and my appearance changed during adolescence. God forbid people weren't constantly telling her what a beautiful child she had.

[@zach464]

Both my parents were narcissistic and abusive. The verbal abuse hurt a lot more than the physical though. So glad I decided I wasn't going to be that way when I was still in high school. I'm breaking the cycle and have been for years.

[@starseeds8121]

Glad you have the courage to break the cycle.

[@ashton1952]

@zach a higher level of consciousness is honor, may you find good in life

[@taylor8381]

I knew as a child I would never treat my own kids the way I was being treated. To this day my children are loved unconditionally and know they are. It was the silver lining for me if there ever was one.

[@mickieknows7712]

I was very shy as a child. When I was in the 11th grade I wanted to be in the high school musical and I worked hard and got a part. I remember being on stage during one of our performances and feeling completely free from any sort of bashfulness. During a parent-teacher conference, my mother met with my choir director who had given me my part in the musical. He told her how proud he was of me in that I was coming out of my shell. And my mother told him, "Well, that won't last long. She will go back into her shell." I didn't hear this from my choir director, I heard it from my mother. When I got married I moved 1,200 miles away and was fortunate to build my own life without her influence.

[@amdog40]

Sounds like something my mother would say or do.

[@user-ef7gz4zq7k]

That shyness was likely a byproduct of the overbearing parent minimizing you. I was 45 when my mother visited me at work in a large non-profit office. I introduced her to my mentor, my supervisor, my pastor... ALL of my colleagues shook her hand warmly, and told her I was an absolute pleasure to work with and a valuable contributing member of the teams I served on. She told every one of them that she was surprised I turned out well, because I was such a horrible child. After she left, I was called into Pastor's office, where she, her husband, my supervisor, and the business manager offered me a debriefing session because of how upset THEY were over her treatment of me. My mentor said "I told her I love working with you because you are creative and clever, and she said 'that's sure different from when she was growing up'! WHO SAYS THAT??" I was the child she created in the image of scapegoat, and when I was 18, I apologized for the things I believed I was accountable for, and not an iota more. I walked away from that troubled girl and didn't look back. 54 now, and mother STILL tries to project her narrative onto me. I cried to my sister a few months ago about not understanding why mother has always hated me so much. Sister agreed, that she also didn't understand, but she was afraid of the bullying being turned on her, so she never stood up for me. She resolved to practice saying "well, that seems inappropriate" when I was being picked on. It worked to slow mother down until sister left the room. 🤷‍♀️

[@mickieknows7712]

@@user-ef7gz4zq7k Thank you for sharing. I too have a sister I can talk to about it. I was lucky to have a great father who always made me feel as though he ignored her when she talked bad about me. I once tried to discuss an obvious backlash I received from her and my father stopped me and said, "Sometimes you just have to let it roll off your back." And that told me that he too had been treated badly, however he did manage to put her in her place when he really needed to. My father was the glue that held our family together. He died in 2017 and family members are now in their own corners because of mom's mouth.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

@@user-ef7gz4zq7k ❤‍🩹Love and courage to you.

[@lespaul1755]

My narcissistic mother had me when she was 17 and blamed me for stealing her youth.

[@ritalawson7020]

It was her fault not yours Give her then flick you don’t need her or any other nasty creep in your life

[@lhurdle87]

She's stupid for saying that. It's not your fault why you're here. And if she was graped, she needs to apply the blame to the perpetrator, not you. Wtf is wrong with her?

[@georgeconklin8794]

You did but she was a whole! It's was either you or the aids

[@elizabethmadron1336]

Why don't these parents use birth control? I confronted mine and my dad tried to laugh it off. My father had a marriage that was a shotgun one before the one with my mom. Then with my mom he got my mom pregnant after dating for 3 months. I said to my dad, damn dad you did not learn you lesson after the first kid? Then I lectured my mom, I said mom the pill may not have been available but the diaphragm was. What the hell was wrong with you? I said that if a guy refuses to use a condom I provide, I am not having sex with him period. I said both of you were stupid!

[@DiAllinson]

My mother was pregnant with me at 15, back in 1968, and blamed me for her not being able to stay at school and do exams

[@suzannedavis6855]

I told a doctor that I felt as though I was dumped on her doorstep by somebody, and she was forced to raise me. She hated me before I was born, as she said she never wanted me.

[@reesedaniel5835]

You have to raise yourself when you have a narc parent, especially a narc mother.

[@Dbb27]

My mother said I was the only one she didn’t want. Thanks mom.

[@FloridaGirl-]

You don’t need their approval. That’s what you have to realize to move forward. We fought for it. Wanted it. You won’t ever get it. Don’t let them win, by letting them destroy you. You don’t need their approval. You can heal from this. Just finding about what narcissisum is. Bingo! Finally an answer !

[@christinerobertson9596]

I thought I wrote this...

[@umiluv]

@@FloridaGirl-- 💯! When you let go, you win your life back. No matter what they say, they have no control. I’m still working on not letting my mother’s words get to me. But I wrestled my life away from her at a very young age. I was never going to let her control me. It’s why I have such a rebellious spirit. I wasn’t going to let my mother snuff me out no matter what age I was. Probably why she hated me so much.

[@Leipuanani]

My narc parents constantly made me feel guilty as an adult about them having to change my diapers when I was a baby. I told them I would've changed them myself if I could have had I known they would be so resentful about it.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

Haha well said. Love and courage to you❤‍🩹.

[@sonnyc3826]

yeah teh "you owe me" attitude

[@janebethshimon]

