How To Be More Assertive

[@lbali2896]

How refreshing, a calm and pleasant speaking voice. Too many youtubers yell at us.

[@Ankhar2332]

Everything in our culture enslaving us. No youtuber can fix this

[@0xjessie]

Facts

[@CeCe-fh2ix]

Oh yes he has nice way about him. Great video too

[@cristiplopeanu]

anger = attention = $$$

[@ariffirmansyah597]

🏋‍♀️

[@JorgeRodriguez-ih8ub]

"Becoming more assertive is like learning a new language", that's so important because one of my problems with assertiveness is the words that I use with people, always passive and ambiguous, never decisive and clear, changing that is one of the biggest steps some of us will make

[@elamanecera]

example please?

[@eye_nead_2_dookey]

they cant people just be yapping in the comments under these types of videos just to be seen and sound smart 😂

[@zeetheeog7672]

@@eye_nead_2_dookey facts lol

[@KayKashi]

Assertive with a calming voice that’s what I like. I don’t want to have to yell to be assertive

[@hugh261]

Speaking my truth is all I need. Trying to change others is always manipulation.

[@KingJ1397-v8q]

This has basically been me all my life , care about others peoples feelings more than my own, I become submissive to people who I believe are authority figures hence making me shy. Probably a result of my upbringing and need to uproot this pathetic weakness before it ruins my life.

[@AnaAlmeida001]

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everyone here feels like a piece of shit. 😂

[@WhizPill]

Love that KZbin is helping us all collectively grow up 💯💯💯

[@markhynes1940]

I lived like that all my life too up until the past year or two ago. I always put myself last and made sure I was the one always looking out for my friends and family and all I ever got besides being taken advantage of and walked all over was the occasional smile and a thank you. Well within the past year or so at 25 years young I decided that I've finally had enough of all that. If this world is going to do nothing but abuse me for what I have to offer, and there's no other way for me to get what I want and the respect that I know I deserve, then I'll play their game right alongside them. I forced this change upon myself by quitting my job and throwing myself into a field where a submissive personality will ensure absolute failure (that being carpentry/construction) it was extremely difficult at first and the first six months or so were absolute hell because all my life up until now I've been that submissive quiet little boy who is hesitant to speak first or walk in the door ahead of anyone else. Even if you keep your head down some of these guys are like sharks smelling blood in the water and they will target you if they think you're weak. I went through several jobs and companies and learned many skills as I did so, practical ones yes but more importantly how to stand up for myself and how to not only stand up to "bullies" but also how to get along with them and turn them from bully to friend. Today I am a roofer doing some of the hardest physical labour of my life, but I have since developed a strong backbone by surrounding myself with others who also have one, and now every day I am eager to get up there and work with men who respect me. Even though I am the least experienced guy on the roof, I can tell that the guys all respect me because I take initiative and show an eagerness to learn and work hard, and whenever someone teases or gets frustrated I just give it right back to them and we still wish each other good night at the end of the day. Going through this transition was without question the single most difficult and life-altering thing I have ever done, but I am so incredibly glad that I did it and that I never gave up, because I am so much happier with the man that it made me. And I am personally proud of the man I have become, it's honestly probably the first time in my life I've ever felt genuinely proud and accomplished with myself. I don't know how I allowed myself to be that weak little doormat for so many years. Now I'm not saying that you have to go and do a really hard job to learn how to stand up for yourself. I'm just saying this is what worked for me, that was far from the only reason I went down this career path but it was a big one. My main point is, as someone who has successfully made the change and came out the other side the better, I promise you it is absolutely worth every second of struggle it takes to get there.

[@ZachAbram-ey8pm]

it will piss everyone off lol

[@iwantgoals1566]

You’re not a lone brother. We are here with you. 🤝

[@papichulohomes9818]

17 year old here you are the only youtuber in this space who I feel is 110% genuine and actually happy with their situation in life.

[@mohab4059]

Agreed, 19 here. Have watched every single self improvement KZbinr and he’s by far the most genuine and the healthiest for your mental health

[@jackpostjiujitsu]

I agree

[@Cleanyourroom-yv1te]

Recommend you guys checkout Dr K too

[@Apokrovic]

shit same dude

[@Kais4sight]

Agreed

[@jenkinsjjenkins8055]

Learning how to fight really made me more confident and its a night and day difference

[@deckfart1560]

​@@alexfish477seems us men really gotta master it all. Health, finance, friends, family, communication....

[@kevinel1398]

@@alexfish477Hey. Way to be super and quickly judgmental. Like, maybe he means boxing lessons?

