How to Gain Control in Today's Chaotic World

In this video, we'll explore strategies and perspectives aimed at navigating chaos and finding a sense of empowerment, not only in controlling our surroundings but also in thriving within them.
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The world around us often presents challenges that feel overwhelming and beyond our control. Our discussion aims to offer insights into regaining a sense of agency, discussing practical methods to manage the chaos and uncertainty that surround us.
▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:10 - Society is becoming more depressed
02:00 - How do I live?
04:12 - Our brains were not evolved to deal with our society
06:53 - How we move our brains forward
07:25 - The story of the Hindu text Bhagavad Gita
10:28 - A simple meditation technique for control
14:04 - Dr. K’s personal discovery of control
16:50 - Obtaining a flow state
18:14 - Realizing what you can do about control
19:26 - An impactful story from Dr. K
────────────
DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
#healthygamergg #control #mentalhealth

[@ChanceCardFilm]

"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." -Jean-Luc Picard

[@treeforged9097]

Thank god the 3rd season redeemed his character. The second season of Picard was the worst season of TV I have ever seen but somehow they managed to turn it around.

[@violettracey]

Thanks!

[@stoodmuffinpersonal3144]

It's rough. But. It's real.

[@yiqingtan4079]

Exactly. I told my brother this before when he was struggling with an interaction with his ex-boss. It helped him to see that just because the interaction didn't go the way he hoped, doesn't mean he did anything wrong.

[@LunaGer]

That fictional man is my guru.

[@theamazingplayer5225]

In the meditation part, as soon as Dr. K, asked "What can you control?" an ad popped up to interrupt the meditation. I was about to get pissed about that, "how can this thing interrupt me right at this moment where I'm very concentrated?" But then, i realized that I can't fucking control when the ad pops up in the video, and everything made sense. I just wanted to share this cause I found it very interesting.

[@heroslippy6666]

interesting

[@mateocorrea3768]

I see

[@Marcotonio]

But you CAN control what things you install on your computer that might prevent ads.

[@Sixty_Five_Pronghorn]

@@eugheniymelnikov2356 Not anymore lmao

[@ryanmahrenholz3944]

⁠@@vibe7416I definitely can see this perspective, and I would think different people derive motivation from different things, however you often hear about athletes, and especially elite ones talking about taking it one day at a time, when Dr. K says don’t focus on the outcome I don’t think he means ignore it entirely, he means you cannot immediately control whether you win a championship right this second, but you can control what you do in each and every moment leading up to the opportunity and during it to try to achieve the end goal.

[@jennw6809]

Dr. K seems genuinely upset about the state of the world and the opening feels very vulnerable. I really appreciate this.

[@blessedowoboi]

What is with this generation and its vulnerability fetish

[@CoconutChriss]

@@blessedowoboi It's not a fetish. It is maybe one of the first generations which is really showing what all the other gens were just hiding (which made them sick and their environment with them). This is about mental health... this is why we watch Dr. K. It isn't so hard to understand.

[@gj4312]

​@@blessedowoboi when people admit what makes them vulnerable so we can fix it and in turn everyone becomes invulnerable, that's pretty hot.

[@erikarnesen6052]

@@blessedowoboi Because it means you are where you are and dare to be ok with it.

[@coreykrochmal3465]

@@blessedowoboi Because it feels like everyone in the world is constantly hiding from themselves and hiding from others. We've been taught to care more about how we're perceived than how we are living and how we exist. Vulnerability breaks that and offers us a chance to have a deeper connection with each other that extends far beyond worrying about how they see us.

[@Brave_SJ]

My dad told me once that the prayer Alcoholics Anonymous opens and closes every meeting with is, "Lord give me the strength to change the things I can and the patience to deal with the things that I cannot." And honestly that's always sounded to me like something that everyone could use, alcoholic or not. Even if you're not religious, pursuing the strength to control only the things you are able to, and the patience to accept the things you can't change seems like a good goal to strive for.

[@DrumWild]

Christians lifted that from the Stoic philosophers who came before them.

[@Brave_SJ]

@@DrumWild Probably. Most successful religions take from philosophies and faiths that came before them and ones they encounter while spreading.

[@alejrandom6592]

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

[@nestortomaselli6372]

Oh yes, the serenity prayer… this one is very near and dear to me. This is the reason why I’ve thought that in modern day society everyone could benefit off some peer-to-peer recovery program that is free and easy to access. I feel like having these programs available to everyone (not just addicts) would also make us kinder and more empathetic as human beings.

[@newuser689]

@@DrumWild yep. My dad isn’t religious but after becoming sober he read some stoicism texts and now helps recovering alcoholics out with a message very similar to what op posted. And fun fact, Epictetus’ Discourses was a book regularly used in and approved by Christian orthodox churches in the past.

[@HouseBeam]

Can't say enough how much I appreciate Dr. K's frankness and honesty on this channel. It's really helping me rediscover my compassion for people

[@stinkbug87289]

Perfectly said. I feel the same way

[@montegyro]

I cant emphasize enough how charismatic people are as kids before life beat them up with trauma.

[@rohanking12able]

Charismatic?

[@ze_kangz932]

@@rohanking12able charismatic as in full of life, energy and hope for the future.

[@rohanking12able]

@@ze_kangz932 ah. I didn't know that was a use for charismatic

[@ze_kangz932]

@@rohanking12able We learn something new errday:) Have a nice day

[@Mikinaak2023]

​@@rohanking12ableit isn't though.