My beloved piano teacher, when I was 6 and 7, was going to remarry and move away. As she said goodbye on the sidewalk outside her house on my last visit to her, she kissed me on the forehead! I was in bliss. I went home and told my mother I was never going to wash my forehead again. She flew into a rage. I don't even know what she said, it was so confusing. I had thought she appreciated my beloved piano teacher, too. Guess not. Too much influence on me, the chosen one of her four daughters to become the scapegoat. Sixty-eight years old now and a lifetime of profound confusion and pain. Oh, the narc parents had a rocky marriage at times, dad cheated flagrantly, but they also formulated a game where both could gang up on me and have their sadistic fun. I had power in my devalued position and was valuable in a perverted, sick, twisted way. It can be hard to let go of that sick position because it was my place at the table, so to speak. I tried to "break my plate" many times myself, but always without success. The gaslighting that I was "born depressed" have "Borderline Personality Disorder" was "extremely selfish, self-centered, hard-hearted" "the trouble with you is you hate yourself" "you don't know what you want" "you have no self-discipline" "you're too sensitive, can't take a joke, sore loser" etc., etc., did finally land me in the psych ward. And not one psychiatrist or therapist doubted the same family lie that "I was the problem." It was like traumatizing me all over again, they blamed ME -- I was the sick one, obviously. It wasn't till a few years ago with KZbin that I learned about something called narcissistic abuse and C-PTSD; so, in essence, I bought the lie they told everyone about me. That was some smear campaign. A little bit of Stockholm Syndrome in the mix, too, as I desperately wanted to please my beloved, attractive, tall, slim, good-looking, accomplished Phi Betta Kappa mom and Jewish doctor dad with the big, Victorian house on a gorgeous 1/2 acre lot in a serene, Mayberry-esque little town those many years ago. But nobody knew or seemed to care about the tragedy going on inside that beautiful house. My mother convinced the neighbors that I was the problem and there were no interventions in those days. I thought if I could just be perfect, they would surely love me. They wanted me to be a mental patient -- I was the Identified Patient in the family system. I didn't want to be, but . . . . tired, old, worn out now. Recently started looking for a therapist again, but don't have much hope to find anyone who "gets it" and who won't psychopathologize ME. I was innocent and still am a person who lacks guile. Nobody believes me. Thanks for this, Jerry.

[@jo-annahicks3324]

Apart from Jerry's Excellent work, have you looked into any of John Bradshaw's work? He did an excellent tv series, in the late 80's called 'On the Family'...he talked all about 'family systems'...he explains 'the identified patient' very well. He has written some excellent books too. I am of the belief that people get mental health issues, from dealing with people with mental health issues...it's difficult to remain sane, with so much insanity constantly swirling around you! I'm so very sorry you experienced this.

[@MJS2376]

The first time my mother met my then fiance she took him aside and thanked him for being with me - implying that I was mentally ill. I had no idea until years later....my husband, thankfully, thought she was nuts. It is so true - being around crazy people makes one crazy- I'm the IP and scapegoat. Ugh. They're so sick....can't even. No contact siblings for 10+ years and NC parents 3 years. All of this has been a challenge but ive found that if i move toward Life and Love the universe/your Higher Power/God for me cheers me on and has my back....

[@beebee9803]

I am so sorry that you had to endure that. My mother convinced her family and friends, that I had "broken her heart, by running away from home secretly, causing her all kinds of worry." She would say over & over "I love her so much, I just did the best I could, gave her everything I could --- why did she hurt me like that? Why was she so selfish?" Well, Mom --- I left because if I had stayed, I would either have gone completely nuts, OR served time in prison for killing you. I wish I had told her those words ---- she was a MASTER at making everything MY fault --- she was the poor, suffering mother. Years later I would run into her friends (who glared at me so hard, it's a miracle I didn't burst into flames). I do hope you know now, that it was NEVER you or your fault & that it DOESN'T MATTER what she thinks of you. It only matters what YOU think of you. ❤

[@karenshawver54]

Dear Jane, i feel your deep pain.im praying for you to find healing. This is not Gods opinion of you. He wants you,needs you,loves you. He is proud of you for survivng that abuse.there is hope,take one day at a time and let healing begin in your bruised heart. There are many of us out here who understand your pain.we stand with you.take courage.

[@melaniesims403]

I believe you, I also am tired, old, only just figuring this out, 46 now, mental health. It is so sad, but kind of freeing to know.

[@taylorpresley4604]

THE most tragic life events are not only having narcissistic parent(s)s, BUT then we marry one, two, or three narcissist(s) before we get our life lesson. BUT, it gets worse because one, two, or etc. of of our children become narcissist(s). The only way to break free from narcissistic personalities is to do the painful childhood trauma work, learn about the narcissistic personality types, pay attention to their red flags, and run. Setting boundaries with these demons is pointless.

[@photina262]

💯

[@paivimariannekukkola4984]

This video is very helpful. Both my parents were narcissists, but my mother was also a sociopath. I became a special needs/disabled child, at the age of seven. I didn't recall any obvious abuse till then. My mother turned on me over night, never looked directly at me when she spoke to me, and called me stupid. I knew even then, that she saw me as pathetic and a total burden. I felt bad for ruining her life, although it was in no way my fault. I was thrown out of my father's vehicle, when someone side-swiped him on the way to Sunday School. She treated me as though I was the one driving, and that I did this to her deliberately. She set out to destroy me life, ( although I didn't need anymore help in that department ) in exchange for ruining hers. It was a nightmare! My face was disfigured, I suffered a traumatic brain injury, and was no longer the smartest child in my class. She resented my plastic surgeries, and treated them as though they were elective. She called me selfish, as though I was the narcissist. If you haven't done a video on narcissistic parents with disabled/special needs children, I think it would be a success and greatly appreciated.

[@stefdiazdiaz7067]

that is fukup

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Jeezus

[@gloriawachtler7429]

So very sorry! Such an evil person. Many prayers for you to get over that. Sending love.......

[@elizabethmadron1336]

Yes, Jerry do a video when your mother is the cause of your disability but blames you. I suspect that happened to me. I have flashbacks of my mother directly scolding me for birth hospital bills.

[@CRISTAVILLALEVER-wt6mv]

Sending you love.

[@angelaa7388]

I was a gifted student with straight As, up until I was about 12. I was struggling with mental health problems, but no one seemed to understand that. My mother believed that I purposefully did poorly to hurt her. She focused all her anger and hatred on me, even though my father was the person who was actually doing terrible things. But all her suffering was because of me, not doing well in school, cutting myself, and being inconvenient.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

I'm so sorry you dealt with that, you did not deserve that

[@angelaa7388]

@madeleinegrayson8372 thank you for the kind words. I know we all have strife, and I try not to dwell on the past, but it's easier to let it go when you know what exactly what you're trying to overcome.

[@BlackSheep380]

My situation was very similar. That dysfunctional cess pool we were living in began taking it's toll on us at about the age of 12 which is the reason we stopped being our natural excellent selves. The sub human family members had to dump all their crap onto us to make themselves appear "good".....so infuritating!!

[@interrupted9671]

Same…had straight A’s till I hit 11 years old. My mother bullied me after that also.

[@Lucidjulie]

Aw I get that, when I failed second grade my mom truly believed I was stupid and was ashamed of me. I went my whole life truly believing I was stupid.

