How To Discipline a Teenager That Won't Listen

Many parents dread the time their children turn into teenagers. But that shouldn't be the case! In today's episode, let's talk about how to properly discipline a teenager and not make them feel apprehensive about it. There's a right way to do it, so stay tuned!
Watch and Enjoy!
Nicholeen Peck
Teaching Self-Government
Key Moments in this Episode
========================
01:08 I used to do foster care for troubled teens
02:03 Ways teens don't listen to you
04:20 Step 1
05:14 Step 2
06:41 Step 3
08:05 Step 4
08:43 Step 5
What To Watch Next
========================
How To Get a Strong-Willed Child to LISTEN
• How To Get a Strong-Wi...
Resources
========================
Get our toolkit here:
teachselfgov.com/toolkit
Learn more about us here:
teachingselfgovernment.com/about
Check out our upcoming events here:
teachingselfgovernment.com/ev...
Like us on Facebook!
/ teachingselfgovernment
Follow us on Twitter!
/ teachingselfgov
About Nicholeen Peck
========================
Despite your best efforts at raising children, is your family dysfunctional? Do your children set the rules and have control of your home instead of you? Are you looking for parenting skills that will help you create a united, happy family?
Then meet Nicholeen Peck, one of the world’s most effective parenting experts. Whether you want to fix child behavioral issues, create more unity in the home, or simply strengthen your family relationships, her proven system - Teaching Self-Government - can help you turn chaos into calm.
"People are starving for help to save their families," says Nicholeen.
Since 1999, her seminars, workshops, one-on-one training sessions, parenting videos and books have helped thousands of families worldwide regain peace, be happy and maintain unity in their home. The secret? Learning how to use effective family systems based on parenting that’s deliberate and pro-active (instead of reactive). It all starts with the principles of self-government. If you’re a family of faith, you’ll especially love how your faith and values can be woven into her parenting system.
In 2009, Nicholeen and her husband starred in the BBC reality TV show, “The World’s Strictest Parents” (watch here: bit.do/StrictestParents). She became an overnight sensation by turning around two out-of-control teenagers from England after just one week - without shouting, threats or manipulation. Her amazing success comes from the positive parenting techniques of using calmness, effective communication and principles of self-government.
Nicholeen Peck’s Accomplishments
========================
* Author of “Parenting: A House United,” “Popular Parenting Methods: Are They Really Working?,” “Roles: The Secret to Family, Business, and Social Success” and many other books and magazine articles.
* President of The Worldwide Organization for Women (WOW).
* Nicholeen regularly speaks at the United Nations and other congresses around the world as an advocate for strengthening families and motherhood.
* In 2009 her family was featured on the BBC reality show, “The World’s Strictest Parents.
* Trained as a foster parent for Utah Youth Village.
* Has parented many troubled foster children.
* Successfully raised (and raising) four children of her own.
Testimonials
========================
“Her loving parenting techniques work with ALL children.”
Kristi, www.thankfulme.blogspot.com
“Thank you for your insights and solutions. They have helped my family so much.”
Michelle
“My husband and I have started implementing some of your techniques, and our house has been so different!”
Julianne
“I feel that my children respect me more. I will be eternally grateful for what I have learned from Nicholeen Peck.”
Michelle Baker
“If you want to forge the strongest family bonds possible, to repair damaged relationships, and redeem a child that seems completely lost, then this program IS for you.”
Sandra
========================
Video by Nate Woodbury
BeTheHeroStudios.com
/ natewoodbury
#TeachingSelfGovernment
#Homeschool
#Family

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

How to Calm Down a Temper Tantrum - kzbin.info/www/bejne/h2jbpZeHZc6emsU

[@thomasclarkson6222]

Are you talking about English teenagers or American teenagers

[@IronSwordRBLX]

Why am I watching this? I am a teenager.

[@aimeegregory5033]

Same

[@walqqr1]

Me too lol idk someday i might have kids, so i wanna know this kinda stuff

[@Sweet-rf1is]

same :) but i have to help my parents raise their own kid.

[@VictoriaMadeira]

😂

[@tanielejohnson6794]

You're smart

[@casualobserver4536]

I wish I had this information 10 years ago!! I grew up abused, and swore long ago that my own kids would never have to feel inhibited or fear of me.. so guess what..absolutely NO discipline whatsoever; well did THAT ever backfire!! Now I have a 16 year old who calls the shots and treats me like dog doo, like I'm her personal, ignorant, maid...and now I'm afraid it's too late to begin setting down rules and respect...

[@beckymesterhazi4624]

It's never too late,Maybe go to counselling together?. I'd threaten to kick him out if he carried on. I hope it gets better for you hun x

[@mauimeowi]

It's not too late, it's just going to be much harder. Bringing in a 3rd party with new rules might help (a therapist or mediator).

