5 Quick Ways to Become More Emotionally Mature

What does it mean to be emotionally mature, and how can you tell if you are? When someone is emotionally mature, they can manage their emotions and keep themselves grounded no matter whomever or what ever is going on around them. Emotionally mature people also tend to be able to see things from other people's perspectives, have more empathy and understanding and can handle and deescalate conflict well. So to help you become more emotionally mature starting today, here are 5 things you can do to get started.
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ABOUT JULIA:
Julia Kristina, MA, is a speaker, teacher, master therapist and mental wealth coach who helps smart, highly sensitive, heart centred humans get past anxiety, stress, and self-doubt so they can have better: Better relationships, a better life and feel better about themselves.
Through her membership program, The Shift Society, she helps people identify their deep rooted thoughts and beliefs that are keeping them stuck and struggling, and then teaches them how to take charge of their minds and emotions so they can thrive in all areas of their lives.
Julia’s expertise has been featured in Inc magazine, Psych Central, Mind Body Green and numerous other publications, podcasts and television outlets. She has also given talks in front of audiences of hundreds on stages across North America. Videos on her KZbin channel have been watched more than 15 million times and she has built a community of over 375,000 people across social media platforms. When she’s not helping her clients and students increase their emotional intelligence and mental strength, she’s out on some kind of adventure with her three children in Vancouver, Canada.
Visit Julia Kristina's website: juliakristina....

[@tracirex]

thanks for not cutting out the pauses and restarts. a perfect way to show us how not to be too perfectionistic.

[@juliakristinamah]

Oh boy - that was an accident. But yes, I do many restarts in a video!

[@erinhappy-go-lucky5040]

Pausing and allowing myself to process what is going on for me/ getting curious about what is coming up for the other person is super helpful. I wish more people would handle conflict in this manner.

[@sbu116sbu2]

Best discovery for me this week was this channel at a very timely moment in my life where I seem to be losing control of myself and my emotions. Thank you

[@sharonp4106]

Hi Julia👋, Shifter here! I've noticed in the few situations that have occurred since becoming a Shifter, my Rocky Balboa fight mode has shifted towards Diff'rent Strokes character Arnold, voicing an internal question "What'cha talking 'bout Willis", and taking a breath to reassess the situation before responding. I feel more in control of myself and there is less mind chatter going over and over a situation and the thousands of ways I could have responded. Peace of mind is priceless! ❤

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes Sharon! I see you doing the work in so many ways. You are an inspiration and a valued Shifter.

[@sharonp4106]

Because of you, the teachings, and all the other Shifters!😊❤

[@jasminmamimalik]

Ahh this is amazing I can not wait to be at this point yet- it’s really difficult because I’m really trying tomorrow remove myself from this victim mentality of I am what I am as a result of how I’ve been treated and therefor it relies on you the version of me you get, but it sucks 😅 bc then I always suck 😅 and even in me writing this I feel like I’m trying not to be emotionally immature but even through my writing it shows and you know what’s craaaazy? A fact I haven’t been able to understand? How I went my entiiiiire childhood being told “wow your so much more mature for your age” and as an adult I think the reason for that was my past experiences and traumas that led me to be conceived as a “mature” child, I’d hear that from aunts, friends, TEACHERS my whole life till I graduated, but then I stopped hearing that and i wonder how can I have been soooooo mature yet so emotionally immature now… is this normal?

[@stevecatanio8532]

I can do it! I can change!❤❤❤🎉🎉 I love Julia Christina with my morning coffee!!

[@antonboludo8886]

To be sure, the woman was out of line, but the guy was being overly reactive, which is to be avoided. Some people naturally remain calm in stressful situations, which fortunately is a learnable skill for others. "Take a moment", as they say. Stay in the present. Understand your share of the responsibility as well as that of others. All this seems easy in principle, but in the heat of the moment, emotions can trump rational thinking. Such things are simple to understand, but not easy to make a part of your default behaviour.

