How to correct bad behavior (without talking about it) - Susan Winter

[@MelisJoy]

"Praise what you want to grow. Starve what you want to die" Absolute gold

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you Melissa!!!

[@dominiquedevereux7205]

Just like a plant 🌵!!

[@kitdakat7902]

A universal rule. Works even for dieting.. starve the bad bacteriq off sugar if you want them to die and feed the good bacteria some veggies if you want them to thrive ^^

[@matiassantino4452]

Instablaster...

[@a.alexander9221]

"Reinforce what you want to grow; starve what you want to die" Perfect explanation!

[@SusanWinter]

Umm I don't know THANK YOU! 😊

[@casperinsight3524]

Positive reinforcement through genuine praise Hold your tongue and pull back from bad behaviour You teach ppl how to treat you by what you will or what you will not tolerate Focus on what you want Starve what you do not

[@project9uc886]

Lovely! But how do you handle a partner that doesn't show you love? And infact always placing other people ahead of you and doesn't create time for intimacy..yet claims her love language is different from yours?

[@dellchica2373]

Love it. Withdraw your attention and appreciation. And acknowledgement.

[@donnieluc6830]

My heart goes out to all feeling the agony of relationship issues. I assumed when two people in love communicated, all would be well. But out goes kindness and respect as one takes the other for granted?!?! I'm so angry at myself: 1. for ever falling in love with her; 2. for trusting her; & 3. for putting up with being taken for granted. Of all people, I know better! But you put yourself out there, so be prepared for the pain... I'm heartbroken. This one really got to me..., she really got to me.

[@chantalharris604]

I hear you and can relate to all your points. What my last relationship taught me was I had really bad boundries, hence all my heartache. I had something to learn and oh boy was it a harsh lesson, but I'll get better next time. I hope your heart heals soon.

[@Shalisha24]

Yes I love all of your advice. A week ago I told the guy I'm dating that it will be nice if he called more often instead of texting me. (He doesn't always like to be on the phone) I left it alone and got a lot of crafting done. I barely hit him up that day after I told him that. A day or two later, he actually start calling me more often lol even called this morning to tell me gd'morning and had a quick convo bkuz he's at work. Even though it's not half hour convos like I would like, I still appreciate the gesture and I let him know (serving the cookies lol). So yea, ladies, try this!

[@srijeetasaha3865]

What's the update? Are you two still together?

[@misskay8373]

You are saving my life.... wow one of the dating coaches recommended you and I have to say, I have watched 8 of your videos today and I have never seen things more clearer in my life. Thank you and continue the hard work!!

[@CLAIREBEAR]

Social conditioning! Pavlov's theory totally spills over into the dating world. Thank you for bringing light to this, Susan! Insightful as always.

[@sunriseinthennight]

Oh my god! I never thought of it that way. Thank you for explaining it like that

[@flowerdiva18]

Loved this advice Susan! I’ think I unknowingly did that a few weeks ago - stepped away when I did not like the way my boyfriend reacted to something and he came looking for me. And also apologized as he realized he wasn’t right. You are awesome Susan! Thank you

[@Creating2413]

This is exactly what I needed to hear! 💯 Thank you Susan!

[@Creating2413]

I have heard some variation on this but never understood. You explain this so well.

[@jamesjmhumphreys]

This woman is my new guru.

[@IanSolano]

Simple yet so effective! I do this and have done so for many years with great success! Sometimes, however the message does not get through and it's at that point where you decide if you can continue and put up with this behavior or not.

[@shashamarie4760]

Susan!!: This post just saved me from a prospective disaster. Your wisdom gets me through the day and gives me so much hope. God bless you, and thank you. 💜

[@ellewonderful7145]

I need this so i can stop being as confrontational

[@terrilee734]

Thanks for the video. Being non confrontational and staying calm is what I need to work on.

