How to co-parent with a narcissist

[@socalgirl4351]

I'm crying and I'm only 1 minute into this video. Going through this as well 🩵 so thankful for Dr. Ramani

[@kennethfreeman4041]

I waited till my kids were grown and then left her and moved 1300 miles away. It was a horrible 18 years. Now, I don't have to see her or her flying monkeys . It has been so peaceful and relaxing .

[@krw5723]

Omg counter parenting with a narcissist is hell. They have NO BOUNDARIES and involve the kids emotionally in everything and use them as weapons. My ex drives me literally insane. For my bday I voluntarily went to the hospital bc nonstop gaslighting pushed me to want to unalive. I had no idea until we broke up how bad he could be. I wish it on no one. I'm a broken person. Everything reminds me of the Bible story of Solomon's choice. Two women claiming to be the mother of a baby. And Solomon simply says, OK I'll cut the baby in half and you can both have half. And the false mother says that's fine. And the true mother says no, never mind, she can have the baby just let the baby be safe. that is literally every single day of my life. He wants to cut them emotionally in half literally, and I just have to sit there in pain and watch because I refuse to cut them in half. He argues with me and fights with me about stuff in front of them, and I refuse to engage, so they only ever see one side. I've had to tell them I will never defend myself to them, because in doing so, I might drag down their perception of their own father, and I don't want them to think that their parents are awful people. Even their father. I would prefer they didn't know the real him. But they are finding out.

[@clairevandenberg8204]

No you DONT!

[@iyounghuang5433]

Yes, it is hell. But, 1. You are not broke person. Because broke person, brokes others. You choose not to broke others. 2. If you perceive yourself broke, be kitsugi. ❤ We have two lives, the second one starts when we realised we only have one. 🎉🎉🎉

[@mangalab.r668]

Why are relationships so hard

[@clairevandenberg8204]

@@iyounghuang5433 you aren’t broken, THEY are!

[@silflay_h8134]

I'm so sorry you were made to feel so low and that your ex is continuing to try to control you - you sound like an amazing parent and this will go so far in helping your children navigate narcissism. My son's play therapist told me that kids can be happy, healthy and secure if they have one 'good enough' person in their lives, this is how she termed it, and it helped me at the time as I left my marriage feeling like a bad person, full of guilt and shame.

[@orielwiggins2225]

This is one of most under discussed areas of narcissistic abuse. The triangulation and parental alienation attempts by the Nex. It's detrimental effects on kids has not been given anything near the weight it really needs to, as they suffer in ways that have been labeled by researchers, up there with survivors of incest. I know that sounds over dramatic, but from someone who's both lived this as the child, and the other parent who's child was successfully tortured and turned against me by this vindictive strategy, I cannot highlight this enough. Anyone who's got children and a narcissistic co parent, please read Divorce Poison, Before divorce, if possible. I only wish I had the knowledge about this that I do now. I did everything I could to give her the freedom to love be loved by both parents, but that was never reciprocated and the wisdom at the time was silence is better than "speaking negatively" of the Nex. But it wasn't. She needed to know what was happening to her and how slander /dilusion was distorting her perspective and ultimately her identity and personality. But *I* didn't even know what was happening til way too late. Thank you Dr Ramani for featuring these things and keeping the main thing the main thing.

[@ArianrhodKarma]

Oh, girl! I'm in a similar situation, and I feel your pain! How do we protect them from their father?!?! It is so heartbreaking on so many levels.

[@melisentiapheiffer3034]

Thank God I won't ever go through this!

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I had to study up on parental alienation- bingo! What does a narcissist not attack or use?!! Which I didn’t know at the time. You got to be really on your toes counter parenting , I have a friend going through this mess now! She’s been doing a pretty Dern good job holding her ground . Narcs are just awful people!! Luckily my friend is the one with the money. He manipulates the emotions of their child. Always some mess to try and clean up!

[@sharicoburn5475]

The reason I stayed married for 22 years to an alcoholic covert narcissist is because I had two children with him and I knew that if he had partial custody he was going to endanger them so I waited until they were old enough. 17 and 20

[@notoriousMAG]

You can't co-parent while together, how could courts consider you can co-parent when divorced?

