How to Avoid Dating a Narcissist with Dr. Ramani

[@WhatsWorking]

Have you ever dated a narcissist? Access hundreds of mental health videos featuring Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/2nRMi8s

[@ntitus3025]

Of course, they are everywhere! 😫

[@andreasleonlandgren3092]

Yes. She accused me of things i did not do after we had split up. Slanderous.

[@patriceriddick7986]

Unfortunately yes twice

[@TheGunelchik21]

Yes, two relationships actually. I am pretty much sure their numbers are highly underestimated, they percentage of population is quite significant. And hell, they are so terribly tricky, every time I was about to be positive he was a narc, they would do something that gave me hope he is not.......

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Yup. I wasn’t 💯 about the label as those two relationships didn’t last that long, but yes they were hot/cold, manipulative, stringing me along, empty promises, subtle put downs, love bombing. Sporadic withholding. For me it was the coverts. I think the overt ones are far more obvious.

[@maryallison1266]

I was love bombed. I couldnt believe someone so fabulous was interested in me. He bid at an auction for a property for us and paid the preliminary $100 deposit. But then he realised that access to his funds was delayed. Of course, I covered it. By the time we moved in, he had no job, no car and no money. He ensured all bills were in my name. It was always me who had something to lose. But it was him who walked around "proud" of his achievements and showing off to strangers. I was told how lucky I was to have him. But I would not marry him. By the time I left, I lost everything. He was married within 12 months and went to live with his new partner. No one falls in love faster than a narcissist needing a place to live.

[@colourful5007]

So true !!! Narcissists fall in love quickly because they want something they miss; something that the victim possesses: home, money ...

[@businessdetermined4773]

bol

[@azeei5448]

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[@maryallison1266]

@@azeei5448 Thank you.

[@lyrismartin2839]

While going through a horrific separation my ex baby daddy popped up we talked a lot it had been 15 years since I heard from him. He was so helpful in listening. So loving.......I was selling my home and contents then went into hiding from my husband while waiting for our court dates. Working my small business was becoming dangerously leathal so I sold it and only had contact with 3 people my roommate and the police officer handling my DV case and my attorney. After almost a year of him stalking physically, by phone, social media, he finally asked for his personal things left at my shop. His attorney told mine where to drop them off. I changed the time and went later. Found my husband had shot himself. After dealing that realization I survived this. My ex began his plot to get me with him and financially suck me dry. Sold everything cleaned out my husbands accounts as we were still legally married. Sold the business kept almost nothing. And moved to another state with my ex. He was wonderful for almost 2 years I was then broke and pretty stable mentally went job hunting he hated all my job offers. So I was a stay at home girlfriend. Nothing happened infront of his kids for almost a year and the middle child did not like it at all. Long story more. But he was incredibly smart after the fact I found out he was cheating packed up while he was at work. Graveyard job. Took the kids to the bus for school grabbed my dog and left called him from Another state and said he needed to get his kids from school as I was unable. I didn't know it but he had a spy app in my phone took me a few months of how the heck does he know where I am anyway got that taken care of and have been 2 years 100% contact free. Not today Satan is my slogan

[@livinggood6876]

I just got rid of one I was dating. I set a couple of boundaries, and like magic, he stopped investing his time. I am getting better at seeing the characteristics and not taking the relationship forward. Narcissism is becoming a public health hazard.

[@dannym6552]

Ohh please share, I may need some repellent as well

[@stephanieward3448]

Yes. If. You confront. Them. They. Avoid. You

[@OnesPowers]

Oh stfu no ur not. U dumb sucks actin like u know better

[@bratzsnoopy]

You dodged a bullet!

[@sash8099]

@DonaldJ White is showing under the colour - what does that mean? I'm not sure what addicts look. Is it similar to drunk people?

[@karengibson1693]

After 20 years of being married to a narcissists I finally realized that if I didn’t leave him I would die young

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Karen Gibson,you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷🌹🌷🌹🥀🌹🥀to be with a narc 🙄!

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Karen Gibson, you deserve better

[@brindageorge701]

Oh, yeah! They'll march you straight to Hades in a gasoline handbasket. And when you get there, no matter your age, you'll not feel or look young.

[@StephJ0seph]

13:13 _"Sometimes their stories are so good that you don't even realize that they're not asking about yours."_ - Dr.Ramani That is actually a genius statement.

[@Arcachonforever]

Somehow my ex narc was the complete opposite... he always put the focus on me and never shared anything about his life. I couldn’t even ask him a question about his childhood without having it asked right back with no answer. Very strange.

[@lsmmoore1]

And so very true about one of the "nice" abusive teachers at my special ed high school. This teacher's entire mode operandi was talking about her stories in a way that was engaging, and then - never asking about how I felt. And this was further obscured by the fact that she took me to a dog show twice because I loved animals - and no doubt because SHE liked animals too. And this was also a teacher who (again, in a special ed school where the students would of course be mentally vulnerable) pushing all sorts of strange beliefs, including quack beliefs in some of the books she gifted me, questionable mindfulness exercises* in a "meditation club" which had just me and her in a dark room with these mindfulness tapes, and the idea that a homeless man was an alien, as in extraterrestrial - and yet this school, which had a lot of abusive teachers, didn't even take THAT sign all that seriously - the teachers just cracked jokes about this teacher "losing it", never even giving her a lecture about why she shouldn't foster the kind of beliefs that could enable delusional disorder. And these jokes - if I hadn't taken what she said about that and ran with it, forming my own stories, she could have used those jokes to foster an "us against the world" thing. In other words, the teachers telling those jokes were enabling this teacher's narcissism. *when I say questionable, I mean out of the gate, "imagine your pain (whatever pain you have) as the letters P-A-I-N and imagine them shrinking to nothing and as they shrink, your pain disappears". Excuse me? What if the person had a actual physical illness which needed real treatment rather than attempts to "meditate the pain away", which could mean that, worst-case scenario, someone dies because they meditated rather than seeking real help.

[@JedicatedBeileber]

Exactly. They constantly yap on about themselves and have no profound interest in anything about you, so much to the point where you feel you forget to speak about yourself completely and realise; "hold on, they don't know my favourite foods, where I want to travel, hell!! even my favourite colour! They don't know ANYTHING about me..somethings off here..". And that's when you know it's time to up and leave him/her sis.

[@lsmmoore1]

@@JedicatedBeileber And as I said, when they do seem to have interest in you, it conveniently overlaps with their own interest - and then they still don't know some obvious things. Like, for instance, that narcissistic teacher - she had no idea that my taste in music did not, in fact, overlap with pop songs but rather with simple, pretty melodies not unlike the kind found in medieval songs, as well as certain Japanese movies (even though at times I could be overheard singing some of those melodies). And so she gave me a CD of pop songs - though lack of interest in pop songs, when "everyone" listens to those, should have been blindingly obvious. And while she did give me a type of catalog I often perused (which I did because I wasn't as rich as my classmates and so often lusted after things as comparatively poor kids and teens are wont to do), it really doesn't take much effort to observe someone reading said catalog. And in spite of the fact that I never read or expressed interest in Martha Stewart or RealSimple, those (and the conveniently-overlapping-with-her-interest dog magazines) were the magazines she gave me - no story magazines, no National Geographic or Scientific American (which should have been obvious conjectures based on my expressed interests), no non-domestic craft magazines, no adventure magazines, none of that, nothing that I might have found interesting but she didn't. Only HER favorite magazines and catalogs she already had lying around. And a book about animals that was chock-full of woo concepts, and another that was about fancy poodle cuts (which is NOT one of my animal interests, animal interests are broad and fancy poodle cuts is not one of mine - in fact I think the whole concept is silly and overblown and two seconds asking me would have told her that).

[@tid8583]

@Digital Diva And it's so damn exhausting!

[@gaillewis5472]

There's an old joke: Enough about me! What do you think about me? That embodies narcissism completely.

[@evka24]

fact

[@bridgetmenham5103]

Alannas song .enought about me lets talk about you for a while .enough about you lets talk about life for a while ha ha xx

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

That was on Ab Fab!! :D So funny isn't it?

[@janetweller5790]

My ex narc bf never asked about me, he shamed me. Please ladies you have to patrol your gate. Keep these creeps and scary monsters out of ur life. Please listen to David Bowie Scary Monsters and Super Freaks.