[@Sheba8.]

Such a great explanation on these narcissists parents. Hate is the top one for me, i always knew the whole family hated me, the neglect was so cruel right from the start until i stood for no more and rejected them all. The damage has been a life sentence for me trying to live with it and fixing it. I have no time for anyone who tries treating me wrong, it's cut off immediately. I love animal communication the best. They treat me very well 😊

[@websurfer5772]

God gave us pets so we can experience true, unconditional LOVE. 💕😺🐶🐹🐰🐣🐔🦜🐠💕

[@Sheba8.]

@@websurfer5772 they appreciate love and never betray. I absolutely adore them like my children.

[@Sheba8.]

Yes they're everything to me too. No greater love ❤️

[@sleepingwithcats5121]

I've taken all my adult life, even still, almost 60, to figure it out and see, why. My cats are my family. I love animals.

[@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql]

I always felt hated by the whole family and did not know why. Took decades to figure it out.

[@LogicalVelocity]

You have no idea how much you just explained a 46 year old question I had. I always wondered why my Mom hated me. Now I know. Thanks!

[@sailingaeolus]

I figured out narcissist mid-life too. I wish youtube had been a thing in 1980.

[@LogicalVelocity]

@@sailingaeolus I noticed a lot of the comments on vids like this are from older people who went through hell for decades from their narc and are just now figuring out why. Its really sad. I guess late is better than never to figure out why we were abused.

[@melaniesims403]

Only just finding out, I am 46

[@dakotamabry1645]

28 , I have to keep reminding myself it's not my fault ..

[@Pearl879]

I always knew my parents hated me. I just didn’t know their reasons. Now I do. I am approaching my 70s and still feel the pain. Yes, I have been in therapy. And I also have a psychiatrist. You helped me so much with this one video. Thanks very much. 😊

[@boxelder9147]

Im sorry for your experience. Same with me at 57. Everyday I deal with the rage. I hate them so much

[@BlackSheep380]

@@boxelder9147 They set us up for failure in life while dumping all their own undealt with baggage onto our shoulders. We have to unravel and deal with our own problems, raise ourselves without any emotional support, all while carrying around a 5 ton boulder of their crap on our backs. And the funnest part is all our extended relatives and family friends drank the kool aid and see us as the problem, not the evil narc(s) who manipulated everyone.

[@ScoutGrey]

Peace be with you Pearl

[@jrg4313]

Same with me. And their narc and sociopath children hated me also and treated me horribly also.

[@user-ef7gz4zq7k]

I didn't figure out mother is a covert narcissist until I was 53 years old. I find it interesting that she has never enquired about my trauma therapy; she has picked apart & minimized every mental health assistance I have ever received, until I was diagnosed CPTSD.

[@thinkingallowed1st]

My sense of self was being "a good girl" that meant I was best if I shut up or listened to her complaints about her life and husband. When I told her and my grandma that my step dad sexually abused me she threw me out. Her words to me were "he's not in love with you you know" that sentence will haunt me for the rest of my life. Thank you for your video

[@pearlp3905]

Wtf !

[@deborahlynnelentz6432]

Wow, and that is admit that she knew he did that to you, and she Blamed you for it.

[@TerriTemple]

So sorry that happened to you. God bless you.

[@laureenprice8123]

That is so awful! So sad!

[@montena369]

Wow sad I can relate 😔

[@cassien7585]

My narc inlaws created so much chaos when our 1st child was born. They had to be the 1st to see the baby. That's not what we needed but they didn't care. They said we hurt their feelings and subsequently flew into a rage. It was traumatizing. That was supposed to be a happy time. They made it about them.

[@websurfer5772]

@@HarryBarker-yp1xv Wow. That's really something. She sounds psycho.

[@RationalNon-conformist]

Wow, yes ..When you have a child things get crazy.. narcissists are sick individuals!

[@tamaraleeclifford4382]

Yep same here…been dealing with this for 16 years from my ex MIL…she has always considered herself a parent to my kid and Omg the stories I could tell…now that my daughter is 16 and is developing her own life, the narc is going out of her mind not getting enough attention. She even body shames my daughter…telling her she eats too much and has put on too much weight and needs to exercise more. Ummm….my daughter is 5’4” and weighs 125lbs. Are you kidding me? This woman is out of her mind and wants my daughter to be anorexic like her

[@newgrandma979]

⁠@@tamaraleeclifford4382 my mother would point out to people that I was flat that I had no breasts! I was 14 ans 5 feet tall and weighed less than 100 pounds. What kind of breasts was I supposed to have?!! I can still feel the embarrassment. So glad I found this channel.

[@tamaraleeclifford4382]

@@newgrandma979 that’s awful…my father would point out my pimples in front of extended family. Hard to be a teen with a narc parent!!

[@davesskillet9235]

our parents hated us kids flat out, wait until your father gets home the most chilling thing I remember.

[@sonnyc3826]

and the army belt behind the oven

[@shairaptor1865]

It's about control and power, nothing else.

[@claudiaj.hedeen4585]

The concept that children are themselves a narcissistic injury - wow, it has been hinted at but this really spells it out perfectly. My parents made us feel like we children interrupted/inconvenienced their lives. Childhood with them was confusing and heartbreaking. Thank you for your generosity in sharing this wisdom, Jerry!

[@jdjenny]

Inconvenienced even more so as adults. Weird. I always wondered. Why did you even have me if I’ve always been such a burden and an inconvenience? But the weird thing is the bred codependence😵‍💫

[@starseeds8121]

Very confusing.

[@tammybagwell1741]

When my brother had his head slammed into the ground, he had to beg my mom to go to the police, when we did, the officer basically asked what my brother did to get him so angry and told us that we were causing our parents trouble in their marriage I was completely cooked at that point There was clearly no way of getting out I'm convinced this is the reason for elder abuse. It's the only time you get the upper hand

[@lollipops2757]

We grieve the love that we will never get from our parents. I think that’s part of what has kept me stuck in this horrible state of feeling unworthy of love and craving it so badly. Along with it comes all the other ramifications of low self-esteem and self doubt.

[@touchedbyfire99]

Jerry, you are absolutely the best at nailing what it is like to have narcissistic parents. I feel so validated watching your videos! Thank you so much!

[@jerrywise]

You are so welcome, thanks for watching

[@tannwich5350]

@@jerrywise And fun! Not so self-pitying.

