How To Become The Best Version Of Yourself After A Breakup! | Relationship Advice & Unmet Needs

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How to Heal From a Breakup & Transform Grief
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In this video, we talk about the steps you can follow to become the best version of yourself right after a breakup. Breakups can be really hard, but you can use this time to really think about what you want out of a relationship and use it to practice self-love, self-growth and meet your unmet needs to thrive!
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!
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#RelationshipAdvice #UnmetNeeds #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #PersonalDevelopment #PersonalGrowth #SelfGrowth #Interdependance #ResolvingConflict #ShadowWork #BreakupAdvice
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[@rickewi]

I am amazed on how focused I have become after my latest breakup. I have done so much work on my core wounds and now I wouldn't want my ex back. I am more secure healthy now and want someone secure and healthy as well as a partner.

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Very good work Richewi! :)

[@tashawilliams8093]

👏 👏 👏

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

@@tashawilliams8093 :)

[@AmitRoy-mx2vu]

I know exactly what you mean when you say "now I wouldn't want my ex back"

[@gabyr4641]

when she brought up alchemizing the pain of the break up for growth i felt so seen and glad that she said it - it truly is something so powerful

[@ToraydoBull]

Well funny thing was that back then I had chosen to focus and push myself only to prove to my ex what I was capable of doing to win him back but now, after going through all the pain and suffering alone when he chose to give up on me at my worst makes me NOT want him back ever. He can’t have what I’ve worked my butt off for. I’ve literally pushed myself out of my comfort zone since and gone on to accomplish a ton. Meanwhile I’ve heard he’s just repeating the same cycle with a new chick. Also, Thais’ videos really helped me through my breakup last year and this video just validates my choice to be my best self. Can’t believe I am in such a wonderful place a year later!

[@misssford_4528]

Wow ! That’s amazing. Very inspiring ❤️ I’m just now starting my journey.

[@roberttruman8444]

Perhaps your ex wasn't who you needed them to be and made mistakes and had flaws too? There are always contributing factors on both sides in any relationship, ALWAYS!!! Depending on who dumps who, we are likely to take more or less of the blame, and I suspect in most cases it's the one with anxiety and/or low self esteem that takes the blame. An avoidant person may accept blame but will typically justify it or rationalise it somehow e.g. convince themselves that the relationship just wasn't working to begin with, or that their partner wasn't showing up etc. In any case the avoidant partner would have moved on from their initial feelings of remorse and regret by around...........diner time. For someone who's anxious though their process of fixing their possible faults that may have lead to the breakup is much longer than the avoidant. In fact the AP would need their own montage for the time it takes, but on the upside this is often long enough for the original spell to be broke. Well done!

[@LeeChrissy]

I love hearing this. ❤ My DA ex and I have had 3 cycles and the first one I wanted him back so badly. I was sad and didn't care about why I left, I just wanted him. The next cycle after I left, I started working on myself and came to a sense of peace and realization that we just weren't meant to be. He came back and I left again a couple of months ago. My anxiety is always high when we are dating and I decided I don't like it. It messes with my sleep patterns, my career and my family. I was very attached to him. I suppose I still am. But now I realize that I don't feel safe around his energy. I just don't trust him and I can't pinpoint exactly why, but it doesn't matter. I went back to solely focusing on myself, my family and my business. When I think about it, aside from getting my sexual needs met, good company and loving him, there really wasn't much of anything else that I found made him a good partner. I never really felt like he was in it for the long haul. He was just kinda there and it seemed like I was there to keep him company. It's over now and I feel comfortable enough to say I will never go back into it because he doesn't want to ever work on us and ignores issues. I'm good. He just keeps repeating the same cycle with women and has no interest in growing.

[@roshalllambert]

Shadow work is a powerful tool. Its my second favorite course in PDS! Btw on a side note I absolutely love Thais' dress!!- 1st comment

[@DT-kl7uf]

Your first step about what it costs to be back with that person.. that was awesome. So easy to think about being lonely and missing that person versus the reasons you were unhappy in the first place...Suit of Armor...so good! Thank you

[@ashleyb.8217]

Please talk about how to identify if growth after a breakup is taking place or if I’m simply avoiding my feelings. I heard you say, in order to maximize growth I need to figure out what I liked about that person, what need they met and give it to myself.

