I'm Sorry (Why People Apologize All the Time?) - with JP Sears

I'm Sorry (Why People Apologize All the Time?) - with JP Sears
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Why do people say "I'm sorry" all the time? Why might you feel annoyed or angry about their repetitive apologies for things that don't warrant an apology? I share my experiences on these questions about incessant apologies here.
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[@SherioCheers]

I was told that every time I want to say "sorry" to say "thank you" instead. like... instead of saying "sorry I'm late" say "thank you for waiting." It goes over better.

[@StrewthFroogals]

+Sherio88 hey, that's an interesting way to deal with it. I'm gonna have to keep that in mind :P

[@colsoncustoms8994]

+Sherio88 That's a good point. changes it from expecting pity from them to giving them praise.

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Sherio88 I love it!

+Sherio88 It's the just "I was told" part that scares me a bit

[@colsoncustoms8994]

João Meirinhos Huh? It is just a saying that gives credit to someone else.

[@natashagrayson728]

"I'm sorry," often is said as a defense mechanism for abused individuals.

[@M2Mil7er]

Spot on. Abused people (especially by loved ones / family) are often isolated and seek approval to feel part of a group. I say sorry a lot too. This video made me feel more shame in a way because I never looked at it as a manipulative behavior, rather a demonstration of humility, consideration and politeness. I had no idea it was something less damaged people found offensive / annoying.

[@kateb9720]

Natasha Grayson yes. Just conditioned to saying it so much that it becomes self conscious. But you're absolutely right. I know.

[@jeansteesgal9593]

Natasha Grayson , I grew up with a extremely abusive grandparents on both sides one would day "I love you" while slapping the crud out of you and on the other set of grandparents would get pissed at everything I did so I learned to just say "I'm sorry" just so I wouldn't get beat the holy Hades out of me or get yelled at. My husband is really kind and sweet and will tell me it's ok you did nothing wrong or he'll just hug me and say "Your so sweet, or so sexy" or something sweet like that I've gotten better at the constant saying of "I'm sorry" but it is a slow healing process. My advice to anyone who has a constant I'm sorry sayer in their life they are not saying it to piss you off their saying it to protect themselves so let them know that your a safe person and eventually they will some what stop saying I'm sorry all the time.

[@nnick2253]

mysterywhiteboy72 exactly, exactly how I mean my apology...it's humility or politeness.

[@JennaCiela]

Jeans & Tees Gal this is really informative as someone who gets uncomfortable by over apologizing thank you

[@freyaheart]

I needed to see this. I've been really depressed lately. I'm guilty of saying I'm sorry all the time. You hit the nail on the head too. I almost cried when you said "You're aloud to take up space. You're aloud to not be perfect." Thank you.

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Kate Cavalcante I appreciate you hearing that Kate :-)

[@ErinDavila76]

Aww

[@khouston1965]

My personal opinion for why people, myself included, say we're sorry all the time is that someone in our life has scolded or treated that person, us, like everything we've done in life is wrong. I was abused by my father in MANY MANY ways, verbally & physically, so I was ALWAYS having to apologize for things I did & DIDN"T do. Then it carried on into my marriage. I've been made to feel that I'm less of a person than others & I KNOW there are others too. I don't know how NOT to say I'm sorry for everything. I wish I did!!! It just comes out before I realize it. So MAYBE People SHOULDN'T feel Annoyed but try to be understanding that maybe that person was abused in some way!!!! I think it's WONDERFUL that there are people that out there that had a great childhood, I REALLY DO!! In MY perfect world, no one would EVER be abused! Consider yourself BLESSED if you weren't!!

[@eirikmurito]

I was emotionally abused by my father and I grew up apologizing for my existence. Even though I don't do that anymore it still triggers me when I see it in other people. Perhaps if I can forgive the younger me ill be cool with it..

[@reginafromrio]

Same. I read the same article as another poster. saying thank you instead of I'm sorry always does the trick. It suggests gratitude and strength. I'm sorry that you were abused. I was too. I understand

[@KL-ot6es]

