How to Find Your Personal Style When You’ve Never Had One

[@jemi_]

Thank you for all of the amazing thoughts, experiences and advice shared in the comments section! 💕 If you would like to familiarize yourself with your personal style beyond this point, or you're curious about topics related to personal style, make sure to check out my playlist:kzbin.info/www/bejne/q2emhaWNa5dlkJY I'm excited to keep making this type of analytical content, so if you have any requests/suggestions, please let me know!

[@tyallgaier]

as a trans person I appreciate the inclusion of gender and sexuality! It has a large influence on who I am and how I dress. Growing up I wasn't allowed to wear anything I want and now I get to make my own personal style, which is SO fulfilling!

[@jemi_]

I always want to create a safe and welcoming environment in my content for the LGBTQ+ community 💕 So glad you're finally able to fulfill yourself, it really does wonders to many aspects of our lives! 💗

[@MisterAnonymousOwO]

Coming from a gay man from the Philippines, fashion in general is rather looked down upon here for men, not only due to the focus on practicality due to weather and finances, but also due to gender stereotypes. Fashion is seen as effeminate here, and any way to deviate from that norm will get you called homophobic slurs or an attempt to demasculate you. Even among fashion spaces online here, there tends to be a greater focus on styles that emphasize masculinity, a focus on brands or specific aesthetics, and certain rules you have to follow to fit in, even if you want to dress up outside of the style they pre-selected for you. I was always allowed to explore my style as a kid, especially with an abundance of secondhand clothing stores near me. So when I started shopping for myself as an adult, it didn't take me too much time to stop feeling like a poser in what I wore. However, that hasn't really stopped the comments about my style being too "extra" or "gay." This includes simple things as well, such as wearing a hat or wearing a thrifted shirt from the women's rack instead of the men's. College has been a blessing for me in that I can finally explore all aspects of my style in a safe enough environment with people who do accept my queer identity. However, it is rather privileged of me to have this environment and to be able to explore my style this freely, and many queer people in my country often don't get this luxury, either financially or culturally.

[@jemi_]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience❤ I had a hunch that fashion for men was considered as "bad" in most places, but I wish we'd get over the gender stereotypes already 😩 I think parts of Europe have gotten better about it over time, but it doesn't take long for me to be reminded of how little we've accomplished in all this time in those areas overall. I found NYC to be very refreshing in that aspect, some of the most fashionable people were men and non-binary individuals, they were just ✨STUNNING✨I've definitely noticed how even skincare and makeup, when tried to be sold to a male audience, is always turned into a masculinified (idk a better word) version of the product so men wouldn't feel "weird" about basic things they think are exclusively for women. 🙄 And I'm so glad that despite sh*theads trying to bring you down, you stayed true to yourself ❤ But I hate how so many of us have been hurt by gender conforming and patriarchal systems😞 College is definitely something I also considered a safe space, because it allows us to explore and learn more about ourselves outside of our little bubbles at home ☺

[@kawaiidere1023]

I'm a man from Texas. I think a lot of my style is informed by a dislike for enforced societal standards. I dislike uniforms so I love wearing baseball caps (they also work with headphones and keep hair out of my face/work), tight pants like leggings or baseball pants, extreme shirts (tank tops or non button up long sleeves, I want to be completely protected from the sun or feel the air on my skin), etc. I grew up Christian before realizing how much I dislike the church and how hypocritical a lot of it is, so I stopped being Christian. I definitely dont want to be associated with that crowd, so I avoid red (Republican Party brand color) unless I'm balancing it out in some way (blue, sunset colors, or white and black). I also dont like jeans because of how theyre often required for events that want to seem casual (denim is a great material, but it reminds me of stuff I hate like how florescent lights remind people of hospitals. I think I prefer a mix of sexy, active, and punk clothes because a lot of patriarchal logic denys the sexiness of the male form (Im also gay and have large genetics, so I dress for what I find hot about men and because Ive realized I like how my body looks), I need to be able to move in my clothes (walk/bike long distances, go outside, carry things, bend down to pick things up, etc), and punk because its cheap and easy to do (plus I like rebellion and dont own many clothes that truly fit my deepest preferences because I dont buy much and the clothes I like are not very available where I live and secondhand). I do have the very usual man color palette of white, black, and blue though because thats what clothes come in though. (Especial cheap packs of clothes for underwear or basics). I think for other men, it really depends on their relationship with male beauty standards and such though. I'm gay, so I care more about attracting men than women and can also appreciate more aspects of my body, but I'd imagine straight men would probably think more about what they think women like or seek approval from male friends in a non sexual way. I also dislike a lot of the culture I was raised in (people are nice, but people that over romanticize the past or the rich are annoying), but I imagine men that dont feel the same dislike for it would be more likely to like historical costume adjacent items. Mens clothing available in person is really boring too, the sections in stores are always kinda small and dont have much variety, so I wind up shopping online, but I think other men probably wind up either choosing from what's available in person or shopping online as well. Edit: note about thrifting: I'm 6ft 200lbs so they dont often carry my size in much interesting. I think Im like a 2X in woman's jackets, so they rarely have items more interesting than generic mens wear. They do have good underwear at the one near my house though (its new ofc, just more interesting than at the store). In general the things available in person are too modest for my preference though Edit 2: no hate to people that are religious. A lot of extremists just use relgion as a facade to justify violence against normal people, which makes me want to distance myself from them Edit 3: for the questions at the end: Left, left, either extreme, either extreme, left, left or either, either extreme, right since I want to be able to handle extreme heat and extreme AC everywhere runs

