How to Forgive - with JP Sears

Forgiveness
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True forgiveness is very different than the traditional conditional based forgiveness. Forgiving other people based on approval and judgement has a very minor healing effect. How to forgive other people based on true forgiveness is a healing art that has deep effects into your heart and the hearts of other people. Forgiving yourself and others lifts mountains of burdens off of your mind and heart! I'll show you my version of true forgiveness in this video.

[@ericmartineauMainer]

Im so glad I found this. I had no idea how wise you really are JP.

[@EricaAndersonchEA]

I know you're right, it just is so much harder said than done. Thanks for challenging me to face myself

[@sugkizzy8]

i love that!

[@Damageinc-om2lo]

Same, friend! My biggest struggle! We can do it if we try.. may take practice like everything else

[@katherinestone5902]

Wow this meant a lot to me. I wasn't even fully aware of my conditional forgiveness until I watched this. Thank you.

[@bdv4622]

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Ephesians 4:32: Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.Proverbs 17:9: Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. Proverbs 28:13: Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

[@oneman-dan]

Nothing is more powerful than verbal, specific self-forgiveness.

[@raeparker2887]

I came upon this video when I really needed it.. Thank you. This is the best explanation of forgiveness that I have found. I shared this bc it is just so moving & true.

[@anniesherburne5286]

I found you first through laughter,and then found this wonderful train of your thought. I try to talk this way, but often those who I 'try to forgive' and whom I reust forgiveness from are not on the same wavelength. Often I have found that talking like this to people riles them, so all I have been able to do is come to acceptence. The way it then forges a new me in the world is to be less arrogant, less presumptive, more humble, but at the same time more concentrated. In a concentrated state, all the issues and emotions are still there, but maybe smaller and maybe more manageable. i can get on top of the moment more easily. It is an emotional de cluttering and simplification process. Looking truthfully the only place where one can, which is inside, and then being kind to oneself is really important. Prayer helps kindness I find. And yoga, and sometime lying donw to sleep after a storm of exhausting emotion and hurt and confusion and the blocks that occur with the causes of this quest for forgiveness. Towards making our being work / function / create better in the world. I did subscribe (but I wanted to acknowledge you anyway! Would I have felt guilty if I hadnt? not so much as not acknowldedging what darling Ram Dass said which is that we make each other, so if we know this, we have much more creative and positive possibilities for every thing we choose to do. make the best of ourselves and each other..

[@ericmartineauMainer]

I don't think you could've said it any better. I have a lot of anger recently. And I have never really held grudges because I believe the only person I can change is me. If I can find my part in anything then I can adequately address that problem. But recently I have been struggling and I have felt a lot of anger but I realized it's most likely my insecurities that I've never really addressed or the sadness underneath the anger which also coincides with the insecurities. I don't want pitty or anything I like things straight cut and dry to the point. Even if it hurts I'll find a way to deal with it because thats a me problem in the end. But I just wanted to say this really got me thinking and I realized I still got alot of work to do. I really appreciate this video. It's really eye opening.

[@lucystrauss2989]

Forgiveness that’s a concealed grudge. Condescending self righteousness. You make good points.

[@Volunteerismylife]

Dear JP Sears, i am depply, depply touched by everything you say. You re helping me immensely. I d like to talk to you about forgiveness, now watching your video, i see thet matter is not even about forgiviness itself, but my fellings of fear , guilty, rejection and shame that i project on others. This has nothing to do with them, its all about me , how i feel with myself and bout wanting them to apologise or blame them. I m giving away the power (as Louise Hay says) so i can fell in peace with myself. I cleary realize that i m placing on these people s hands approval or desaproval and all my heappiness. There is a saying " A war is fought to get others to do in our way so that we can live in peace" I want them to apologise to me or to apologise to them (wich i always do ,but its never enough, I still fell guilty doesn t matter how much i apologise ) so that i can live in peace with myself. But this is not up to them. IT S ONLY UP TO ME , change my perspective and feelings about the past. Eckhart Tolle says, the situation is neutral you look at them trough the screen of your thinking, usually conditioned by the past. We don t see this as they are , we see things as we are."I deeply want to luve in the NOW, understanding that i am a human being ,that ll make mistakes amd not need approval or desapproval from nobody. And don t mind about other people think. MANY, MANY THANKS.

[@jysikkav7813]

I have been on a healing path with forgiveness for a long time now and you have explained this is a way that I understand on a deeper level. Thank you so much!

[@davidhelling9296]

Loosen the shackles that bind us that want to enslave us to those that want to control us . And inflict their pain. Give us a humble spirt asking forgiveness to those we have trespass and wronged.. Thanks J.P.. ....

[@rayanaasthlippmann]

"Acceptance, not approval."

[@MatreshkaMertveshka]

These videos are gold. I rewatch them from time to time

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

I need to hear this over and over again.