I can totally relate to your story and what you have been through. Im the same exact way. I don't even realize how much i say it and why i say it for every little thing even things that i didn't even do cause i was always trying to just keep the peace with my mother that i was just sorry for everything cause according to her everything was my fault. It was just easier to be sorry and try to move forward even though now i realize I'm only going backwards by always saying it and always feeling and being sorry for just being me. It's really sad actually I'm scard for life i feel like but recently found new hope to try and make positive changes in my life because i do deserve to be happy no matter how much anyone else (especially my mother) tries to make me feel otherwise.....i truly don't know what unconditional love feels like only ever had conditional love from my parents who cut me off and out their life when I'm not doing or following exactly how and what they want me to do and be. It took me over 27 years to finally realize i will never please them or make them proud of me and finally started being very different basically i became my own person and stopped worrying if i had their acceptance or approval all i can say is i wish i cut them out my life sooner.....but i do know that it will take many years and lots of self love to recover from the trauma, pain and hurt that i experienced all of my life from mainly my mother but my father in the last few years seemed to mimic my mother's behavior and now both are very much covert narc it drives me crazy that most people can't see straight through them for what they really are....of course they made sure that i look like the complete and total bad guy here and that there's nothing more going on besides the fact that I'm the bad egg in the family.....it's too exhausting trying too prove otherwise so i just accept whatever imagine they have created for me to look like to everyone on the outside just as long as they are at a distance in my life i can careless what anyone thinks of me anymore...but i still constantly say I'm sorry so this i must work on because i refuse to be unhappy it's time to love myself and start living a much healthier and happy life!

[@Yuneed2no]

So many situation for all of us that we blame ourselves for even though we know it isn't our fault but it's ingrained to this point that we don't even realize that the situation or what's going on or isn't perfect is our fault or not. Apologizing for someone's bad day even though we didn't cause it but I'm sorry. Trauma takes a hard toll and everytime I do apologize I genuinely mean it even if it's not my fault. Words truly can't explain it.

[@ThePinkFloydFanatic]

I always reply, "no need to apologize". Solved.

[@anonimo-xm7op]

It's been shown that a sign of child abuse is chronic apologizing. This was the case for me. When I would apologize, it was a way to placate someone who is angry to prevent them from attacking me. I believed my child abuse was my fault. So, I thought if I explained I was sorry, I would be spared. I'm not seeking approval when I bump into a chair and apologize reflexively. It's a reaction to always feeling like I am doing something wrong. I thought it was horrible when my coaches pulled me out of a soccer game and made me do pushups if I said sorry during a soccer game and so many people told me to stop apologize. I've kicked the habit over the years, but I still feel the shame and it affects every aspect of my life. Thank you for pointing out that people shouldn't shame people who apologize excessively.

[@slydtsman]

I get this. And you were way better than me. When was younger, I didn't apologize. When confronted with even a slight mistake or constructive criticism at work or home, I responded with anger, going back to that emotion of being put down and hit.., throwing things, and hurting things. Physically and emotionally. Damage was done, Police were called, feelings were hurt, either I or the people with me were kicked out of establishments or homes, firings commenced. I too was bullied and physically abused at home, & bullied at school, from grade 3 all the way up to High School. Today, if I say I'm sorry, it's because I actually did something like bumping into someone. If they don't respond, oh well. If somebody apologizes to me, even if it was a slight that I don't see as an infraction, I just say it's alright or da nada. It's no big deal. I've let go of the anger and still trying to this day, to get rid of the residual toxicity of that consuming anger. Don't feel ashamed of apologizing. Just get therapy to work out your issues if you haven't already. Good luck! You are loved. Don't let anybody tell you differently!

[@danr2562]

Saying sorry to people just fucked me over I don’t even get annoyed at myself for it anymore it got to the point I’ve had mates try to hurt me for doing it (e.g ignoring me and pretending I don’t exist or hitting me) but now I get why they did it

[@gghfbd7416]

i don’t think i’m abused tho :o

[@Fiveandime]

I was abused as a child and knew they were wrong. However, I always innately knew I was enough and you don't need my approval. You need your own approval. What I feel for me now is to move on from folks who say sorry. I can't be around it - especially in the working environment. Its sad when folks have been abused and we carry it around. It actually makes me sad for them - because I've been there and I just really want to hug them.

[@yondermileslimpey3892]

I'm figuring myself out rn about this. Childhood trauma, trama from ex's. I feel really weird putting the pieces together like this. I don't know where to go from this but now I know why. I thought maybe it's myself esteem and a joke and I need to take myself more seriously. But it's my defense mechanism. I wasn't like this. I'm trying to keep myself safe. I think everything I do is bothering someone. Ugh idk I want to be a strong person and it's making me angry that the years of my life like this is controlling my now. I'm stressed that I'm not self confident and troubled. I got comments from coworkers last night about my apologizing and I laughed and said I apologize for my exsistance and my other co worker said that it made them sad. Then I started thinking more about it. Then I Google searched it and seen why. The article I read literally said "apologizing for exsisting" and I was saying it as a joke to my coworker but really wth.

[@tracybennett6178]

It's a form of greeting in Canada. :-)

[@Buccarado]

what do you mean?