[@rahnuma11]

Why would you not discipline at all?? There is a middle ground.....🤦🏾‍♀️

[@floatingintheairaroundyou10]

It's never too late! Lay down the law!!!!

[@marijketimmermans3913]

Like I'm reading myself... horrible..I just want a relationship with him... I hope I do a better job with my 2 other sons, cause it is so sad what I did to him... not having a father around makes it extra hard... I am sometimes scared of my own son, so I am scared to put down rules and hold them... but we have to stick to it momma.. for his, and ours, bestwill.. God bless ❤️

[@whatwasthatfor1552]

I'm literally 14 and trying to teach my twin how to not throw a tantrum every time someone talks to her, my mom has a hard time disciplining her.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

That's awesome! It could be helpful to tell your mom to go check out teachingselfgovernment.com and learn some of the skills and principles there. There's also a free Calm Parenting Toolkit that could be helpful for everyone: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ I hope this helps!

[@gmy33]

have deep talks about feelings and emotions and laugh about it .. she trust you stay together its an awesome power .. its also natural to need to learn these emotions and how to handle that .. good luck !!

[@444khanz]

Thank you I'm a teen and I rlly wanna learn how to obey my parents and be a discipline child

[@Alwayslearnimg]

U have lucky parents. I’m a single mom amd I’m not sure what to do…

[@mercyfox9693]

You're a nice child. God bless you

[@glocca]

@@Alwayslearnimg im 21. My best advice as I look back at mistakes and the great things that my parents did that would help you; the biggest thing I can say to you is respect. Treat your kids with respect and earn theirs. Be down to earth if a problem happens catch them in a one on one moment when you guys are really getting along and say “hey this is a problem for us I want to fix it” or something along those lines. You will have their full attention. I feel like that always worked with me probably since the 3rd or fourth grade. Don’t just do it once. Say that sparingly but when you think a correction needs to be made. Again kids demand respect and they don’t realize it and adults never respect kids. Teens dont want to be treated like kids anymore but be there loving for them. I hope this helps🙏🏼

[@renarich4942]

Fr tho

[@MelissaJoyArtistry]

Have them watch video. And just listen to them. If, however you feel they are hurting you, neglecting /abusing you etc you should watch videos on the subject & get familiar with what that looks like (from anyone) and if it looks familiar, tell a teacher or other trusted adult. But overall this sounds like your parents are on the right track & you should just listen.

[@Kristin_MommyBreakdown]

My friend is having trouble with her teen. Sending this to her. Thanks!

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm glad you found it helpful and I hope your friend did too!

[@filizjohnson2059]

I have a 16 year old that will literally not do the things he needs to or been asked to and does things I’ve told him not to or he knows he shouldn’t be. I have a endless daily cycle of repeating myself. He is 17 this year and I still have to remind him to have a bath spray deodorant not take plates and bowls/food to his room and he will still try and take meals up to his room. Ask him to wash out the bath after his used it or just to clean up after himself with making food picking up shoes/clothes. His been shown and adviced how to do things and why it needs to be done and he will wake up the very next day and it all happens again. He will expect me to sort things for him or give him things after I’ve spent the last 4 days repeating myself over the same thing. It honestly feels like there is no end. I am 7’months pregnant and am fearful of what it will be like when baby is here. He has a habit of waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me he can’t sleep or if I’m having a nap he will wake me up for trivial things. I honestly see no end

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You've got quite the situation there! The full answer to your case is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!

[@emmaruby6750]

Thank you!!! I’m a mother that will listen to any advice at this point. I’m trying to learn better ways myself, the Pre planning is explained well. I appreciate this video

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Well, I'm so glad you found my channel! I've got lots of advice. :) If you would like some more information and to go deeper, please visit my website and see what I have to offer. Here's a few links to different parts of my website that might be helpful: teachingselfgovernment.com/ teachingselfgovernment.com/podcasts/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store/ I hope this helps!

[@Lerato_M]

Let me listen, I hope I find a solution

[@kraev1n]

My teenager is far more extreme. He leaves the house late at night, steals my car, wrecked my car… and won’t listen. I’ve disciplined by taking phone/internet, etc. he still continues to ignore. He’s 17 and friends/family say I should just kick him out if he won’t respect me and follow rules. How do you consequence based on that?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It sounds like he's not being given he opportunity to fully own up to his behaviors and accept the negative consequences that follow. By taking things away from him, you're doing things TO him, which he doesn't have to take responsibility for. When he has to accept negative consequences that are laid out ahead of time and parents are consistent, then he has no choice but to take responsibility for the consequences of his actions. I go into a lot more detail on these things in my book and in my online TSG Parenting Course. Here's a couple of links, if you're interested: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store-category/materials/ And here is a phenomenal free resource that could help you, as the parent. teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ Anything you try to help your child with is something you should be willing to fix in yourself.