[@brettsmith970]

There are buttons begging to be undone here with the greatest of respect and will for positive movement of humanity 👍

[@pauladsilva9374]

I gave cookies.... for all good behavior... got nothing back...... my problem was not the method... I just picked a bad apple to give my cookies to 😢

[@shashamarie4760]

Paula: I know what you mean. I've done the same. Has anything been better? I hope God has blessed you.

[@SnookOnTheFly]

Same here

[@ruggedlifejewelry]

Same. why don't they care?

[@kamran.i]

While I did everything and never got my cookies and if there bad behaviour effected me I would ignore it and they will pin me to talk about it like they wouldn't even realise that they did or said something bad and just when they pull you into talking they making it all about them that u make them feel bad or you embarass them like there is nothing in them that needs to be corrected

[@Jwockee]

If you got nothing back, how is that good behavior? You don’t reward if they don’t reciprocate.

[@lucyjones955]

Spot on perfect Susan! You nailed this one. It's something I need to practice. Thank You!!!

[@SusanWinter]

Lucy Jones hi there! Great to see your comment. It’s a smart idea to have several solutions to an issue- that way, we have a choice depending on our disposition and the circumstances. Thanks for your note. 😊

[@mhillaxeman]

This advice is best used for minor issues where ignoring/detachment is not going to enable destructive behaviors...like she says, pick your battles.

[@tonylopez5014]

Thank you for a direct path to being more loving to our ourselves and helping our partners know what we want.

[@SusanWinter]

Beautiful message, Tony. Thank you.

[@day_dreamer_]

Susan I love your videos! I try retracting but then he tries to hook me back in with positive behavior but then resorts to the bad behavior again....often right away....I've made it clear what I need....He knows...and when I really draw the line and pull back because I say I'm not getting my needs met he makes himself out to be the victim and play the "poor me card, my love isn't good enough for you". So there's no space for me to get my needs met, it becomes all about him and his needs and everything he gave. He's wounded....recovering from narcissistic abuse...I've tried to show up for him but I also need someone to show up for me and he just can't....I end up feel undervalued and kind of used, and when I tell him that he doesn't seek to correct it just retreats saying I don't like him and think bad things about him.... I know he doesn't mean to... but hurt people hurt people.

[@parrotshootist3004]

How about stop treating him like a thing to be moulded. Then accept him as he is. Or not.

[@sherriflemming3218]

He sounds selfish and the victim card is a common emotional manipulation. Don't reward bad behavior.

[@niiskuneitiBANAANI]

I actually figured this out today, just before i watched this video. :D I was thinking I accept his bad behaviour and forgive too easily. I told him I need my time away from him. I back off from his cycle of toxic behaviour and fake apologies. I don't have to deal with that shit.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Absolutely not. Hope you are doing good these days i know you wrote this a long time ago. Your comment is helpful. Thank you.

[@andresoropeza90]

Ok, I found your channel last week and it's helped me a loooot! Thank u!

[@SR77736]

I gave a lot of cookies but my relationship was still crap. I realized withdrawal would've been good versus talking. They would withdrawal just to punish and I didn't want them to feel the pain the issued. They were very punitive and it wasn't even for things I did wrong. Just when they got offended. Now I'm seeing rhay doing this when needed is best rather than overdoing it to have control like they did. Caused anxiety. Good advice.

[@firehorse9996]

This is exactly how you discipline a cat. Felines don't respond well to scolding the way dogs do, so you only focus on reinforcing the positive behaviour. And cats are much easier to live with than men anyways!

[@rcpat2616]

My husband has an avoidant personality, so he just ignores and avoids any conflict what so ever. I'm a fixer. Ugh!

[@ruggedlifejewelry]

mine too :( how can we get them to be aware of it so they'll realize it is harmful?

[@thetruther9521]

He avoids conflict because you probably overreact Everytime he tries to tell you how he feels . Stop always thinking about your feelings all the time and actually consider his .