[@MatildeReadett]

This 💯%

[@user-uc6gg1jq6i]

Currently going through this with my stepdaughter. Her mom has never been there by choice, on her time she only made time for SD when it was time to drop her back off with us. Fast forward we’ve moved state along with SD, moment we had a baby, bio mom started showing attention to SD, we went to court they assigned an ed litem, SD stayed here with us. Well now because mom “lost” all her false allegations well now she’s showering SD with material items and now dad is the worst, she’s crawled herself into our home by manipulating SD and sadly she goes along with it because we don’t give her all these materials and have rules and values here. It’s hell, mom is using SD and my SD doesn’t even see it, but she just knows she hates it here it’s a shame because we’re in therapy and nothing is working we can’t seem to connect with her anymore.

[@NickInSanDiego]

Dr. Ramani - I’ve been dealing with parental alienation for the last 5+ years that started with a custody battle with my child’s covert vulnerable narcissistic mom. There have been so many struggles coparenting. I was wondering if you might be able to elaborate on this topic when coparenting with a narcissistic ex. There is a relatively new KZbinr, Madi who started a channel about a year ago called The Anti-Alienation Project. She is an adult child who was alienated from her dad for 20 years before she found out, and is now in the process of reuniting with her dad, and getting the word out wherever she can about this form of emotional abuse. Perhaps you could collaborate with her on a video. Could be an interesting and informative topic for a future video, and help other parents like myself that struggle with losing a child to this form of malignant behavior. Bless you for all you do!

[@jonanon8193]

@DoctorRamani please talk more on what you say to your kids in this situation - you have already said more tangible things that I have heard from other experts in Parental Alienation.

[@silflay_h8134]

I'd love to read more about this too ❤

[@Pepper427]

I agree. Having the verbiage is helpful. Had bad situation happen and I dont know what to say to the person co parenting with.

[@jonanon8193]

@@Pepper427 On an associated topic - anyone co-parenting with a difficult ex should read the book "BIFF for Co-Parent Communication"

[@WatersBreedlove]

Please cover Parental Alienation Syndrome! It is the hallmark of Cluster-B but still invisible to the courts! 💔

[@tanyaflanders2196]

She seems lovely.❤

[@sharonchristian8508]

Don't expect to have a relationship with children after it's over. My ex died Christmas 2023. Children are 51 and 49. They have completely rejected me. Obviously it is all my fault. The best I can do is respect the fact they are adults.

[@appaloosa42]

M-i-L Gone 10 years , uncle was the worst sucked thelife out of my husband( his identical twin) and me gone 2 years, hubby ‘depressed’ so all I can do is go on building a life. Kids are in 40’s & ‘50’s, all but youngest were involved with narcissists. Grandkids swore off having kids, maybe for the best. Are they narcissists too?

[@lorab1912]

Exactly same false hope like a bad dream I can't escape from. From 2002 to 2024 harassment poverty isolation & no family.

[@sharonchristian8508]

@@appaloosa42 My opinion is that Narcissism is a generationally contageous EVIL. My kids abstained from reproduceing because they didn't want to spend their lives working for the benifit of someone else. In other words if anything didn't benefit them they didn't want to participate. Their father held the same belief.

[@sharonchristian8508]

@@lorab1912 There is a price to be paid for being a Truthteller, having an Internal Locust of Control. (Google the term if unfamiliar). It is a truth that (The Truth will set you free). I long ago chose to tell myself the truth and live on my own terms. I am a very loving, generous and kind person however I am alone, invisible and rejected by the people I once knew as family. So be it. I cannot afford to become angry, bitter or deceived about the life I've chosen to live. Truthtellers can't lie to themselves most of all but there is a butcher bill for cutting off the lie.

[@Babeatrice]

It’s not your fault. Please have compassion for yourself, and understand that the ab*se by the narc got to them, and without years of professional help and support, you never stood a chance.

[@shaz4532]

If you are a decent person, then grab your children and FLEE from the narcissist! A good person can only be severely harmed by a narcissist! There’s no other option!

[@mindinmybiscuits]

Legalities don’t always permit

[@shaz4532]

@@mindinmybiscuits true! If the mother is the narcissist! It would be almost impossible for the father to get legal custody. But it would work easily if it was the other way around.

