3 Types of a Daughter / Narcissistic Mother Relationship

[@melissawolf553]

I was born into survival mode. Never had a childhood. Always tip-toeing. Always on guard. Never able to trust anyone because I couldn't even trust my mom.

[@hermanklump8983]

I’m so sorry.

[@annam1780]

Melissa I too was born in survival mode and never had a childhood that was fun and loving. Even if we didnt know it at the time we were always treading on eggshells. I have had deep trust with people in my life because there are good people out there and I have always had to rely on the kindness of strangers- there are many good people in the world who will not let you fall through the cracks even if you feel that's whats happening because of your upbringing. We are complicated because we trust quickly out of survival needs and others may not do that.

[@elmoz71ls15]

It’s a hard pill to swallow... but I too was born into storm lands. Later in life when I learned what the “lizard brain” was it was my normal.

[@NWYVR]

Me too! That's why I started stuttering. Fight or flight. Now I understand how my stutter formed.

[@mummylife5941]

Same, just it is also both of my parents

[@bethanyeadessfxmakeup8828]

"Mothers typically protect their daughters".. when it hurts your soul because you don't even know how that would feel

[@jessicaferguson4518]

This breaks my heart. I’m not old enough, but I’m your mother now

[@bethanyeadessfxmakeup8828]

@@jessicaferguson4518 ❤

[@lorrainea6177]

I'm just coming to grips with having an unsafe mother (narcissist?) in charge of everything; while she taught not to trust men! So NO ONE could be trusted - but the message was misconstrued, in my (child) mind, so that I wanted to prove her wrong ABOUT MEN - since I already knew SHE wasn't there for me... How could her lesson possibly be true for the other 1/2 of the population?! Needless to say, multiple failed marriages/divorces in my relationship history! Having had no "mothering" but now allowing The Father/GOD to help me learn to love myself to enable me to re-parent myself, because of His love for me. I finally found my self worth, only 6 months ago (the inpouring of blessings was proof), after surviving suicide & finding GOD WITHIN ME (as I am a part of Him...as we ALL ARE). I WAS SAVED. WE ARE LOVE. WE ARE ONE. ❤️🙏❤️

[@thatswhatshesaid6326]

I agree. I look at other friends or family members who have their mothers support has brought me to tears before. I’m envious of the support and love they receive. My daughter is 19, when she was around 16 it was almost a lightbulb moment of how Dysfunctional my relationship was/is with my mom. How I was constantly looking for approval, how critical she was/is of me, the difference of the way that I was treated compared to my brother who is four years younger (different dads). My mom has also talked shit about me to friends, family, boyfriends take anyone that will listen and then say to me “well this is what ___ said about you or this is what they came and told me about you. The people that she would be referring to was/is usually friends or boyfriend someone I valued close to me. She is extremely controlling no boundaries with what she can say or do to me. I took a hard look at my life and the patterns I’ve been allowing from relationships, friendship and my mom and realized something needed to change. I started learning more about myself, Actually knowing who I was, setting boundaries for the first time in my life at 44 years old, And started to sort through some childhood trauma that i never dealt with along with being raped at 21 from a guy who followed me to my house after I left a bar and raped me as my mom slept in the other room. I never told her until a year ago. I knew that she would’ve blamed me for going out or being irresponsible. Either way I’ve come along ways in the last year. Its a been a long and very difficult journey doing this alone. I’m stronger today but definitely have a ways to go..

[@ko7302]

I hope you find peace in life. I grew up with massive neglect... i hope you have found ways to cope

[@makennabaker667]

“The purpose of the daughter was to satisfy the mothers need”. Sums up my childhood

[@saanasalonen8684]

sadly same...

[@ThepupsnameisBrian]

I hear you, Sister!

[@annripley1964]

Me, too! And nothing was ever good enough!!

[@pinkroses135]

Black holes is right

[@nandinigogoi2584]

Yes same ...such cruel people they are cruel mothers..they dont deserve to be mothers

[@fritzwa11]

"I tried to earn my right to exist by being useful" That's the biggest thing I've suffered with because of my mother's abuse. I feel like I don't deserve to exist if I'm not extremely successful and useful to others. I'm almost 30 and I still feel this deep sense of shame for just trying to live my life.

[@notused.]

Gosh, I'm so sorry to read your comment. Thinking of you I hope that you soon feel like a Human Being, not a Human Doing. X

[@anetak.9494]

This deeply hit home for me. I've never seen it before this way. I thought that my restlessness was just that and that I am very ambitious in general. But only now at the age of 36 I am more comfortable with just slowing down because all my drive has gotten me to nearly a burnout.

[@scottwhitworth2023]

You will be ok...you're still young. I know the difficulty understanding why things were the way they were. Don't let it consume you as a person. Use it as a learning tool to better yourself and ultimately you will be stronger than ever. I've spent my life studying people and human behavior. If we acknowledge and identify the evil...then and only then can we learn to defeat it. Your inner strength is there. Use it. You did not accept the abuse. You simply had to deal with it. Now it's time to shed the abuse and find a positive road to travel. It's there. Clear your thoughts and it will come to you. All the best to you.

[@carolinasouth3117]

I feel so heard and understood by this comment, I still feel this way even if I know it’s a result of a narcissistic mother

[@shelbycaldwell1265]

I definitely feel you on this. It’s like I’m always taking a new class learning a language or picking up a hobby…like I constantly need to grow and push myself but I take so little time to realize how far I’ve come and how much I’ve accomplished. It’s like I’m burning myself out to prove something. 😩

[@mademsoisellerhapsody1868]

THIS: "I cannot tell my mother about the good events in my life."

[@LasPhoenix777]

It took me a long time to realize that. I couldnt fathom the sabotage and bitterness to come everytime

[@ksthoughtpalace3042]

Yes, I too learned to hide everything I cared about....lest it be destroyed.

[@flala2261]

Asperger's Adulthood Same Keeping everything close, as a means of self protection.

[@baggerchicforever2687]

MAdemsoiselle Rhapsody I remember getting a good job at one of our casinos in Vegas that paid really well and I felt so good. .these jobs were hard to get. .anyway I called my mom to tell her and I was so excited. Her reply back to me was. .you work where !! In a casino !!! What I'm a suppose to tell my friends. .I can't say you work in a casino !!! And she kept going on and on tell I felt so bad and totally defeated. .but at that time I still didn't know about narcissism. .

[@jmklind]

Aw, I’m so sorry you guys, that sucks so bad! ☹️ My mom is my best friend. I just told her about Dr. Grande’s channel and she came and watched his last two videos (the plandemic ones) and thought they were hilarious and subscribed and loves him now too. I can’t imagine not being able to share stuff with her. I hope you guys have found an aunt or a friends mom or someone else to kinda help take the older female role model place. Hugs! 🤗

[@fatima3pk]

"No safe place to turn" that's how my childhood felt.

[@danielledantz1657]

Same here. No matter who I told or where I turned to for help, her fabrication of being a wonderful mother prevailed. I have accepted that she is the way she is, but still struggle knowing the rest of my family sat by and watched while I begged for help.

[@shayshaymann113]

Yes yes yes!! This is my childhood too sadly

[@shayshaymann113]

@@danielledantz1657 I can relate to this too! Not only did my family just sit back and watch, they joined in on the twisted manipulation. For a long time, I thought I was the crazy one.

[@pokisun522]

I’m in my 40s and thousand miles away from my mother. I still have the same feelings.

[@boudica3356]

Yes, me too. The place that was supposed to provide love and safety was the worst place to be

[@LuvBugBlaqkHart]

"The purpose of the daughter was to serve the mother's needs" This.

[@dancelifeforsure]

Yes so sad!

[@shelleydunfee1450]

Or 1 daughter is the perfect princess and the other is the scapegoat sacrifice.....me!

[@nellanachristinebyers8796]

You are not alone... You are worthy you are beautiful and you're worth it !!!

[@terrimoore8962]

Yes!!

[@Lora-G]

Yup

[@Mo0may]

For the longest time, I firmly believed that there was something wrong with me. I was told that I am too sensitive or I was just crazy… and I thought all of the behaviors (ex. gaslighting followed by love bombing) were normal. It took me so many years to understand the reality of the situation. At that point, it was almost like I was mourning a death trying to let go of the idea of the parent that I desperately needed and accept that this person never existed. To those of you who are just starting that process, please be kind to yourself. It’s a long road.

[@OhMyPearls]

I’m 74. It is indeed a very long road. But smile. If you’re lucky that road ends in a beautiful meadow of your own making.

[@crystald8465]

You explained my feelings now. I feel like I made up a good childhood to recently discover it never existed.

[@gloriabyas8088]

@@crystald8465 Realizations can be very painful, but now the process of healing can begin. Wishing you love and support on your journey! 🙏👍

[@desrtdwellr]

Thank you, I wish you well on your journey to healing ❤️

[@Pensnmusic]

@@OhMyPearls thats a wonderful sentiment and much needed for people at a dark road and aren't sure where it ends It's important that people who've walked that road talk about what's on the other side, that it's worth the difficult journey.

[@cindyrhodes]

I feel so sorry for any daughters of narcissists who have to sheltering-in-place with those parents during this pandemic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@praoteccy]

children of narcissists in general

[@DreamingInTechnicolor]

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@nightshadexo]

I live next door to my my mother, and its been a challenge! I'm unsure if she is narcissistic, but the way she acts makes me think so, when I was a kid she never told me she loved me and it was obvious I wasn't a priority. It's crazy because I still try to do whatever I can to make her happy, but its never enough. Its a vicious cycle.

[@cindyrhodes]

@@nightshadexo living next door must be a horrendous challenge. I am so sorry!!!!!

[@jcor627]

@@nightshadexo I am in a similar boat. Except now my mother is getting too old and needs have changed. I know I risk my sanity let her back in even a little bit. I also know if I turn my back now her quality of life will be poorer. Form the rest of my life I must look myself in the eye so I feel there is no choice but to care for her. My solution was to hire a good therapist and figure the mess out in the best way for all of my family. One thing the Dr. didn't mention is that some kids who grow up with a narcissist become people with a beautiful power to be kind and gentle once free.

[@cindyrhodes]

The holidays are here. For children of narcissists, it is NOT the "loveliest time of the year. "

[@Natalia-lk7hw]

Oh God. I got a flashback and then instant dread. It's awesome when the family offers to host dinner and your narc mother insists on doing EVERYTHING only then to turn on you. Aww the good old days.

[@cindyrhodes]

@@Natalia-lk7hw omg ikr I'm so sorry!!!!!

[@SusanJohnsonsuzvj]

My mother doesn't celebrate holidays, so that's either a good or bad thing 😅 It's sad really that I didn't have the joy or celebrating anything with my family

[@cindyrhodes]

@@SusanJohnsonsuzvj I'm sorry, Susan. ❤

[@user-fz7nt5ge3o]

My mother likes to host the Holidays, my sister and I both have kids, she wanted to keep the kids in the room, away from us, adults only in the living room, and I said, "No mom, this is Christmas and my kids will be with us." I think I have a relationship with my mom, that is 2 / 3 of what he's talking about.

[@the1betterpodcast84]

"I have tried to deserve my existence by being useful" - felt like someone punched my gut.

[@sarahspencer1010]

Yes, same here.

[@ThePress00]

Wow, 27 years later and you've summarized my entire life. If i don't get fired next week, I'm quitting my job next month. I'm severely depressed, and that job has definitely worsened my mental health, but I've endured it because of the health benefits it grants my family, who, like you just mentioned, see no worth in me unless I'm in a "nice" position at work, regardless of how broken useless and incompetent and harassed I feel. But I've... Had enough. From my family, and my boss.

[@YandereDoll]

@@ThePress00 I hope you're well and you're able to move onto things that will make you happy! Sometimes I try to think of it like this: when someone is happy and filling their own needs it is easier to spread that feeling of happiness. It is still hard for me to do things only for myself but thinking of it that way makes it at least partially for the benefits of others, too. It's a process!

[@KatharinaHB]

Sounds about right.

[@anwensu4381]

I relate in a way. I was taught that doing things made me interesting, rather than to appreciate my inherent worth. As a result I now have severe anxiety in relationships about things my partners do better than me and whether I can "measure up". Working on this, but I'm not there yet.

[@Anna-qt5zr]

“The mother is not stable, not reliable and the daughter never knows what to expect.” Oof. That hit hard.

[@Me_di]

So true

[@BloodSweatandFears]

Yea that hurt for sure. I remember panicking if I knew my dad wasn’t going to be there overnight (for work) I was 6 and had to worry if my mom could handle being alone over night with me. Looking back it’s so obvious she could have, but cared more about her needs than mine. (Sorry trauma dump 😅)

[@itstonycia]

Wow wow wow. I thought ppl would never believe my life but here are others relating to me

[@simonasylvain5000]

For this mother's day, give yourself a hug because you survived despite of everything trying to hold you back!

