How to have "real" orgasms | Emily Nagoski

The best orgasms come when you learn how to unlock a sexual “flow state.” Emily Nagoski, a sex educator, shares a meditation to help you get started.
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When you see an orgasm depicted in TV, film, or even porn, you can be virtually certain it was faked. This can feed misconceptions about there being a “correct” way to orgasm. In reality, orgasms are complex phenomena that can result from a wide range of stimuli, and they are orchestrated primarily by the brain, not only the genitals.
Sex educator Emily Nagoski emphasizes the importance of familiarizing yourself with the full spectrum of pleasurable and arousing experiences, not just orgasms. Shifting focus from orgasms to overall pleasure can alleviate pressure, potentially leading to improved sexual experiences and, paradoxically, better orgasms.
Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/series/explain-i...
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About Emily Nagoski:
Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.
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[@koradelta]

she just scientifically explained what Edging is

[@Xaaaaaaaaav]

Kinda also foreplay

[@toosharon2842]

Edging is the most beautiful torture out here.

[@Silvermoonscorpion]

I didn't know it was a thing but it's how I typically handle things. Huh.

[@meridith7566]

Exactly

[@lamo.145]

not rlly

[@ashaide]

This was actually very educational and not just about sex. Thank you, Dr. Nagoski.

[@princeofexcess]

fun fact. Nago means naked in polish and ski is a ending to a polsih last name. What a fitting name lol

[@paytonthornberry1382]

​@@princeofexcessThat's hilarious haha

[@vesmiya5638]

agree

[@jonaswolterstorff3460]

Can we celebrate how fricking precise AND understandable she words and expresses things? It makes me wonder how many takes this took.

[@skytte71]

Well, eventually she went up to an eight and then down again to four, and so on... So about 9 cycles of repetition within a one hour period 😜

[@Jo-Anne.Clarke]

@@skytte71🤣🤣🤣

[@generaltheory]

Post coitus, bro. Cognitive skills plus 20 percent. The problem about having a good coitus is to find a girl first lol

[@samlafontaine8552]

​@@generaltheoryconsensual I hope lol 👀

[@generaltheory]

@@samlafontaine8552 Tell me what was unconsensual about Weinstein and this same Truth he told to his performers. "I need to take this role out of wh..k cause I'm a good mannequin"? There is *true* truth, and it's not about uneducated middle centuries' ideals. Even Iceberg Slim is not longer a God for women, he must at least be Genghis Khan or else accuse the heck out of him cause this is what those robin hoods supplying us with free pirated torrents do which is why Avatar 2 is such a piece of non-Miramax, anyway, I'm on stimulants now

[@markwienands]

Jesus christ did she just unlocked for us THE ultimate skill?

[@christianchiseyengi7158]

Hahaha 😂😂😂😂

[@n0426]

@@brantpowell5483yeah. Especially if he’s a narcissist.

[@n0426]

@@brantpowell5483 hell yes it does. It is like the coronavirus now because people DON’T marry out of love thus they can’t give love to their offspring and these children are living in survival mode all their lives and can’t form healthy attachments to outside objects (people) because they see everything as an exchange for benefits. If you aren’t benefiting them you are devalued and smeared to the whole globe. It’s sad when you think about it these children grow up lacking a real stable sense of self no matter how much materialistic sh*t they are swimming into. Spoiling children is not LOVE neither is abusing them in any form. they can look like a 40 year old but act like a 4 year old. They are good at making people love them by love bombing and being very seductive and sexual they do take their time to really get to know you till they get what they want and when you don’t reciprocate and don’t put your trust in them you will be their stalked x for the rest of their miserable existence. They can’t be vulnerable so they can only jump into physical sexual activity to get you trauma bonded to them. But they never loved you and will never do. So you will never be spiritually satisfied and stable with them.

[@sethanderson4496]

​@@brantpowell5483I believe most pornography actors do this to control when they ejaculate. They may be actors and actresses, but to fuck like a pornstar has been quite a pleasurable experience for me.

[@modernbeauty5309]

Numbing 😂😂😂

[@Lapastel37]

Sometimes you can't orgasm because it's the wrong partner. If you are stressed in a relationship the cortisol you produce will hinder pleasure. It happened to me in the last 3 years with my ex, I was desperate, I couldn't get there not even by myself. I thought maybe I was just getting old. With my current partner it's a breeze, so much so that I am starting to get there too fast! We laugh about it, because I seem the man in the situation, saying "sorry, I couldn't help it". And orgasm is surely a mind thing, because my ex was more physically attractive, but didn't get me at all, while my partner knows how to take care of me and make me feel loved and appreciated and we totally get eachother mentally. This makes him more attractive to me than anything else. The more years go by, the more we are in sync and devoted to eachother. Love is strong and so is sex.

[@bendemare5270]

Can I ask a personal question ?

