How to date, mate, and find fulfillment | Helen Fisher & more

[@GreyCrowe]

I'm pretty busy with food and shelter at the moment

[@expeditioner9322]

Not busy enough tho.

[@GreyCrowe]

​@@expeditioner9322i'm cooking breakfast actually

[@sagarpandey456]

Wht u cooking?

[@osamaqtaitat]

Lol

[@GreyCrowe]

​@@sagarpandey456eggs, toast w olive oil

[@AndresBarrosMusic]

Helen Fisher's book "Why Him, Why Her?" boils things down to "finding a suitable partner is a matter of matching with the one whose 2 main hormones complement yours" (overly simplified, but bear with me). Emily Nagoski's book "Come As You Are" says hormones like testoterone have nothing to do with it. Maybe a debate between them would be interesting? Big Think staff?

[@tnn-cj3vy]

to say hormones have nothing to do with it would be wrong, but they're not all that it boils down to. other things that matter include personal preferences based on past experiences, personality, upbringing, environment, social context, and all that constructs your essence as a person

[@katekleinfit]

unfortunately dr. fisher passed away in august

[@kristinhess1704]

This is one of my favorite Big Thinks. Such an important topic. Such an essential conversation, largely absent. And Emily is the epitomy of a top-notch speaker, educator, advocate; just a rock-star level type of gal. I love just knowing that she's out there teaching every day. Bang-up job.

[@gregvanpaassen]

The obsessions with self and sex are the curses of the age. Give to your community.

[@elbretto6062]

@@gregvanpaassen you took the lyrics straight out of my songbook.

[@michellecook-hill]

She gets more beautiful as she ages. The epitome of a Sage. Thank you, Helen.

[@CalculusDaddy]

When it's someone's mind and not their body that attracts, they die a supermodel.

[@Shaftalooooo]

And more experience as well. Having relationship with older women who know their stuff is out of the way of water.

[@aboveaverage3748]

Yes, adults, you need money to have your best possible relationship. Money pays for meal dates, transportation, and everything else. You can have a relationship without such means, but there will be additional stress. Women are often attracted to confidence. Even if you don't feel that you are worthy of being a clothing model, you can exercise and practice strength training regularly. Plenty of women are attracted to muscular men, and this should increase your confidence. Most humans are attracted to honesty, reliability, kindness, openness and loyalty. If she is attracted to traits in opposition of the ones I just mentioned, maybe consider someone else. Women are looking for partners they can survive with, raise healthy children with, have stimulating conversations with. Do what you can to improve yourself mentally, physically and spiritually or philosophically. Be patient. Learn. Grow. If you are overzealous, it may lead to dishonesty. You should be authentic from the moment you meet. Don't portray yourself to be someone you aren't. It could cause serious issues later in the relationship when she finds out you were putting on a front. Relax, be yourself, and have a good time.

[@EntertainingRunner-vd3bn]

This is something that isn't talked about. Like how is someone supposed to date if they are broke, or don't have a Car in a society where Cars are like nessessary at this point. How do you date if you don't have your own place, if everyone expects you to have a Car, Money, a Private space, and of course, non-existent dating experience.

[@vazgen_ai]

And what are the requirements for a woman?

[@johnwinkowski3154]

​@@EntertainingRunner-vd3bn My recommendation for someone in their 20s who is broke, carless, etc.? Single moms 30+ openly looking for short-term fun. Since you're not a potential stepdad, those "expectations" you list suddenly aren't as important anymore. She'll always have her own place to go back to with you, and the familiarity can help her feel safer and more relaxed. She might want you out in the morning before her kid gets back from their sleepover and avoid any unnecessary questions, so there's usually a cap on how much time you need to put in. It's not long-term, so you just need enough money for one or two dates (and maybe subsequent booty-call Ubers). You're younger, which is a sexual plus and a big ego boost for her. She's obviously had sex at least one time, and usually at that age a woman is pretty comfortable and experienced with sex. I think you'd also be surprised how many single moms LOVE the idea of being a young guy's first and showing him the ropes. They are at their sexual peaks but also have that nurturing side activated, so being young and inexperienced on a guys' end makes for an interesting pairing. As a bonus they usually have lots of snacks, too lol. You're not really doing it to "date", but you still get the social and sexual experience for actual dating later on. Fwiw, I was in that *exact* situation in my 20s and single moms did the trick for me.