[@jemi_]

Thank you for your insights on fashion in your world! Re: dislikes, this is why I encourage people to initially explore their dislikes, because it will help them find what they liked more easily! Re: religion & gender, I've noticed how religious associations + gender roles played a huge part in how my style developed into what it is now - I wouldn't say my style necessarily pushes against most patriarchal systems etc, but I've definitely been labeled as "extra" and you don't wanna know what some people have said to me in a church😭 I hate Finnish "masculinity" because it's super toxic (they're not allowed to visibly feel any emotions, can't talk about their feelings, can't stray from "masculine" fashion etc etc), I think it has really harmed a lot of my guy friends who had more distinct or "different" personal styles. It's getting better, but slower than I hoped. I feel you about the whole "what's available locally" in stores, I struggle finding my more whimsical/ethereal clothing where I live, or at least for any decent price, all the vintage pieces get marked up like crazy in my local thrift stores. I'm so glad though that you're dressing the way YOU want no matter what anyone else says!

[@katpat-rice]

another personal style video from jemi?? today is a good day ❤ the whole reason i found your channel in the first place is because my environment/climate just changed drastically. i got promoted at my job and moved from the satellite office in california to headquarters in washington state. i’ve never had to dress so professionally, and i’ve never had to dress for cold weather having lived in one of the warmest and sunniest states. i moved with basically no clothes since they were all too light weight and/or casual for washington. i’ve been trying to buy and thrift new clothes, but it’s been hard to keep my personal style (which i was better at placing/describing after i watched your videos) in this new environment. i keep reaching for things i can’t actually wear to work or outside. but i’m being patient and when i find something that sparks joy and fits my environment, i take note of that. i noticed i lean towards very structured fabrics like denim, corduroy, and thicker leather. i think these days i’m dressing a bit 00s, but not like the past it girls, more like… disney channel 00s 😅 it’s fun though and it keeps me warm while still being stylish

[@jemi_]

Oh wow, that's a pretty drastic move! I had an office job for a while, but the dress code was pretty relaxed, so I never REALLY had to dress in complete corporate fashion. I'd definitely recommend getting some thermal layers from Uniqlo (if you haven't already), especially the thin ones you can use as bottom layers underneath other clothes. It gives you some more flexibility with your styling options, and I love it because it allows me to wear my skirts/dresses during the winter too. I do have some videos on how I keep my style throughout the winters if you want to check them out! I definitely understand though, my personal style is not one that alongs with winter weather, so I always find myself feeling a bit "dulled down" during winters. I actually never watched Disney channel because it wasn't available where I'm from, but I know exactly what you're talking about!

[@katpat-rice]

@@jemi_at the california office, people would wear shorts and flip flops… definitely not acceptable in washington 😂 i did go to uniqlo for layers! i’ve always seen ads for their heat tech but never needed it until now. i didn’t know you had videos on keeping your style in winter so i’ll check those out. yes the “disney channel” look is classic, you’d know it when you see it even if you’ve never watched disney channel😂

[@nerissacrawford8017]

I came to incorporate a lot of military officer style. Like the fancy ceremonial style. Not into government, I am anarchist, eat them, but I would lie if I said they do not look sleek AF. Think like fetish leather and latex, the y2K style and the 90's runway. Like Balmain and Mugler. Black and red and sexy. Feminine but with masculine power edge. I use this in home decor and my artwork as well. The world is my runway and art gallery. It is so exhiliarating. 'Walk, walk, fashion baby, make it work, that bitch crazy' ~ Lady Gaga, Bad Romance > is the vibe

[@jemi_]

You had me at 90s runway! I totally get what you're saying (and I agree) - that's the nice thing about fashion in most cases, you can morph it into something of your own (even if its origins are somewhat iffy). I love how fashion really can be an art form too, if we let it be.