[@AngelWatts-g8g]

​@@kevinel1398Alex says "Thats nice." And then tells about his own experience

[@Slangh]

@@alexfish477 I think he meant just the topic of this video, not physical fighting. I have tried to feel more confident by practicing martial arts but never turned into a tough guy, still remaining insecure. Because I never dared speaking up about the small things, let alone handling physical violence. This video advocates starting small since the devil is in the details.

[@Idontevenknowman779]

@@alexfish477uhh, like… you just fought random people on the street? Cause I just took kickboxing classes and learned how to wrestle big opponents 😂😂

[@CrustaceousB]

I misread the thumbnail and thought it said "your thirties ends now" . I was like, what the hell it just started. I'm only 31😂

[@NewelOfKnowledge]

Hahaha, let’s see how many others do the same 😂😂😂

[@stieg_smith]

😂😂

[@bugzyhardrada3168]

Dyslexia can be a gift aswell as a curse

[@biblequotesdaily6618]

count the days sweetheart. be careful driving.

[@dawud_hmdl]

when is it a gift😭​@@bugzyhardrada3168

[@jenmdawg]

I’m a 55f and I work , surf and interact with young men all day most days. I see so clearly the pain and shame and confusion that is specific to this demographic and began looking into ways I might help as an “aunt” figure. (I firmly believe and always have that elders are supposed to kindly shepherd Youngers into their very best self) Your channel is amazing and gives me a lot of insight and tools and compassion. You are a gem and my favorite nephew.

[@cake.1344]

If you are telling the truth you are a credit to the human race

[@Vuhl-x8h]

I would love to date a woman that’s older than me. I’m a 25M

[@snaggiz]

Young men need good, healthy role models now more than ever it seems. I’m sure they appreciate your guidance.

[@jenmdawg]

@@snaggizI’ve “adopted” a few “nephews” and value them like family. There has been some awkwardness (their hormones do interfere:) but I’m so clear on how I see myself-role they figure out I’m not hitting on them and also that I don’t need anything FROM them. I think trans generational friendships are really important and can be the least complicated.

[@lindboknifeandtool]

@@Vuhl-x8hall 25m would..😂

[@SageLazuli]

The most difficult part of this for me is definitely not getting triggered or defensive when the other person is on the defense or acting aggressive. Gotta work on that reflective listening and staying calm

[@NewelOfKnowledge]

It is by far one of the hardest things to do. Let's call it emotional intelligence on steroids. Good luck, you got this.

[@jonharper1990]

Looking at this comment allowed me to reiterate this rule for me, because in my experience instead of wondering why they felt the way they felt (in regards to the response), I took it at face value. Never do that. It’s like, we know it’s a bit deeper, we’d just rather not look. We’re afraid of things we don’t understand. That’s why we gotta listen to each other.

[@keltecdan]

@@NewelOfKnowledgeYes absolutely. Sometimes it’s just better to walk away because the other person is belligerent and not wanting to converse with you in a reasonable manner.

[@DDumbrille]

@@NewelOfKnowledge Great video, but I wish you -- and of course many other youtubers -- would TAKE A BREATH between statements, instead of editing them out. It's very difficult to listen at times, because everything is chopped into small edits, for fear (I guess) that you'll lose a listener if there's any pause. In actuality, the pause would be WELCOME, so we can digest what you just said. Thanks.

[@jonathanallard2128]

About pauses between sentences to digest what was just said: YES! I found myself pausing the video a few times to allow myself to take in and really understand the new concept I was presented with. It's okay to take a second or two, at least for me.

[@war-deserter]

When I see videos like this, I feel hopeful, because it shows that I'm not fundamentally broken and I can improve.

[@Skidmaster180]

Your behaviour might be faulty, but you are not therefore broken. Keep your chin up.

[@michaelsanchez8519]

Be careful with this. I recently let go of my New Year’s resolution.(Yes, I’ve held onto it this far). I made an effort to not take anyone’s BS anymore and started becoming more assertive.. I felt more empowered, but it came at a heavy cost. Most people in today’s world are sensitive and passive. THEY are not assertive and will take people’s BS. When I became the man I should have been, I lost quite a few friends and people started viewing me differently. I felt alienated and alone and depressed. I’m now in a phase in my life where I’m enjoying my quiet time. Learning new things, picked up kickboxing, started cooking more. And I had to learn how to balance assertion with kindness. This is not an easy task and you will make mistakes. Or at least feel like you did. Always remember, be true to yourself and be compassionate as much as you can. Hope that helps somebody.

