How to attract the best partner - Dating strategies for singles from the Attachment Specialist

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[@AttachmentAdam]

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[@lynettejohnson9051]

My dating app experience was chatting with probably a 1000 in a year and only met 6-8 of them. I look for intelligent conversation and caring personalities.

[@lynettejohnson9051]

I actually helped more men change their dating app profile to attract someone else better for them than the amount i actually met in person.

[@MartaHobzova]

I like your analogy "don't be a McDonald in dating" 😄

[@lynettejohnson9051]

I had a long term faithful relationship that was challenging but safe... when it ended i was so broken hearted i didn't think I'd find another that was safe and fair.... so i fell down the dopamine trap and was used and abused. Learned valuable lessons

[@lynettejohnson9051]

Used to have a handful of close friends but life took us in different directions and now only 1... the man i have been dating for last several years. Finding friends with similar values and fun artistic activities is one of goals.

[@lynettejohnson9051]

Yes! It should be like a life resume... good way to explain it.

[@cjthefox]

Love this so much more than you’re typical “haha you’re lonely give us your money” websites and videos

[@lynettejohnson9051]

Im looking for more face to face conversation about feelings and intentions about the relationship and current situation in a calm and fair way.

[@khaledhassan4706]

Thanks Adam for the gems and laying out the process in a simple, step-by-step format. Would you consider New York City to be one of those places where it's like searching for a "hay in needle stack" and if so, do you have any suggestions for how to find healthy, securely attached people? I am connected to a religious community, but feminism is potent there, too. I've tried looking into other communities, but this one is the only where I've found some guys I can connect with. I'd be grateful for any insights if you can have a moment to share them. Thanks again for all the really helpful content, God bless.

[@hspinnovators5516]

Would love to learn as a female how to vett female friends. Im used to vetting dates (men) but steering clear of judgemental women who wont bitch about your future husband or theirs is hard

[@lynettejohnson9051]

Have not been on a dating apps in several years...absolutely no interest now.

[@catcat9582]

Is it ok to make having a family a goal? That was my driving goal to get thru my pain in life until I had something more traumatic than my childhood happen to me. Role models( around me while recovering) also experienced infidelity and divorce (long term relationships i.e they were highschool sweethearts and the other couple each others firsts) and i started losing any hope to overcome anything. I always pushed myself to get healthier and heal my attachment issues so I could have a healthy marriage and children. Experiencing malevolence, losing friends via betrayal thru sabotaging me romantically and then seeing my role models lose their marriages really disillusioned me. I've lost that goal and other goals. Is it a healthy & reasonable to make marriage a goal? I will admit I probaly saw marriage as a heal fantasy in some ways. I did understand it is hard work and would watch things from the gottman institute & john grag to learn before marriage how to make a marriage last. Is it reasonable for me to make being a wife and mom my goal since it takes someone else to pick me to achieve that goal?

[@arminxvs3372]

Of course it is! Even a noble one at that. Sorry for your bad experiences tho. But yes, that is a great goal. Ofc it takes 2 for that but it starts with you - be the person that someone else could see as a potential wife/mother of children. So work on yourself, heal from bad experiences and be at peace with yourself, happy with yourself. Only then you can attract other whole people. Marriage/kids become a bonus, a cherry on top. Never look at them as a solution to your inner axieties because that is a heavy burden for your man and your kids. And they don't even know about that burden. Be whole because then you can share that with others. Wish you all the best! ❤

[@mikerussell1145]

I struggle to make friends living in a foreign country. Not only that the local language isn't my first language but the culture is very family oriented so everyone is busy with their partner or family. Not only that but in the culture most people stick to themselves and don't really talk to strangers so it's even harder to start conversations with people unless you already know them. Most foreigners here are younger than me and are teaching English to kids with a lifestyle of drinking and partying a lot outside of their work which is not something I am interested in and they usually leave after a year or two. I am an engineer here and have work friends, but none of them are close friends and it doesn't seem to be in the culture for men to open up about anything. I am staying here so I can continue to see my children who I share care of with my ex-wife.

[@unicornkitty8105]

Sounds like you are in Sweden! 😀

[@TylerSantinelli]

I've been dealing with women who say yes when I ask them out ("hey, let's get coffee some time, are you free at such and such a time, yada yada"), we exchange numbers, but they either change their mind explicitly or they stonewall and we never find a time. Thoughts? This has happened a few times now.

[@zingking0132]

Move on. There are some weird flaky women out there don't waste time on them

[@andrewaccount954]

Do you do anything to scare them away, like double text

[@TylerSantinelli]

@@zingking0132 that's been my strategy. If they're not looking for anything I'm not going to sell them on it.

[@TylerSantinelli]

@@andrewaccount954 no, the weird thing is that they've reached out to me, to say merry Christmas, for example. But when it comes to actually meeting up suddenly I'm doing all the work.

[@arminxvs3372]

Don't think too much about it. Some women just want the affirmation and confirmation. Once they "got you" then they are satisfied. And since too many girls are scared or plain ignorant it is easier to ghost or stonewall guys than telling the truth. Move on and forget them, friend. It's them, not you. 🎉

[@TraceyBettencourt-it9th]

I’m heartbroken. My bf recently said we’re not together, I was totally confused because I thought it was fine. I don’t have crazy expectations. I am totally in love and he seemed to be also. Then Out of the blue he said we’re not together. But what is confusing is he says that but still texts and calls. I am the longest girlfriend he has had?is he scared? What does this mean? Do you have any advise to help my relationship get better?

[@hspinnovators5516]

Avoidant Attachment