How the Stories We Tell Ourselves Can Make or Break Us - Letters From Esther

We tell stories to explain why we are the way that we are. But sometimes, we hold onto those narratives a little too much and become stuck in our past.
While we’re not in control of how life unfolds, we do have agency over how we structure and interpret it. Creating new stories can liberate us from defeating narratives, predetermined thinking, and forgone conclusions. It’s not about letting go of what has lead us to this moment, it’s about writing new chapters for change.
In this workshop we’ll take inventory of the stories that have served our past leading us to this moment and how to make room for new narratives that suit our future. What new stories are you ready to live?
I’ll be discussing this month’s newsletter on Storytelling.
Letters from Esther Perel is a monthly newsletter and free workshop series created to help you deepen your connections through reflection and action. Sign up for the series here: bitly.com/lettersfromesther

[@danielleleclair1125]

When it comes to our story and healing, write often and edit well. Life has been just a rough draft so far and we are born twice - once to our mothers, and again to ourselves. The unexamined life is not worth living. 🙏☺️☺️☺️

[@sayusayme7729]

Love that. Actually an unknown movie called Born Twice.

[@danielleleclair1125]

@@sayusayme7729 oooo I'll have to check that out.

[@teach1nation]

Perfectly said!

[@TheeSeniorJr]

love this quote!

[@kimgordon3695]

Beautifully spoken ❣️

[@sophiafake-virus2456]

We live in stories, not in years. I forget who said that. Our lives are stories, ourselves and others are characters, we tell stories to others about what has happened to us, and about our lives, and whatever has entered our minds, our past becomes stories, and other people tell us stories. We forever tell stories in our own minds, even our dreams are stories.

[@michellemcguinness2178]

'Say something to the person who still sees you as 16 even tho your 45', that totally sums up my family attitude towards me and my inability to feel worthy of anything as an adult.

[@sayusayme7729]

Once I stopped telling my story, I started to heal 🤍 I began listening to what I wasn’t saying and it allowed me to connect to the darkness. That’s where healing ❤️‍🩹 begins. No more hiding my true self from myself or others. Thank you Esther Perrel for your wisdom. So grateful 🦋 I would tell my 18 year old self to always trust herself and what works for you. No explanation.

[@cartergomez5390]

Wow! Thank you for this perspective! I will stop telling my story to see what pieces of wisdom I can gather and the creativity that is going to help me develop. 🙏

[@madelinem7677]

I like how you share your thinking. ✨

[@VanessaAsay]

“So many of our core stories were once adaptive responses to a terrible life plot.” 😮💡 I honestly think that listening to you & absorbing the wisdom you are imparting has been more beneficial than years of therapy. Thank you for sharing!

[@DivyaJoan]

I so agree. There's so much wisdom here. Much better than therapy.

[@kasey77]

I would tell my 18 year old self "You teach people how to treat you."

[@laulauebanks9149]

This is the bomb she is truly awesome

[@giantessmaria]

In moment awareness is so vital. We all are nothing more that habitual creatures. Our tendencies are; to go onto auto pilot for reasons of comfort. It's a lazy, and ultimately costly pattern, which eventually leaves us wondering why we're in situations that we're in. Practicing and perfecting a strong sense of self awareness is the key to just about everything we will subsequently experience. Removing chance from the equation, and subsequently spending all this time, effort and heartache on wondering why and how all this bad stuff 'happened to us'... Unfortunately, by the time we realize all this(if ever), so many bad patterns have already been installed and we need to identify, remove and replace them. Like blockages, they keep us from experiencing all that is possible... There's so much to UNLEARN! Thanks for the keen observations! 🥰

[@davidmchugh-hypnotherapist7213]

Psychodrama is very powerful. As we express our new story, we create new connections in our neurology and change the way we feel about self and others. Thanks for your fresh insight and clarity into this subject.

[@aperture_settings]

"What we insist on, presist!" ❤️

[@valentinapoenaru1716]

I love you Esther❤️ You are doing so much good to the universe with the work you doing. Since I discovered you I started to reflect on so many aspects about my life. You are truly wonderful person🦋🦋❤️

[@danielleleclair1125]

The idea of finding and figuring out the story in the beginning of a relationship to find fit is so friggin fabulous.

