How to Get Real Friends

How many real friends do you have? Honestly, many people we call friends would probably better qualify as pals or buddies. The first step to getting real friends is to recognize how we are all made to be gifts of love. God is love and we were made in his image. We were also made for community, because God is a community of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Living out this love and community as God does requires availability and vulnerability.
By availability we mean “care-free timelessness”, as Catholic evangelist Matthew Kelly calls it.
By vulnerability we mean taking off the mask. This is the really hard part. As a missionary Fr. Mike knows once said, vulnerability is not just transparency. Transparency is letting someone look into the fish bowl. Vulnerability is inviting them into the fishbowl and letting them move things around.
How can we all learn to grow in love, community, availability, and vulnerability so we can become real friends to others and live as the image of God in the world?
Want more solid Catholic advice from Fr. Mike? He co-wrote a book on discernment with Jackie and Bobby Angel! Check it out here: tinyurl.com/y2hdz5fa
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[@robertdaoustdaoust2150]

Father, could you pray for me if you have time. I am very lonely, and I have no friends or family. I just want a few Christian friends. Thank you.

[@SantiagoGarcia-xu4dj]

I'll be praying for you too!

[@katherinegulde1945]

I will pray for you!

[@wms72]

The Byzantine Catholic Church is open. You may find some friends there.

[@robertdaoustdaoust2150]

@@wms72 I live in Gatineau QC Canada

[@alldoneup]

@lonestarr that was a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing. Praying for blessings for you and everyone here!

[@jennt.6591]

I started losing friends when I started becoming closer to God, I guess that was a sign from God Himself that they were not real friends. But I have the best friends one could ever ask for - Jesus, Mary and the Saints. 💕

[@Nitrochic73]

Same thing is happening to me right now.

[@earthmom106]

Our daughter is desperate for friends. She is a wonderful, sweet 17 year old and it is so difficult for her to find good girls who aren’t all about partying and social media scores. Please pray that K will find 1-2 great friends. Thank you 💕

[@christine4613]

I’m 15 right now and I’ve always just wanted to find a friend that’s not obsessed to social media, kind and isn’t always going out just a good friend. Hopefully some day I’ll find it. I hope your daughter does too! :)

[@mysticalrose8853]

Pray for me father to get caring friends

[@shionafernandes4343]

I'm 17. I'm not obsessed with any of these things and so it's hard for me too. Hope she finds one good friend

[@phoebeg.7854]

Will be praying! We have all been there :)

[@user-nr7wh2wl7g]

Praying for her 🙏💜

[@GinnyandEric]

Availability and vulnerability. Oof. Needed this reminder.

[@Marontyne]

This is how to BE a real friend, not how to GET them. I can tell you that I've created many one-sided relationships that way.

[@RiqueUliven]

True, bro. This kind of relationship is so sad. We can say: "I don't care, I'll just love and not think about it". But sometimes we just need a small piece of love for ourselves... And when it happens the "I don't care" are just empty words. Is it selfishness or just a human reaction?

[@pcfllms]

João Henrique - yes! This is how I developed this weird feeling like I’m always a bother cause in my eyes I seem annoying trying to talk to people, even if they want to hang out with me (I’m homeschooled now so it’s even worse trying to make friends. I have non near me).

[@juliatoute4489]

I think that if you and the other person are equally opening up more and being more vulnerable, friendship happens. But when I sense the other person doesn't want to know me, I just don't open up as much and keep them as a colleague. This has saved me from these one sided relationships you mentioned.

[@lalaithan]

If you act like a good friend, more people will be attracted to you (in this context, not sexually) and you will end up with more friends. You also are in control of how close of a friend a person is. I mean, they could just be better as "someone you know that is nice but never talk to".

[@Marontyne]

@@lalaithan I don't know. Logically, that makes sense, but that's not been my experience. They either take advantage of my kindness and/or feel too guilty to say, "I don't want to be your friend," so they are nice to my face and pretend. Too many people prefer that superficial space. Meanwhile, I think I have a friend that I don't really have because the lack of reciprocation has caused an inequality in the relationship. And "vulnerability" as the priest described it isn't generally attractive, particularly with other guys. Wouldn't you agree?