[@Lapastel37]

@@bendemare5270 yes

[@WarmAusterity-ii8dt]

She was too stressed due to the relationship.

[@giftedintrovert]

That make sense, not just a physical connection, but mentally and Emotionally

[@suumcuique4530]

@@bendemare5270and he was never seen again

[@lilytea3]

0:26: Orgasms vary from person to person and are not solely a genital function. 1:18: The brain plays a significant role in experiencing an orgasm, with a neurological marker indicating its occurrence. 2:05: The context in which an orgasm occurs can greatly impact its pleasurable or negative perception. 4:15: The little monitor assesses the ratio of effort to progress towards a goal and can push us into despair. 4:48: Taking orgasm off the table and exploring erotic sensations can help the monitor relax. 5:35: Connection with others is important for overcoming feelings of darkness or brokenness related to orgasms. 8:21: Stimulate arousal from 1 to 5, then let it dissipate to 1. Repeat process gradually increasing arousal levels until reaching 8-9. 9:18: When arousal reaches 8-9, actively allow it to dissipate by breathing and relaxing muscles. 9:42: At high arousal levels, carpal pedal spasms may occur involuntarily. Recap by Tammy AI

[@picklerick777]

Was abou to thank but fuck that's ai

[@Achalacha]

Good recap

[@4s.v]

2:04: Two men kissing each other

[@gabrielsiteny]

Thank you kind samaritan

[@FirestormX9]

​@@picklerick777so? You are implying that AI shouldn't be thanked?!

[@mikejettusa]

Emily Nagosky, you are a wonderful person and you have helped so many people. Thank you sincerely for doing the work you do. I'm speaking for myself and for the many who just sit on the sidelines because they are afraid or ashamed to say anything. You take the insecurities so many have and you normalize them. ❤

[@enterthevoidIi]

Why is she so passive aggressive though?

[@karwashblark7499]

@@enterthevoidIi your own projection thats why

[@esteban9716]

how is she passive aggressive? i love her videos here and enjoy her personality so much

[@eloise_vortex4070]

@@enterthevoidIihow is she passive aggressive?

[@enterthevoidIi]

@@karwashblark7499 that's typical narcissistic gaslighting. Instead of discussing or asking in what way she's passive aggressive or why I think so you immediately negate what I perceive and blame me for it lol has anyone ever told you you may be high on the narcissism scale?

[@jsp34159]

I love this. The whole idea of the femal orgasm being a clitoral or a vaginal orgasm always felt so archaic and freudian to me. Glad researchers are finally moving away from this idea.

[@umeshchoudhary6035]

So which one is real?

[@lucillebalinska5868]

According to Emily, neither, it’s the brain in both cases. However, I have also heard that the majority of orgasms result from clitoral stiumulation. If you look at a diagram of the whole organ, it goes a lot deeper than the surface, so people might not always realise that they are indirectly stimulating it. That being said, people can have orgasms from other input, such as exercise, the examples she names in the video, and for some people, just by thinking. Perhaps these too in some way are stimulating the clitoris via connective tissue, or the power of suggestion, who knows.

[@burnyizland]

@@lucillebalinska5868 I'm a female who orgasms primarily through cervical and uterine stimulation. I can get there via clitoral but it's work and the payout is muted. Takes all kinds!

[@lillierose5304]

But the way to have an orgasm is literally that. Clitoral rubbing for me lol. It's simple and easy and satisfying. Why complicate it? 😅

[@lillierose5304]

I'm sorry but it's definitely a very real physical sensation/ physiological reaction in that region. It's not in my head lol.

[@p5ych0_w1tch]

it's super interesting, that there's a whole science in this; after having experienced sexual trauma early on in my life, it created a very weird initial relationship with sex and pleasure for me, but through my own path of self discovery, it seems like i had learned this process through some subconscious process. the oscillation part especially resonated because i know exactly what i do to maintain that, through breathing and sound response loops. i was even trying to explain it to someone but lacked the eloquence to formulate it. but yeah, this is really brilliant, because i know from many people in my life that this isn't common knowledge or some intuitive interpretation of things. great video 🖤

[@mooorgue]

I love how people are rejecting what she's saying because of their prejudice towards someone with blue hair

[@frogcannon]

This is what Big Think gets for courting dumb right wingers and "Intellectual Dark Web" morons like Jordan Peterson. This is the kind of idiots they attracted with that.

[@blknman]

Blue Hair is a major red flag.

[@mooorgue]

@@blknman okay, would you immediately assume a black man is going to steal your belongings? No? Why? Because it's a prejudice and not a fact

[@blknman]

@@mooorgue Blue hair is not a inherent trait. 🤦‍♂️

[@blknman]

@@Dimitris_Balf I dont need to read Mein Kampf in order to know its nazi propaganda. The same is with blue hair, its showing affiliation to a certain ideology.