[@DalaiLlama666]

I myself have done a similar thing this year. .. can I ask, do you feel you were being Assertive or do you think you may have come across as aggressive in your assertion.? .. after watching this video, I think I need to have a good look at myself and ask that exact question. Reflecting on some past interactions where I felt pretty good about being assertive, I now actually think I came across as a bit of an arsehole.

[@the_lyrical_woodsman]

Bro, yes I feel you! Once you step up the self respect and boundaries it really polarizes you and makes you less palatable for those who are more lenient with their boundaries and self respect. They were friends for the old you, but unsuitable for a growing and improving you, which means they weren't the introspective and willing to grow type. We don't need avoidant folks in our lives when we value communication and have a sense of direction and purpose. Thank you for sharing 🙏

[@borg673]

People want you to be less better then themself, because they see you become better ans thats what make them uncomfortable, jealous. Stay on your path and keep doing what you doing

[@branoatrice]

One thing that is not mentioned in his video is that we have conditioned people around us to EXPECT us to behave in certain ways. If we had been assertive in every interaction previously, they would already expect that from us. It is quite possible though that we have a number of people around us who simply wouldn't choose to be around us if we were assertive. They benefit from our lack of assertiveness. In those cases, we are going to lose relationships as a result of being assertive because our new communication style no longer benefits them.

[@borg673]

@@branoatrice 100% agree. You will find new people who will respect you. The others, just let them go or dismiss them.

[@water4112]

I use to talk a lot as a child but got shut down by my family which made me quite, then they ask why I’m so quite, I’m trying to talk more nowadays but they don’t like it and my social anxiety is another issue I have when I’m out in public

[@dlopez1438]

Same here , when I was younger I was like a jokester and kind of extroverted even , but as a 33 year old I have been an introvert for yearssss now lol … things change

[@zc1312]

🌟So when people are use to you being a certain way (you are quite and your fam is get to “speak over you”), they will rebel against your new behavior because it doesn’t fit the narrative they want you to fit into. Usually, this tells me that this relationship is potentially toxic - the other person/s won’t accept my personal growth because it challenges their own patterns. There might be a transitional period of your family dislike you speaking up more, but I feel like if they keep pushing back, then I encourage you spend time with people in your life that does accept this new part of you. I wish you best of luck in your journey and all the ups and downs that comes with it ❤

[@water4112]

@@zc1312 thank you for your support

[@matthewmorgan582]

Yeah, after years of verbal and physical and mental abuse, it's hard to talk sometimes. I used to freeze up talking to people or in front of groups. I took a public speech class to fix those antisocial problems. I'm doing a lot better now, but every once in a while, my mind wanders back, and I choke up. As long as you work on improving, it's possible to get back to that.

[@matthewmorgan582]

​@zc1312 Yeah, people tend to do that even to improvements. Other people aren't perfect and are often jealous or insecure themselves and project their feelings and opinions on others. The words in your mouth flow from what's in your heart. Oftentimes, people see you doing better and are jealous. Then, they tell you you're wrong for whatever reason to feel better about themselves. Even if it means lying to themselves. A lot of this transfers to wealth and other aspects of life. The mindset that keeps people poor is that they see a rich person and are jealous, or they say life is unfair. They're ultimately right. They make excuses as to why they can't be better instead of being better. They see those doing better with jealousy instead of seeing a learning opportunity.

[@mattiamarsano3144]

You are the older brother I never had. Seriously you’re opening my eyes. Respect from Italy 💪🏻

[@wesgoodson5025]

“Excuse me sir, you’re sitting on my body…which is also my face.”

[@MarkySp4rky]

I would like this comment but it’s gotta stay at 69 likes

[@yuriventura5601]

“Be more assertive!” Bee beep *puts finger in pocket “Not INsertive!”

[@s.c342]

This is why I love the internet 😂

[@Lisaconv]

I was bored and clicked on this video out of pure curiosity and turned out to be one of the most informative videos and definitely one that I NEEDED to watch

[@NewelOfKnowledge]

I'm glad it satisfied your boredom. :)

[@lovelywizard-i2c]

As someone who has never been able to assert or just doesn't need to (I have Autism and a plan B always) it was such a helpful and you explained it so well I really appreciate it. I have always been watching stuff which might help with my behaviours (so that I can stand for myself) So far the mostly watched videos are just a bunch of information with no easy explanation where I lose the track of time or the steps. It's always how much useful information can I take in without losing the track (new connection with every single word it's like my brain is built to get distracted) But you explained it like a teacher of middle school. This was such a good watch.

