How to Change People Who Don't Want to Change | The Behavioral Science Guys

[@RandyFriedman]

LOVE the "ask questions" approach to help them figure out what they most likely already know. It's simple and brilliant!

[@michellekhater3423]

Asking questions is the best way to unlock a person's thoughts, mind set, ideals. You can learn a lot about an individual with the questions presented forth and maybe unlock the ways to change their bad habits for good.

[@codyphillips]

I'd love a more detailed explanation of "influential questions" and some examples of such questions that managers might use to motivate others.

[@CrucialLearning]

Thanks for asking. Here is a response from David Maxfield: The “Big Idea” behind asking influential questions is this: The person doesn’t need more information. They already have all the facts they need. What they need is to evaluate the facts, and apply them to themselves. Any questions that help them to evaluate the information they already have-and apply it to themselves will work. Common mistakes we all make: - When we argue for one side of an issue that has two sides, we force the other person to argue the other side. This often plays itself out: I want my son to stop what he’s doing, and complete his homework. I argue for why he should-which forces him to argue for why he shouldn’t. - People hate to be controlled or talked down to. Any statement or question that comes across as patronizing or controlling will evoke Reactance. The other person will react by trying to prove how independent they are-that you can’t control them. - We have to be careful to avoid “Influential Questions” that come across at controlling or patronizing. There is no single or simple rule for avoiding this. The principle I try to keep in mind is: the truth will eventually come out. If I encourage an honest non manipulative evaluation, the person will eventually reach the best decision. (This requires more than a little faith and patience some times!). - If we summarized “Asking Influential Questions” as “Get them to argue FOR change, instead of AGAINST change.” I fear we would create manipulative questions that could backfire. Examples of Influential Questions - Could you explore the pluses and minuses of changing versus not changing. Could you explain the overall impact it will have on you? - On a scale from 1 to 10, on how likely you are to make this change, you selected a 3. Could you explain why you selected a 3, rather than a 2? Could you explain why you didn’t select a 4? - You’ve always said that you want to become a physician. But now you’re saying you don’t want to do your chemistry homework. I know these aren’t the same thing, but can you tell me more about how you want to balance your short-term and long-term interests? To learn more about this kind of motivation strtategy, check out Motivational Interviewing by William Miller and Stephen Rollnick. www.amazon.com/Motivational-Interviewing-Helping-People-Applications/dp/1609182278/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420660837&sr=1-1&keywords=motivational+interviewing

[@codyphillips]

VitalSmarts Video Thanks so much for the quick reply! That was super helpful. Keep the videos coming!

[@lynnlynnburns6666]

b

[@marianaferrari]

Excellent video and responses! Thank you!

[@nessh]

I know your question is 5 years old, but maybe someone else came here wondering the same thing. My suggestion: Show genuine care and concern for your subordinates. Take time out of your day to ask them how they truly are. Then, listen with empathy. If their work is messy or lacking, late or incorrect- instead of going straight to a lecture, call them in and ask, “Is everything ok at home?” You might found out that their unmotivated at work because of things they’re struggling with in their personal life. Be curious about the people who work under you. Once you find out how they are (address their emotional weight), then you can draw attention to the concerns you have about their work, “I was asking because I noticed you missed this section in your report....” etc, etc. In short, don’t underestimate the value of establishing relationship. If you show them you truly care about them and not just about the work they do for you, I guarantee you will boost morale and their perspective of you. People work hard for people they like.

[@rhendibutler491]

When watching this video stage 3 stuck out to me the most with the starting a task and being unable to finish it with everyday normal life. Sometimes we get to going on things and then lose sight of where we were and we fall behind with our tasks we have going. Getting back on track is always a task when you get to far off key.

[@Filet64]

This is always something I try to keep in mind but it's so difficult to act on when you're actually in a situation that requires it. Maybe I need some influential questions, haha

[@freshfreenlovinit]

Several years ago I read a book by Allen Carr called Easy Way To Stop Smoking. He had been a very heavy smoker for 33 years. He also said that smokers know why they should quit. But what they don't know is how to quit without feeling anxious. He describes addiction as a phobia, an irrational fear, but instead of being frightened of doing something, you are frightened of not doing something. I fully agree that telling smokers why they should quit is pointless because they already know that. The question remains is how do you enable smokers to overcome their irrational fear and become fresh air breathers without feeling anxious. I have written many poems on this subject and have been told that they are helpful. Using the children to ask if they could have a light worked brilliantly. The best solution of all though, would be if the government stopped selling them.....................but too much money is made from them.

[@cathysmith42]

I think the key point of the video is formulating influenctial questions based on the individual you are seeking to influence thorugh their own personal values and motivations. As I teach various Vital Smarts courses in my organization ( healthcare) to both clinical and non clinical staff (including physicians) - this is one of the most critical skills we teach - meet the person / patient- where they are and appeal to their personal values about their own wellness! Great Job David and Joesph- we love your BS!