[@superbri007]

Excellent information. And during the "How-to" description of the meditation, I thought, "Isn't this just edging?" Then I interpreted this as a bit more nuanced than just, a start / stop, which is edging. Edging is delaying gratification for the goal of having a really big orgasm at the end. This is on a much deeper level in that it will require patience, concentration, some self-discipline to ramp up without boarding that train on the O-Track, destination Orgasmtown. Her suggested meditation is also delaying gratification, but that comes up front (pun intended). If everyone knows what diminishing returns are, her suggested meditation would be akin to the law of increasing returns; over time, your time-to-orgasm decreases, until you find this optimal point. My analogy is a bit abstract, but based on Dr. Nagoski's explanation, that indefinite sustainment of that 9 to 9.99 to 9, and so on and so forth would be the equivalent of not only getting on that train to Orgasmtown, but being a sort of creator, if you will, of laying out as little, or as much track as you would like. Lastly, I couldn't think of a better way to de-stress, re-sensitize, and get in touch with yourself, and or a partner (or partners), than to essentially meditate with the motivation being pleasure. If you get it right, you can choose when you want to "get off" at Orgasmtown.

[@v1d300]

I was thinking the same thing, this is what edging is. But unlike you I don't see how this is not! You don't have to start and stop in edging either, you can controlled arousal and stimulation. That being said I am going to read about this kind of meditation, as I like how Dr. Nagoski described but I have not idea how one can achieve it nor do I think Dr. Nagoski explained the process. I struggle with regular meditation so trying to achieve this kind of meditation will be really difficult for me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, as I was going to say similar things here but you expressed it so much better than I could have.

[@superbri007]

​@@v1d300 Thank you! I'm sure you are capable of articulating such as I did. I sort of thought it while writing it, specifically, my metaphor, for Dr. Nagoski's verbal explanation of the idea, with the on-screen overlay of the scale 1-10 (Maybe it start at 0, but hopefully you get the point). This helped me conceptualize her instructional explanation in a different way, so, in theory, I gain two instructional explanations; hers, and then mine. For me, I've been single for about 2.5 years now, and I'm not a hookup kind of person, so despite the dry spell, my mental health and wellbeing thanks me for ending a toxic relationship. So much shit has happened to me since breaking up with her, some good, some bad, that I have become a bit more resilient. I moved halfway across the country for an amazing job opportunity almost a year ago. I was fired due to tardiness, which was driven by, regrettably, my inability to change my ways. I was codependent on her because she was the timely, punctual, organized, schedule and time-minded one; whereas, for me, I was not. So I was essentially carried by her for almost 8 years. Without the necessary life-hacks, habits, consistency, etc, I was unable to break bad habits. I have ADHD, I can provide value, because I consider myself fairly intelligent (130+ IQ taken in 2000 as a teen)... I need to take that WAIS-III again, but it's probably a couple versions newer since the 3rd iteration of it. I don't do well with meditation either, but I'm not incapable of it. It has to become habit... consistency... (e.g. I'll sit on my bed, do this meditation for 5 mins every day, until I become better at it.) Transpose that idea from the meditation suggestion of Dr. Nagoski. Go make yourself feel good.

[@iordanchis2437]

hi. I somehow managed to reply to someone elses comment, I meant to ask you. I took the time to read yours and I like ur deep dive into the subject. To that I would say, that one requires a greater amount of self-discipline, not just some. At least in the case of those without sufficient practice or experience, I would say. Do you however believe that by fluctuating between 90 and 99% an actual orgasm occurs and that it can be sustained that way? I'd even go ahead and call that a malicious tease. 😄 I honestly find it hard believe, as without ejaculating, it's rather frustrating.

[@superbri007]

Thank you. Wow, it's weird having actual conversations in the KZbin comments. I'm not suggesting it's easy; it's very difficult to stop yourself from going over the point of no return. I'm a pretty patient person in general, but on a first attempt, I didn't find myself wanting to stay in that 90 to 99% window too long. I think the moral of the story, or more so, the point behind this exercise is to connect with yourself (or others), and to maximize the time spent in a pleasure zone. Optimally, you would want to stay in 90 to 99% that way it takes very little effort to get back up to 99 from 90 (as opposed to 0 to 99%) I know that once you do go 100%, the your body releases feel good chemicals, but they usually are there to break that tension and start to relax you. Then you enter a refractory period where your body has to recharge in order to have another orgasm. People that take dostinex / cabergoline for Pituitary issues like hyperprolactinemia, may have a lower refractory period because it reduces prolactin (which may be responsible in part, or completely, for a refractory period). @@iordanchis2437

[@superbri007]

Also, to comment on your last sentence, "I honestly find it hard believe, as without ejaculating, it's rather frustrating." The goal is overall pleasure, I believe. And it depends on how you look at it; if you believe it's frustrating then you may have to reframe it in your mind. You would mindfully be putting off a big bang, so to speak, in order to have a longer fireworks show. lol @@iordanchis2437

[@mayohsetsuna]

Most of my adult life I’ve been sexually active. Unfortunately, despite the amount of sex I was having, I could not orgasm. Only recently, with my current partner, have I actually been able to achieve one. Fairly frequently even! Some of them are definitely just in my mind, not physical at all! I really think that a good portion of WHY I couldn’t have one was because I really just wasn’t into my partner enough. The bond that I currently have is what makes it. ❤

[@xcrazy98x51]

Emotions in sex can be a HUGE difference in terms of outcome, especially because women are more emotional during the act!