[@Mushroom321-]

You are my favorite female & relationship expert. Keep it up! Such wisdom in your videos & great explaining... 😃😼❤

[@shayleenwebb4021]

So profound, I must watch this again. This insight is impeccable. Thank You Susan Winters! To the moon and back! ❤😘

[@kkenason8728]

Excellent advice also low stress , better than arguing or debating

[@Lena65289]

I love your wisdom. It´s soooo helpful! Thank you very much!

[@irinarogozhina3071]

Susan, you are very inspiring. I have learnt a lot about how to keep my relationships blooming, including the one with my teen daughter - isn't it funny? Thanks for your work!

[@ruggedlifejewelry]

I'm going to try this. It hasn't seemed to help. Sometimes I think if the person is so into their own headspace they aren't affected by how you respond. I'll try it more dramatically this time though :) Thanks for your videos

[@liftingconsciousnessacademy]

Nice approach you have.

[@chriseleuterius]

Great video as usual! Thank you Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

Big C thanks!!

[@etherealdeal1792]

Praise, reinforce what u want to grow, starve what you want to die. Thanks a lot!

[@Jessica-zf2df]

I'm just starting out with a new guy I met on Facebook a week ago. He's a bit over the top with all the texting (good morning, goodnight, sweet dreams etc) and calling me endearments like my lovely, my darling etc. I've been wondering how to deal with this as it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable so early and after barely two dates. I'm not good at telling people cos I don't want to upset them so I'm using this reward, starve technique. I don't reply to any sugary texts but respond to a normal 'good morning' . I like this guy and really hope he will get the message and reign in the love bombing.

[@swatig7223]

This video is fantastic - thank you!

[@genna2586]

Reinforce the positive is a great tool and strategically talk about topics that you don’t agree is also something to do. Timing is everything. Can you talk about timing in communication and when to talk about your dreams and goals? Thanks

[@eddajustice8345]

Thanks for the positive advice

[@kaitlyngraves9140]

Thank you so much for this.

[@WellStyledImages]

You’re wonderful! Thank you ⭐️

[@Across_The_Ocean_Story]

What if it is my partner who withdraws after doing something bad/disrespectful/being mean or whatever? My husband always withdraws after acting like a jerk. He puts himself in a position of a victim. For example, he will ignore me and go watch tv and then fall asleep on the couch for a few hours in the middle of the day. Aldo usually when I get upset and withdraw he either does the same and doesn't talk or he pretends/acts like nothing happened. So frustrating.

[@jupiter-walk5461]

I'm a guy and one of the best thing I learn about us men is that, we men, when we get mad, go silent when we are angry. Usually that controls our anger/ rage instead of bursting out and yelling. Although it isnt healthy. If it's possible, try to see if you and him can spend time together like watching a show or movie at home on the couch together. If possible, try to have a neutral conversation about your relationship and what you dont like/ love and how you wanna change that. I'm not an relationship expert but these are my opinion for you to think about. The things you can talk about fi you're connect with him would be something like "baby, I dont like how you act... when you're mad and it hurts me and I dont want to feel that, I want to feel love and connected to you. Can we find a way to solve this? I want a healthy relationship with you." Something like that, in a positive tone. Also mention that you have issue as well so that he won't be so mad at you or angrily say "what about you? You make me mad!" Say that you have problems too and want to work it out together. Hope this helps, as I said before this is just my opinion that you should consider since I'm not a relationship expert.

[@sharathsuma7556]