[@LW-wg4ny]

I’m 54 and started dating at 14. I got married at 32 and was married for 22 years. Now I’m back out on the dating world and it is no easier that it was in my teens and twenty’s! My biggest frustration is this message that we have to meet our own needs before entering a relationship. What is the point of coupling with someone if we can be completely autonomous??? I can’t experience intimacy with myself or with friends and family, I can only experience it with a romantic partner. I am looking to share a deep connection with a man I am in love with. I take care of myself and have almost become so independent that men see me as not needing them. That’s a problem I didn’t have before I got married. People need people, I don’t want to do life by myself.

[@fxtrdr4]

L W, the way I've heard Thais describe it is we meet our needs at least 50% just so we don't experience the suffering of lacking anything. Then, a partner can perhaps fill the remaining 50%. I don't think she means being completely independent of someone

[@LW-wg4ny]

@@fxtrdr4 Phew! I must have missed that, thank you for pointing that out!

[@roberttruman8444]

Unless i'm missing something then this is the first time you've been single since you were 14? If that's the case then is there any rush to get back into a relationship?? I think we can be intimate with ourselves if we want to, but we've been taught to seek a long term partner, get married and have kids, and failure to do so means we've failed at life somehow. It's all very sweet and romantic, but in reality it's only a popular convention that has existed for only a few thousand years. It's fine to want to be with someone or to be single, but because of how modern love has been taught to us through conservative religions and popular culture and we've seen our family and friends follow suit, it's all we've come to know and it creates a bias in us. I've you're only recently single and already looking to be partnered up then perhaps the need to meet society's expectations is just too great?

[@LW-wg4ny]

@@roberttruman8444 No I haven’t been in a relationship since I was 14! I started dating when I was 14, had several relationships but also many years single in between. I’ve been single for the past few years and decided it was time to get back into the dating scene.

[@roberttruman8444]

@@LW-wg4ny Oh I see what you mean now. I suppose either way if you've not long come out of a 22 year marriage then it would be a hell of a shock to the system. I was in a relationship/marriage for the best part of 10 years and straight after I ended up in a weird on/off relationship with an old old flame for 5 years. I don't know about you but I found internet/app dating quite superficial and deflating. It's made everyone very picky and impatient, and trying to initiate engaging conversation in text speak with a stranger is a real mission. The swiping process doesn't keep my attention for more than a few seconds, and I often forget to come back and check it. I hope you take to it better than I have. If you've learnt about attachment styles though then that should be a strong advantage to you. I do believe that we all have the ability to meet our own needs and seeing how older widows adapt to the situation suggests the same. I have to remind myself that everything about modern relationships that we know and take for granted are popular ideals that we've been conditioned to accept and value. It's likely there's some part of the initial attachment process that's driven by natural human instinct to ensure the survival of our species. That probably only goes as far as the breeding is concerned though. At least we're not like Praying Mantis', yay. It's the loneliness that's the killer! Given the option I'd always prefer intimacy with the right kind of partner. Who knows, we may be relying on AI for this soon. I hope you find someone anyway or at least begin to enjoy your own company and occasional companionship.

[@victoriarae2570]

This is the one I have been waiting for!!

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

Which part really hit you? :)

[@SF-pm1ov]

Love this! Thanks

[@jaredvaughan1665]

An INFJ's shadow functions are Si (introverted sensing = memory), Fi (introverted feeling), Te (extroverted thinking), And Se (extroverted sensing.) Thais often talks about memory and feeling being unconscious or shadow based. But that is only true for 8 of the 16 MBTI types.

[@tucky3191]

10:00 THANK YOU SO HELPFUL THAIS!!!!

[@MangoOasis97]

This is amazing thank you so much!

[@harold4thofhisname.499]

Hi Thais, i’m a big fan, i went through a LDR break up (we were together for a year in person before the long distance) in february and have been no contact and working on myself ever since, with your help of course! i’m just curious why you make so many videos on getting back together with an ex. do you think it’s healthy for people to try again after breaking up once before? or only if BOTH partners have grown and are willing to really try to do things differently?

