How to Become Disciplined: Motivation, Self-Concept, and Finding the Fun | Being Well

[@ForrestHanson]

Really interested in what people think of this one. What's helped you become more consistent? For me, it's been all about learning how to find the fun in things.

[@lynnehendersonfisher]

The idea of enjoying the process with delayed gratification being sweeter on completion. Works best of course with things that you find interesting and absorbing. Love your channel!

[@universal_handle]

Thanks for this @ForrestHanson ! I had unknowingly written off discipline as something that was out of reach, sometimes seemingly forever. But this video helped me to realize that there are many steps I can take to get better at discipline. And it's not an All or Nothing skill that you either have or you don't. This has been very helpful and I'm excited to go continue my day now. Thanks again!

[@Lorobain33]

Generally I've been able to apply discipline to things I've given my word about or feel duty around. To feel intrinsic discipline I've been trying to find connections between things I have trouble being disciplined about (eg. eating more healthfully) and my highest internal values ( being my most beautiful self). Then I apply habit stacking around those highest internal values( eat well, go to bed on time, exercise, meditate, etc - all toward the value of Beauty) I found this episode really helpful. Thank you!

[@corylcreates]

"The meta-motivation of not waning to be defeated." Wow this one really resonated with my competitive side. I struggle with motivation a lot, and this nugget feels incredibly useful. I hadn't thought about being in competiton with failure or the task itself.

[@mjparent222]

yes that is a very good one. even not being defeated by my own laziness !!! I got you ! I knew you could make it, one thing, then the other ! and then it feels good.

[@jiji_arra]

Forrest, the information you shared about making the act apart of your self, your identity and who we are, clicked for me (23:33). That was the part of this conversation that truly felt honest to my core and my ability to function. As a trauma survivor, it is difficult to hear language around “self discipline” and “surrender to” as it feels I am self-imposing on my person. It activates my trauma having been imposed on throughout my life and being in positions where I have surrendered to harmful people. To take that language back and say, this is me, I am a person who does x, y, z and make it a part of my self, my being, felt so freeing and true to me. Thank you for your wisdom.

[@darkcreatureinadarkroom1617]

Ok I'm just going to say it: That "some reason" why some people struggle connecting with their inner more positive voice, finding enjoyment and satisfaction in the things they do, and even identifying the things they like and enjoy? Yeah, that reason is our parents. Or, more accurately, their parenting practices, their own idea of discipline which you two talked about in the beginning of the episode, and the whole culture surrounding it. I recently had a recollection of what discipline felt like when I was little: I remember one day when I was of elementary school age I confronted my mother about the fact that punishment came swiftly when I misbehaved, but I was never rewarded when I did things right (in fact several times I was actually punished for doing things right, but that's more related to my mother's emotional regulation issues than the topic at hand), so how does that work? "You don't need a reward for doing the right thing, it is a given that you MUST do the right thing". So my 6 or 7 year old self came to the conclusion that my reward for being good was that I wasn't punished for being bad, and she never disputed that. I'm currently studying dog training and now I have a name for that: "negative reinforcement", which I suspect shares strong similarities to the "distress tolerance" you guys talked about, which, as you mentioned, is not a sustainable source of motivation for either humans of whatever age range or dogs to keep going long term. So how do I build discipline? Music, nice things, gamification (which is what Rick was doing with the boxes, in case he hasn't noticed), little rewards I collect over time (over a long long time tbh), wanting to help and not harm others (this helped IMMENSELY with my own emotional regulation issues), a base of theoretical and self-knowledge about my underlying processes... And my ADHD medication. Thanks for the episode, it was great as usual, and thanks for the space to share our thoughts! Much love to you guys ❤

[@rebeccacatherine799]

Oh my goodness! Thank you so much. This has been so helpful to me! I am trying to write a thesis at the end of my psychiatry training and so burnt out and rensentful about how much of my life I’ve given away that I am truly struggling with the “I don’t wanna” voice. I have a plan now and greater understanding. I so appreciate you both!

[@user-ik8xk8cv8s]

Your podcasts are so high quality and meaningful. You were right, your dad (and you) are loveable. You both do important work, thank you.