[@kraev1n]

@@TeachingSelfGovernment Well he lived with his dad before and came to my home to live and I guess he didn’t expect that his dad and I talk and would keep the negative consequences consistent between households. I have been very consistent and upfront with him about his actions and any consequences. For some reason with his dad and I both, he just thinks we will give in, evens though we don’t. And in spite of having the two households, we talk and try to keep everything on the same page. We have resorted to having family talks where we are both on video chat with our son once a week to go over his responsibilities and consequences of him not following through on his responsibilities. I don’t know where his sense of entitlement comes from but even though he has lost the privilege of a car at first his dad’s house and now mine, he still assumes he will be able to drive and do whatever he wants. Neither his dad nor I have raised him this way. I am a pretty calm parent by nature. I don’t easily get emotional and am very direct and loving when I correct my children. But since he wrecked my car, this teenage son of mine has done everything to try my patience. Even my two older teenagers have tried to step in and advise him and he won’t listen. Thank you for the link to the free class. I have signed up and will get started.

[@elianagreen1273]

It helped me a lot!!! Thanks for sharing

[@jutkafarkascatchthef]

Thank you so much for this educational video your training is very profound thank you again

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You are very welcome.

[@Talktoustoday]

You give good advice but you are also a great speaker and make it easy for the viewers to stay hooked! Good job!

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Thank you so much! I appreciate that!

[@ralphnestorowicz4934]

Think like a teenager. It seriously would make your life easier

[@drzerogi]

Fantastic advice.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Glad it was helpful!

[@luciaacosta8001]

Thank you so much!

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You're very welcome! Thanks for watching!

[@crazybellagirl1779]

Wonderful tips 👌 👏 ❤️

[@vaulttec5519]

My 17 year old sister in law is going down a bad path and my in laws are doing absolutely nothing about it. I try to talk to her as much as I can but I feel I’m overstepping and that it’s not my place. It’s so frustrating because I want so bad to give her the structure and support I had growing up because my in laws don’t, I just don’t know what to do. I try to talk to my gf about it but she basically raised her and is now growing tired of being the only one trying to take action. I just care about my sister in law so much and I want to see her live up to her potential and it just sucks.

[@highercallingtreeservices8300]

None of this advice is" in the moment." As a professional behavioralist, I would concur with these statements. However, it's most important to understand that these are skills, relationship, dynamics, standards, etc. That were trained into place over a long period of time. It is extremely difficult to take an undisciplined child and discipline them. We need to be training self-discipline for as much time as we have with him. Whether that's a short period of time with fostering, a limited period of time with adoption, or lifelong with biological children. We need to raise our children All along the way. With love and respect

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I love your thoughts! You're right on the nose saying that my advice isn't for right in the moment. It takes time and some planning ahead, for sure! Lots of teaching moments and teaching about changes before they happen. But the nice thing is that, like you said, we are raising our children while we have them, no matter what. It's never too late to learn and implement skills and principles of self-government. To help people in their efforts, I offer an online TSG Parenting Course that has helped so many people worldwide to learn, understand, and apply these skills and principles into their homes, as well as schools and classrooms. If it's something you'd like to look into, here's a link to it: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!

[@elviracatipay8587]

Thank you so much...

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You're most welcome!

[@zebblackdeathkiller2412]

am a kid and from my point of view you a very good mom mam

[@xxv3rn5xx42]

I think I am at a loss with my 15 year old daughter. She is a social butterfly, thats fine, she has a curfew of 5pm on school days. I've informed her my door locks at 8pm other days. She has broken the 8pm rule, things got heated and I haven't seen her now in 2 days, which usually is pretty normal for her. She thinks she can fight her own battles and that she can always defended herself. Any other day, she will walk anywhere as thats her mode of getting where she needs to be, yet when I refuse to pick her up because she broke the 8pm rule, she then tells me that I victimise myself. She tells people lies about me and just does not appreciate anything I do unless I am spending money on her or giving her stuff. I am lost with what to do next...... her being under my roof, isn't easy, we were making it work but, every week, all I hear is I'm sorry, but the behaviour doesn't change. I've now said no and put my foot down, and I dont know where she is now, not since Sunday night

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You've got quite the situation! I'd love to respond here, but the full response would be too long to type up here. I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!

[@catherinedouglas9845]

Wait, that means I am not the only one going through it with my 16 year old. Well, the good thing about my situation now is the she is now living with the father. I am so happy she is not in my care now. It was the hardest thing…

[@DAbd-wc2yw]

Every time I ask my son to help me at home, it ends with quarrel and nervousness, and every time the same thing he says that he is oppressed and that I am a cruel mother and I do not love him. He was embarrassed to deal with him because his brother started imitating him

[@heidigone]

I really need these videos.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm glad you found them!

[@erisweetheart8156]

Thank you so much 💖💖💖💖

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You’re welcome!