[@juliechurch1799]

Interesting when said high self esteem ,high assertive! No wonder I'm abused and walked over cos I can't be assertive hence on the floor self esteem! Right from now on I'm not take no more from anyone.thankyou for open my eyes 👍

[@berkefeil5646]

The sneaky thing as that people can kind of manipulate you without bad intentions, even before you realize it. Whenever you lose touch with yourself, it’s always a good idea to take a step back and question whether the choices you make are really your own. This is such a darn valuable thing to pay attention to because genuine happiness can only be found in living according to _your_ needs and wants, as long as you’re open to well-intentioned advice and change when needed. Therefore, not standing up for yourself is not only giving up on individuality, it’s also giving up on the very core of a good life. So stay conscious everyone, and remain true to yourself

[@ChristianReinholdt]

Good Hegelian insight! Well Said.

[@ComewithSall]

This video is amazing . He gives details that otherwise aren’t mentioned in videos such as his mention of breathing , even including the technique , and he gives words one can start off with to talk to another . He even follows the rule of speaking in which if you have something to say and don’t want to be interrupted , you ask the other person to listen to you , while also telling them you’ll listen to them after . This works because a person will , WILL, be inclined to listen for ur desired time , such as 5 min “can I speak for five min and then you can say whether you want “ this allows for no interruptions which allows for less anger to be had . Etc . He even included much psychology that professors say .

[@Roswell33]

Its a wild concept to me that people actually need to be taught to treat others with respect etc. like wtf, why isn't that a natural state for people, it scares the sh*t out of me because I can't comprehend it. I've realized that if I need to fight for boundaries and respect with someone, it's better to be without them

[@stevecarter8810]

There's fighting and there's drawing the boundary. People raised in dysfunction might not have learned appropriate levels of robustness when it comes to drawing boundaries. In that case, moving away from conflict means moving away from all relationships before giving them a chance to stabilise

[@renatacunha-]

same, I couldn't comprehend the concept of not being judgemental over somebody I'm watching passing by (from another video), like... who can be judgemental on someone they don't even know? I'm too naive or this world is very messed up 😅

[@irateindividual8086]

THIS unless we are talking children or people with other serious issues grown adults who do not automatically respect others reasonable and natural boundaries simply aren’t worth bothering with. Even if you ‘discipline’ (ie shame or scare them) into respecting you they remain a fundamentally untrustworthy person underneath

[@GwapoBeshie]

I've learned to really enjoy stuff that's uncomfortable and It's been really successful for me and made me grow alot in every aspect.

[@PrinzVanFunfhaus]

What do you consider uncomfortable stuff? Sport, talking to groups of people?

[@GwapoBeshie]

@PrinzVanFunfhaus It's all personal my examples are performing for crowds, doing dirty jobs like plumbing and mold work , and dealing with people who will never admit they are wrong ever. But life isn't easy unless you become complacent.

[@motc8238]

This feels like healthy masculinity. Assertiveness without the whole domination part.

[@savadrenovac3537]

I know you've heard this hundreds of times, but I'll be ASSERTIVE and say it again, your content changes lives, it helps me immensely, thank you brate

[@hggggggggr]

You are a hero. I will die happy if I die knowing that I helped someone as much as I feel helped and touched with your videos. May the universe, God or Nature bless you.

[@InterruptYourDay]

You are doing God’s work in terms of helping me in this realm. Thank you so much❤

[@cifge_404]

Staying calm is always the hardest part for me. I feel like I always start crying in these situations no matter how hard I try not to.

[@Gibsoncustom89]

Feel like being assertive correlates with patience. As I've grown older and been inoculated with instant gratification I've naturally just gotten more annoyed with people accosting me.

[@rokpodlogar6062]

float, float, float your boat, assertively down the streeeam

[@renalta8968]

Thank you for the examples, they were super important for me to understand how and where to use assertiveness. Some of those triggered memories of past conversations that have happened around me or that I participated in. I felt so helpless whenever these happened because it's always the same conversations over and over again and they never lead anywhere. Everybody just gets defensive and acts selfishly and nothing changes and I just do not know what to do differently. This video explained so much and gave me hope.

[@TheRealHerbaSchmurba]

Im learning this because I have a “friend” that has a tendency to give commands rather than ask and in order to not cause problems I tend to just suck it up but I do have the issue of having pent up behavior because of it. So very helpful.