[@fallenafterling4128]

Thot

[@ashleybankscoaching]

Yess, same. The bond is everything ❤❤

[@Greg-yu4ij]

I recently met a wonderful woman who never had a guy even try to make her orgasm. I took my time teasing her before intercourse and she climaxed which was a miracle since her medication shouldn’t allow it.

[@lisaemmajones7655]

No orgasms are not just in the mind, not sure what BS she is telling you but if you don't feel pleasure down there as well, you're not doing it right and there's no point in even having sex then

[@LK-ob5jc]

She's amazing! Her book "Come as you are" is a game changer. Thanks Emily

[@caristewart481]

That book completely changed my sex life. I recommend it to anyone who has sex or plans to one day. It's amazing. Emily is a phenomenal human.

[@joshmcnulty5950]

These comments are harsh. She did a great job explaining the problems associated with sexual orgasms and explaining a viable solution. Good luck to whoever needs this - trial and error people. Takes time but once you’re there it’s a much better life!

[@JavaBum]

Did you not listen to the bullshit she spouted? Despite the script, any smart person would have seen that this was a fucking farce.

[@faithhopecharity2843]

Trial & error also means you need more sample data to minimize the error margins. In this case sample data can be 1.) More sexy time OR 2.) More partners to experiment. No.2 will lead to infidelty which will lead to greater rate of divorces or broken home scenario. So it better be No.1 you need to focuses on.

[@sethanderson4496]

@faithhopecharity2843 For #2, I'd be more worried about the increase of likelihood for contracting and spreading STIs. Not only is one partner safer all the way around, but it would also help the individual learn their partner's body as well as their own.

[@jonaswolterstorff3460]

Maybe that changed in the time you have been away from this video? I see 90% positive remarks.

[@annwe6]

@@sethanderson4496 Not if you practice safe sex. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having many, fully consenting partners.

[@hv2623]

Holy snap. I will be trying out that exercise. For science!

[@shangobunni5]

Me too, LMAO!! For science!

[@Pllutus]

This video is amazing! I didn’t know that this was something that was actually studied, but the specific part about going into experiences with the specific goal to experience pleasure and NOT orgasms, is something that helped me so much with my ED a few years ago. The anxiety around performing an ACT and with a specific ending would fill me we so much anxiety that I couldn’t be there in the moment. Once we started trying to just enjoy the pleasure of being together and threw away any goals is when I truly started to enjoy having sex.

[@dopaminewizard7133]

Never thought that this training technique would be taught by a sexual educator, 'cause this is pretty similar to something called "edging", in a more informal sex slang/practice, and actually is used like a sort of "torture" on some bdsm works. I never was a fan of going "direct to the point", and the orgasm were all kinda of "Ok, that was great, but too brief.". So I started to try it, this going up/back down play as she precisely said (in an amazing description and didacts by the way). And, hell, this makes the orgasm absurdly intense and longer when you finally gets there! I can asure that. Usually men have this urge to get there immediatelly and don't hold up, as a frustrating thing; but exactly this build of tension and release that she amazingly taught is the key, and worth the time to it.

[@skarbuskreska]

