How To Deal With Your Sad Anxious Friend w/ Ash Hardell | Hannah Witton

Ash and I talk about how to help your friend with anxiety and/or depression. Ash's video: • Hannah Witton ISN'T TO...
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End music: Thursday and Snow (Reprise) by Blank & Kytt

[@HeyThere005]

WONDERFUL TALK I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU.

[@mollykehoe1873]

Ash Hardell this made my day you too are so positive needed this Lysm xx

[@absolutelynotanyone]

Yaaaayyy! Finally!

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Next time you Hannah and Alayna are together, you should revisit the subject.

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Why was Hannah calling you Ashley and did i see wrong or is the name on your book Ashley Mardell?

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Is it normal to have a bad decade?

[@stuckinmyhomevideos9632]

Ash's sad voice reminds me of sadness from Inside Out.

[@indiand6460]

Home Videos SAME

[@liliesandtulips91210]

WAS ABOUT TO COMMENT THAT

[@alisonlaett9625]

I thought she sounded like eyore!

[@lovepink5501]

And Hannah sounds like Joy

[@BathroomJams]

StuckinMyHomeVideos omg she so does!!!!!

[@allisonsmith5364]

Ash's sad friend voice gives me life. Oh my. I love you both so much!

[@HeyThere005]

*said in sad friend voice:* Thank you so very much. That made my day a bit better.

[@georginah4110]

it is how i imagine napstablook talks

[@weronika_ewa]

You're like joy and sadness from inside out

[@evag-s5177]

She sounds like Eeyore

[@ireallyreallyhategoogle]

Ash's Grace voice made me think of Jiminy Cricket.

[@user-yh8li2tm8g]

wow this made me realise how different everybody's mental illness is! if i could give advice on this i would say: 1. treat me normal. people who are condescending often make me feel worse - although i know it's coming from a good place! i would actually rather you made a joke about my mental illness than pitied me or tiptoed around me. that only makes me hyper aware that there's something horribly wrong with me 2. include me. distract me. i literally owe my life to my friends who have kept inviting me over when i only pushed them away. example: i'm feeling like i could die from anxiety. a friend comes over and says: are you okay? you look a bit off. making me explain myself, possibly in front of other people. i'm gonna be so aware just how inadequate i am for the rest of the day. but thanks for your concern. vs a friend comes over and says: hey wanna go for a walk? i'm feeling like i need some fresh air. ... they are a literal angel and i'm so grateful. not have they just given me a distraction, but they also made it about themselves? wow. could also be something simple like 'can you help me with this?' i would LOVE to help you with that and feel useful. get my point? worrying/confronting makes me feel worse while treating normal/inclusion/distraction helps. i guess it's different for everyone.

[@jaydee9315]

another problem is being a sad friend and trying to help a sad friend

[@olivias.8301]

literally what happened to me today. :( I have a friend who is dealing with a lot right now, and they needed me to be there for them. I cancelled on them and I feel so bad.

[@jaydee9315]

Olivia Stufflebeam I'm sorry, I know how it goes, but sometimes if you're not doing well you do me harm than good to your friend

[@avidreader2316]

I wish I knew what it felt like to have never experienced mental health stuff and be happy and upbeat. Life would be so much easier.

[@dovestone_]

avidreader 231 ik I can't even imagine it lol. My mental health problems started at 4

[@avidreader2316]

+Katie Ahronson same. I've always been depressed and my anxiety is off the charts. Sometimes I want to wake up in a normal person's head who has never experienced any mental health issues.

[@xyakori7909]

And still not ignorant, because if I had to be ignorant to be upbeat and happy then not thanks, sticking with my shit

[@emmagrace289]

tbh i'm so nonchalant about my mental health history because I forget that most people are neurotypical. I'll just casually drop that I went to mental hospital at 14 and people are really surprised. I guess they picture some scary gothic building with bars on the windows or something but to me its just a place I went to get better, and honestly I wouldn't be here without it. Video's like this make me so happy because we all need to talk about mental health more.

[@anonymousyoutubecommenter7805]

DilemmaDraws this is so relatable tbh, I'll casually drop information because I don't think it's a big deal and everyone makes such a big fuss about it? like apparently most people don't live like this

[@kit1063]

DilemmaDraws I understand completely what you mean! I'm very open about being bipolar, and about when I am (hypo)manic or depressed, without realising that it's not something people are very aware of, and even sometimes makes them uncomfortable (not my intention at all!). As in, bipolar is in no way my identity, but, I have learned that although my brain is sick, it's also different, and (I hate saying this, but there's no other way to phrase it) there are perks of being (hypo)manic and even depression, so I am not ashamed at all. It's just a part of how my brain functions, but it's not *me*.