[@nebbypewpewpew8767]

We're also lucky to live in a timeline where life-changing lessons gets circulated for free. You're a real inspiration Dr. K and team :)

[@jerujedesu]

"I can't fix you." It's scary but true, made me cry.

[@Dmobley9901]

"How did I find a girlfriend?- I decided to be celibate-" That right there, is probably the most relatable thing I have ever heard in my entire life- Literally ended up being with the greatest person in my entire life when I completely gave up on relationships- In a way, the best way to go through the world, is to just do what you can with the little you're given. This video really helps and echoes in my own life experiences.

[@xXx_Regulus_xXx]

same happened to me too! I got very attached to women I knew who were good friends but weren't good matches romantically, and then had a weird run-in with a stranger who showed interest but just wanted money. after that I gave up on dating and spent that time writing and hanging with friends instead. my future long term GF was drawn to me because of how I acted when I wasn't in "desperately trying to hold your attention" mode and I've been with her for years.

[@Dmobley9901]

@@xXx_Regulus_xXx Almost the exact same for me, although, I'm not exactly at the best point in my life right now- I'm actually watching these videos because I sort of lost my love- For now anyways- We met long distance and had a solid relationship for 2 years, and were even talking about meeting in person, moving in together, and marriage, but she always had a very toxic and mentally abusive family that she wanted to get away from to try and get better, which is why we made plans to officially close the distance last September. Unfortunately things didn't go as planned, her family made her cut ties with me before she could move, and there was even a few months where they didn't allow her to contact anyone outside of her family at all so we didn't even know if she was safe. We got the police involved but- I won't get into all the details, but effectively, we were able to confirm she was at least physically safe, and allow her to reconnect with her old friend group to some degree, but whatever happened before that, even her own friends suspect that they threatened me in some way, so she still hasn't reestablished communication with me, despite showing signs that she wants to. That's why I'm here now, I know she'd want me to do the best I could even if I don't have her around, and I'm trying to focus on what I can do rather than lingering over what I can't. I still have hope, but it's been close to a year, and I know realistically I can't stop life from moving forward while I want to go back to the past. She wouldn't want that for me either, and I wouldn't want that for her. So yeah, sorry if that's a lot, but I figured I'd share more of my story for any good that it might do someone. Plus I'm curious about the people in this community. I've only watched a handful of videos and shorts from this channel, but what I have watched has helped to either solidify some thoughts I've been having for a while, or recontextualize what I've been through in the past, as well as help me find more practical ways of living. Who knows, maybe the world's sense of irony will bring that person back in my life when we've both just been doing what we can and not worrying about what we can't, like how we first met. Of course, I can't count on that, the process is what I need to focus on, not the result I might want. But it would be one hell of an "I called it" moment if exactly that thing happened. XD In fact if I can't control IF it happens, I will plant that seed that IF it does, I'm definitely saving this video so I can come back when/if that happens and share that too, because why not plant the set up for a punchline that's over a year in the making that might not happen? XD If it sticks, it'll be the funniest shit ever, and if it doesn't, well, not all seeds grow to their full potential- But I might as well play the odds.

[@ficklebar]

I’m not searching, not bad looking, really smart, but have not had the fortune of finding that person yet. I think it’s because I’m just an unusual person, hard to relate to.

[@leckmich5452]

same the time i met my lovely boi was when i had no interest in dating

[@Quaberr]

Yeah that doesn’t work for everyone. I gave up 10 years ago and still have nothing

[@cbbpspike]

Bro you don't know how much I needed this right now in this day, in this hour and in this minute. Long story short I lost my job because of depression and heart break. I have a therapy appointment in five hours that I can't afford and I've been stressing all week. I haven't been able to sleep well for a year and you just described a shit ton of what I've been stressing about. Even the simple stuff. But you just described the frustration that I feel and just that simple thing helps so thank you.

[@Victoria-zu9yp]

I wish you well mate. Hang in there

[@Mrpopperer]

Wish you strength 💪

[@SahnigReingeloetet]

I wish you strength

[@edwardmitchell6581]

I’ve been there. Finding something I could do every week and going no matter how I felt made a big difference for me. I went from dancing tango with senior citizens to becoming a dance teacher to reuniting with my first love (in a non-romantic way) to have 3-4 dates a week. I definitely could have prioritized good friendships more.

[@AnAwakenedPanda]

One step at a time. I'm proud of you for seeking help. Maybe the therapist can help refer you to lower/no cost options who are accepting new patients. If not, good luck and I hope things work out for you. ❤️

[@fey5761]

The passion here is really what helps hit this home.

[@supermarioisacat]

Thanks for dropping this reminder at the _precise_ moment it was needed: "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."

[@jessicatoussaint9140]

It makes me think about abusers. How abusers live to control and abuse the people around them. Be it their families, friends, lovers, etc. Through narcissism and other manipulative tactics. And I probably focus on this so much because I came from an abusive household, though I can see that my abusers were never happy. Even when they managed to "control" everyone to be how they wanted, it was never enough. They constantly found something else to make them miserable. Abusers will never be happy because they are trying to get their source of happiness through another person. So long as they do that, happiness will never come

[@kyledahlquist9423]

I'm recently on the other side of 30. I've been feeling this sense of ingrained hopelessness and futility in everything. This has led to no desire to gain a career or "contribute" to a society that I largely despise. This, of course, means I'm now broke and my girlfriend just left me. I've been spiraling hard in the last few years. I appreciate topics like this because I suspect my situation is anything but unique.

[@lastnamefirstname2390]

I very much feel the same way. I'm going through the exact same thing. I want to do better, but I'm so apathetic, I can't muster the effort. I have nothing to aspire or contribute to. I do not love the society we've created. Every day feels like a slog.