[@noragoodwin8053]

Tracy Bennett haha I'm sorry❤❤❤🇨🇦❤❤❤

[@gargwinvinesnake6961]

Tracy Bennett I'm sorry but that's funny my fellow Canadian 🍁

[@aqualuna9599]

Tracy Bennett sorry

[@mercy_faith_]

XD yep pretty much lol

[@teaholubova1806]

When you said "What they are looking for is "It's ok. " I started crying and realized I really do need someone to say it to me.

[@Muslimah393]

I hope you’re doing better now.

[@Ali-rl2wr]

I especially love hearing the words from 3:20 - 3:31. "You don't have to apologize for your .... existence, you're allowed to take up space, you're allowed to make noise, you're allowed to not be perfect."

[@EmergencyTemporalShift]

I thought all your videos were comedy, this is actually really deep. I had a friend who did that, and I kept telling her, no you are not sorry, you didn't do anything.

[@EmergencyTemporalShift]

Hmm.

[@Merthalophor]

yeah, some videos are just funny and silly, and in others he's really deep

[@Mouserjan0222]

He's not wearing the snazzy head band so you can tell it's "serious"

[@daikiryoku]

I'm sure he is sorry about that

[@EmergencyTemporalShift]

STOP APOLOGIZING!

[@SethCrosby]

I usually respond, "I absolve you. Go and sin no more."

[@Niamh2012]

Stephanie could try a bit of compassion and awareness and look at why she's drawing over apologisers to her and why she's taking it so personally.

[@val-uw3ki]

Agreed!! It sounds like Stephanie lacks compassion. Sounds like she also gets hung up on things that don't really matter and obviously obsesses over them as she needs to seek advice on how to cope with the horrible act that is apologizing. I'd much rather hear someone say i'm sorry over and over than have them be hateful, rude, or uncaring.

[@Sexxxyism]

Sometimes I taker it personally when someone says "I'm sorry." For example, a woman at the pet store said "Hey Marilyn." My husband turned around and saw that the woman was talking to her daughter. My husband motioned toward me and said "My wife is named Marilyn too." The woman said "I'm sorry." That was completely uncalled for and I was upset. The woman that said "I'm sorry" came off as a real jackass.

[@PrydeFoltz]

Sorry is Canadian for namaste:)

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Pryde Foltz Haha :-)

[@3OHT.]

Canada here, didn't know this was a problem

[@MrxstGrssmnstMttckstPhlNelThot]

I do it because I'm Canadian. Sorry for that. Shit, that sorry was superfluous. I'm sorry. Sorry for doing it again. I can't stop. I'm so sorry. Oops. Sorry for that swear earlier. Sorry.

[@zzzzzz-yz5lv]

Bless your neurotic little heart

[@arond6790]

my bro does that just to annoy mr

[@arond6790]

+Cult Dun Studios *me

[@SanityVideo]

Maybe I should just learn to do a Canadian accent, and no one will notice how much I say sorry.

[@deadams8905]

Awe💗 Canada seems like a nice place

[@lizcorbett2587]

i say sorry a lot but its not because im ashamed of my own existence. its because i feel like im viewed as somebody who should be ashamed of her own existence. its probably all in my head but its really how i feel. if i act to confident and dont show subtle signs of submission i tend to not get good reactions from people. its like a nervous habit

[@fruitycolax]

so u are ashamed then arnt u

[@BlackOreoCookie]

so are you asshamed that you are NOT asshamed of your own existence?

[@lizcorbett2587]

Reema Ameer yes or it's intentional. Its the same thing as saying "excuse me" or using submissive body language, such as lowering your gaze or bowing your head....even raising your eyebrows. This manifests itself differently in all cultures as etiquette but ultimately it stems from the same place. It's really just simple social manipulation and it doesnt mean you are ashamed of yourself

[@crywhit4619]

There has to come a point in time where you say "fuck it" and jump off the sorry submissive train. You can either be the person others see you as or the person, you, want to be. Watching people act a fool and fight each other on KZbin has really helped me to get over that.

[@whatrtheodds]

Liz Corbs Those people aren't worth submitting to if you don't truly feel it. Sometimes I have to defend my position, but I don't think there is a way out of that. I am deserving of my space and I know it. But its a constant push and pull, and only you can teach people how to treat you.... its hard for all of us, we all have the sub and dom in us I think.

[@ItIsJustJudy]

I would question why so many people feel the need to say "I'm sorry" to people like Stephanie. Could it be something she is doing to silently belittle them? I have noticed from my own personal experience that when I do say "I'm sorry" for an unknown reason, it's seems to be brought out by the aggression of a very dominant person I am working with. I can think of two in particular. I'm sorry 😉, just my two cents.