[@No-Gumph]

When you take such time and care in explaining things I feel fortunate to be listening because I came across your channel through luck. I really love the use of "when you, I feel, because" in a positive context. I think that has huge potential for others to feel seen for what they do.

[@Uncommony]

Be assettive but not rude Be confident and not arrogant Be strong but yet kind. Dare to be exceptional. Dare to be Uncommon!

[@nunyabusy]

18:06 Just to be fair, as someone who taught these skills in the field for two decades, your description here is thorough, precise, and accurate for MASTERY. I would expect a sober, beginner adult learner to take two to five years of daily practice to achieve fluency in all the you elements listed. 😅 I can even admit that since working from home for a few years, I would need a solid week of focused practice to get back up to 95% performance. Also, 70% is still passing. 😉 Take it easy on yourselves, people. When you’re doing it right, psychological work is gentle work. 🐢

[@NewelOfKnowledge]

Thanks for sharing!

[@AverageThinking]

3:47 I had to pause after this sentence and breath for a minute. That just put a giant spotlight on the problems with all my troubled relationships. Oof

[@meganhenry5795]

It's so amazing to set boundaries. I was never taught as many weren't. Added benefits include: losing supposed 'friends' and start seeing people for who they are, whilst attracting people who genuinely care about you. ✨

[@danjsilve]

In Aesop’s fable. The Sun and the Wind. The sun wins every time with its gentle, firm and consistent approach.

[@jwnomad]

And if they agreed that the first to make the man put on his cloak was the most powerful (instead of to take it off), guess which phenomenon would win? The fable only demonstrates that its conclusions are arbitrary and absent of reason

[@holisticallyme556]

I could listen to your voice day and night so comforting and calm thank you for the video

[@Mizzpinkperfect]

Submitting the way you expressed it is missing information it’s a gift to give when you submit in any form your saying with words and action I trust you. I can tell you what I want and then submit it you because you have shown you can handle this responsibility it also shows your ability to relax within the boundaries and situation thank you for the video ❤

[@charchuk7456]

Agreed! I came all the way down here looking for others who understand the nuance of mindful submission. It's quite the hang-up to be taught in the vanilla world that all submissiveness is a character flaw.

[@replicant357]

.. and this is the beautiful part of visually seeing the words + the ability to PAUSE RWD PLAY and go over x2/3/4 what was just said so it sinks in and “clear” in within the context. Thank you for those extra efforts put in when making these . 🤝🏼

[@pacific6858]

When you publish videos, I feel grateful, because it helps me to become better communicator, and it also helps me with English language proficiency.

[@dwzm]

This is really really amazing stuff. Sadly the truth is that it will not work for a vast majority of people (including myself), but a vast majority of the ones who watch the video will try to apply it into their lives, with varying degrees of success and failure.

[@strictly45s6]

Thank you for caring, Lewis.

[@BeanSprouts02]

12:14 "There is nothing too small to assert about if that thing infringes on your personal space"

[@BeanSprouts02]

This is the thing. I always think to myself, "oh, it's just a small thing anyway," or "oh, it's just this one time anyway." But what ends up happening is that they keep doing it! And yeah, my resentment starts to build up, etc etc, just like how Robert Bolton described it.

[@donopagma]

Thanks for this practical video. As someone who always diminish or dismiss my irritation just because I don’t want to ruin the atmosphere, sometimes I feel so resentful and it takes much more energy than it’s expressed. Very helpful to learn to assert my boundaries in a healthy way 🙏

[@DBLUE-bo2qe]

Bro’s about to school, the whole school system.

[@domacdomo1520]

The amount of knowledge i gained with this video outweiths a month in school.When i see that you uploaded your video i get a nice yet at the same time uncanny feeling becouse i know i will know something that really will help me but will be hard to do.Keep up the work,you are NEEDED.

[@agileteamwork]

My search for mental health brought me to your video. It is unbelievable how many valuable notes I found here. I appreciate it as I know how hard it can be to produce good quality content with good presentation. Keep up doing your good work!

[@SLAMBANGO]

I'd like to become less assertive or maybe just appropriately assertive in various situations so I'm here to learn that side of it...

[@AtarAsterlayna]

Thank you so much for that. J’ai récemment eu une dispute avec une amie, j’ai tenter de lui faire part de l’inconfort que je ressentais sauf que j’ai eu peur étant une personne plutôt timide, alors j’ai décidé de simplement partir et à fini par être agressif quand mon amie m’a rattrapé pour demander une explication avec un air confus. Maintenant je suis consciente des erreurs que j’ai faites, j’essaierai d’appliquer ces règles simples la prochaine que je ressentirais cette inconfort.