[@5wandive]

ADVICE FOR FRIENDS OF ANXIOUS FRIENDS: I was having a terrible panic attack at work one time - could not catch my breath/fucking rhino sitting on my chest - and my friend (who claims to have no knowledge of or how to deal with mental illness) said "What are you feeling right now?" And it was the most valuable, useful thing anyone has ever said or done for me in the midst of an attack. It 1. Made me feel less crazy and that everyone thought I was weird and 2. Brought me in to the present and allowed me to break down my emotions in a fairly constructive way. I was able to be descriptive at a point where I was pretty much I incoherent. I could say 'scared', 'humiliated' 'fear' and whatever else. Was a release as well as a way to confront and deal with the actual feelings as opposed to slipping further over the edge. Worked wonders for me.

[@MariaWilton]

Is Ash Sadness and Hannah Joy from Inside Out? Omg they even look like them! I demand a cosplay

[@lottiebastille3162]

Just a friend's hug or presence can mean so much when you just can't explain.

[@alienorfrei6867]

As an anxious person, I'd like to give you a few advices to deal with your anxious friends: •don't touch someone who's having a panick attack. It can seem like a good idea to hug someone who's panicking, but when you're having a panick attack, it can feel like an attack to be touch in any way; •talk to people who are panicking with a soft, but well assured voice; •to help them "get back in reality" and out of them thoughts, you can ask them to find tangible things in the place you are. The method that personally helps me is find: 5 things you can see; 4 things you can touch; 3 things you can hear; 2 things you smell; and 1 thing you can taste. Helps get back in your body, so also get back in reality; •try to find the trigger of anxiety and help them get away from it. For instance, I have social anxiety, so when I stop talking and start to look anxious, my mother always asks me if I want to get in a quiet place with less people; •remind them to not drink coffee, tea or eat chocolate. These are excitants that are absolutely awful for anxiety; •when they talk with you about it, you can ask how they prefer you to deal with them when they're having a bad anxiety moment, what are the sign they are not fine, what are the things you need to look for and get away from when panick is starting to come; •remember that most people who have anxiety are totally aware that their fear is irrational and out of hand. Therefore trying to reason us makes no sense and is very frustrating. We know we are overreacting, we just can't do anything about it (except lots of therapy), no need to remind us we do. Hope that any of these advices helped anyone who's trying to deal with an anxious friend. I'd also like to precise that it might very much vary depending on who you're talking to and the best way to know how to deal with your anxious friends is to ask them.

[@alienorfrei6867]

Hannah Witton you're welcome! If I can help anyone, it always makes me happy :)

[@alienorfrei6867]

Hannah Witton oh, also, breathing exercisesfor instance: 4 counts in, 4 counts keep, 4 count out, 4 counts keep

[@sarahjane9354]

Alili Wapiti Really? I find hugs and any form of human affection so helpful when I'm having a panic attack! I guess it's true that everyone does deal with things differently, so it's always good to have a conversation with that person about how they like to deal with it first. 😊

[@fresharche6227]

Oh dear Hannah...I am super depressed and am still outgoing and extroverted, my depression is completly differnt from Ashs. And I can put of a show when I am in puplic or can be happy at times but I am very tired all the time and sleep a lot and do nothing as soon as I am alone.

[@IoanaPristoleanu]

Hannah Witton I'm also extroverted, but one day during a depression phase I had to make a presentation at work, and people told me afterwards that they loved how I'm always so happy and funny... I was like what?! That sure isn't me... But I guess I always hide it and seem normal in public, or I even exaggerate happiness just to fill in what's missing - not consciously.

[@fresharche6227]

depression is different for all of us and I know a lot of extroverst that are depressed ecause about haf of my theatre group is depressed but we are still a bunch of loud confident in some part of our lifes (as there is no one whole confidence) assholes that have fun and bring you a hell of a show. there are a lot of myths out there about depression and that its being super sad is one of them ...for some its more like 80% emptiness 10& sleepy and 10% being commpletly not in control of your feelings and reacting inappropriatly sad/angry/happy/etc.

[@viku1361]

I am also extremely extroverted and outgoing, but I have depression and social anxiety. But it doesn't show, so no one would know at all if I didn't talk about it. When it was really bad around 6 months ago I would be much better when I was around people (like, when at work or with friends), often feel some pretty genuine happy feelings, but then as soon as I got home and became alone I got really bad. Like, not able to do ANYTHING (not eat, not shower, not clean anything...), and drown in self hate and obsessively think about killing myself. Depression is a really fucking tricky thing to deal with.