[@cunnylicious]

I've had this feeling since forever and probably will never go away. The only thing that keeps me going in life is that I hate the idea of losing more than anything and want to see how far I can win in this unfair reality just to get that sense of self-satisfaction.

[@rw5622]

Kinda scary so many people are like this

[@post7950]

The exact same thing for me too. I wonder what dr. K would say to those who applied to med school three, four, six times and never got in and eventually lost hope. His talent and more importantly effort was eventually validated, he found a job where he can help people every day, something he clearly cares about. Even if you are aware that you can't control the outcomes of your actions, it still becomes more and more difficult to keep trying after every failure and somehow hope there will be a different result. What can we who never succeeded in the first place tell to ourselves in an attempt to motivate ourselves to keep trying, even though it has never worked before?

[@franjkav]

I feel the same and struggling with my career too. I don’t want to work in this same industry because so much of it is directly negatively hurting people and I can’t find anything that feels good or meaningful even if a lot of bad still exists. But I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what I’m even literally and figuratively working towards. I kinda did for a while but even then. I don’t really want anything in or from life. I don’t particularly enjoy anything and never really have. I don’t even remember the last time I laughed really hard. Nor do I know what would induce laughter. I think my dog is the only thing that allows me to maintain this state….but she’ll be gone in a few years if I’m lucky…

[@sibyloftexas]

"A person who has not been completely alienated, who has remained sensitive and able to feel, who has not lost the sense of dignity, who is not yet "for sale", who can still suffer over the suffering of others, who has not acquired fully the having mode of existence - briefly, a person who has remained a person and not become a thing - cannot help feeling lonely, powerless, isolated in present-day society. He cannot help doubting himself and his own convictions, if not his sanity. He cannot help suffering, even though he can experience moments of joy and clarity that are absent in the life of his "normal" contemporaries. Not rarely will he suffer from neurosis that results from the situation of a sane man living in an insane society, rather than that of the more conventional neurosis of a sick man trying to adapt himself to a sick society. In the process of going further in his analysis, i.e. of growing to greater independence and productivity,his neurotic symptoms will cure themselves." -Erich fromm, The Art of Being

[@davloe]

@sibyloftexas This reminds me of a comic picture I've seen once: A guy's standing on a field of flowers with an expression of blissful idiocy on his face. From that field, there's a spiral staircase going up that entirely consists of books. The stairs lead straight into a dark cloud. A second guy's standing on that staircase, looking very depressed and hopeless. But the stairs continue and finally reach beyond the dark cloud. At its end, there's a third guy. As he feels the sun on his face, his expression shows complete acceptance, inner peace and wisdom. I wasn't able to ever find that comic again. But it left a deep impression on me, to the point where I told myself that if I was ever going to get a tattoo, it'd be some interpretation of this comic.

[@sibyloftexas]

@@davloe that's beautiful. I love that. Maybe you can hire a tattoo artist to draw it for you and see if you like it.

[@iforget6940]

Damb, that might be me. Thanks for the recommendation.

[@D_Jilla]

Fascinating. Thank you for sharing! ❤

[@totonow6955]

Thank you.

[@carrieantal7553]

You are seriously giving an enormous gift to the world through these videos. I can't thank you enough.

[@jeremyfultineer7]

Everything seems worse because we’re extremely connected to every news/radio outlet and so there’s endless despair at your fingertips. Choose your battles wisely, don’t mentally jump into every situation you read about

[@darthdiabetes1250]

"endless despair at your fingertips" is such a terrifying yet beautiful way to put it

[@-lord1754]

Exactly I realized this years ago. It contributes to how divided politics are now because someone on one side may be vitriolic to someone voting on the opposing side because of a specific issue that the opposing person probably doesnt know about at all. Its impossible to know everything thats happening, let alone staying mentally well whilst doing so.

[@adamcummings20]

Also our phones and PCs trick us into thinking we wield a shit ton of control over things, because we can experience such wildly different emotions at the push of a button. We can control what people say to us (like choosing which videos to watch) because it's a parasocial interaction, so that mindset doesn't translate into real life where action and reaction is unpredictable.

[@Mikinaak2023]

Detachment is an artform these days.

[@obuuri]

I was freaking out last night. It was nearly 3AM. I was feeling super hopeless. Super tired of existing in such a society. And I couldn't handle the extreme discomfort I was feeling then. I thought to myself, as a joke, that maybe dr.k has some new vid that could help me rn, cause that always seems to happen. And lo and behold, when i opened utube, this video was there and it was uploaded like 19 mins ago and i was like WTF in the end, this video did help me calm down and relax last night. after it ended, i set my phone aside then was able to sleep calmly. i'm just in awe. life is indeed mysterious.

[@Marcotonio]

Ten days later, have you worked on that hopelessness? Not trying to put pressure by demanding results, just making sure you start trying, even in small ways.

[@obuuri]

@Marcotonio yes i have actually. today i've actually decided on taking it easy on myself, to let go, and basically to allow myself to be human since i have not been doing that at all this past weeks

[@Marcotonio]

@@obuuri Nice! Wish you all the luck, and remember to acknowledge your small victories. May it eventually snowball.

[@obuuri]

@@Marcotonio thank you so much for your kind words, may it apply to you too ❤️

[@Dug252]

Ever since 2020 I have felt just a pit of despair and what Bo Burnham has called “that funny feeling.” It’s like we collectively know that the future looks darker and darker. Thanks for sharing a way to make it a bit brighter at looking at what you can control now, yourself, in the present. It isn’t easy but I hope with practice I can keep a glimmer of hope.