[@abigaelbalbuena1917]

Fantastic take. Every male has their work cut out for them. Now, as someone posted below, what's the other side's work to do look like after this list?

[@opencase9903]

Interesting. You started this comment with "Adults" but the rest of it was advice to men ;) maybe it's not a message to adults, but to men? Which would mean women don't have as much asked of them, but you don't want to admit that.

[@chiaracalvo4818]

The clarity Emily Nagoski talks with is so soothing

[@missbabycakes8222]

I'm a 40 year old woman and when I tell you I've been saying this my entire life it's crazy! I've always said my vagina will not work if we're not emotionally and psychologically in tuned with one another. It won't work lol.. Thank you ladies for finally confirming what I've always known❤❤❤

[@chrisw7347]

You're right, but the problem is, the world is now a place where women's psychology almost guarantees that a woman will not be in tuned emotionally and psychologically. Or this tuning will gradually fade away. And this is a problem, because a man is sort of the opposite, there isn't this extremely high bar for emotional and psychological attunement. Once a man is in a relationship with you, he is about as comfortable as he gets, and this doesn't really change wildly. The penis is going to work pretty reliably, generally speaking. Someone may say things like ED are widespread, but I think that's also at least partly in the context of the prior problem. What that means is in plain terms is that if sex was more of a mutual cooperation game for couples, rather than "Sorry babe, I'm not feeling it tonight"(with the fine print of "I'm feeling less and less emotionally/psychologically attuned so my vagina isn't working), then there would be less male anxiety and less ED. Sex would be a relief rather than a worry for men who are so strongly wired for wanting to physically bond with their partner and never knowing if it'll be weaponized against them or just callously denied. I think if there isn't a two-way compromise where both parties put in work(Even before a relationship happens, I'm talking about even during the process of meeting someone and being open to meet someone), then people are just going to miserable. Women will be unhappy because they will believe there are just no men to be emotionally/psychologically attuned with or their husbands and boyfriends will fall out of their attunement and women will think the problem is purely external, and then men will also be miserable because they'll all be lonely, without girlfriends, without sex whether in or out of a relationship. This basically turns the world into a dumpster fire. The key point is a woman's happiness and a man's happiness are interconnected-- both have to work for the other, and understand the other, or things are doomed.

[@Jay-el9iz]

​@@chrisw7347 Your argument is way too binary and reductive, and fulfillment for humans doesn't rely solely on one, romantic relationship.

[@missbabycakes8222]

@@chrisw7347 you're right on some points but that's why emotional intelligence is very important

[@chrisw7347]

@@missbabycakes8222 Sure, it goes both ways. The main reason all working relationships work I think is people aren't self-absorbed, they have some kind of attunement/effort/posture towards the other person, and are willing to solve their partners problems as their own problems. If that is generally one sided, it's harder to call it a "working relationship" even though it can appear that way if one person is fixing everything. Women have a lot of power to fix and heal things, but the responsibility is usually thrown mostly on men. To be clear, I would never 'blame' women for this, because anything about either men and women that causes them to mess relationships up, would not be something they chose or authored. All we can really do is acknowledge problems exist and try our best to solve them however we can. If someone has that attitude, they have the best odds. The farther they are from that attitude, the more likely they are to be unhappy, no matter how rich, how beautiful, strong, smart, young, etc.

[@chrismaxwell1624]

That's the same for me as man. Not sure if emotionally and psychologically but my brain has to activated and that could be emotionally, psychologically. I'm not really sure. All I do know if that if my brain isn't turn on my sexual desire is not there.

[@HouseOfAliShali]

That bit about Christianity and monogamy was an eye opener

[@josiahamaze]

Men we need women. Dont give up kings. You deserve a queen and she deserves you. Also Betterhelp is trash. Speaking from experience. I just choose to believe the right thoughts and ive healed so many areas of my life over the past couple years. You got this kings and to any ladies reading this I appreciate you all you lovely babes.

[@cseptember6562]

Women openly say that they dont need us though.