[@krisk255]

Very insightful. For many years now I've been on the path of not forgiving others, but rather accepting them and working on myself. The ideas on forgiving ourselves instead of seeking others to forgive us was very helpful for me. Self-questioning is so big! I can think of no tool more useful than that. This video (and life in general) brings up other topics that would be great to hear more on: judgement (for example, when someone harms another person or creature or even the planet), acceptance (of situations instead of getting stuck in the past or regrets), control (how does this tie to shame? several times I have heard this connection and I don't see it--when things don't work out I don't feel shame but do have a hard time letting go of "the dream"). Many thanks!

[@Storytellere519]

"when things don't work out I don't feel shame but do have a hard time letting go of "the dream" That only seems to come with practice. Start by giving yourself a day to mourn the dream, but only a day! Good Luck.

[@verastanding]

I accept my mothers behaviour that has always and still does cause me pain. I'm okay for her to stay who she is and I accept that. I just can't torture myself by being in her company anymore. So is that finally forgiving myself for having to let her go and not ever see her because I die inside my heart when exposed to her. Am I forgiving myself ?

[@ASinn]

Good question. I forgiveness earned? I think so. I too walk away and mean it. Forgiving myself by living my own boundaries and not accepting behaviour from myself and others who don't respect some basic dignity. It's not up to me to control other people. I can work on my own thoughts, feelings and behaviour.

[@kataphorav131]

Wow, I can completely relate to what you said. I have forgiven my mom and accept her for who she is (toxic and emotionally unhealthy), but I cannot be around her or have the relationship with her she wishes I would have. I feel it shows a lot of respect and love for yourself when you know someone is not healthy for you to be around. I think we have to forgive ourselves of the guilt/shame we allowed ourselves to have, which was instilled in us through years of abuse AND society sending the message that if you don't have a great relationship with your mother, something is wrong with you. Sometimes, there are people we cannot allow ourselves to be close to and it's for our own good. If you feel that bad in her company, my opinion is, you're doing what is right for you. Me, personally, I find it difficult to respect someone if they are unable to (or not aware enough) show me that same courtesy.

[@strawberryme08]

Use empathy, what do you think your mom has experienced that has made her how she is? What is causing her pain? Also what do you think she is trying to experience when she treats you in a way that you don't like? Is she critical? People who criticize are actually trying to teach something. But it comes out wrong. Also Don't take her pain and make it about you. When she is rude you can know that her pain is just coming out. It has nothing to do with you! Don't take it on! You can for sure forgive yourself for your anger, for taking on things that don't belong to you, for believing lies. You can be clear on what you expect from her, tell her " I want to have a relationship with you and be able to see you, but you make it hard when you say those things" Whatever you want, there is usually a way to make it work somehow. Just keep working on YOU and shifts will happen all over the place! I understand what you are experiencing as well. hugs

[@mrsloveydove4579]

Mothers can be abusive. Just because they’re a mother it doesn’t automatically mean they’re a good person. If a mother is willing to abuse her own children she is pretty much saying she doesn’t truly care about them enough to treat them well. Mothers can have NPD, be pedophiles, pathological liars, and commit all manner of physical and mental abuse. Some mothers have murdered their own children. Cultures love to portray mothers as eternally good, angelic beings that can never do anything wrong. Don’t believe it. Moms are just as responsible for their actions as anyone else and their bad behavior shouldn’t be overlooked simply because they’re moms. There’s a stigma about children that refuse to see their parents anymore (or go No Contact) but usually it’s for good reasons. Most kids still love their abusive parents even though they know it’s best not to see them anymore. Don’t let popular culture guilt trip you into drinking more poison. You know what’s best for you. And it’s more than ok to make sure you do what’s best for yourself. You matter!!! Even if nobody treats you like you do.

[@strawberryme08]

@@mrsloveydove4579 Its just that women naturally have a more loving nature. but when they turn they can really turn. Also mothers really sacrifice for their children in ways men may not understand. But no one says "all" moms are kind loving great moms. people are just people and come in all types.

[@AwwesomeVal]

The whole video brought forth a dark cloud from within. You explained more what forgiveness is, and it reminds me of something I read about how to get over something really bad that happened. Its practically the same thing - internally one accepts everything that happened, or in case of forgiveness, accept the one who hurt the self. Just the pain and the hatred.. Getting over that and forgiving who caused it would ultimately be an impossible thing to do.

[@spiritussublime]

Thank You, JP, for sharing this beautiful insightful video with us. Boy, aren't uncomfortable feelings just so much fun to work with? Lol thank you for your insight again. You bring up some very interesting points. This comes at a most auspicious time for me. Namaste ♡

[@moonrose1929]