[@cchanmen]

A great follow-up video would be "How to ask questions without coming across as manipulative"... Thanks BS Guys!

[@Kristianne12111992]

Exactly. Hope they would publish one soon. A practical and applicable guide would be handy.

[@aileendiaz9003]

Wendy Guess’s video on improving life using the five stages of change also works significantly in one’s professional life. Personally, networking is a vital source of getting to ​know others in my line of business but it is something I always have trouble as an introvert. Implementing these five stages is a great way to push me to attend the events and therefore realize how beneficial my outcome will be.

[@cveidgas]

Excellent material. Inspiring way to share. Keep it running. This is a great way to make an impact to the world.

[@thanosandnobill3789]

This experiment reminds me a little the pedagogical approach of Socrates known as "Socratic Circles" and "Dialectical method" I love your videos there are very informative!

[@flow383]

Dong nabbit dudes, whenever that scat plays like at 3:28, I have to start over from the beginning just to hear what you guys were saying . Catch myself scatting as well. You guys help me in my social life a lot ,really appreciate the information you bring to us. T

[@danaligntech]

Fantastic. I recall in Dr Covey's classic '7 Habits' he has some wonderful material on this very area - not surprising really when you consider it's about being effective ;-) . He actually gives some great scenarios and specific examples in a classic 'battleground' of parent vs child... exactly what we all don't want but seem to manage so intuitively to find ourselves plunged into at an instant - just this morning for me! I apologise for not being able to cite the exact location, though I do believe it's early in the book, and his words/examples and importantly the meaning behind them are just wonderful. I encourage you to check it out if you are after some more great material in what David and Joseph have shared here. Thanks so much to you for this great info. Best, Daniel

[@nathaliecheng3197]

This is great information! I always enjoyed the weekly emails you guys send and now a short video is even better. Thank you for all you do!

[@ZaneT531]

Love and cheers From INDIA Came across about u guys in forbes

[@loraleighkeashly4468]

I agree with Cody...more detailed explanation and examples of influential questions would be great!

[@CrucialLearning]

Thanks for asking. Here is a response from David Maxfield: The “Big Idea” behind asking influential questions is this: The person doesn’t need more information. They already have all the facts they need. What they need is to evaluate the facts, and apply them to themselves. Any questions that help them to evaluate the information they already have-and apply it to themselves will work. Common mistakes we all make: - When we argue for one side of an issue that has two sides, we force the other person to argue the other side. This often plays itself out: I want my son to stop what he’s doing, and complete his homework. I argue for why he should-which forces him to argue for why he shouldn’t. - People hate to be controlled or talked down to. Any statement or question that comes across as patronizing or controlling will evoke Reactance. The other person will react by trying to prove how independent they are-that you can’t control them. - We have to be careful to avoid “Influential Questions” that come across at controlling or patronizing. There is no single or simple rule for avoiding this. The principle I try to keep in mind is: the truth will eventually come out. If I encourage an honest non manipulative evaluation, the person will eventually reach the best decision. (This requires more than a little faith and patience some times!). - If we summarized “Asking Influential Questions” as “Get them to argue FOR change, instead of AGAINST change.” I fear we would create manipulative questions that could backfire. Examples of Influential Questions - Could you explore the pluses and minuses of changing versus not changing. Could you explain the overall impact it will have on you? - On a scale from 1 to 10, on how likely you are to make this change, you selected a 3. Could you explain why you selected a 3, rather than a 2? Could you explain why you didn’t select a 4? - You’ve always said that you want to become a physician. But now you’re saying you don’t want to do your chemistry homework. I know these aren’t the same thing, but can you tell me more about how you want to balance your short-term and long-term interests? To learn more about this kind of motivation strtategy, check out Motivational Interviewing by William Miller and Stephen Rollnick. www.amazon.com/Motivational-Interviewing-Helping-People-Applications/dp/1609182278/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420660837&sr=1-1&keywords=motivational+interviewing

[@toddshaffer1524]

I like the videos and the principles that they highlight. I realize that being done with kids is much more interesting to watch. I am wondering about the validity of these experiments and if they would work the same way with individuals from the working age groups?

[@lhoff4]

Great work! Thank you for the insights. Can always count on you guys.

[@michellekhater3423]

After watching this video, i would have never considered the idea of using behavioral science as way to change people even if they do not want to. I think it was a great idea to use the young boys in the video to ask for a lighter to get the attention of the smokers and the negative affects smoking brings. People do not want to change but i think we can help them try.

[@keval-u1433]

Very educative video. The content is excellent and the technique showcased is powerful.The choice of the agent who asks questions also might matter. Often prejudices about the intent of the person who asks the questions clouds the response. What would be interesting to know is whether creation of need for change, by asking right questions would be enough to sustain the drive for change.

[@pretzelzotikos1885]

Good. Fear is still the worst factor for motivation.

[@KD-sk8dt]

Looking forward for the next BS Guys

[@bethalope6304]

This sounds just like a counseling style called Motivational Interviewing. Good stuff!