[@rheanarula9643]

❤

[@cseptember6562]

Women openly say that they dont need men though...

[@josiahamaze]

@cseptember6562 That doesn't seem fair to women to say that. Seems like we haven't been fair any many areas.

[@cseptember6562]

@@josiahamaze Its fair because a lot of them also say it with no pushback. And its not that guys are giving up for no reason. A lot of us have 0 options and its harder than ever now to date. Especially if you are younger

[@spaceshipastro]

made me remember my ex friend that I loved, when he rejected me he said: "I will make u hate me!" in a way to make me stop loving him and be just friends or leave him alone.. uneducated person, he made me think that I am a stalker and a obsessed to a dangerous level which I wasn't, so glad to see a great person and prof here like Helen give people who are like me respect. thank u prof!

[@Mr.Saiful]

Very deep video I have to watch this video twice Thank you Bigthink for making this video ❤

[@matthewschuessler4422]

Turn the freaking music down

[@sencrew5293]

Nah this music hittin rn

[@skinnyprince]

😂😂😂

[@reddevil211287]

Yes pls it’s painfully hipster

[@Thinkonthebrightside]

No for real I couldnt understand deeply because of the mental stimulation it gives me 😭

[@Kiarash.karami]

Oh, so annoying 😑

[@neon_nana]

I agree with the supernatural part cuz it IS a miracle for all of us to find a right partner and it feels miraculous when we see someone eye to eye. You can never forget that experience: the connection. - but I agree with the process can be scientifically proven too!

[@jmipraimundo]

yes but not only 1 when you have 8 billion... sorry

[@henrimilo1]

Loneliness is growing in all age groups. The shift from agricultural society which favours fertility to a post-industrial society with efficient medecine and an unprecedented human numbers growth is disorienting people very deeply.

[@rafa0907]

This video frees me from like 10 beliefs I had about sex, thank you for bringing this video, and thanks for beeing free. knowledge is freedom

[@salaltschul3604]

ALWAYS. Knowledge is ALWAYS freedom. Expand your consciousness as far as it'll go. Good for you for being humble enough to be willing to be challenged and to change your mind.

[@l01230123]

The comment section is WILD. Y'all need hugs or something. 😅✌

[@invox9490]

I think what we all need is SEX. 😬

[@RenéSaussy]

I don’t see anything wild? What’s going on?

[@Kavaitsu]

Where is the hug

[@l01230123]

​@@RenéSaussy Well, there's that recent comment about necro and r@pe, people saying the speakers are mentally I'll, and blatant sexism.

[@l01230123]

​@@Kavaitsu🫂 That's the best I can do from an internet away 😅

[@AnnaC330]

So appreciative for this collage video that help us build and maintain one of *the* most relationships in our lives. Thank you BigThink!!!

[@sueyoungg_]

Nah the dual control model really blew my mind. Thank you!

[@B.Whittaker]

“Mental health care is a necessity 😄… but, you have to pay for it like it’s a commodity… here’s 10% off! 🤑”

[@marsdriver2501]

what are you even talking about, is food free?

[@elbretto6062]

@@marsdriver2501 food is free for some gents.

[@getmeout449]

therapist no go chop

[@SlickNick98]

If u hunt for food it's free and water is free same with oxygen​@@marsdriver2501

[@SlickNick98]

​@@marsdriver2501growing food is free too

[@CafeLu]

Love the insight about responsive desire vs spontaneous desire!

[@GetToZeeChoppa]

Emily Nagoski absolutely nails it here. I stood up and clapped. 👏👏👏

[@x2oChannel]

Very interesting talk, but background music is a bit too loud and competing with my tinnitus 😅

[@lalakuma9]

I feel like the problem with coming up with a theory of "why him, why her" is that love and attraction to another person very often doesn't go both ways. I think scientists should ask why one person could feel so strongly attracted to someone, but that other person doesn't feel the same "chemistry".

[@mudasarhyder]

i have a exam in just 3 hours and i haven't read the course completly but still here dont know why !!!!!!!

[@erinc492]

Big Think, as much as I like your videos, I can’t believe you’ve accepted BetterHelp as a sponsor. Especially after everything they’ve done

[@AndradaBalteanu]

What did they do?