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Judy JR (Life with my dogs) I think these two cents of yours is a great consideration!

[@dboy6400]

I completely understand JP's point and agree with it. I think there are other reasons for "I'm sorry", I use it sometimes as a social grace such as when getting a bit close to bumping into someone. Sometimes it's "oops-excuse me" or "pardon me", just whichever pops out. On a side note- JP you are majestic on a bigscreen through a Tivo box!

[@idid138]

True! As a caregiver, I had a client that I seemed to say "sorry" to, and his response was "don't be sorry, be careful".

[@janedoex8345]

definitely....

[@Yo.Hannes]

I say "I'm sorry" so much I call myself a Canadian. I do it constantly. Watching this made me realize I do it because I feel like a constant inconvenience to others. I've been doing this even since I was little.

[@TheSomeoneNamed]

Despite being super sarcastic in most of his videos, I feel like he's actually really intelligent. The "I'm sorry" meaning "I'm ashamed right now." really hits home. Love this.

[@PertNearFedUp-bj1tx]

TheSomeoneNamed ....I'm sorry..JP is brilliant. I'm sorry I'm not as brilliant. 😂😂

[@ikelove6784]

I tell people "you are sorry"

[@dboy6400]

According to the equation, that justifies your existence. Probably true, I'm sorry it's so.

[@bobwegner]

I jokingly say "you should be." It's a non-confrontational way of helping get them out of that pattern.

[@rrrw9554]

I clicked this video because I'm bothered that my significant other apologizes a lot. I was enlightened when I learned that I have a problem giving approval (something that I was aware of, but don't understand well). That concept completely resonates with me. I guess I'm as imperfect and insecure as the people I'm criticizing.

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Rrr W That makes two of us :-)

[@jassyburk448]

I say, "I forgive you". And they look shocked, lol.

[@xxxTrUxDiVaxxx]

There is a lot of truth to what you're saying and I think it applies to a lot of people. However, I am a bit of an "overly sorry" person, yet I'm very aware that I say it and I genuinely mean it. This holds true even when I apologize for little things that may not matter. I say it because I genuinely care about how others feel, and if I wrong them, even in a small way, I want them to know that I'm aware I made a mistake and I was not intentionally trying to hurt them. Perhaps that's putting too much pressure on myself to make others "happy", but I'd rather apologize for my small missteps, than just blow through life knocking people over and instead of offering an apology, tell them they should stay out of my way.

[@val-uw3ki]

Girl, yes! I'm the same way. I don't believe that I say sorry solely out of shame or to feel validated by "manipulating" people into saying it's okay. I genuinely care about other people and I say it out of courtesy/politeness. For example, if I'm walking down an aisle in the grocery store and I have to walk in between someone's view of an item, I naturally say "excuse me, sorry!" I understand that I am not doing anything terribly wrong, but they were there first and I did disrupt their space and their view to get through. To me, that's courtesy, not a cry for approval. I get that it may be a little redundant saying "excuse me, sorry," but like you, I'd rather be kind and considerate than be the asshole that just blows by without saying anything at all. It really comes from a place of consideration for others.

[@BJBurns888]

Jlee B Yes! And sometimes I didn't misstep but some one is hurt and I'm sorry they're hurt. Not because I caused it or feel shame for it. But because I love them and hate that they're hurt.

[@JanDoggen]

You are forgetting one source where "I'm sorry" comes from: empathy/sympathy. As in: "I'm sorry to hear that" Maybe the video should have started with the different meanings of "I'm sorry" and then say "We are going to address this specific one".

[@mh1290]

Once I learned what shame truly is, it opened up a door to help me understand why I am constantly hard on myself and constantly apologizing to others. Shame is often the root of why I feel how I do. It’s such a powerful emotion.

[@CindyHigginsRichelle]

Because we were raised catholic

[@CindyHigginsRichelle]

And i'm sorry

[@enlightenme7500]

YES. I was tought self punishing penance from birth. Took me 30+ years to shed my Catholic guilt. LOL!!!!@"and I'm sorry"

[@GrandMasterAbe]

which catholic?

[@CindyHigginsRichelle]

Roman

[@GrandMasterAbe]

Cindy Higgins oh..I'am too. Over the years, I'd begun to understand it is not because I'am Catholic, it is because I have low self-esteem. Not anymore. Done with saying sorry all the time.