[@marisolnegrete1152]

Great advice!! Thank you.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Glad it was helpful!

[@annettestevens9082]

Teaching them is one thing, If they refuse to learn then what?

[@NN-hl6nt]

I wish it was that easy. You tell them we need to talk they respond "get out of my room" and keep saying out out out. It isnt that easy to do eye contact and anything else when a kid is just not willing to communicate or start screaming at you, blaming you and just shout!!!

[@rajashreechoudhury7155]

Yelling also is another thing which is horrible

[@rodolfopresa2821]

I am a an adukt that grew with a lot of conflict with my dad. I am no expert and I still dont havr kids, but if I can give you an advise; Listen to your kids. Listen to them, stop and ask questions. Don't try to correct them. Just listen. That makes a huge different. My dad never listened, he just wanted to correct everything everytime when I just needed someone asking questions and listening.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Great advice! I love listening to my children and to others who are struggling. But that often isn't the answer to fixing the root of a problem. While truly listening is a key component, loving correction is needed to address why the problem is happening in the first place.

[@susanaferreira2076]

Best advice!

[@joshuaallen5453]

What if they refuse to follow the punishment or the rules or literally anything you say or do???

[@teapea85]

Exactly. This is my 14 year old through and through. When hes punished, I get assaulted or my house trashed. I cant bare it anymore. Its domestic abuse

[@erynemarcelo277]

I'm watching this after ugly crying bc my brother just don't listen and it ruins me the whole day.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm sorry you choose to allow his actions to impact you that way! It's always best to choose happiness and calmness. You've got this!

[@bhardwaajmohabir9147]

My teen never listen to me any more.What can i do.I am tired of his attitude.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!

[@emillawoods-pg1yq]

Thank u for this video am struggling with my kids all age

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You're welcome! You've got this!

[@elizabethsuiugan5483]

How to approach a teenager that leaves home and comes back...back and forth

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

That is a great question! The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!

[@andremorales394]

I’m 14 and I answer anyone that is talking to me and I process what they are saying and I make sure I have eye contact lol

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

That's wonderful! Keep it up!

[@fromashestoangels378]

Not gonna lie, I've exhausted every idea I can think of other than putting my hands on my kids and striking the fear of God into them. However, as a person that grew up through some very traumatic abuse, I fully know and recognize the consequences this can bear. Resentment, the child becoming violent themselves, closed off, and so on. I've never been a believer in showing children the way to handle problems or get people to listen is violence. This was done to me and I assure in my younger years had nature not taken my moms ex husband out, I most definitely would have. I actually planned it out for a couple years and had every intention on going through with it but nature ran its course and ended him. I at this point in life forgive the man and have let it go. So now that being the friend parent, the lets talk and identify the problem parent and the physical parent are ruled out, I'm stumped on what to do.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You're not alone. I'd highly recommend either getting the TSG Parenting Course or signing up for one of my three-day intensive trainings. Those would be the best things to help you. Here are some links to those, in case you're interested: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-mastery/ I hope these help!

[@Lisa-ub6zl]

Did you listen though?

[@Alwayslearnimg]

He just simply won’t talk to me about any of it he just starts getting angry immediately when I say let’s talk. Screams at me or he hit something like sure. I really I am at my wits end. Currently he’s going to spend more time Time with his other parents but it’s making me incredibly sad.

[@SlayerRiley]

Thanks, God bless :)

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You're welcome! God bless you too!

[@alicemartin3819]

What do I do when my teen son lives with Grandma and she allows him to do whatever he wants. She bought him a car AFTER he crashed the first one. He stays out all night, she doesn't know any of his friends parents phone number. He doesn't go to school. I gave her custody 10 years ago because I had cancer, I live a mile away and have been in his life. But when I step in to try and give him consequences, they team up and shut me out. He isn't speaking to me because I called a parent one night looking for him. I have begged her to start acting like the adult, but she won't. I worry about him. What can I do when he lives with this woman who allows him to live like a 30 year old man?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It sounds like she doesn't understand the role of guardian/parent, which means she isn't fulfilling the role she's currently in. This happens a lot. I would set up a talk time with Grandma and son about roles and reestablish/set boundaries and expectations for your relationships in the future. Make sure it's established that this talk is going to happen calmly and that you won't become upset and take the conversation in an emotional direction. If you'd like to learn more about roles, you can look into reading my book, "Roles", which can be found on my website. Here's a link: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/roles-hardcover/ Hopefully that helps!

[@SheilaTrueLove]

You didn't tell parents what they can do when they insist on disobeying. What are the CONSEQUENCES? That's the most IMPORTANT part.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I probably did share something, but when they insist on disobeying, I go into what I call the Rule of 3. Here's a video describing how to do it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z3a5iomdjM59qsU&pp=ygUWbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZSBvZg%3D%3D Sorry for the late response! I hope this helps!