[@janniedotson9559]

Enough about me! Lmao🤣🤣🤣. Or, I'm tired of talking about myself. Why don't you talk about me for a while?😂😂😂🙃🤣🤣🤣rotflmfao. That's awesome!

[@sitmengchue4077]

The dog is so adorable, patient and polite!

[@airliadazen9495]

Get it? The dog is the total opposite of the topic of narcassism which makes him a keeper for life😊

[@Stardustceiling]

I've watched Dr.Ramani talk about narcissism before and she seems very knowledgeable about that subject. That being said, in this video, she keeps giving advice geared towards avoiding the Overt Narcissist. The thing is I was married to a covert one for years and that person was nice, polite, loved/admired by everyone, good to the wait staff, and didn't dress stylishly or particularly neat. None of the flags she mentioned, because they were a Covert Narcissist. Since I experienced such a different bunch of red flags that were much more subtle, even insidious. I am going to put mine here for realizing they may be a covert narc. 1) What they say and their actions often don't go together, and it leaves you VERY confused a lot of the time. 2) You are dating them constantly, or even living with them, yet you don't actually feel close with them the way you feel you should. There's a lonely distance there that you can't put your finger on because they are SO NICE to everyone, but you. They seem strangely disinterested in making a home with you, when they proposed to you and married you/ or moved in, so quickly. They might leave that to you while they're busy working a lot. They may always neglect your home in favor of something else, which feels strange because they tell you how much they love you and being married to you. 3) Because they're nice to everyone but you sometimes, and there's disagreements with them right in the early days of your relationship when it should still be lovey dovey. And the disagreements/fights are petty and controlling and feel like why should this matter so much. You wonder is it YOU, because they don't do this with anyone else. 4) You talk about things that are problems that they have with you, and think you've come to an understanding. Yet they NEVER do the thing you suggested to get the results in the relationship. Even things they say they want a lot, they won't compromise on with you to achieve. EVER. If they do it's a lie and they're just pretending because they're doing you very wrong when you're not with them. 5) You don't know it because they act like a very moral and caring person, say all the right things, but they're living a double life and having affairs. You wouldn't ever be able to lie like they do ALL THE TIME, and it's because you're not disordered. You have no idea that a Mr./Ms.Hyde is inside your nice, kind Dr.Jekyll. Or you suspect, but are confused. 6) You start to not feel good emotionally and long for space, or time away more and it's still early in the relationship when most people want to be together all of the time. It's due to not feeling right, you know somethings wrong but you can't put your finger on it. You feel more confusion, you start to feel bad, or depressed. 7) Close family members or good friends might notice you're not doing as well, and say something out of love and kindness. And you try to explain, but it's so subtle it's hard to put your finger on and explain why you feel SO bad. The whole " relationship " is a lie on their part. All they are capable of is a shallow attraction to you and wanting you. Once they have you, they don't treat you well though they pretend they are, and they act like YOU'RE the one with the problems, even to counselors and psychologists. All they care about is " winning " over you, and they can act strangely competitive with you. They are SO good at manipulating, they get those professional people fooled too. Life with them is pure hell because sometimes they are Prince/Princess Charming and sometimes they're the Dragon. If you even suspect you're with one and you're only dating. Just nicely and quietly break up with them and get away from them, far away. No matter what sweet things they say don't believe them, they're good at saying stuff that sounds absolutely believable and healthy. But they don't actually mean it, it's just emotional manipulation to get what they want. They don't really want you as a person, just more as a thing they don't want to lose, at that time. They will leave you if they want to, and there is NO empathy when they do. No matter what all you've shared, or years spent together, they can walk out as though they're a stranger. There is no fixing the relationship or them. If you're married to them or living with them, same thing, but you're going to have more trouble, and I am sorry for what you will go through. Don't fight with them, don't confront them about their disorder, just leave as sweetly and nicely as you can for YOUR SAFETY. These people are scary, and they don't have the normal boundaries we do to how they will behave. Move away if you have to. Covert narcissists are generally more damaging than overt ones. The best way if you're dating to sort out these people is to go glacially slow, because they want fast. So if you go slow they'll probably leave you alone, but even that isn't a guarantee. Don't trust blindly, and watch for those red flags.

[@silb8139]

I went through everything you described. They may do nice things for you but they are not nice to you. It's so true that people do not fully understand about your experiences with the narc unless they have experienced it themselves.

[@Stardustceiling]

@@silb8139 I am so sorry you went through that too. I hope you're far away from that person, safe and well. You're absolutely right no one really understands, unless they've seen it up close or experienced it themselves. In the aftermath, it changes how you see the world. It changes you. Thanks for your reply. Best Wishes.

[@rachaelmancera1964]

Yes, I've been here....you are only an object to them. A doll to take on and off the shelf as it suits them. You constantly try to reach out and grab onto a connection with them but it's never there...slightly beyond reach. It's awful. So so painful.

[@Stardustceiling]

@@rachaelmancera1964 Yes it is awful, I sincerely hope you're out of that relationship. I am out of mine, but still dealing with the aftermath of emotions. Thanks for the reply. Best wishes to you in your healing journey.

[@Marixpress2]

The subtlety of covert narc abuse. You really don’t understand unless you’ve been through it. Look at us thriving 🥰

[@ntitus3025]

Dr. Ramani never disappoints.

[@WhatsWorking]

We agree :)

[@rachaelmancera1964]

She's great!

[@thinkforyourselfjohn3163]

She's the best! 👍 I so much admire her and her work.

[@gabrielaburcea5734]

Suggestion gor dr Ramani: please make some videos about covert narcissism as most narcs I have met are covert and it's so subtle and easy to miss, you think you are with the most kind empathic person and 3 years in the relationship you discover you live with a wolf in sheeps clothes...

[@shellyjoseph3109]

SHE ROCKS

[@yadvali21]

After so much trauma ending this type of relationship i end it up staying alone for preference and decided to love myself more in order to not feel need it of a relationship...hopefully one day i ll heal .

[@karenlee118]

Feel the exact same. They strip you to your bones and you willingly offer them for chewing.

[@alethiamillner5603]

You are healing, it's one day at a time. Its like with anything else in this life. If you want it you have to work hard to get it. Healing is work. I was one day like you and I've been 5 years no contact and totally healed.

[@sunnyclouds1372]

Same here it's been good finally getting to understand myself

[@JacquiCryer]

Same here.... Yad VZ ... baby steps ... one day at a time. Have been on my own for 4 years now. Learning to love myself ... really love myself. I’m learning so much on this Chanel x

[@danielaloretoll]

Not easy to learn to feel completely enough for ourselves. Why this happens? What's truly in the way to be completely enough for ourselves?

[@TheCommentBandit]

“I want that guy back” “That guy was never there...”

[@asha_vere]

I felt that...

[@helenlauer9545]

Which is SAFE, yah? If you are scared of intimacy then it's SAFE to be miserable in a relationship where you know damn well the other person is not showing up and ain't gonna show up ever. You can control that empty space real well. It's safe as hell in a miserable way but it is safe to be all alone in a destructive relationship. That's like getting infatuated and hooked on someone into substance abuse as their first priority.

[@sidney2900]

yes... i just said this the other day ☹️

[@helenlauer9545]

@@sidney2900 I found AlAnon extremely helpful, made me see how I was addicted to my 'partner's' being addicted. It wasn't a partner at all, it was someone I had picked to attach to on the pretext that we'd had sex and that was the end for him. I'm serious -- I latch on to narcisists and substance abusers as if my life depended on it. There should be courses and make-over videos for empaths who make a religion out of shaming blaming hating and dissing narcissists. What is it with us?

[@helenlauer9545]

@Lord Rubz wait wait wait, Mr. Rubz -- with all due respect, your reply is so profoundly disconnected I just have to respond; you think this is a meaningful rejoinder to what I just wrote about avoiding intimacy?? wow. Not only is there no guy "worth more than me" and not only do I not have ex-'partners', I'm not looking for any and never was, not really. Hooking up with 'inappropriate' men has always been a way of dealing with red-blooded hormones while dodging the danger of actually getting stuck with anyone "as aware as" you are, or anyone else.