My biggest brake on orgasm was my ex husband. We were both inexperienced as we were each others first. Though we had both masturbated before, and I could orgasm. Because we were inexperienced I didn't put too much pressure on him or myself first, we did other stuff like positions etc. But with the years it got more unpleasant for me, I kinda accepted I won't orgasm from sex with him, guess I'm built like that. But that put more pressure on masturbation bc I felt I need the outcome there at least. The whole sex was so uninteresting, I definitely got a hold of the fact that he wasn't curious, didn't want to try at some point, didn't really pay attention to me, and even though I did the right thing and told him directly what and where I like to be touched, he "forgot it" each time and I needed to remember him of it. He then did it, but without much enthusiasm, so it turned me off too. At one point we had very little sex, like once a month maybe. I was of the opinion that there are so many more things that are important in a relationship a d life was busy, especially with kids. He then immediately divorced when I really pressured for changes, after I had talked about it one year prior and he asked for patience but nothing changed. I didn't want a relationship afterward but I wanted sexual pleasures, so I signed on a sex date platform, no romantical bullshit game, just pure honesty, circumstances were discussed before, so people were on the same page. For me it was the right decision. I finally experienced what good sex really is. Still couldn't orgasm instantly as there eas the goal pressure, but literally everything from carressing, kissing, fingering, oral sex etc etc was so much better. They guys (apart from one) really payed attention to what I wanted, really wanted me and I wanted them, I felt held, understood, simply respected. I was so angry at myself at some point that I had allowed him to be so bad and had just taken bad sex for at least 12 years if I remove 2 for learning phase and new experiences at first. Needless to say I did orgasm finally as one guy made it his goal to bring me there no matter how patient he had to be in arousing me and not taking my plateaus as the "enough goal". But because the rest of the sexual experience from begging to end was so much better overall, one lost orgasm here and there wasn't even a thing more, as I had so much pleasure otherwise. So ladies, sometimes it can indeed be the partner. Did I mention my migraines, that I had gotten at some point in our partnership, also nearly completely vanished despite life with kids and work and more household was still super busy? My ex had been luke a HUGE heavy lid on my happiness and health. Unfortunately I had just some great years as breast cancer and another chronic illness struck, to a point that even going out, dating etc were not possible anymore and it just got worse over the years. Had to have surgery for my vack and now walk on a rollator looking like Quasimodo, no appeal to noone anymore at 48 years if I even had the energy which I don't. On good days I still have myself to enjoy myself, but even that is made worse from my bidy dysfunctioning and medication. I really hate it here. Bad sex for so long, only 3 years fun and enjoyment max and then nothing for the rest of my shitty near zombie life anymore. Really didn't grab the lucky pot for life.

[@camillehelmuth9321]

Thank you for sharing 🫂

[@redlophix5670]

oh boy. Maybe i'm not in the place to say that, but be happy about those 3 years! Maybe that'll help...

[@Jo-Anne.Clarke]

@@redlophix5670​​⁠I’m F, 65 and divorced. I’ve never had those three years…. Or even 1 yr….or for that matter, one encounter that included orgasm. Within this women’s narrative there is a hopeful message. And I agree, gratitude improves our quality of life and builds happiness.

[@tecmissle9256]

Check this woman, there is hope @mimikmorgan

[@ginavanulzen6681]

Oh god I’m so so sorry. And yet I know now that things are changing for women.

[@costafilh0]

The % of women who have never had an orgasm is really absurd. And I haven't even had that many partners in my life. Those who are or were married are most baffling to me. It makes me question how many marriages are like this and how many unhappy people are living miserably and trapped for some reason.

[@zsofiasej]

Is life without orgasm truly miserable? I’ve been masturbating since I was like 3 years old (I’m 33 now) but I have yet to experience one-and I’ve tried just about e v e r y t h i n g (books, hypnosis, tantric massage, toys, etc). Nothing works. But not having an orgasm doesn’t necessarily mean you have to feel trapped and unhappy in your relationship.

[@Lapastel37]

People don't know that they don't know. For women it's more complicated. I had been having sex for seven years when I reached my first orgasm. I honestly had no idea before. I realized it had been average sexual pleasure.

[@victoriaporsiempre]

absurd? ok, you say that because you didn’t have many partners and have no idea, sex problem are complex, not absurd, don’t judge

[@zimskasalamaa]

Since they made sex taboo for women, and then they wonder why they get less and less physical touch and no conversation or solution

[@lillierose5304]

I'm a woman and I've never had any trouble achieving orgasm which I'm very grateful for 😅 but I've also never known any other women to have any trouble either 🤷 I think it would suck. but that's only because I know what orgasms feel like. I guess if you don't know any different it'd be ok 🤔

[@dannyferguson1427]

i like the calm enthusiasm with which she explains the mechanics of edging xD

[@nonchalantree6604]

Wow! A great, informative, and actually accurate discussion from a real PhD about orgasm??? This actually really helped me to understand my own orgasm from someone who actually knows what they are talking about. I don't have to feel bad about not being able to orgasm from intercourse at all! Thanks!

[@walidsleiman9209]

That what a great lover is about, should never be selfish and his pleasure comes from her pleasure first. It takes caring, patience and respect.

[@technolus5742]

When the bigthink team mashed together a bunch of excerpts from this and other talks peoples reaction was quite negative. With appropriate context, the response now was so incredibly positive. Great job on many levels. 👍

[@CarbonSolutions]

So well articulated - thanks for the time and energy that went into this 🙏🏼

[@ra7e]

Amazing content. This video and the information contained will help a lot of people who are having trouble with one of the most important aspects of a relationship ❤ But the reaction from some, who are possibly from areas of the world where knowledge & acceptance of sexuality is lacking, even in this era of the internet, is saddening 💔

[@joseavaldessarmiento779]

This is the solution to loneliness. If people on the whole took this more seriously there would be more love in the world.