[@michellleana]

can you do reasons the attachment styles may want to stay in touch with their ex’s family? ☹️

[@nafisaiddrisu9983]

What need is it if you are still interested in getting back with an ex who lied to you, obviously cheated on you and was disrespectful most part of the relationship 😩

[@markcafebrown2883]

I love you Thais

[@Ryan-yg7zc]

Ive a question for Thais and anyone who thinks they have an answer. Im insecure attachment (leaning avoidant with my previous AP ex wife) then became very anxious as a result of being involved with a FA. Her and I have been in each others lives for over 3.5 years and she has been hot and cold that whole time. Twice ive taken space for 6 months and 7 months respectively and started feeling really good then she reaches out and although at the start i feel like im ok with time i find my mental health slowly declines due to her inability to meet my emotional needs. Should I just give up and move on?

[@aarti9327]

I think you know the answer :(

[@mikedenver5341]

Why do I get suicidal thoughts after break ups?

[@bobbyscalchi4013]

Its ok. Its normal dude. Well not normal but common. I get them too. It could be for a lot of different reasons. Anxiety. Fear of loss, racing mind or thoughts to find solutions to problem whether it be ours or theirs, developing one self or lack of bevause of the anxieties. Combined traumas over a lifetime. Repetitive thoughts positive and negative. Sometimes we cant cope with going about our daily lives because of all the combined past failures and circumstances that we feel responsible for either because of inaction or the wrong actions or the wrong reactions, it sends us into a depression feeling like we are unfixable, unloveable, etc. Sometimes like the lady said in the video that what is the cost. We get so focused on the other person to alleviate that pain that we are not asking ourselves the right questions or seeking a different perspective on thinking about things. This lady and her channel is the best thing that ever happened to me inside of 4 hours by getting my mind into different areas of myself with reality still remaining objective. Im going through a breakup, a Divorce, financial issues, career issues, car issues, and attorney issues all at the same time. Im ready to get up now and knock all this $hit out of the park to become a better version of myself regardless of who comes in and out of my life now. Because she asks the right questions and prsents the right nareatives about why and how i feel and do what i do with clarity. You have a phone. Write down all your thoughts and questions about you about your failures and successes. Write down your questions about the relationships that failed and why. Write down your success.Yout costs your gains.What makes you happy.

[@Daisy-by4ye]

Thank you for sharing all this. I am too feeling suicidal and it’s because I feel I’m unloveable and that my brain won’t ever let me someone love me without sabotaging it. Being abandoned really triggered me so I decided to seek out therapy and work on it. Its time to do something about it so thank you ex for the mirror!! We’re not alone.

[@relanaallen5513]

😔😔😢

[@ammu.live100]

Mam I'm going through relationship problems. I met a girl on Instagram, she started liking me and got very attracted towards me. Then we came in a relation and fell in love. But now she is acting weird. She use to love me a lot but now she is acting cold & don't want to be with me anymore for no reason. We never fought, we never argued, I never disrespected her still this happened to me. When I asked her why? She said that "I'm not having same feelings for you now & want to move on" Now she is ignoring me on social media and don't want to meet or hangout. I asked her for a chances to make this better but she is not willing to do so. We both are from different colleges & have no common friends. I don't know what should I do now. What's the reason behind this. I just love her and she gets irritated whenever I try to explain her what I feel for her. All she wants is just to come out of this relation. I feel so miserable & defeated as this was my first love experience. This was first time I came much closed to a girl. First date, first hug, first kiss and ofcourse my first breakup. I don't know what went wrong. I am perfect & I knew it and even she use to say this. She use to appreciate me a lot. She use to say that the only thing a girl wants is love, care & support and you give it all. Your the best boyfriend, why didn't we met before. But then after few months she said things are not same anymore and "I don't have same feelings for you anymore". I don't feel the same when you hold my hands, huge me, kiss me as it use to. Is this a reason to break-up. With this reason I can change girls every month. Why she has no sense of commitment and responsibility. Why can't she see my love for her. Why can't feel my pain. why? She is not a bitch like many girls around me in college. She is a decent & very humble and that was the main reason why I came in relation with her. Please & tell me why is this happening and what should I do. I knew its easy to say move on but I'm not able to. Please help me 🙏🏼