[@xdlr22]

Tbh I think he was just fine in doing it. He’s an adult man dealing with an adult woman. 🫠

[@juliakristinamah]

Absolutely - definitely one that needs to be practiced. The more we are able to be tuned into ourselves, and when we're starting to get reactive, the easier and smoother it becomes.

[@Maggytango]

Pause werkt. Vorige week moest ik bloed prikken en ik kon voelen dat ik erg gespannen en bang was. Na een diepe ademhaling was ik rustig en het bloedprikken ging perfect. Pauzeren werkt wonderlijk😊

[@VeronicaMxoxo]

I really appreciate how practical your advice always is while going deeply into topics! Great video as always 😁

[@chrisdigitalartist]

Thank you, Julia for this video, 5 quick Ways to Become More Emotionally Mature, this is a video I needed yesterday because I slipped again in my old reactive ways and not the emotional maturity that I know I could have been. I shared more in details about my take away in our Shift Society group page. Here are my notes: *Being emotionally mature means we can manage our emotions in any situation. *Ground responders instead of reactors. *Understand ourselves and others. *De-escalate conflict and improve our communication skills. * The ability to get our point across and solve problems, and resolve issues in a clear, calm and confident way. *Lashing out may feel good in the moment but can damage our relationships. 5 Steps: 1. To simply pause - If you are going into fight, flight or freeze mode and feeling overwhelmed and triggered. Take a pause, take a beat, step back. 2. Start learning to identify and naming your emotions - Ask what is coming up for you right now. Am I feeling scared, threatened or controlled? 3. Take responsibility for your part - Overly blaming others or overly blaming ourselves is not allowing us the space to take a step back and accurately assess what is going on. Understand what you did and own it and understand when someone else has done their part as well. 4. Thought Download - When you are feeling triggered, upset, annoyed, angry, frustrated, down, depleted, discouraged, guilt and shame spiral, or whatever it may be, get a piece of paper and write down whatever thought it going through your head. SFD or brain dump journal. 5. Get Curious - instead of being critical or judgmental to someone, get curious about and ask yourself, "I wonder what is going on with them right now?"

[@azuber2]

Great summary. Are you able to email this to me. It’s not allowing me to copy and paste

[@Marekcatholic]

Thank you Julia for this great video! I notice I became more calm over last good while. Its as though I dont have as much need for conflict as Im able to work with my emotions and generally feel more light on my feet. I loved the little slip btw. it makes you human, Julia :)

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes yes yes! I am celebrating you so much Marek.

[@Marekcatholic]

@@juliakristinamah Thank you! :)

[@edladner5922]

Hello Julia, Am in recovery from being empath in family of five narcissists where emotionall immaturity was role modeled.and i was parentified.

[@kierlak]

Curiosity - absolutely ! (as often people act in immaturely when their past unhealed wounds are triggered or their needs being unmet and same goes for us the way we respond/react). Great video. Great tips on how to respond to triggers. Would be great to do a follow up video on what can be helpful when it comes to inner work so we no longer get triggered as much. Things such as: inner child work, processing grief, forgiveness, etc. The reason I am saying this is that it's so important to learn how to deal with triggers/difficult situations etc but it's equally important to work on "diffusing the ammunition".

[@marilyn111111]

True, the woman was fearful and overreacted but still unclear how John “should have” reacted in the heat of the moment. Maybe he could have said “Are you afraid of big dogs?” - per Julia’s comment to become more curious. Very tough to do in the moment for over-reactors (like myself).

[@juliakristinamah]

He could have said something like “what’s going on here? You seem upset. Can we have a conversation instead of accusations?” Or “I don’t like the way you’re talking to me - I’m open to answering any questions or worries you might have about my dog, but please speak to me respectfully” These are both examples of clear, classy and assertive communication - that are aimed toward understanding and problem solving.

[@rja9784]

@@juliakristinamahI think his best reaction would be to say “Have a good day!” And keep walking and ignore her from then on

[@bobcranford7983]

Thanks for posting this

[@juliakristinamah]

You’re so welcome. Glad you found it helpful.