[@sarahhale-pearson533]

I can fully attest to the truth of this analysis. It took the process of trying to raise 4 kids with my husband to rip the mask off of his fake persona, and show him to be the twisted, narcissistic man-child that he is. The natural course of individuating that a child grows through is the big flash point that really brings out the worst, after age 5, the narc is competing with that child for my attention, becoming the extra child in a way, resenting and constantly attacking the children. Parenting in spite of the narc, you realize that you, psychologically are the only adult in the room. It is a horrible situation. Please do not have children with these people. You will not ‘heal’ them, only give them a bunch of defenceless new victims. My two eldest kids are already in therapy, while his sanity spirals out of control by the day.

[@amypalafox7315]

They always self-destruct

[@emilieholtmeier2409]

My husband hates our son

[@happyuk06]

It's my experience that people don't change. I once naively thought people eventually overcome narcissistic shortcomings, but they don't, they simply get more skilled at deception. From the age of about 14 onwards, what you see is what you will always get in most cases. People neither "mature" nor mellow out. Giving these people a wide berth as soon as possible is probably the most realistic solution.

[@Dbb27]

Please leave. I hung onto a narcissistic marriage for 23 years thinking it was better for my kids. Big mistake.

[@christinerobertson9596]

My mom in hospice actually said she has to hire other help because I don't "obey her". Wow. She is mean beyond words.

[@ritalawson7020]

Stay away your just somebody to dominate and bully you don’t need this rubbish cut all contact forever you will be better off

[@deannasteele9803]

Count yourself lucky!!! She just gave you your freedom!!!😂

[@BB-fo5mr]

Yep. “DO NOT DISOBEY ME!” At the top of their infuriated lungs.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

My siblings and I (me being the scapegoat) never received affection nor kind words from our narcissistic mother, but she would pour on the charm with one of our female cousins, holding her in her lap and "acting" as though she was the most loving mother. I still see that image, 50+ years later, and it sickens me that the woman still lives and breathes our oxygen.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Classic covert narcissistic psycho-emotional abuse of her own children. They abuse in ways like this that make them seem "above reproach" to onlookers and bystanders while the ones being targeted feel the dagger deep in their hearts. These freaks are spawn of satan.

[@debral9651]

Hmm. My parents were only ever happy when I was silent, didn't share any information about my life in any way, looked after them emotionally and financially. My role was to listen and support and never ever have anything they need to deal with or listen to. I'm not sure if my mother fit the narcissist criteria, but certainly had many traits.

[@missstranger7697]

Same here.

[@beebee9803]

From the age of 7 on, I never understood why I could not please my mother. As I became older, she would trot out the standard lines that almost destroyed my sense of self-worth: "Why can't you be like your cousin?" (my cousin who secretly got high on drugs and alcohol from the age of 12). "You can't be trusted." (yes unlike the same cousin who also shoplifted & then bragged about it to me later). "I wish we could have adopted your cousin instead of you." "You don't want to be a teacher -- that is a stupid life choice. They don't make enough money. You are going to be a lawyer or a doctor, like your cousin." She LOVED comparing me (and how I always came up short compared to others). And when (attempting for the millionth time to win her approval) I told her I had made the Dean's List in College (got all A's in my 6 classes), told me "Well, it's about time." At 20, I realized she never loved me, had only adopted me to try to repair an unhappy marriage, and that I would never please her. She was also terribly jealous of my relationship with my father (we were very close & she viewed me as "competition"). I moved to another state & learned to value myself. 12 years later I returned only because she was dying. My father (who was a loving, supportive & kind man) told me "I know you HAD to leave & I know WHY --- it's ok. I'm GLAD you got out." When my mother died, all I felt was relief. Not loss, not sadness, just a vast weight FINALLY gone. I learned from my father that my mother had been verbally abused, belittled & ignored by my grandmother --- that explains ALOT. I now understand that "we parent the way we are parented." My dad was loved by his parents, hence he loved me. My mother was not & never knew how to. While I still have a long way to go until I can forgive her, at least I have learned to value myself and that I am not "nothing." I have to be honest & say I am glad I am unable to bear children --- I would not have wanted to be even slightly like my mother. Thanks for letting me "rant." I hope ANYONE who is reading this KNOWS that they ARE of value, no matter what their NPD parent might have made them (falsely) believe about themselves. ❤❤❤❤❤

[@justin2morton1]

I went through the exact same thing.

[@danajacobs9097]

Same. Actually they are all the damn same

[@antinatalist9995]

Ah, the 'why can't you be more like...' and I also got, 'you used to be such a nice little girl'. Resentful of the offspring they chose to have and impossible to please. Selfish and cruel to the core.

[@sallybyrd3712]

When my Narc Mother died, I never mourned and yes it was a relief and suddenly I felt Free. Unfortunately, she lived to 94 years. Strange that such a nasty person can live so long.

[@truecynic1270]

I feel so badly for what you endured. YOU were the innocent baby who came into this world completely unaware of your pending reality. You trusted and got burnt - badly. I am so sorry. I do want to let you know, however, that I had the same kind of mother and a very weak father. I'm SO HAPPY for YOU that you were able to do some healing and gain some self-worth and esteem. I'm sure your journey has been, and continues to be, a tough one but it's great to hear about ONE person making some positive progress in their own lives after being so badly injured. ❤

[@TerriTemple]

Many of us grew up in the generation of, "a child should be seen, not heard". I guess now we know why.

[@Wrdz288]

My entire life my mother claimed to have been raised up w that ideology... Haven't heard it referenced in a very long time, reaaalllllly hitting different now

[@queenjahneen1000]

My narc father treated me respectively well until I turned 17, and then all hell broke loose. For decades since my becoming an adult it has been ALL OUT WAR. It has been the worst nightmare I could have ever imagined. He's an absolute evil monster. The verbal and psychological abuse (gaslighting, denial of abuse, triangulating, smear campaigns, recruiting flying monkeys) escalated to immeasurable levels. He does not know where I am. I have been much happier since going no contact (permanently) and separating from a parent who didn't want their child to separate/individuate as God intended.

[@miketesla8550]

I can relate

[@notsoseriousmoonlight]

My narc mom was similar. Once I became an adult, she clamped down with an iron fist and didn't want me having contact with anyone.

[@ladyjane6846]

Spot on. When I got my exam results, my mother's immediate and only reaction was; well, you didn't get any more than me.