[@AlicaKrmac]

"Write often, edit well" - brilliantly simple!

[@dianedelina7806]

YES, I often make unfair assumptions and have to revamp my thoughts.

[@gabrielakania7262]

Dearest Esther, Thank you from the depth of my heart for all these live workshops that you do. I turned here to better serve and understand my clients, yet I, myself, have received so much wisdom & insights for my own personal journey🙏 And thank you to all of you contributing here as well with your stories and thoughts. I feel blessed to be part of this community🙏🤩

[@petercummings2802]

Good therapy creates the environment and the conversations for narratives that for me were never heard, because of physical or emotional fear. These narratives became the filter through which all things were experienced. I believe in the power of stories and of the need for them to be heard, in order to create the space for new ones. I believe the grief I've felt deserves to be witnessed and heard before I can say goodbye to the stories that no longer serve me. I don't believe it ever ends, but that I come to navigate it with more kindness for myself and those who are part of my World. Thanks Esther, you've kept me good company along the way and I so appreciate your desire to share.

[@julid2615]

I love this human being. Not only she is smart and sensitive, but also she has such vivacity.

[@biljanarufati8346]

I just love your work, but even more so, your passion Esther. Thank you so much for sharing it with us all around the world! It's truly a gift :-)

[@natasastankovic2708]

It's good to hear that I am not alone in my problems.

[@rickyn4710]

Esther, you are absolutely brilliant, a true gift to the world. Your talks on infidelity likely saved my marriage after my wife had an affair early this year. Thank you.

[@kobusdevos4984]

Don't be a prisoner of your past. Those people that caused you hurt aren't even aware of what they did to you. Forgive them and move on. Ask Father God for His forgiveness and plan your own exciting future. God Bless you all. Thank you Esther.

[@gobigandgohomeschool4882]

Thank you!

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

There is an importance of telling the story… when you’re dedicated to personal growth and resolving old issues as we RETELL and examine the story, we begin to hear it differently…. and the emotional content of it shifts, at times drastically. ~c

[@dorisknaggs8452]

Esther, you've been an inspirational guru of human relationship..a keen follower of yours. What lovely stories from you. Stay Safe & Keep well. Much Love from Melb.Aus.

[@Jessica-tz3wb]

This is such a nice session. Using the stories lens to look at the past experience is much more playful than seeing them as evidence. Thanks for this workshop.

[@genevievemaltais9478]

Vos propos sont tellement clairs, informatifs et pertinents. Merci de nous partager vos connaissances Esther.

[@adelinadimitrovachanneling]

Thank you so much Esther! Can't wait your cards to be available to order in UK! Blessings 😇❤️

[@DivyaJoan]

Those were really pertinent, deep, and thought-provoking questions at the end. I thoroughly enjoyed this. I identify with so much. And this has been on my mind of late; so, excellent KZbin recommendation (although I'm already a subscriber).

[@susysusy3418]

Thank you Esther! I am in the chapter to reconnect to my true self! Really hard work to do and I believe it will be so empowering once we reconnect to our true self. Start to discover many things that I ve never had a thought before. I believe we will trap on our old story for the rest of our life if we never have awareness to rewrite or edit our story. Very insightful as always❣️

[@kimgordon3695]

11:45 ~ "core stories are an adapttive response " perhaps blocking the future

[@pollygeller9426]

Merci bien, Esther!

[@jholl3998]

This is lovely! Thank you for helping me parent myself and guide me on how to be a better human.

[@louisegeorge8128]

You are great, Esther!

[@daniahermosillavyhmeister6201]

Brilliant! Thank you so much, Esther, you’re a true guidance and inspiration.

[@ali1dr185]

Thank you! Esther 🌹

[@sarahbmothering3797]

Thanks Ester. From Australia!

[@lorainej4771]

You are the best Esther. I needed to hear this today.

[@MiriamA766]

Thank you, Esther. I needed this for my new job, after my last negative experience.

[@tariqahmed7244]

I have watched a few clips in a month or so each time I see one I feel enlightened . I feel like I am with my Mother who is guiding me for she passed away in Aprol in covid . Thank u for the effort it gives us a chance to feel atleast somewhat worthy of ourselves and understand and be equipped to handle situations in life . With 💕 and respect 🙏

[@franlewis1607]

You are a beautiful person. Thank you for this thought provoking lesson.