[@Shellofx]

My husband is a narc, my feelings don’t matter, I’m always wrong, everything is always my fault and the cherry on top is “I made him do it”

[@Riversleigh1]

read "Look what you made me do"

[@mercyketer950]

You just described a situation I'm familiar with.

[@heathernewman5272]

Classic.

[@laurencebureau7677]

good luck girl... good vibes

[@permanentlyimpermanent2657]

@Cytaris this is a horrendously damaging statement to make toward any human stuck in an abusive dynamic. be very careful with your choice of words and lack of empathy toward others in these states. as a PhD here who has worked with abuse survivors often, they are typically in very vulnerable situations, and many fear for their lives. rightly so. think before you write.

[@crowznest438]

When a parent is a narcissist, the child can be so broken that getting involved with a narcissist as an adult feels normal, even when the relationship is so very painful. This is a sad, wasted life until the cycle is broken.

[@karistone1297]

Yes, that's exactly what I did. Twice...I'm a slow learner....

[@crowznest438]

@@karistone1297 I hope you are free now, because today really is the first day of the rest of your life.

[@karistone1297]

@@crowznest438 I am, thank you. Free and single.😊😊😊

[@rosannecole4992]

Yes good example !

[@rosannecole4992]

Yes excellent statement "

[@Peachblosssoms]

The flip side to being rude to the waiter is being extra, extra nice to them and trying to engage in a sort of banter with them. It’s a bit like “look at me, aren’t I a great person, I even talk to waiters!”

[@hindsightpov4218]

Chloe Cook Narcissists keep setting up situations that they think they’ll be constantly praised for. If any act of kindness looks like it’s being highlighted or practically announced by the person doing the act of kindness, there’s a good chance that person is a narcissist. If a good deed won’t garner any praise for the narcissist, then the narcissist won’t do the good deed. A good deed being it’s own reward doesn’t make sense to them.

[@stonehavenlife13]

Yess I've definitely seen this! And if you don't give them the praise or positive response, they ostracize you. They also like to do things like this just to test your response because they know you're going to not like it and attack you when you say something negative or that you don't like it. They make you out to be drama when they're the ones who are being inappropriate.

[@cecynay7369]

Exactly.

[@erinnelson4643]

Yeeessssss.

[@kelliehu8749]

Absolutely

[@dreamluvr1600]

i think if someone brings up their ex on the first date, they’re not ready to date again yet. they need to heal and move on first - they’re clearly still hurt

[@ttt38496]

Or because they got healed so they can talk about it again.

[@IvySnowFillyVideos]

You move on from relationships...you can't erase them

[@pambrunelle8772]

On a first date with a man and literally he was arguing with his ex by texting and narrating it to me !!! BYEEEEE !!! He could not understand why I got up from table and left ???? I had to block his number

[@lelia1240]

Hahaha

[@prometheuspredator7971]

You busted his bubble.

[@alethiamillner5603]

What a cornball! Straight into showing you the petty triangulation tricks of his trade. Not cute at all!

[@sleepwillo3390]

Never date a person that talks poorly about their ex, cause they’ll do the same about you. Definitely a red flag. Kudos to you girl.

[@Heidi_137]

Wow!

[@sourapril]

Omg just realized I went on a date with a narcissist who was rude to the waiter and talked shit about his ex. I knew something was off so I stopped seeing him. Luckily I only went on one date with him.

[@legallead9459]

Lucky you, just one date! 😀

[@pennygee667]

Good he showed his ass early. Most narcs will be nice to the waiter, not because it's the right thing to do, but because they don't want anyone doing anything to their food LOL.

[@cdb48340]

One date is a too soon to identify a narcissist but sounds like you dodged a bullet

[@janny474]

What I don't like is that she says "normal people", as opposed to herself. Like she thinks she's some kind of God or something. Typical thing the npd I know would say.

[@janny474]

@@mindyabizz6804 maybe I'm over sensitized 🤔

[@amyb5356]

I just divorced a severe NARC, it was like living with a 3 yr old . Very controlling, extremely insecure!!! when things didn't go his way or he wasn't getting me to behave the way he wanted, he went into a temper tantrum like a 3 yr old! I divorced him within a year of his change. Relationship and marriage was 3 yrs from start to finish.

[@raquelt5342]

Amy Liz good for you! 👏👏👏love when people share their success stories with the rest of us!

[@marigolds49]

Depressing, disappointing and exhausting..

[@angieleo2021]

Your story sounds like mine, pending a divorce now.

[@amyb5356]

Angie I hope you don’t have children. I also hope you have a good attorney. Watch videos on going to court with a NARC!!!! I wish I had filmed my ex in court!

[@bink865]

You are courageous

[@kenzie9501]

Imagine going for that guy in the corner (thinking he's nice) and he turns out to be a covert narcissist. (My ex)

[@zimflame2368]

He is a narcissistic, according to the 48 laws of power, people that pretend to be weak are actually strong, they just want to be left alone

[@laugbn5054]

Just give us a break :(

[@dannym6552]

Haha imagine he meets a psychopath haha

[@nells1971]

Unfortunately they are everywhere. In different shapes and forms.

[@jen1778]

It's the wounded bird ploy..... I've fallen for that one too.

[@michellewindsordivinesouls4861]

The educational system must implement teaching and foundation of healthy relationships.

[@essentialeverydayseastar7736]

Trees Lakes YOU BETTER SAY THAT! HELLLLLLLLO! YAHOO! 🌪 You said that thang! Kudos to you! 😃

[@chariethe]

Yes. I remember in college in one of my smaller classes, my professor suddenly got into a conversation about healthy relationships. (this is a computer sciences department, not related to psychology) I learned more in that semester than I ever have in life. My professor also did mention that this needs to be taught or somehow implemented into the minds of the younger generation.

[@mrp8173]

I've been stating this all along teach these kids. Knock the nasty nervous Nelly narcs to their knees.

[@cecynay7369]

We need present, moral parents.

[@kiradelarochefoucauld7499]

@@chariethe now they are teaching 6 year olds how to "self stimulate".

[@nataliigrishchenko1217]

Be careful! As that calm man sitting in the coner of the bar can be exactly the COVERT narcissist. I met mine in this way:).

[@hh7788ify]

Omg me too. They never one look like trying to hard. Its the spider who sits calmly in the web and waits for a victim. This way they can say.. i don’t know what u want from me. U approached me..

[@rachaelmancera1964]

The "shy" guy sitting in the corner and NOT pursuing you...no thanks. Women should never pursue the man. Plus narcs are Beta males, so is the guy who will not make an effort to go talk to a woman. While narcs will pursue a woman, they usually don't respect boundaries, they have this sense of entitlement, lack of empathy and these are things you can sense if you are not busy getting swept up in their love bombing stage. Alpha males respect boundaries, truly care about other people, and will take things more slowly in a relationship. They are quietly confident and if they are interested in you, they will approach you. Just gotta take your time when starting a relationship. Narcissist usually don't like that.

[@lilmoth227]

I was thinking the same thing... some of my narc ex's were the quiet guys in the back or the "nice guy" in his small group of friends at the bar. There really is no telling on first impressions because a very charming person can be a genuine person too.

[@Marixpress2]

Rachael M PREACH

[@Marixpress2]

The covert will have a sob story they always default to, like a victim narrative that makes up their identity. Most people are able to admit where they played a part in their current situation or have the sense to understand you have to do the best with the hand life dealt you. Not the covert narcissist. If they are not as successful or not as fit or rich, etc (anything you can imagine) is because someone else wronged them. When there is no one else to blame, they will literally say God cursed them. The covert usually has outgrown circles of friends they no longer talk to. They have a dark past of burning it all down to the ground to start over. They lack proper boundaries so your best defense is to work on yourself to stop romanticizing someone’s backstory, stop being charmed by self-deprecation, don’t be in love with love itself. Maintain some privacy. Don’t confuse pity with compassion and for God’s sake never fall in love with someone’s depression. You CANNOT fix/heal/change them. You will never “show them the light.” Look out for: GUILT TRIPS, RUSHING YOU TO BOND, DEMANDING OF YOUR TIME/ENERGY, ACCUSATIONS OR ASSESSMENTS OF YOUR CHARACTER THAT SEEM OFF THE WALL, THE SUDDEN 180 BEHAVIOR CHANGE (they do this early to test your limits), SELECTIVE AMNESIA... If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.