[@katchplain9233]

Fresh Arche see I relate to all you're saying and I myself am seen as an happy, positive, optimistic person. But I see myself in a completely opposite way, as I get really upset and down etc when I'm alone but pot on s happy face for others so I don't down their mood. I know I have anxiety and think I might have depression, which is tearing me apart and worrying me a lot

[@jessicakenagy2138]

Fresh Arche I have general anxiety and mild depression. My therapist tells me that people who are depressed and/or have anxiety are capable of being extroverted or social. I'm introverted but I am so capable to "pretend" to be so social. The second I get home I'm exhausted. All I want to do is sleep

[@isobelf1837]

My friend and I both suffer from mental illnesses that affect our productivity, and one way we coped over the Christmas break was to ask each other every day "what have you done today to make you feel proud?". Often, it would be "I got out of bed and brushed my teeth", or "I ate 3 meals". It's so important to celebrate little victories, particularly if those victories involve taking care of yourself. Depression often takes away the ability to perform basic tasks, so remembering that progress is relative and not everyone perceives achievement in the same way is important.

[@tristanroberts]

I'm very glad that you (Hannah) are acknowledging how you cannot empathise with a depressed person because this is one of the biggest stumbling blocks I've ever had when dealing with my friends who aren't mentally ill

[@anicaharris4376]

Give a depressed friend an excuse to cry. For example watch a sad movie and cry. Then they feel like they can cry. It works for me.

[@kadinzanga6919]

It really makes me feel better when friends ask me what I need from them at that moment, because not only is everyone's experience with mental illness different, most people's experiences differ day by day. Another thing that's helpful to a lot of people with mental illness in my experience is familiarizing yourself with your friends coping mechanisms so you can remind your friend of them if they're having a tough time.

[@charlottesreadsthings211]

I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and as Ash says, I'm the worst for beating myself up when anxiety ruins things. And especially when it comes to my partner I apologise so much for things I said/did/how I may have come across in a situation to the point where I worry so much and apologise for apologising. The idea of having someone validate you and say "you're okay, you're fine, you're not annoying etc" is such an important piece of advice, my partner does this all the time.

[@is-yn6jf]

legit hannahs brain is like the impossible perfect model. no mental illness, somehow super motivated and able to concentrate and get stuff done, smart, happy. HOW?

[@katietheunicorn]

When I'm down there's often a dip in my behaviour, and only people who know me really well will spot it. It means a lot to me when they do see it, and it really helps for them to ask, "how are you feeling today?" and be able to listen to me giving a proper answer.

[@ameliescherer1641]

This video is so great because I'm dealing with sadness and anxiety rn

[@marthaold1170]

Hannah i cannot tell you how much this is helping me. i have sent to this to all my friends to help them help me. i have depression and anxiety and they don't get me . thanks so much for this collaboration. I can't but into words how much this is going to help

[@Jess-xb2ow]

Can toooootally agree with the point about if you don't know what to do when your friend is depressed. My friends find it uncomfortable when I mention it (which is understandable, I mean it is a heavy subject to talk about sometimes) and I just feel like it would be less so if they asked what i wanted them to do. Sometimes just asking and being there to give you a hug or to just listen is enough. As long as I can tell you care, and you're trying to show it, you can't go wrong in my books.

[@katealex138]

ash's voice sounds like the sad emotion character from inside out

[@emilychamberlain8316]

The worst thing is experiencing anxiety and depression at the same time- that's a whole other type of rabbit hole to fall down. You care immensely whilst simultaneously not caring at all which completely consumes you (even more than experiencing one or the other in my opinion) and you feel like a zombie walking around in a fog with this constant feeling in your chest like you just missed the last step of the stairs.

[@katiemichael4577]

some stuff that I feel like is helpful is having someone reach out and just sit with me. They don't have to say anything, they don't have to know what to do (most of the time I don't either). When I'm sad or anxious I forget that my friends love me and I start hating myself and projecting that so it feels like everyone hates me. I just need someone to remind me that they're there.

[@sk8rgirlo]

I struggle with depression and anxiety, and sometimes it's just really nice for someone to come and hang out with me without putting any pressure on me to do stuff, like we can just sit and watch films or chat and it makes me feel so much better. Also just offering to spend time with someone while they do their normal stuff is great, especially if someone's going through a particularly anxious time and being in public makes them stressed, being able to chat to a friend instead of being stood in a supermarket on your own freaking out is so soothing. I'm going through a really bad depressive episode at the moment, and despite but super introverted usually, at the moment I only feel happy and safe if there's someone else with me, as soon as I'm alone the depression just descends on me D:

[@BathroomJams]

I am so glad that ash talked about turning in on yourself and not wanting to ask for help. And also how it makes you into a different person.