[@DouglasBoldt]

Okay, this is outstanding. Kudos!

[@betsyday445]

Awesome! I can use this information in my learning and development programs. Thank you.

[@JasonLee-xl3rb]

Clever stuff

[@rhobi-jb9um]

Tony Robbins basically says the same thing. "Don't tell them why they must change, get them to tell YOU."

[@davidmbuvi168]

wonderful...this is amazing its so wonderful

[@vballdavid05]

Excellent!

[@stefanidaniels6032]

Hospitalized patients are at the mercy of physician's practice behaviors and research has shown that they prescribe based on personal preferences rather than patient needs which drives up costs and risk. So, what 'influential questions' can be used to ask physicians why they order stuff that is excessive, wasteful and potentially harmful to patients?

[@snsmystic]

But how do you relate it to other situations? When people fall in love with narcs, or when teens act out? What influential questions would you ask then?

[@barbaraardell2178]

In the Influencer training, we teach 3 strategies for Source 1: Personal Motivation. They are 1) Create a Direct Experience, 2) Tell Meaningful Stories & 3) Allow for Choice. Is this another strategy, or does it fit under one of the three above? Thanks! Love the BS Guys!

[@innerpeace2139]

does this work with kids?

[@msnadiak]

So in other words, motivational interviewing?

[@IvetteMary]

Me (a smoker since 14) about to close vid... Them: "specifically smoker" O.o

[@cesartoscano6813]

Trying to get my mom to stop believing in conspiracy theories. What influential questions could I use?

[@stinsonmonrovia]

1:20

[@stephenwehrenberg4312]

Would influential questions be formed to get the other individual to take the argument FOR the change you are trying to make?

[@CrucialLearning]

Hi Stephen, thanks for asking. Here is more information on influential questions from David Maxfield: The “Big Idea” behind asking influential questions is this: The person doesn’t need more information. They already have all the facts they need. What they need is to evaluate the facts, and apply them to themselves. Any questions that help them to evaluate the information they already have-and apply it to themselves will work. Common mistakes we all make: - When we argue for one side of an issue that has two sides, we force the other person to argue the other side. This often plays itself out: I want my son to stop what he’s doing, and complete his homework. I argue for why he should-which forces him to argue for why he shouldn’t. - People hate to be controlled or talked down to. Any statement or question that comes across as patronizing or controlling will evoke Reactance. The other person will react by trying to prove how independent they are-that you can’t control them. - We have to be careful to avoid “Influential Questions” that come across at controlling or patronizing. There is no single or simple rule for avoiding this. The principle I try to keep in mind is: the truth will eventually come out. If I encourage an honest non manipulative evaluation, the person will eventually reach the best decision. (This requires more than a little faith and patience some times!). - If we summarized “Asking Influential Questions” as “Get them to argue FOR change, instead of AGAINST change.” I fear we would create manipulative questions that could backfire. Examples of Influential Questions - Could you explore the pluses and minuses of changing versus not changing. Could you explain the overall impact it will have on you? - On a scale from 1 to 10, on how likely you are to make this change, you selected a 3. Could you explain why you selected a 3, rather than a 2? Could you explain why you didn’t select a 4? - You’ve always said that you want to become a physician. But now you’re saying you don’t want to do your chemistry homework. I know these aren’t the same thing, but can you tell me more about how you want to balance your short-term and long-term interests? To learn more about this kind of motivation strategy, check out Motivational Interviewing by William Miller and Stephen Rollnick. www.amazon.com/Motivational-Interviewing-Helping-People-Applications/dp/1609182278/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420660837&sr=1-1&keywords=motivational+interviewing

[@jamesola7968]

Have you tried AA meetings yet 😅..

[@juliettailor1616]

Smoking is not a good example for this experiment. Cigarettes are highly addictive, the addictive ingredigents in both the contents and the paper of a cigarette stays in the body far after quitting. In addition, as with all addictions, for many there are deep seated reasons for smoking.

[@touchheartyoga]

is bs big stick?

[@charliewhiskey9069]

The reason the guy did not answer the boy is simply because it is a very addictive substance...... So they guy is right not to teach the children to start smoking.... that is the truht and no B.S......... LOL

[@kojtxivhaam8629]

patience and time.... yeah right. what a bunch of crap. lemme give you an easy answer from experience. " Leave them be because they are NOT going to change." There's nothing you can do about it it's the ways of the world. a person has to learn the laws of the universe in order to change. I came across 2 that change me for the better. the law of cause and effect and the law of polarity. understanding these 2 laws and applying them will immediately change you over night. From the words of the late Jim Rohn " Don't try to motivate an idiot because now you'll only have a motivated idiot." or don't send your ducks to eagle school. 😤 be at peace my friend your lost was a lost to the world. your student, Mr. Hang

[@LizSmith1952]

This BS will change the way approach people whose behaviours you'd like to see change.

[@ZaneT531]

"BS" lol

[@ParksonKwok]

Excellent!