[@anjumkabir]

I was emotionally abused by my narcissistic father for years because he thought I was better looking and more intelligent. As said by Doctor, these people are deeply insecure.

[@user-zy8gk2nn7d]

bc in actuality you were better than him - accept that:)

[@rosannecole4992]

They will try to take you down with comments on you appearance your job your hobbies and destroy you because they are unsecure..!

[@arreola891]

Just like narcissistic mothers are jealous of their daughters and see them as competition, narcissistic fathers see their sons the same way.

[@lexiemaep7930]

Every narcissist I have dates said " my ex's bored me or were boring" RED FLAG

[@niccolea2086]

Lexie Mae My Narc never talked bad about his exes and he love bombed me over one year straight and never really stopped for many years. Never rude to anyone I think it’s important to know these signs aren’t definite.

[@specialtwice4975]

Lexie Mae I.e "You better not be boring like all my other exes, if you are bye bye" Or "I will eventually find you boring in time no matter what."

[@DOLPHIN_DIVINITY]

the narcissist i dated could never feel happy with any single thing i did, I could never win with him. The narcissist is a low vibration human unfortunately.

[@marigolds49]

You will never be enough--and in their eyes, you can't do most anything right. You'll second-guess yourself as well as the alleged relationship. Total toxicity..

[@cindyminke]

I believe they are high negative vibration sucking you down to low vibration

[@TrillShvt]

I didn’t even date this narcissist but I felt everything from the love bombing, questioning myself to seeing what I could’ve been wrong about ,to her actually getting diagnosed for having NPD after she discarded me. Then she came back and told me about her NPD after no contact for months and I did some research and unfortunately I was completely surprised that all the fucked up stuff she did had a reason. I’m letting her go for the better.

[@NutsNBerries]

True....low vibrational beings

[@KimontheWeb]

OH MY GOODNESS! This video is so SPOT ON!!! As an Empath, I've had a fair share of dating narcs, this last one I just ended, he was putting on a show of being this great, loving, thoughtful, generous, attentive man for 2 MONTHS... and then on Nov. 1st he totally FLIPPED THE SCRIPT! Now mind you, I'm a minister, and this guy is a pastor, and I saw where we would be great together (in the beginning) and then the control happened, the dismissiveness happened, he went from being an open and honest communicator to totally stonewalling and gaslighting me, telling me if I need to know what's going on with him I need to GO TO GOD! I was so messed up, because I GENUINELY LOVED HIM...but I loved too soon...before his mask came off...definitely lessons learned and I'm so glad GOD showed me sooner than later and that I got out of it.

[@samanthaharrington9922]

Yes on the sweet chicken fingers person! My girlfriend soon to be wife ordered chicken fingers, french fries and a lemonade on our first date. She is the sweetest, kindest person ever, who treats me the best ever!

[@rachelbennett3853]

Through my experience, I've found the covert narcissist to be the most dangerous. He seems so wonderful, until the end.

[@prometheuspredator7971]

Yes, they are. A narc. can murder someone and would have no shame or guilt about it.

[@gogoldiego]

@@prometheuspredator7971 that's a psycho.💛✌🇺🇸

[@evab.6240]

@@prometheuspredator7971 No. That's a sociopath, not a narc.

[@dannym6552]

They are stupid enough to think they won’t be meeting their maker 🧐too how does that even work

[@dannym6552]

@Prometheus predator Yup I had a secretary verbally abuse me to make me look bad, and she growled at me and give me this I am going to murder you look. Except she looked like she really would have murdered me if there was anything close by, I guess I ll be seeing her on the news one day, headed to prison

[@Astgsfgt]

I always went for the "shy or insecure guy in the corner", thinking he might be kind. Plot twist, he always ends up showing his true colours later on, as soon as he realises I deeply care. It is so painful, especially because he claimed kindness and being a good person was indeed his quality. It is so painful, I don't think I can trust anyone anymore...

[@Jessecraft1954]

narcissists remind me of spiders that spin their webs of deceit, attracting their victims and draining them dry.

[@lloydlavish8578]

Good

[@JedicatedBeileber]

Very true.

[@cherylobrien1249]

good description

[@carlauchoaknoll]

This is a very interesting Observation of your's. I was dating a manipulative person, and on the very beginning of knowing each other, before i even met him, we just texted and the first week after know him i dreamed of a big Blackspider'sweb at my livingroom😱

[@Hawaiiansky11]

That's exactly how I feel! Like he just took everything he could from me, and now I'm done. Luckily, I was smart enough to never give in to his financial needs...but he's pulled enough other crap, and even just the act of asking--the third and last time being for $2500 and giving me 10 minutes to decide--is enough to tell someone to f off

[@denisebell7364]

Mine never chased me. He was the rumpled one in the corner -- at church. Completely a covert Narcissist and I wasted decades of my life trying to be "enough."

[@deestol5789]

Mine wasn't even good looking. or good in bed. lol. but yeah..he always made me feel like I wasn't "enough"

[@Cheryl_Frazier]

Covert narcissists are the worst!! I was married to one for 14 years.

[@sunshinedayz7032]

Very good point for a red flag-that they make people feel not good enough or that we have to prove or earn their love and acceptance.

[@NavyLady82]

At 38 I've realized that the reason I attract narcs is because i was preconditioned as a child by one.

[@whoKnew1621]

Same here. Had to do some self reflection to actually realise that.

[@priscilalondon]

I understand. 30 years in a dysfunctional family and some abusive relationships later, I got better after lots of therapy.

[@NavyLady82]

@@priscilalondon I'm glad for you. Better late than never.

[@shaysdy3357]

I hear you . I didn't know my mom was . I thought there was something wrong with her . Just found out this from my cousin three years ago .

[@dannym6552]

Yea but than you would have fucked them up right back! Where is the roar baby girl!

[@nancyh.570]

I was married to a narcissist for 30 years... we have one daughter. It was a nightmare a roller coaster and it only ended when it was forced upon me otherwise I would probably still be in the marriage. I had no self esteem, no self value and it breaks my heart to say my daughter is the same way. I divorced my narcissist 8 years ago and I have to admit even after 4 years of counseling... that I still struggle. I still doubt myself even though I am much stronger than I used to be. I often wonder if I am permanently damaged. I worry for my daughter though at times I feel she has more common sense than I ever did. Her main fear is losing me. Even as a little girl the thought of losing me was a major source of anxiety for her. She is 27, a beautiful spirit and yet she struggles still as I do. I wish I would have had access to these videos years ago.....but I’m thankful for them now.

[@lisadoerr2649]

That’s a reason I could never get involved with a partner before my children were grown and on their own. Now I think I’m effected by this for life now.

[@lisadoerr2649]

So. It’s okay not to be okay hang in there to all. Lisa

[@webuysellhousesaptscashoff9453]

Our Most High God can heal you ! There is nothing to hard for our God. Please ask him and fall at the foot of the cross.

[@sylviagonzales5524]

Your story sounds like my past. I realized that I was very co-dependent and the narcissist power is infused with that. Then after seeing my problem I also changed my reaction. I was co-dependent and abused but after my revelation he no longer had power in me. He schemed and turned my daughter against me becoming very rebellious towards me so I had to release her and my co-dependency on her too. Then when they both had no one to rescue them they had to rescue themselves. I have a more mature relationship with my daughter now. I don't have a relationship or want one with ex-husband who went from atheist while I was with him to a christian. I breathe a sigh of relief every day without him knowing I am better off and so are you so ENJOY your life NOW! We both wasted enough time on them.

[@jamesmcginn8874]

Yes i still struggle every day-was with a narc for 23 years--her control was Money and isolation --still hurts to this day--i try to move on --its hard sometimes just to go out.

[@MsIrene-ur3is]

I feel sick to my stomach..I met my husband at a bar about 10 years ago and he did everything Dr. Ramani said. I broke up with him after two years. Then we got together again four years later. Got married. Once I became exhausted of being empathic, he wanted out. I cant believe I didnt realize he was a narcissis till now.