[@meganshindelus7415]

along with telling sad friends I'm here for them, I like to make sure they know they have my full attention and whatever they want to talk about I will listen to and try my best to understand. if you can't empathize, just listening can do wonders.

[@alexboothroyd4084]

Been living with depression for years now but I was never the 'sad friend'....I hid it well (so I thought), would never admit it to my friends, too much shame. Just acted 'normal', talked about the football, having beers, moaning about work. One day I simply broke down, and my friends reaction.....just 1000% supportive and wouldnt you know it, someone else admitted the same. No shame in it, I really appreciate this video, depression doesnt discriminate, it needs to be normalised not stigmatised...and in my experience this is happening, vids like this are a great help thank you.

[@lolnyny]

When someone is expressing their feelings, they really just need to be listen to. They need to let it out, and showing love is all they need from you.

[@KristanShuford]

When I'm feeling anxious, literally the best thing someone can do is make me a cup of tea and get me a snack, cause both those things kind of ground me and can help me take myself out of the sort of awful spiral of panic and frustration. Also, I have this one album I put on that always makes me feel relaxed and at ease, so I make sure it is always on my phone so that I can just close my eyes and listen if I'm feeling overwhelmed

[@S34U5]

I think the hardest thing for me, as I am right now, is that for the past eight years that I've been suffering, everyone I've spoken too has either dismissed me as not as bad as I seem to think I am, or simply said they can't help me, or don't know how to help. And it's not their fault, in that case, but it feels so much.. worse. To tell your friend how you're feeling and have them reply by saying they don't know how to help you. Or have your parent ask you what you want them to do about it, especially as a young teenager, because fuck if I knew what to do. So I've just stopped telling people, or reaching out, because everyone in my life knows and has passed it off and it's really hard to know where to go next.

[@allieconzola]

Ash is straight up Sadness from Inside Out, it's so cute

[@sbee8]

As the "sad/anxious friend" I found this really helpful and wonderful. I experience depression in a very similar way to Ash and am currently in an episode of depression, and hearing what Ash had to say about her experience really made me feel like I'm not alone in it. I think this video is phenomenal not only for those who are trying to be there for their friends with anxiety/depression, but for those who suffer from it too.

[@benlindsay9566]

amazing talk I would like to add that depression is like a storm but it is not about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain. hope this helps peace and love always :)

[@fiensteenbergen5120]

This is so important to talk about... If I ever get really depressed again I'm showing all of my friends this video! Thanks Hannah

[@rubytuckley9277]

This has come at such a relevant time in my life as a lot of my friends suffer with anxiety/depression and obviously I worry and care about them a lot. I do try to help them as best as I can but I always want to learn/do more so this was really helpful thanks Hannah! 😚

[@schultzcourtney]

This helps remind me to tell my sad/anxious friends that I'll be a crutch for them, yes, but they need to practice self care/love on their own.

[@oliviamiller-davis4667]

ash reminds me of sadness from inside out. so much 😂 the face, the glasses, the voice!

[@Indiaaiscool]

I think it's super important to listen. In my experience when I'm talking to people or if my friends are talking to me they don't want advice or anyone to solve their problems but just someone to listen to them and to feel heard. A lot of times anxiety and depression feels like a hushed topic that you can't always talk about so if given the opportunity, they just want to be able to explain and be heard without it being a big deal

[@valkyriemaiden9593]

When I'm depressed I really like to have someone who can remind me that this won't last forever and that I can get through it.

[@shauneevampyre]

I have pretty severe social anxiety so just telling my friends that I've been feeling anxious lately and to not take it personally if I don't socialise with them much or am not talkative (I don't say this face to face but by text or something koz I'm too scared... others might be more ballsie than me) helps me soooo much because I take away the pressure I put on myself to put on a brave and happy face all the time, and koz they're always so supportive it's just great to be honest with them, and to not bottle things up.

[@deemoore97]

Ash's sad friend voice sounds like Sadness from Inside Out and it's so adorable

[@spriddlez]

I will second the idea that the "It's okay to be sad sometimes" is very comforting. Also literally being squished seems to help me with panic attacks. I think it has something to do with blood pressure but it's an option.

[@ziemlichgut5360]

The happy friend who doesn't experience sadness or anxiety doesn't have to bear their awkwardness constantly all the time. I find it really helpful when my friends set their boundaries very clearly and say when they don't want to/ can't share my feelings or listen to my worries. I think it is because I know when they set their boundaries clearly and uncompromisingly, I don't have to worry so much to be a burden to them. So: BOUNDARIES! :) This way I know that when they say yes they really mean it.