This is exactly what I needed to hear, today. I have always felt this way, I just haven't given myself the chance to express this in a completely vulnerable manner. A lot of that having to do with trying to protect my fragile ego. Being as sensitive as I am, I have gone through a great deal of deep emotional turmoil at the times where I attempt to find it within myself to unconditionally accept those who have hurt me and forgive them, and on the other hand, when I am attempting to complete this process for my self, when I have crossed the boundaries of others. During these times of anguish I always reflect on the conflicts, and questions would always run through my mind such as, "What if I were them, and I had done this, how would I feel?", "Am I completely defective as a human being, because this has happened?" Or, " Have I done this before?". And if the answer was, "Yes,I have done this before, I remember how painful the feelings of guilt and remorse were that came from what I had done to them." This would influence my perspective, to just brush things off. And try to push it deep down inside to repress any pain I may have felt towards the situation, because I felt on some level it was justified. The drive at this point wasn't forgiveness, but instead my inner shame making me feel responsible for their actions taken against me, because it reflected what I had done at some point in my past. For awhile, I would be numb emotionally, believing this helped somehow lessen the pain, but in the end this cycle only intensified it into resentment. So, I decided to follow this pain and really connect with myself by surrendering to it. In that moment, I realized that to take that responsibility upon myself for others was not an option. Because indirectly I would be robbing a gift from them, by trying to help them avoid these painful experiences, by allowing myself to be a scapegoat for what they had done. This became an integral part of my inner awareness. I came to see how these experiences are more like teacher's guiding us closer to self-actualization. And this guiding force was aimed towards achieving true emotional closure. By opening that doorway of communication within my self, analyzing the situation and then allowing the other person to join in on the conversation. It revealed to both of us during these discussions the deeper, hidden aspects of where we were coming from emotionally. This put the spotlight on how during our fights how much we tried to hide behind other things during the moments of anger towards each other, as we scrambled to gain control over each other while at the same time, trying to protect these vulnerabilities. And through this change of perspective, it helped to ignite not only healing, but a sense of acceptance within our relationship for just how vulnerable and sensitive we really are. You described it as "vibrating", that is a very accurate description of the frequency shift that takes place during open communication.These lessons of humility, have helped me grow in my relationships and has helped to create a more "emotionally sacred zone" with my partner. This I feel will always be a work in progress... . And this isn't a process that happens overnight, it takes a lot of courage and objectivity. No one is perfect, there are always issues that will arise, inevitably. It's a lot of hard-work, and you have to be extremely honest with yourself and those you are closest to. But,in going through these experiences and turmoil, it is now obvious to me how at the very core of conditional forgiveness and a lot of the energy that goes into the dramas that play out in our daily lives, arise from experiencing some sense of low self-esteem and a disguised deep-seated fear of inadequacy. Thank you, for reinforcing the strengths of vulnerability and paving the way towards a more heart-conscious life-style. It really helps aid in unveiling the truth about ourselves and each other. All of this serves as a reminder, for us to cultivate patience in our relationships with both ourselves and others. Because in reality, we are all in the same boat trying to gradually learn to balance our perspectives, as things continue to evolve throughout our lives.

[@melissamyer8247]

Oh, JP, this really hit me. The part about not feeling good enough. There's someone who did something terrible to me, and I have unresolved feelings about it. I'm angry, yes. But I also feel ashamed that I was ever in that position. I won't approach him about it, because honestly? I know that he doesn't care. But this is helpful for me, and that's what matters.

[@streamscounselling9501]

Hi JP, you are probably never going to read this... however this is such a nugget of wisdom. You have beautifully summed up marvellous strategies to make closure on the impossible unresolved issues

[@DoreenBellDotan]

Unconditional Acceptance is The Door that opens up our "subconscious". When we can accept unconditionally, all of our Ancestors who were not perfect people and who are hiding from us in our subconscious and in our cellular structure who won't reveal themselves to us for fear of being rejected know that they will be accepted and they begin to come to the fore of our conscious mind. When that happens, we no longer interact with the people we encounter symbolically, stuck in the mode of fixing things that went wrong in our past. Moreover, all of our Ancestors' consciousnesses (including their storehouses of Wisdom) and personalities begin to unify with ours.

[@stephenmathews7952]

Heartward...even if it's not a word, I will be using it. Thanks JP.

[@Funstuff13613]

That's deep, I don't often go that deep with forgiveness. Usually I either forgive someone or I leave them be and move on. But when I move on I feel a type of void every now and then. Sometimes when I go for a walk I try to rationalise where that void is coming from and if I conclude it comes from something I've been through with someone else that wasn't finished in a fulfilling way nostalgia and sadness creeps in and either I then compensate that feeling with something else, do something about it if that person is still accessible or move on. But if I move on from there that experience can sit in me like a scar, sometimes as a symbol of strength of what I conquered, other times a warning to keep an eye out and prevent anything similar from happening in future, other times a congealed wound that I wish wasn't there. Thank you for sharing your approach, it's a shift in mindset and requires a longer period of patience that I usually allow myself and others - I'll give it a shot.Thanks also for your videos in general, you do a lot of good for a lot of people in various areas of life.

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Funstuff13613 I appreciate all of that my friend. Thank you for watching my videos :-)

[@curiosity_saved_the_cat]

Being aware of what's going on inside is vitally important, but knowing what's inside others is just as important I think. True forgiveness comes with the realization there's nothing to forgive. "For they do know what they are doing". In essence everybody is benevolent, some are confused and ill in one way or another. It's very important to refrain from projecting your frustration of not being in control over the situation on the actions of the other person.