[@ResearchBasedLanguageTeaching]

Thank you again for an amazing episode. For me the pearl in this one was when Rick takes this topic much deeper than ive heard it discussed and talks about how if you haven't really connected and appreciate yourself on a deep emotional level no amount of motivation strategies will be effective because youre not with you. Rick's experience and depth are a treasure and im grateful that you bring it to a mass media like this for those of us who will probably never get to be in a clinical setting with him 🙏

[@malunachow]

Very important topic about clarifying what you really want, deeply, truly - not from knowledge of mind..

[@twilfits]

Ty for another immersive dialog and synergistic interactions. My professional experiences (professor) have worked against my leisure life. Product and process orientation was holding me back; with "what" and "how" facing every mechanical task. I switched my orientation to "do it until" (until you get tired, until you have enough xyz, until you're failing, etc).It's no longer A to Z and not an endless mobius life but had a softness around the edges. If half (the dishes,.laundry, exercise, volunterring, reading, having fun, etc) are experienced then Ill measure that against the next time. It's not measured against a preconceived idea and deadline which was my professional mindset along with what others might observe. All your points are appreciated beyond measure.Thank you ❤

[@lindaelarde2692]

For me the reality check is permission to NOT like doing something but if that task stands between me and a goal or just a "its gotta get done and it won't do itself" reality...then I'm just going to do it and try to reframe the "why" as my higher purpose. When i taught high-school, I used to tell my students the same...liking something is not a necessary condition to getting it completed. You have the option to hate it, but do it anyway if the goal is more important than your emotion in this moment. 😊

[@revolutionary_evolution]

I love your show. I love your content. I love how real you both are and I LOVE your vulnerability and you human-ness, and the beautiful way you articulate without judgement. And I love how you always lead by example and how you not only discuss these things but you model it too! And with grace, might add. But I wanted to THANK YOU for these gifts and for sharing them with us. 🤍🙏

[@in_His_grace]

I second this! Beautifully said 🙌💕

[@suegr98]

I am going through a transition from work to retirement so this topic cannot be more on point for me. Part of me didn't want to listen. ADHD makes discipline seem impossible. I'm glad I did listen and find that the meta motivation stuff is really powerful. I need to make self care, or valuing myself, a meta motivation.

[@Lorobain33]

Rick's Meta motivations resonate so much with me - these are my go-to's : duty, keeping my word, mastery of skills, not being defeated by a thing...but I sure would love to feel intrinsic motivation.

[@tomeupou137]

As a PhD student with a hard time getting motivated, I loved this episode!! I would like to ask for another episode on the same topic and if you could develop it more.

[@staleyexplores]

I want to hear more about this relationship task idea or structure. Poignant episode for me as usual. It’s like you all are seeing what’s in my life and offering help as I go. Ty. All I need to do is make one step towards the task and I seem to be able to fall in line and get some work done. Taking that step can be a doozy…😢

[@chrisharris6462]

15:10 replace this inner voice: what would Goggins say!? 17:47 😂😂well expressed! As an early middle-ager I find reconnecting to what is emotionally important to me to be extremely difficult. Years of peering out from the corner of my mind, as Rick said so exacting. 29:11 you didn't say if it helped the relationship. As my friend says, 'don't talk about it. Be about it.' So meta. Great cast. Now I'm going to embody the work that is to be done today. Thanks!

[@mjparent222]

biting a chunk that you can feel successful about it ! love that, so so so much Thank you !!! for all these wisdom notes. for me what works that is for sure the turtles steps really help. I can say ok that is step one. done. and question me about step two. do i feel ready. sometimes i allow myself to say not today, i don't feel ready. what could it be a very small thing to do about it ? sometimes it is just rearranging the paper on the table. moving some stuff around, feeling of some small accomplishment. and sometimes, many steps just goes by without me noticing time. i get in my zone and this is blissful moment. again, thank you for this very useful conversation.

[@KamoheloM___]

This was great. I have survived the past 24 years on meta-motivation of wanting to do things right and precisely, but otherwise I’m the perpetually exhausted theoretical person you used 😢. I think I’ll be trying the cutting down tasks to an hour, cause after an hour I always clock out. Thanks from South Africa 🇿🇦

[@angelawilliamson6765]

I love you guys and I love everything about this talk it's making me feel more I need to return to work after being off for quite some time after my mother passed away. My job is intense and overwhelming at times put some really sound advice and ways to look at it, the depth in the detail & how you both converse and related emotionally healthy and respectful makes listening to your podcast even better. I really love you guys thank you. X

[@ljohnston108]

Thank you, this was so helpful - and exactly what I needed in relation to recent contemplations with myself... I'll be tuning in for more episodes. Big thanks to you both.