[@AprilDelRosario]

“… and chomp up her little fluff ball”. 😂😂😂 love it!!! Julia your wisdom is gold & your sense of humor as well!! I took notes & laughed at that line. Love it.

[@jasonscott1882]

Just have to say from someone who has confidence then lost it because of epilepsy. I appreciate all that you are doing❤

[@deec411]

I wish I had seen this before I damaged my relationship with my precious daughter. I've apologized many times but I'm afraid she will never be able to forgive me. 😢😢😢

[@user-ok8mr6qz7h]

This is incredible information I’m pretty introspective but understanding people’s bad behavior and reacting differently is key thanks for sharing

[@juliakristinamah]

You're so welcome. I'm really glad you found this one helpful.

[@shelleyletts7959]

Thank you so much. I never knew how much I needed you. ❤

[@HangVu-vj7hv]

Hi Julia. I love your advice and talks, thank you. I have and will continue to recommend you to my family and friends. I love your book. I find random pictures of random people rather distracting. I enjoy watching you and seeing your passion. Thank YOU for being YOU!

[@jaylaw.7660]

Love you, Julia!❤❤☺😘 You are an angel. Thank you for educating me on myself and emotional maturity! Love, Jayla

[@juliakristinamah]

You are so welcome Jayla - Thanks for being a part of my community here!

[@rev-ragoutdoors6593]

I don't generally make comments, but i must say, your videos are so ON POINT AND GREAT for me! Thanks;

[@juliakristinamah]

Thanks so much for your kind words. Really glad to have you here.

[@sabrinaritchie2929]

You remind me of a therapist I had as a teenager.

[@antonboludo8886]

Did your sessions with that person help you?

[@Wolf-Man88]

Hey Julia. I've watched a fair few videos and find them very helpful. I've been practicing managing my anger better and currently what it looks like is that.. I'll still get angry, but then I take a step back and think about what is really making me so mad and then I get past it quicker. The goal is to not get so mad altogether, but small steps haha. Thanks again for another great video 🙌🏽

[@johng423]

Going through some major emotional issues (mostly shame), and just found your videos about emotional maturity--learning a lot about what to do and why. A couple of thoughts while listening to this video: 1. SFD (13:23) May I suggest you refer to the SFD as the "Shifty" First Draft? Reasons: a. Sounds close enough to the word you didn't want to use that it will be easy to remember and use. b. Fits well with the name of the Society you founded. c. Reminds us that these thoughts/feelings are NOT unchangeable, but simply a quick record of raw data that needs to be processed. 2. CURIOUS (15:45) Is it OK to ask, "What makes you say that?" NOT with a tone of defensiveness or confrontation (escalating their strong feelings against us, their perceived "opponent")... ...but of genuinely wanting to understand more specifically what the other person feels and why they acted with such... let's say INTENSITY (because that word could apply to almost any feeling). Of course, this may not work--they may continue to react at the same emotional level. But if it works at all, it could bring some calm to the situation, enabling good communication. What do you think?

[@user-ok8mr6qz7h]

You’re really good thanks

[@christinawebb3016]

This video was right on time. Thank you!

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad to hear it Christina. Thanks for being here.

[@emptynesters2520]

Been following you for awhile now and definitely appreciate you so much! Excited to practice these ideas from a more mature understanding. Will work on tuning in and becoming more conscious about regulating my emotions. Thank you Julia!♥️

[@jamesmurphy3219]

Pause, notice and breathe. Perhaps the most important steps to stymie a reaction.

[@stevecatanio8532]

I feel Julia I will never be mature. People don't take me seriously. My only skill is Being ineffective. Lol..but I'm doing my best.

[@macoeur1122]

This seems to be the topic du jour and I'm loving it because I'm still struggling to define the difference between healthy, appropriate expressions of anger and those that just add to the problem.