[@pearlsbeforeswine60]

The worst kind of "I'm sorry" is the one where the person is actually pissed off at you and about to say something offensive. "I'm sorry, but that's not the way we do things here, so too bad".." If you're pissed, just say it and be pissed, don't dilute it with a fake apology. Akin to "No offense, but you suck." In my experience it is much more the purview of women. I know very few habitually apologetic men. Glad to see you sitting down to record., JP.

[@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane]

What's worse are the type of people that NEVER apologize, that can't see they've done something wrong, or just don't care that they've hurt you in some way.

[@sunset33533]

The mindfulness book "30 Days to Stop Apologizing" by Harper Daniels is helpful.

[@SDSUPERIOR]

I agree that words are very powerful, and that "sorry" may be a symptom of other distractions/self shame/etc that a person may be feeling and therefore projecting into the world. A friend of mine is fond of saying, "People will tell you everything you need to know about them, as long as you know how to listen". Thanks for sharing your perspective and please keep making and posting videos.

[@aveguevara]

JP, you really discuss deep aspects of human behavior. As a former apologizer, I can say when I did it, it was only around certain people, and the energy within me while I did it, which I was aware I was doing it, was draining. I'd watch myself beneath the words, which weren't always, "I'm sorry" sorry would come in several forms for me....saying as a side note response, 'oh, sorry' or just 'sorry' - It wore me out actually. But the interesting thing is, to me, it was only around certain people, and it's been so long, I can't remember and share if it was a certain 'type' of person I'd be inclined to 'spout sorries' around. But again, thank you for touching deeply and sharing your honesty about such subjects. Blessings.

[@UnholyRave666]

Ims sry, but i didn't read your whole comment, i just read the first sentence and cme to the conclusion that your slime is too mucg to bear with. Its only to slug, at best.

[@asabovsawbilow3850]

i always say "you better be sorry" to make them realize

[@nathannavarrete3791]

I'm feeling curious if you are open to consider the perspective there is a possibility that approach is covert shame masquerading as humor perhaps, and I can also hold the point of view simultaneously that humor can bring people to their emotional and intellectually programmed communication.

[@Blessedbeyond.]

Wow did you hit the nail right on the head!!!! For 30 years of my life if made a mistake or upset someone I was physically beaten, not to mention the shaming and emotional abuse. I have been sorry for my existence ever since and still do this at 52 years of age. It's sad that people like myself feel so insecure and worthless that this would even be a problem. For those offended by apologies, as difficult as it is, please remind yourself there is a deeper meaning for this. God bless and keep you all!

[@Sally-gu8mq]

This man is good.. he is just good.

[@JegMak]

I'm sorry... Sorry I can't apologize!

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Jeg You should be!

[@aqualuna9599]

Jeg XD

[@walk.]

Come to England. Everyone says "I'm sorry" before any sentence it's part of the culture here...polite mannerism...don't know if it's good or bad...

[@AwakenWithJP]

+SUCCESS MOTIVATION: Health Wealth Love Happiness I love you lovely apologetic Brits :-)

[@Girlfromthewoods]

This reminds me of the overlythankfulness too. This 'thank you so so much' kindof thing, e.g. when buying something. You are already paying for it, do you need to kiss their shoes too?

[@TheFalseWidow]

Hey JP, I love your videos and all forms of comedy and satire, been a long time subscriber but this is my first comment. I want you to know how much I appreciate what you do and I would never expect you to know this, but I’m sharing it with you because you have a wonderful platform and are able to address complex and painful issues more comfortably than anyone I’ve ever seen. I was a little sensitive to this video because I used to be an apologizer, not in the polite way but in the “im dramatically begging for forgiveness even though I simply made a minor noise or bushed against you gently.” I am 32, I was an apologizer for several years after I moved out of my families home and in times of extreme anxiety I fall back to it. My little sister has been a mother for 3 years and is in her 20s and she is still an apologizer. We were both very violently abused on ongoing and daily’s basis by our mother, and though I have grown a thick skin, the type of people who are apologetic aren’t generally the type who want to burden you with their suffering, typically because of the type of abuser they had. I just feel like there isn’t enough awareness that this is not a trivial symptom of a low self-esteem. I would be surprised if most people who apologize in a begging manner haven’t frequently felt like they were begging for mercy from someone who had a continuous hold on their physical or mental well-being on one occasion. Abusers love hearing how sorry their victims are.

[@kermitthefrayer]

Ive recently started asking people why they are sorry when they arbitrarily apologize. You get some interesting reactions.