[@antiantipoda]

This is the only mother's day hug I will accept. Thank you.

[@Nitya-r86]

:-)

[@louise-yo7kz]

❤

[@shivanandaji]

Simona Sylvain You are so right! 🙏🏻

[@xiphocostal]

Thankyou. For some reason it's harder this year. I no longer see her but the memories have come back.

[@eoz182]

Those who haven't gone through this can never understand. I know my mother is a damaged person herself and that's probably the root cause, but she doesn't want to help herself so she will never change. Solidarity with all you other daughters of narc mothers, no matter how this manifested 💗

[@nikicollins5809]

Precisely

[@stelladente5256]

" She doesn't want to help herself" this sentence hitted me so hard cauz I was even feeling more guilty since I thought that she couldn't change cauz this is the way she grown up ,but in reality she didn't want to change not she couldn't, and it made me even more angry .

[@missredumbrella]

Spot on for me too.

[@momoz1]

@@stelladente5256 i feel like i’m the only one in my family who sees this. it’s so isolating

[@Picca65]

@@momoz1 me too. Find friends that get you or at least try to understand without judging, skip your expectations on your family.

[@DrKimSage]

"SHAME for existing,"...this sums it up, for so many wounded daughters. 😔😔😔

[@kimvannote3690]

That's right - Not given the right to exist - creates tremendous toxic guilt and fear based on lies - debilitating and not easy to overcome.

[@luvsnursing9946]

That is spot on. Shame for existing.

[@victoriabenton8378]

I was told it and meant to feel it constantly

[@victoriabenton8378]

I came to realize it was because I was breathing and that was a shocker!

[@barbaramarshall5271]

I wasn't allowed to be a kid and play at a friend's house, she literally went berserk. Absolutely terrifying eventually I decided I didn't like her at all.

[@gogumagal]

How I paused to just cry in disbelief. All this time I'm in denial that my mom is actually abusive to me, she's this charmimg, popular, friendly lady towards her friends and general people I just couldn't admit that what she did to me was abuse. And now I just cried because it's hurt to fully acknowledge this bitter truth.

[@ALT-vz3jn]

Sending a hug. I experienced the same treatment. My mother was so popular and charming with everyone around her except me. It took me years of therapy to figure out she’s a narcissist. We no longer talk.

[@caroliamurri3872]

I was emotionally and physically abused while listening to people say how wonderful my mother was....I never shed a tear when she died...🙏🙏

[@ChickPeaChannel]

I'm with you. And others could never believe what I know my mother is capable of.

[@kathleennabordenten6271]

You are a beautiful soul who is loved so much. Your mother was sick in the head. I hope you can forget her and what she did do you can live a happy life. Don't give her your happiness.

[@Mochichan2]

Sister, i commiserate! I’m tapped at 15-16 yo in so many ways because of my hateful, self esteem stealing old B of a mother.

[@cindyrhodes]

You know what is really insidious? The sixth sense that these daughters have when they can feel the narc mother preparing to inflict her damage. They brace themselves, feel the dread, hold their heads down and try to be quiet, hoping, just hoping to become invisible to the 👩

[@kadrian9643]

It is even worse when you realize you have done this not only with your mother, but your ex-husband, and most friends. I am amazed at how I have always had the next narc waiting in the wings for me to untangle myself from the previous one. This is the first time there isn't one (I have my kids). However, I only broke up with the final friend this week (12 year friendship) oh snap, my marriage lasted 12 years too... that's my tolerance level? 12 years? What crap is that. Sorry I digress. I have been studying narcissism for a couple of months now all thanks to my ex. He called me incredulous that he was diagnosed by the therapist his now wife is requiring him to see, as having NPD. We have raised two kids and occasionally are required to talk. I'm a good supply and stroke his ego so I can get off the phone in once piece. But in this situation... all I could do was laugh maniacally because I knew it was true. But this diagnosis for him has set off a ton of research on my end and my entire life makes sense for the first time in my life. My bff (pretty sure a covert narc) had a meltdown on me the other night at dinner after spending the day trying to start a fight with me over stupid stuff. I successfully survived the mine field just to walk head first into the explosion. Over a Facebook post that they disagreed with. I just wonder how I have been so blind for so long. I've been in therapy over the years but I never found it fit for me. Probably because I couldn't verbalize my childhood, marriage, life in a way that someone else could actually help me. I think maybe I can now.

[@cindyrhodes]

@@kadrian9643 wow! I am so glad that you are finding your voice and realizing what was going on. More power to you, Kadrian!!!

[@SerialKilling]

Yessss!

[@andymariebarron10]

Oh yes! I would try to be as unnoticeable as possible and would try to have my little brother behave because I knew better. If one of us did something "wrong" we would both get whooping of our lives. And then the emotional guilt that we caused it and she loved us.

[@TaraConti]

Like living in a warzone just waiting for the next bomb to drop!

[@Venus-bb7cd]

When you realize you are happier without your mother in your life, going no contact is a breeze.

[@CircaBEFORE]

🙌 I’ve been no-contact for 11 years. I’ll be in therapy the rest of my life bc of the abuse I sustained. Physical, emotional and psychological abuse.

[@lollybirlin4155]

I didn’t want her to keep hurting me. But I never mended. I allowed my husband to abuse me. I believed it’s all I deserved. I’m 74 and I never mended. My mother and husband are passed now. But, I know I didn’t have a childhood. Lots of cousins to play with but I always had to be the one to watch over them

[@jodydionne9881]

It is but there is a longing that u wish u could have a real loving mother

[@dianaprince3176]

That trick works for shitty ppl who are fathers, too.

[@britgirl4814]

So much, I've spent 40 years of my life striving to please her, not anymore and the peace is indescribable ❤️

[@shelbstrr]

It's hard to admit this, but growing up I would beg God to end my life because I honestly believed my existence was a burden on everyone.

[@truthmerchant1]

Same here, I hated myself for not committing suicide. I thought I was selfish for ruining their lives by staying alive.

[@user-pt3uu4wq3i]

I can relate to this! Love you all 💜

[@joano.5431]

♥️♥️♥️

[@persefone818]

I was suicidal too. But now I know my father actually wanted me to commit suicide and he was passive aggressively encouraging my mother's narcissistic behavior that was making me suicidal. I had several cousins who committed suicide too, and one of them - I think was directly related to my mother's behavior. This devastated my mother's brother... and my mother was so wickedly pleased to see this, because she felt she could manipulate her brother when he was depressed. It was horrible and extremely scary how she really did not feel bad about my cousin's death, she seemed to secretly revel in it. I think it's interesting how the last flower the Goddess Persephone touched was the narcissus before she went to Hell.- and it makes me wonder if her mother was a narcissist.

[@anyways661]

Remember my mother saying to me in a very slow and serious manner " My life would be so much better if you would just... disappear. " I remember being 11 and finally saying to her, because I had always thought she meant leave her sight, what am I supposed to do? I can't go back in time and not exist??? The way that she looked at me, I knew she wanted me dead. Oh, the mileage she would have got out of that one.

[@angelica8000]

I have a narcissistic mother. In one of my therapy sessions, my therapist asked me to talk to her like I was talking to my mother. I said "I'm exhausted of living my life trying to please you".

[@mrb4761]

Did your therapist get it? One of the challenges I've found (before I found the videos) has been finding therapists who really understood the dynamic , and apparently that's too common

[@angelica8000]

@@mrb4761 she did actually, that's when she said for what I told her she thinks my mom is a narcissist, I did some research and she checks all the boxes

[@quillaraymundofineart3470]

I am also exhausted of living to please My mother.

[@karadenizkizi9992]

my mother would answer "i never asked you that, you want to do that yourself, why do you try to please me, it's your problem". Gaslighting,you know.

[@davidg1782]

@@mrb4761 Many therapists do not treat narcissist due to the difficulty in gains or improvement. The narcissist usually does not want to change, but everyone else should change.

[@Polin-dx5ru]

I was diagnosed with depression at age 14 and my mother said “What do you have to be depressed about?” And the started lecturing about all the fucked up things that had happened to her in her life

[@luciedwards5684]

oof- this one hit me. my middle school counsellor called home to tell my mother that I was suicidal, and when I arrived home, my mother began screaming at me because I “shouldn’t be putting this on her right now”

[@loraineswanepoel287]

Wow what you said brought back so many memories. My parents split when I was 6 years old. We moved 2 hrs drive away and the courts gave custody to my mother. That is when all the crap started. We were allowed to miss our dad but not allowed to cry except for one day a week and then when we did she got angry about it. She screamed and shouted about it so that is when we started to learn to do things to make her happy. She took us to psychologists over the years because there was always something wrong with us and the problem were us not her. 2 years later we moved even further away from dad (12 hrs drive by bus and 9 hrs by car) Everything got worse then. She was far away from people that could hurt her and because she could not hurt anyone else then she turned on me and my sister. Shouting, screaming, hitting us through the face or a wooden spoon on our backsides. Her personal favourite was to making us feel guilty for things that happened to her. She learned early on that she could get away with that and still tries it if she can. I lived for the once or twice a year visit to my dad - we spoke to him about mum when we got old enough to but he was too scared to take us away from her. My sister became the extroverted rebel and I became the introvert that mum could control and bully and blame and ague with all the time.

[@jamiesdulcimer1]

EXACTLY what my mother said to me when I approached her about my depression at age 19. My father died when I was 7. I was an only child. Mom insisted that she had it much worse than me, and kept reiterating that we were so lucky to have a wonderful mother/daughter relationship, unlike all those other mothers and daughters who fought all the time. I hear you, Polin!

[@kathleennabordenten6271]

This sounds like me! My mom laughed that my teachers thought I was depressed!! There was so much neglect! Alcoholism made her not care about anything. I still tried abs tried to make her love me.

[@weenett]

One sentence doesn’t make ur mother a narcissist im assuming theres more to back This up?

[@user-hv8bo4ie2v]

The feeling of being trapped because no one believes you, I actually broke down a little. I feel so validated hearing that.

[@icalotdonthide2646]

I believe you, please believe me as well. These people will pay for how they treated us.

[@meganshea8442]

I believe you. I know how it feels to be told by everyone that you're wrong for feeling this way

[@chellefell1331]

I'm crying...

[@handefabbro]

Non believers never read anything about psychology, they are not aware. Poor ignorance.

[@persefone818]

I KNOW. People really don't believe you. They just cannot begin to even grasp that this really happens because they don't understand the purpose behind the behavior. I really don't completely grasp the purpose behind the behavior either, but I sure know that some people do this and no one believes it when you tell them.

[@EllyKallan]

I had to go no contact. Extremely painful, people don't believe you and think you are a terrible daughter not only because you go no contact but because she tells everyone the fake victim story. Its taken me over 20 yrs to understand how much harm she caused me.

[@liberatedflygirl8000]

Oh M G... same here ... she made it seem like I was a horrible disrespectful child to Everyone ... made herself look like the victim so that she can be the poor victim mom with a horrible child ,,, I would have own it but thank God for my high school and teachers they lived me so much and I was so confused because my mom hated me so much how could these strangers love me ??????

[@goldheartminer7069]

Yes and she had my brother tell people I said bad things about them so I would be wondering why the. Were angry at me. This is demonic behavior to hate another human so much that came from. Your own womb

[@KA-mq4wj]

I went no contact too. They are manipulative and 8 year old mentality. Hang in there! Her ego is damaged. Don’t fall for her childish behavior Peace be with you

[@user-fz7nt5ge3o]

That's pretty much where I am too. She isn't safe around me or my children. Going no contact, helped my health a lot. She can live her life apart my me and my children. I forgive her, but she doesn't need to be in my life, she can watch from a distance, because she isn't safe for any of us.

[@dancelifeforsure]

Did same. No other family has even reached out to me. She has them all convinced. But this is still better than before. Peace to you.

[@barbaracash2516]

I often wonder what my life would have been like if my mother was normal and loved me. Because of her, I never married, had children, was able to keep a job. I am in a constant state of paranoia. I even believe that she almost killed me as an infant. My life was a horror movie. My father molested me for six years because he noticed my mom's rejection and he had his own issues. I look at pictures of myself as a child and think of the tremendous secret I was hiding and how I held this burden for years. I was so brave. I remember I wanted to commit suicide at 12. I felt so ashamed to be alive. When I finally turned 18, I left and paid my own tuition at college. I started travelling. I did volunteer work. I was emotionally strong. The further I got away from my family, the more I thrived. I still struggle with instability. Its hard being alone. I've been homeless but I would rather struggle on my own than ever see her or my father's faces again. I can't wait til they die. They have no remorse. They say I was a difficult child. Everyone that knows me thinks I am a goody two shoes. The whole town knows how they treated me and someday when they die, they will know why I am not at their funerals. I've told both of them how toxic they are and how I survived without them. They are sick people who will never ask me for forgiveness so they don't deserve to be a part of my life. They missed out on all the love I have given to friends. They are the ones that lost.