Excellent suggestion , Susan . Its amazing how you come up with these great ideas . If I try recollecting those instances where I was appreciated , I always make it a point to keep up that behavior and not let myself down . If I consider myself in the receptors shoes , I can only agree that I do get corrected by those cookies . There is a challenge though that I would request you to kindly address in case you too feel that as a potential challenge . That is " do we need to modify something in this technique when you are dealing with an alpha partner " My partner is an alpha woman and as we all know things are a bit tricky while dealing with them . They are extremely busy and its really a treasure to get some quality time with them . From my brief experience I could make out that its always better not to question her decisions , be supportive even if you don't agree with her and always be there for her and make her feel special . Doesn't mean that I have to lead a passive life , she do support my aspirations wholeheartedly and want me to grow along with her and she appreciate me putting efforts towards it . Taking an example , Earlier I didn't care ,much about my dressings but after getting close to her I started realizing what she appreciates and when I tried putting efforts towards it , dressing according to the occasions , she started asking me to accompany her for most of the functions and parties . I could sense that she appreciated what I am doing and going forward I was motivated in continue doing the same . When it comes to the other way round , I found it better to always treat her with a smile , even if she comes home late from work . I do not know what situations she might be going through in office and there will be tough days . So even if I wouldn't be happy when she comes home late , I make it a point to greet her with a smile and carry her inside . That always makes her feel better . Almost all the time I listens to her actively and appreciates whatever she does and always make it a point to let her know that she is very special to me . I find it a bit challenging to give less attention if there is something that is not much to my liking . May be if I try to connect to your words well , on few occasions I can do it this way ...I can express my extreme happiness and tell her how happy I feel seeing her return home early . However I am anticipating few challenges in other cases especially implementing this technique if your partner is an alpha woman . Since I was focusing on building a very good and happy life , I keep putting efforts retrospecting am I going right or is there anything on which I can improve . I did check on your related post about dealing with alpha woman and let me try doing the right things and work on myself . Few days down the line I will just consolidate my experiences and share it with you on your video post " dealing with an alpha woman " . Let me take sometime so that I have better clarity so that I can request you to address a precise situation or challenges . Thank you , Susan .

[@SusanWinter]

HI SHARATH. You're "text book perfect" as a man. You are sensitive to your mates feelings, and you communicate your necessary information while also being aware of how 'they will feel' as they hear it. I commend all that you do, and the underlying desire to please your mate. I think you've got your home life covered perfectly. I'd keep your long-term career goals in focus and continue to apply yourself on creating a dynamic life for yourself and for your mate. I love reading your inputs. Thank you so much for being a part of my KZbin family!!!

[@sharathsuma7556]

Dear Susan , The pleasure is all mine . I am deeply humbled , thank you for accepting me as part of your family . Your words really motivate me , Susan, and infact it propels me to keep trying for that extra mile . I wouldn't be where I am if not for your guidance and the support of my better half, Suma . I am grateful to both of you . The greatest gift that I got from both of you is the following learnigs and I continue to learn . A healthy relationship is dynamic. Not only does it evolve over time, but certain of its best elements ebb and flow with the seasons of the year and the seasons of our lives. Right now, Suma and I are in a wonderful period of our lives. My work schedule will be relaxed in coming months, and I want to channel much of my free time into activities and passions that focus on making us closer and making her happy . I have been even more deeply devoted to her as of late, and outward expressions of my affection for her are constant reminders of my passionate and always growing love. In turn, she has indulged me with an intensity and frequency of her own affections and she knows that these make me feel loved in ways that nothing else can match. After all, affection takes many forms. We have gotten to the point we are in our own relationship because we trust each other enough to communicate openly. We have built upon this trust by being open and responsive to what each other needs and wants most from the marriage. We have put our own best interests ahead of convention and tradition, and we have been rewarded with a relationship rich in emotion, mutual respect, and very genuine love and affection. At the same time I would like to stay grounded and take this opportunity to thank all those people who showered their wishes and blessings on us . I would also like to consider myself lucky and not take my luck for granted . I have a request to all our friends over here and that is to kindly , Follow your hearts, abandon your fears, and find what Suma and I have found together. One thing , I am happy about myself is that I always took your advices and suggestions wholeheartedly and tried to practice with a positive attitude and belief , and I am being rewarded . Hence I will take some credit - but would like to take only 1% of the credit . Rest all belong to the great people who guided me at the right time with right suggestions . Thank you , Sharath

[@SusanWinter]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU Sharath. You've really got the correct foundation for a dynamic, growth-filled relationship. I love your philosophy, and your entire perspective. So happy for you and Suma. Sending you both a huge electronic hug!