[@Artbug]

I am so thankful for finding your channel. your funny stuff is great, but this serious deep stuff is amazing! such a real and unpretentious look into people. keep up the great work! 💕💕💕

[@cloud1494]

I think you struck a chord with me on the being ashamed piece. I think it's a somewhat subconscious attestation that we don't measure up with what we believe in our conscience to be right. We screwed up somehow and now we're trying to make amends. Sometimes people take this really far and apologize for everything, this to me verifies that they are insecure and have the idea that they do nothing right. Sometimes people don't apologize enough because they somehow believe that they are always right. There's a balance to be had though. And there's also a pointing to the fact that we're all flawed and fail even when we try our hardest. Really, only Christ can set us free from our failures. If you come before Christ as the ultimate forgiver of sins, he can remove our insecurities through his grace. If the proud can be humble enough to admit that they need forgiveness they can also find that in Christ. We all fall short of the glory of God and need forgiveness.

[@Che8t]

Oh man, you just perfectly described what I've been feeling and why. I've always found myself apologizing and it bugs those around me, and then I felt that I needed to apologize even more. I never even realized that it was coming from my own sense of shame, but now that you've said it, it makes perfect sense. I've been ashamed of myself and I've been seeking affirmation and permission for my own existence.

[@crustinagohard105]

Discovered this channel three days ago. Watched 5+ videos each of those three days. Subscribed after the first video. Each video makes my head spin. (I love it and thank you.) This one and the psychology of sarcasm could keep my brain occupied FOREVER as it seems at this moment!

[@socialartsclub2527]

You nailed the point JP. Great to see you in a not ironic video but being kind of serious and very honest. You are a very intelligent man. Take care.

[@ArmenMano]

I often answer: it's okay... to feel sorry sometimes.

[@valzugg]

This video just hit all the nuances so well, i can barely believe it, thank you dude

[@ticklefritz5406]

Well said. Good job unraveling this topic JP.

[@critterlex3872]

I think a lot of people who apologize all the time also were raised by abusive parents who went into a rage at the slightest thing. As a kid my mother could go into a screaming fit for things such as muttering under my breath, using too much dish soap, having the wrong long on my face, being too quiet (she thought I was plotting against her) or being too loud. She was a fucking whacko narcissist and when i first left home I didn't apologize but I asked "are you mad at me?" all the time because I was afraid of everyone and thought they would get angry and fly into a rage at the slightest provocation.

[@zacharyg5149]

Growing up, I knew my mother loved me, but she had a chemical imbalance. This led to her flying off the handle for simple things. She screamed a lot. I'm remember saying I'm sorry a lot when I was a kid and I still do it. But I've been getting really tired of doing it and I'm working on it.

[@PolyesterCandy]

I've been entertained by your other videos, but this one is why I subscribed. Dude... honestly... you are making the world a better place. The irony is the "life coach" video... and meanwhile... you're actually doing it. Thank you.

[@random55912]

Thanks JP for talking sense once more. I believe unraveling these knots allow yourself to grow as a person.

[@ceelo3998]

THIS is my favorite yet. Maybe especially because of the smiles but you hit the ball out of the park.

[@NaiefThegoony]

I say sorry a lot it's a self esteem thing i always feel like it's my fault whenever anything bad happens and i try to listen to people and say thank you instead but i never feel like i showed how bad i felt it felt like i hurt people and saying sorry kind of stops me from feeling horrible

[@sarahdoering7992]

My favorite authentic JP! 😍🙌🏼

[@paulkenney9177]

Hey Sears, as a Canadian, 'I'm sorry' is genetically encoded. Sorry.

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Paul kenney Apology accepted :-)

[@bealotcoolerifyoudid7217]

:D love canadians ...sorry

[@cindyhalliger7461]

JP Sears, I have just recently 'stumbled' upon your terrific videos and I have already learned a ton. I was someone who said they were sorry just whenever something went wrong, even though it was not my fault. In the past couple of years, I have learned about what happened to my psyche/soul because of serious physical abuse as a child, which turned into VERY covert abuse as I became an adult. I had been taught to forgive these offenses over and over, which I did, causing me to remain in difficult situations. One of the symptoms of the abuse was that I apologized. I had no idea why I was doing it, nor even that it might be a problem. I just wanted things to be okay, so I would apologize even though I had done nothing wrong. I have watched your video on narcissistic abuse and agree with you 100%. I have done the work on myself to see the things that you talked about and have recovered myself and awakened to a new and beautiful life, without abusive people around me any longer. It took 58 years to figure out what was going on as everything was VERY covert, but everything came to light finally, and I was set free. The past two years have been the most amazing of my entire life and life is exciting and lovely! I just want to say that people who apologize all the time have probably undergone some very traumatic experiences in their lives and might just need an understanding ear who can help them find their way to healing. Thank you!