[@TMK1450]

@@AndradaBalteanu Apparently they have done "everything". Looks and feels like a bad-will campaign though... mental health is a very difficult arena, I give them that!

[@AndradaBalteanu]

@@TMK1450 haven't found what they did...

[@TMK1450]

@@AndradaBalteanu me neither. Maybe @erinc492 can help?

[@sohu86x]

Takes literally 10 seconds to Google or KZbin it.​@@AndradaBalteanu

[@navineon4961]

Amazing video! Education truly worthy of modern days

[@alybeer4559]

Love the woman talking about poly X monogamy... completely disregarding that nowadays we don't talk about polygyny. It's not about men having multiple women. It's about decentralization of relationships. You can't really compare to men marrying 14 women... under 16... that s just off the point

[@jmipraimundo]

and also that it works better on the contrary for women to also have several partners...since before they were slaves to just one!

[@samaraisnt]

Yeah that was disturbing. No shit a man having 10 slaves, I mean underage “wives” (expendable brood mares) isn’t going to create a equal or happy society…umm? i thought we discovered that centuries ago!

[@umohluna]

Exactly, her segment was my least favorite and the least scientifically accurate. Also monogamy is not the biological standard and never has ever been. It’s only been customary maybe for the last 50 years or so. Men cheating has always been socially acceptable including in the Biblical sense. Frowned on but not that big of a deal. Different story for women. Women’s sexual fidelity was based on necessity not biology. The more societal and economic freedoms women have the more likely her cheating starts to increase and comes closer to how often men do it. It’s a matter of not getting stoned to death, outcast or assaulted rather than biology.

[@joao3547]

​​@@umohlunafor the last 50 years? You mean since the 70s? AHAHAHAHAHA where did you read that? Are you 13 years old? Polyamory doesn't work, never has, never will. People who pretend they're in happy throuples are deluded, depressed, stuck in bad mental habits and addicted to their fantasies. some fantasies are meant to remain in your imagination, as they don't translate well into real life.

[@Thesteadfast]

Ah so if it's the women having multiple partners at once than it's modern and healthy? There is much more support for her ideas than this one clip. Promiscuity hurts women (and men). There are individual exceptions but that doesn't justify normalizing it.

[@justa_stranger_]

Not sure if I agree with what Louise is saying, but I love the other two!

[@LouiseEnriconi]

I definitely don’t. Polyamory has nothing to do with polygyny

[@sunbather616]

We are in the vanity phase of Universe 25. It's so sad what the dating world has become. I genuinely feel like I left the last helicopter out of Vietnam. Think about what you can provide instead of what you deserve. Providing isn't always in the material. Advice coming from a stay at home dad with 2 kids.

[@jamontoast]

ironically i am living in vietnam right now in my mid 20s and dating has been pretty damn fruitful for me lmao. maybe at this point it's time to get the last chopper IN

[@salaltschul3604]

Providing is seldom material, as you know

[@Villanelle007]

This woman was the foremost expert on romantic love and sexuality. May she rest in peace.

[@KrisS447]

Great work 👏

[@emydpham]

With the way inflation, unemployment, and housing costs are looming in everybody’s wallet, soon, these love anecdotes will be what we only dream about and archived. Let’s call it the caveman love style: focus on food and shelter. 😅

[@SuperYogagirl]

💯

[@Justmegaming404]

Tbh Emily Nagoski could’ve done this whole vid. The others were great but what they resonated with me

[@troynix215]

Huh... I felt the same about Helen Fisher.

[@doctordhruv2595]

Everytime they mention Brain and simultaneously show a CT of lung and liver, it bothers me..

[@SuperYogagirl]

I can't even imagine how I could have the time or energy to focus on love and sex, lol 😂 I live in a city where rent is $3k for a one bedroom, food is sky high and living expenses. I envy the young people who can live in a high sex drive and put fun as a priority.

[@MarketWizard546]

Find someone you can split the costs with that you like and you can go at it like rabbits

[@Skochel]

Literally move. Life is not worth that level of suffering. Where i live (South MI), 3k is rent, all my bills and all the groceries I could ever want. We choose our suffering, therefore we choose our salvation

[@MarketWizard546]

@@Skochel hah I lived in southeast Michigan

[@Skochel]

@@MarketWizard546 it’s not bad, I grew up & currently live near A2. Lots of retirement/suburban housing with the focus shifting to family oriented education

[@sageofsixpaths98]

Look how everybody started lecturing what you should and shouldn't do. If she could've she would've.