[@laylatungatarova391]

Thank you very much, Esther, from Kazakhstan

[@AnelyBek]

Thank you Esther!

[@manoushi85]

Thank you for the amazing content just it raised me up I understood where I am standing thank u 🙏

[@tokilupenadz3560]

Thank you Ester💛

[@AMZO2014]

i love this woman and her gifts!!

[@hrobertson4966]

Thank you for sharing so many valuable insights 💞💫☀️

[@antoneLLina8]

Thank you Esther , you are my life saver and my hero.

[@char3708]

Hi Esther, thank you for your great advice. I have followed you for quite some time. Char from Las Vegas

[@somayemansouri2438]

Thanks a lot. 🍁🌹

[@anjanettesmith8014]

Thank you so much!

[@linettelow]

Thanks for sharing this, Esther 💚🌷 #MuchLove

[@paulapradobodymindbeautiful]

You are too much! Too much in a sense of espetacular… amazing… show!!! Esther, I cannot tell you how much you help all of us and how much I love to hear you! I use all the things you talk about and they help me so very much! Thank you 😊🌷💖

[@jldh01]

This workshop definitely has been something that I desperately needed to have to be reminded that I am my own story teller, editor, writer and a publisher. Thank you so much for bringing the heavy issue up while not labeling people like me as the “problematic matter”.

[@shakntalk]

This was great. Thank you.

[@jessicamorales2555]

So simple and so true... the world is in our mind. What I decide to believe (or tell), is reality to us

[@milenadanyo3637]

Excellent podcast! Gives me clarity and so much to think about! Thank you Esther Perel! ❤️

[@AZheatherrr]

I love you, Ester. I am such a work-in-progress, but you have helped me to travel down paths I wouldn’t have known existed without your comforting guidance.

[@Devotionalpoet]

Amazing talk! Very applicable to life, which is so needed for people everywhere. Thank you! 🙏🏻✨

[@tamaradinka]

Can't wait to answer those questions! I've never stopped writing a diary but life has become such a struggle that I even cannot truly confront this semi-cautious person who used to be super courageous in her 18! Hmm but still, it is all here!♥️ Thank you so much!

[@smokedawg9371]

Wonderful Wonderful thank you !

[@elizabethclark4892]

i feel your information that i have been listening is some of the best that i have heard in a long time. Thank you for the abundance of help. You remind me a a very dear long time friend. I wished i had you as my counselor.

[@Chipop267]

Thank you!

[@beatrixsullivan7086]

Thank you, Esther. Your insights into the human condition and ability to articulate the complexities involved in navigating it has helped me tremendously.

[@CMartinSalomon]

What a great topic! Thanks 👍😌

[@adriajanni5822]

I will take this challenge and try to write some of my stories, my chapters. Thank you for your wisdom and insight.

[@heyu123]

Bless this incredible human being

[@jasminekelson4990]

Thanks for this, insightful as always. The insight supernova.

[@kimgordon3695]

Thank You so much Estelle Tell the L O V E STORY 💝 BECOME THE LOVE STORY!

[@coachconstance5228]

💌 thank you #EsterPerel ! I’m so happy I just found you new KZbin series. You are a gift to the world. 🙏, CC♥️

[@carolscholfield234]

You really are a gift to us all Esther. You remind me to examine myself xx

[@ShannonMillerme]

Everything she does is Gold

[@WhenAphroditeSpeaks]

Great timing!

[@Bathoryx619]

I’d tell my 18 year old self “ your ability to look for love and give love , is only genuine when you can actually be in a state of love with yourself.” Thank you Esther, you have connected me to so many aspects of myself that I couldn’t even begin to acknowledge our of fear or feeling that I wasn’t even worthy of investigating within myself. You’re a gift to this world.

[@marywest6844]

Well said.

[@deepafelix1]

Amazing! Thank u!! Attempting to edit well ❤️

[@sandralazzarino7588]

Such a wise woman!!

[@jen-dy6tm]

I was thinking that. Education is important but there is also wisdom and compassion mixed in with her content, and i feel like that is what makes it work, for me..

[@SantannaFernanda]

love you so much!