[@aba1829]

Quite refreshing to see a non sketch video from you. Keep me coming, along with the funny ones. :)

[@annacopeland6733]

This is insightful... Thank you. You are changing my life :)

[@donnieji4825]

i love love love the videos where JP shares straight knowledge like this. The comedic value he shares shows us how intelligent he is and i love to hear the wealth of intellect sometimes instead of pure humor. thank you JP!!!!!!!!!!!

[@CrossTheRoadRider]

Thank you for your kind explanation. Greetings from Russia!

[@TheWilliamalbarello]

JP, I'm really glad that I found your channel... I'm from Brazil. I considerer you a great Master for this generation! Thank you so much for your wisdom!

[@sparrow9403]

I have been plagued with the excessive use of the word sorry. And for me, JP, you explained it down to my very soul. I guess going throughout my life I was always told by my brothers that they hated my existence. I have gone through my life sorry for being sorry. I had never known how to put purge myself of this. Thank you JP for doing this topic.

[@marychase3720]

This is how I lived most of my life up until not long ago. Practically apologizing for my very existence.. for taking up anyone else's precious time and space. yeah. Thanks JP for speaking on this.

[@chuckprudence]

I used to say I'm sorry all the time and being called on it quite frequently. I don't anymore and thinking back on it I see another dimension. "I'm sorry" isn't necessarily an apology, it can simply be an expression of empathy. I can be sorry you're hurting, without apologizing for it, especially if it's not my fault. And I feel some people are annoyed by it when it confronts them with the fact they don't feel that empathy while they think they should.

[@dianastill674]

+chuck prudence That's what I was going to say. I often say "I'm sorry" as a expression of "I hate that ___ happened to you." "It makes me feel bad that you are feeling bad." "I feel sorry for you." Is there another phrase for this?

[@CourtneyAmundson]

Wow, you so got this!! I've been wanting to put these thoughts together, within myself and to also be able to communicate it to others. Nobody talks about this, because most of it is so unconscious, like you said. Thanks! By the way, I love your ultra spiritual life series, I totally crack up every time! Anybody that can draw those exact words has to have experience with the ultra spirituals in life. I soooo get it hahaha!!

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Courtney Amundson Thank you for your lovely thoughts Courtney!

[@CourtneyAmundson]

+AwakenWithJP I think you would really be interested in my work JP, I'm a new author/ spiritual teacher and I'm 20. I really enjoy all you are sharing, just wanted to connect because it feels we are on the same wavelength! My website is teachingsfromgod.com if you are interested :-)

[@88darling88]

I'm so glad I found this channel today.

[@TheresaHannahMunns]

I say sorry (& thank you) to show/share that I have respect for the other person's relationship quality, such as waiting patiently in a line for service or attention. I have always used this as an opener in work conversations to relax people into our relationship to share power

[@brittneycomes]

Hi JP! I realized that I do this with certain people. I realized that when I did it I actually had higher expectations for myself with those people. I was raised to be a certain way with "elders" and people I should have more respect for. I do this a lot with my step mother. She doesn't like it and I have explained why I think I do it and now I try really hard to avoid it but I agree. I am saying "I'm ashamed at not meeting my inner expectations for not respecting you as a person the way I was raised to". Great video JP!

[@sapenpen9362]

You did a amazing job explaining about being sorry. Thank you!

[@kyczy1]

Thank for this important discussion on this ubiquitous phrase that at its most benign is a place filler, and at its worst is just how you described it: affirm that I am OK even if I have done NOTHING or if I have some SOMEthing. Shame is a tough mantle to shed. Validation for existence is a tough responsibility to take on if one has been habituated to defining self in the eyes of others. Well done! A lot to think about.

[@eon214]

I love you. People always say sorry to me too, cos I'm ugly or something. Anyways, I tell people "STOP SAYING Sorry", just start acting and doing the right way, the right things, saying sorry doesn't make what you did or said OMIT. UNDO. NO! No stop it! You did it, you said it, sorry isn't going to save you anymore. I don't take people seriously who say sorry. Mean what you do and what you think, what you say and what you feel. If you don't mean it, don't GO THERE, so you don't have to SAY SORRY, right? Just be real. Sorry = fake.

[@c.herriges687]

Omg. This made me cry. It hit way too close thank you for this video

[@tobinkaestner]

#1 pet peeve! I work in a grocery store and make a point of saying "excuse me" if I bump into someone, but everyone else says sorry. "You didn't do anything wrong" I'd love to tell them "we're human, we make mistakes!