[@xcrazy98x51]

Well, its not unfortunately .. I do this a lot when I‘m alone, and it makes me even feel more alone..

[@jamesclawson9243]

Human relationships are the solution to loneliness.

[@picklesdill5462]

Wait that's just edging...

[@benrolle622]

I love hearing Dr. Nagoski talk amazing mix of education and entertainment/charisma

[@eyesus8165]

For any people with penises, the exercise at the end is how you get to a place of orgasming without ejaculation. I learned this while studying Taoism, I highly recommend the exercise.

[@blknman]

People with penises? You mean Men? Please dont tell me you included juvenile males also while talking about ejaculation, thats disguisting on more levels than one.

[@Carroty_Peg]

Men have Penis'. . . perhaps you missed out of biology class and skipped straight to Regime enjoyment

[@elsagrace3893]

That just seems weird. What’s the point? Just to say you can?

[@eyesus8165]

@@elsagrace3893 If you are wondering about the use a non-ejaculating orgasm , it is simple. In Taoism it's about longevity and semen retention. There are benefits but it's about a spiritual practice. From the place I learned it that is.

[@victoriaporsiempre]

isn’t ejaculation connected with an orgasm?

[@esteban9716]

6:12 so the exercise is basically edging for an hour instead of watching netflix? sounds good

[@Mercury_Beetle]

This was really well explained. She’s good at her job.

[@user-lx4uk5un7s]

I read Emily Nagosky book and it was a great read for everyone, highly recommend it!

[@vitamcrae5115]

What's the title?

[@evadebruijn]

Come as you are

[@evadebruijn]

​@@vitamcrae5115.

[@turtlewoman]

Beautifully spoken! Going to practice today 😃😃😃 ❤❤❤ 🎉🎉🎉 Thank you Dr. Nagoski!

[@CrowMagnum]

So good, this could be applied to so many aspects of intimacy with ourselves and our partners

[@kittara8]

I've never heard someone explain it like this before and its absololutelly amazing. What a great lady.

[@iordanchis2437]

4:40 That's basically the non-Urban dictionary definition of Edging.

[@bencebenedek2610]

"Orgasm train" ALL ABOARD HAHAHAHA...

[@iordanchis2437]

@@bencebenedek2610 you sir made my day 🤣

[@samueltoro6531]

My thoughts.

[@bhanson28]

I thought the same thing.😅

[@peachnecctar1658]

what i said lol

[@duolik1271]

It exists. Been there multiple times. It's an amazing feeling. Almost like orgasming but you don't. You just ride the wave. Feels like you're going to jump out of your skin... in a good way. 👍

[@AlyGSpirit]

So beautifully made! And the music...and I love that its not about klischee....its for everyone! Thank you!

[@TheMalibuDar]

OMG, these graphics are off the hook and hilarious. Good job, editor person.

[@ENDESGA]

I read "The scientific method for better organisms", and was very confused for the first minute.

[@signalfire15]

😂

[@archiesto1228]

The monitor is super insightful. The last practice Dr. Nagoski speaks about is otherwise known in the queer community as edging. Highly recommend.

[@warriors-dieweltderkatzen3903]

I would love to hear more from her. She did the narrative amazingly for this video. Very nice to listen to 😊

[@marydefir2140]

Thank you! Your information and your approach was very enlightening as well as delightful.

[@areonjohnson]

That technique at the end…. My voice is shaking…. Thank you

[@babaganouche9605]

I listened to her audiobook Come As You Are, ready by her. Cannot recommend enough.

[@helgamonaco6335]

Bravo!!! Thank you for existing and sharing so much, Emily 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@user-gr7vo2cs5y]

True big think . Very informative.

[@Guus]

Woah. This is something i intuitively learned through the years, the method is the same but I could never really explain it to my partners. Awesome!

[@lillierose5304]

I think she just explained "edging" in a fancy way 🤣

[@themandolinmaniac]

Excellent talk. Thanks

[@cockbutpluger]

Emily Nagoski needs to be in front of a camera, more. That's intro was absolute fire. The tone, the cadence, the shameless and friendly approach -- masterful. This was a great teaching moment. Love this quality of content.

[@ollowainhd5531]

very interesting and cool to see in myself that i actually already did this practice a couple times without knowing the scientific aspect to it. really cool and keep those informative videos rolling

[@MikeSpaa]

Her videos are very interesting, enjoyable and informative!

[@TanzenderBerg]

Antidepressants often cause sexual problems including inability of orgasm being a sure indication for the brain as the source. But what to do about that? How can this horrible side effect be dissolved? Sometimes the effect lasts long after taking the medication and the brain seems to have lost the ability to orgasm.

[@DPWrepublic]

SSRi antidepressants can prevent premature ejaculation. It's on the medical journals.