[@countrylifesbeauty]

I am a sister of my teen sister. She has involved her in a love relationship when she was at 6 th grade with a bad guy and after we have scolded her she tried to comitt suicide after that we tried to bring back her to right way behaving good way but now she is in 11 th grade she involved in several relationship with many guys and when we found that she again attempt to commit suicide.What to do my parents are so frustrated and sad😢

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I would start with recommending to you and your parents the Calm Parenting Toolkit. Then, if they're looking for more, they can look into my online TSG Parenting Course and the Support Group. Questions are actively answered and one-on-one opportunities are there. Here are the links: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!

[@jenniferflores5739]

What happens of the child curses at you and no matter what you say to them even if you tried to talk to them they still curse at you and they won't come home and they'll spend time at their friend's houses and they'll define anything you say to them

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Wow! It sounds like this child has been enabled a lot and has become entitled. From what I gather, they don't understand their role in your family or your home.

[@VanDhingTV]

my heart was saddened over my first born, when we let him do his part in the household chores, that's when the problem set in because he doesn't wanna do anything...

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It sounds like there could be some entitlement issues and possibly a misunderstanding of roles. I go into a lot of teaching and detail in my online TSG Parenting Course. Here's the link, if you're interested in learning more: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!

[@amberlamplabarge5287]

Im watching your videos but the problem is, my ODD 15 yo son doesnt just yell ir be strong willed, he screams, calls me names, tells me to f off, storms off, breaks things, hits people, etc so its so hard to stay calm when hes hitting me or his little sister. Our saftey is more important at that time!! I wonder if my son is beyond help sometimes. He drinks, smokes, does pot, etc. I literally cant sleep at night cause i have to watch him or search the city cause he sneaks out. Cops have even been involved but he just doesnt care!! He has no phone no tv nothing and doesnt care!!

[@LisaCapron]

Your first point immediately was a turn-off. This will NOT work with kids with autism or many other neurodivergences. Eye contact is physically painful for many of those kids and the act of forcing eye contact actually prevents them from being able to listen to you.

[@oldskoolrave4969]

Agree. My ADHD/ ASD son is the same . Jumped off the video after step 1 . 👋

[@AJ-es5yd]

Well this is what percentage if the child population? 5%?

[@typicalairhead6846]

Jesus, this is how I handle my relationship with my husband. I just thought this is normal thing on how to correct an adult. I didn’t know this is also applicable to teenagers lmao.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

All the skills we use as adults can (and should) be transferred to our interactions with anyone of any age. Great analysis!

[@susanaferreira2076]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@lol-ps3jd]

There is a lot of power in that name :), use it wisely and God bless you with your dicipline issues! It can be quite exhausting and I pray the Lord will help you in Jesus name! Amen!! 😊

[@spiritualaries4500]

I am not gonna let my teen yell over and think she is in control of me. That is her testing me. And if someone let me tell over them I would not have respect.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

There's definitely some truth to what you're saying. It's important that respect is taught, along with roles.

[@TheMoonkelly]

For step 3, I can do all but give the consequence. My spouse and I do not see eye to eye at all regarding discipline and boundaries. My spouse believes the current boundaries that she had when she was 8 are just fine and believes our 11 year old daughter is not manipulative and playing parties against each other to avoid accountability. Myself and the pros (therapist and tutor and several times her teachers and 504 team) believe the total opposite. My daughter knows all of this and takes advantage. So how can I bring this process you mention to fruition with my spouse working in opposition?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response! That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!

[@raquelreyes2011]

What if your daughter yells at you when you are trying to correct them on something?

[@MelissaJoyArtistry]

Stop being scared of your own daughter & be a parent. So what she yells? That's enough to make you recoil into submission? No wonder she does it to get what she wants. You are teaching her how to treat you

[@Kdavi2612]

Growing up in a Hispanic household “intensive teaching” was called getting an ass whooping

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I helped a family from Puerto Rico where what you're describing was 100% their culture. They implemented Teaching Self-Government with their 12 children and have loved the positive change in their home!

[@jennjo822]

Someone please help 😭 my 14 year old daughter is out of control. She steals from me, lies to me, swears and calls me names, constantly disrespects me. She is my oldest and I don’t know what to do. She dosnt have a cell phone. What do I do !?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ You can also look into my online TSG Parenting Course, which guides you through creating a foundation for a self-governing family and teaching adults and children skills and principles to promote logical thinking and calm, happy interactions. teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!

[@lucianoserafino5872]

what are some good consequences you can give to a teen that wont listen? what works for you?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It isn't about punishing teens. When one of my youth ever earned an extra chore, it was something to help them learn cause and effect. They were things like emptying the trash, weeding the garden, sweeping and mopping floors, etc. Samuel Smiles, in his book "Character" states that "Work is the antidote for a sick character." So, that's what we did. When extra chores were earned, we worked.