[@oliviamiller-davis4667]

I wish I had hannah as a friend tbh she seems great. I think we'd get on so well

[@zahraandthepea]

Wow Ash and I experience depression in like the same way that's really comforting to know for some reason

[@Boop_Nicole]

ahhh i understand how Ash feels with a situation that takes your mood down

[@Bradley-lw5xz]

I'm diagnosed with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) and one of the most difficult things for me is people not understanding me even though I know it's difficult for people to understand unless they're going through the same thing. However, I find what really comforts me is when people show that they're at least making an effort to understand. I've had so many friends in the past who don't understand and don't want to and shock horror those friendships ended in disaster. My current friends don't fully understand me but they do ask questions and listen when I answer them which makes me feel massively supported.

[@aoibhk7786]

An old friend of mine who also deals with mental health issues is who I feel most comfortable talking about my problems with because even though we aren't that close anymore we understand each other better or at least can empathise. I think it's great to have someone to talk to who really does understand you, that's why I think if you don't have anyone who can understand you right now you should seek that out! Like going to a therapist or things like group therapy where you can be in a place where people can empathise with you.

[@mcstyles]

I realised this year that I'm a very anxious person and I have never dealt with this before, so I know I'm gonna come back to this video a lot, this is wonderful, thank you 💙

[@ivanwainwright2337]

#IAmTheSadFriend

[@cas_thefriendlyghost2156]

My best friend. She had anxiety, bad stuff, and one of her big things was getting claustrophobic in big crowds. So, if she needed a fork, I would notice and quietly get it for her. I didn't think of it twice but a year later, she told me that meant the world to her. So, I would recommend being there and helping to alleviate the anxiety, especially if you're in public and so on. Idk. Just my experience.

[@Kaylee.lastname]

These tips are big ones for me when I'm feeling depressed and anxious. It also helps to have a little time to recharge for me since I'm an introvert, but not completely folding into myself is the trick. Patience and reassurance are encouraged, but also I want a neurotypical friend to call me out on things in a safe space because my mental health can't be used to excuse all of my behaviors. It's just a weird balancing game.

[@breaghawolfgang1932]

You two are the living embodiment of Joy and Sadness from Inside Out. Loved this video so much, it's really great to hear from someone who doesn't experience 'diagnosed clinical depression' or whatever X

[@linsenbluetensalat]

Sometimes the best way to help someone is just to be near them. For depressed me the only thing that can comfort me at all is to know that I'm not alone in this and people are gonna take care of the situation when I can't. If someone can make me feel that way that's the best .

[@dawnhazell2697]

One thing I find useful as a sad person myself and a friend to other sad people is catching sad friend on a happy day and asking them what helps them particularly when they are in a sad episode. If it's a happy day then you asking will just make them happy because you've made the effort and also better deal with their sad days. Make a note (mental or physical) and refer to it on their sadder days.

[@shanemurphy3540]

Hey Hannah, it's really great that you're highlighting mental health. As someone who has a mental illness I really appreciate that you're trying to understand the different types of mental illness and being that to your audience. I think it would be a really great idea to continue making these videos in a sort of series if you could. While my experience isn't like Ash's, I do relate to Dodie's mental health issues and by talking to more people (*cough* Dodie) you could not only get another perspective and another mental health issue highlighted, but it could help you understand what a mental illness is and how complex, deep and broad they can be. Again love the video and i think you're great

[@rayne333]

I think the best thing you can do for a depressed or anxious friend is to just ask them what they need, and like Ash said just let them know you're there for them.

[@leviosa4302]

I have depression and anxiety, but I am also someone who is happy extroverted and independent, it's a confusing mix but I appreciate knowing that my friends care and want to listen but I also don't want to be treated differently or as if I am weak. So as a friend try not to be condescending but listen and let them know that you care.

[@Eitaklane]

For me personally, I also find it helpful for someone to ask me what they can do to for me or how they can be of help. Sometimes you just need someone to be in a room with you while you sulk, just to have someone present. Sometimes they don't need to say anything and just being present (even if they're ignoring you and are on their phone) is helpful.

[@applecrumbleabc]

one thing about depression that makes it hard to distract yourself by doing something fun is that nothing seems fun. last time i had a depressive episode all i could do was lie in bed, look at tumblr and watch one particular music video over and over. everything seemed completely uninteresting, watching a full length episode of a tv show seemed too demanding (i know how it sounds). i was so drained and nothing could make me feel excited about anything.

