How the Fearful Avoidant Navigates the Dating, Honeymoon & Power Struggle Phases

[@ritojamaity1067]

I'm a FA woman and love has been nothing but a very, very painful experience. Navigating through the dating world has been extremely difficult and I've been so very lost but your videos make me feel so seen. They are such a comfort. Thank you so much for your great work. :)

[@catcat9582]

Was wondering how things are for you now?

[@kiskadee321]

“The moment they get into the honeymoon phase they also start entering the power struggle phase of a relationship.” OMG yes. So much this. Wow. This was a thing that I feel like I saw sort of subconsciously but never really saw it so clearly until right now. Wow. Wow.

[@MiereTeixeira]

That’s so me. 😂 I’m working on it, too. Hopefully I won’t scare out my current gf, she’s such an awesome woman. 😊

[@EvieBam]

"I will only date when...." Yep, that's me! I don't like how it feels when I lean more towards my anxious side so I tend to stay on the avoidant side of my attachment.

[@catcat9582]

I was wondering if things have gotten better for you?

[@crizzyplays]

As soon as this FA let me know of the trauma she is dealing with it was like a straight deactivation, it was so mind-boggling

[@nainafavs]

You've explained my current relationship word-to-word 😳 wow! I held myself back to work on myself and heal from past relationship before I decided to start dating. Then when I started dating my current partner, Dating phase was so easy for me.. As soon as we got into honeymoon phase, lot of things started triggering me even though I thought I understood my core wounds well. I feel we've entered the power struggle phase now and things look okay so far although I still get triggered time to time but not as often. I've started watching all the FA videos again to refresh my learnings. It's always calming to hear your voice Thais ❤️

[@Potatopecker]

My ex was just incredibly loving for 3 months. Then she went cold and cheated on me, but I understood her and forgave her and we dated for another 3 months. Eventually I started subconsciously pulling away, and she noticed. I didn't. She really saw my flaws for the first time and she broke up with me. I was the best boyfriend she'd ever had and she was really happy with me. She also said she was "splitting" and essentially forcing herself to see just my negatives in order to leave me or do things that would make me wanna leave her. Basically self sabotage. She said she was inevitably just gonna push me away since me staying went against everything she's been taught. I really hope we can get back together. It's been almost 4 months and she's been with another guy pretty much that whole time but blocked me recently. I hope she takes the time to work on herself. Edit: Realized she did me incredibly dirty and want nothing to do with her. Moved on to something better.

[@eonjustingeneral7073]

She cheated on you and is now dating another guy. I think you have the wrong priorities, because why are you waiting for a woman who cheated on you and is now dating another man- only 4 months later. I think you should work on moving on.

[@Potatopecker]

@@eonjustingeneral7073 Yeeeeah she was my first like REAL girlfriend, so I let too much shit slide. I don't wish anything bad upon her but I want absolutely nothing to do with her. Realized it was super unhealthy and toxic, even at the start of it.

[@kaiavera2800]

Thank you 🙂 I really needed to hear this, a lot of the times I don't understand myself until someone else tells me something about myself. Spot on with the content, I have struggled in this way in a past relationship, and still makes me hesitant to move into a new relationship, like I don't have trust in myself to do better so shouldn't move forward as I'll sabotage in similar ways. Your videos are extremely helpful in bringing me awareness, can't express how appreciative I am to learn all this. The contents and delivery of message is very well done, lovely job Thais & PDS team!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing this. Please don’t give up. We’re wired for connection and you sound like such a beautiful person that is worthy of love. You should consider taking some of the PDS courses. Will help with healing some of those wounds and not letting fear and negative beliefs hold you back from love- PDS team member

[@kaiavera2800]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Thank you very much, I look forward to taking on some courses with your school. This will hopefully be possible in the near future as I don't have a job now and financially tied up in my pets medicals. For the time being, will be absorbing myself in the great videos from you guys 🙌

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Kaia Vera there are scholarship opportunities available, email [e-mail] and tell them your situation

[@iconoclastic-fantastic]

I'd love more elaboration on FA navigating the dating world

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I will share this suggestion w the team, thank you - PDS team member

[@TheGracefulGlowup]

This is spot on 😭dating phase a breeze, honeymoon & power struggle not so much lol

[@TheGracefulGlowup]

What course would you recommend to help with navigating these dating stages?

[@michaelblue6150]

It's funny to me FAs break your trust before u can break theirs.