[@isabellesebastiansadventur1858]

Can you make a visual video for theses techniques “act it out “?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Thanks for asking! I've already made videos that role play what this looks like, but those videos are in the courses that I offer on my website. I can't share everything for free! :) Here's the link to my website store so you can go look at what I have to offer! teachingselfgovernment.com/store/

[@isabellesebastiansadventur1858]

@@TeachingSelfGovernment That’s great for you I guess. I’ll keep looking on KZbin for more options. Thank you I guess….

[@amandaharrison4038]

Will you do a video where you share your ideas on what you do with bored teenagers? I want to get them interested in doing other things than the video games when they are bored. We have a 30 minute limit but what else can I suggest for them to do when they ask? Because we have rules on the games they think we are a boring family and don’t want to have their friends over for fear of being made fun of for not being allowed to play whatever and however long they want. Any advice would be wonderful! :)

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Good idea! Thanks!

[@slpcrisslp]

I think it's to late for my sister iv tried all this before watching this video and all I'm getting is it'd to late. My mom just gets walk all over by my sister.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It's not something that happens and consistently succeeds overnight. Effort and persistence has to be there too. I hope that helps! If you want some more resources, check out my podcast! teachingselfgovernment.com/podcasts/

[@vibin-stan4648]

My mom never listens to me since we got to the uk she makes me knee down on the floor and hits me . She wants to send me back to nigeria in few months please help me. My aunty and sister are all planning to send me back.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I don't know enough about your situation (family culture, social culture, etc.) to give you specific advice, but I can tell you one thing: the only person you can control is yourself, which means you can choose calmness and maturity. You can choose to show love for someone, even if they are choosing not to show it to you. You can decide that you aren't going to continue with the same behaviors that you're surrounded with if they don't match what you feel is best for you and your family. You can choose to improve yourself by deliberately learning skills and principles that will help you become a better, more well-rounded person. There are lots of options, even if it seems like there aren't. This option that I offer for free has been a huge blessing for many people, whether they have children or not: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ I hope that helps some!

[@RickTheScientist]

So what are the three disciplines?

[@glocca]

As a 21 year old at the end of my growing up phase. My best advice being in the middle of teens and real adults is treat kids with the same respect as anyone else but be affectionate and loving. Its a tough thing to do. The problem is teens desire the feeling of importance and feeling respected but dont know what it is. Like that first time drinking pop all you know is you need more.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Thanks for your thoughts. I don't know enough about your situation (family culture, social culture, etc.) to give you specific advice, but I can tell you one thing: the only person you can control is yourself, which means you can choose calmness and maturity. You can choose to show love for someone, even if they are choosing not to show it to you. You can decide that you aren't going to continue with the same behaviors that you're surrounded with if they don't match what you feel is best for you and your family. You can choose to improve yourself by deliberately learning skills and principles that will help you become a better, more well-rounded person. There are lots of options, even if it seems like there aren't. This option that I offer for free has been a huge blessing for many people, whether they have children or not: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ I hope that helps some!

[@thesetruths1404]

There needs to be one of these for disciplining citizens who don't want to listen too! 😂

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy? The best thing to do is to govern ourselves and hope that others are learning the skills and principles they need to do the same. :)

[@thesetruths1404]

@@TeachingSelfGovernment I don't know about that fully. There has to be mentoring, more than silent actions, at least in the beginning.

[@rosalizy2701]

This didn’t help , so my brother is teenager and he does listen but don’t follow so it was hard to my parents to handle him and they tried everything like punishing him , deep talk and even toke him to eat pizza with a talk and still no progress my mom asked me to help because she can’t understand what is happening to him. help 😭

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It sounds like there might be some inconsistencies and a lack of understanding of Roles in the home. There could be things that need to improve and change on both sides of the relationship. It also helps to not take things personally. Here are a few links that could be helpful: teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store/parenting-a-house-united/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store/roles-hardcover/ I hope that helps!

[@buttercups616d]

Why am I watching this? I’m 22 with no kids

[@thestudiousstudent5158]

Help, i tried this with my troubled teen and now they are a dog, now what?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm not sure I understand...

[@caddycallaghan]

What happens if the asking for eye contact gets obnoxious mocking glaring of eye contact?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Great question! You would simply correct this, since it's not a calm face (which is part of the steps to any of the Four Basic Skills). teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope that helps!

[@Dahyunschannel]

Here I am a 20 year old watching this in order to help my mom with my brother 😫

[@babylal5i]

I heard this parents that have this huge issue with their 17 year old guy and he is into drugs, legal stuff, abusive langguage and acts towards his parents. They are desperate, what should they do?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Great question! I would recommend learning how to get calm and stay calm, which I teach in my "Power of Calm" class, then learn skills to improve the marriage bond, as well as the parent/child relationship. Here is a link to find a few things that could help: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/tsg-parenting-course/ teachingselfgovernment.com/store/power-of-calm/ I hope this helps!