[@beebee9803]

My mother said "Well --- it's about TIME." Gee thanks for the support there, Mom 👎I know EXACTLY how you feel. I finally learned that it doesn't matter what she thought of me --- it only matters what I think of me ❤

[@mollymuch2808]

So why is it a competition

[@goddess4290]

Thank you so much Jerry, for such useful discussion.I remember, when I was 4 years old, my narc mom told me to be ashamed of myself.And I said to her, I don't know what being ashamed means or how to feel it She then said to everyone how shameless I am.These people don't even pass to be "human", , being a parent is out of the question .

[@malcolmwatt7386]

My experience with my parents was that they were secretly molding me by influencing everything around me including school. They engaged in all the narcissistic behavior as well. They had many flying monkeys some of whom I still run across from time to time. They gave me a super evil reputation and employed mind control at the behest of the state. Fortunately, all the machinations have been exposed to me and I am blessed with my true nature intact. However, I have been denied in the course of my life many things by this gang stalking and narcissistic abuse. I live by this principle: Vengence is mine saith the Lord, I will repay.

[@jdjenny]

Same here. And Scripture is getting me through. “live as people of light, the light of the Lord…” ✌🏼❤✝️

[@ritalawson7020]

Keep away you don’t need these creeps in your life

[@reesedaniel5835]

Those cold callous people will be the ones standing on the left of Jesus during the sheep and goat judgment. We are the "prisoners" and "orphans" on the right.

[@miketesla8550]

I can relate

[@miketesla8550]

@@reesedaniel5835 Thank you so much. I'm in indescribable pain right now as a prisoner and an orphan. Narc "parents" are demons and Satan's disciples indeed.

[@coyryan8750]

Every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child...

[@davecatton8773]

Thank you Jerry ! i was told " from the moment you were born i hated you" and she was right she did and it never stopped ! to hear this is at last is a relief , i just wish i knew this 50 years ago ! just because they are your mum or dad does not mean they love you . at last i am becoming ME an its lovely !! thanks again x

[@pariarjb2329]

I got the same thing... :) horrifying.

[@BlackSheep380]

Mine never came out and said it but they sure did show it. In usually very covert ways that made me look bad instead of them to prove I was "the problem"....

[@tiredofit1968]

How horrible to be told that. What is the earliest memory you have of her saying that? I wouldn't tell my daughter that...I hope. Sometimes I don't like my daughter(mainly because she is a carbon copy of me. I.dont like myself much) sometimes, but I always love her. I sometimes say mean things, but immediately stop what im.sayimg and apologize. I have ADHD pretty bad so I have poor executive function control, but I have become extremely self aware of my behavior and how it could affect her, so I will always apologize if my mouth gets ahead of my brain. I hope she never feels unloved. I just feel awful for you. A child should never be told their mother, the supposed nurturer, hates her/him. Your mother needs her tail cut for doing that. I wish it had been better for you. I'm sure you are a very strong person because of the adversity you experienced and I hope that powers you through. I love you, and wish I had known you as a child so that I could maybe ease some of that pain or at least cuss your mother out for talking to you like that. you did not deserve that

[@OnlyOneName]

It's so painful because it's all been my experience with both parents.

[@elizabethtowers3321]

You hit the nail on the head with this video. My narc parent once said, seven times in a row, without taking a breath " I can't stand you, I can't stand you ..." I was also sabotaged at every opportunity and that parent will still try to sabotage me. Never ever ask a narc for life advice; it will save you a lot of trouble. I am still very inconvenient to this person. And don't forget: "What will people think!" That parent was consumed with what others might think. Yes, narcs hate us and our siblings and it leads to a realy screwed up family.

[@darrynreid4500]

The curious thing for me was that the one thing they couldn't stand more than me was my making the choice to not be there to not stand.

[@ellyk8834]

They treat you with absolute disdain and then are shocked when you don't want to be around that kind of contempt for your existence. Why are these people shocked? I guess they're used to you being so low on self esteem that why shouldn't you put up with their abuse? You must like it since you put up with it for years...

[@darrynreid4500]

@@ellyk8834 I used to really wonder about this astonishing lack of ability to connect cause and effect. For what it might be worth: my explanation is that they operate at a truly infantile level, so they have the tacit expectation of a young child that they simply must be provided for, catered to and put up with. Care providing relationships to a young child are biologically and hence socially and legally mandatory. They have not grasped - and will throw raging tantrums about - the simple fact that as an adult, all relationships ultimately require voluntary agreement of both parties.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

@@darrynreid4500 This is a great explanation, thank you! For me it’s my parents, so possibly mixed into that entitlement is their expectation that their children owe them respect & service. What they did not expect to happen, is that at 46 and with a husband and an 8 year old (who’s the one I surely owe most my attention to), I’m simply reaching the point of utter exhaustion to keep pretending the things they say are healthy. They have worn me out completely, they can try to guilt me all they want I’m too tired to serve them.

[@OceanSwimmer]

​@@jmvwegnerpriest, For your child's sake, don't give them the opportunity to watch over him or her overnight. I kept my 3 kids away from my parents for 7 years because they were so horribly abusive. Smartest thing I ever did. My kids are now adults and see right through them. Needless to say they want nothing to do with them. Protect your child from their emotional abuse! Trust me..... They never stop doing it - especially when there are youngsters around!

[@ChristineExpressions]

I’m fully convinced my narcissistic mother thoroughly disliked me from the word go. What convinced me of that was she always pointed to a photo she took of me when I was a tiny baby. I was laying on the couch with my little fists balled tightly and screaming my head off. She said, “This is what happened when I tried to take a picture of you. I had the couch all perfect and then you did this” She continually reminded me of my “bad behavior “ through photographs. When all I was doing was normal childhood behavior. Took me until my 50’s to realize that. She continued with this until I went no contact. Edit to add: A few years back I asked for some childhood photos and she took that one and threw it at me. I still have the photo.

[@nigelmiller951]

I used to wish I had never been born. I still wish I had never been born.

[@jdjenny]

❤️‍🩹it’s so difficult understanding how our very own parents could be so cold and hurtful- I’m realizing how sick they are and out of touch with reality. I’m 49 and just NOW (recently) starting my own life, away from my family and completely started my life over from scratch with absolutely nothing but the flip flops on my feet, the jeans and t-shirt I left wearing. I found a social worker who understands childhood trauma and helped me to realize that I am normal and my family is sick. Please do not give up- aim for freedom. Trusting you will find your place to know you deserve to be here. ❤

[@Userhandle7384]

Same.