[@Kakamg26]

My niece in walking in your shoes. I tried to open her eyes about my old sister she's just like your mother and was molested by her own father my sister husband. My narc sister does not believe my niece was molested and defends her husband. To get matters worse my niece just had a baby and is living as a single mom in their house 😢 I'm afraid he'll molest the baby. I can't do anything my niece does not want to press charges against her dad.

[@miasimpson1777]

I hope you find peace and joy, and the love and acceptance that you deserve ❤

[@ladennayoung2939]

I pray you choose to heal and are able to heal in Jesus' name. Amen.

[@ladennayoung2939]

​@Kakamg26 Pray them and pray for her. Instead of pointing certain things out. May be just try to offer her to move in with you if you are able to help her. People still love their parents and have a hard time accepting who they really are and what they are really about. I pray everything works out for you all in Jesus' name. Amen.

[@RonSafreed]

I had a narc. father & a mother who was tremendiously abused in her youth & my narc. father as well & she tried to commit suicide multiple times in her life!!

[@germainewright7348]

"I felt ashamed for just existing". OMG...I thought I was crazy all of my life. I thought nothing could hurt me any more, but I see I am still learning at the age of 65. My mother nearly destroyed me. I give everyone a big hug who had to suffer a mother like this. 😪

[@donnakesler1408]

I no longer feel alone, but I'm sad to see so many others have suffered like me. I am in my 60's and STILL trying to heal😥🙁

[@noddaimportanto3735]

Still learning at 65 here too.

[@ANANDALEEMA]

I am 70 and still learning to cope with life. I had 2 marriages, both to narcissists. The 2nd one was horrific and it took me 30 years to free myself physically. Since then it is an ongoing emotional process and while I see lots of improvement and more understanding of what happened and why I had the anxiety I mostly had in life, I also see there is still a ton of work to do. Working on this has become my life really - it is constant. I am starting to feel something like happiness occasionally. Mostly I just feel content that I am finally, at 70, getting on with my life.

[@kaypowell407]

Also 65 and now trying to discover and heal

[@EspritundDisa]

Thanks for the hug 🤗. Every single thing that Dr. Todd Grande says in this video is something that resonates with me and what I have experienced and still experience with my mother. It makes me so incredibly sad for this little girl that I was then. I have learned a few tools that help me deal with my mother. She will never change or admit any wrongdoing. In fact she gets worse as she ages. I have major trust issues with people and that makes relationships difficult. It’s a lifelong healing process for injuries suffered when we were vulnerable and dependent on an utterly incompetent parent.

[@judithnelson1228]

This is even more agonising when the daughter realises, at a early age, that she is more intelligent than the mother...

[@lorraineheffernan3322]

Actually, realizing that very young is part of what saved me.

[@inainterstate6884]

I remember at age 7 when she was in the middle of punishing me (yet again) for something I didn't do, I thought "this is NOT right, this makes no sense! Something is wrong with her"

[@Noname-dg3pm]

@@inainterstate6884 me too. I grew up like that. Wow

[@Zipper12345]

I’m 60 years old and I’m still careful what I say to my mother so I don’t set her off , I can’t deal with it any more 😢

[@BeverleyMiller_]

@@lorraineheffernan3322 i believe it's the severe insecurities of the mother & her view of the daughter's abilities as competition on many levels🤔 So sad when the real desire is love & acceptance...

[@paulacampbell2064]

I'm nearly 70 years old and just now coming to terms with having a narcissistic mother. I always thought something was wrong with me because of never being good enough. I was fortunate enough to have wonderful in-laws that taught me unconditional love and that I was good enough.

[@askye4378]

At 26 years old I began dating my now husband. His family taught me how to love, and how wonderful family can be. After being around them for a while, and pulling away from my original family, I was able to turn my life in a very positive direction.

[@0211lilyify]

omg I'm not married or anything yet but I can relate. My bf's parents are the parents I always wished for, gentle, kind, accepting and respectful

[@tinkerbellstink]

This brings tears to my eyes. I totally understand this.

[@joelenrubick8655]

Same with myself. However I had no relatives on the west coast to help me develop. I’m happy you’ve figured out your situation.

[@nettwench]

It took me well into my 50's to finally understand this, even after many years of therapy. It was when I moved back to the same city/state she lived in did I start to see clearly how dysfunctional she was. A lot of it was covert, undermining each sibling with the others. For most of my life I really had no idea what was going on. There was a moment with her when it was absolutely crystal clear to me that she was incapable of love, although she could fake it very well.

[@leahkeyworth]

My mother is exactly all what was said. You learn to mother yourself and end up trusting no one. I'm a loner now and very independent. Sad but its one hell of a learning curve in life. I prefer animals.

[@Me_di]

😐same

[@jerrilynnwoolston9734]

❤🐾❤️🐾❤️

[@DeniseBabbit-gg2kv]

This. Always on guard. I had to hide from her to get any peace.

[@lynnewallace-s3y]

True

[@ceciliafernandez3005]

hi! thats actually not permanent! you can try and learn about attatchment styles. Maybe you are an avoidant or a fearful avoidant, like myself. Its a process of understanding your psyche, identifying patterns and digging iin your trauma to get over them. Im in process and I hope it goes all well for you love!

[@cindyrhodes]

I know a daughter who tried to confide in a counselor and was later blasted and punished when the mom found out. The daughter also went to a pastor in hopes of confidence, and the pastor went to the mom. There was no place to turn.

[@qiuwbr091]

Mermaid Mansion - I think in less populated areas this can become a really serious issue. So many people trying to get understanding from just one man or woman. Yikes.

[@cindyrhodes]

@@qiuwbr091 Yessssssss!!!!!

[@tihanaharrison6728]

Thank you for saying that. I was never believed by some people, especially if she got to then afterwards. These same people would later become her flying monkeys.

[@cindyrhodes]

@@tihanaharrison6728 omg my heart goes out to you!!!!!

[@xquetzalo]

It's unfortunate because counseling would help a child like that but it triggers the narcissistic parent because it reflects badly on them in their mind. It's all about them. Clergymen should be educated about these sorts of family dynamics but I doubt it's a priority.

[@alexandriiia2262]

It's honestly hard watching this without crying. For a long time I thought I was alone in experiencing this. It's even more sad to know that more daughters like me have suffered this injustice. You're not alone and you are loved.

[@snaxolotl2.0]

Much love to you. This is a tribe nobody wants to be in... but please know you are so strong and so loved because tje rest of the tribe knows what a warrior of light like you can bring to the world.

[@ninababy9097]

We all need to support each other my mother is like this also some people shouldn’t have the right to have kids

[@barbaraolsem8377]

I commented on another video about narcmom. I didn't begin to truly recover from my life with narcmom until I was 55 or so. She was mean to me consistently until she died in 1999 at the age of 83. I'm now a Stoic Warrior others who know me as well as I let them might say that I'm cold and probably a sociopath. I'm not even close to being uncaring, I just can't show it. I could probably use therapy but now that I'm pushing 60 and I'm okay and used to being alone. I'd rather not rehash all of those years.

[@msunderstanding3198]

@@barbaraolsem8377 just because you are ‘used’ to being alone doesn’t mean you want to. Lady, you got life left. Snap out of it. You are here for this purpose To heal is your mission It’s ok to be alone It’s okay to stay in Your zone On and on I will not drone Yet you have a choice Make it your own

[@emeraldrose4848]

I'm with you..

[@cyanide_lollipop3264]

My mother used my cuteness, intelligence, and personality to "prove" she was the best mother in the world. The only credit I got from her was when she was bragging about me to someone else. Towards me, all I got was mental, emotional, and physical abuse. She publicly humiliated me as often as possible, as well. I only existed to serve her own mood that day.

[@dawnmariebooher3269]

Same... I became an over achiever in part because it was the only thing she would ever say positive about me. But it was always when talking to others about me, never to me. I was the pretty one and smart one to others. My sister was an embarrassment because she had IDD (most likely from our mother's physical abuse) and she was overweight. My mother could not stand the idea of us gaining weight and had us on diet pills from the time I was 11y. I was a thin girl. At 5' 7", I weighed 121 lb but that was too heavy in her eyes. I remember seeing a video of my mother talking about me behind my back. I was 19y and nursing my then 1y baby girl in the next room. She referred to my nursing baby as "a pig at a troph..." and then laughed hysterically.

[@cyanide_lollipop3264]

@@dawnmariebooher3269 Oh, wow. I'm so sorry you (and your sister) had to live like that. Sounds like our mothers were cut from the same rotten cloth.

[@nakedlauging]

My mother is a Dr of Psychology. Abuse was all I ever knew & I couldn't say anything about it because her friends wouldn't believe me when I tried. She'd always take credit for my accomplishments. She's actually still angry, 20+ years later, that I'm bipolar. She's vile.

[@cyanide_lollipop3264]

@@nakedlauging Damn, I'm so sorry you're still dealing with her abuse. I know how hard it is, even into adulthood. My mom died a few years ago, and up until then I hadn't talked to her in a few yrs because of her cruelty. Everytime we talked, she'd find something to crap on me about. But when I stood up for myself (finally), she got even worse. "Vile" is the perfect word for her, too. A few weeks before she died, I visited her in the hospital; her drug and esp alcohol abuse finally caught up to her, and I did feel sad. I told her I loved her and forgave her for "everything". The thing was, she said she forgives me, too. And I was like, "excuse me, what did I ever do to YOU?!" But I let it go, knowing she wasn't going to live much longer. Sometimes I miss her, still. I have her ashes and I made a little sort of alter with photos, mementos, etc. And I'm at peace for the first time in my 48 years. (yeah, she harassed me well into my 40's). So my point is, I hope you're able to find some peace in regards to your mother. She (like mine) is sick and mentally ill. I'm not excusing ANYTHING our moms put us through, but the best revenge is happiness. My mom hated when I was happy, for some reason. But that day in the hospital I said goodbye to her, and my past abuse. Hopefully you won't be her target for the rest of her life. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, I really appreciate it. Sending hugs from Seattle!! 💚💙And I wish you the very best.

[@theplanetjupiter3525]

Same here I forced myself to do what she wanted and what she wanted me to accomplish. It was so emotionally draining when she kept telling me how I felt, what I loved to do, and what I thought didn’t matter because she was my mother. Everything I did had to be of what she wanted. And when I finally gained confidence to tell what I wanted...it got really bad and she became a person I didn’t know. It scared me. Hopefully since I’m going to college soon that I can go somewhere far far from her.

[@titasantiniE]

My mother has tendencies of a narcissist. I describe her as emotionally immature and self centered. She attracts people, then behind their backs, she despises them. A conversation must be about her, any conversation. She’s emotionally punishing, withdraws and pouts, love is withdrawn. I can’t scramble an egg correctly. She knows all, and no one is better than her. I’m old enough to understand her tendencies, and put up boundaries left and right, above and below. My heart shrinks when she’s around. So, I stay away and live my life in a different way… Therapy, therapy, education and marriage to a stable, kind, intelligent man. Thank you.

[@lorrainemorsch760]

God Bless u, U know my mother very well!!

[@supergirl0526]

You just described my mother

[@michaellemmen]

Excellent.

[@michaellemmen]

My mother and sister by the way. Please pray for them. And me.

[@paigehow333]

My narcissistic mother really shaped me into the broken woman I am now trying to understand. It really is heartbreaking and so cruel

[@dirtysanchez941]

❤️hugs for you. I understand. I hope someday we can recover some how. Love to you.

[@heatherh888]

You are probably a great lady. Keep the faith! God bless you!

[@jamiephillips4854]

Great paperback read, “toxic parents” It didn’t cure me but it did help me breathe a little better

[@loganleslie3816]

The heartbroken 💔 feelings never end...at least not for me. :(

[@Terri_Hugs]

I say it's time to get to know who you are and who you want to be! I did...it's not easy to stop letting fear of failure from holding you back! It's hard to Ignore that internal voice telling you 'you can't do it'! Because you can do anything you want to do!

[@carolynhastings922]

The " I was afraid all the time." I lost it cried so hard. No one ever listened to me or believed me.

[@annsilliman6184]

I'm so sorry

[@DBlanco48]

My grown son went and lived with my parents for a few years when he was in college, because they lived in that town, we didnt. Not even a whole year he told me, "mom, i thought you were just one of those overdramatic women. You were right about nana."

[@kamaropayne5226]

@@DBlanco48 oof, even reading the word nana gave me a shiver. My mother is known as nana to all her grandchildren. Makes her sound warm and fuzzy doesn’t it? Ya, that’s a lie.

[@jjlk222]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Hope you have some loving and kind people in your life now.