[@AangAirB]

Phenomenal video. I have struggled with this idea since I was 18, especially because therapists end up minimizing or blaming. They don't acknowledge how incredibly complicated the world is, and how it affects us. "Just try harder", "you need to focus on the good rather than the bad". Being present and like this video state TRY helped me, and continues to help. Just try regardless of how pointless it seems, regardless of who tells you differently. Being present or mindful doesn't work all the time, because it just isn't enough for me all the time. This is when I lean on therapy or close relationships. However, going back to the basics of focusing on what I can control always brings me back to my normal

[@fawazahmed4978]

i know this comment has completely just ignored your story and i hope that i haven’t invalidated what you’re feeling but i really really wanted to say that i like ur name+pfp god i love avatar the last airbender

[@hfgddg5348]

😊😊 ooo

[@patrickkowalczyk1812]

DAMN this one is a banger. You can feel the energy and passion in Dr.K’s speech. More so in this video than some others. I’m EXTREMELY grateful for Healthy Gamer GG and the movement that you guys have created. It’s amazing. It’s beautiful.

[@coffeebeans7912]

Its amazing that this info is available for free on the internet. This really helped pull me out of a slump . Thanks

[@MRBallSlapper-gy1lr]

This is helpful. Sometimes I get scared that I am going to mess up my first job, or that no matter what I do that friends being better than me is something out of my control. To a certain extent, I can't really control the outcome of art pieces I do. It changes and fluctuates and there is a part of me that draws that I am just observing. It can be good or bad, but I don't have control over the outcomes- just whether or not I decide to pick up that pen and draw.

[@SimGunther]

By "can't fix", he means "those powerful enough to fix WON'T because they either don't feel like it or it will cost them too much to fix it because of the lack of maintenance to easily prevent this problem". Enlighten yourself with the knowledge to become the person who can fix it and someday the problem can be fixed thanks to your influence and love for yourself and others.

[@DrumWild]

Individuals cannot change institutional wrongs by themselves. Knowing how to fix it is one thing. It's another to have the power and influence to push that change into being. There is way too much profit in the current way, with Christian Republicans selling fear wholesale in order to control the small minds of their supporters.

[@MA00791]

OK, this was *awesome* !!! Thank you so much! I feel like this made something click into place..... In a weird way, this kinda gives me a lot of hope for myself and everyone around me. Gotta take some time to let all this sink in.

[@melissachinnici]

I feel this. Whenever I feel I am getting closer to being out of debt, something else comes up or a new obstacle presents itself, and so it has been the norm for years now. And hey, that's life, and I get that. Despite all the milestones, I acknowledge my quality of life can all be taken away from me at a moment's notice despite all my hard work. Everything is increasingly more expensive for lower quality. If I ever lost my job, sure I may be able to get another one, but the setback of scrambling to recover from that loss terrifies me. Most of us live in the realm of survival mode according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs when it doesn't need to be this way. The normalizing of 'grind life' is exhausing, especially here in the US, when any misfortune that happens to an individual are generally viewed as self-inducing or a result of not working hard enough.

[@inplane9970]

This exactly. The fact that a majority of people in the world correlate "Quality of Life = Self-Driven Hard-Work" really shows how struggles are diminished. Anyone who has a poor quality of life are directly blamed for their own faults, regardless of how hard they work to keep themselves above water. The absolute lack of compassion nowadays is scary.

[@mjanny6330]

@inplane not holding people accountable for their own failures isn't compassion.

[@letsreadtextbook1687]

@@mjanny6330 i don't think that was the case @inplane talked about. The thing discussed here seems to be not really about easily-avoidable failure, sometimes people are just dealt with bad hands. It's not specifically about holding accountability as well, seems like it was not about doing mistakes that harms others, it's simply not being as sucessful as others. It's not even about compassion, it's about respecting each other decently, regardless their level of hustling.

[@inplane9970]

@@mjanny6330 You do realize "failures" is a very subjective term. We all see challenges with different difficulty. E.g. I find working out everyday to be very easy because I'm self-motivated. For others, it's difficult to even sign up for a gym. I can call these people "failures" because going to the gym is super easy IMO. Just do it. However, I understand the struggles of others and just because it's easy for me doesn't mean it's easy for them. It's honestly not hard to slip into the lives of other people for just a second, and realize their struggles are different.

[@LuckyOwl360]

The biggest thing I’ve been working on to move away from despair and towards hope, is actually becoming less egocentric, which I think is essentially what this video is getting at. I am not responsible for making every aspect of my life “good”. Life doesn’t need to be perfect, I don’t need to be perfect, and I can’t fix large scale issues (political, societal, even changing another individual’s worldview) alone, nor am I responsible for doing so at all. I am trying to narrow the scope of what I need to work on (this week it’s a work project, this month I’m choosing to spend some time with family, this year I’m working on improving my emotional self awareness and reactivity to others). I will update my goals as I make progress. In a few weeks I’ll probably move my focus towards my health, for example. I can’t focus too much on EVERYTHING I want or need to be doing, because I become too overwhelmed to focus on ANYTHING. Worrying itself actually takes effort and energy from me, so I’m actively putting my focus towards specific areas and trying really hard to let go of the other things. It’ll all come together in time. What is so bizarre is this is something I think I was BETTER at several years ago, from around 19 years old until 23 or so (a few years ago). I actually believe the pandemic itself along with how that changed social media (much more hopeless/negative/combative) added too much to my mental load and caused me to lose the ability to manage all the things I used to juggle. It was like the one item too many on the pile I was carrying. Now I have to actively choose to remove things from that pile until I can bear the weight again, and pick things up as I overcome other obstacles. It’s starting to come together. Thank you for your efforts to help us all come to the conclusions we need to in order to survive, you’re saving lives ❤

[@lethinhphong]

I believe this is called "The subtle art of not giving a fuck" (a book by Mark Manson). You coincidently follow one of the most important principle the book mention: there can only be very few things we care about in this life. For this, I would say: keep doing what you're doing :). You're on the right path.