[@MacJank7]

That is impossible

[@phoenixrising5338]

​@shaz4532 Boy are you uneducated about the way family court really is in this country. I don't know why people buy into the idea that courts just believe moms and give them custody easily. They do not.

[@shaz4532]

@@phoenixrising5338 I live in Australia. Down here, it would be easy for a mother and her children to leave an abusive husband and father. We have laws to protect them and charity organisations to support them. But I guess that’s not the case in the US.

[@toomanypetsful]

I already legally lost my son to my ex and his new wife. Yet, they still find ways to mess with me. Even doing questionable things and illegal activity. Good luck to everyone dealing with co parenting with a monster.

[@TheLove1Makes]

Breaks my heart.

[@Maria-o3o6f]

My narcisst husband is gaslithtnig our children. They are on his side, even tho IF tried to kill myself... He is evil and no one believes me?

[@NatashaDuarte30]

My ex can’t stop taking me court, it’s harassment If he files on more time I am going to file for harassment So he can stop taking me to court

[@thegrayhuttos4092]

Love your content!

[@CarolanRoss]

The title here "how to co-parent with a narcissist" ??? You simply can't. There is no partnership of ANY kind. Each and every day is a power struggle. Of course you want to protect kids from that battle zone, but it is very very hard to do in real life.

[@AlonzoJohnson-l4m]

Hi dr ❤

[@AnnetteMcDonald-i7o]

Pray for me. He has my name on his body? He is evil.

[@well_weathered]

💔🫂

[@merlinwizard1000]

5th, 23 August 2024

[@AlonzoJohnson-l4m]

😮

[@user-nq2vp3ez4x]

Hallelujah!!!! The daily jesus devotional has been a huge part of my transformation, God is good 🙌🏻🙌🏻.I was owning a loan of $47,000 to the bank for my son's brain surgery (Oscar), Now I'm no longer in debt after I invested $8,000 and got my payout of $270,500 every months.God bless Christine Evelyn Mackie

[@mfchavezx]

Hello how do you make such monthly?? I'm a born Christian and sometimes I feel so down 🤦of myself because of low finance but I still believe in God 🙏.

[@user-nq2vp3ez4x]

Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested MS CHRISTINE EVELYN MACKIE

[@user-nq2vp3ez4x]

She's a licensed broker here in the states 🇺🇸 and finance advisor.

[@user-nq2vp3ez4x]

After I raised up to 525k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.

[@cayla2fye]

I've always wanted to be involved for a long time but the volatility in the price has been very confusing to me. Although I have watched a lot of KZbin videos about it but I still find it hard to understand.

[@davidchelepyan5233]

That person you have there is the narc not the victim. Nothing about what she said adds up logically. He took her to court for child support even though the child lives with her? Also look at her facially responses and reactions to what is been said. She will smile at times that are completely out of sink with what is being said. Kim is the narcissist. Can you imagine the ego high she feels knowing that she fooled the foremost expert on narcissism.

[@Babeatrice]

I’m not sure.. but the tattoo part got to me.. it sounds like an endearing gesture, and if my child were so happy about it and it made them feel loved, I would’ve validated their feelings that it was indeed a good thing to feel that way. I’d also point out to our child what Dr. Ramani said about it.

[@Blackcatsrlucky]

You can't really know if someone is a narcissist from a 5 min video..I don't care what their facial expressions are. 1st off you have no baseline unless you already know this person. Either way it's pointless to make this statement when you don't know how they would react in this abnormal situation of talking to Dr. Ramani in person while live on a huge social media platform. This just tells me how little you understand the complexity of narcissism and now I just feel like I'm defending and explaining...

[@Blackcatsrlucky]

This statement only makes me think of a flying monkey... this woman must be dealing with a big narc..probably best just not to say anything since that is exactly how you're going to be perceived

[@sophieszabo1771]

That's because narc does these highly manipulative tactics, going as far as filing accusations on court that are in fact revelations of their own wrongdoings. Whoever not in it will have a hard time gasping what's really happening, it's so manipulative. I wish Kim a lot of mind power to rise above this and empower themselves with her son with the right skills to stay out of these games, and live a life she loves. 🌿

[@davidchelepyan5233]

@@Blackcatsrlucky Superman can fly too!

[@mr.schmuck5785]

👀🫶