[@emmajakeman3682]

Thank you for this video ☺️

[@kimanndoherty6951]

That is extremely thoughtful Thank you for doing that video

[@susannekaiser8247]

great to finally find a sense making explanation for the whole sorry-thing! i'm german but live in ireland for years and never really grasped this urge to apologize for nothing(hence tend to remain somewhat indifferent),so i assumed it must be an english spoken cultural-mannerism habit.thank you.

[@chromaticgeckos3433]

This was deeply helpful for me - ty JP.

[@saigenrose1032]

The I'm sorry philosophy is just a form of a respect issue towards others I believe. But no, I agree noone should have to consistently say sorry over little things that shouldn't even matter. Exactly what you said Jp, & I'm glad you addressed this by making a video about it as well. Thank you, have a nice evening Jp :-) 👍Namaste 🌻🍃

[@hannal5126]

Thank You for this Video

[@jeremyfought6483]

you hit the nail right on the head with this one i know people like this i kind of thought the same thin as you but you put it in better context

[@JessicaOrban3606]

Holy crap... I have been on both sides of this. I apologize for my existence, taking up space, being imperfect, having attention. But I've also seen how others need that, "You're okay" to be validated, and a few times it's been annoying to me, particularly when they don't just relax. We are mirrors for each other. Insightful breakdown JP, great awareness for all :-)

[@craigmontgomery9346]

Thank you for this framework! This has been an issue for me on both sides.

[@mrsm2647]

I say "I am sorry" all the time. This is not because I am ashamed, but because I respect the other's expectations, efforts and time very much. Saying "I am sorry" means to me "I acknowledge your expectations, I agree with them and I regret it happened slightly differently. I value you and our relationship more than I value my ego, so I say 'sorry'." I don't think that the other person realizes all the time what "I am sorry" means to me when I say that. It comes from a great respect.

[@Ackehece]

I'm sorry, I say it because I am a Canadian :)

[@AwakenWithJP]

+Joel Rigby I'm sorry that you're Canadian.

[@Ackehece]

+AwakenWithJP I am sorry that my Canadian citizenship caused you to feel sorry.

[@CultofThings]

I'm sorry that you feel that way.

[@Shendify]

Most people say I am sorry so they can do it again.

[@riverjordan392]

Thanks JP, Your videos are quite good . I don't smoke weed , because I don't enjoy the affects of it. Your videos are a great substitute for being high and tripping out , sorta. I listen to tons of videos on a certain topic for helping people escape from abusive relationships, so in between those sometimes I click on your videos. Thanks again JP.

[@saigenrose1032]

You are awesome, Keep up the great work Jp! ✌☺

[@hazeknowledge7444]

Thank you for this

[@harremsis]

Some deep thoughts JP. Made me reflect what this little phrase actually wants to express when it slips out once again...

[@majintravis1887]

Hello Jp I'm a new sub to your channel I seen your videos though Facebook and I've gotta say out of the passed 6 videos I've watched you are a very funny guy and a very intelligent men I've been in a dark place as of late and just listening to you speak opens my mind alot. great job and resume your wonderful channel sir.

[@pnk_venus]

Thank you so much for this video

[@nathannavarrete3791]

When I heard you say "I'm going to go be weird" I was laughing and I value the humor! I feel confident that the work of Marshal Rosenburg and nonviolent communication meets our need for meaning in conscious empathetic language that can take us to a point of view where we can Witness the unconscious scripts we has spoke from an emotional or intellectual programmed past active memory or mimicing media or our caregivers and never been shown how to grow up and wake up from programmed responded and instead find a new approach to stay alive and authentic what is alive in us and break the cycle of unconscious superficial communication that only has lead to domination and disconnection.

[@laura-hr2rj]

This video is amazing!

[@creator2149]

Thank you, choir singing . great, fantastic.

[@ZorroVenonoso]

JP im like obsessed with this video. It's great.

[@lorig1087]

Oooh man, this is very much,for me as I say ,"I'm sorry all the time".... You are correct.... I say it, meaning to be genuine, but I do feel ashamed..... I can understand, the irritation though. I'm holding back, "I'm not going to say it... Instead, "thank you"! 🤦🙌

[@Librasister333]

10:12. Thank you. I have always acted like this. I don't share the burden of their saying sorry. I usually ignore it. I didn't realize it was like that, thanks for putting it into words.

[@3AdaptationAcademy3]

I definitely do this from a place of shame. I think you're spot on with this observation.

[@thx1137]

Ok, after about 5 videos I subscribed. I like the way JP thinks :-) I'm sorry.

[@kingrhino11]

Love this video topic!