[@BarnabasTheBarmy]

So do I, Nigel. But for better or for worse, we are here and death is guaranteed anyway... so we might as well enjoy our time here in whatever way we can :)

[@kclarke2971]

Your comments were a god send. I saw the headline and thought, should I watch yet another Narcissist themed topic. I am so glad I did, I'm 70 yrs old and to this day my toxic, evil upbringing haunts me. I was born in the 50's and when you had cognitive challenges in the day they said you were retarded. I also was shy, had ADHD and a whole host of other issues.I was raised in a small town where you suffered in silence and isolation. I did feel hated. now I better understand why. Thank you so much.

[@emmajane2958]

The way I see it, my parents (both covert/overt narcissists) fundamentally couldn't view my sister and me as children, in the sense of what a child needs/is/does. We were expected to act with the wherewithal that an adult, or they, would have had. Obviously as this is a very unrealistic expectation, conflict and emotions often arose and my sister and I were frequently punished or reprimanded, sometimes in severe ways, for quite literally just being children. There's the trauma!

[@reesedaniel5835]

Yes they expect us to just automatically know things and teach us nothing. We are shamed for not being "adult" enough as children and when we become adults we are treated like children and shamed for our past mistakes. We get no respect from them whatsoever.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Oh man, the innocence thing...so much. When I was 3 and turned down an offer to sneak me into a program I didn't get into on my own merit, I told my mother, expecting support and pride in that integrity. Nope. She laughed at me, rolled her eyes and said I don't know how the world works. Uh, yeah. I was 13 years old. But she was too jaded and miserable to appreciate that perspective

[@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql]

My dad was the one that taught me how to steal.

[@careyawalker]

My parents put me in a long term treatment center when I was twelve. I was locked away for almost 3 years. The center manipulated my "symptoms" to get my insurance to cover my stay. After I was released, the center was closed for insurance fraud and allegations of s3xual abuse. I've had lupus my entire adult life, not able to hold down a job for long periods of time. I recently was homeless, and neither were supportive, and even took advantage of my state to combine forces to turn even my only daughter against me. None of my family will speak to me, saver occasional small talk with my daughter. I'm doing better now, financially, and am trying to get on SSDI. To anyone who has a parent or parents who are narcissists, please take care of you. Be careful who you tell your life to, I made that mistake way too many times. But DO surround yourself with those who you CAN trust. ❤

[@jenniferwinner4598]

It seems like I've walked down the same path as you. But I guess we've overcome a lot to keep walking down this path keep your head up girl

[@AlvinKazu]

They couldn't stand you, but yet cannot be without you... It's sickening, destructive and pure chaos. My parents keep telling me I'm a guest in their home, but yet they want me to move close to them. My father will look up land close to him for me to buy... It's crazy. Even if I had the great relationship I thought I had with my father, I still want to live where I want to live... Not where they want me to live. They cannot stand you, or want you around... But they still want to control you, and use you for supply or w/e. IT's ALWAYS about THEM.

[@marijabu]

Spot on. I began painting later in life and a large canvas of mine was in an exhibit. I foolishly invited my mother to the reception. All night she sat on a bench beside my painting and asked viewers if they liked it. When they replied that they did she said, "I did that." They would begin to compliment her. I would step in and introduce myself as the artist and she would interrupt, and say, "I made that, (pointing to me) so she could not have done this without me." I asked my son to remove her and I tried to save face among my peers. I never exhibited at that gallery again.

[@Onemoretime-qu6sf]

I get it. As a child , I was like things that were creative: writing, playing an instrument, and participating in plays at school. I was recognized by several teachers of having talent with writing poetry and they wanted to submit my work to several national publications. My parents refused to give permission to do this, because " I might get a big head". They also asked my teachers not to praise my work for the same reason. As a side note, my mother would get extremely jealous, when another woman gave me attention. As a child, I met teachers and other people, who were kind to me and showed me what a mother's love was like. They would support me and show me what a "normal" relationship with your mother is supposed to be. I had one family member, who was aware of my parent's abusive behavior. She was very supportive of me. I used to joke and call her my 2nd mom. This enraged my mother, who told me to never call my family member "mom" again.

[@user-nh2dn9fg7d]

Wow explains a lot! I'm 67 and about 3 years ago I learned about narcissistic abuse and my eyes were opened and it blew my mind ...but what you're teaching is *next level* knowledge and things that no one else is bringing to the light. Excellent info, thank you!!

[@MadameBraynDamaj]

I was raised by extremely Narrcisistic parents and what makes me most upset is that I didn't realize I was being one when it came to MY CHILD! She is now 17 and after I learned about this mental disorder I saw it in myself and was very disappointed in me. I know my daughter didnt get as much attention as she should have gotten when she was young. She should of been the CENTER but I was? That's so messed up and I feel so much shame. After learning I have been putting her ahead of me. Letting her be the center. Letting her talk with out criticism. I have really messed up and I PRAY to God daily to help my daughters' confidence grow. If I could go back and do it over I would! I just pray she gets stronger. I wish I KNEW about this stuff. I am showing her videos of Narrcisists because I want her to be aware so she doesn't attract them. I always attracted ones much more manipulative and self centered. Its hurt most of my life. Especially seeing that I have hurt my daughter so deeply. I wish there was a way to go back, but everything happens for a reason. It's hard to change ones personality but with Gods help and this kind of information I have been getting over myself! Sad these traits can be passed down. I just want my daughter to know my mistakes. I try to forgive myself, but it's extremely hard after messing up so badly. Thx for information

[@hellawitzgerald7530]

You admitting and acknowledging your former treatment of her is more validating and healing than you know. Apologies are powerful. Kudos to you for your self discovery and your mission to help your daughter. Good work. 💜💜

[@4514rooster]

They can’t stand our morality because it reminds them that we have something they never will

[@Cosmic-Cat.]

Or had and lost.

[@bessofhardwick9311]

This is 100% my mother. Every word you said.

[@ardeniawells6546]

My parents kicked me out of the house over and over again when I was a teenager and it has made my life a disaster. Please make a video about this subject, my mother says they had no choice and they blamed me for every horrible things that happened while I was kicked out. My mother will watch your video if you make it. Thanks.