[@McScott76]

Was Hitler benevolent? How about Stalin? Mao? Jeffrey Dahmer? Benevolent means "well meaning and kindly." Do you honestly believe there are no evil people in the world doing evil, unforgivable things? There's a vast difference between someone insulting you on a message board and someone committing genocide. But the premise is the same. All people aren't inherently good and then occasionally do bad things. Some people are inherently evil and only sometimes do good things. This postmodern, relativist nonsense about everyone being good and having their own "truth" doesn't help anyone. It's just the proverbial ostrich with its head in the sand. True forgiveness starts with acknowledging the evil that has occurred and calling it what it is. That's why forgiveness is hard. It's withholding the punishment from someone who clearly deserves it. Pretending they don't deserve it is not forgiveness. It's naive denial.

[@TinaMiller123]

What I struggle with is people abusing me, mentally, quite often. You did not talk about if a person is being abused, how should they forgive? I mean I can forgive, but I don't have to hang around their abuse behavior. Thanks for the video.

[@IphegeniaRose]

+Heavenly Peace I felt the same thing in watching this. I had to work hard not to slip into self-blame while watching this... like I had to bear the responsibility of what the other person did that has been so hard to find forgiveness for. I don't think that is the kind of situation he is talking about. But it would be nice to hear him discuss forgiveness in the sense of coming to terms with something where someone was hurtful and, apparently, couldn't care less whether you forgive them or not. When it is about saying "I have a right to be angry about what that person did, but I am also allowed to find forgiveness in myself about it so that I can get on with my life." (Or maybe it was me projecting my issues all along and it was my fault... argh...now I feel like I have to go back into therapy again....)

[@nickcullers8495]

I feel abused by people who say that I'm emotionally abusive which causes me to feel shame so I try to shame them so I can feel justified about the emotional abuse they cause me...

[@mrsloveydove4579]

Nick Cullers Classic symptoms of NPD... lol 😝

[@rayanaasthlippmann]

"We realize that all real forgiveness is always directed at our own self."

[@aarontafoya297]

I think todays problem with everyone in the world is finding our way through the body to give and accept love. We want to feel it and give it but give stuck. Forgivenes = a mind body heart awareness of letting go. If someone is well balanced they feel good and more of an indication of what to let go that makes them feel bad. The other problem is compounding painful events can cause a person to totally loose themselves until one day a glimmer of love renters the body again. I spent 7 days meditating on forgivness only 45 min in the morning and at night. My experience was ground breaking - imagine taking ayahuasca drug and letting your body purge and feel transparent pure love with total connection to the earth and sky. A simple meditation brought me to this place, the holy of holyies or the quiet space in the heart. Forgiveness ascend your heart in which your soul remains broken or free.

[@a.c.993]

True Forgiveness is a beautiful concept.

[@impossibledreams6115]

Help me my anger problems JP. Thank you for this. Anger management is seriously I might need to go to anger management classes and attend. It's getting to the point I feel sick and I am aware that anger if held in for so long becomes detrimental to health. I think one of the ways to over come my type of anger is to realize I have choice.

[@poeticposturing3850]

You have gotten the closest to helping me understand what forgiveness means. I knew the answer was somewhere in those two root words, For giving. Now I understand through your suggestion to self examine, to give to the other the truth of what you were honestly feeling in that moment, owning your reaction to the situation.

[@rhondarentz]

JP wow Thank-you. I have been struggling for months with a member of my family who has decided they hate me. Now I realize that I have to forgive that part of me that does not feel worthy. Now that I know this, I can work towards feeling better about myself and truly detach myself with love from this situation and be free. I love your channel!!

[@nick8841]

Powerful stuff, JP! Connected some important pieces for me. Broke down in tears as I was forgiving myself. When the crying stopped a voice sounded in my head saying "welcome to the other side [of forgiveness]" and I was filled with a sense of light and freedom. Much work to be done still. Thank you.

[@lindaseaton-cameron5014]

thank you. your life experience has transformed you and brings such hope to others.

[@andreamorris5548]

You're a world changer, JP.

[@Thunderbird616]

After watching this video I'm willing too accept that I was in the wrong in my interactions with my friends I've fought with, i don't expect to earn there forgiveness but I rather tell them that i was upset with myself and heal

[@LivingAnExaminedLife]

Forgiveness is a difficult area particularly when the issues at hand are grievous: child molestation; rape; unjust theft of earned wages; or the narcissistic Lothario who captures your attention and then feeds on your heart only to toss it in a blender when he's done satisfying his ego. Those types things are difficult to understand and let go of. If you've got some serious grievances to release, it's worth taking a look at "The Work" by Byron Katie.

[@aracnidagatuna]

LivingAnExaminedLife thats right how can you forger a rapist who did it while you were just an innocent child. there is no way to accept that person for what they did

[@recoveringsoul755]

Angelina correct, and yet so many believe they only need to forgive IF the other person apologizes and asks for forgiveness, Repents.