[@lailaknight6620]

Thank you, Susan, and what is the difference between withdrawing as you said in this particular situation, and passive-aggressive behavior? How can one withdraw without a passive-aggressive mood? Thank you. Love

[@frankieann1686]

Your brilliant Susan thanks so much for your help xxx

[@NW-pt8zz]

Actions speak louder than words

[@josenavas9968]

Ms Winters; very good advise. I have been at a lost or better said I'm scared to say anything because to get the boot out of my safe secure place to live. But in truth in her own words "you have been the best person to rent to and I would hate to lose you" Soooo I was love bomb within two weeks of my moving in, I mean EVERYTHING was being offered. Then the hot and cold then the fade began. Soooo I expect after 10 months of living here the discard sooner or later? For now remaining silent until the right time to leave quietly so as not to get blackmail or start hearing from the Me2 people. I mostly feel sad but know I must go ASAP

[@theadviser123]

Backing off is an excellent logical and natural consequence. Topic idea. What to do when you've met someone you feel very connected to on a spiritual level, but they lie a lot and manipulate. I know everyone does to some degree. But, how much is acceptable? What do you do with it?

[@nqobilentuli4244]

Elizabeth Will leave them immediately

[@jayy2trillt.v338]

Thank you.

[@rachelefalcone5892]

This is great advice!

[@alcudiababe1]

I love your Advice. To be honest I subscribed because you are very interesting, insightful and just plain awesome. Keep posting! 😁 Xx

[@boomerangsruckflug8513]

Thank you, Susan. A great video a always! I'd be happy to have someone to try that technique on him 😉 ...and yes, on Facebook I'm the one with the red cap 😄

[@del7920]

Can you do this with your friends? My friend has started calling me names and name calling is something I do not tolerate but I don’t want confrontation because it often is destructive when it comes to me.

[@tima1443]

What if it’s an ongoing ocurrence that they ruffle your feathers and they just think you’re being dramatic/annoying with what ticked you off ?

[@aBetterMove]

But it is generally accepted that withholding or withdrawing affection is unhealthy. You say be our best selves; don't play games. Withdrawing avoids problemsolving communication and they may be secure in their own space. So this idea makes no sense to me - it sounds counterproductive where the partner involved has bad habits/fearful-avoidant tendencies. How can we square these opposing concepts?

[@in-oz]

I do think the comparison with dog training is unfortunate. Nobody wants an inferior partner, or to be considered inferior. There must be a way to do this while being transparent and respectful.

[@starkraven2677]

Well I just NOW realized my girl was doing this weeks ago. I thought she was cheating and or lost interest. It’s definitely unhealthy

[@shashamarie4760]

I think what peta is trying to say, pardon me if I'm speaking wrongly for you, is that it becomes a sorda emotional abuse. Withdrawing when it comes to problem solving, in my opinion, is NEVER good. It's comparable to silent treatment and ghosting; however, I believe Susan is speaking about choosing your battles. Sometimes I may need to step back, breathe, pray. (Something I am working on.) Can I get a hallelujah on that one. 💜👍🙏

[@TJY025]

Confident wise woman. Love u

[@meganlangley6312]

Great advice 👍

[@kate9653]

Having a severely emotionally (and mentally) unbalanced mother role model who said whatever rude, hurtful, mean, nagging thought was on her mind. It has been hard as a now adult and mother to have an understanding of emotional intelligence. Just recognizing an emotion without having to scream it to whoever I can put blame on the second it crosses my mind (my mothers favorite thing to do).

[@olivebiz6574]

I have a question is it bad to want to know where you partner is all day? If you guys live together and he never really says what he is doing or where he is going? Is it bad to just want him to go to work and come home? I was in a very abusive marriage I was cheated on and mentally battered before and I feel like I carry a lot of insecurities and it has been affecting my ability to have good relationships. What should I do or what video do you recommend I watch?