[@Veganerd_]

@@DPWrepublic SSRIs completely destroyed my ability to get any arousal at all. Luckily I didn't take them for long.. and I'll never touch them again.

[@gatb4387]

I was shocked when she mentioned Spectator syndrome. As a gay cis man, this is exactly the issue I have most of the time. Now I finally have a name for it.

[@elsagrace3893]

How are you a gay cis man?

[@dynogunbattle]

Being cis or trans has nothing to do with sexual orientation, and being gay or straight has nothing to do with your gender so it isnt an issue for a person to be both cis and gay.

[@Me-dj2sz]

Same as a bi cis female.

[@jad7016]

And I thought I was the only weird gay person spectating not being able to feel my emotions

[@ThanhTran-jm2lx]

Thankyou, im just though that was my trauma, my sickness but you explained them all.

[@sydneybergeron4672]

If you haven't read her book "Come As You Are" already, highly recommend. It was enlightening and validating both personally and in ways that, as a therapist, I can also help clients. I also really appreciate the workbook.

[@walidsleiman9209]

That what a great lover is about, should never be selfish and his pleasure comes from her pleasure first. It takes caring, patience and respect.

[@kesavamandiga8900]

Love this. Beautifully explained. TLDW; Edging.

[@greysocial]

This is some really good info that I'll put to practice.

[@saguim8928]

Amazing ! thanks for the exercice

[@antoniommff]

A pretty interesting video that widen my point of view on this topic. She’s an amazing communicator, congrats! ✨🚀

[@veganangel68]

Also, pain medications can mute your orgasms.

[@vitriolveio]

Yep cause it dulls your brain’s experience 👌

[@aduad]

what like regular advil? or something stronger which would make more sense!

[@microfx]

not cannabis

[@m.willow11]

So do stimulants like amphetamines

[@microfx]

@@m.willow11 what? exactly the opposite as well

[@anuraganil7293]

So basically the video says not to persue orgasm but to be in the moment.

[@shapelessmovement4288]

Thanks for your sharings 🙏✨️

[@chriscoyne8034]

This woman is incredible, such great information.

[@leanguyen7961]

this is such a beautiful skill and explanation of how spiritually and mentally beneficial an orgasm is

[@homownerjoe]

Oh God yes! Mutual edging is the business! Even if she gets frustrated after a couple of hours after it; it's still so damn worth the time and the little scolding.

[@everydayuse6329]

I try to remind myself to "focus on the journey, not the destination"- because if I only focus on the destination, then I usually find it quite difficult to enjoy the moment and just relax.

[@kitcassim4156]

This is an example of someone who “sounds smart” but doesn’t actually share anything new

[@goldwingerppg5953]

“Some people say the dirtiest part of your body is your toes, some say it’s your nose, but I say it’s your mind” I assumed most people knew sex is based in the brain. The definition of a organism you used is very similar to the definition of a sneeze.

[@victoriaporsiempre]

no, actually is your mouth 😂

[@lillierose5304]

Really doesn't feel like it's coming from the brain 😅

[@videoscota7399]

This Is exactly what i was looking for, thank you Dr.

[@Ja-vr5tr]

0:10 Hiuman Dizain 0:24 🎶👁️♾️🗝️🎼🔺🔻🤍🌻 0:33

[@dissanti]

This doc. Is insane good congrats for all who did this for real

[@YaBoyGunna27]

Sex ed is always good. If you cant be open. Maybe you're stuck. gl

[@apurvaaryan7984]

If you can't be open maybe you are not aroused 😅

[@AmbientWalking]

Thanks for this!

[@dimitrioschristou4058]

I love everything about this video.

[@jordanrogas914]

I love this so much. Nagoski is so captivating and knowledgable .

[@walidsleiman9209]

That what a great lover is about, should never be selfish and his pleasure comes from her pleasure first. It takes caring, patience and respect.

[@johnk4121]

Aren't there lots of people who cannot achieve the traditional definition of orgasm? When she says the definition of an orgasm is 'if you want it and like it", is her goal to make those people feel better about themselves by redefining orgasm? Does the typical definition of orgasm create anxiety in some people? - trying to attain it, trying to make it better. I'm sure it does. And her plan is very compassionate to those people. At the same time, her plan is a step away from a clean information ecology which we are suffering so much from. Those who have experienced an orgasm all know very well what it is. There is no subtle thing to notice. Will her attempt at redefinition result in more people distrusting this kind of advice? Nobody knows - but isn't it the critical question?