[@cat.nova74]

I'm introvert and don't like being around most people but would love at least one close friend that I can rely on

[@elora6516]

Me toooo I want a or two or maybe three close friends that I can rely on

[@LoveeveryoneRomans]

The Lord Jesus is my best friend Alleilua

[@christine4613]

Please pray that someday I will be surrounded by people that understand me and accept me for who I am. Just one friend not loads just one true friend :)

[@gabrielalopez4606]

I'm so grateful God gave me friends that strive to be holy🙏🏼 They each have virtues I wish to obtain some day and they only encourage me to get closer to God.

[@crystalmorgan9118]

Treasure it

[@carlospacheco7361]

Don't worry is just a matter of time and they will let you down, you will be lucky if they don't betray you.

[@GoJologs]

Nice. 🙏

[@gabrielalopez4606]

@@carlospacheco7361 I've seen their weak side too. They're not perfect lol the important thing is to get up and keep going forward

[@blukatzen]

I have, within this past year, become a widow. I have found out that most folks don't want to keep up with you after the funeral or right after the hospitalizartion, having visited the dying person. I have been left alone. My late husband and I had a circle of friends, and they had slowly passed on in the last 10 years or so, and their spouses, had relocated to different states, where he had kept up on Facebook. (I did not care to join FB.) They had gotten on with their lives. I called them up, and they all told me to get involved with grief support group. I did for a bit, having gotten recommendations from the hospice services. I did go, but Covid cut that experience short ( group meetings were dissolved.) Everything was closed for awhile, just reopening up not too long ago, for instance, Senior services in our community. But in my business, of which I am the manager, I had a close knit group of friends of various ages, we all worked together. Only one talks to me, and even that is very sporadic. I text them, but many times they do not text me back. I just give up. I wonder why people are so scared of talking to widows and widowers? It's like WE were the ones who died. It's extremely hurtful, especially since one might have been sought out and needed. Now, you only hear the crickets chirp. We had no children/grandchildren, all of our elders are gone for years, so I am very much alone. I had, 2 weeks after my husband died (right before Christmas) a mini stroke, which felled my going out, as I was wobbly and unsteady walking. I just stayed put. I was able to go out by February, and went to 2 meetings. It was nice to be around folks but they were all strangers. In March, I got Covid and was sick for a month. I did not need to be in a hospital, but it was no cakewalk, that is for sure. When it was time for work this past May, I found out my boss did not want me back since I had the Covid, was healed, but we did not know if I could infect anyone..like everyone else that had Covid and recovered. But he drank "the Koolaid" and asked me not to return. Just one day's notice. I worked so hard to recover, so I could work. Right now, I am cleaning out my home so I can sell it. I am doing this by myself, as there is no one to help. I should be done in about 2 or 3 months. I am moving to another part of the Country, and hope to find a new set of friends. I just wanted to relate my story and hope that if there is a Senior in your life, that we need friends too. We need to rely on those who are still here, and we have not passed on alongside our spouses. We are getting up to rebuild our lives. What is left to us, we wish to live in the Graces of God and His Mother. Prayer is welcomed as I talk with God, Jesus, Our Lady all the time. They should be anyone's "best friends". But we, as Father has said above, were not created to be alone.

[@ginamckenna3893]

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I'd be happy to help... you don't happen to live in Southern California do you? I'll be praying for you and I am sorry for your loss. May God bless you and make His face shine upon you :)

[@rincystanley7708]

I'm sorry that things have turned out this way for you. One lesson I've learnt is that ONLY God can lift you up, so please don't loose hope ,you're not alone because Jesus lives in you. Trust God and I can assure you things will get better. Please don't give in to negative thoughts. God bless!

[@flobrighton1161]

I was really bummed this morning because I don’t have any real friends and then this came up in my feed. God has a great sense of humor 😂🤣😂

[@j04514]

I’m praying for true friends for me and my husband 🙏🏻

[@user-en1mj8uc5f]

Why look the other way when you guys have each other? :)

[@Juttargoe]

Prayers for you and your husband. 🙏🏻❤

[@CatholicWhisper]

Good friends are hard to come by. The Imitation of Christ Book leads me to believe we shouldn’t desire too many anyway. I have a few good friends but I’ve learned to be friends with myself...

[@paopaomae]

Please pray for me as I begin my first year of college. I’ll be attending a large Christian university, and as a Catholic I pray to find a strong community of other Catholics that will guide me throughout my first year. I really hope to make new and genuine friend that will allow me to be my best self!