[@sehalshams]

I don't usually leave a comment on videos, however, I was compelled to let you know that this was a well-put-out message to help understand the core concepts of assertion and the differences between assertion, dominance, and submissiveness. The understanding and knowledge of assertiveness will help individuals foster healthier relationships in the long run. Newel, you have done a really good job of delivering the message of assertiveness and how to be in harmony with it and how not to over-step boundaries. The video has clarified how assertiveness can be well established and by not undermining the person's character and to also protect your own.

[@NewelOfKnowledge]

Thank you for taking the time to share your appreciation. I appreciate you brother.

[@joshhoe]

Clicked on this in the hope I can fix my lack of non assertiveness. To all my fellow non assertive people out there: do you think being non assertive is intrinsically connected with too much guilt and therefore lack of self esteem ?

[@icantdenyreality3516]

I could listen to your voice all day! Very smooth and calming.

[@oskarredi1627]

Your just Great i love your humor, your way of speaking and what you say I truly think you do a great job and i am thankful to learn from you thx mate

[@RobertRiker-h9u]

I’m amazed by how much I learned!

[@TakeMeToYourLida]

“pesky buggars” was just the right phrase to add the levity I needed while watching this. 😄 Great info. Thank you.

[@gefelice]

I've heard of this feedback rule before, but I've always struggled to put it to practise. You describing the part about the other person getting defensive and how to respond to that is amazing information and will really help me!

[@valtern1200]

Your videos are of so much help in everyday life. I hope i can keep my calm, stand my ground and put the things you've just taught me into practice, the next time i find myself in a situation where i need to be assertive.

[@daruhasu]

Everyday I'm being more and more assertive, mind you, I was the most "chill" and "people-pleaser" you can think of. First I thought, why do people know what they want, and actually "push it" to other people. Because they know what they want, and it is inportant to them, which makes them feel confident in the outside and in the inside. So the first thing and only thing that helped me in this personal evolution is quite simple. Understanding myself. I used to not think about my feelings, just felt them, and moved on. But, it wasn't until I started thinking why I was feeling the way I was feeling, that my confidence started to grow, and now I can clearly think about the things that I want, and make them important to me, which as a result, gives me confidence and makes me prioritize, or at least, keep them in a high standard.

[@daruhasu]

Damn my english is quite broken lmao, hope it's understandable and helps someone though

[@ironcloud6222]

@@daruhasu it's actually quite well written. Thanks for the message, it made me realise that i also need to do this.

[@Israelpwn]

What messes with me most is that I genuinely don't take fault with many things. Yes, some things may annoy me somewhat, but they're minor and simply not important enough to stand my ground on. On the other hand, I've found that there are cases where I will die on hills that other people will find to be very petty, and it's something I've had to let go in order to have a thriving relationship. It seems like there's a disconnect between my inner world and values, and the outside world. Things that "should" annoy me don't, and things that "shouldn't" - do.

[@RethanHunter]

This video is gold. I'm so glad that I found your channel, The topics and lessons are useful to everyone and I love the humor that is snuck in every once in a while. Thank you for sharing.

[@sarahjertkvist5814]

This video feels insanely serendipitous for me to have found where I’m at in my life right now. Super valuable, well explained and I also enjoy your calm speaking voice. 10/10!

[@humh123]

Its so hard to find the balance when you’ve let people cross your boundaries for so long. Im someone who used to be a very strong personality in my childhood, i even used to be a bully in kindergarden which im not proud of (me and the victim are now besties though and have long come to an understanding). I used to be very very assertive, stubborn and a leader type. However with some bad experiences throughout my school time i became a people pleaser even though ik my old me still lives inside me. Thats when balance gets really hard for me because id let people cross my boundaries and even push them myself and realize only afterwards which is when i become very uncompromising and angry about it. Then I’ll communicate it all at once after a long time of always saying yes and wont tolerate any kind of excuse or pushback. in the end people always end up perplexed and angry before either i cut them off or they cut me off. In the end im left feeling like i did something wrong by standing up for myself and this cycle repeats itself.

[@JosephRDBenjamin]

I need this. One of my greatest weaknesses is being timid and speaking in uncertainty.

[@PhoenixBerry1988]

THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO! my ex gf always said i was being controlling when i trying to be assertive and i think this is going to help her understand that wanting small things for myself isnt control Thank you!