[@recoveringsoul755]

aracnidagatuna You don't need to even tell the person you forgive them. It is for you.

[@emmajanewatts4388]

There’s something I can’t let go of. I’ve tried but I just can’t x

[@LifeLongSummer]

​@@aracnidagatuna Well, it's not an easy or instant way and one should feel his or her feelings like anger, pain, sorrow, grief and so on. It's a hard work. And only then one can feel true acceptance. Not only intellectual, not ultra spiritual but deep and true... IMHO.

[@richardhorrocks6514]

I think my approach to forgiveness is more pre-emptive, in that I am looking to create a mindset that is accepting of and grateful for all that happens to me. As such, when something that might be regarded as 'bad' occurs then I just consider it an opportunity to practice and develop certain qualities, i.e. patience, compassion, forgiveness etc. and because I know that the benefits of developing these qualities will last me a lifetime I am motivated to do so (plus practice forming a habit). There are other things that are helpful too like having a widening perspective, i.e. what is my place in time and space and how much does THIS really matter? The answer is, it doesn't. So i'd say true forgiveness is a place where forgiveness doesn't exist, as our understanding has already made perfect all that is before it arises.

[@LifeLongSummer]

Thank you for your experience. And did you feel anger anytime? I think it's very important not to deny or suppress feelings, but to overcome and surpass them... Otherwise one can make awful things denying there's good and bad. I'm not talking about you, I've seen such examples. Some buddhists say about this that one shouldn't confuse buddhism and nihilism. Buddhism implies compassion and wisdom. You're talking about the wisdom part and deny the compassion part...

[@alicia9992]

Very well said. Great video! Thankyou

[@chanceDdog2009]

JP had commercial about himself right before his own video. I can't see myself forgiving him for that....

[@zingravity4773]

Wonderful discussion of the process and "layers" of forgiveness. I'd enjoy hearing your thoughts on the "other side"... when We need to set appropriate boundaries, when we accept someone for who they are AND acknowledge that they are human and have flaws they may resurface, and reemerge,. i.e. addiction behaviors, Narcissism, personality disorders, etc... It would be good to address how you can also accept someone for who they are, and also not keep them in your life because of what they have done, or are capable of doing...

[@stephaniemaloy8108]

I believe it was Brandt that put it best for me: "Holding resentment is like drinking poison & expecting the other person to die." Wayne W Dyer said :"Resentment is like venom that continues to pour through your system, doing its poisonous damage long after being bitten by the snake. It's not the bite that kills you; it's the venom. Send love in some form to those you feel have wronged you and notice how much better you feel." These words were able to allow myself to forgive. Not for the others sake but for my own.

[@azeret77]

Like you said before, being vulnerable is the most extreme sport :)) forgiveness is sure easier said than done. But it's worth it I think...

[@papondahoops]

JP, that was really insightful. I think this will help me. Thank you.

[@aarontafoya297]

My definition of Forgiveness is intentionally not holding on to the effect of anothers actions. Letting it go uplifts the heart and effective forgiveness should show a sign of wellbeing, not the sinking or fight/flight feeling. I believe people can actually cleanse their body of depression by meditation, breathing and forgiveness. It is a huge opportunity to start the inner work, breaking changes and entering into emotional maturity. So to me, forgiveness is a emotional claim and choice to control your own emotions. The problem we all have is making the choice in the brain but still feeling the lingering mood or attitude in the heart... Good long winded post buddy but necessary. Love your humor as well.

[@susansmith1085]

Can I accept someone and still protect myself? Also, it's really hard to realize that you made yourself vulnerable to someone who would take advantage.

[@karengrace6890]

Perhaps in your case to the person that hurt you, "I accept you as you are" = "i accept that you're messed up. Goodbye." Dont forget its very important to forgive yourself, Susan.

[@susansmith1085]

@@karengrace6890 thank you! Yes, I've been learning this

[@LifeLongSummer]

@Angelina //Accept who they are -- and you don't need to approve damaging behaviour. You just can SEE (accept) there's something wrong and - yep! - move on.

[@Jumpoable]

Thank you. That is why Christian passive aggressive "forgiveness" never sat well with me, even though the Church constantly harps on it.

[@julialevelle6384]

passive aggressive "forgiveness" isn't biblical, fyi

[@McScott76]

You just know some bad Christians who don't know their Bibles very well. True Christian forgiveness is neither approving nor accepting of the actions of the offender. Forgiveness, as taught in the Bible, is acknowledging the truth of the offense, calling it what it is and then making a willful decision to withhold the just consequences of that offense because of an understanding of how much we have been forgiven by God. In short, a Christian forgives because we have been forgiven. The Bible has several parables or allegories to teach this truth. One is the story of a rich debtor who is forgiven a great debt (like a year's salary) and then turns around and punishes his servant for not paying back a small amount (like a day's wages). The moral of that story is that the rich debtor was sinful for having had his debt cancelled but then treating his own debtor harshly. What JP is advocating here is simply sweeping the offense under the rug. That is dishonest and harmful to both parties. First, to the offended party, it minimizes the true harm that was caused by the offense. And to the one forgiven, it fails to teach the person how to avoid giving offense the next time. By acknowledging the offense, calling it what it is and then letting it go, both parties benefit.