[@carlospacheco7361]

52 years old here, have had a lot of disappointments through life with friends, I finally gave up and realize that true (human) friends do not exist, I do have three friends that would give their lives for me, I did not find them at a bar or at church, I found them at the shelter. "The more I know people, the more I love my dog -Diogenes-".

[@annagabrielah]

This is the second time in a row you cover the issue exactly when it starts to bother me! God's timing is great

[@teresaelghali991]

I have a friend in Jesus! He is like no other!

[@oh4daluv]

Why is it hard for some of the nicest normal and genuine people to make friends?

[@laurakmetko5400]

I think it scares off a lot of folks who want to feel ‘normal’..ie. Giving into the usual vices of humanity...and also, niceness can come off as an invitation to be used and wel...they can count on niceness..so there’s no risk of losing out on their part. BUT the longer u live u realise it won’t work for u that way....

[@Jess1234]

Good people attract narcissistic narcissists bad people we are a light to their darkness

[@raquelgarcia5944]

I think another important thing about friendship and community, is having common interests and values. You can be the nicest and kind hearted person to anyone you meet, but I think true authentic friendship is going to stem from enjoying similar interests and activities- likes what you like. It’s sometimes hard to continue through conversation when ultimately you don’t enjoy similar things or your personalities just don’t click.

[@Belief_Before_Glory]

That's a good point Raquel

[@renee187]

That’s exactly why I need catholic, like minded friends

[@conorspyridon7008]

Social media is toxic to find friends . True friends will be the ones who hold god closest to them 😇 those who pray and here his word ... The few little flock .

[@nariko47]

Amen to that!

[@catsaberhagen5266]

So true!

[@Nsiiti]

Being lonely is so paining. How I wish everyone has a gold heart ❤️. But what happened to humans for real. I can't stop shading tears 😢😢😢

[@samuelilko8501]

I offer you Jesus my hurts of unresponsive friends, rejection in love, and my loneliness. God bless all the girls who rejected me and friends who don't love me back. 🙏

[@Thegreatestholynameofjesus]

Praying for rosary for you Mary so powerful overcome social anxiety disorder god is good read John 8:36 repeat after me I’m free from social anxiety disorder in Jesus name amen take holy communion Sunday masses you’ll see god moving your life ❤❤❤trust on me I’ve been their power prayers are casting demons out ‘read the word of god everyday I high recommend hold mother Mary hand hold rosary you feel supernatural peace in your mind body soul I love mama Mary so much Jesus as well follow people like religious hippie she dear social anxiety disorder group of setting fear of rejection

[@Thegreatestholynameofjesus]

Good Saint Dymphna, great wonder-worker in every affliction of mind and body, I humbly implore your powerful intercession with Jesus through Mary, the Health of the Sick, in my present need. (Mention it.) Saint Dymphna, martyr of purity, patroness of those who suffer with nervous and mental afflictions, beloved child of Jesus and Mary, pray to Them for me and obtain my request. (Pray one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be.) Saint Dymphna, Virgin and Martyr, pray for us.

[@samuelilko8501]

@@Thegreatestholynameofjesus thank you very much for your encouragement. I don't really think it's social anxiety, I am just hurt by friends who don't love me back, the unresponsive friends.

[@nariko47]

**virtual high five** Fr. Mike 🙏🏼

[@laurajane1759]

I met one of my closest friends last year at uni. I prayed that I would have nice flat mates....and so did she! I do believe God introduced us :) As Christians we are more open to accepting our faults, admitting our mistakes and trying not to repeat them, at the same time we try to be more forgiving and loving because this is what we're taught. And because of this I think it could be easier to better maintain friendships with other Christians....

[@ED-jn4fg]

I don’t have any friends (unless you count family members as “friends”). I don’t mind friendships but I desperately don’t long for it neither. I honestly don’t mind being friendless most of the time, and I don’t like how society make it seem like there is something “wrong with you” because you have no friends. Some of us love solitude and peaceful living, and people or “friends” often time bring nothing but anxiety and stress on our lives.