[@yinlong9829]

What you said today really hit home, I am a mother of three wonderful children, that is not to say that I don’t have daily struggles with who I am, what and how I am doing as a mother, how I can help them, especially my middle one, 16 year old. At times, I feel hopeless, at times, I feel I am connecting with him…. Life, my best teacher, and yet, I feel I am not learning enough, or, not understanding it enough…. I will continue listening to your talk. Please also share where you have your practice. Thanks for being there for so many of us.

[@lilysunshine3447]

Thank you.

[@ishitabharangar2230]

@estherperel . I feel so grateful I found a psychotherapist like you on youtube. You are a psychotherapist one needs Watching your videos is growing and observing how one is greater than their mind and how this magical tool sometimes manipulates us. I come from a country where there is a high need for great psychologists and therapists. And you serve us. Thanking you! Please keep encouraging

[@marywest6844]

This talk is so relevant for me.

[@susysusy3418]

This is so good. “Stuckness” is excruciating. In the rabbit holes of thinking is making me crazy. And the process to raise above the stuckness is phew … is like drug addict want to get away from their addiction. Thank you Esther. I wish I could have therapy with you…

[@flaviaescobar3007]

That was utterly healing and it was sent by the universe :) Oh! hold on! Esther, you are the universe ;) Amazing!

[@alexrodriguez5370]

she looks great. her clothing and fashion choices are my biggest take aways. Oh, and WHAT we INSIST PERSISTS

[@hugov89]

Esther thank you so much for your work and sharing it with us all. 🙏🏽

[@natalialedesma3767]

Maravilloso!

[@esp_09]

This is completely amazing, you’re like a descendent of Freud

[@elokot1420]

Thank from Albania

[@tamdinh1273]

Amazing!!!

[@kimgordon3695]

9:00 💝 it's an eye opener... lady Estelle (so much gratitude 4 U!)

[@kimgordon3695]

10:00 throughout my life someone stole treasured nothing ... From.me May they go forth blessed as a child

[@kimgordon3695]

Sometimes they burn it

[@kimgordon3695]

The conclusion of the matter... Every thing being heard IS "BE ON TIME!" SHOW UP FOR THOSE YOU LOVE!💝

[@indiraningiza3286]

Love this ❤️🙌🏽

[@BarbaraMerryGeng]

..We are story tellers, it is important to tell great stories that are inspiring & encouraging .. instead - many choose to tell stories that are more like news report blasts.. We pick the items with most action & drama..As if we hope to be nominated for academy award. While these very dramatic stories have a big impact on us initially- they are in fact - not what really defines us as an individual - but rather what we do & who we became as a result of those experiences. > I recently switched from writing my daily journals in paper notebooks - to writing shorter sometimes on my iPhone notes. I love having the option to go back throughout the day & do rewrites - it feels liberating & empowering . 🌼🥰🥂💫

[@user-ez8mn5ig8m]

Loved. it.❤

[@Samazamas]

I like you very much - how intelligent you are and the way you explain things. ^_^

[@heartfeltunion4405]

Big Fan, Thank You!

[@juditb5518]

Thanks Esther. Looking for the cards🙂. Judy

[@aimozs]

Love that so much.. c'est exactement une partie de ma relation de 9 ans qui s'est terminé ya 2 mois 💔😭🫂

[@sdla690]

I just think you don't have to really understand who u r if you spend time to understand life, because it ll let go your worry and even pain. Let go of the desire of control of everything, accept life is bunches of lessons and challenges, there is no need to label good or bad, be grateful and happiness will come to you closer and closer

[@janetadams3467]

Brilliant

[@duniamaisha7695]

Things will never be the same again.i protect my hearr and mental health

[@MarkConnely]

I was confused - so many stories, where do I begin? Which one do I work on? And then I realized: The one I am writing *now*. Thank you, Ms. Perel. So relevant and helpful, as always!

[@markemerson98]

there is only one thing we do know; that we don't know what we don't know....

[@kimgordon3695]

13:00 "What we SEE in the Past..." 💝

[@AMZO2014]

If these human relations skills were instilled to the youth when they are impressionable and sponge like- imagine the world of the future could be? Without esteem hang ups, ego issues, resentment, defensiveness. Mature, emotion- healthy, communications in all relationships . Wow!