[@angelamilne2054]

Johannes P but Jesus didnt mean for it to be passive agressive..So The problem is IN the " anity"...Not Jesus .....

[@juliealbrightmoon]

I'm going to have to watch this all the time til it seeps in my subconscious! Ah! The struggle is real!

[@terriparkin]

I felt really okay about watching this because I am a subscriber. Thank you. What I appreciate the most about you... well.. one of the many... is your versatility and honesty. You ability to surprise with humor , sincerity and insight is very refreshing.

[@momoffleash]

JP, I was very curious to hear your thoughts on forgiveness. I have been studying the works of Marshall Rosenberg for some time now, and one of the most important lessons that is love to see reiterated over and over again until there is some societal shift is what you've done here. Thank you. Oh, and that lesson is that saying, "I'm sorry," is one of most violent things you can do to someone because it puts them in a position to judge you. You are actually asking them to punish you, to validate your lack of worth. I'm glad to hear your view. Really really, very much. I also enjoy your cheeky humor.

[@momoffleash]

*I would love to see reiterated*

[@mr.supersonicultra9131]

The only way to forgive someone is to love them which is a good way to find out if you are in a toxic relationship

[@catrinachristina]

Thank you so much for freely sharing all of this wisdom. It is helping me tremendously through a difficult time ;)

[@IAmCharJ24]

I hope to earn forgiveness because of my shame and fear of not earning things. Part of me still clings to a relationship that ended abruptly three years ago. Having theoretically 'forgiven' myself and the ex Beloved for the abruptness and sudden emotional withdrawal was as meaningful as 'Asking Jesus to enter my heart" in order to become spiritual (as a gullible teenager full of shame and fear). Surely If my 'forgiveness' had 'worked' I would be feeling better. I do feel better, but I woul love to be able to articulate myself to my ex Beloved as beautifully as you did. And oh! If he would articulate that to me! I have to unpack this fear of abandonment and not being good enough some more. Thank you for your work.

[@newandoldtech5634]

A forgiveness needs Three things: an apology that is genuine, that the offender tell what was done wrong and understand that, and a promise and (most important) show of action it will not happen again.

[@newandoldtech5634]

AKA facing personal responsability. Respons combined with ability.

[@edhare6077]

Good job, JP, truly. I will bookmark this and use it the next time I am in a discussion with someone about forgiveness. Ilove the blend of humor and meaning I see in your videos and I love the way you make "spirituality" fun! And yup, that's a judgement, but it's okay because it's a good judgment, right? LOL! I would add that in the conversation that may take place after forgiveness is at hand, no matter what form that forgiveness may take, to me, it is very healing for all people involved to look at what happened and to see the good things that may have come out of it. That takes it all away from blame for either or both parties and focuses instead on the value of the life experience.

[@MissCarolineN]

Thanks JP. I found this at just the right time.

[@scottyj6226]

Well I hope I watch this again when I'm sober

[@richellelemon3137]

I love your method of delivery. This video brought me to understanding in leaps and bounds. Thank you.

[@bullettrain9564]

I just came across your "FDA / coconut oil" video this morning. FunnyAF. Looked at several more, all of which were, coincidentally, smart ass, snarky, sarcastic videos. Wasn't until an hour ago I came across a serious video (how to forgive). I've been having a lot of negative feelings and energy in my relationship recently. We've been together about a year and I've felt powerful feelings from the first moment I laid eyes on her. Earlier this evening we had a massive blowout in the car, the result of which was lots of mean things being said and me walking a couple miles home in a dark rainy wind storm and her driving around upset looking for me and then going home. By the time I got home I was freezing, soaked, pissed and done. Due to the current circumstances tho, we kinda had to attempt (not very successfully) to put our issues aside and be civil for the rest of the evening. So we were kinda stuck being around each other which is how we both ended up watching some KZbin together. A couple videos in (all funny) and I clicked on your "How to Forgive" video. I had no idea you had a serious side to you. Thank you. Your insightfulness and ability to articulate the human condition opened my eyes and heart to a new way of processing reality. I don't know whether she feels the same or not and I don't know what the future for us holds, but I feel enlightened. Im not ready to give up on my end. However things go tho I know that my eyes have been opened to a new self realization and for that I truly thank you. I look forward to more videos. Thank you you JP. Wish me luck... 👍

[@Karmakat59]

Acceptance vs. approval,, very well said - thank you.

[@lsprings8]

This is quite eye-opening. We would love for you to talk about the aspect of forgiving but letting someone know that they crossed your boundaries and it is not something you are comfortable with having happen again. How can one successfully do that without ruining the relationship?

[@reallifesazi965]

Thank you for Sharing.