[@robrick9361]

Those people are just drug-addicts. They're addicted to the dopamine hit their brain gives them from socializing. And by socializing I mean talking about random shallow nonsense; chit-chatting. If someone wants to have a real conversation, then I'm all in. But very few people like having deep conversations cause they're dangerous, as they make you question your own beliefs. Plus we live in the information age with amazon and kindle at our fingertips. Where am I more likely to find interesting people to talk/listen to? The internet with the sum total of human knowledge including every author, writer, philosopher, theologian to ever live. Or my immediate vicinity?

[@SinainKorea]

I’m the same way.

[@someoneonline5192]

@rob rick Just keep in mind that sometimes small talk is necessary to “break the ice”, you wouldn’t walk up to someone on the street and say like “hey you wanna talk about the universe/religion” cause that’d involve a lot of personal information that they probably wouldn’t be willing to give. But if you start small, you slowly gain their trust, and then you can both move onto bigger topics that you might both find much more interesting. I mean, I reallyyyyy don’t like small talk, but I usually try to have it in a way where I can actually learn about the other person and they can learn about me. (There’s way too many ppl who just like to talk about stupid stuff or speak poorly about others, and those are the ppl that I later try to avoid. But hey, at least I gave it a shot.) Btw, I’m extremely introverted, to the point where I can talk to someone for like 10 mins and the instant I walk away suddenly my energy levels doubles or something.

[@robrick9361]

@@someoneonline5192 Only thing worse than small talk is small talk on the street while you're in the middle of going somewhere. Also don't you think that complaint is a little ridiculous. Obviously I don't just jump into deep conversations. The problem is that once I get past pleasantries most people don't want to go deeper.

[@benita8768]

Same

[@pcfllms]

I’m in need of caring friends. My social anxiety prevents me from meeting new people and I always feel like a bother whenever I talk to someone like I’m wasting their precious time. Something in my head there is wrong. Anyways it’d be nice to not have a one sided relationship where I’m the one always keeping a conversation going and not always being the one to talk first. I feel like I’m not cared for. Please lord I would absolutely love some good and caring friends.

[@shnaaa5487]

I thought I've felt the worst, there's really someone or other people who feel much more worse. I'm not happy for it tho. God's got you (us). Godbless 💕

[@pcfllms]

shnaaa shi - thanks :,) God bless you too!

[@carlospacheco7361]

Well, in more than 50 years in this world I have only had disappointments with friends, some times you are just better off on your own, my best friends now walk on four and sniff their butts, but they would give their lives for me, now those are true friends. And believe me I have my mental issues too (v.g. OCD), my problem I expect the same I give, it never happens.

[@pcfllms]

Carlos Pacheco - Aw I’m sorry. Yeah, pets are a wonderful gift from God!

[@Divine_Mercy_Media]

I understand. I’m here if you want to talk :)

[@jennylamatsch6000]

Kitchen conversations are the best.

[@den.utarbaev]

Thank you, Father Mike, God bless. I was always able to be vulnerable, but lately I tried to be stronger in my relationships. Especially in church. Maybe it's because i met a lot of younger people also of an opposite sex. Trying to keep it strong, but, you know, it makes me tired. And it doesn't lead me any closer to these people.

[@josephjackson1956]

I find that a lot of introverts never were close with their parents. Like they couldn’t talk with them about anything and everything, that sort of thing.

[@Dj_Gj]

It’s honestly kind of true for me. The only person in my family I’m close with is my older sister.

[@MotherNature101]

That is very true for me I was only close to my younger sibling and not really close with my older sibling along with our parents.

[@nanabarker8140]

Absolutely yes,I was only close to my grandfather. He died on 03.

[@MotherNature101]

@@nanabarker8140 I was close to both my grandparents too. I lost my grandfather in 2013 due to Alzheimer's. Very few people in my family I was ever close to.

[@nanabarker8140]

@@MotherNature101 Sorry to hear that,all of mine are gone now. My closest bonds are with my animals,it is safe & pure with them.😇Bless you.😇😇😇😇

[@annabagley4500]

if anyone could pray for me that would mean a lot to me. my best friends completely dumped me and turned a bunch of people against me. school just restarted and i don’t really have anyone to be good friends with

[@katyarn85]

I will pray for you. There’s always someone in school who feels left out. I bet you could find others who also need friends. Maybe look around during lunchtime and see if anyone else is lonely. I’ve had friends dump me and then say all sorts of horrible things about me. It’s super hurtful and super trying but it’s also an opportunity to show God how much you love him by enduring. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there.