[@ava-jl1ll]

How do you “retract” when it’s a long-distance relationship (temporarily)?

[@darkoshmarko]

Eva L I need the answer to this as well !

[@Face007alpha]

When they reach out the first time let it ring

[@realgoddess92]

Noone is really going to answer properly to this 😦

[@Veilfire]

Don't text back right away and when they call again say you were busy.

[@narcoff6676]

You are amazing! Very much appreciate your wisdom:) xx

[@carolinaflaxman6740]

This is awesome very helpful thanks Susan!!:)

[@SusanWinter]

So glad!

[@dbedazzling1]

She's so classy

[@payingm010]

Can you talk about partners who use passive agression. Maybe even people you date or have dated using passive aggression when theyre not getting attention. Whats a good response? Where does it come from? How to deal? Thank you!

[@SusanWinter]

Pa Ying Moua great topic. I just wrote it down. Thank you!

[@inspirasiimaginasi]

Very wise and insightful. Appreciate this. I started doing this recently to my spouse after more than 15 years of marriage. So, after my temporary withdrawal, what to do next? Who should come around first? Me (the one who was offended, the one who 'adjudicated' the situation), or my spouse (the one who acted out and offended her husband)? The next phase is a bit tricky.

[@redlady935]

I was wanting this to be about oneself not about others. I guess this indicates the kind of blame society we live in.

[@imanbrown4274]

Thanks for everything ❤️✨ amazing

[@SusanWinter]

iman brown thank you. I appreciate your kind words.

[@catvasquez7760]

How do I correct a ghosting situation with my boyfriend? I want to discuss our relationship and he doesn’t like talking on the phone, and when we see each other in person, we have a great time and forget to discuss anything we planned on. When I text him with any issues, or if we get to a bump in the road, he will ghost, and always expect me to apologize. This has been cyclical for the past month...and his ghosting episodes have become longer, first 2 days, now up to 5 days or more😳 I feel like I can’t have open communication with him anymore, and it’s frustrating. And deteriorating our relationship

[@OpeningSalvo]

I'm in a similar situation. I have been in a long distance relationship with a girl for 5 years. Yes..long distance..for 5 years. We have met in person four times. Anyway, we have had our ups and downs, a fair few fights with lots of recrimination. To cut a long story short, she called me 2 weeks ago to talk about our issues. She seemed a lot more understanding than usual. By the time the conversation was over we were at peace. She said it wasn't necessarily over, and that she needed some space. That was fine with me. However, she has completely dropped off the face of the earth for the past two weeks. She's never online, on FB, YT or any of the other sites she frequents. None of her friends can get a hold of her. I have tried getting a hold of her by phone, but both her cell and landline have been disconnected. She no longer responds to emails or answers Skype calls. I called her place of work and they told me that she longer works there. I have repeatedly told her via email that if she does not wish to speak to me for some reason, I can accept that. But could she at least tell me that she is ok. I have received no replies. She has a congenital heart defect, and suffered a minor heart attack last year. So now I have all sorts of thoughts running through my head. I have no idea if she is ok or not. Or if I am simply being ghosted. If anyone could offer some advice it would be much appreciated.

[@nikki1492]

This what i need to work on myself !!!!

[@elliemclachlan1110]

Thank you for this video...I love all of your work and your advice is amazing! I am curious what you recommend to a women 27 dating a man 23 who is new to his career and financially immature! He doesn't offer to pay and allows me to cover way more than i am normally comfortable with. I do not mind if this is something temporary or if he is sincere about the relationship but I feel nervous he is using me and thinks this is "fun for now" and I do not have the time or money to waste on a situation like this...how do I figure out if this risk is worth taking? THANKYOU!

[@Amanda-kr3ss]

Thanks Susan

[@carolloraine223]

Self care for me is living without a man. I'll get a dog.😉 Thanks, you made great points!