[@esterjulian9267]

I have anxiety and despersonalization and generally I feel ok but some day I just feel like crying. And I think that's ok, sometimes you just wanna sit down and cry. Also, I totally agree with Ash, you should tell your sad friends that your here for them and let them know that you care even if you don't fully understand. Great video

[@CherylCordingley]

Great talk! If a friend is depressed (not just sad about something that happened) it can be helpful to trust them. Trust that they are feeling what they say and that they know what the need. You can offer suggestions, but understand that they have been there before and know what helps.

[@galaxychar]

I will say that when I'm anxious I usually get upset or even annoyed when people try and be all "you're fine" because it isn't something I feel like I can rationalise or control, but maybe that's because I have disorders and it's kinda complicated for me. I guess just be aware that everyone is different and maybe ask them specifically what they need in those situations.

[@eviemann4632]

not knowing how to respond is ABSOLUTELY FINE like the fact that you dont hate me for talking about it is all that matters!! seriously

[@jennifercarter5896]

This is really helpful- thanks, I don't suffer from mental health issues but I have friends that do (especially one of them who has it quite badly) so this advice is useful, thanks

[@TatumN7]

As someone with depression (who recently released a video on it wink wink nudge nudge) I have opinions! I personally feel super awkward when I know someone doesn't know what to say, because I feel I'm affecting their mood in a negative way, which in turn makes me feel worse. I find someone just being comfortable in silence is amazing for me. As an introverted person, I can find silence quite comfortable, and knowing that there's someone in my vicinity who cares for me but is perfectly fine not talking about it or anything is actually a mood booster for me.

[@dovestone_]

Tatum 1992 same, I just dumb it down and don't tell them when it's v bad lol

[@moviechickk102]

I work at a shelter for homeless and runaway teens, and we've had a huge influx of clients that are LGBT+. We have our first trans client moving in next week, and his case manager bought Ash's book and it's in our staff office now. I flipped through it this morning and can't wait to get a second to read it more closely (if I'm ever left along long enough lol). THANK YOU for helping my workplace be a little more inclusive and loving

[@lucyfleming8700]

Ash's advice on how to help an anxious friend is what I needed to hear last year, to help but to not allow your friend to use you as a crutch, that's what my ex boyfriend did and it sort of fucked me up a bit because all his problems then became mine as well and I got ill from it all too

[@ellie3173]

This video is brilliant! I'd also say that to help a friend with a mental illness just saying that no matter what time of day it is or whatever is going on you're always there for a chat and a hug and reiterating that they are not a burden is one of the best things for me at least xx

[@natalieparker9710]

One thing that is super important to note is that there are highs and lows that come along with depression. To someone who has never had depression, it might seem that your friend is happy one day and is sad the next. Please know that this does not mean that they are faking their depression but rather that some days are better than others. As far as anxiety goes, respect people's boundaries. For example, if your friend has severe social anxiety and wants to leave during a party, respect that decision. But also don't be an enabler. So encourage them to go out with you but once they're out, if it's too much for them, then respect that and let them leave.

[@Em-eo4qf]

When I'm feeling anxious, I find it helpful for someone to just sit with me and not talk. It sounds awkward, but if you literally just sit there in silence and like have contact with me in some way (e.g. rest your arm against me or hold my hand or whatever) and remind me to breathe occasionally, that's the best thing you can do. People like to try to make it better, but I like to work through stuff myself whilst being reminded I'm not on my own.

[@99_mg]

The best advice I can give to those who have depressed friends is not only to reach out (whether they are extroverted or introverted- if you know they're depressed ask about one-on-one time. In fact do that for all your close friends if you can, because you never know what someone is going through), but ask them what they need/want you to do. Sometimes they'll say nothing, which you can respond to with "let me know if that changes I'm here for you and I love you", but I've found more often than not providing an opening at the very least allows people to vent. You can also check in on some of the things that vary most amongst depressed persons- how much are they eating and sleeping? Have they been cleaning and showering? Is it an episode where they crave distraction and that's effective or are they unable to enjoy those things and feel worse as a result? This will help inform concrete advice and action that can be provided on your part IF your friend is open to it.

[@allisonhealy3285]

My depression and anxiety spiraled out of control my junior year of college. I was too ashamed and scared to tell anyone I was failing and struggling. It would have been helpful for me if I had a friend come to me and tell me they were concerned about me and ask if there was anything they could do to help rather than just abandoning me because I didn't respond to a text. Go to them, because coming to you can be scary.

[@MissEllenMarie1]

When I'm feeling down I like to remind myself that it's just chemicals. It's not because I'm pathetic or not good enough, it's literally the chemicals in my brain being a bit out of whack. Rationalising it like that usually makes me feel better.