[@el-bk6tw]

I just tried to take my 13 year old daughters phone as punishment for being rude. Believe me this does not work, tried & tested explosive awful never doing that again without even listening to the video yet lol

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response! There are lots of people in situations similar to yours. There's hope! You've got this! teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/

[@marybowers6090]

My kid is always the victim. Every birthday or holiday doesn’t deliver what she needs to be happy. I’m at my wits end.

[@laurajohnson8881]

Pls help. I have an ADHD child who compulsive lies and sneaks tech at night over and over . How do I handle especially the later

[@mariadeshields8083]

What if they absolutely will not look at you? Absolutely not?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

That's when you would do a correction. If all of the steps for whatever skill is being used isn't done, a correction needs to happen.

[@etoshajohnson4542]

🤔

[@KingKatura]

To be fair foster kids are alot different from your biological kids. Alot of the time they act out because they were stolen from their parents sometimes rightfully and alot of times illegally. Theirs lives get turned upside down family ties usualy attempt to get cut off, most will end up with mental issues, drug attics in their later years, jail n such and worse like hurting themselves or others. And that's all assuming that they got lucky and weren't physically,sexually, and emotionally abused in previous foster homes and kids jails and homes. Which happens more than it doesn't unfortunately. However I do disagree that foster kids crave punishment, because like I said most of them feel like the world ended and are just being used by people for thier own gains primarily because of the state and for profit kids jails n homes. If your a good one and you got a good one you can probably get away with it and feeling like it's the case. But with them it's pretty hard to know anything because most of them are emotionally destroyed or shut down. It's a big problem in the United States which is why a huge majority of foster children who now grown are sueing the state for what they did to them and winning. Biological kids most of the time shouldn't have that extra issues that foster kids do which is probably why most foster parents just throw them on tons of medication. I mean I do gotta admit it's alot harder dealing with foster kids than it is most biological kids. Plus your a stranger and they are in a strangers house in their mind for a majority of their life. So if you manage to be a decent one and not just in it for the money than grats cuz I'd wager it's hard to do and theirs not many good ones so keep it up.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Thank you for your thoughts. I know in my case, I truly wanted to make a difference in my family life and in the lives of the children I fostered. I cared deeply about each child I brought in and am still in contact with a few of them. It was a very meaningful time for everyone involved.

[@me-th7ds]

Ur so pretty and great advice Godbless you

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Thank you! God bless you too!

[@sheenakoerntgen7618]

And ive tried everything

[@lovechallanges1608]

My teen is 14. She ALMOST never washes her dishes or picks up her mess. When I calmy tell her too. She ALWAYS says. I thought I did. I usually tell her. Nicely. To stop being sorry and just fix it. This is a continuous thing with her.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

This sounds like a kind of manipulation to avoid responsibilities and consequences.

[@tiffanyflood945]

Everyone take his phone away but we live in chicago and that gives me his location 😫😫😫😫

[@monkewithinternetaccess6107]

Good advice, but sometimes you need to look at your own behavior, and see if you might need to change some things. Treat your kids like objects that exist to obey you, and they’ll resent you, and avoid you at all costs. Give them unconditional freedom, and they’ll become spoiled brats with no concept of consequences. There’s a healthy balance that all parents should be aware of.

[@ameia88]

What is the script you say and what are the three consequences?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Great question! Here's a video that should help with your question: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z3a5iomdjM59qsU If you need more help, there is a lot more information on my website: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/ I hope this helps!

[@andremorales394]

The reason why most teenagers do this is because the parents don’t know how to raise them

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

This is true. That's why I'm here!

[@mjacob8512]

You obviously don't have kids 🙄

[@anastasiar9625]

I am so tired of my daughter at this point I really can’t looked at her and want her out the house so I can raise her brother in peace. She stills, lays and manipulates every station, even her male counselor is now afraid and recommended a female counselor for her.

[@hamsahealinghands5423]

I’m on her same boat my son has a counsellor he told me to send my son to live to with his father and just give up on him

[@sandeefithian5701]

look into my eyes when i talk to you she types she smiles at her phone she stares away then walks away . says no. starts to push me me screaming get your ass back here her slams and locks door

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It sounds like some major power struggles happening in your home. The Four Basic Skills and correcting intensive behaviors would help you a lot in this situation. I go in depth on those things in my online TSG Parenting Course. Here's the link of you're interested: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!

[@nikolaivladykin3289]

sometimes i literally tried hard to break the rules of my parents 2-3 years ago. i wish they had found your yt channel 😀 really good advices, ma'am!

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I've talked with other people who have tried similar things, just to get their parents' attention and feel love and concern from them. I hope everything is okay with you and your parents. Maybe recommend my channel to them!