[@kimberlygordon9961]

Carol Loraine I totally understand! Lol!

[@CashApp-HelpMeStayAlive]

Dating the wrong Men . I bet you would'nt say that if you was Dating ME.

[@AmericasGotweird]

Don't forget ur anti depression pills.... because statistics say the most saddest human in the US is a 40 year or older women , making 80K- 100k a year, she has one dog nd anti depression pills...we know how to spot who's truly miserable nd we stay away from yah lol

[@sherriflemming3218]

Being single you've got your peace and sanity.

[@myrahouse2368]

Do you have anything on how you could realise if your being ‘played’ departmentalised. Surly a player wants to make each of his ladies feel they are the only one?

[@Martha-LaMexa]

Omg you are so amazing thank you!!💕🏆💕

[@josenavas9968]

Ms Winters; yes I do agree with you to find a solution would be ideal. But to me the best way IS to not ignore her but to limit the contract and in that I'm hoping things will go smoother?

[@janebraun4482]

Just watch about ghosting and telling them off! Here upon being ghosted it would seem like not to do that! So I am not going to, I'll just keep it nice and positive.

[@bettyboo3075]

Thank you

[@georgemurungi7641]

Superb

[@lindeycoombs6148]

Susan I dated someone who kept canceling and rescheduling dates, I gave him 3 weeks to figure out if we were on the same sheet of music he opted to stop seeing each other. We live in a small town and when I see him out he is all over me, he's told me that he loves me several times, and interferes or pulls me away when I'm talking with other men. I never approach him or go to him he is doing the chasing. He isn't getting anything from me and none of this is followed up with texts or phone calls. What is going on?? Can u decipher this behavior. He got divorced a year ago and I think he doesn't like the idea of commitment even though we had great chemistry and he always treated me well. U told him next time I saw him out I would leave so he can make this transition, but he begged me not to do that and apologized for his behavior

[@evka24]

maybe he does not want you and he does not want you to have someone else. simply immature. if he wanted he would go after you or at least spoke to you honestly and said he is not ready for full commitment etc. move on don't wonder too much. some men want to keep back ups.

[@cesarbrown2074]

She's the best

[@tarashan5465]

When i “ignore” he does silent treatment ... for a long time and i have to go back to him again and same cycle every time.🙄

[@debasmitadewan3931]

someone please respond to this. I faced similar situation

[@LovelornLoveThorns]

Leave. This is not a relationship but a one sided pursuit

[@ohfoff]

Hello ma'am, still need topic ideas? How about: How do we let someone be/feel sorry? i.e. leave a person alone to do the deep transformation and FEEL genuinely sorry. Without this, how on earth can someone come back to you with a heartfelt sorry? And, even more important, follow that up her/himself with 1) a strategy/plan to make sure s/he never does the harm/mistake again = sincerity / sincere change and 2) offers (and asks you) ways to MAKE IT RIGHT for you. i.e. talk is cheap; actions speak louder than words. BUT.... even if we know what a real sincere sorry needs to look like, if we've been conditioned to spare others the pain of facing themselves - or even forced into that as children, say - then how do we FEEL, or KNOW, that it's not only okay to LET someone be sorry... it's GOOD for them. And us. So.... how does this feel? what might it look like? how long is long enough? How do you know? What are you supposed to do, or not do? (especially if withdrawing yourself feels unfun or sad)? And so on... Was that a helpful topic; what do you think? Thanks for the realness. Keep up the good work, Susan :) :)

[@perryh.5306]

How about if you don't want to correct bad behavior?

[@Creating2413]

What if your partner doesnt understand that they did something wrong and just thinks you're upset?