[@rongike]

just my opinion but I think healthy anger doesn't go beyond frustration. I would suspect you don't notice or try to ignore when you get frustrated bc you don't think it's a big deal and then it gets bigger and becomes anger, but again that's just my opinion. I'm not an expert and it ofc depends on the gravity of the situation etc. maybe if you had a habit of ignoring frustration then your brain now just jumps into anger right away to get your attention 🤔

[@macoeur1122]

@@rongike Yeah...when I say healthy/appropriate anger, it's more along the lines of when you have NOT ignored your frustration...you've tried everything under the sun to resolve a problem only to be dismissed....or ignored...or invalidated...etc. I do believe there is a place for a kind of "slapping someone in the face",so to speak...(not physically)... to wake them up and to "clue them in that you do actually have some self respect.

[@rongike]

@@macoeur1122 yeah, that sounds familiar, and idk there's probably some boundaries that need to be set there, but I do think sometimes we just need to allow ourselves the compassion to just to be human and imperfect to get a message across. I think some people are at a place where they only respond to "tough love" and otherwise they're so consumed by their own issues, it's like they don't even realize other people are also real.

[@macoeur1122]

​@@rongikeYeah...One can usually resolve boundary issues with sane/reasonable people. I'm thinking more along the lines of toxic people. Those who just don't feel they need to respect boundaries... or those who already know "what a reasonable request is" (and yours is not one of them), etc.... To continue to "set boundaries" with such a person who just ignores them is foolish. Assuming this is a person you can't easily just walk away from (think "job" or "family", etc...) they obviously need an escalated version....Maybe a clear and pointed confrontation in the presence of others?....and then further escalated to the next thing if that doesn't work. I'm not suggesting we should keep escalating forever...but rather escalate in a way that makes them understand you mean business. And the phrase "tough love" just doesn't sound like what I'm referring to. Tough love assumes the offender is a child or an "underling" of some kind who is dependent on feelings of "belonging" when that may not be the case. They may be an equal or a competitor (think workmate)....or even in a position of responsibility over you and others and not acknowledging the needs of those they're responsible for (think parent or boss). I just feel that what's appropriate usually lies somewhere between "insufficent" and "over the top" responses. Discerning what's appropriate takes some skill, but it's far superior to just laying out a set of "rules" and thinking those rules will be wise and effective in every scenario.

[@rongike]

@@macoeur1122 yeah I didn't take this video as a set of rules, more like guidelines for beginners to start figuring these things out, but ofc every person and situation is different.

[@tarajoyce3598]

Obviously my phone just heard my argument with my elderly mother. 😅 Yep, at that point where she is feeling better so trying to push every button I have. I'm exhausted and over the constant, what I feel are, attacks so over I'm reacting. Regroup in process.....breathe.... just breathe.

[@adrianp891]

Thank you so much for sharing. Loved this video

[@bengrant1201]

I don't think I'll ever be emotionally mature. And I'll eventually have to learn to be ok with that.

[@elin_]

You can become more emotionally mature than what you were yesterday. A small change is better than no change at all. You can do it!

[@bengrant1201]

One step ahead then 10 million behind. Getting worse.

[@HealthyGuitarPlayer]

Stop telling yourself you cant because you can i promise

[@sumerwatson9220]

I have Adult ADD and emotional immaturity goes along with that disorder. I feel I have a double whammy. What can I do about ADD and this?

[@patriciatoth7715]

I'm with the guy telling her to mind her own business. If the roles were reversed she would have called the police on him

[@johnrainsman6650]