[@livi5167]

Cool being so cute in this video 🥺 From the perspective of religion, one of the things I've noticed is how creative people can get with fashion within religious guidelines and how that interacts with other influences. For example, being Christian I've gotten really into layering in an effort to be more modest, but I also live in a very warm climate. Trying to balance these two has ended up resulting in most of my favorite outfits, styled with pieces I would have never thought about! I love seeing people develop their personal style in a way that connects to their beliefs

[@jemi_]

Just wait till the next video, he took over 2/3 of it, he's the star of the show 🐈‍⬛You have an interesting take on religion and style! I've definitely found easy ways to wear some of my favorite outfits to more modest occasions (whether it's respecting my or someone else's religious beliefs, I wore pretty modest clothes during my vacation to Japan too because of the many temples and shrines). There's a line between disrespecting a religious space and wearing something another individual in that space doesn't like/is a bit too into (thanks, patriarchal systems...), and I think I've come to a point where I've found a good medium :)

[@slothbunny3382]

If you haven't seen it you might be interested in larme fashion its a Japanese style thats quite feminine and elegant but more casual than lolita

[@jemi_]

Thank you for the tip, I'll have to look into it! 🥰 I knew there has got to be something a little more casual out there, I just didn't know where to start looking.

[@valeriemalenfant]

I was traumatized by wearing too small handmedown clothing by my older sister and my neighbour so with my kids as soon as I see their cloths becoming too small I just buy bigger cloths even if they don't mind ... I have two boys so they just don't care about what they wear... I'm the one nagging them to wear clothing that fits! LOL as for my personal style I always make sure my clothing fit well (tailored) and my pants are usually looser then tighter because of my childhood ''trauma'' I just can't feel my thighs being tight in my pants I will order a size bigger and bring my pants to the tailored to fix the waist.

[@jemi_]

I didn't even think to include this, but I totally get what you're saying! I have often had a lot of issues finding clothes that fit my body type and so does my mom, so she actually learned to tailor our clothes for us when they didn't fit right. It's so important that they feel good on you and fit you, rather than you "fitting in them". So sweet of you to look after your kids in that aspect too ❤

[@xrubyxlightx]

My influences: -My parents didnt let me wear anything "whore-ish" when i was a teen so now as an adult, i casually wear mini skirts with sheer tights and kitten heels. -My roommates in college were Japanese and i adopted the habit of dressing up nicely even if it was just to the grocery store -I lived in NYC for a few years and learnt how to dress for colder days. Now i live in California and i'm That Person who goes out in knee/calf-length coats when it's below 17degC. However, i'm also that person wearing thin base layers or merino wool sweaters whereas everybody else is wearing chunky sweaters bc i learnt to efficiently layer

[@jemi_]

That's so interesting how the many people in your life have also affected your style, but it makes total sense! :) I think my Japan trip definitely affected how much more I'm geared towards modesty these days (that, and being in a semi-professional setting a lot of the time). And yes, I had that same thing with my parents, it was interesting to see their reactions when I initially started dressing differently 😆 NYC winters can be such a reality check - they never beat the Finnish winters I grew up in, but walking 30min through piled up snow between every block was definitely a workout~

[@TriskelionHallow]

JEMI 10/10 I FEEL YOU about cold, darkness and snow!!! I never look forward to nov/dec when temps drop drastically and winter officially begins DX

[@jemi_]

I was literally grieving today over the sun setting at 6PM now - whyyyyy can't we at least keep the sun even if it gets dreadfully cold 😭

[@cuttiecrazy11]

It could be the reason you dont feel the girl Japanese would fit you is because it doesn’t match your “essence”. Maybe ingenue isn’t part of your essence blend. I’m finding it hard to reconcile my personal tastes with what looks and feels right on me based on my body type and essence.