[@jnrcinema1]

You’re amazing

[@OpeningSalvo]

I have been in a long distance relationship with a girl for 5 years. Yes..long distance..for 5 years. We have met in person four times. Anyway, we have had our ups and downs, a fair few fights with lots of recrimination. To cut a long story short, she called me 2 weeks ago to talk about our issues. She seemed a lot more understanding than usual. By the time the conversation was over we were at peace. She said it wasn't necessarily over, and that she needed some space. That was fine with me. However, she has completely dropped off the face of the earth for the past two weeks. She's never online, on FB, YT or any of the other sites she frequents. None of her friends can get a hold of her. I have tried getting a hold of her by phone, but both her cell and landline have been disconnected. She no longer responds to emails or answers Skype calls. I called her place of work and they told me that she longer works there. I have repeatedly told her via email that if she does not wish to speak to me for some reason, I can accept that. But could she at least tell me that she is ok. I have received no replies. She has a congenital heart defect, and suffered a minor heart attack last year. So now I have all sorts of thoughts running through my head. I have no idea if she is ok or not. Or if I am simply being ghosted. If anyone could offer some advice it would be much appreciated.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Jesus i could not imagine being in that situation. Hope you are well these days.

[@gregoryadler7806]

This is how you train a child...or a dog. You could try a shock collar too. If you flipped this around and said that this is how to correct a woman then you’d have an uproar.

[@killerqueen1974]

I see that my tool box was pretty dysfunctional in my last relationship.

[@leorosa]

Susan how can you tell if someones just not overt in explaining things or showing through actions, seems passive or just is plain using you and not just being non-participative?

[@RichmondStar510]

Explain Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde type of men. Idk what to think when my partner ugly side arises smh

[@SusanWinter]

Perhaps your partner has anger issues, lots of internal stress, and his own set of fears. All that testosterone can really do some damage to a relationship when the man is not balanced and in control of his own emotions.

[@bushrasufian6479]

Hey could you comment on how to tell if your partner is lying to you and if he is narcicist??

[@Zhaturianvisionz]

This is gold

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks Dale.

[@margarita0422]

Susan my bf tends to lose his temper when we sit and talk, he gets loud and disrespectful , now I know I have to withdrawal and leave from the bad situation but he says there's Ana excuse for his wrong doing ... so once I Said I was breaking up he reevaluated himself and said sorry and your right etc but I want him to get counseling or go to couples therapy. What do you recommend? Thank you ! Your videos have helped!!!

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Ori. Go to counseling. This is wonderful. It's always a good choice to try everything before ending a relationship. That way, you never have to second guess your choice. Best wishes!

[@margarita0422]

Susan Winter I agree ☺️

[@kassandrapemberton9236]

I think that my guy saw these vidios on my phone as he wennt in to search. For music. Were kind of broken up am not sure if he did but, I think so

[@SusanWinter]

It might be a good conversation started. For example, mentioning a vidoe you watched and why could open up a dialogue for resolving an issue.

[@kassandrapemberton9236]

Yes ok thanks for your response, that make sense, I am just a lil scard hell think am trying to manipulate him. But yes I can and will discuss it thank you very much

[@va7046]

Is silent treatment included in this?

[@TheUltimateLauren]

Does this also apply to non romantic relationships

[@alexmac6487]

What about behavior when your spouse is constantly on phone messaging, complimenting, even flirting at times with co workers and past friends, exes?? I don't condone that behavior and if I never say anything it would continue and it did at one point where it was getting, in my eyes to where it was emotionally cheating. It has slowed down dramatically because I said something quite often over the last couple of years. We've tried counseling. I think I should just move on?

[@carolloraine223]

Alex Mac Shouldn't have to tell someone you're not good with texting exes, etc over a course of 2 years. They'll go from emotional to all out hands on. Don't waste another minute..get out and never look back. Save yourself from inevitable grief!! A voice of experience! 😉

[@feelinflush3470]

What if your partner fears intimacy and the bad behavior is their way of keeping you distant?

[@SusanWinter]

That's not healthy. I suggest looking for partner who isn't afraid of Love.

[@nataliamirochnitchenko8152]

You’re the best