[@miladydewinter8551]

Narcs, sociopaths and Pyschopaths are child abusers and do not want to face any accountability for their child abuse, neglect and cruelty. Thus when they threw you out of the house ( extreme cruelty) it is your fault and not theirs. Thus they shift the blame. God gave them children and this is what they did. They sound very evil and if I were you I would think long and hard about making sure they cannot affect the rest of your life.

[@zennihilist6590]

I am so sorry this happened to you. My mom made the beginning of independence/adulthood impossible by sabotaging me in similar ways. I have read that the time it takes to recover from being raised poorly or put thru it by your caregivers is 2:1. Forgive yourself. Then find your agency by doing The Next Right Thing. Let me know if you want to talk 💓

[@rhodatuckey7119]

My parents always were kicking me out as well. I never drank, never smoked, never did drugs, never was sleeping around. As a matter of fact my fiance and I built a house before we were married and when we had things ready for ourselves, we got married proper and moved into it. I always worked and paid room and board but my parents really hated me. They never once even came to look at the building project. I still hate them back, even now that they are dead. I still can cry over the abuse I DID NOT deserve. God please help me with these evil memories of them. Thank you.

[@YOUR-WORD-IS-YOUR-BOND]

Parents don't kick you our for nothing! Stop

[@Rowan-mo4ko]

Right she will listen to others but just not you.

[@beckyvonhaden6522]

My mom was always competing with me, even though it was one-sided. When i graduated college, she talked about when she did and her achievements. When i got married, she tried planning the whole thing, when i bought my 1st house she tried to organize my kitchen and when i undid what she did she flipped out and said I'm ungrateful. Our house happens to be on 5 acres and my mom was insanely jealous instead of happy and proud. She was actually quite pissed that my property was bigger than hers. It would have been nice to be told how proud of me she was. But that's impossible for her to do. So i haven't been in contact for about 10 years. Such a relief.

[@Gailey379]

My mother never liked me! I realized it from young. It was a very painful encounter, I can’t really call it a relationship. It’s all good now though, I survived her, she didn’t succeed, I educated my self, took responsibility, sought therapy to understand the unhealthy dynamics I was living with. They are quite sad people, but they do a lot of damage. She’s passed on now, I no longer think of her. Truth be told, I never had a mother. I love me, I’ve really grown a lot through this experience. I have my own children and grandchildren now, I have always allowed and encouraged open conversations. I made a lot of effort not to do to my kids what was done to me. It’s all good💕. I’m so happy to see the topic of narcissistic behaviour being covered on so many youtube channels now. Health and strength to everyone. 👍

[@OceanSwimmer]

Gailey379, Thank you for your comment. It sounds like you broke the cycle and forgive your mom. I haven't forgiven mine yet, but I'm sure the day will come when I do. It all takes time, and God's help. 💞

[@camandamob]

My parents were born in the 60s. My sister and I have been talking lately about our parents age group and the overly common victimization they display at any disagreement. It's pathetic and many many friends our age late thirties. Say their parents behave the same way. What gives why are they so victimized? Were's the accountability they demand from us? I have moved on from my parents and I have been doing everything in my power to be the opposite of my parents for my boy's sake. I avoid my parents age group like the plague as well as the old jerks that raised them. Our family is literally destroyed and as long as they play victim it will stay that way.

[@OceanSwimmer]

You're family isn't destroyed: You've broken the cycle, and now on your child's life is GOOD!!! Never give up. Never give in. You will find like-minded people when the time is right. I determined to do the same, raised my children differently, with honesty, integrity, and responsibility. I must be very fortunate as well --- God is merciful -- because my kids are now amazing adults and are loving, responsible, level headed parents. ❤️ You're doing it & you should be really proud! Keep up the good work. It's not easy, but you will never regret the care you've taken, and the lessons you have learned. You turned a bad beginning (your parents' lack of integrity) and turned it around for the sake of your child. That's a huge success....and will bear fruit for generations afterwards. Many sleepless nights I wondered if I did a good job parenting every day. Because that's what it takes, vigilance and self awareness. Your child has ONE childhood, and the lessons/the example of parenting you present every day is imprinted in his memory. Your grandchildren and great grandchildren will benefit from the example you set today. If that isn't worthwhile, I don't know what is! 🌷🦋🌷

[@tonyad.]

My mother ,father ,step mom and a younger sister.I lived in my room,couldn't wait to leave home. You said everything I went thru,

[@SowingSeedsWithChristy]

Nice, concise message. Boy, I wish I'd seen that about 50 years ago, (I know. No internet yet ) but the idea of it might have shortened my recovery journey by decades, giving me a diagnosis to go with my parent's erratic behavior with me. Hopefully, though, it can shorten someone else's recovery journey. Be well!

[@RD-ds2cc]

All this is so true. People with normal parents just don’t understand what I’ve been through. Thank you for recognizing that narcissistic parents can and do sometimes hate their kids and that I’m not insane.

[@meleshenko3767]

The world’s inability to understand isolates us. But you are definitely not alone, not crazy! I am in my 60s and recently connected with a high school friend. She remembered my upbringing as loving and normal and lovely. I practically barked at her, “are you kidding? You didn’t see any of it?“. And I am learning that those who have not been exposed to narcissism can’t see it when it’s right in front of their faces. They can’t recognize it and certainly can’t understand the reality that we lived. My mother and father painted themselves as “the perfect parents, Ozzie and Harriet.” And the reality was quite the opposite. Once in a while, I read lines of comment like this one and see hundreds of others telling the same story. And this reminds me I’m not crazy. You’re not crazy.

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

@@meleshenko3767 You are not alone, love and courage to you❤‍🩹! For me these comments from people with similar experiences are so comforting. A positive side to the internet 😊.

[@aspyn.j_]

i literally got disowned from my family as my "brother" and his girlfriend were approaching the birth of their child simply because i was going to therapy and beginning to uncover how messed up the family dynamic was. my mom influenced it, my father did nothing, everyone was watching me drown and were waiting to see if i died. then it dawned on me that they don't me to positively influence her, lest she realize her primary caretakers are the worst. and just like that, the generational curse continues.

[@jcc6789]

I totally understand 😢

[@seanneeley3741]

Everything he said rang a bell. Especially being dependent on her. She often complained when I needed help. I was neglected & made to fend for myself way too much.