[@kaitlynnc9539]

I'm so.sorry... I know how alone you feel.. I too cannot speak about it cause others have no idea.. It's so hard to have friends whom have a beautiful relationshiop with their mothers cause its something ive always wished for but it would never happen.. PTSD is real.. ❤🙏🏻

[@user-mg8gb8gm7i]

"I was afraid all the time" Yes. I literally would tip toe through her house, holding my breath, just to get a glass of water (no ice because the noise of the ice machine would alert her to my presence). And I went my whole childhood thinking that was normal

[@alasia2007]

I was always afraid. Especially when asking for anything. I’d hide in my room in the quiet trying to muster up the energy to ask. And it would be hell when I did.

[@user-mg8gb8gm7i]

@@alasia2007 Asking for things was the worst. And none of my friends understood that I couldn't just ask my mom if they could come over or anything

[@alasia2007]

@@user-mg8gb8gm7i exactly! Everyone always thought I was weird, I’m 28 now and maybe 1 friend has seen my house inside. It’s abnormal but as a kid I never knew why I was so different

[@debbiebuege63]

I remember hiding inside my toy chest when really young. Only came out when I heard my dad come home. Always living in fear.

[@lee3171]

In college I mentioned in an offhand way that my mother used to chase me but I could outrun her because she was fat and I would run to the first landing on the stairs so she couldn't hit me. The therapist told me he felt sad for that child, and it wasn't until that moment that I realized how effed up my childhood was. I knew we weren't like other families because I saw other families, and I knew we made a show of being normal, but I didn't realize how messed up everything was until I saw it through someone elses eyes.

[@helengriffith4738]

I’ve been in therapy 11 years. I stayed away from my toxic mother for 18 years. In my 10th year of therapy, I reached out to her because she needed my help and support. She is ok for a period of time and right back to anger, manipulation. She will never hold herself accountable for anything.

[@Broknchainz]

Isolated childhood described my life. To this day, in my 40s I feel alone and find it hard to trust anyone

[@princessak21]

Get therapy you can’t live like that your still young

[@rachelb4235]

Same. And same. I've gone to therapy. It isn't a fix all and it certainly isn't quick.

[@devinerose2687]

40s also nutcase mother and absent father all of my life died 3 weeks ago some body from his family thought they would let me know by text. 😒 My mother was a jealous demanding control freak poor childhood serious neglect and early adulthood she kicked and key my car and tried to punch me in the stomach all over me not knowing where my sister is.....ive got sisters and brothers and she treated us all bad and very bad as small children shit bag parents basically no point going into detail about her it's too hoffric.

[@lilac9240]

@@rachelb4235 I so much agree with you. It's been my experience that those who become therapists have unresolved issues themselves. So if you are a head strong person like me, they smell it and will see you as competition instead of using it as a tool/instrument as part of the healing process.

[@harleymoonshine246]

I cried watching this video and this is the first comment I saw that felt the same as me. Isolated childhood is 100% me and my mom. Still to this day I am a complete fucking disaster and I'm just now after 28 years of life, realizing that there IS an expectation for the reason I've always felt the way I do... I guess I'm NOT a helpless addict by choice, but my self medicating and lack of self control.... idk. I wish there was a simple solution to fix all my problems but there just isn't.

[@melgonz.6962]

"I can't tell my mother any of the good events in my life" OMG how hard I relate

[@MillieChimb]

You and 1 both

[@elainejankel]

Me too

[@suzanneflowers2230]

So true. Thank you.

[@esterhudson5104]

Yeah. Sabotage comes along with that…lots of it. Manifests in SO many ways…

[@selmahare]

Yes! Neither the good nor the bad with me. She would use the bad to humiliate and try to make me feel inadequate. See, I told you that you’re a failure kind of thing; and she’ll spit fire in jealousy of the good stuff. I tell her nothing, understood from a very young age that I couldn’t trust her to not use it against me and be an evil bitch; and these days I don’t even talk to her at all.

[@susanboyles3460]

My mother's message to me: "I Never wanted a girl." My contemplating suicide at age 9 was because I was sure she would finally be happy if I wasn't around. The only thing I could do to please her,then, was to destroy myself. I thank God that I was saved by the love of my grandmother and a compassionate therapist. It took many years of struggling through "the valley of the shadow of death " to undo the damage, and I know I will always have a small part of me that feels broken.

[@kimberlyguyer3350]

I am so sorry. I heard growing up "Why God, Why did you send me these kids? I wish I never had them." Their cruelty to us is shocking to others who never heard these things growing up, but to us it was how we lived. Hearing these terrible words and knowing they meant it in those moments.

[@kaceyolsen8350]

Omg I can totally relate with everything you said!!! Thank god for the love of my grandmother too. My mom said she wanted a boy instead. Then recently right in front of my jerk brother said money was more important than you so I dumped you off on grandma!!!! She pretended to force crocodile tears and of course my brother comforted her!!! Puts me down but oh no poor mom. Unbelievable!!! Now shes convinced me my grandma wanted nothing to do with me!!! God I despise her!!!! My mom I mean!!

[@g.m.5395]

WOW, me too😳😓!

[@tanyadebeer4836]

I was the same at that age. I got sent to my first therapist. After telling this woman all the things that my mother thought was wrong with me, she brought my mother in and told my mother that the reason I was depressed was that I was upset because of all the things I said were wrong with me. So, in essence, my mother was vindicated that she was right all along.

[@samottientertainment281]

I am so sorry for everything that happened to you, I know you how lonely you must have felt. The memories of the love of my grandparents is what kept me alive during my childhood. I hope you are happy now. I also want to tell you I love you 💖 you survived it all 🙏🏽

[@missyfrank880]

My mother was amazing she passed away six years ago to brain cancer. I miss her SO much everyday. I can’t imagine how horrible it must have been to people who have had horrible mothers raise them. I’m so sorry, you deserve better

[@juliesims1296]

I would love to have had that kind of relationship with my mother, she raised you well to have an awareness that not everyone is so lucky, because one of the major challenges of having had an abusive mother is the widely held belief that all mothers love their children, therefore it must be the child who is at fault, thereby further pushing the already abused child further down the path of self blame. It makes me happy just to read your comment and feel understood by someone who hasny been a victim.

[@PurplePinkRed]

A beautiful, well said comment. Thank you for having empathy and understanding of others. Apologies for your loss and I hope you are doing okay 💕

[@ALCRAN2010]

The greatest wealth in this world, Is being able to come by mom's house, And welcomed with open arms. Even better if your real dad is there too. There's no place like home. That is the fortune in fortunate....

[@cateyu5547]

Thank you for not invalidating those of us who have not had amazing mothers. And happy for you, that you did. Hope your mother rests in peace.

[@RonSafreed]

I had a narc. father & a mother who was severely abused in every type of abuse out there & tried to commit suicide numerous time & that combination caused especially my teen-life to be totally disfunctional!! I am 67 & it is a miracle that I have what I have!!

[@sunsummoner3378]

i didn’t know daughters were supposed to hear thank you from their mothers :’)

[@dancelifeforsure]

Never got an "I love you" either except sometimes in valentine day cards in writing probably out of guilt given the holiday. Just remember being shocked to read it. My dad never said it but he was distant.

[@annasamuelsson8096]

Mine will say -thank you... and could you please do this for me... she would never be satisfied always craving for more ...

[@deez9966]

Me too! I was so shocked

[@melindapelham4156]

No we owe them a life time of service , and caregiving ! I cared for her parents , ( and she told people she was doing it ) ; her husband , and her . She even told me that I owed it to her !

[@kimberlyguyer3350]

Or "Im sorry".

[@patsmith9284]

I am almost 76 years old and have never really recovered from the hurt brought about by my narcissistic mother. The saving grace for me as I moved 150 miles away from her when I was 19 years old. She lived to be 99 years old and died angry with me for not being a good daughter. I excelled at everything I did but she was in competition with me so I never pleased or satisfied her. I had ulcers from when I was a small child . I lived in fear because she said she was going to bash my father over the head and threatened to kill herself. I am a sensitive person but hid as much as I could from her. I was not allowed to cry or be angry because I had her for a mother therefore what did I have to cry about. I was brainwashed, she was a wonderful mother, I had ruined her life by being born. I was not allowed to like my father because she hated him. She would go on tirades saying having children ruined her life. On and on and on. She was very popular, everyone loved her but she seemed to dislike and criticise most every one. She was emotionally abusive not so much physically. I couldn't afford counseling but read about overcoming. Life might have been easier if Dr. Grande was available to me throughout my struggling years. I can give love but really don't understand it enough to believe I am lovable. I have been married 57 years so my husband does love me. Life goes on, I make the best of every day . Thank you Dr. Grande for helpful insights

[@TheMrsWarhol]

Oh my gosh...Pat...I'm so very sorry. You've described my own mother. I was referred to as "the brat" growing up; I had made her life completely miserable. If I asked for equal treatment between me and my brother, I was forced to my knees and made to pray for forgiveness until I cried since it was "a sin to be jealous of your brother!" As teenager I was considered competition and was beaten down at every turn; I was fat, stupid, incapable; my only worth was my long blonde hair. I was not allowed to go to college; I could go to business school to be a secretary like she was. My dreams of being an artist died. When I married, she told me my life was over; she was jealous of my relationship with my dad, who just tried the best he could. She screwed around on him and thinks he didn't know. Everyone loved my mom; my stomach still turns when I hear how wonderful she is. I have a great job, and when I was promoted to senior management, her response was, "boy, you really have them fooled." Today, I am her caretaker; I clearly cannot do anything right, and gossips about me to the family. She is the same nasty, bitter person I've always known. She drags my father's memory through the mud, claiming he had a gay affair with the local priest. If only I'd known about NPD earlier in life...it explains so much. And I never got to tell my dad it wasn't him, and it wasn't me... I am sending you my best thoughts of peace and comfort, Pat. Be well.

[@patsytyler2199]

Oh, Pat, you and I have a similar history. I could write a book about what it's like to be the daughter of a violently abusive narcissistic mother! I am nearly 75 and I have never got over her treatment of me, my sister, my father, and who knows who else. Believing I was unlovable cost me a dear man because I couldn't believe I was good enough for him.

[@tracifromshreveport7364]

You just described my mom to a T.

[@humblecornellious4251]

Ty for this post x

[@TheMrsWarhol]

@@helenhighwater5313 my brother died of AIDS in 1991. To be honest, he was pretty much aware of everything and carried a lot of guilt about it. If he was here, he would have helped me. My mom died in April of this year, and the grieving process has been very, very difficult. I’m glad you were able to find peace in your life, but the whole thing is so painful and leaves scars.

[@cindyrhodes]

And the mom asks, " Why don't you ever invite any friends over?"

[@Fliedermutter]

.. and asks: "Why are you always so sad?"

[@lizl1407]

One of my coping mechanisms was inviting friends over as much as possible, as my parents would behave better when outsiders were around. Sometimes she would "perform" for my friends and it was a little embarrassing but still better than otherwise.

[@taburzblism3287]

troll the mom back "my friends don't come over because they're too busy having sex with eachother thats why"

[@taburzblism3287]

@@lizl1407 Really? are you sure she wouldnt try to take over the conversation or keep talking aout herself to them or butting in when you are trying to talk to them and hijack the conversation? Not sure if thats what mothers would do but alot of other narc relatives with different family roles do that. And passive aggressive insults towards you infornt of ur friends to embaress you is another thing. These things work until one learns the art of trolling and trolls the narc relative back in conversations by saying non serious things as if they were serious, like funny silly troll stuff and nonsense. The narc then realizes they are not being taken seriously and will eject themselves from the conversation and the room because they think in their own mind that they are higher than that lol gg

[@hardrok312]

I saw a childhood friend at a local bar, that I haven't seen or spoken to in over a decade. I had always wondered why we had stop speaking to each other. So, I decided to just come out and ask her. She said that she held a grudge against me because when we were little, she had came over to play hide and seek. My parents had a clothes shoot that went to the basement, where we would throw our dirty clothes down. While I hiding and she was seeking, she said she was looking down into the clothes shoot and that someone had pushed her down into it! She thought I was the one who pushed her down it! Not only is it not even my nature to do such a thing, but I was hiding the whole time she was seeking. My mom was the only other person in the house at that time, being the only person who could've done it. Leslie family was financially wealthy and I believe my mom was jealous of her wealth. I never told Leslie that my mom was the one who had done it because I knew she wouldn't have believed me. So I just apologize for it anyways, wouldn't have been the first time I had taken the blame for something that wasn't my doing. After that I knew my mother was diabolically evil.

[@Jeanne90275]

Having had a narcissist for a mother, the one thing I learned is it's always about them and it always will be.