[@nicklasst]

Dr K. deserves nothing more than the best possible anything in life ever. Anytime I have been struggling in the past 2 years, his videos and advice kept me from losing control over my own thoughts, and every new video he posts is an eye-opener. Even when the topic of it doesn't really apply to my life, but I learn so much about the struggles of others. English isn't my first language, so I can't express my appreciation for him to the fullest, but I wish that the whole world could see what kind of masterwork this guy does for this community and I'm so grateful for it. Thank you Dr K. and anyone involved in building this big project of HealthyGamerGG!!

[@getreadywithmemamma6973]

Dang, just dang. I’d say that I’m sorry that you had to live through all of that and also, I’m an Asian Doctor’s kid and we should compare notes early life was rough, aside from the obvious advantages that I had…. Expectation and pressures and inability to fail are insanely hard existential things to overcome simply because of the advantages. This helped me a lot, I’m a nurse and it’s nice to hear this lesson. My husband and I work with some pretty serious cases of mental health in adolescence and this this message is good news to hear. It’s difficult news, but it is grounding. Thank you. 100 percent agree on your dating advice as well… dude I don’t know dating has worked out for me, but I’d say it’s because I was naturally more focused on not worrying about it and more stressed about how I was going slay the vocation dragon… but, guys in general just stay off the internet and like get good enough at what you’re doing and just make a life that you feel good about… the rest will come when it’s time. You don’t have ovaries that expire too haha relax… life is too short and family is wonderful…, but middle age is just like pure responsibility on crack… also, who cares if girls reject you, you don’t need every girl to like you that would be awful… like that would be Hell. Don’t make it such a big deal. Life’s too short, love the miracle that we all are, try not to fuck it up too badly and just like show up and do as little harm as you can. That’s all we need out of the tiny humans :). Just breathe. 😊and thank you for this, it was really both logical and heartfelt. I don’t even like Ivy leagues ( it’s probably important to note that I was named after my father’s medical school) and just most institutions with their weird dark histories, but hey maybe Harvard is alright if you got through it. You are cool, I look at the individuals, not the expensive wrappings. Peace out for real.

[@brettburnside1457]

Weather permitting, standing barefoot in the grass for 60 seconds is amazing! My brain relaxes immediately.

[@heroslippy6666]

I find rain to be relaxing.

[@patriciaramos6655]

Thank you so much Dr. K. You save my life every now and then. Blessings 🙏

[@Yukon1200]

What's wild is that I actually came to this realization and embodied this philosophy a little over a year ago - I wasn't aware that this was an established thought. I can say that since I embraced this way of thinking I've been able to channel all of that excess energy previously spent on grieving the world into so many productive things. I've dropped 120lbs. I was the emotional cornerstone for my father and family when my grandfather died, followed by his son, my uncle, only one month later. I've made leaps and bounds establishing my career and started a business. You can't control anything outside of yourself, which is a scary thought, but you do have 100% control over everything you do, which is powerful.

[@anty.]

My question is that if the point of taking actions is to try to make something happen, how can you act while also not expecting an outcome? When Dr. K makes these videos, he still has the intention of helping people. My best interpretation of this is that all that action can do is raise the likelihood of something happening, but this still goes against the non-correlation between actions and effects. When I write this comment, I don't specifically expect to get a response, but I'm still doing this in the first place so that I can have the hope of getting an answer.

[@christopherluke8175]

It's not a bad question at all and one that I don't have an answer for. This idea of distancing yourself from expectation feels so esoteric and impractical, because it feels like something you could pull off if you weren't already in some deficit of 'security'.

[@ChanceCardFilm]

I struggle with this as well, so let me try to answer as I work it out for myself. I think we can act toward creating a desired outcome, while at the same time acknowledging that a large part of that outcome is out of our control. It is natural for us to achieve things, and to want to achieve things, but while we do so we have to accept that our success is not guaranteed or really in our control beyond our own actions. It is therefore more effective and less stressful to focus on our own actions in a given situation more than the result. Our goals can guide our actions, we can observe and anticipate obstacles, and act on what we anticipate, but there will always be factors we can't control. This video in particular is emphasizing how little control we have over the circumstances in our lives. I think this is important to create understanding. I think it's important to know that you can do everything right and still fail, but that also doesn't mean we are totally powerless. We have our actions. A person searching for a job will find a better one faster if they send out more applications, dress as professionally as they can afford to, research the job beforehand, leave early to show up on time, etc. but even so, failure will always be possible because you cannot control the person who chooses who to give the job to. By acknowledging this reality, we can better choose our actions to be more effective by taking this into account. We also ease the burden of taking responsibility, or feeling personal failure or shame, for things we cannot control.

[@Nickulator]

@@ChanceCardFilm While everything you said is true, acknowledging it and then continue to keep failing at everything you do doesn't remove the feelings of despair and hopelessness, at least for me. Only a success story will do that, which is reliant on the outcome and not the action.