[@fabiennesimonse243]

Something that helps me when I'm feeling anxious or depressed is to be with someone but low key, like they sit on the couch while I cook or we're both studying. So I don't feel too lonely but still have no obligation to interact because we're doing our own thing

[@sarap9431]

One thing to definitely avoid is trying to hard to fix it. Even if you're just trying to be helpful often times a depressed person is going to interpret it as "I need you to be happy right now" and it just adds to that "I'm a burden" feeling. I hope it goes without saying but don't get frustrated at them cause they're sad or can't say anything nice about themselves. Don't take it personally it's just an internal voice telling them they don't deserve happiness.

[@xcluelessbeautyx]

I needed this so much today. :) I find that I turn to my friends and family who have dealt with mental health issues vs. those who haven't because they understand more. My current partner does not understand, but has learned what I need during my anxious times vs. my depressive times. My advice is just to ask them what they need.

[@bekd4550]

Something that people don't address as much, I think is some of the angry/irritated symptoms. I'm not an angry person and I'm not even usually that quick to get annoyed, but when I am really anxious or depressed, I can get irritated very quickly. So, I end up being very short (and distant from the anxiety). It's usually towards people that I am closest to unfortunately (I think it has to do with being able to let my guard down more around them. Not that I'd rather be irritated at them, but when I have to put on a neurotypical face everywhere else, they end up seeing more of me. And being short to strangers would wind up making me more anxious). So, if they are short with you, you'll want to know how to deal with that.Try not to take it personally and if they are acting that way a lot, gently point it out. If they keep doing it, remind them again and maybe be specific. If its something that does really affect you (especially if you also have a mental illness), tell them. Don't over-do it, but be honest and say "when you do x, it makes me feel y". Maybe they need to step away or talk to someone else. That's okay. And if you have to step away whether youre mentally ill or not, listen to your own boundaries. Even if they arent acting irritated. Sometimes hearing so much sad stuff or potentially triggering stuff, you have to take a break. While helping your friends is good, don't do it to your detriment. Maybe give them resources or find another friend to talk to them if you can. But remember that your mental health matters too.

[@italiang11]

I super relate to Ash's experiences I always turn in and get into a spiral of negative thought.

[@kickasskat79]

Lovely video! One suggestion I'd like to add is that if your sad/anxious/mentally ill friend is not already seeing a professional (therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist/regular doctor) for help, encourage them to do that. Normalize it, talk about how it has helped you or other people you know (irl or online). If they're nervous about it, offer to sit with them when they call or call for them, or even go to the appointment with them.

[@clotildevivier8650]

lol ash made a vid with every single british youtuber in the course of a few days IMPRESSIVE

[@trashcan-romancer]

I totally relate to what Ash is saying, this will be great to share with my non-sad friends. Awesomeness!

[@IndigoUna]

this is extremely helpful! I'm more in Hannah's position than Ash's so this has helped a lot in terms of understanding how to express effectively the sympathy I have for my friends when they are down. thank you!

[@SebWhitaker]

So I've been thinking a while after watching this video and I think I'm ready to form together my thoughts. Two things I would like to start off by saying is that I am very glad that Hannah is having this discussion on her channel, especially by having someone with mental illnesses come on and speak about it as opposed to her neurotypically ranting on about it by herself. And I also think that as she is ultimately an ally to the community of people with mental illnesses, she isn't going to get the proper language surrounding it all the time 100%. Saying that, however, I really think that Hannah needs to better her language around these sorts of things. While mental illness might be something you have to deal with, people with mental illnesses are not just something you have to deal with. We're people, and while I get it can be hard to know how to best respond to our mental illnesses because you ultimately love and care for us and want to provide us with kindness and safety, "dealing with" us isn't the best language to describe this. Continuing with improper use of language, Hannah refers to Ash as "Ashley" throughout (and as "Ash" a few times, but I digress), when her name is no longer "Ashley" but "Ash". This might seem like something so minuscule and unimportant, and I do think Hannah was just slipping up, but by using a trans person's (correct) name, you're showing them a basic amount of respect we deserve. Deadnaming us, even if unintentional, could potentially trigger some dysphoria or trauma we have. And while this isn't from this video, but from the video they did on Ash's channel (I came here from there), while I get that Hannah might just be attracted to men and women to varying degrees, a simple nod of acknowledgement that other genders exist but that these are the two genders that she is attracted to can go a long way. All too often I see bisexual people and people who have attractions to two or more genders being attracted to men and women, which I believe is fine, but then perpetrating a lot of non-binary exclusionary rhetoric. I'm not saying that we need anyone's validation, but I very much get the feeling that Hannah is not even considering that there are other genders besides men and women. Drag me, @ me for all I care, that's how I feel. She might know that there are more than two genders outside of the conversation of attraction, but in that specific conversation that Hannah and Ash had in Ash's video, that was the feeling I was getting. Ultimately, I am grateful that Hannah is attempting to better herself in terms of knowledge on mental health issues and LGBT+ issues, but at the end of the day, I really think she needs to put her words into actions and get the ball rolling, so that the next time she has these conversations, whether it be on her channel or not, she is better equipped to at least use the right language and terminology.