[@Sassysagg-m5o]

I’m 50 years old still single and just learning that a lack of self worth and esteem was all rooted in childhood. After 4 years in therapy and several bad “go no where” relationships I learned that my narcissistic mom just did not want the responsibility of raising me period.. I always felt like I was a burden.

[@mariesoto569]

Vanessa Malcolm I want to encourage everyone who’s been abused their parents. On of our patients grew up with terrible terrible parents. She’s in her 50’s now. She came in saw the therapist he did EMDR on her. And days later. She remembered a bad memory of her father. And she suddenly forgave her father who the decades and decades of unforgiveness she had for him! We were blown away by the amazing grace of forgiveness. Forgiveness is for us. It releases us from their power over us. She mentioned that decades and decades of unforgiveness, resentment, were broken off of her. Then she started healing for herself.

[@louise-yo7kz]

@ Vanessa, I hear you.

[@WillBlindYouWithLight]

Same 😔

[@shivanandaji]

Forgive perhaps, but for God's sake, don't forget and let them run their shit on you AGAIN. I moved across the country, and my whole body improved! It may sound awful, but I'm so glad she's dead.

[@zofiajaneczek184]

Vanessa Malcolm I can totally relate but I was told one too many times that I was a burden to take care of, too demanding as a child, too inquisitive, too creative, too much of a challenge for a mother that clearly didn’t want to be bothered!

[@toxicwaste920]

When my mom talks to me, she asks me how i am, then i tell her, then she proceeds on how she is... goes on and on. Shes not interested to know how i really am and just like an audience to hear herself. She has a lot of friends and people love her.

[@mysticsunshinestudios]

Literally, same thing here. They will go on months, if not years without calling and than when something happens they come out of nowhere. It got to the point where anytime I didn't feel 'good enough' I would began avoiding them until I felt they may be okay with where I am in life.

[@vivian2414]

Same here

[@annasamuelsson8096]

Sounds like my full-time vulnerable narc mom

[@toxicwaste920]

@@marythomas1198 she asks because she has an audience. Shes very friendly to other people and you wouldnt think shes a narc. People love her and adore her.

[@dancelifeforsure]

This is my story exactly! Shame on them.

[@ririimari]

I have struggled my whole life to feel like a person outside of my mother.

[@pmf026]

I can relate.

[@toasto]

Same.

[@Ottermoonoracle]

😥😥😥 same

[@ririimari]

@Stephen Bennett I'm so sorry you have been forced into a position to feel that way. I understand, though. Going limited contact with my mom was and remains difficult for me, and I'm 34. You ultimately have to make the choices best for your and your family's interest, but still it's never easy.

[@beans9019]

Wow you took the words out of my brain. I had my mother on multiple occasions say “you are an extension of me” I don’t even want to be a woman sometimes because of her. She makes me ashamed to be born a female.

[@krisivanova7969]

Cutting contact with my mother was the hardest and most rewarding thing I ever did for myself. What has been equally difficult these past few years, is that I find myself having to justify it to family members who just can't wrap their heads around it, "It's your mother after all, we only get one". I understand their struggle with it, especially since they're only finding out now, and not when I was living with it, but I still find it so jarring how, even within family, our idea of normality, our established relationships with our parents, are worlds apart.

[@ValleyOakPaper]

Same. I broke off contact with my mother in the 90s. That's the best thing I ever did for my mental health. It's hard to heal from the toxicity when you're swimming in it. Wishing you strength!

[@carolemitchell1967]

I stopped contact 10 years ago but the damage was done. She has contact with my daughters/ grandchildren and I have found myself with drawing from those relationships. She continues to cast a shadow and sadly that won't change until one if us passes. Have found some solace in other peoples comments.

[@stephm5877]

I did that after trying everything to no avail. My mom died last year and I still have no regrets cutting her off for so long, even with dealing with her slander and the rest of the family being manipulated by her. It's been much better dedicating that time to my own son and healing instead. It's actually their choice to refuse to change. We can only respond.

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

The thing about saying "we only get one" is - you didn't get any!

[@figgettit]

the most poignant part for me was not having in your mother someone to share your joy or good news.

[@BeverleyMiller_]

I had no sisters, aunts, or cousins. No grandparents to rely on for emotional support and we walked on egg shells our entire childhood to avoid upsetting the status quo for our father. When she died I merely sat down saying, "well, I no longer have to try to please her." At 64 I felt sad that I never did one thing to please her, but didn't shed a tear😑 I came to feel sorrow for her in later years bc she must have felt so unfulfilled in life! I was at a loss with my own daughters bc I definitely didn't wish to emulate my own mother/daughter experience. I tried, but always felt that whatever I did was not enough...be I really didn't know how with no grooming to draw from & raising them as a single mother without child support. RIP Mom🕊

[@gewokrootbeer5399]

@@BeverleyMiller_ Hi was just curious how you got your name:):)?? also am sorry about your Mom😔❤️

[@WomanNextDoor]

My mother was a very cruel woman, and the day I terminated the mother-daughter relationship was bittersweet. I grieved for what I never had from my mother, a loving, caring relationship, but felt instant relief that the weight of her ego was no longer an issue.

[@scarlettyoung4744]

i just got a job and i just really hope to be able to move out in the next year or two

[@RevLetaLee]

Yes, grieving for what I never had. I finally figured out that I never had real love so I'm not missing something I've lost, I'm missing something that a mother represents, that I just never had, and letting go of the hope that I will ever get it from her.

[@kerstynoshel621]

Exactly this.. A little grieving but so much relief.

[@mycreativeheart4159]

@@RevLetaLee This is the thing I'm finding most difficult to do. Letting go of that image in my head of the nurturing mother I deserved. Letting go of that need in my heart to be loved unconditionally by a mother that is kind, compassionate, accepting. Time after time I keep hoping I'll find it in her... even though, deep down, I truly know she is not capable of being that for me. I guess it's really about accepting that my mother will never be the mother I needed as a child or the mother I need now as a 60 year old woman. And grieving the 5 year old girl that never had a mother or a childhood.

[@tobeabletorepentismercy5111]

Sometimes my mind makes me question still if it was my mom that was the issue, but that proves it all the more when I remember all the people that were blocked off from me, she adopted me for the money..

[@miss19lolo]

Isolated childhood here. Spot on. I've learned not to trust anything she says. She makes herself appear as the victim, but she doesn't mention whatever she might have done. And when you remember how toxic and provocative she can be...I went no contact. Best decision of my life.

[@DreamingInTechnicolor]

no contact seems extreme, I moved 1,000 miles away from certain relatives and it improved my relationship with those individuals greatly. You’re really strong to handle going no contact. I’m practically there, since I’m normally not contacted unless someone needs something from me.

[@shanislost1]

miss19lolo I had a pretty isolated, yet denied childhood. She'd always make herself the victim and accuse me of bullying her into staying when she wanted to leave, she also used threatening tactics on me. But she'd also be quite neglectful in a sense of leaving and going places without me. I always dealt with like 300 calls of her either telling me how much she misses me, or how much she hates me and never wanted me. She also used to take credit for my accomplishments, saying how she was an excellent mother.

[@Cagedontheinside]

When I would tell people the truth they would say oh your Mom really? She was good fooling people on the outside of the immediate family. She would twist stuff around and plot and scheme. The worst about gossiping and if she gets caught talking shit about people she will try and worm her way out. Say I didn't mean it that way or I was just concerned. BS She controls everything everyone hears about us children and they think it is the truth. She has destroyed a lot of relationships including with my siblings. They run to her aid like poor Mom and are her little flying monkeys. My Dad sides with her even when I tell him the truth. His comments to me was like,"you just had to do it didn't you?" like it is my fault.

[@blammela]

No contact. Agreed. Ending contact with my parents is one of the most positive thing I ever did for my life. People really don’t understand this. I’ve been demonized by lots of people for ending these relationships. Doesn’t matter the levels of emotional, mental and physical abuse... I’m the one over reacting bcz I finally said No. do what is right in your life ❤️❤️❤️

[@magicbuskey]

@@Cagedontheinside Lol Flying Monkeys! I couldn't have described it better. Thank you for making my day!

[@ovirago8314]

I remember throughout my childhood my mother saying to me over and over “I just don’t understand why you’re so *selfish*”…took me over a decade to fully recognize how messed up a thing that is to say to a CHILD.

[@RonSafreed]

My father would say the same about me being selfish & he was the most selfish one!!

[@gloriakoehler3566]

Literally.

[@RonSafreed]

@@gloriakoehler3566, my father when he was mad at my mother, he was also mad at me & my brothers & I would ask him why, we did nothing wrong & he would just say "because" & nothing more!! This is an "irrational anger", getting angry at innocent folk for no good reason!!

[@orange-rt3dx]

I stayed in my room with the door closed afraid to speak. I cried in bed every night wishing I didn't have to live there. Dad never spoke and stayed out of the house most of the time and mom raged, slammed doors, threw things, slammed pots and pans in the kitchen and wanted me to be scared of her, and I was. She shook me violently for getting my clothes dirty when I went outside to play. I lived in solitude and fear and had to never speak either at home or to anyone else. I found a note later in my mother's desk from a teacher asking why I never talked. And my entire life was ruined. I felt comfortable being abused by one man after the next. I have a very high IQ and wonder what my life would have been like with a healthy environment growing up.

[@Chahlie]

OMG, so much wasted potential, and I think we are all pretty smart and tough, that's why they chose to torment us.

[@annecoates3994]

Heather Smith .

[@roseaduke8835]

I feel you on that last paragraph(re:IQ). What's happened has happened. Time is lost & we just have to suck it up really.

[@noeliajaime7656]

It's never too late though. Don't let her win.

[@scarlettZen7]

I am so sorry that happened to you💔 all of it, the abuse from your mom, your dad by Enabling it, and the horrible men for taking advantage and abusing you. My heart goes out to you. I hope your hurt will lead you to the healer. John 3:16 That’s where mine lead me.

[@joancrawford1146]

I spent the first 40 years of my life convincing myself that I was crazy. I thought it was my job to protect my mom - I didn’t realize I needed the protection from her? It took me 20 years of therapy before a therapist told me, “ you’re not crazy - you’re the daughter of a narcissist” wow. Got off meds and created boundaries.

[@jackiegrice714]

Yeah, it took me 45 years before I realized it was kind of odd that I felt so guilty for not protecting my mother better when I was a kid. To be fair I don’t think she was a narcissist. We were both in a bad situation and she was at best not equal to the challenge of dealing with it.

[@beefstew4698]

Me, too!! 💪

[@debhammersley6756]

I despair for my little 11 year old granddaughter. Her mother totally uses her and using mental abuse and guilt to control her.

[@lisaperry5999]

Me too not sure when but definitely knew she wasn't like my friends moms. At 55 realized it was narcissism, as my older brother

[@helgaherbstreit5102]

@@debhammersley6756 Go to child service. Ask for advice. Let your granddaughter know she I alright. It is so important that she has got you.

[@saffloweroyl3663]

As a child I tried asking everyone: neighbors, priest, doctor, aunts, to find out if I was adopted. I NEEDED to know she wasn't really my mother. No such luck.

[@mina5142]

I thought they might’ve might’ve mixed me up at the hospital

[@errinmora]

I remember hoping and praying the same thing.

[@ziaway1561]

I was adopted. My parents were two only children married at 19. My grandmother arranged the adoption in hopes of saving the marriage. Thank God I bonded with my grandmother. Life-saving, as I was loved. My mother hated her, and our relationship. I was more than just an obstacle when they soon divorced.

[@lettysaadani5871]

Yea I too though I was adopted for many years, it’s the only things that made sense

[@aspyn.j_]

I thought I was adopted too at one point. Like I was actually super convinced.

[@EmRePhoto]

I was viciously abused by my step dad. My mom participated. I just recently learned of the concept of narcissism and I realize they were both narcissists. I was made to believe I wasn’t worthy. I felt ashamed of just existing quote really hit me in the feels. I’m sorry for those of us who endured such pain as children and I hope we are all here because we are learning to heal.

[@kerri-lynbryant293]

Trapped!

[@heatherjohnson3002]

My mother is a narcissist. She is a very controlling person. I felt like I was always walking on egg shells. I moved to another state to get away from the drama of her. It was the best thing I ever did. I keep my distance from her still. Thank you for this video. I have anxiety problems to this day. I never knew what kind of mood she was going to be in.

[@Bielik672]

I moved as far across country as I could.