[@bendemare5270]

I love how nuanced your take is

[@orenrob1914]

Well said

[@Incognition37]

right, it kind of annoyed me

[@NM-ok9wb]

I dont think she literally means, if you feel nice sitting there breathing then that's an orgasm. There are people who experience euphoria from meditation that can mimic an orgasm the same way someone can orgasm from getting their nipples sucked. She's just saying, if you get off on getting weird body sensations more than your private parts, then you don't need to feel weird about it because orgasms come from the brain, not strictly from the vagina/penis

[@pietra3476]

You got everything very wrong. She gave the actual definition of orgasm and said she believes it - 2:21: "here's the definition I use: a spontaneous involuntary release of neuromuscular tension generated in response to sex-related stimuli". Then, she says that "the only measure of an orgasm is whether you wanted it and liked it...". It's not a measure of how much of an orgasm was that...that is not the contextualization she gave for that part of the video. She is still talking about how people think their actual orgasms are "wrong" because they don't look like the ones in media, while they are, indeed "correct"; "...if you wanted and liked it, it doesn't matter what kind of stimulation got you there". Try to watch the video and pay attention to that. It's bad to write that she's masking some problem or sth.

[@isalutfi]

Thank you for sharing

[@kateboyer1513]

I had no idea there was a name for spectatoring. This video just helped me so much just by defining how I feel

[@Tyrannimarja]

I won! 🍾🎉 Thank you so much! 🙏❤️

[@am.ivanova]

that was the most scientific explanation of edging i've seen

[@JasmineTea127]

This lady is my hero

[@BarbaraBCarlson]

Thank you for your work and sharing it. :)

[@walidsleiman9209]

That what a great lover is about, should never be selfish and his pleasure comes from her pleasure first. It takes caring, patience and respect.

[@georgedownes5309]

Excellent advice.....she is talking about 'edging' a common sexual technique!!!!!

[@gillcaz]

I've never heard edging described as Zeno's Arrow, but here i am. Carpopedal spasms though... I've very rarely had anything similar to that. Seems like something women experience more than men, anecdotally speaking. Any AMABs here feel that, or disagree?

[@sfminternational3815]

The best org is when the feeling is mutual with brain and heart in the same time ☺️

[@walidsleiman9209]

That what a great lover is about, should never be selfish and his pleasure comes from her pleasure first. It takes caring, patience and respect.

[@Oneirica_]

@5:45 "connection is the most important antidote to the darkness."

[@No-ky3kb]

I feel like ive done that before on accident. Thanks for sharing such useful information

[@ednanayub]

Sexual chemistry of couple is important.

[@talkingtochapri]

Incredible quality content

[@technofy8865]

You are joking right?

[@JavaBum]

@@Dimitris_Balf If t his is the "facts" hill you stand on, you have issues, problems, and no one is going to help you.

[@JavaBum]

I'm not insulting you, nor the person before you, or the OC. I'm stating a fact. This isn't, under any circumstance, quality material.

[@JavaBum]

@@Dimitris_Balf Do you know why I'm laying waste here? She claimed that the body cannot control itself, especially during rape. I agree with this. Then, she claimed that people can control their ejaculations and orgasms, thus making the other person useless. Do you see? She claimed that rape victims like it because they want it. In so many words. This is my problem. So, anyone who "likes" what she posted missed it or accepts it. Hence, my aggressive response to you and everyone else.

[@JavaBum]

@@Dimitris_Balf Because you need it? Are you still accepting her word as fact? This is a piece of shit piece made by a piece of shit woman that said all white men are terrible people. Do you believe that? Yes or no.

[@yusaaziz3214]

Thank you for this talk, it is great

[@shannamathias4176]

The background music sounds like an NCIS episode. Fitting.

[@iluuvfuud]

it’s funny bc her last name is polish & “nago” literally means naked in polish. very fitting for her job

[@andrewcosmos2216]

Thank you miss Emily, you are my first sex educator and I found out so many things that I should know as a mature human being. Thank you for your work!

[@arandomzoomer4837]

What a wealth of knowledge and useful advice

[@user-ib3mh7su8h]

be able truly enjoy your life, yourself and choose a right partner for yourself. that`s all.

[@collinvickers2345]

It seems to me that the relationship between the people involved was a neglected dimension, in this monologue. Mental/emotional comfort, self-consciousness, distraction, etc, are all closely related to the existing relationship. Consider taking your connection with someone to a 10, and not merely the physical sensation.

[@anthill1510]

Yeah, I think if you wanted to eperience this with a partner and not just alone that would be important. I think she described the exercise for someone to do alone.

[@nicholeayt509]

I LOVE her. I've watched videos with her a few times and the way she talks about sex is so refreshing and intelligent. Need to try this now!

[@walidsleiman9209]

That what a great lover is about, should never be selfish and his pleasure comes from her pleasure first. It takes caring, patience and respect.

[@maiasalgado_]

this helped me so much wth

[@walidsleiman9209]

That what a great lover is about, should never be selfish and his pleasure comes from her pleasure first. It takes caring, patience and respect.

[@No-ky3kb]

I'm happy to see the comments appreciating

[@linus5229]

Did she just describe edging?