[@TheKeirsunishi]

How do you find someone to do it with though?

[@BitterDawn]

By being genuine/authentic and a little brave.

[@ricardoconqueso]

Walk down the street with a crisp $100 dollar bill, flapping in the breeze

[@larry6597]

Too difficult, I'll just wait for my AI girlfriend. Hopefully they make it ultra realistic such that I have to skip Saturday's to watch reruns of that Ru Paul show

[@miftarisq2068]

​@@larry6597married?

[@glendakillough6726]

First thing is that should not be the goal. The goal should be the best version of yourself and a wonderful woman will see and become the apple of your eye. "Do it with" How romantic. I don't understand how women aren't just lined up around the corner for your attention. DAF

[@benjaminott6498]

Understanding which hormones are secreted in the brain for each of the 3 motivators makes a human resilient against them by being able to recognize when it’s happening. Then we can interrupt the process bc now we are cognizant of it. I hope the studying and publishing of this information is worth it and doesn’t lend to eugenics having the learned human reject the process due to lack of ignorance of it.

[@robertamorgado6908]

i'm very intrigued by your comment and the reasoning behind it. scientists have known which neurotransmitters (or lack thereof) are linked with depression, anxiety and other mental disorders for quite some time now, this type of data is widely publicized and yet it changes nothing, not without significantly understanding everything one could do to improve production (and various other processes) of such neurotransmitters, which is extremely difficult in and of itself. your comment implies that anyone with any type of mental disorder could read an article about the mechanics behind it and change them at will, as if these aren't autonomous processes. if thought alone could change the way the body reacts to illnesses then medicine wouldn't exist and we would simply think our way out of them, wouldn't we?

[@pedrosouza5599]

how do I get someone tho, it's been hard on the streets

[@kezzlish]

Friendly advice? Focus on yourself first, and the right partner will instinctively come to your life when you're ready. Why? Well, you'll see the better you feel and the more you are in peace with yourself, the more honest your self will show to the world. This at first might drive a lot of people away, but will leave room for the right people to see who you are beyond masks and judgment, and open the opportunity for the right person to see and accept you for who you are

[@RobbVance]

what about a system where the women got to have as many partners as they want, instead of focusing on the men having lots of partners?

[@antbotsquad6769]

Women take 9 months to give birth. It has a biological origin. Unfortunately it’s just the way it happened.

[@bigmo10]

Followed Emily on Twitter for years and now I know why 👍🏿

[@reyannejoylibrado9702]

Beautiful messages! Thank you! 🎉

[@amlilily]

I watched this video yeaaaars ago for the first time and forgot a lot of the informations: regardless, this us eye opening and it all makes so sense! I‘m glad these women are speaking up and are researching further on this important topic:)

[@Teh-Penguin]

Rest in peace, Mrs. Fisher.

[@opiniwise]

Damn , she's dead 😢

[@juliabrandolth4946]

that's really helpful actually

[@ZaharaReign]

Wow, thank you for sharing your study 📚

[@simonyoung1125]

that was very educational. thanks

[@rodrigocamacho8834]

"When you put the neutral and the romantic love on top of each other and cancel out what they have in common, you left on whats going in the brain when you madly in love, " She said. I don't have to be a scientist to know that this idea of encapsulating what romantic love is false. First, it seems too simplistic and idealistic to just deduct from a picture what the complex wiring is the brain doing for "love." I think Helen's idea of what is romantic love is is not complete, it is false to just depend and name love by looking at pictures and cancel each other and whatever left think that is love. It is too easy to be true, from history we have found that thing are way more complex than just simple thesis like Helen's.

[@brunoborce8951]

Helen Fisher’s theories on love, while insightful from a biological standpoint, often oversimplify the complexity of human relationships. By focusing mainly on neurochemistry, they can neglect the significant roles of culture, psychology, and context. Additionally, her research, largely based on dating site users, may not fully capture the global diversity of love. To understand love comprehensively, we need to integrate biological insights with broader sociocultural perspectives...