[@faramoans]

i am also nearly 65 years old and still learning to love myself and overcome the abuse my so-called mother put me through. when i married the first and only man i ever dated in high school, (looking back i realized that being a very naive girl, my parents should Never have allowed me to even be near this MAN who was 7 years older than my 15 year old self ) this man seemed to be my savior and my parents absolutely hated him. I became pregnant a few months after i married even though i began to use birth control a few months before i married and was a virgin until the ex finally wore me down the day after i graduated high school. Nearly everything this Doctor is saying was my childhood. The emotional abuse was actually worse than the horrible physical abuse because that still affects me to this day. I decided the moment my wonderful OBGYN told me i was pregnant and he knew my mother and her personality that I would protect this child with my life. and i did until the day he died in my arms after being injured while serving in the military. The cycle Can be broken by YOU ! best wishes everyone.☮️💟~k~

[@MilkyWay-gi8km]

@@Bielik672 I moved to CA from NJ

[@taniamachin766]

good choice 👏👏👏

[@heatherjohnson3002]

@@taniamachin766 thank you.

[@CherylMuir]

"There was no place to turn." This is accurate AF.

[@timeakiss2636]

my mum died last year and i can’t explain to anyone how it’s actually been such a relief… this video makes me realise how much more healing i really have to do *sigh*

[@Alexandria.Washington]

My Mom died last year (2020) as well. I also felt so guilty for feeling such a relief when she passed! Although I am a grown wife and mother of three, it was a feeling of freedom as well as a passage into adulthood… without her criticism and anger always lurking around.

[@AmyMichelleMosier]

You are free now. Give yourself a chance.

[@drikali]

My mother is alive and my constant worry is I will have no tears when she's gone.

[@rastamuff1]

@@drikali it will be ok when she passes. You can live your life

[@8675-__]

I know how you feel. Unfortunately most of my siblings felt this way about both of our parents.

[@susiekrabacher7468]

Every word is valid. The cruelty my mother made us endure was not clinically explained to me. Thank you for this website. Many woman have committed suicide because of the abuse of narcissistic mothers. I’m certain some mother’s use it to gain sympathy and pity as my own mother did when my sibling committed suicide after being “disowned” by my mother

[@lc-bb6bd]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I believe mothers derive pleasure from the attention and sympathy also

[@jeanettewright5077]

X

[@hollandp9606]

Husbands do to.

[@jeanlewis3214]

They actually want to destroy their daughters!Evil!

[@vanessabean4233]

I understand...I tried suicide @ 11 becuz of my mother...after that I was disowned & abandoned in mental hospitals...so sad, but, I made it!!! Spiritual Warrior, I am🌹🕯️✨

[@hardrok312]

It was extremely exhausting living under her thumb. Every second walking on egg shells. I know this may sound terrible but I honestly don't think I would even miss her if she were gone.

[@cindyrhodes]

I feel your pain. I'm so tired of feeling guilty for normal feelings and reactions. Just breathe. You are not alone!

[@staciwhite4276]

Hard Rok It’s a relief when they’re out of your life. The difference is night and day.

[@shanislost1]

Hard Rok God, I feel the same. Always blaming me for her problems and always being so selfish. Not to mention like 300 calls everyday just to talk shit. I'm out of that now, but it was still so tiring.

[@sylviagordon6307]

Hard Rock, I was relieved when my mother was gone. I did not go to the funeral.

[@qiuwbr091]

Oddly I didn’t want to bury her- The funeral home kept calling me. I was older and could vision her personal struggles. The Internet helped her at the last. She got to view her fathers grave with my help.

[@Anyssa608]

“ all the energy and attention in the household was pulled to the mother.” !!!!!this is a perfect description of my mother.

[@katiebooker7140]

This describes my mom to a T even today!

[@hummingbird9221]

Fits my mother perfectly

[@DA-jw4lx]

To this day, if she is anywhere within listening distance, we are not allowed to refer to her as "she" or "her" if we are talking amongst ourselves. She will yell at us and tell us "I am not 'she', I am MOM! DON'T SAY SHE!" She is 83 years old now.

[@CatgirlWinegirl]

They love seeing you cry too, tears mean that they've won

[@zoefern2117]

This is so sad but so true

[@anandaalvarez4336]

True, and I’m a very sensitive person that can’t control crying

[@kaceyolsen8350]

I'm believing that too. I'm always a total wreck and I break down desperately wanted a damn mom who would give a shit. God no!!! Dont you dare have feelings!! Just gets so pissed off at me says f..k you, or hangs up phone or the classic fine I'll never talk to you ever again. So I've been making her feel extra powerful cause she sees me falling apart and probably gets overjoyed and happy when I breakdown!!! Despise her.....

[@anandaalvarez4336]

@@kaceyolsen8350 I’m so sorry..

[@kaceyolsen8350]

@@anandaalvarez4336 ty Ananda!! I have mental illnesses and she rips me apart for struggling. Then to deal with her bullshit puts me over the edge!!! I have not one person in my life not one so I have been suffering alone for 45 damn years! IM SO DONE

[@mz609]

The saddest thing is that we all grow up loving our parents and wanting their love and protection. My mother is always the hero of the story, but when my younger brother or I confront her she plays the victim. Once she told us "I know you hate me" (trying to blame it on us) and I corrected her "No, I don't hate you. I used to love you but you spent all my love". On another occasion, when I was questioning her parenting and decisions, she bluntly stated that she made a mistake: having children. She's a black hole, she only knows how to consume and benefit from others.

[@adelinepresley5312]

My mom would say that too… idk it was hard to understand tbh

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

And then when we tell people we have no contact with our parents, they look at us cross-eyed. As if we didn't want a family!

[@RonSafreed]

The "selfishness of narcissism for you & yes they are black holes, constantly taking & no giving!! All assholes are narcissists & all narcisissists are assholes!!

[@sagecurates]

Wow what a thing for her to say. I feel that my mother is the same way. What I struggle with is wanting to speak up, but also knowing that the backlash and manipulation is always coming. I'm trying to decide when and how to establish no contact. I hope that you are able to find sustained peace and a sense of family elsewhere.

[@itstonycia]

I would tell my mom I didn’t love her anymore. Bc that’s how toxic the household was and she was the ONLY adult in my life. Besides teachers and celebrities online. So she was the only one to rely on even with abuse. And I grew up in a household never hearing anymore say “I love you” so I remember the first time I told my mom I loved her. I was nervous but wanted to tell her it…probably bc I wanted to hear her say it back. When I did say it she either ignored me or laughed. And I would ask her to say it back. Years later when I started to rebel as a teen bc I realized the house hold dysfunction… I would tell her I didn’t love her as a way to upset her after something crazy happened . But idk if she even cared. No one would believe the stories I have. I even forget the stories bc I’m use to toxicity daily. You forget you were …. When it’s a weekly event and there are happy moments as well

[@Lindsay-Makes-Videos]

I honestly had to stop watching because it was so upsetting, but my overall reaction is "yup that's my entire life"

[@Lizzie-h3j]

Same

[@reddishsky8614]

Same

[@helenhighwater5313]

Indeed, flashback city for me.

[@jfranco3842]

@ Lin,Jesus 🙏🙏🙏can help you heal.And show you,💡 you are loved 💡and smart 💡,and gifted💡.and. He can walk you thru healing.✝️💖😊

[@jfranco3842]

@ Lin, And special .....💖

[@ABBATributeNZ]

Don't you just loathe Mother's Day - the advertisements just glibly assume all mothers are the same? and don't we feel like it's our fault somehow. There should be Joan Crawford Day on the same date.

[@nicolewinters]

Hate them

[@ksthoughtpalace3042]

Yes! A Mother's Day and a Mommie Dearest Day! Let's start one! Imagine the cards.....

[@xiphocostal]

@@ksthoughtpalace3042 Back before I went no contact I would struggle to find a card that wasn't a string of lies. I usually bought a "humourous" card instead, because at least it wasn't full of falsehood.

[@helengibbs3153]

@@ksthoughtpalace3042 look up valentines cards for your crazy ex. Makes me laugh

[@Yossepphie]

"but she's your mother" "Its not that bad"

[@lindseystein9676]

This one hits home for me. My mother is narcissistic. It’s a rough way to grow up. I’m 33 now and have cut off contact with her for about 5 years now. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

[@cathyholden6442]

Lindsey Stein congrats to you for breaking away. It takes courage. Haven’t seen my NM x 20 years. Best decision I ever made with zero regrets.

[@flala2261]

Well done to you 👍👍 i hope to do the same

[@girumzemichael704]

This is maybe the third or fourth video I happen to be watching on parental narcissism but boy, can I write a book on it?! However, I don’t get the “I’ve cut my mom off for this many years, best decision” comments. Can I very meekly suggest that that is hardly a solution because you still carry the wound even if you don’t see that person and don’t have to suffer from further wounding remarks. If we compared books, I probably have the most narcissistic mom (she has many other good qualities but on the narcissistic scale, I bet she would come out on top :)) but I had dealt with her personality at a younger age and am so over her whole “thing” that none, none whatsoever, of her remarks bothers me now. Could that be a better way of dealing with such personality traits than to ignore and cut them off? I think there’s more sanity and healing for both parties if you let things run their natural course...

[@xiphocostal]

@@girumzemichael704 Would you say that if it was her husband? Nope. Getting out is the answer.

[@lindseystein9676]

It was the best decision for me. I definitely don’t suggest it as the first option. For years I tried setting boundaries, speaking up for myself and just flat out not engaging. It didn’t work with her. I tried everything my therapist suggested. I read several books for tips and advice on narcissist parents. She didn’t respect any boundary and became more and more antagonistic. The final straw was her placing a gps device on my car to know where I was at all times. She caused so many problems and stress in my life that I finally had to cut off contact. And yes, it was one of the best choices I’ve made. I was 27ish when I stopped speaking to her, so I tried for a long time. At a certain point I just had to put myself first. I don’t feel sad about cutting off contact. At first I felt guilty that I didn’t feel more sad about not speaking with her anymore. It made me feel like a bad person, but I quickly moved past that after running it by my therapist. Once I realized that I wasn’t the one causing her behaviors, it was pretty easy for me to step back from her.

[@tamarahowell8683]

I remember being about 8 and staying up half the night crying and wondering what was wrong with me/why my mom didn’t always seem to like me/what was wrong with her and then spent the other half of the night crying about how guilty I felt for even thinking negatively about my mother.

[@hriffe1]

wow...same

[@gratefulgrapefruit2290]

Me too

[@nancybartley4610]

I am old now and still do this.

[@Kayla-hs9rt]

Been there 😞 what made it worse is that she would hear me crying and wouldn’t try to calm me down or hold me. Made me feel that my tears didn’t matter 💯

[@tamarahowell8683]

@@Kayla-hs9rt I definitely feel like I comforted her more than she did for me

[@Myohomoto]

I can't even listen to this without sobbing. And I'm 65...

[@jojanna]

Me too sweetheart....you are enough....much love

[@lornasmith1286]

This makes me cry! 💔 But Atleast now We Understand! 🌟

[@janesilver2746]

🥰

[@auroraborealis13579]

Cry it out, sister!! Name it, don’t numb it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@SimplyaLady92]

Aww Mami 🫂 🤗

[@Ottermoonoracle]

“I felt like I had to deserve my existence “ or whatever that quote was, really hit home for me with my mother growing up. Also, I was the one who had to maintain her mood out of constant fear she would have another meltdown, blaming me or my sister for something, and then inevitably stonewalling us for weeks or months. This was when I was in middle school or HS. 😥😬

[@cindyrhodes]

Maintaining her mood..... yes!

[@Ad-Lo]

Stonewalling children. I’m so sorry you had to endure this.

[@qiuwbr091]

Lauren Ott - Gosh I’m sorry she didn’t make you feel good about yourself. I hope you had a more aware father.

[@shivanandaji]

Maturity is earned I bet you are a great person.

[@Chahlie]

Good Lord, the meltdowns... but to this day and can move around super quiet and fade into the scenery :)

[@nirrti7]

I told everyone how my mother was and all it got was a month's stay in a mental hospital and not being believed. My own father, who never married my mother, wouldn't let me live with him because he was a Jehovah's Witness and I went to a mainstream church. He considered me evil and disowned me for refusing to join. I grieve the fact that no one stood up for me and I was all alone.

[@yehmen29]

Have you read Susan Forward's books or Karyl McBride's? They advocate getting a picture of yourself as a child (or of a child who looks like you - I can use pictures of Natalie Wood), or a doll, and then talking to it, pretending you're an adult who is comforting the child you were at the time.

[@michellerwoodby]

Get free from jw too baby girl

[@nmc1859]

Noone stood up for me either. Guess it was easier (for them) that way. Makes me sick to think about it 😕

[@kendrajones9708]

@@yehmen29 I’ve never heard of this method... but even the mere thought of it made me cry hysterically. I feel like that means I should do it. Hopefully there will be some healing. Thank you ❤️

[@jaytay8637]

I am SO sorry you had to live through that. We are all standing up for you now.