[@AP-ur1cd]

Thanks so much for this perspective

[@Maj222_]

Wow! Watching JP being serious is just.. just wow! Hahahha

[@specklefrogglumpf8249]

JP, I watched this video for the first time just over a week ago. It has given me much to mull over. Forgiveness makes more sense if I take myself out of the role of having to disapprove of someone only to reapprove of him when he has made amends or expressed regret. Of course it is not my job to be the judge. But what happens when the person I need to forgive is also in a permanent relationship with me: employer, co-worker -- or worse -- parent, sibling, or ex-husband/ex-wife? How does it make me look in the relationship if I have remained in relationship after someone did something unspeakable to me -- how does that make me look to the very person who hurt me? Some relationships don't end with the last telephone call of a cross-country move. I have a personal story or two to share on the matter; but would like to hear your take. Helene

[@LifeLongSummer]

hi, Helene! Let me take a part in your conversation)) Well, I think both parts of work are important, inner and outer. It's good to forgive and embrace some of your inner parts and also it's also good to ask for forgiveness the person you've hurt. We are all interconnected and we all influence each other, we don't live in vacuum.And the same thing about letting someone know about my boundaries. He/she wouldn't know if I don't tell. And he/she wouldn't believe if I don't work with myself and will have the energy to protect myself because I know I worth it! Your ambivert.

[@martywilsonlife]

Well, you can tell the caliber of people who watch JP's videos. Long posts... lots of insights. Boy, he's really amazing that's for sure. 'Makes me laugh and makes me think.

[@mariamarson5158]

This was eye opening

[@omarkenoh]

I needed this so much...

[@PinkFlowers]

Oh my god. How did I get through life without having you explain forgiveness to me. Thanks to you, I know now that every time I punched someone in the face, it was them "judging" me that was the problem and that they just weren't good enough people to "accept" what I did. Those jerks just needed to accept me for how I was. Thanks for explaining the "sacred" vibrations. I also guess acceptance would include the genocide of the native people of the Americas and the enslavement of Africans. They just need to forgive the crap that was done having "judged" white people for the past 400 years. Brilliant. If it's true forgiveness, why do we need to even say anything to the other person. And I think you meant "I don't like feeling like I'm not good enough." This is a bit shallow...Right now I'm ashamed that I'm not good enough to have you not feed me some garbage.

[@MaresaWick]

Incredible! Exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you JP!

[@Damageinc-om2lo]

This is the HARDEST thing for me... Forgiving MAYBE but I never forget or let go.. my partner has a hard time w me for this reason and my mom has said before "If you don't forgive others, then God's not gonna forgive YOU." Have to try harder :( thanks for cool videos ALWAYS 😊

[@Tilly850]

Thoughtful and insightful. There are situations where forgiveness must be for the self without the face to face interaction and that might be an interesting future part 2. I would love to hear your view on the forgiveness of very harsh abusive actions...I am sure it is about self forgiveness...it is good to hear from your heart.

[@LifeLongSummer]

Well, I think both parts of work are important, inner and outer. It's good to forgive and embrace some of your inner parts and also it's good to ask for forgiveness the person you've hurt. We are all interconnected and we all influence each other, we don't live in vacuum. Your ambivert. PS Six and a half years passed. Dear JP, thank you for your videos, I love watching them. So, did you change your views or do you think the same?

[@tlarson1977]

Thanks for your insight. I typically am able to truly forgive when I see the part that I play. I was wondering though, how do you forgive someone for childhood trauma when you do not play a part. I truly want to free myself from the burden that I carry as a result of the resentment that I have for this person. At the same time this persons actions have had lasting effects on me. I played no part then but am playing a part now by holding onto this toxic anger that I want nothing more than to let go of.

[@labrigful]

For example, I was molested by my dad's brother when I was 5yrs old. I did not understand, or play any part in it. I was deeply hurt and confused for a long time. As a teen I was angry. I could not work through my feelings and forgive. I have not seen or spoken to him since I was 5 years old, and as soon as my mother called the police he fled the country. I felt there was no justice. As soon as I told my mother what had happened she said firmly, "This is not your fault." I thought that was a weird thing to say. Slowly over the years I realized how deep her message was. Children internalize trauma, and equate how they are treated with their worth. I did not know that it made me feel worthless, or broken, or even guilty. I did nothing wrong. It took many years of bad self esteem to finally rid myself of the burden I carried and forgive completely. My feeling of fear, guilt, and worthlessness were lifted, and through forgiveness I took the power that was mine. I forgave and accepted him as the flawed human he is, and became aware of my repressed feelings. And now his actions have no more power over me. I hope my story helps. It is kinda strange for me to share this in KZbin comments, but if it helps someone forgive and take back their life, awesome!

[@LifeLongSummer]

I hope you're doing well now. I sometimes feel the same. Trying to accept all suppressed feelings. ♡

[@LifeLongSummer]

@@labrigful ♡ Surely it helps! Thank you for your story of recovering. So touching.

[@iceyblack3506]

exactly how i see it but never been able to explain it.