[@chozenegra2674]

Noble instructions but all these methods have failed me. When you're a father thats not in the home and the other parent sets no boundaries and is determined to make you look like a jerk it's a losing battle. My daughter is in for a hard life and I can only hope that she don't screw it up beyond repair. She already has tattoos and last week she stayed out until 7 in the morning without calling. She's 16 years old.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Dual, separated parenting is always a tricky situation and can be very difficult to have consistency in anything for the children. The nice thing is that, no matter what the other household is doing, you can choose to be consistent in what you do and change to become better and more self-governed. I have faith in you!

[@girlwithflowers8058]

I watched the video twice to make sure I understand everything, and twice I felt deeply uncomfortable. While these rules probably work in some cases, they would absolutely not work in countless situations, from dealing with neurodiverse children to children with ACEs or those with high sensitivity. The only rule that might cause some downregulation is eye contact, but this same one would cause severe discomfort and possibly outbursts in neurodiverse children.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

This would be a great topic of discussion for my Support Group weekly calls! Please submit it! Here's the link with more information about my Support Group: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope to hear from you there!

[@mercyajah8587]

Teenagers of 17 years to 23 need to be taught a lesson.

[@carissaplustwo]

So what are the 3 consequences? I m struggling with my 14 year old son.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response! I'm assuming you're referring to the Rule of 3. Here's a video that explains more about it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z3a5iomdjM59qsU&pp=ygUVbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZW9m I hope this helps!

[@dcully5457]

My son doesn't want to get counciling,how can I help him understand it will help him?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!

[@javaproperties9646]

Unfortunately, all these 5 steps do NOT work for my teenage son.

[@dipalidhanak3524]

Then how to handle teen if my husband him self didn't learn to talk eye contact with wife who is married for 15 years

[@sorrymrgoogle2601]

Number one thing to get people to listen to you: people ALWAYS listen to someone so long as you listen to them. Genuinely. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You've got a point! There's no point in starting a power struggle with anyone. Nothing gets accomplished. But, a key factor is making sure that you set up ahead of time that calm communication is key. Then be consistent. Thanks for your comment!

[@TheMoxin]

Are you not considering mental illness? So many teens undiagnosed but living with very real trouble in the household. How is that just about listening? I’ve listened. It’s not nearly enough.

[@natalieskyddad2265]

What about if they have autism and doesn't like to look in the eyes?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this. That is a great question! The full response to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!

[@powerofknowledge7771]

This was good info, but some sample scripts would have been really helpful.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I have all of the TSG scripts in my online TSG Parenting Course, which can be accessed here: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ The reason I don't share them on these videos in full is because you need more info than is just in the KZbin videos for them to be fully effective. You need to learn about tone and the 5 teaching styles for parents/adults, as well as the Four Basic Skills for children and adults. They all go together. I hope that helps!

[@latetodagame1892]

So, how many Navajo kids have you worked with?

[@algenismorillo2843]

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@liamholmes9169]

If i had teenagers that misbehaved, I would ground them for a month as they would stress me out.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Some people do that, for sure. Being stressed out because of someone else is actually a selfish thing. The person feeling stressed is often choosing to let others influence them and are taking others' behaviors personally. There's a tip in this video that helps to illustrate my point: kzbin.info/www/bejne/p6mzf6CqitZ7kKM Start at 9:41 (titled BONUS TIP!) I hop this is helpful for you!

[@ancid4650]

What about back talking?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Great question! Back talking means that they aren't calm and that they're not disagreeing appropriately (which is one of the Four Basic Skills that I teach). Back talking needs consistent correction, otherwise it will persist. Here's a link to my video on the Four Basic Skills to help you get more familiar with it! kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y4GcdIyElLekfKM

[@santanapage5044]

I'm ready to give up, this isn't fun at all,I don't have the energy, I'd rather get a bit bull from the shelter

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response. I don't know enough about your situation (family culture, social culture, etc.) to give you specific advice, but I can tell you one thing: the only person you can control is yourself, which means you can choose calmness and maturity. You can choose to show love for someone, even if they are choosing not to show it to you. You can decide that you aren't going to continue with the same behaviors that you're surrounded with if they don't match what you feel is best for you and your family. You can choose to improve yourself by deliberately learning skills and principles that will help you become a better, more well-rounded person. There are lots of options, even if it seems like there aren't. teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ I hope that helps some!

[@wge621]

Watching this to help my petulant husband...

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I hope you find some information that helps!

[@niggawandi]

What science is that advice based on? From what I have studied, those steps are a direct contradiction on how to develop a teenager.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

That's a great question! Everything I teach is based in years of study and first-hand experience. I've incorporated information from countless studies, articles, and psychological perspectives. It's a beautiful mix of scientific and spiritual influences and inputs.

[@barbiejeanandong3901]

Why I'm watching here ? I am adolescence 😅

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It's never too early to learn principles of self-government!