Sometimes in life, you have to remain mature, even if a person around you is immature. I had a coworker I disliked from the beginning (let's call him Tom). He started a conversation about a man's right to hit a femaIe for seIf-defense. I proposed a different topic. And he seemed a tad clownish and obnoxious during our shifts together. He did not make a good first impression. And I remember when approaching him and this worker in the kitchen. I said "Harassin the baker, Tom?" He asked why I thought that, and I said, "Because you're Tom." Later that day, during a lunch break, he sat far away from me and another coworker. I said, "Wow, you must really not like us." He gave a facial expression to indicate so, and when my tablemate asked what he did, Tom said, "You're fine, [name]." I realized this was about *me.* He'd been detached and quiet around me since that day. I remember when I complimented his haircut, he said "thanks" emotionlessly and I picked up on his dislike and that I must've done something. I didn't realize what I did. I spoke to the baker about it, since she was in the room at the time. She reminded me of what I said to Tom the other day. Now here's the interesting thing. Tom saved my life. I suddenly forgot about his "obnoxous" personality. I realized that I was wrong to have insuIted him. I had a reason to not like him, but I should've kept it to myself. But I don't dislike him anymore. He's a hero, and there is good in him, even despite the first impression and his lack of filter. And he had a right to be cold around me. He was wrong to talk about a sensitive topic at work, and I was wrong to imply he's a problem and _not_ get it when he was clearly offended. I didn't understand in the moment, and I didn't understand later. I had to hear an explanation from someone else. I should've been more tactful and mature. By the way, in case it influences anyone's opinion, I'm technically a female; I'm just non-binary and go by John. I know gen der norms influence opinions and "morals," (as Tom indicated) and I figured you all needed to know what I am first.

[@christopherrosado6053]

A silent glance....I don't feed the event... I have a " bubble " and "arm's" length distancing for all...my point the " World " is crazy, as long as they stay outside my bubble and I defuse event with silence, I am in charge... No one takes my peace.... " Say the name " Jesus " and the demons, kneel" [ crazy people]... they go away...my point....peace

[@ResonatedReadings]

Do you have the mention the shift society every minute?

[@robertduran3842]

You are a "Rockstar of Therapeutic Value". Believe You Me 🤓 I am at times very feather ruffled...an am quick to respond in that way you speak of. Not all the time." I'm like No you didn't ", " JESUS Take The Wheel ". Thanks Julia 😁

[@Joshdifferent]

❤

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

We are have regressed as a society .......

[@shelmyerson]

Do u take on clients?

[@mwgraley655]

Is there a place to pose questions?

[@Dezzyyx]

First, if you're new here: Me after like 200 videos: Yeah..... no. 😂

[@juliakristinamah]

A veteran! Thanks for sticking with me - appreciate you.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

You look gorgeous

[@karlienbinneman3776]

Karlien I am new here

[@fairygurl9269]

Just Paws 🐾 🧚‍♀️

[@juliakristinamah]

lol. Cute.

[@Trepanation21]

I feel that it's a bit misleading to title something like this: "quick ways to become" when it comes to these kinds of topics. There is NO "quick" way to "become" anything of this nature, Julia. You should know this in your field. People that need to hear things like this won't achieve it from "quick" anything, it requires hard work, all through the day, for _months_ *AT LEAST*. It comes with proactive experience _over time._ The people that need to hear and learn things like this don't need to be spending their time chasing "quick" fixes, they need to be guided with the truth of the endeavor. Now, that's not to say that the information you provide isn't valid - it's pretty healthy and encouraging stuff! But I just hate to see the good information getting mixed in with all the "quick fix" charlatans, of which there are T O O M A N Y in the various fields of online-accessible mental/emotional, and physical health. I just feel like I'd like to see more earnest, less click-baity entrypoints from the honest professionals... you know?

[@elin_]

I'm very self-aware nowadays, so I know that I'm not emotionally mature.. :(

[@lesliengo8347]

We label people who are entitled, demanding, and abrupt as a "Karen." We see a lot of people online who are recorded acting entitled. It is understandable for anyone to get defensive but it is important to interact with anyone in a responsible and emotionally mature way. Learning to be more emotionally mature is one thing, but applying all the steps in the midst of it all takes a lot of practice.

[@jasminmamimalik]

I don’t understand the premise of the whole Karen thing, I think it’s a pretty lame way of bullying. Some people, okay, but most people why are they being called a Karen for wanting things to be done the way they usually are? That’s like if you order food without pickles, then they give you pickles, should you take the food you payed for, the way you didn’t ask for it and not enjoy the food how you usually would, or ask for things to be done the right way so you enjoy your experience that’s on your dime anyways, would I be Karen for pointing out the things I didn’t order so that I can have it the way I did order it?

[@kufudokungfu]

He could of said speak for your Self 😅