[@jeankipper6954]

I'm now 74. Both parents were narcissists, he overt and brutal, she covert and relentless. I've been in and out of therapy since 20. Treatment has changed a lot in that time. My current therapist identified CPTSD, with ACE score of 7. This information has led to a lot of very helpful information. There is of course no repair of the damages to my life. I have successfully avoided passing it on. My main feeling when informed that she died almost 20 years ago was relief. I found out in early 2024 that he died in 2010. Excellent. So the goal now is to be in at least less pain. Working on it, and it is improving. Information helps. Thanks.

[@staceymckelvie7131]

“I’ve tried to deserve my existence by being useful” 🥺this hits hard

[@kathym5936]

I identify with that... very true for me

[@jerushaking1396]

Yes, this hits home.

[@moonmissy]

You described my life with my mother. I often wished I was dead growing up because I never felt I deserved to exist. Everything was about her.. she controlled everything until there was none of me left. I was constantly reminded that I was worthless, useless and ugly. It is painful to acknowledge that my whole childhood is a lie.

[@whbgegs5571]

You are worth more than gold, you are beautiful, and you bring good into the world.

[@artwithmamafairybreadd]

My mother tried to fill me with shame at every opportunity….she hated any shred of confidence….she would shut you down or laugh at you like your a clown…I wasn’t even able to say something as simple as “ my cake turned out good”…. I’d be told off or laughed at….she was so so jealous of seeing any tiny bit of confidence …I eventually stopped talking to her….it feels wonderful knowing I don’t have to be belittled by her anymore….

[@user-hx7mi7ml8u]

That’s so terrible! I’m sorry! Please know, you’re nothing of the horrid things she said to you. She is a terribly insecure and jealous person to ever begin to say such things to anyone ESPECIALLY her own child. Love and blessings to you always. 💕

[@Phoebe5448]

I feel the same way. I'm 30 this year and I feel like I'm a freak and I shouldn't exist because I'm nothing like other people. I don't think I can relate to others and feel empty for as long as I can remember. My mum was an emotionally abusive alcoholic my entire life. I never liked alcohol drugs or smoking, and romance and sexuality is so alien to me. I love solitary activities such as reading and history and science and writing. I have a rich imagination and thats always been my safety net. Too bad its often called stupid and how I do nothing all day.

[@lisaspikes4291]

Same here. I remember contemplating suicide at around 12-13 years old due to how she treated me. But I realized I didn’t really want to die. I just wanted to get back at her for all the cruel things she was doing, and given my limited options, that was something I could accomplish. Thank goodness my will to survive and get out of there was stronger than my desire for revenge!

[@mrs.morris5506]

The world is truly NOT a safe place. If mom can't be trusted, what does that mean for outside relationships?

[@ServantStatusMinistries]

Only put your trust in Jesus. God says the heart of man is wicked and above reproach who can understand it.....but God says that He is not like a man that He can lie. Trust in Him not in man. That alone has healed me dramatically in a short amount of time.

[@kimvannote3690]

@@koobie83 Well, I'm proud of you and I understand.

[@abladeofgrass1003]

You should feel sorry for those who didn't grow up in this and gain wisdom of this illness. We know there are some truly sick ppl out here.. we have the understand and know the clues to HEALTHY and unhealthy mindset.. we are winning. What's alarming is how many unhealthy ppl out here. I'm okay alone, but if and when I do come across a balanced healthy soul..I WILL REJOICE AND SHOW THEM MY APPRECIATION AND LOVE.. Just for being them.

[@yakkityyak9336]

@@ServantStatusMinistries What you say is indeed true. People need scrutiny, allow God to help.

[@realtruth3762]

3/4min in etc so on point. These "mothers" don't deserve the title mother. They're emotionally&mentally abusive monsters

[@luciapoorter9125]

This is spot-on. I suffered an incompetent childhood with nullification and rejection. A lot of shame for being unworthy. My mother always compared me unfavorably to others, e.g. why can't you be like so-and-so's daughter, she's so pretty, or why can't you be like so-and-so, she plays tennis. She wanted me to do things that weren't attuned to my personality but denied me the activities that I wished to pursue. I desperately wanted to do music. When I accompanied my mother to fetch one of my older brothers from their lesson, the music teacher had asked me: "Do you also want to learn the piano?", and when I replied in the affimative, had said I could start at five. However, my mother subsequently refused me this, saying: "I took your brothers and they gave up, so I'm not going to bother with you." She always told me I was "in the way". I felt she attached a higher value to having sons than having a daughter. When I had my own daugther and a friend came round to lend me a breast pump, I overheard her saying: "I breastfed my two sons, you know, but when it came round to ... (me), I decided I really couldn't be bothered!" She was invariably late picking me up from school, which I hated because my violent older brothers had told me I would get beaten up there. At five, I was the youngest in my class. My mother was supposed to pick me up at 12.30 but breezed in at 4.30 saying to the concerned headmistress: "So sorry, I forgot!" That afternoon, while I'd watched all the other kids being picked up, I'd thought to myself that the ones who got picked up first were the ones whose mothers loved them the most, while the ones who got picked up last were the ones whose mothers loved them the least.

[@chokinonashes61]

I thought it was my job to keep my mother happy of course that was a thankless endeavour. I was always frightened as a child, it's taken me 53 years to feel free, pursue my dreams and connect with others in an honest empathic trusting way. My mother's death was the best thing to have happened to me. Thank you for validating our experience.

[@ednasmith4545]

I was relieved when my mother passed.

[@damongirl66]

@@ednasmith4545 I will be relieved when my mother dies. At age 40, I realised something was not right between us. She embodied everything in these descriptions, and much more. I've been many years in therapy and am still remembering a lot of 'new' things. That monster hovers over me with everything I say, think or do and I haven't had contact with her since I was 41. It was the covert sexual abuse that almost cripple the camel. She wouldn't let me menstruate in peace! It must have been exhausting for her. It is exhausting for me, now. I have heard that she is sicker than ever and soon, the step-sisters will be on my back about being the carer. Nope! When she dies, I will be gloating from afar. I wish she could be dead to me now but I think about her every day and she would enjoy knowing that.

[@ednasmith4545]

damongirl66 I completely understand. We get so much criticism because we walk away or refuse to play these games. I am in therapy now still working through my mother’s sick gifts of damage-she’s almost 17 years in the grave. I hope to be free of it one day. I hope you will be free of it also. Keep moving forward. 🥰

[@ourmobilebackpack3097]

I know the feeling. Ditto!

[@digitaldame2672]

I have PTSD about my childhood. I was sexually abused at 4, but remember my mum telling me over and over it wasn't Dad. Now all she talks about is her sexual abuse as a child and how her parents didn't listen to her. I had to shut up. It wasn't my dad it was his best mate. Her victimhood is always greater than anyones. sigh I was abused and she knew. Now as I look after her I can't wait until i'm free of her. And all I do is keep her happy. Im a successful slave.

[@Sylvia00]

For so many years I thought I was too sensitive, exaggerating my emotions, and taking things too personal, because that’s what I heard my mother said to me many times. She said hurtful things but I was always “too sensitive” she “never” meant to say those words to me, that’s what she said. When I was a kid I had toys, my own bedroom, etc so I thought I had a good home and I was probably making stuff up in my mind and she wasn’t really a narcissist person. I researched for many years and finally found the reason: a narcissistic mother. I’m 30 and I’m just starting to understand myself and love myself more than ever. Thanks for the video, it helps me feeling I’m not wrong.

[@AAADHD1619]

Yup! I thought this too. But 3 decades later, a shock revelation, she never needed me, so... why would i need her? She made me feel i did. I really bloody dont!

[@little1942]

My mother favorite word for me is “melodramatic”. She never applies it to herself.

[@lisaa8437]

I heard that always growing up! You’re too sensitive! I’m 58 and just found out about narcissism. I finally have answer on why she was so mean to me and still is my entire life. Now that my dad and brother are gone, I really see the true monster that she is…

[@babysab8013]

Typical gaslighting done by very insecure people who would rather project their insecurities than do something about themselves

[@healthychick9450]

Ahh yes, I heard I'm a cry baby, water bag, stop crying, don't feel. I was never allowed to have any emotion, only obedience. Now when I cry and people say oh you are crying....I tell them yes I am, deal with it or leave but I'm not going to stop.

[@cristinamagurean]

Thank you for this video. I can relate to every single word. She is now 80 and I take care of her. Some days I feel broken beyond repair....some days I think "this, too, shall pass". I am 59. The most important thing for me is that as a mother, I am nothing like her....I sincerely hope I broke the cycle.

[@diamondgrl5030]

You are an awesome daughter!! 💜 your actions reflect that you probably did. What a loving thing to do. Taking care of our elderly parents is not easy.

[@cristinamagurean]

@Telephassa Rose Thank you so much for your comment, it really brings comfort to know that it brought you closure. I guess that is what I am looking for, because I hope that forgiveness will follow...I feel very sad that she still considers herself a flawless mother and that she still treats me like I have no value other than helping her in every way I can. She lives with me and it is overwhelming to be constantly exposed to her toxicity. Be well, all the best wishes !

[@annebradshaw6331]

Helping my mother at her end of life helped heal much of our relationship. I am grateful to have experienced her soften. We forgave much.

[@annebradshaw6331]

I commend you for helping your mother. Just love her unconditionally and you will see the unraveling of years of torture. Don't take anything personally. You may start to understand the origin of her pain.

[@diamondgrl5030]

All of you beautiful ladies inspire me. Thank you for your wise words. I will remember these comments and they will keep me focused and hopeful. You woman really are Angels

[@noticeyourneighbor8649]

This is so validating. I’ve had a lifetime of painful relationships with romantic partners and I can trace it all back to being nullified and abused as a child. 😔 it set me up for anxious and insecure attachment and I was a perfect target for manipulative partners

[@a.b.2850]

Dr Grande, it would be interesting to do a video about the type of fathers we had, to talk about the personnalities of these men that stayed married to these mothers for 30-40 years, letting them be the monstruous mother they were, allowing them to abuse of their own daughter and letting the trauma persist all those years. Thanks.

[@overimagination2812]

Its usually cuz the wife is letting him get away with stuff in another domain of their shared life.

[@4everu984]

Excellent idea!

[@4everu984]

over imagination makes sense...

[@waterotterrock6778]

Omg, that would be great...

[@ruthushka]

Or what happens when dad cuts and runs, further isolating the child.

[@karistone1297]

My mother was so narcissistic that I had no identity of my own as a child. Even today, at 57, I am affected by this. When experiencing pain, it's hard for me to work out where the pain actually is and what type of pain it is. And then I feel guilty for experiencing any pain at all. I remember as a child experiencing a lot of earaches. My mother ignored me when I told her so I used to make my own 'medicine' of milk and water to make the pain go away. I recently mentioned having had a lot of earaches as child at a family gathering, and my mother informed me that was incorrect...I had never had earaches, so the invalidation of my own pain and my own body continues.

[@annam1780]

Hi Karen, I definitely relate. Still struggling at age 56. I was horribly neglected, ignored and abused by my mother. I left home at age 16 and I dont think I've had very good relationships because of my upbringing. Looking to overcome this. I recently had a massive confrontation with my mother telling her a number of things she did that were painful and I got word from my dad that she never did or said any of those things.... they will never take responsibility for anything they say or do and just call you a liar over and over....its abuse on top of abuse.

[@karistone1297]

@@annam1780 Wow, what a courageous thing to do! Good for you! I'm sad that you were invalidated after all that though. Hang in there and don't give up on yourself. You deserve to be loved - your self-awareness means you would make a great partner. You don't have to be perfect, just self-aware and prepared to be open about your shortcomings. Most of us have some kind of baggage! Best wishes.❤❤❤

[@tracifromshreveport7364]

I was raised by a mother with munchausin syndrome by proxy. The punishments I would get were so outlandish and crazy. I remember my mom telling me to not smile in my school pictures because my teeth were ugly when I was 8. I'm going to turn 45 in September and my mom is still living and still very narcissistic. I love her because she's my mom and she gave me life. God says to honor your mother and father...but it doesn't say that I have to like her. It breaks my heart to even think about being the same way towards my son. There's no way! I can't tell you how fucked up I am because of my mom.

[@dawnmariebooher3269]

@@annam1780 It truly is. I am a therapist and a survivor of a Narcissistic mother. In psychology, we call that abuse on top of abuse, "compounded trauma." Even my own therapist is in disbelief of some of the things I have shared so far about my childhood with my mother. And my therapist is in her 70s... you'd think nothing could shock her. The worst was witnessing my mother almost kill my older sister. She was 18y and pregnant at the time; I was 5y. It was over chocolate cake which my sister was not allowed to have. My 7y cousin witnessed this too. But to this day, my mother tries to gas light me and make it out to be my "wild imagination." She will never own the things she did. She terrorized my siblings and me. They got it worse yet they still pretend like she was this wonderful mother. Others love her even though they're all scared of her. I cannot have her in my life anymore. Her abuse extended to my own children and when I held her accountable for it by protecting my children first and foremost she got offended and blamed them for her actions. I feel free now that I no longer speak to her. I am in therapy and healing slowly from this deep, deep wound. My father, whom she kept me from like a pon, died just before I turned 4y. I recently learned of that from my half sister who is 16y older than me. She told me that she and our dad came to get me on several occasions and my mother would lie and say I wasn't there. Then she left me with a babysitter for nearly a year of that time till she heard she was making plans to adopt me. Then she came and got me and tore me from that relationship as well. I think if one word sums up a Narcissist best, it's "Selfish."