[@Ss-dz6cm]

My question is how do you balance forgiveness and justice? I'm not talking legally, but if someone close to you hurts you deeply, why should they just get a pass? I was able to move through a trauma and rebuild a relationship without forgiveness by creating consequences. Basically, I took away the words I love you. They couldn't say it and couldn't hear those words again. Instead, we had to show them by our actions. It worked well for me. Recently, my therapist asked me is there a time when their punishment is served? This gave me pause and I don't know the answer, but I am thinking about it. It has been 9 years.

[@amason714]

yeah. that's what i wanna know too.

[@fryingpanbreakup65]

Thank you! This video really helped me counsel my friend with addiction.

[@RetroKitty777]

Its hard if the person isnt even aware theyve hurt u or they arent sorry. Hard to forgive someone u have to cut ties with bc each time ive forgave, they came back and did worse. Gotta be boundaries bc im not accepting molestation and evil.

[@MelanieSuzanneWilson]

How can you forgive someone that judges you? Can you do this and still have boundaries? A close one was judging my career, consumption and life choices. This person expected me to obey this one’s control. How could we possibly forgive judgement that happens towards us? Can we forgive people who expect control? Can we forgive and still have comfortable boundaries that give us freedom?

[@Nikonik66]

"Forgive" is a financial term meaning: to wipe away a debt. Applied to an offense it means, I will not hold it against you and you should not hold it against yourself. You are free from ongoing punishment by me bringing it back up in the future. "I can forgive but I can never forget" is not forgiveness. My extending forgiveness has more to do with my future thoughts and behaviors than it does about yours.

[@moniqaf]

Perfect timing for this in my life...thnx JP! Love your vids!

[@hamstersdailylife4938]

I want him to do one specifically on people raised by toxic parents. A part of me wants to agree with him, but it doesn’t work for children-parent relationships. Toxic parents just take too much away from children. My parents never asked me for forgiveness. I’m not mad at them at all. Just that I’ll never see them again nor go to their funeral.

[@trinitysonfire2324]

Very helpful, thank you.

[@mppp16]

May I mention that around the two minute mark, you stumbled a bit over the word “hell” and the camera violently focused on the fire. I liked that part of the video as well as the rest. Great content and much love!

[@0GodJudges0]

These points you bring up are very important, because it’s important to understand our own hearts, and where we are placing burden on other people to validate us (rather than God - my view of forgiveness is very influenced by Christianity, to be transparent). But I don’t think we should throw out the baby with the bath water by solely making it about our internal wounds and self-view, because relationships are not only about accepting, but they are also about trust - so forgiveness needs to be paired with reconciliation. So first is acknowledging and withholding punishment of the other person, which I believe should come from understanding where they are coming from and the struggles they face, like every human (as well as imitating God’s mercy on us, because wrong-doing does incur a debt). But second comes communicating remorse, that you show you don’t want to make the same mistake again, and you want to correct your wrongdoing (not to feel better about yourself, but because you care about the other person). That is what repairs a broken or strained relationship.

[@jimcampbell7287]

Great stuff. Thank you!

[@marylundquist8450]

It's deep, and I love that about you, but probably 50% right and 50% wrong, in that order.

[@michaellarion429]

this was helpful. thank you

[@autumnloving420]

Wow this is pretty deep

[@worthy999999]

awesome... i forgive myself ~ complete acceptance of others follows .... :)

[@verastanding]

It's okay,,I get it now. x

[@cameronbarry2426]

Thanks for your earnest insights as always JP. I get the sense that making judgments of others bothers you. Could you please explain why we should not be judgmental of others? Can you please explain how this is even possible? I mean to say, given the fact that we are constantly appraising the 60,000,000 bits of stimuli/second, how is it possible that we aren't negatively or positively evaluating others' behavior? Lastly, assuming you have proven possible our ability to abstain from our innately judgmental selves, why should we not judge those in our lives? Are we not the only peers to do so?

[@lalobaquesabe8096]

great exlpanation! Thanks!

[@theravenscatalyst]

Forgiveness for an abuser for years of abuse who still uses you as a scapegoat for their actions.. How do we find forgiveness and break away from the scapegoat mentality, while dealing with the other persons lack of ability to take responsibility and therefore projecting their own self pain and judgments into you? My heart broke hearing that they don’t think I could be a good mother based on the fact of how they treated me as a child.. how do we climb from this “Rabbit hole” especially when the person is a family member?

[@iasolifestyle2540]

This was profound .. So I can remind myself of your guidance I have a JP Jot it down book.. Can't wait for 2017 for your book!

[@cherylarmstrong8836]

Thank you, hahaha yes i have subscribed !! its so true vulnerability is the key to releasing the walls of judgement. We are taught to shut down emotions and build walls and judgement. And you, who is a dear soul can come and take our feelings, that are unspoken or we have the inability to verbalise and yet you speak in a logical manner of what needs to be released through love. Love your comedy too such a crack up. xx Love to you xx

[@richardhorrocks6514]

Great analysis again!

[@briandean7206]

being unwilling to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick.

[@nathanheeren560]

brian dean unless you actually feed them poison too.