[@chrissik3102]

I think that’s probably the whole point. You can take an action, make an offer, and then maybe what you hoped will happen … or not. 🙂

[@ChanceCardFilm]

@@Nickulator I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling despair and hopelessness, friend. I know those feelings aren't easy to combat. I think a major point that Dr. K is trying to make here is that those feelings are coming from making hope contingent on getting a success story, rather than not having enough success stories. If we invest our emotions into forces that we have no control over, then we are at their mercy. By putting hope into your own actions, regardless of the outcome, then you're investing your energy into something you can control. Doing this can also lead to better outcomes because you're able to act more efficiently and with more resilience. I acknowledge that this isn't an easy instant fix. We can't snap our fingers and suddenly stop feeling hopeless. Failure sometimes has big consequences that will be painful no matter what. It doesn't stop the world from being an unfair and cruel place. If our happiness relies on that changing, we're only going to create more obstacles for ourselves. It will take work to change our outlook in this way. I don't know if this is helpful, but I hope you have support for whatever struggles you're going through.

[@williampan29]

the terrible thing about undiagnosed adhd is that even if you adapt such philosophical mindset and tried to control yourself, you might not realized you have less control than average people.

[@joelkang9550]

Really appreciate Dr. K's vulnerability and wisdom in this video. From his honesty about his past failures and the hopeful perspective of helping others, it really empowers the actions we can do without basing them on delusions and falling into despair. Thanks Dr. K!

[@beegbeeg9871]

The fact that you've reminded yourself that you can't change the mental health crisis that the world faces but what you can do is show up and provide advice is exactly why you've been a very big catalyst that helped me navigate my way across addictions. You've shared your ideas and created a community which in turn helped me get to some of the solutions that I desperately needed. Thank you Dr K and keep doing the good work.

[@yiqingtan4079]

Thank you... For voicing that we can't contol everything and that's ok. For never minimizing our struggles and experiences. For sharing with us portions of your struggles and showing us how you live in gratitude and hope despite all the setbacks. You have a way of speaking that I can deeply relate to and for some reason, I cried at the last few minutes of this video. I dont know what to say except thank you for all you do do, no matter that it's beyond your control whether it is well received or not.

[@timefortee]

If you relate so much to how he expresses himself, look into whether you're *gifted* or *ENTP* or both (as I believe him to be).

[@sleepy_jinn]

Just listening to Dr. K talk so passionately about this subject is so influential and empowering. Thank you Dr. K for trying your absolute hardest to help those who have given up.

[@denwakeman]

*Key points:* 1. Day to day with a lot more high-stimulation information, and brains were not evolved to deal with the society that we live in today. Problems were more local, not global. 2. "As a human being, you're not entitled to the fruits of your actions." The only thing you are entitled to are the *actions themselves*. Lose control over the situation. Because you can control only yourself and your actions. 3. The more we spend energy trying to control things *outside* of us, the worse things become. The more you are trying to be the best, the more you fail. Rejections fall into the same category. 4. You may not fix the situation, but you can show up and try to help. 5. Do a *tiniest* bit that you can *The only thing that is important is whether you try* *Live your day to the fullest.*

[@mango5030]

This was really helpful! I’m preparing for NEET UG entrance exam for medical college and past few days I’ve been not studying at all, and felt like i might not get into medicine at all my scores aren’t that good and what’s the point in even trying. As he said I kept dreaming about my life in top college and how amazing it would be and stopped studying. The exam is in a week. I think ill drop a year and prepare for the exam again and get into medicine hopefully. This video really helped me ❤

[@yellowyosh69]

I'm lucky enough to not face too many external challenges... but I've always really struggled with internal challenges. Dr. K, thank you for giving me the tools and insight to start reflecting on and addressing those internal struggles.

[@goldpeen2661]

Resently, I've rediscovered Stoic philosophy. It very much reaches the same overall conclusions. One way of thinking that really stuck with me is reaching the present moment through exclusion: That is to say- the past has already happened and is therefore inaccessable to me. The future is impossible to predict, therefore any prediction I made is simply my imagination. I treat thoughts about the past and future as nescessary evils. I make a plan and use my mind to make a prediction, run through it once or twice, and then accept that things might turn out completely differently. Then I discard any desire to try and predict the future further as essentially vice. The same goes for going over the past. I ask myself if there's a lesson to be learned. I go over it once or twice and then discard a desire to ruminate further. We tend to fantasise about the past and future to stimulate our minds with anxious thoughts. Its a type of vice, in my oppinion, and a bad one at that. By treating these sorts of fantasies with a healthy amount of suspicion and contempt, I've found I'm very peaceful- and very content with that feeling of tranquillity to boot. When you leave past and future to the side, you must nescessarily be present.

[@madelynmiller8867]

I love everything about this. I've been told this in many aspects of my life, especially in my teenage and young adult years. It took me a long time to fully absorb it into my sense of the world. Once I finally did, everything else really did fall into place. My confidence in myself stemmed from my locus of control, not from an outward validation that I can't control. I've become more resilient to life's very serious road bumps, and even though I still face a lot of stressful things, I generally have a positive outlook on life because I can let go of what I can't change. I'm in the process of applying to med school this cycle. I tell people that I know I'm cut out to be a doctor, and I can't control if they can see it or not, but I can control how I express myself and how much effort I put into my studies regardless of the outcome. People are usually really surprised since there's this big idea that we have to bend over backwards, hope, pray, and beg for both acceptance and the validation of that acceptance; what we've spent years doing was worth it and we're smart people. I hope coming from a place of confidence is a thing these admissions committees see as a good thing. If they don't, that's not in my control, and I'd much rather be accepted for where I am than where people expect me to be. I hope you all find that inner stability through focusing on your locus of control, too. Thanks Dr. K!