[@BronzeDragon133]

Mine seemed happy enough until I actually developed opinions that differed from their own. Particularly when I had disagreements with relatives' verbal abuse. Then it was, "You have a lot to learn" that they never bothered to teach (and amounted to, "Just say yes, you're incompetent, stupid, and not worth anything.") Nowadays, my mother's extremely old, moving into dementia, and feels that I need to serve her every whim, including dropping my own career at any moment to do so (she's even told me I need to find a new job because this one requires that I not serve her well enough). I acknowledge that I have the ethical obligation to get her good elder care, but nothing more.

[@Oldbroad1]

Getting her good elder care is not RE ALLY your obligation. Ageing and adult services could do this. Just know this is your choice before you step out onto that slope. ❤️

[@BronzeDragon133]

@@Oldbroad1 I'll accept the obligation to the extent that it really doesn't do more than consume a limited amount of time. I'm not, for example, going to pay for it. The rest of the narcissistic and flying-monkey family is, of course, highly critical of every choice, but simply gets told, "Then you do it." They don't, of course, and for every one who chimes in, I have one less funeral I need to bother attending. My therapist finds this amusing as external connections outside the family continue to deepen and when I go, there will be some major surprises.

[@equalityforall5620]

I relate.

[@PaisleyMarie80]

Is it though?

[@carole3708]

I am in the same situation. My mother is 99 and clearly fading away. Yet, she continues to be a harsh critic of her children and everything else--the nice assisted living facility where she resides, the people who live there, the world at large.... She has driven a wedge between my brother and myself that will never be overcome. She speaks only of her own bad early childhood. Never does she acknowledge that she parentified, guilted, and manipulated me into devoting my life to her care. I work with a therapist but, to be honest, i think the damage runs so deep that it can never be bridged. I am that angry. That resentful.

[@brinta19]

They don't like closeness yes, they cannot handle that. But they absolutely love and infact go to lengths to keep you dependent on them. What they dont like is your independence.

[@sonnyc3826]

i find that also..tehy try to keep you down, limit you , and try to make you completely dependent on them.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

All true and so triggering for me Mr. Wise. I'm 60 plus and still completely lost.

[@Lyrielonwind]

So do I. I see the damage but it seems so devastating I don't know how to begin rebuilding myself. They crushed me.

[@starseeds8121]

I too am pretty lost.

[@starseeds8121]

@@Lyrielonwind I kind of got crushed as well as I definitely have no confidence.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

I was crushed by my own Mom and I just never got over it. Substance abuse, poor relationship choices ... all a hope to find some relief from my own truth. I wish I had been more informed. Thank god I did not reproduce.@@Lyrielonwind

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Losing confidence is the most devastating impact of the abusive relationship.@@starseeds8121

[@patdoty788]

My parents were total assholes and actually psychotic I'm glad I found videos like this

[@kathleendinsmore7588]

These are great insights which explain a lot and are really helpful. You’re right when you say narcissists probably shouldn’t have children but here we are!

[@starseeds8121]

Here we are.

[@derricklough1172]

This is my step father and wife. My first half sister (11 years younger), was his biggest emotional supply. She was also his biggest flying monkey. If I even so much as looked at her wrong, I got the short end of the stick. He and my mom got divorced just as I was graduating high school, partly because his servant was leaving, as well as his physical outburst whipping boy. I was pretty much a parent at 11, as I had to watch and take care of my sisters because he didn’t want the burden. Nothing I did was ever good enough. Mental health disorders were taboo in the 70’s and 80’s (even today, depending on your social status or where you grew up) so narcissism was still unheard of. It took some time in therapy for me to understand I wasn’t the problem. And then I went through it with my kids (adults now). Children were a social image (to her), but the burden fell on me to take care of them. I’ve been learning about narcissists for the past few months and more things are falling into place.

[@hkramer26]

My mom and (ex husband) are both the WORST kind of narcissists. I married a man just like mom. When I discovered that my mom was a narcissist, that caused a huge rift between us bc it was finally known and now, I know my mom doesn’t like me. She doesn’t like my son either and kind of ignores my youngest daughter (16) and sees my older daughter as someone she can manipulate too just like me. She sees her weakness as a way to control her and she will do her best to pin my daughter, my siblings and any of her (moms) friends against me. Her friends don’t even know me & yet my mom plays the victim to them and they buy right into her game. It’s sick.

[@monicaperez2843]

My mother would say that her favorite child was my oldest brother. I wanted to ask, why did you continue having children after him?

[@Tryagain205]

Exactly.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Good answer. I was tired that my mother always complained about how thin and how fat I was (I wasn't fat) and I told her that between being thin and fat there was a moment I was in my perfect weight and why she didn't notice it. She said nothing like everytime I cornered her with reasons she couldn't come up with any excuse without unmasking herself.

[@roxaneclement3647]

​@@LyrielonwindI experienced the exact same thing from my mother.

[@user-zz6mc2vg7q]

My narc dad punch me in the nose for waking him up when I was 3 years old. My nose bled for hours and I had nose bleeds for years after that.

[@Coach.Kallista]

They are emotionally handicapped / aka lack emotional intelligence. They are emotionally immature and aren't doing anything to improve themselves. I work with people all the time - growth is possible - one can heal and recover and thrive. Find your worthiness and your power. Best wishes

[@w8what575]

I built my mother some book shelves that weren’t anything special just plain old white wooden bookshelves…she absolutely hated them…she forgot supposedly that I built them for her and gave them away because she couldn’t stand even looking at them right innfront of me….years later, she dumped two junk Dodge pickups in my yard wanting one of them to run so she could have a pickup to pull her camper. I’m 5’ tall petite female….I managed to learn how to pull the engines transmissions and transfer cases out of both and put one together…it sits in her front yard never driven…she refuses to drive it…then her friend told me that my mother gets overwhelmed because of the mess her home has become…her friend told me that she doesn’t want me to help her because she thinks I steal from her 😂 I said that’s nice to know! I won’t bother helping her any more and I did just that…I blocked her and my siblings and everyone else who has gaslit me in their defense along the way…to hell with the them! I don’t need them! They do need me! Now they know what it’s like to be in their own just like I’ve been my entire life!

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

I mean, the bookcases might have been ugly.

[@websurfer5772]

You sound like you've got this. It's so sad and hard, I know.

[@southernbawselady7092]

One word: ENLIGHTENMENT! 🙏💜

[@jerrywise]

I'm glad you found it enlightening, thank you for watching

[@russellsurf]

When an average person becomes enlightened they become an enlightened person. When an enlightened person becomes enlightened they become an average person.