[@mariposamoreno]

Ms. Irene hope you kick his ass to the curb! you deserve better

[@vickibazter3446]

You deserve love

[@richardferguson7826]

Your not the only one I lived with one for 12 years and figured it out

[@JtdaKing]

When she said ima die alone cause everything is a deal breaker 🤣 I felt that!!

[@cowatarian.]

My mother was a narcissist and alcoholic. It's hard for me to date or live with people. Most of the people I date seem like narcissists and I can never tell if it's just my PTSD perspective. ...And I love them too much. I usually try to spend most of my time alone because it's so much more peaceful.

[@elyas1630]

Cowatarian I’m a nice guy 😉

[@maunder01]

Research ATTACHMENT THEORY

[@marziehmortezazadeh7827]

The most important sign of them is that the relationship with a marssistic moves really fast

[@LoveBeliefTruth]

Not all of those are narcs btw... But propably many cases there's something hidden, some lies when that happens.

[@kevinjanghj]

Narcs move very fast, and that includes emotions and sex. You don't want to go there.

[@TheElvenWitch]

Yup. Cause they can only pretend to be good people for so long... They gotta make you fall fast.

[@bioniclohan7291]

My friend just met this guy. They were on and off for most of last year. Then his roommate moved out of state and now they live together. She has this air of desperation, especially now that we are in our 30s, and I'm really worried about her. She has a trauma background and I encouraged her to go to therapy. She didn't.

[@teal1010]

Exactly! They're in a rush to get their hooks in you before you can "see" them!

[@junneltemplanza]

Dr. Ramani is a heavenly-made gift. Truly a real gem, a total enlightenment in medical world, a natural soothing remedy, which many of us are completely missing out in this chaotic world.

[@lostintranslation3367]

How I got involved with a narcissist: 1. I didn't heal myself after my previous relationship. I was broken and vulnerable, my self-esteem was low. 2. The narcissist started immediately love bombing (you are beautiful, special, etc.). 3. The narcissist started to hurry up getting married. He started to share very personal information in the beginning. 4. He was hiding his double life - it is easier when living in a long-distance relationship. He was actually grooming lot of women at the same time. 5. He started to pressure me about things. I cried a lot, but thought that there was something wrong with me. 6. We got married and very fast he changed as a person. I got angry. He was using this anger of mine for many years as a reason to fight with me and to bully me. He said I was over-sensitive, I don't know anything about the world, I am not trusting him, I don't know him, I don't appreciate him, I live in a fantasy world, etc. I am happy now, divorced and living far away from him.

[@kikyaaakun]

Lost Translation thank you and bless you. Now I feel I’m lucky I got out early...still hunting but no more doubt that I am the one crazy...

[@taliavoider]

That poor dog dealing with the spirit of this conversation. 🤣🤣🤣

[@melanalelii296]

I wanted to here more comentary from the doggie

[@PerrySkyePhoenix]

I wasted the prime of my life being in relationships with narcissists. I have a child with a sociopath. After everything that I've been through, I still want love. I still want to be in a relationship. I'm 56 years old. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than be with another toxic person. I seem to only be attracted to these types. I need help.

[@soniahathaway1]

I feel you, my life has been the same; result of being raised by a narc mother. Practise self care, you are a survivor. 🤗🤗

[@beaniegirl55]

I wasn't in a full-blown relationship with a narcissist. But I did get into a toxic almost relationship with one. I think though he was more sociopathic or probably both. He did all of these things. I think he wanted me to be in love with him, which I never was. Because I had seen a lot of the warning signs and I had a relationship before that was the opposite and knew it wasn't love. I feel bad for people who get into these things and they don't know the warning signs to look out for. Hell, I did and I still ended up fucked because of it. It's a scary world out there. Keep yourself safe and look after yourself.

[@enadine6405]

I went through the same thing. It is horrible. It fucked me up too. I can't trust anymore.

[@bridgetmenham5103]

A good start of a red flag is when they are already making rules and you haven't even had any chance to put input in it ...

[@Marixpress2]

Ladies, caution when dealing with the former geek who never had friends, was bullied, spent all his days in the basement playing video games and watching porn who eventually blossomed into a handsome and intelligent charming man. There are SO many covert narcs out there with a vendetta against the popular kids and pretty girls that constantly rejected them. The slang these days for them is Incel (meaning involuntarily celibate). They may have read up on pick-up artist techniques and are knowledgeable on a wide variety of subjects from all those years with no company other than books, but they do not have emotional maturity. They lack the experience of human interaction to even view you as a complex person. You, as a woman, as a previously unattainable beautiful woman, sicken them because a) you intimidate them, b) you’re only an object, and c) you represent the superficial things they don’t relate to (like empathy and emotions beyond hungry, horny, anger, and shame). How to spot them? They think in black and white terms. They lack the ability to self-soothe. They talk about their childhood gripes like it happened yesterday. They talk about all the annoying girls who passed them up for stupid jocks. They talk about how no one appreciates their greatness, blah blah blah. You might be tempted to “show them what real love is,” but you really should run the hell in the opposite direction. The biggest tells are when things don’t go their way, when they’re hungry or inconvenienced - they suddenly act like toddlers, sometimes even having a tantrum. It makes no sense and contradicts everything else about their mature, wise etc personality. The biggest tell of all, is their sex will be off. It will not be an experience shared between two plugged in people. It will be about something else: their pleasure only, or a competition between them and every other partner you’ve had to be THE BEST you’ve ever had, or something completely bizarre like they are only in the mood when you are asleep and attempt to have sex with you while you are sleeping. Beware of the “great catch” who is perpetually a victim of his circumstances.

[@carolanderson8203]

This hits on all the points I noticed with the last, short situationship with a covert narc. Very well surmised.

[@Marixpress2]

I realize what I said comes off harsh, I didn’t want to make light of a terrible situation unfolding in my country. I am not speaking of all socially awkward men, not all gamers, or all victims of bullying. I refer to a specific subset of the American male population that fits the profile, and there’s many of them out there. Make no mistake, they hate women and would destroy us if not for needing us for sex. Emotional intimacy distracts from and/or ruins their sexual pleasure. Maybe when sex robots become cheaper, this problem will sort itself out. It’s a very specific type of covert narcissist. How can someone who was rejected and isolated in the very years we learn to socialize and develop identity be mentally healthy without serious internal work? That is not something you simply grow out of. It forms who you are - your psyche and your worldview. If you’re a therapist, please DO have compassion for these people and try to help. But don’t be foolish to try to fix them with simply your love and devotion in a romantic relationship or a platonic friendship. Say a prayer for them at night if you must but don’t get entangled with one. Like a drowning man at sea, he will drag you down.

[@thetruehustler1365]

I mean, this is me but to be honest, I’m an empath, not a narcissist. I try everyday to be better and kind to people but it takes time to overcome your past patterns.

[@victorialadybug1]

@@Marixpress2 I appreciate your comments here because you're right about this subset of men. It looks like some folks get triggered when they see the word "incel" or something.

[@ninajaakkola5819]

@@victorialadybug1 I agree. It's so difficult to have a good conversation about narcs because we all have at least a tiny narc inside of us and it gets triggered very easily. What I try to say to people is that it does not really matter WHAT your problems are, as long as you are aware of your problems and as long as you do something about your problems, instead of blaming your circumstances only.

[@Spiritual_Warrior_Princess]

"That guy was never here..'... so true.. I'm so glad I'm out of it after 2 years, but it hurts so much too. It was sooo good in the beginning!!

[@morphling337]

I'm gonna start ordering chicken fingers just to gauge my date's reaction.

[@danielaloretoll]

Exactly

[@mightymouse1005]

Nothing wrong with chicken fingers, I would probably eat some with you

[@mightymouse1005]

@Frank Black ok fine...we go out ill get my own plate

[@MeIBell7]

That’s very chicken fingery 😁

[@nicole4779]

Me too! I love chicken fingers w/ketchup lol

[@kikyaaakun]

Got out from a narcissistic relationship 2months ago. It was like I had an unbelievably amazing dream, but it turned into a nightmare all of the sudden. I hit the rock bottom, then I found this video and 🤯 I woke up and see the world the way I never had. Looking back the whole relationship was so surreal...