[@go_better]

I'm going to watch the video later, but omg this is so spot on. I just can't keep up anywhere, a lot of stress, and I just feel less and less control over my own time and days. I have to be everywhere, even if I just want some peace and quiet. But I have to. And thanks for one other video where Dr. K. recommended focus on only three things at once, not more.

[@UroborosB]

This is the best video I have ever watched on your channel. I would say it summarizes everything, to me this is the pillar for everything you have shared with us. I truly appreciate your work and thank you very much. You don't know how many lives you are impacting around the world. Greetings from México.

[@dashandtuch7183]

This is just the Video I needed. I literally Changed my whole life this year, pulled myself out of a years long depression, new job, new town. Still struggle so much with how people may react, how this or that will turn out. I know there is no point in overthinking everything but hearing it explained like this gives me the reinsurance I need.

[@ashtonvoss6567]

What an amazing message. Thank you Dr. K.

[@Synthiewavu]

I really needed this video. This exactly fits my current situation. I've recently broken up with someone special which affected my mental and physical health while doing poorly in college so far. I feel a lot of despair since the beginning of the year and do lack control over my relationship and studies. I need to regain that control and find my purpose. Thank you Dr. K

[@RB_Musik]

So I recently had the most perfect interview of my life. I was confident, qualified, knew the answer to every question, dressed to perfection, I didn't get the job. I've also had interviews where I looked clearly nervous and couldn't answer a couple questions and said I don't know but I'm willing to figure it out. I got those jobs... So moral of the story, perfection doesn't guarantee success so why even stress about it? just do your best.

[@colinbarnes705]

These guide videos that Dr K has been putting out lately are some of his best work yet. Really easy to understand and digest

[@nguyenngocduc1993]

So so greatful for Dr K content. Thanks for every video you put on this channel

[@FunBotan]

This is especially hard for those of us with a problem-solving mentality. The ability to solve problems is invaluable in the modern world, but treating everything as problems to be solved is the surest way to a mental disorder.

[@ZarrysLux]

to this day one of the most important lessons I've learned from watching you Dr. K is just how powerful and important AWARENESS is. Thank you

[@lavendermeadow1381]

Wow, this is incredibly helpful/insightful! Very thought-provoking.

[@sylvan4042]

Out of all your videos I've watched none has hit harder than this. I recently has a breakup after 4 years together and later found out they had been cheating on me but despite all that I still tried to be friends. They decided to give up on trying to be friends as well and the whole ordeal was devastating. Learning it's all out of my control is difficult and I've been starting to focus on what I can do and push away all the bad thoughts holding me down. Videos like this one help me to keep pushing forward.

[@frishter]

I think it's a great message to to focus more on what we can control since we can always make improvements to ourselves that are more likely to have favourable results whereas focusing on the world is like to lead to disappointment because we're only one person taking on the worlds burdens. Personally I think I've already long given, I don't think even a better version of myself is good enough and I don't want to live in a world that is becoming more resentful towards each other. Hopefully other people will take note. They don't need to be the perfect versions of themselves instantly, just making any step towards improvement is going to put them on a better path than just giving up because nothing will be good enough.

[@12463trf]

I came to a similar philosophy about my 20y of trying to get a date and failing 100%, how i can only control what i do, but arrived at a different conclusion. That wasting my energy on it was not effective, and decided to apply that effort onto my art. While this did bring me some comfort, my desire to have a relationship continues to gnaw away at my soul. Ill give your conclusion a try, and not give up, instead of giving in. Love the videos, hope i can climb out of this hole iv found myself in eith their help.

[@bethann8891]

I needed this!! Thank you Dr. K!

[@emmanuelcoronado8567]

Powerful message thank you, Dr. K!

[@5uperM]

Thanks Dr K. I really like your videos. I got a similiar tips from my therapist. It really helps me feel that I'm not responsiable for eveything and some things I can't change. It's really helpful.

[@miguelwinkel1910]

I have to say this video really helped me in my current situation, as someone thats constantly stuck in his head and has a hard time to get rid of negativ thought conclusions. Starting to change my mindset to that seems to be the solution/ wake up call i needed. Thank you very much HealthyGamer

[@CoffeeConsumerZoomer]

I needed this so bad. God bless you. I've been feeling so angry and helpless, to see the world I grew up in slowly fall apart before my eyes while having absolutely no way to stop it. Bless you, and thank you for your videos 😔🙏

[@bonko2933]

What an impactful video! You can really see that this topic is very important to you. Thank you very much for sharing this with us!

[@kawaiifortheculture]

Amazing! This does indeed work. Thanks for posting this today 😊

[@toml.9937]

I had to figure out and rationalize all of this out on my own throughout my life. What a great resource this is and how lucky people are to have actual help. Not saying that I know everything, but I hear some of these sessions and I think, "man, I had to hardmode my way through something like that."

[@littlemisseevee2309]

that’s honestly why I just tuned out for the most part and only occasionally tune in, I try to go for a more low stimulation life because I think I actually knew a lot of this before, just a matter of taking the opportunity to change myself in ways I wanna change, its sad what is happening but nothing that is happening can be changed by one person alone, and some things just cant be helped at all, life has currently gone out of control and all we can truly do is wait and watch, hope things get better

[@kFY514]

11:25 "What can you actually control?" (KZbin commercial plays) That's telling.

[@hellbreakfast1590]

These videos always seem to find me at the exact moment I need them. Weird. You do good work, doc.