[@rachelmohi7379]

Yes I'm the best date you will ever have until I realise you like me and I get this overwhelming suffocated feeling. It was a revelation hearing about the power struggle phase - mind blown. I thought I needed space when I experience this feeling or needed to date someone else after a struggle reset period.

[@rachelmohi7379]

@Aisha Naushahi it's not about recovering. I guess you believe your stance on the situation it's hard to see it any different.

[@liliaaaaaaaa]

Thank you Thais for all that you do, in particular all the detail you go into, & also the place of compassion, understanding & empathy you come from. I am really glad I found your channel. There is so much stuff out there online that just talks about blaming the other person & labelling them in order to dismiss people, whereas you talk in so much detail about how people can often behave due to triggers due to core wounds, so it's really helpful the way that you navigate this minefield of human development & how our psyches are all at different stages so therefore to be able to have successful relationships it's so much healthier if we can learn to understand each other from a place of empathy instead. Bless you & all that you do. :-)

[@henryzhao4622]

folks who flee at the sign of officially "dating" and vulnerability: what should a partner do? do you want them to wait even when you totally cut them out? do you just need time for your fears to subside and leave room for the existing love to return?

[@feelgoodvibes1624]

Stay consistent and don’t rush into labelling things. Keep it light and safe and allow the “serious “ conversation to be brought us by us, it will happen even if indirectly 😉

[@alexandraskoo55]

It’s so weird how accurate the information shared here is. I can absolutely relate to every detail and description. Wow :)

[@kimflannery2047]

I became so emotional listening to your video Thais everything you shared made perfect sense at last ..huge thank you for your insights and compassion ☺️

[@Mar6579]

thank you so much for this... so much information that i need to sit and think about. So grateful for your videos!

[@dgrantsmith]

Thank you thank you thank you!!!! I thought I was anxious avoidant but I have had so many of these patterns. Thank you for helping me understand the patterns. I’ve done a LOT of inner healing so this is great.

[@kimflannery2047]

Such valuable information to understand and navigate ..many thanks for sharing this 😊

[@khawlaaltwaty9514]

Thank you so much for all of your great work and efforts putting this together ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You’re so walcome. Thanks for taking the time to write such a nice comment - PDS team member

[@robsin7]

Okay, now i'm convinced to buy your membership. This is so true for me.

[@nataliaoli_]

I was dating this guy who might be as well a FA ou maybe a DA... and the moment I noticed I was getting involved I panicked so much, got so anxious, I didnt know what to do or how to handle what I was feeling. Never showed anything and he was always very stavle and showing up. I, however, never wanted to pull away. I feek that Im on the road from FA to secure. What happened is that he did that, out of nowhere. Less than a week after he was making plans with me and showing interest 😅

[@koala01111986]

Last year I met a guy and we immediately clicked, we talked for a few days and then scheduled the real first date and right after I got triggered and I just wanted to run away and disappear and spent 3 days in radio silence (he actually didn't write me too in those 3 days) to come back the 4th day like nothing ever happened 😅 then everything happened so quickly and two FAs ended up together and then suddenly he broke up, after spending the last month saying how much he cared for me and love me 😢

[@levantineking98]

Thais, I just want to say, you’re the best!!!!!!!!

[@empress_highpriestess3307]

I associated lying to appear competent, save face or to hide actions they associate with potential conflict; to be likely dismissive. Is excessive lying found in FA's as well, for these or other reasons.

[@razvanyke]

Fantastic video, very accurate description. The FA will do precisely like Thais says ..

[@meerkattie]

Can the phases overlap? We've been dating for only three months but it feels like we've gone through all the three phases and are currently in power struggle 🤣 We're two FA's from opposite sides of the anxious-avoidant spectrum or she's a soft DA, I'm not sure

[@stephanielancaster3999]

I've recently been watching your videos and have been loving them! I'm watching them for myself as well as my significant other, to learn how to better communicate with him and make him feel safe and it has been really helpful in helping me see from a more logical perspective. I will ask if you or someone has time to caption your videos? I know its a long extra step but the auto generated captions get a lot of words mixed (such as "cell" instead of "style") and I watch with captions a lot and it would be really helpful! Your videos have been great thank you!