[@kamiladobska2498]

Mee too. I’ve been seeing this guy for two months, The first month was a fairytale. The second one, he just was rejecting me all The time and when I asked him If I should let him go, he told me he loves me. I was so confused, confused by the change of dynamics in our relationship, very confused that he said he loved me as he was ignoring me for almost a whole month. Sooo much chaos. I tried to be soft and nice but he was very rude. The softer I got, The more anger and disrespect I felt. His words were hurtful, he didnt care about my feelings. It was after I told him that I fell for The guy who didn’t exist and that I thought too high of him, he showed some pain. Only cared about himself

[@lesleicruz119]

I just finished a relationship with a narcissist, everything you said, he is. Exactly everything you said I'm in awe and I didn't know, I was like impressed by all the great things, blinded, he said I love you on the third date and asked me to be his girlfriend lol. And know that I know those are red flags, I'm like WOW, never again dating this type of person. Thank you for sharing!

[@amybe3]

Omg I’ve been there !!! I thought I was love. He changed everything about me without me knowing. He make me sick physically and emotionally.

[@VM-vt7mf]

Same here! Totally relate!

[@lilmoth227]

*"Not filtering is a key sign of narcissism."* YES!!! So true!

[@mychannelafc]

what IS filtering? example?

[@Anick8]

@@mychannelafc when someone doesnt tell you something that might hurt you in a direct way, they sugar coated it to avoid making you feel bad

[@KochamWiatr]

My expercience?? 3,5 years in a committed relationship with a covert narcissist. Left me with serious spine/muscle problems, ended up on the operation table. Just before that I left the relationship because I realised what had been going on. In the end, I would rather be alone, in pain, not able to do more that to lie down and not move, in a little town where the healthcare was very bad, waiting forever for MRI, THAN to continue relationship with this person that turned out to be a ... well. A horrible non-emphatic monster. And still it took me some time to stop feeling sorry for this person. I am still healing.

[@mothballs]

Am so sorry. In similar situation

[@Anoppinion]

Have been sorrounded by narcissist my whole life. Now I'm waking up.. Now I know why I have been walking on eggshells, holding back positive traits and been a audience to my friends on stage. Thank you for this life saving information ♥️

[@WhatsWorking]

Thanks for tuning in :)

[@bridgetmenham5103]

Yea they exhausted your self worth that you might not even recognize yourself anymore and they want you to entertain them but one day your fine with being used for thier suply x

[@bridgetmenham5103]

Not fine but done with it xx

[@juliawincentsoprano5744]

Yes! He would go from calling me constantly, love bombing me and talking about our future together, to pointing out my flaws, comparing me to his ex and being angry if I didn’t send nudes. When I confronted him about his manipulative behaviour, he would either say he was joking, he never said that or that I was being to sensitive. When I said I had had enough, he would call me over 15 times and when I finally picked up, he would apologize. He would apologize in a very charming way, but still making it clear that he had no idea what my issue was. Luckily the contact ended with him proclaiming he had no interest in me and then blocked me. I have to add that this is the most attractive man I have ever seen. I have learned to jump of the ride sooner than later when seeing these signs, I just wish I didn’t have to get on them in the first place.

[@jimpavlyuchenko9420]

Good for you! I just went through something quite similar. In my case, his reaction was almost always disproportional and he would dismiss his threats and verbal abuses with "Oh I was just bluffing" "you caused me to lash out" etc. I eventually forced a break when the threats levelled up to revenge porn. He, too, is the most attrative man I was ever with, and he's got all the shiny bits that had me dazzled and ignore the redflags: an executive job at a top500, being multilingual, playing instruments, etc. I wish I had seen this video and learnt about NPD earlier. Now I have taken my power back and hopefully will not fall for the same type again.

[@alindley3128]

Did you guys help write the classic Taylor Swift song? Just tell him what Miss Taylor says in her song about "kicking" the narcissist out of her life, as if she was kicking a bad habit: "We....are Never! Ever! Ever! getting back together!"

[@evab.6240]

Uhhh... Sounds like something that I went through recently. Shit

[@bridgetjones103]

Yes that’s it

[@leticiateixeira3761]

"I'm not gonna fall for this really attractive Harvard-educated, helicopter-flying business-owning smoothie! I'm better than that!" Dang, I really hope I have that self-confidence one day! Also, dr. Ramani made me laugh for realll

[@jamesmcginn8874]

i agree with all you say--i lived with a narc for a lot of years--i got to the stage when i couldn't take anymore--used and abused comes to mind .

[@RainZaben]

I would love to hear more about covert Narcs. They are the shy ones in the background coming off as victims yet a sense of entitlement is always around them. I was married to an overt Narc and when I divorced and looked for the opposite type, quiet, shy, introverted, turns out he was a covert narc which took a lot more years to figure out.

[@honeyflower67]

Healing Closet yes absolutely!

[@cheekslord1222]

Healing Closet The female covert narcissist. It took me 10 years to unmask the narcissist. The literature on narcissism has help cope with my emotions. Especially negative. The narcissist will have you think of evil deeds to strike back at them. Disconnecting your emotions is the ultimate power over them.

[@Marixpress2]

💖 A narc experience can heal you in the depths of your being if you’re self-aware about what traits in you sought them out and stayed through it all. It can be the most devastating and divine experience you can have. You will never be the same, and it’s in your power to make that a good thing!

[@WarriorinSpirit1]

so they are the least easier to discover

[@Marixpress2]

Carm TheArtist Oh yes... they are the masked narcissist. Like an anti-hero with an alias. One of the early tells is they thrive on pity. You might even find yourself protecting them and nurturing them. You can be duped into thinking they’re a good person who is just suffering from depression due to a hard lot in life. They are forever under a dark cloud and will drag you down with them. If you’re happy, they’re jealous and will guilt trip you. They will expertly convince you everything is your fault. Eventually they make you question reality. It’s worth looking into and learning the signs so you don’t fall into that trap.

[@pdeneke]

I knew somebody that would talk forever and not allow me to say anything the rage was a problem as well. Their reality is totally different.

[@KR-wk8hv]

I dated a narcissist for a year, and near the end of the relationship I confidently told him that he was a narcissist, and he took it as a compliment!

[@dontpanic80]

Ah. My husband of 32 years said he loved me as soon as he met me. (Slightly freaked me !)Sent me flowers every year on the anniversary of first seeing me before even speaking to me. An incredibly deep and enduring partnership and marriage cemented by humour more than anything. No one in the World I would rather be with than him. The’i love you’ can be completely genuine.. he passed away earlier this year. Best buddy of my life. An ‘I love you’ that early on, can be disconcerting but it may just be true!

[@AshleyMintz]

Susanna Paterson After having ended things last year with someone, I got back on the dating scene and it seems like these mofos are all over the place! I had a guy ask for my number which I gave him and he proceeded to call me a couple of hours later and we talked for about 15 minutes. During the conversation he told me that he thought we were soulmates and that he was in love with me. I was freaked out and should’ve just cut things off right then, but didn’t right away. He then proceeded to continue texting me when we got off the phone, asking if we could talk again later that night which I said I couldn’t. He then called me and texted me pictures of himself the next morning and continued to text me throughout the day, while I texted minimally. Finally after about the third day of that, I had to tell him that was no longer interested because it was too much. I think that you are the exception and it’s really rare that it’s genuine. Really really rare, to the point that you shouldn’t even encourage that women see it as possibly genuine.

[@dontpanic80]

Ashley Mintz I’m really not encouraging women to see that as genuine but just that, in this case, it actually was. I was extremely cautious, even then. Not a love bomb at all but a deep and enduring friendship which is the bedrock of a marriage. ( BTW anyone who calls you their ‘soulmate ‘ , run a mile!)

[@AshleyMintz]

@@dontpanic80 I see. And yes, I definitely ran. I even saw him a couple of months after, randomly and he told me that he mentioned to his friends that he called me his soulmate right away and even his friends told him that he shouldn't have done that. I laughed and smiled and ran away again.

[@marigolds49]

Susanna--sorry for your loss. Wishing you better days ahead..

[@curiousmind6472]

Beautiful story... I agree this type of love exists, it’s rare but it does exist ✨💘

[@rubikscube6722]

“Their stories are often so good you start to forget that they’re not asking you anything about yours.” SPOT ON! My narc was a Harvard educated lawyer who flew in helicopters, “lived in the biggest house in my town.” Too funny. Dr. Ramani described my experience too a tee.