[@indiasupportsthereturnofth1475]

i dont know your gf but I think these days, anyone that simply says no to a woman or isnt a pushover is automatically labeled as controlling. I say, dont change your ways and if she cant understand that... well thats why she's an ex!

[@stevecarter8810]

Since she's your ex, there's no need for her to understand anything about you. As long as you understand about you.

[@tturi2]

it's not controlling to want a non messy house, non constant uninvited visits etcetera

[@FourTweny]

When you make a great video like this one, I feel happy, because I spent my time learning and enriching myself.

[@laxmanlxmnisuppose308]

This probably is a solution for my entangled emotional mental state. THANK YOU ❤

[@northynorth]

I'll watch and rewatch this as many times as I need to get it into my thick, people-pleasing, skull

[@linuxducky]

I was expecting by the title this vid to be more about general assertiveness day to day. This is more about how to be assertive in conflict or relationship issues.

[@MuscleMeetsMind]

I really needed this message brother. Thank you for packaging it in such a digestible way, I took multiple screenshots throughout and will return to this frequently. I hope the message will stick over time.

[@wm17959]

People who are not broken can never understand what that's like. They make this wonderful videos teaching others how to be better people without any conception of how they ended up where they are. You can't fix 'broken'.

[@tweetie8745]

Yes you can. If you stay in the mindset that a broken person cant be healed, you will never heal. Being broken allows you to build up from scratch, from the bottom. It IS possible and its even more empowering coming from a place like that to becoming the person you want to be

[@manie54321]

Namasté & Ho’Oponopono everything 🕊️❤️ You’re a great teacher.

[@danielhamid479]

If I looked like this KZbinr! I wouldn’t be watching this vid of his on being assertive!!

[@jibberism9910]

I am a man with two faces. I am the most assertive, on a ground level, you may ever meet. But there is also another side. That side of me is in his castle. It keeps him safe, but it also keeps him trapped and cut off from the world and everything in it. There is more to it than a spectrum. It's a very complex sphere. Now I am technically PD'd, so that plays a part. But still wanted to put this out there.

[@seanwagner7426]

I can really relate to this thanks for sharing

[@JesusSaves77799]

Thanks for sharing! Do you think that this assertiveness is a way to keep people away from you? Also, what is “PD’d”? Is that a title that might intimidate people away? Just some thoughts and questions! Please forgive me if I am doing something wrong by asking these!! I’m learning!! 😅🙏

[@ZmeH906]

This needs to be required in middle school and high school.

[@bethypines]

Found you yesterday and you are my favorite channel on this platform. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 🙏🏻

[@jejehdh]

Bro is giving way too much value and genius, 22:06 was super insightful

[@thiagoqueiroz6930]

I don't know what exactly he has, but everything about him is so attractive, the voice, the accent, the eyes I can't explain 😂❤. Btw great video.

[@mirroryog4918]

Flawless delivery of well forged thoughts! Thanks for your time, friend!

[@nunyabusy]

Awesome. I came to see if this was macho propaganda or well informed. You’re well informed and asking appropriate questions. It’s refreshing. And your voice is smoother than Jude Law’s, so wow. That’s nice.

[@lalalovengun]

This tutorial is pure perfection!! 🏆

[@chrislee176]

I’m employing this with the IRS agents who are seizing my earnings whilst threatening me with imprisonment, and it doesn’t seem to be working.

[@riachu81]

Cuz they’re business men they don’t care they’re pushing you into a corner and making what they want to happen happen cuz they have the power to do so

[@wattsnottaken1]

The IRS was the only Zelda Boss Link could NOT defeat with a strategic combination of moves with his trusty sword 🗡️ shield 🛡️ and other equipment he stored in that endless menu screen 😂

[@BelleHealingMusic]

IRS will never threaten anyone for prison, they're probably indian scammers. If there are false claims it is considered fraud but ko IRS agent will call. The IRS send letters! That's all and no agent acts individually. You are talking to scammers

[@snaggiz]

“When you try to take my possessions from me, I feel sad because I like having my things” IRS: “oh, my bad bro”

[@reedy_9619]

Have you tried unplugging and re-plugging the IRS agent?

[@user-xy4ff5yp7b]

Some workplaces don’t allow assertiveness because they’re toxic. Sometimes you need to change your environment too!

[@Slangh]

Thanks for the video. The point about addressing the small stuff is exceptionally helpful because I tried to feel more secure by learning self-defence in martial arts. Didn't work. It didn't make me capable of being assertive, just maybe more prepared for when shit hits the fan. I feel resentful sometimes because I let all the small stuff accumulate. Gotta start small, the devil is in the details.