[@stormfalcon72]

“In the TRUST phase...” 😂

[@yi_ch]

Hi Thais, can you do more videos for partners of FA? After watching your FA videos I can understand much better what's going on in an FA's mind but I still don't know how to react in certain situations

[@suras8984]

Im a female FA maybe I can help. Im sure its kind of diff between guys and girls but maybe I can help who knows :)

[@yi_ch]

@@suras8984 that's so sweet of you! I'm currently in a wishy washy situation with my FA guy, he's hot and cold, sometimes people pleasing other times resentful, I noticed this pattern in him and told him he could relax but it just made him even more tense. They say FAs need reassurance but how do I provide it without triggering him? or maybe my FA guy is also too irritable? anyways thank you Sura :)

[@starsof1889]

I would love more content for partners of FAs. A series of videos for partners would be so valuable.

[@adamwood87]

@@yi_ch the first question is: does he know what his needs are? typically, FAs will just need time to themselves. other than that, FAs tend to want validation that their feelings are being heard. something to try: next time he does something nice, let his know that you appreciate him. also remember, it's a two-way street; they have to be willing to talk and tell you what they need.

[@yi_ch]

@@adamwood87 He knew what his needs were but was too afraid to communicate them with me, and last night he finally fully opened up and we talked a lot about each other's needs and boundaries. It took a lot of step by step guidance to get him where he's at now, as I could notice everytime he reached out he was ready to be shut down at the same time. And he admitted that he needed time to himself, so I'll make sure he has his time and space and that his other needs be met, and will show him my appreciation moderately as I don't want him to feel overwhelmed. Thank you so much for your suggestions!

[@CD-qc1ue]

Do FA return to relationships? It’s been 3 months now. My ex was great for 6-8 weeks, then she’d run and we would be apart for 4-8 weeks. This happened 4 Times but now we haven’t been together for 3 months. Last time she stated she wasn’t being heard and stated I had issues (which I don’t) with her ex husband. She also stated she feared I would treat her daughter differently to my two. Felt like excuses to me. Never did she sit down and explain her fears. Great then boom dumped

[@TheYork95]

They have great difficulty to explain the real fears so they try to gather random problems as a justification to run away. Then once they are not triggered they can come back, if they are not too afraid of trying again.

[@nicoleflusk5434]

@@TheYork95this is very true!! Understanding this helps

[@gayleneflower398]

I couldn’t find the two and three hour sessions about this topic on your channel? How do I navigate your website? Thank you.

[@veglissa5756]

So helpful as always! Thanks, Thais.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Always welcome! - PDS team member

[@victorian4968]

thankyou..very helpful

[@ScottH7651]

I've never seen dating distinguished from the honeymoon phase. Can you elaborate? I assume the honeymoon starts after the couple agrees to be exclusive?

[@logi9416]

If you are in an on/off relationship, can those relationship phases be prolonged due to interruption?

[@kingaberlakovich5585]

I thought I am an anxious attached, but I am an FA and I am dating a DA😅 it’s not the easiest thing, but I am working on myself.

[@felicitykassis7015]

Hello Thais, is it possible for a fearful avoidant to transform into a dismissive avoidant with time?

[@Vanibabi973]

I do. Only if the person im dating is too demanding of me. They dont allow me the space to process the time we spent and they dont give consideration that I absolutely need to feel safe and accepted before i let them completely in. Also if they dont pay attention to me as in what kinda person i am and the things i like , or they dont inquire what makes me happy. They just primarily want me to fill there void. They have no confidence and lash at me for not giving there way quickky enough or at all. Or they take for granted my good nature. I notice everything, especially when someone is not reciprocating the same level of my giving nature. And i dont like jokes at my exspense.

[@dave47663]

As a man, the difficult emotions you mentioned appear in the honeymoon phase actually show up in the dating phase.

[@jamiew83831]

Off topic but did the the gut health speaker do an info session yet?

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

No not yet - PDS team member

[@jamiew83831]

B the Change interesting! I’m looking forward to more info on the topic.

[@sparksfly5572]

Heard your voice somewher

[@Talkinglife]

nice

[@Jayee9999]

On each of your videos you’re always promote your materials and your courses. I understand as the Bible says that “the workman is worthy of his hire”, but it seems like everything you do has a price tag on it.

[@koala01111986]

Last year I met a guy and we immediately clicked, we talked for a few days and then scheduled the real first date and right after I got triggered and I just wanted to run away and disappear and spent 3 days in radio silence (he actually didn't write me too in those 3 days) to come back the 4th day like nothing ever happened 😅 then everything happened so quickly and two FAs ended up together and then suddenly he broke up, after spending the last month saying how much he cared for me and love me 😢