[@LonelyMind]

If I get depressed I shut everyone down tho its still nice to recive warming texts I dont like to talk that day or hang out I just lock myself in. Its good to get like invites the next day to crack the nutshell I built myself into so its easier to let go of the sadness within myself and then get distracted.

[@collectivemmind]

10:27 I think this might be the most important point, I feel like no matter what kind of depression or anxiety one might have it is SO important to let them know that you believe them! for me personally it was especially hard to talk to people about what I was feeling because I was afraid people might not believe me or think I'm just seeking attention or that I have to "prove my sadness" as Ash said. I know many people feel like this, and it makes it so hard to get help

[@LuminousRose29]

I am sending this to all my friends so THANK YOU ❤️❤️ You are both wonderful

[@absolutelynotanyone]

Two of my favorite people!!!

[@AncientEmma]

Ash I'm the same way- I've only had a couple of major depressive episodes in my life, with smaller ups and downs. Recently got diagnosed and put on meds though, you're both such an inspiration, love you two!

[@UrbanScalawag]

I needed this video this week. Thanks Hannah and Ash.

[@tynllan1]

I love this! as a VERY anxious/Maybe possibly idk depressed person with a best friend who suffered from many mental health issues I feel like this video gives me tools to talk to them about their things and also gives me tools to reach out to my friend for help when I need it x love you guys!!

[@racg174]

Something that always happens when I'm depressed if personal hygiene and my cleanliness become way worse. So if you live with a depressed person helping them do their laundry or wash the dishes with them is really helpful

[@notlikewater]

This is so encouraging and helpful, thank you. I want all of my friends to watch this.

[@LuisElkes]

You're channel inspires me a lot Hannah and you're one of the many you tubers I've watched forrrevverrrr and contributed to me starting my own channel... Love that you're talking about mental health. Such an important thing xx

[@fiionabee]

I feel like depression can come out so differently in different people - I had a good friend who became a house mate who was depressed, in the kind of way that she didn't seem to believe that I was having problems (probably as close to depression as I've ever been) myself. It got to the point where the negativity in te relationship was taking such a toll on me that I had to distance myself from her. On the other hand, my boyfriend has depression, and while I felt very sad and helpless every time he had depressive episodes, he's never taken it out on me. Perhaps I didn't deal with my friend so well, but for the people trying to support their friends, it's important to look after your own mental health too.

[@JohnSmith-fx6xh]

I got a proof copy of your book so I've already read it and I must say it's amazing! 10/10 would recommend!

[@notlikewater]

I really relate to what both of you are saying. I feel like Hannah when my friends are having low days, but I feel like Ash when I am feeling low. It's really hard because I want them to help and I want to help them, but our depression/anxiety/both/stress manifest differently and we need different things, so it's hard sometimes to know what will help. Also, when they are low and things you're doing aren't working, it's hard to feel like you are helping since they don't seem to be visibly better or when they say "Hey, stop that doesn't help." Obviously, listen to them and what they are saying, but also don't let it beat you up. It's not your fault they aren't better, and it's not their fault that they are sad in the first place. It is what it is. Sometimes, it is nice to have someone just there with you as you ride the wave, trying to make you smile or reminding you to eat or just making you feel loved when it's hard to feel anything at all.

[@RachelKatWalsh]

as someone with anxiety, what really helps me is someone believing me. i've had friends who just get really frustrated at me when i can't do something, since they're neurotypical and can't understand. just BELIEVE the person with the mental illness when they say they're being affected and that they can't change how they're feeling. i've tried telling friends this, and all i've gotten back when i've tried to explain how my anxiety is preventing me from doing something is either frustration/annoyance or "you know you've got to go outside your comfort zones otherwise you'll be in your 70s and full of regrets" like, i don't need to know that?? this is not a comfort zone thing, it's a mental health thing??? you are not my therapist or my life coach??? just try as i might, many neurotypicals only perceive my experiences as irrational, which they are, but they can't understand that i can't overcome that like they can.