[@TRAVXIZ614]

The self-reporting in these comments is pretty hilarious, ngl

[@B.Whittaker]

The incels flocked in droves to this video. Probably got linked on 4chan lol

[@jurassicthunder]

​@@B.Whittaker"if i don't like your take on sexuality that means you're an incel" 😂

[@B.Whittaker]

@@jurassicthunder sexuality? No one is speculating on whether you’re gay or not lol

[@jurassicthunder]

​@@B.Whittakerthe whole video is about sex. are you trying to tell us something? don't be afraid I'm not homophobic like you.

[@jurassicthunder]

​@@B.Whittakerthe whole video is about sex. are you trying to tell us something? don't be afraid I'm not h-phobic like you.

[@CrescentPaws5000]

Why didn’t they address other forms of polyamory there other types besides polygamy like polycules or not just one guy a ton of women it’s not allways like that

[@jmipraimundo]

Primates dont know how to do monogamy...😂 We are from their family 😉 Was religion and opression men women that obligate a master and a slaver. If today we can transform Patriarchy to Matriarch everyone will be more prosperous happy and no violence😉

[@mars_mellow5842]

yeah the speaker should have talked about it in more detail

[@Kealiae]

Helen : Stay in touch Me : *In a long-distance relationship*

[@MudiagaTejiri]

The same exact thought😂

[@Renejime9288]

RIP Helen Fisher

[@followwind1471]

The idea of sex/intimacy and relationships already died a long time ago for me. If you score average or below average as a man on the attraction scale it's best to just stop chasing women, and go work on your personal journey. Go travel / explore new hobbies or sports / move to another country / maybe quit your job / take some risks / try to create your own business. There's more to life than just relationships

[@ReverendDr.Thomas]

😇🇵🇭 Greetings from Manila! 🇵🇭😇 Go MGTOW monk!

[@glendakillough6726]

Amen. Finding out who you are at your core is far more valuable than a piece of a$$.

[@goldenwolf90]

It’s funny you mention this because that’s exactly the point Louise made about inhibitors in connecting intimately. Yours being your perceived image as being attractive/unattractive. Despite this it’s also clearly stated more than once that intimacy isn’t strictly sex.

[@goldenwolf90]

@@glendakillough6726Hopefully you don’t objectify all of your relationships as a means of gratification or source of pleasure.

[@tomtuttle919]

Love is just another four letter word

[@michaelpilos]

Brilliant Insight! However, the unrealistic proportion of homosexuality demonstrated in American media is seriously alarming… ‼️

[@lisakhanyagumede3987]

Turn off the music

[@vagabondfeet]

Why are responses getting hidden?

[@catalicul]

thank you for these beautiful lessons

[@moreffort]

Does this work in india?

[@nukawolfkopa5]

15:14 is amazing. Though christian structures and ideals can be overly restrictive at times, they have proven extremely useful for mitigating harm within intimate partnerships and individual lives through addressing infidelity, abuse, sexual assault, addiction, mental illness, greed, etc, throughout history. I love this whole video but I found this specifically profound.

[@siddharthanilkumar8826]

@8:32, she speaks of studying 17 ppl in long term love but how did she determine the accuracy of a feeling that isn't really tangible, how do you know if they're lying or not, or they think they're in love but not really? how did she account for these scenarios?

[@alphabeta8403]

9:00 *Magic trio* 18:00 It’s a brain process

[@mars_mellow5842]

its different views of the same topic from three different professionals. The video is made to show you different views on it so you can better formulate your own opinion on the subject.

[@WarrenByrdSpeak]

Nice, y’all. Colossal conciseness 😊

[@thelegend-gr9463]

that background music is Krap

[@ZaliKnight]

So well spoken

[@two2truths]

Holy crap... The comments... People seem utterly blind to the fact that there are different types of relationships, different types of love and different types of dynamics out there... It all comes down to COMMUNICATIONI! You DO NOT need to approve of, or seek one type of relationship for yourself that may work, VERY WELL, for somebody else, and thats ok! Sex is extremely subjective, personal, and intimate to every individual. What you cant do, however, is just judge left and right, everyone else's relationship just because you dont want that dynamic in your life. You'll just end up driving yourself nuts and living in a negative mindset... enjoy! There's nothing new under the sun. Polyamory, sexless love, lustful love, kinks, a-sexuality, etc, etc, etc have all existed throughout humanity for millennium. Dont be blaming current cultural trends and shit for something you think is 'sinful'. Human sexuality has always been wildly diverse.