[@jemi_]

Yeah, I think my issue with specifically lolita is that it's very high-effort and high-cost + it can come off as more child-like than I'd want to look. That's why I've been feeling revitalized by these shoujo-like outfits I've been seeing, because I find them to be a lot more manageable and lower effort while still maintaining those feminine, pretty elements! And body type definitely plays a role, a lot of the kinds of tops I love look bad on me, unfortunately 🥲

[@tanukiss]

with this, and the childhood video i somehow realize why i dont have a style 🙃 i spend more time in home, and online as a kid, so there was not need to pick clothes? not outside clothes, i just hated to see everyone else to pick what's trendy, and that lead me to like the opposite, but not in a emo/gothic way, i simply refuse to chose. and the times to pull a outfit where non existent since i always used uniform for school, and piyamas at home. looking back it does have sense because why would i have to participate in something just because it's what it's expected, but then im also like??? plwase stop being so bitchy about this (myself) everyone looks really happy using clothes that just likw them and i wsnt that😭😭 and it's crazy because i have my liking of stuff, and accesories, and shoes. but the literally "clothe" part bring me emotional conflic.

[@CasuallyCourtney]

I love your deep dives into this topic! I have been figuring out a lot of this advice through my own trial and error and I love being given even more things to ponder as I build my wardrobe. I think it is so fun to look at your personal style and see how it compares to your childhood self 🤎

[@jemi_]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! 🥰 I agree, ever since my mom sent me pictures from my childhood, I've been so positively surprised by how they make my heart so happy to look at - just knowing how unfiltered and honest I was with myself, even in artistic expression and fashion, without judgement from others. 💕

[@tinkerbellss4533]

Amazing video, you just made my day!

[@jemi_]

Thanks so much! 💕Also I love your username🥰

[@EmL-kg5gn]

I love the scales you made! I was surprised that I already know exactly where I am!!! I also love your pumpkins and sunflower 🌻🧡 Oversharing/rant below haha Evangelical christianity, and the resulting religious trauma, caused so much trouble for my sense of self and expression. Thankfully I’ve left mentally but leaving physically/socially is even harder. Realising “modesty” isn’t biblical was a turning point for me! The passages actually mean women shouldn’t flaunt their wealth because character matters more than beauty (in other words, you’re a person not a status symbol) and please don’t dress in a way that misrepresents your marital status. How anyone spun that into hide yourself so men aren’t tempted to assault you is beyond me. Especially when Jesus told men to pluck their eyes out and cut off their hands if they couldn’t control themselves! Getting mixed up between cultures can be confusing! I identify with my birth country but it’s changed since I left so I’m a bit stuck in the past. I’ve also been influenced by cultures I’ve never lived in because it was easier to make friends with other immigrants (due to xenophobia)

[@jemi_]

So happy to hear you had confident answers to the scale questions! I grew up in a similar setting, it took immense work to deconstruct and find my own way in my faith, cuz a lot of what was taught to me as a kid would literally be going against what's said in the Bible (or twisted out of context/blown out of proportion), the irony 😅 That's so interesting about modesty, cuz I never had any evidence about my thoughts on it too, I would just recite the "pluck their eyes out" phrase if someone tried to put me down or shame me. ✨ And yeah, I definitely have many conflicting feelings about my cultural identity, because when I went back to Finland for a visit last year, I noticed how "Americanized" I was in so many ways. Somehow I'll never shake off my bluntness though, it seems haha. I'm so sorry you've experienced xenophobia 😞 I have a lot of friends who've suffered because of it as well, it's important to stay close to safe people and communities - I want to cuss xenophobes etc so bad, but I'm not trying to get my content flagged 😩 but they can go [insert curse words here] themselves~

[@EmL-kg5gn]

@@jemi_ Yes it’s so difficult! And so hard to find good education on. People project so much onto the bible and say things so confidently even though they have no evidence 😭 I can’t remember where I learnt the stuff about modesty from but if you have trouble finding info I can try and find out! I’m happy you stood up for yourself 💕 Omg the bluntness is the thing I find hardest to shake off too!!! I think indirect communication relies on shared assumptions so it takes me forever to figure out. By then everyone’s used to my bluntness 😂 Completely agree about xenophobes! I was talking to some of my friends who live in my home country but are also immigrants about it one day and they were shocked by how I’m treated in the country I moved to. One of them said if that’s how they treat people like me (white) imagine how much worse it is for other immigrants. She was exactly right 😞

[@EmL-kg5gn]

@@jemi_ As an aussie I can fill in many curse words with my own imagination 😌

[@KiahRenamae]

9:39 I live in Florida…this feels oddly targeted to me 😂

[@jemi_]

I'm so sorry 😩 I think I just think of Florida as a VERY warm place, I went there in late May once and I remember I constantly felt like I was in a sauna. Don't think I've ever been that overheated in my life haha

[@KiahRenamae]

@@jemi_ No no! I 100% agree! I am currently trying to improve on my style and my main concern is the fact that it’s so hot here for the majority of the year and that makes layering very difficult lol