[@annam1780]

@Dawn Marie Booher thank you for sharing. Your reply made me read this thread again and it couldn’t be more timely. I have not had any luck over the years finding a therapist that is if any help nor has understanding on a deep level of this kind of behavior and the layers of things we have to deal with. I am now 56 and I’m attractive and kind but so isolated and lonely in my life. This makes me grieve daily because I feel I’m wasting my life and have missed out on so many things. If you can recommend a therapist or are free to discuss please let me know. Thank you 🙏🏻💕

[@rebeccabrooks3648]

I honestly believe that my mother had 5 children to make herself look good and get sympathy for being poor with 5 kids

[@drendabaerwolf8579]

Mine had9 I think she did it for attention. She always told everyone that she did everything herself. Not true. She had workhorses and built in babysitters

[@beckyboo851]

My mum had 5, gave up the first 3 for adoption as babies. Told everyone for 30 years they had died in a car crash(until 2 of them found us as adults, even I didn't know until then). I am number 4. I went on to have 5 children and brought them all up. But of course I would phone her and say I would have the bad day now and again And my mother used to say how do you think I coped with 5 children as if she had us all in her life at the same time and she had worse times than me bringing us all up(my father had a good job, they had a nice house, holidays etc, me on the other hand ended up single parent, hardly no money, jobs came and went(struggled with no family support of course at times), rented run down homes, I'm not complaining btw I made the most and best of what happened to me, did and still do everything I can for my children). She would also tell me that I resented my children, that I hadn't bonded with them and that it's a good job she's in their life a grandmother that loves them so much. So actually she would say to others how she copes so well of being a grandmother to my 5, as if she was bringing them up. Luckily my children very rarely saw her...

[@shkorinabowey7958]

@@beckyboo851 mine damp me at the age of 3at my Grandma and know she show up when I married and get good life and blaming my Grandma my dads mom who rase me good it’s my Grandma told her that she don’t want my mom to come and see me 😢 it’s a big Lai I have a very hard time trying to connect with her and my step brothers my life is turning in happy all they want is money from me and I hate that I want a mother love I am 37 thinking of cut her off

[@drendabaerwolf8579]

@@beckyboo851 she says that to you from her own insecurities. She is jealous of the mom you are

[@WendyFilmsTheWorld]

"I cannot tell my mom about the good events in my life." My mother would brag to my whole family about my accomplishments, but she never ever told me to my face that she was proud of me, or that I did well. In fact the opposite, I was never smart enough, I wasn't doing good enough. I had to figure it out on my own, why did I have to be told how to do everything. Denied childhood. That struck me. Violence, lack of protection and rejection.

[@AmandaontheInternet333]

I feel like you’re telling my story, I relate so much to this.

[@VanesaLovesYou]

Biggest hugs to everyone watching this right now. I'm so sorry you're in this position. Also so proud of all of us for trying to find answers and improve ourselves, despite not having self-improvement/ awareness modelled for us as children.

[@SaritWorld]

Thank you. Sending hugs back.

[@hollyharte7831]

Thank you 😊

[@jodyariewitz7349]

Back at ya!🥰❤👍

[@healthychick9450]

Thank you 😢. That's all I ever wanted, was just someone to say they understand and they are sorry, even if they never went through it.

[@lcflngn]

Hugs to all, tho late to the party. This post caught my eye bc my narc mother was a therapist, and self-improvement - of me (not to mention her whole family & everyone she knew) - was her MO. Completely crazy-making in such a twisted way.

[@evenbiggeral5089]

Dr. Grande’s powerful message: “You are not the only one that this happened to”

[@becca377]

I think this makes me more sad

[@cindyrhodes]

Not only does that mother see others as competition, but she makes sure to talk like a viper about them when the daughter shows romantic interest in anyone. And omg everything had to "make the mother look good. " Thank you.

[@DreamingInTechnicolor]

♥️

[@hardrok312]

My last ex was close to my moms age, after I left him due to his narcissistic behavior. And wouldn't ya know it, my mom lied to me about him and her texting back and forth with each other behind my back! So they probably were messing around together behind my dads back. (My mom and dad have been married for over 35 years) unfortunately, my dad is a bit of a push over and whenever she would have an 'episode ' narcissistic rage he would just hide in his garage and get drunk. I told my mom that I thought the 5 second rule only applied to food dropped on the floor. , then I laughed. She just stood there looking at me.

[@GreengirlEl]

you hit the nail on the head!

[@a.b.2850]

Got divorced 3.5 years ago. Last time I saw my mother, she attacked me, grabbed me by the throat and choked me. Haven't seen her since then. But she's been close friends with my ex! And my ex is very happy to put himself in the middle, pretending that my parents have the right to see our childreen.. something I've never denied them, if at least they would've called me and asked! But they never had to because ex was there, visiting them with the kids whenever they asked him!! And he has the nerve to say that I'm trying to use our children to serve my personal agenda! Its my parents we're talking about here, not his! If my mom wants to see her grandchildren she calls me, but to isolate me more make make me suffer more of my choice of divorcing him, he's offering her a way to avoid me and not being forced to contact me. What a fucked up situation. But I'm trying to distant myself from his behavior, laughing at how long he's willing to put up with his crazy ex-mother-in-law just to "punish me".. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@cindyrhodes]

@@a.b.2850 omg Annie i am so sorry that this is happening but wow. You are not the only one whose folks kept contact with the horrible ex; mine did, too. What are they thinking? Inviting my ex and his new wife to Xmas.... and my husband and I were there. Talk about weird and dysfunctional! I'm sorry your kids have to be part of it, too.

[@wonderful1184]

So much love to my tribe, try to remember our darkest moments can be our greatest strengths. I didn’t even have a word for my mother other than she hated me, reality is she hated herself. Heal and forgive yourself beautiful daughters xo

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

Self-care was selfish. Only the weak sleep. If you are being idle, if you take time to rest, to think, you aren’t earning your existence. Deprogramming oneself from that toxicity is so so hard. I write. It’s how I know I am alive. It’s how I know I’m still here and they haven’t destroyed my mind.

[@gracemercy11]

Wow. I get all of this. The hardest recollection of my childhood was being treated differently than my siblings and being ignored by mom without any explanation and for extended periods of time. My heart is broken. I'm 55 and have never lived properly as a result of my childhood. God heal all of us who understands this video. 🙏😢🙏

[@blahblahblah7380]

I understand. After periods of no contact, we started again...We recently had an argument where she said "you think I was a bad mother, but I was a good mother, at least I never left you!!" The irony is that she DID leave us for 2 years with my great aunt and uncle, who were amazing (she should have left us for good!!!!) and probably the reason I'm not MORE disturbed and the only time I recall any affection or love. As much as I want an apology or even acknowledgment, she is not capable. I have to let her go for good. Blocked her everywhere. I hope you find healing. I'm starting trauma therapy and hoping to rewire my brain as best I can. Release guilt and the trauma bond. Learn to LOVE myself. The little girl in you deserves that too. Much love and peace to you.

[@sofs994]

i feel you. she could ignore me for days in a row after an argument, played the victim for others, i would apologize to death and humiliation , and still, i wasn't good enough. My mom destroyed me, i still love her and feel bad for her.

[@merlinm7977]

Same😞

[@jacksprat429]

I identify with your pain. Love yourself, and understand that you are important, and that she was the damaged one, not you. However, they damage us, through their actions or inaction. I hope that this will give you some encouragement, that you are not alone out there. There are many of us, who have been through similar experiences. Love and peace to you. 🤗🌹💕

[@gracemercy11]

@@jacksprat429 ❤️🙏

[@ThatEggWoman]

"I have tried to deserve my existence by being useful". I could never have said it better myself

[@reneetuer3525]

Be true to YOU, and please don't fall into being a People pleaser. Be a You pleaser, there are many users, manipulative people in the world, and because of our mothers, we may be more drawn to. I find by spending time in nature alone, meditating and little things that bring me Joy....helps keep me focused.

[@thisbeem2714]

Yes, true

[@1RecluseBrown]

I was my mother's slave. This was masked in a glittering facade that we were good for each other. In reality I was a parentified mass of fear.

[@Sierra358]

Same here ❤ feeling relieved reading your comment and others to know it's not just me

[@JG-zs8tr]

"No one could imagine what a nightmare my life was." Wow that hit really hard. These videos about narcissistic mothers are really cathartic. The best part is hearing my mom talk about how her sisters are terrible mothers to their children. Absolutely zero self-awareness.

[@bretth4988]

Even in real life... Why are some women so deranged...???

[@peggylamb2207]

Imagine growing up w/BOTH parents as narcissistic. I had no where to go. Literally. I was allowed to go nowhere. It caused me to start pulling my hair and my father, a dr, would drag me around to his dr friends to show what an ugly daughter he had. Not one of those men ever spoke up to get me help. I think bullies are terrible but I really really hate those who sit back and watch the bully do his thing and never step in.

[@VintageVera]

Evil flourishes when good people do nothing. I don't know who said that but it resonates. I understand.

[@Active0Bserver]

I'm so sorry. One is hard enough, two is it's own kind of hell. You deserved to be protected; someone should have protected you. I wish you nothing but love

[@denjisfag]

I had a similar situation with both parents as narcissistic too. it's really difficult and i genuinely wish you the best since it's one of the hardest things me and many others had to go through. stay safe

[@denisedevoto2834]

So sorry. Both of my parents were narcs too.

[@annazhu2072]

OMG bullies are right, growing up my parents were the biggest bullies. My mother loved parading my faults to the world.

[@auralangst6177]

Themes: 1. Incompetent childhood - nullification (denied existence), demonstration of power (controlling), shame => inferiority/worthlessness 2. Isolated childhood - dependence (limit outside contact), blaming (blame without fault), envy/shiny facade => hypervigilence 3. Denied childhood - violence (without provocation), threatening (constant fear) rejecting (no basic safety/protection) = insecurity/fear

[@highpriestess5998]

I don’t discuss my family situation with anyone these days. People have been so unkind and judgmental. Unfortunately, only those who have survived what I have been through seem to understand. I went no contact in 2019 and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I will never go back as being sick and unhappy is no longer an option. I’m healing and working on becoming the best version of me.

[@digitaldame2672]

I never had a childhood. As soon as I was able I was a mother to my younger sisters. As our mother slept a lot.

[@lurchlovestacos6588]

My mother made me feel shame when I was going through puberty.

[@vanessameisel7408]

Mine too 🥺

[@luv2cook.]

Ditto, funny thing is my DH says it’s bc I am pretty and she never was. (Dad was very handsome) Also funny, last time she visited w/my uncle he said to her-your daughter looks nothing like you. She got all red faced 🥵

[@shan5193]

Yess ! Telling people when I got my first period, she also announced my pregnancy without consent (my pregnancy when 18 not during early teen years )

[@CALIGRL888]

Yep. Same. My mom would make comments to me about acne. My body hair (which I was blonde and had practically no body hair 🙄). What clothes I was not allowed to wear because they looked good on me... all sorts of shit when I started puberty and then all the way through high school. She also has since remained very competitive with me about our body weight since we are close in height and build. But yes, ever since puberty- my body has been the focus of incessant ridicule and I have been entered into a contest I wish to have absolutely no part in 😂 but anyways, hang in there ladies! We can all get through this. The first step comes with understanding and communication!

[@janedoe9317]

@@shan5193 My mom wanted me to have abortions. She told me that "kids ruin your life." Now she has the nerve to say, "Aren't you glad you didn't abort __________? Does she not remember saying this? Or is this just a form of gaslighting? It makes no sense to me.

[@Herr.P]

The only thing they most feel is envy and rage.

[@jaytay8637]

That is SO true. They screwed up their own lives and they are bitter and envious of a daughter who may have a better life.

[@andifism]

I had a breakdown when my eldest son was just little, when I got help I learnt that my mum was a narcissist. My toys would disappear while I was at school because they were cluttering up her house, my mother made up stories as to why I was being beaten and my father believed her. I became invisible, quiet, unobtrusive. When I got older I chose to fight back. I'm not the daughter that my mother wanted but then she isn't the mother that I would have chosen either. I have grieved for my childhood, I'm okay, I grew up tough, however I still cannot get rid of my kids toys (they are 21 and 18!) and your video made me cry. I thank you for helping those who are still in a relationship like this.