[@cherryrose5514]

So did you marry him or did you escape before?

[@heathernewman5272]

Mine was highly intelligent too.

[@kelli6951]

I've not only dated numerous narcissists, I was raised by one (who also has Borderline Personality Disorder). My entire life has been comprised of toxic, abusive, and narcissistic relationships. As a result I've suffered from depression, anxiety, emotional eating, no self esteem, debilitating self-doubt, and I probably have PTSD. Watching these videos and reading the comments, I feel relieved that I'm not alone in this experience and that there's hope for recovery in my future. Thank you very much for the great videos.

[@deeprollingriver5820]

My father used “teasing” as a way to put down people and put them “in their place”

[@patchlange]

Yes!

[@friedagurdon6401]

omggg...HATE THAT with a passion!!! :o(

[@michaelpatrick7888]

doesnt mean he had a personality dx

[@luckyrecompense8758]

Bella Bijou do you mean with his teasing he could test if a person can laugh at himself or herself ...which in that case "could" be a good way to spot narcissism ...or you mean that your father was himself a narc enjoying to embarrassed people especially in public ?

[@anonymoususer5731]

You mean backhanded insults cloaked in jokes? Got some 2 narc coworkers and it's one of their signatures. Scums! Climbing up by stepping down on people.

[@TheElokim]

One thing I want to add here...watch out for long distance relationships...it takes longer and less effort to love-bomb you resulting in more time and less effort for them to get you fixed into them. WATCH OUT!!!

[@specialtwice4975]

RTW/Rec .Status This is true. Watch out for long distance relationships. If they wanna take less than 6 months to get together with you, marriage, tattoos, moving in together, buying a house, getting into a business, sending money cause their "little brother" needs a "life saving operation". Don't do it. Just don't. You will just lose yourself. In fact, if you haven't been pen pals for at least a 1 YEAR (WITH video chat) OR have met them irl face to face for a week and went out on 2 dates with them in real life then it is either a catfish (a fake person), a scam, or it is truly that person but they wanna take advantage of you for something. Read above section starting at "marriage". If a person is real and truly wants to be with you they will a.) video chat b.) take the relationship as slow or as fast as you want. c.) never ask you for money d.) never try to hide they are actually married/in a long term relationship e.) text you on time or at least within 24 hrs. They won't make you wait long for a reply f.) meet you in person within a year, maybe 2 if they need to save. I had a family friend who is an older gentleman that has met someone online who lives in the Philippines. She is real and he has seen and talked to her over video chat. He sends her and her kids gifts for Christmas and their birthdays each year. HOWEVER, she has promised to marry him one day and he believes this. It has been 4 years now and he hasn't gone to visit her and she hasn't come to visit him and no wedding invitations have been sent out... She is playing him like a fiddle. Also, who is to say she doesn't have 3 other guys doing the same thing for her all at the same time?

[@Kleinochsenfurter]

Exactly what I went thru for 20 yrs. Waiting for my husband to come back until I realised he never existed. The person he turned into is the terrible person he always was.

[@jacquelinem1960]

Kleinoschsenfurter ... Yes you have described so well who they are and why we wait. We will always get glimpses of who they represented themselves to be... but we eventually find out that that person was just an act. I am speaking from decades of experience. Others need to understand the nasty person you see is really who they are. Furthermore they never EVER loved us.

[@iluvknitting1965]

Sounds very similar to my story.

[@LeLeB37]

Wait for my biography...My Life as Narcissist Supply Source

[@grandhustla101boi]

Lisa Brown I’ll be checkin for it when it drop

[@Lis422]

Hope, you stopped this.

[@ladykdog1756]

I hope its getting better for you sister

[@Mrs.T305]

Sad thing is that this describes most ppl nowadays.

[@sonicfoxxmusic4281]

Speak for yourself...i'm bored with it all...dating, marriage, etc, etc, etc........blah, blah, blah.

[@livestotravel7589]

No she is right..

[@victorialadybug1]

@Chris Costello So do I.

[@hermanotyler]

@Meister Medusa I disagree slightly. I am married to one and I've never met anyone like her. I believe in Marriage, that God has put the marriage bed undefiled but this has been extremely tough on my emotions and health..

[@hermanotyler]

Sorry, I meant this for the original post

[@sandram6913]

Through time, I remember him saying "I did things once". He knows that doing nice things ONE TIME are memorable. It leads to "hope". He's done it once so it's possible he'll do it again, hoping. AND, because he's done something nice once, he'll tell stories about doing it ALL the time. I've learned that those stories are that "once" story.

[@C.Hawkshaw]

san mil - I think that’s why the Dr wants us to look for patterns of behavior Though my dad was charming for the one year courtship and flipped on the honeymoon

[@845722144]

After lifetime of narcs abuse, my best advise would be , enjoy every new relationship for few months with out involving your emotions , then watch for signs and then decide. That is why narcs are so quick to cage you, so they can abuse you ASAP...

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Yolanda Miernik,you are too precious 🥀🥀🥀🌺🌹🌹🌹to be with a narc 🙄!

[@mothballs]

Yes! Avoid the caging at all costs!

[@mary-janemzumara9166]

“That guy was Never Here” !!! -this line hit hard

[@lorraine8962]

Boundaries! First sign of any kind of abuse, leave. Because you can’t fix others, especially those people who refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior (grandiose entitlement).

[@Rubylove48]

I agree with dr Ramani that not enabling narcissists is the answer to so much.

[@ginatassinari3689]

Looking back after 10 years, is true that I also knew in the first days and weeks that something very wrong. But immediately I was wrapped in what seemed an inescapable web of passion, fear, lies, gaslighting, dehumanization, privacy of anykind was accusitory even using the rest room. I miss took this negative attention for love. Education on this subject is life changing and life saving. Thank you for your work on this issue.

[@katevillalon4452]

It's really difficult to deal with one. For him, I made him feel that he's always wrong when I know for a fact that I am only reacting to what he's actually making me feel. Crazy. They will push you to our limits and when you finally explode and fight back, suddenly you're the bad person. Lol.

[@classyconversationswithrho344]

When a person who is only concerned about his wants needs as well desires. He does not place you first rather he places you last. Always has excuses about his time and seems to make you wait. He is always making you wait for everything. He is never on time at least 90 % of the time. He repeats himself all the time. He does not listen really listen to you. He does not think you have anything to offer to the conversation. There are so many things. The gaslighting as well the game playing that goes on is crazy. Always on the cell you feel alone while out on a date. Not all of them are rude to the wait stuff or rude to people. Published Writer

[@lindalnd90]

It's 5am and I'm alone and scared like a narcissistic is hiding under my bed to pop out at any moment.

[@maninthemirror216]

😂 👏🏻 me too !

[@deena2931]

Even the boogie man under your bed got scared of the narc and left with a quickness

[@AntigoneRisen]

The chicken fingers being a deal breaker struck me as very elitist. This is a good conversation.

[@uknpdsurvivor660]

If it "too good to be true" then it is. I thought this but he had a geeky/awkward side to him that I thought counter balanced the "too good". He was able to do fake empathy which I fell for. He knew what to say but it was never genuine. I kept him at a distance for 2 years as didn't want to rush it. He later told me he played the long game. The manipulation was premeditated which is terrifying to realise. I later found he started to devalue and smear me to certain people. Those people are now still part of his circle..the rest who knew me have been discarded as he practised scorched earth policy.

[@elipotter369]

UKNPDSurvivor I think there is a strong chance he wasn't playing a long game at all - he is just saying that later to upset you and try and make you feel out of control and him in control. He had no way of knowing of you would ever go with him. He is just being smug.

[@despinakourou8548]

WOW, after watching this, I feel lucky to have got rid of him after only 2 and a half years

[@jfaustin1742]

You are. Cheers to that!

[@owencovell1008]

Dated one for 2 and a half months and am so glad I ended it when I realized what she was doing to me.

[@valeriepearson8373]

Really important to understand covert narcissist. Wolf in sheep's clothing can be your girlfriends a well. I have been surrounded by narcissists parents then some friends and then men in relationships.Very manipulative and also use victim energy to draw you in.Sometimes they pretend to be empaths as well but would never actually help people.

[@goodintentions1302]

Yes. It hurts just as bad when it's a platonic female friend.