[@baileyjackson2780]

Something I think about when I feel hopeless, or lost, or angry at the world is this: "You don't get to choose what you deserve, you only get to prove it" I don't know if that might help anyone, but it helps me :)

[@greywolf8320]

God I love this channel so much. Thank you Alok, it makes me happy to see people like you, acknowledging the issues that plague us and showing us that it's okay. That at the end of the day there's only so much we can do. And that's fine. Much love man.

[@aster_11]

I really really needed this video rn bc I've been speaking about this feeling to my therapust and mother and it's just been destroying me. Dr K you have truly helped me so much, I appreciate everything thank you

[@coreykrochmal3465]

This video not only taught me a whole lot, but gave me a simple way to remind me of the importance and control of self. I'm going to try to also teach this to my students who are struggling, although they may have a hard time to separate the self from the mind, hopefully they will find this as a way to re-center and break through frustration.

[@surabhisanghai9217]

Dr. K is god sent. Grateful to have across your channel.

[@jonesaffrou6014]

great video reminding of one of the main principles ya'll teach and one of the most important and fundamental ones. I picked this up in previous videos and successfully forgot it

[@griponreality254]

Thank you for this. Valuable just validating the experience of seeing global and important issues where they feel like a paradox of being paid attention and ignored.

[@shaxpx]

I'm in awe of Dr K and his clarity and care ❤

[@jamjambabakush7359]

Wow, I have watched lots of video of Dr. K, but this one is gold. Thank you !

[@user-tl9bn4bf4u]

Thank you so very much for what you do to help us! Such a help!!!

[@CrazyCircles1]

Awesome, a new method. For several years, I incorporated the "It is what it is." mentality into my life. And I have been happier since. And more efficient with actual problems, too. Because it made me focus on the problem itself and think what I can control and how I can get out of it. And parts of the solution that I cannot control, it's a no-brainer for me to think about alternatives if option A becomes obsolete.

[@Bibi_editor]

That's Doc K, your videos have been helping me alot recently. Hope your well aswell.

[@ivanmamodaly2089]

This is probably one of the best video you made. And you made it at the best time. You're the best.

[@fantiu1]

I don't know when you started having certain points and phrases pop up during the video, I just want to say I appreciate it being done as it helped to further catch my attention in terms of sight, and seeing the texts distinctively and hearing it altogether helped with focusing more

[@anjkockonda6885]

needed this today! thanks dr. k!

[@ClearBlueSky1]

I really really Really needed to hear thsi right now DrK. Thank you from the bottom of my heart !!

[@michaellevesque1356]

this might not get noticed, but i just wanted to thank you for this video. I felt under the weather and overwhelmed and this was what i needed. Thanks a lot!

[@OnlyinLA]

Thank you Dr. K!! I’m so grateful for your videos 😀

[@staudingerk]

Thank you. Just needed this.

[@marioaffenzeller4176]

That was Beautiful. This "Hey Buddy" shook me up. and i have herad this many years ago. But Today i think i got it in my head! Thankyou.

[@rosiegomez9489]

This video was very moving and valuable thank you Dr. K and team ! 👏

[@violettracey]

Thank you so much for this! Your videos have made a huge impact on my life.

[@reneeberthedrapeau5791]

Thank you for this video, I needed this piece of wisdom.

[@micahstewart6251]

I needed this today. Thank you.

[@CoreofShane]

Your most important video Dr.K This is the foundation of all the other work you do. Thanks for reminding us of this.

[@trcherrera]

I need this right now. Thank you Dr.

[@marina5023]

I needed this. Lately, I've been very anxious about my life situation and whether I get into the Uni that I want. Today I learned that I can prepare really well for this Uni application and I don't have to be anxious about it because I can't control whether I get in or not. I can be the best but I don't make a decision.

[@clgst14]

I tell myself all the time I can’t control other people’s actions towards me, but then I start to feel at risk of getting hurt from those people’s actions without having a way to protect myself. It feels like a difficult balancing act

[@amogusruinedmylife7389]

I needed this. Thank you.

[@oojie723]

I really think prioritizing the education and mental health of society will have a butterfly effect on future generations. Healthy and educated individuals will be able to create the change we want to see in the world. Think about it, healthy people will create healthy children and educated people will be able to work together to solve the root problems in our world.

[@sibyloftexas]

Seems like that's exactly what authoritarians don't want.

[@DrumWild]

The problem is that a mentally and emotionally healthy population that is properly educated cannot be adequately controlled via the wholesale of fear. Christian Republicans have fought hard to get things where they are now, for at least the past 50 years. I'm 58 and have seen it all in action. All of these problems we have now will get better once Christian Republicans are removed from power and not allowed to drive the things that are of great concern in this video.

[@alexandermacneil4430]

People need to be educated on media literacy. Being able to think critically about news and media you are consuming goes a long way to combating propaganda aka influential rhetoric. It would also benefit the population if more people were able to understand and identify logical fallacies propagandists use in their flimsy illogically consistent arguments. If you are able to identify how and when people are manipulating language, controlling the narrative, how they use fear-mongering and outrage baiting to influence perceptions, attitudes, and ultimately behavior it would go a long way to people being less vulnerable to state and corporate propaganda.

[@sibyloftexas]

@@DrumWild they'll die out before then at the rate the pews are being emptied by the young

[@-lord1754]

@@DrumWild r/atheist

[@sofiavallejo1358]

this is by far my most favorite video by you!!!

[@roxanneconner7185]

Thank you for this, I really needed it today.