[@amanborasi2183]

so much to learn!

[@brunoborce8951]

Emily Nagoski should have been in the introduction of the video.

[@NaveenKumar-xs5ie]

BGM overwhelmed her voice

[@joaosimoes7800]

thanks middle lady for talking really fast while whispering, it really makes it easier for me

[@khoakdoan]

My ex left me twice for another partner. Love is a joke.

[@michxahadu]

It's just you're a joke, not love.

[@Novacaine_m]

Sorry you went through this, try not to let them kill love for you, its them that's the issue

[@FantasmaRadioattivo]

Never give someone the opportunity of dumping you twice, once is enought

[@adukalu168]

Nah bro the 2nd one was on you. U played ur self

[@benfelps]

@@michxahadu😂

[@bbwest1138]

How am I supposed to do someone who has no favorite movies, bands, thinks being employed is "too hard" and wants to be an "Influencer" when they "grow up"?

[@clairelinden9786]

Sounds like everyone in the comment section needs a little love in their lives..

[@raspberrypi7098]

Very low volume, please fix it 🙏 ❤

[@sqweed653]

I think it's a problem to reduce all processes of the mind to just the physical aspects, as the first speaker does. The physical aspects obviously dictate what's happening in the mind to a great extent and it is a greatly valuable endevour to understand the physical processes better. But what we call the mind also influences these processes back. If I think certain thoughts they influence my feelings and and that goes hand in hand with the physical changes, like neurons activating in certain ways. This modern scientific monism has lead to the belief in many that depression for example is mainly a physical sickness that can be fixed with just medication, while only about 5% of depression is just a hormone thing. And no the mind is not "supernatural" but it is qualitatively a different realm than the physical, even if it is influenced and influences the physical nervous system. This isn't a dualism by the way, it is the acknowledgement that the world is not entirely ontological but also phenomenological.

[@troynix215]

The first guest of three knew her stuf at least.

[@c2819fnf]

All it comes down to is a match of personality/temperament and money. But if you have no money you can’t be a provider.

[@SpencerBRandall]

Turn down the music please.

[@Mikigator]

This is a great video

[@borrico1965]

Absolutely, sex has a biological function aimed at continuing the species. However, people tends to abuse the sexual faculty. People tends to use the faculty solely for the pleasure it gives. If that will be the case, the faculty is misused.

[@ForrestMystic]

Toothache, pain, craving, and addiction. Why should I keep trying ? I don't want to ever be suicidal after a breakup ever again.

[@Futuresex100]

that's why it's important to find the right person and look at that person through different dimensions rather than just physical attraction (which sadly most of us do)

[@jerryphilips9346]

Thank you for saying what we as a partner,but first i need to get a partner for this 😅.

[@princessdaphne444]

wow!!! a wave of unhealed, traumatized, chauvinistic men in this comment section. its genuinely so sad. its not natural for men to find joy in degrading women & vice versa! i pray for collective healing :/ ❤️‍🩹

[@jurassicthunder]

I don't like you: you're toxic and you need healing I like you: you are good. you're just a narcissist who can't win arguments.

[@princessdaphne444]

@@jurassicthunder how did you manage to get this from my comment? are you off your meds?😅

[@jurassicthunder]

​@@princessdaphne444I'm young, fit, and very healthy thank you very much.

[@salty3069]

​@@princessdaphne444 princess daphne lol ok

[@at1212b]

A lot of scorned and jaded woman here... Like yourself!

[@teacake6941]

If they don't bring up how much resources you need to have in the western world to be comfortable in a relationship then they are missing a big chunk of what makes a relationship successful at beginning, the middle and the end because most relationships change and they may not be romantic but that can be an AWESOME friend!