[@CathyJennings-kw8ds]

What we believe WE should have in our life. What do we feel we SHOULD BE BLESSED WITH daily.. 😂❤❤❤❤

[@NtathuAllen]

Thanks for the reminder re the ethos of Karma Yoga and bringing that spirit to tasks I prefer not to do and people I prefer not to be with, 🎉 good reframe and reminder. Thank you

[@kathleengalek4441]

This interview is so helpful! Thank you 🤗

[@seaglass8084]

Just started watching but wanted to comment: this is so timely for me!! Thank you!

[@twilfits]

Thanks!

[@ewong7417]

Thank you for addressing this topic 🙂

[@leahb.mathis5727]

I would SO love to hear Rick's feedback about how to keep ones inertia flowing with discipline while ... what's the word...I'll say wrestling. How to keep the inertia going while wrestling through life with a rather long episode of Major Depressive Disorder. I love these videos, and the channel, SO SO much. I just struggle with making those first steps become my fortieth step, or my hundredth step, and so on... The depression gets in the way.. and it doesn't go away...and I know that in order for that to happen, I need to MAINTAIN DISCIPLINE, but it is an extremely difficult task... a task that feels almost impossible...

[@somebodytookmyname1]

I feel for you. You have articulated a great question. I too would love Rick's feedback

[@malunachow]

Introduction was great! ❤🌞🫶

[@Sophia-yo9rp]

Thank you. Brilliant.

[@davidprentiss4064]

Meta-motivation example: In Emma, Jane Austen has Mr. Knightley say, "There is one thing a man can always do. His duty."

[@sunnyadams5842]

The student asked the Enlightened One, We are folllwing close behind you, oh master, and soon we will join you in Enlightenmrnt. But what do we do until we reach that place with you,, Enlightened One? The Enlightened One replied, Chop wood, and carry water. Another student piped up and asked tgye master, Then what do we do once we have reached Nirvana, oh Enlightened One? What will we do then? How do we live in BLISS? THE MASTER SMILED slowly and answered, My friends, When we reach Enlightenment, in Bliss we will chop wood and carry water. 😂

[@dennisabraham1120]

How a son values his father and the father in return!

[@banovsky]

Wondering: How do I know I’m surrendering to the discipline or fawning / dissociating?

[@chrisharris6462]

One involves being in touch with your state of being, i.e. leaving choice out of it because wanting it any other way is going to cause suffering. The other involves rejecting the moment by grinning and bearing it. Identifying with the defeated, mud slogger that is subjected to the unavoidable hellish slavery of life.

[@malunachow]

Surrender, and just do.. another important thing.

[@dakine4238]

Something I struggle with is not wanting to live. I'm not suicidal but there's this sense of lethargy and what's the point of life or doing anything so I don't do anything. I mentioned in another comment this is accompanied by chronic fatigue. I've gone to therapy but they don't havre any solution so far.

[@somebodytookmyname1]

Though I do not have an answer for you, I am struck with your effort to change your situation. Especially because you are aware of + beginning with your inner dialogue. It's because you KNOW that you are having such a hard time with finding a point, then actually seeking the point (to me) demonstrates what Rick was talking about: being on your side, rather than having zero self investment. For this reason I feel optimistic for you, that with your diligent searching, your answers will come. Beyond that, I believe that your fulfillment can be sublime due to your full past understanding of living in numbness. Opposition between starving and satiated. A person who never experiences some pains often struggles to fully appreciate feeling 'whole.' In case you keep a journal on what you are going through now, going back to reflect on them someday could be impactful.

[@dakine4238]

@@somebodytookmyname1 thank you, I appreciate your thoughtful comment and support :).

[@CathyJennings-kw8ds]

I should have a better lifestyles. Belief to have a blessed whole healthy LIFE', In the name of our King Jesus Christ. SO be it!!!! I believe we should, should⚖️⚖️⚖️ aim haveió😂😅

[@CathyJennings-kw8ds]

Ok????