[@viscousmartincarey7031]

One hard part of this situation is when the other person flat out won’t change unacceptable behavior. Like a boss for example and you literally have to quit your job or play hard ball. Sometimes the solution is a hard pill to swallow but better for you. Find a boss that communicates well and you can meet each others needs 👍

[@thatartsyphoenix]

"Your Ends Timidity Now"

[@reaper_artwave]

It's funny how i discovered this video after realising my own assertiveness problems at work and have delt with them.

[@Mikizushi]

10:01 What about people who constantly disagree about your description of what they’re doing? Like the example you have earlier being in the office: “when you play loud music it disrupts my focus” (or something of the sort) What if their response was: “it’s not loud” or “that’s not what I’m doing”. In other words, being nit picky about any word that might possibly insinuate or have a negative connotation or motivation. My family is like that and it feels difficult to have conversation especially in more heated situations (which I recognize I do contribute to them being that way)

[@IdaBrun]

I was reading “Everything is F*cked” by Mark Manson and he goes into this way of living. I love seeing this same mentality in more places

[@CompleteHealthControl]

This is a great modern take on non violent communication. Very nicely done!

[@blazin603]

i appreciate the peaceful approach in this video.

[@thereallehasa]

This is a fantastic way to go about this. Make sure over time that the receiver is capable of assimilating the message and adapting empathetic change, some simply aren't. How do you think one could better respond to people who exhibit a pattern of rigidity even at the best expressed assertiveness

[@darlingladymoon]

Hey, just want to say I’ve been really enjoying your content. Very clear and straight to the point, really entertaining to watch. But what I would really love is to see you making a video on how to maintain a good balance when it comes to empathy. As someone who is naturally very empathetic, it can get a little overwhelming. Showing compassion and having empathy is great and it’s a quality that is much needed but I think it can be too much at times if you’re unable to distance yourself from the suffering of another person. It can start to feel like you’re the one who is going through it sometimes. Not sure if that really goes with the kind of videos you make but I would love to learn how to detach yourself emotionally and have a proper balance where you are able to show compassion but also not let it affect you.

[@NewelOfKnowledge]

Thanks for your support. That's a great suggestion. I'll do a little bit of research on the topic and see what I can find, then I'll make a video about it. It seems you're asking about how to avoid being a people pleaser, and like you said, how to maintain healthy levels of empathy. Is that correct?

[@darlingladymoon]

@@NewelOfKnowledge well not sure if it has to do with people pleasing, I'd say it's more on how to not be hyper empathetic to the point it affects us negatively. It's less about how you "show" your empathy and more about how it internally affects you when you don't emotionally distance yourself and remember that the suffering is theirs and not yours. Hope that makes sense. And thanks for considering my request!

[@ReallyBadAI]

Before I dive into this I wanted to preempt my viewing by saying I feel this to be one of my main failings as a person. A lot of the time I let things roll over me when I'm bothered or just go with the flow when I don't want to do something, but this has led me to be a very unhappy person that, when I decide to assert something, it comes out as fiery anger where maybe it didn't have to?

[@siinus4064]

Cause of you I started reading more books again. Im starting with Discipline is Destiny now and Im excited af

[@ManuelSabatino]

When you deliver like you did in this video I feel great cause I didn't waste 28 minutes of my life 😂 thank you

[@jwnomad]

I would no more care for other people's feelings than I would expect them to care about mine. Which is to say, the bare minimum required to get by

[@lucy_sashimi2637]

You make great videos man, very insightful thank you ❤️

[@NewelOfKnowledge]

Thank you :)

[@jenkinsjjenkins8055]

Learning how to fight changed all of this for me

[@ewaldus]

Love how society keeps telling kids to not fight when someone is bullying them. Then society is surprised we have a generation of timid men that get an anxiety attack just thinking of talking to a woman or going to a job interview...

[@techelitesareadisease8816]

​@@NatxAttackxLivePoint totally went over your head

[@NatxAttackxLive]

@@techelitesareadisease8816 What is your point? as you didn't actually posit much other than you think young men today are not manly enough to fight. Who the fuck do you think is doing the bullying lmao. Do you believe that violence makes you a better mate?

[@mamamymammasaidthat6764]

theres a person at work who talks to me a certain way in front of other people, calling me a melt or just very dry and straight faced, i suffer with anxiety which doesnt help my bodies response, hes not threatning at all but my body still goes into overdrive and anxious in my stomach, mind goes blank and feels like i cant get words out