[@addisonsteiner6473]

I don't even really like chicken fingers, but now I would order them on a first date just to see how my date responded to it, lol.

[@northofyou33]

I had a friend who was ALWAYS rude to waiters. I called her on it a couple of times, but she ignored me. I stopped going out to eat with her. I can't stand it.

[@niccolea2086]

My Narc’s love bombing lasted over a year in the beginning and he spent more of the next 11 years being mostly very charming. We sometimes went years without even arguing. So I think it’s important ppl are aware that there’s no definite set time period for love bombing or anything else.

[@jfaustin1742]

How did you see his narcissistic traits play out?

[@norma4851]

I was in a relationshit with one for 16 months; I finally had to leave ; this just happened a month ago. And I went no contact .

[@leejay2418]

Good for you. Hope are you ok. Narcs are the worst.

[@norma4851]

Lee Jay , Yes, they sure are. First time I have met one . And he depleted everything from me, till I couldn’t take it anymore . I wish you peace and happiness , and pray you won’t have any more encounters with them !

[@joseenoel8093]

Ya, better not to rock the boat.... They cannot handle your thoughts, your wants, desires... Mine complained about my cooking so yup honey, you're right, I can't cook... It wouldn't be so bad if you weren't working so hard... Spending so much.. But we're still married... How is doing a 9 to 5, at which you have your bad moments, but you can't leave because you need the bucks any different than putting up with dick head here and there if you can have a situation where he pays for everything, you're a tax break for him, the finances and kids are better off when you stay married. How is being married 'not' a job, it is! I'm not unhappy, I'm realistic!

[@nunciosidereo4070]

Enjoy your culpability freedom mate

[@Lescandalefinir]

Please stay away

[@the3dkate379]

"Grown men on a scooter...thats very 'chicken fingery'" LOL!!!! this was such a great interview. i always love listening to Dr Ramani. she's so real.

[@mceciliabueno]

OMG! she totally described my relationship with my EX!!! I wish this would have been released back in 2011! Great work guys!!!

[@AshleyMintz]

She says she wants the guy in the corner who is afraid to approach her, but that could be a covert narcissist…

[@sonicfoxxmusic4281]

...or a really nice millionaire.

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

I should have read the comments. I wrote that as well. She seems to only be focusing on grandiose narcissists.

[@sometimesiguess]

She said the quiet guy in the corner with the disheveled clothing. She didn’t say he was afraid to approach her.

[@stonehavenlife13]

Yes! Yes! Yes! So much this! These are literally the people I'm drawn to, & everytime it's a covert, avoidant narcissist!!! Don't go for the quiet tortured type in the corner! It's scary she doesn't understand this. She doesn't always have good or accurate views, I've noticed.

[@nixwestlake9196]

Or a serial killer lol

[@krustysurfer]

Everyone's a victim. Everyone deserves love. Love heals all.

[@nixwestlake9196]

Yes mine was all about love bombing for 3 months then backed off in that way for 2 or 3 more months then came back emotionally...was emotionally present, then backed off again...in the worst way...systematic breadcrumbing

[@Anonymous-hz2xw]

Yes, don’t assume about the rumpled guy in the corner. He can be the lurker. Just has a different way of getting your attention.

[@cjennings6179]

Beware of all guys in a bar. Where ever there is Alcohol & RUDENESS ARROGANCE there is AGENDAS of ideas plans to get & TAKE. TAKE. TAKE NEVER able to CARE for anybody. They feel RESENTMENT. BITTERNESS. REVENGE feelings. They want Loyal followers. Puppets. Slaves to WORK FOR ME FOR FREE & pay me for accepting you. Worship the ARROGANT EGO MANICS. I need you to TAKE CARE OF ME. WIPE my butt. Make me happy. (Sex) Do your dancing on me. He said. Shocking direction from him. 😖😱😯 oh No dude. No way. Creep. Hustler. Pimp. Scumbum. Rascal. Gigalo. Jigalow. Male prostitute SMOOTH operator. Salesman. Shyster. Coniver game player character performances to entice. Captivate your heart. Make you feel feelings that pull u into them. They are SMEAKY. SLIPPERY. Scheming their agendas / plans/ purposing to get you to give UP YOUR PRIZE YOUR DIGNITY . YOUR HONOR. Your SELF-ESTEEM. Your GOOD SENSE. PEACE OF MIND. SELL YOUR SOUL to the THIEF & LIER. LIKE GIVING YOUR PEARLS & Diamonds to pigs. Do NOT ALLOW YOUR PRECIOUS Feminine GIFTS TO BE STOLEN. TAKEN. TRICKED into willingly giving yourself & your holes over to a rogue 🐖 PIG. HE DON T CARE about or For your feelings or the injuries physically & or EMOTIONALLY. HE CONQUERED SCORED. CHECK MATE. He is king. He is GOD IN his mind. You are the LOSER. A puppet now. Shamed. You will want him more. (E bonding happened during the dirty lust ACT. NO TRUTH. NO LOVE given. Emptiness. ( he got the CHEMICAL THRILL DOPAMINE/OXYTOCIN/serotonin/ endorphins RUSH THRILLS/ CONFIDENCE high " i male" conquered chic! Primal low CLASS man. RIGHT?

[@danitiwa]

C Jennings believe it or not some of us just go to bars to have fun and feel human lol

[@Laswampthing]

I needed this 3 months ago. I knew he was too good to be true, but I still got sucked in.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Kel,you got a lovely smile, hope you are with a good man!

[@crshia]

Also, "I'd like YOUR opinion on. . . " favorite technique. They get you to talk with them about themselves. So, you get into counseling and they act like your advice is the one that is completely changing their lives. This really takes in the empaths and codependents. It makes you feel like they are giving you respect, when they are reeling you in.

[@makbadgam]

Yep, spent my all my 20s with 2 different varieties of narcissists! Good grief

[@ilianam453]

You poor thing... I'm 23, spent my last three years with a narcissist I have been miserable at times not living to my fullest potential I am terrified of losing my best years as well to covert narcissists. :(

[@karolcastillo329]

Same :(

[@GlitterC8k]

I'm 24 and spent 3 1/2 years with one. I'm hoping to salvage the rest of my 20's soon. Edit: it is done. I am now single, and feeling a lot lighter.

[@marinaglazunova4688]

I was married to it about six years . Now I'm with two little kids , alone but happy and I'm so proud of me !

[@jnnh7654]

Deal breaker: You pay for your own dinner that they "bought" you

[@yakkityyak9336]

@Maartje Goede It means they want something from you after.

[@Cheryl_Frazier]

Eww

[@dannym6552]

Jennifer H That’s not one, just a loser of a guy.

[@Shazzie_Rose]

@Maartje Goede Or they take you out for a meal and you end up paying for it because of some reason or another.

[@co4975]

One learns codependency early in life, most likely as part of experiencing narc parents abuse. The later hellish life stories come by themselves.

[@christinehaigh9807]

" I love you" is a lockdown!

[@IsabelleIsabelle01]

The first time he had a tantrum, I closed the door and never looked back

[@oscarwilliamson1264]

Isabella Isabella, Really!

[@LovingLife990]

Well done 🤗👍

[@SageKayDee]

Good on you! I kept forgiving him and making excuses for his behaviour and even believing that I may have played a role in them.

[@mothballs]

I wish I did that!

[@wendy444]

You are right-on. I'm finally out of that control ~ I thought it was so cute that he was so CRAZY about me ~ What I soon realized is that he is just CRAZY!!!

[@quidproquo82]

My number one deal breaker that I will not budge on is when someone professes their love for you after only a few dates. Every single time, it is a huge red flag to me that this person has deep seated issues.

[@mothballs]

One did that to me just this weekend!..

[@ploops43265]

Lol the dude's reaction when she spoke well of "that guy in the corner". Wow. Too obnoxious to realise how much that said about him.

[@miriamramsey2412]

When I meet one he was so nice charming, but then found out he also lied about having one kid he ended up having 3

[@nyk0l3tt3]

17:28 the pointing, grimacing, and "HER deal breakers" was so off putting and made me agree with the people calling this guy a narc

[@shubhisharma4261]

I felt extremely disgusted and irritated.. when he was pointing his fingers at her.