[@emadnik8517]

New Question: what about having several life partners but not simultaneously??? A partner for whole life VS several ones through time

[@yogashreeeee9809]

Okay, I just have to ask because I'm very confused as to why Louise didn't mention polyandry at all? She mentiones polygyny and says that beyond this, marriages were monogamous. But polyandrous societies (one wife + multiple husbands) have existed. Yes, they're a minority but they are a part of the tapestry of romantic relationships within our historical landscape. Also, her viewpoint seems to be perceived exclusively from the events within the westen world. Yes, Christianity in the 1st century AD brought changes as did the feminist movement (2nd wave as she seems to mention) but all these timelines are about what happened in the western world. Europe + North America are not the only two continents on the planet. Feminism in different parts of the world have had their own timelines and in more recent history (last 250 plus years or so) have found their timelines heavily influenced by colonialism (also neo-colonialism). If we're talking about world events and how they shape human relationships mono/poly/christian/atheist etc., it doesn't make sense to try and encompass these ideas as worldwide phenomena if it doesn't actually include most of us.

[@jakejessen8927]

Interesting viewpoints

[@waldenzanin]

My five cents: This video is very important. Helen Fisher and Emily Nagoski are fabulous, excellent, amazing thinkers. Their works are sharp and sound. Unfortunately, Louise Perry has got it deeply badly, though. And let me be clear, I am not against monogamy a priori, that's not it. Her research is fragile, idealistic in a traditionalist way, with Eurocentric bias and historical facts that are simply presented wrongly. So yeah, I would say, enjoy the first and last thirds of the video to the most, and avoid the second third.

[@CyanCooper]

You don't "live on" if you have kids. And if your kids aren't a disappointment to your memory, your grandkids probably will be.

[@blake1001x]

Insightful 😊

[@dereksniper]

Wasnt betterhealth shown to be subpar mental health service?

[@viendoyoutube1074]

Great video about sex! Thank you, as a young person I find it very hard to cope with this topic and to have good and trusting scientific information just for once feels truly good and fulfilling.

[@_Chessa_]

I’m in love with a fictional character whom I consider a partner, a friend and a lover. He’s been with me for so long and I’m not letting him go. I love him so much. And we are giggling together while watching this in bed.

[@kezzlish]

What is love but a form of energy that swirls all around us? It can present in any form, and is as real as the physical world. Your mind, your thoughts, your dreams. All are real, as they exist within your mind as a concept that can make you interact with the physical world. But from my perspective, you have to understand that the friend, partner and lover you find in that fictional character is actually yourself. And that's beautiful, because you could find a way to provide yourself with those feelings instead of looking outside. Active imagination (concept from Carl Jung) allows you to personificate parts of your unconsoius, allowing you to interect with them and even stablish concersations. But that unconscious is still within you, is a personification of a deeper part of yourself. I'm letting you know this so you can feel validated in a world that will make you feel crazy, at the same time providing you a tool to further understand and bond with your partner and yourself ❤

[@movimientoinformativo5314]

14:34 why is there Epicuro? Can someone explain me what he has to do with what she's talking about?

[@lonewolf2072]

why am i watching this while being rejected

[@johns1139]

Huey Lewis was right

[@estefanianempequemorales6285]

Co create a context that allows both of their brains to have access to pleasure “ amazing phrase

[@anitoroyan272]

Better Help is the worst. Stay away from

[@presleybroadhead465]

Why?

[@anitoroyan272]

I tried it and very disappointed

[@robbingcars9140]

The journalist comes across more conservative than I would have expected

[@PetraKann]

How do you know which is which?

[@mars_mellow5842]

whats the context to that question

[@SuperBellalucy]

Helen Fischer - many thanks, I truly related to your presentation🙂 I was married to a woman that was a terrific mother to our two sons. Sadly, after some years (25+) her persistent intransigence, led to me wandering. Before that I suggested on numerous occasions that we should go to couples counselling, unfortunately she always refused - suggesting I was the problem (hey, we all have our faults). I suspect that an english boarding school & a somewhat repressed family upbringing was part of her problem, who knows. Curiously, I’ve noticed over the years (I dearly love them both) one Son is much more like me, the other like her. - It would be terrific if the opportunity comes up to, have a KZbin chat with Jordan Peterson🌱 in the meantime thank you for your observations🍁