[@harmonygordon6901]

Anna, I am praying for you. I've been in that boat where someone turns on you. Its SO weird & sometimes one can't figure out why they did it. It HURTS. What I know now is that I often had friends who LOVED THE WORLD and who didn't really love God. Seek out other believes. True believers. People you can pray with and pray for. You will make friends. Ask God to direct your friendships and He will. Ask God for someone who can grow in the Christian walk alongside you Have courage. Jesus is the best friend any of us can have, and you already have Him. Stay close to Him & He will guide your life.

[@nofear5056]

Just pray 🙏 😇 put God 🙏 First 🙏 Help others 🙏 Get involved in a charity.Amen

[@thestrugglingperfectionist]

This happened to me years ago in high school. Wanna know what the answer is? Pray! Pray for yourself and read the Bible. That’s what I did (had one of those mini Bibles and I started to read through it) and The Good Lord noticed and soon things turned around. Over 20 years later one of my very best friends is one that had tried to ignore/de-friend me. God works is mysterious ways! I wish the best for you!

[@coolbeans7763]

i lost every one of my friends, yet i forgive them even though they don’t know they’ve hurt me, please pray i find more friends, i’m literally so alone and lonely :(

[@katieandrade18]

Trust in the Lord, He is THE greatest friend!! Will be praying for u 🙏

[@elora6516]

ME TOOO. Cant stand it

[@guardianangel1860]

A friend will be there for you in times of struggle, even if it means being silently present while you cry for losing your dad to death. And then you are there for them in struggle as well. Having one or two good friendships is a sign of maturity. Having none at all, or too many friends mean something is not right, an inner hurt needs healing from Our Lord Jesus. Some people don't have friends because their life at that time is not enabling for solid friendships such as in a nursing home, or all the people around you are godless people. Holy saints of the past had very few people who really were their friend, only faith filled friendships thrived. We are living in a digital age where everyone is a friend, yet we are all friendless. Something is wrong with this picture!

[@lonelywolf7706]

That's through real friends helps you in good times & bad times. In bad times you know who your friends are

[@kjosemaria9373]

Availability and vulnerability. [Transparency vs Vulnerability] ... We are not meant to be available and vulnerable to everyone. - Fr Mike Schmitz Let's pray for the right pray for the right people to be available and vulnerable to. May the Lord heal our woundedness to be able to discern and act upon this healthy nugget of wisdom. Thank you as always, Fr. Mike Schmitz!

[@cuauhtemocmorisco3493]

Its funny because sometimes animals become our greatest friends. I don't have many friends but i have a lot of cats and 2 dogs and a turtle. Its a blessing to have them in my life.

[@MotherNature101]

I have many pets four cats, two dogs, six budgies, a cockatiel and a fish. They are such a joy to have and they are God's little creatures. I love them so much.

[@agnusbabu9149]

I 've been developing a deep sense of understanding to certain aspects in life ever since I started listening to Fr.Mike. Every tiny thing being presented beautifully, I'm forever grateful to him and to this channel.May the Lord God bless you more abundantly.💜💒

[@user-km1re3um7c]

My friends in the past were let downs. I stopped trying! My fiance is my best friend and that's all I need.

[@oambitiousone7100]

In this time of combustive politics, revealing oneself to others is risky.

[@jimallen985]

That’s ultra vulnerability

[@bettyford9336]

I have found that the Left in Politics are very mean and violent if you dont agree with them. You also have to watch your car. Its so sad what's going on in the world today! I no longer associate with my left friends.

[@andreavilchez5060]

Thank you, Father, for always giving me perspective during these hard times! Not only with the lockdown but also the fact that one year ago I became an exiled. No family or friends. Starting from zero, I've struggled so much with loneliness and anxiety, and I'm desperate to find a place at Church where I can serve others and feel at home again. Please pray for me and all the exiles!

[@Belief_Before_Glory]

"... May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope, in the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

[@Belief_Before_Glory]

Praying for you too

[@Richie016]

excellent teaching on making friends, Thanks a lot Fr. Mike.

[@magorzatasikora8330]

I found out slower speed 0.75 very helpful to understand Father. He speaks very fast but too briliant to give up. Thank You for every word, Father.

[@connieholthaus957]

After the death of my best friend and husband, it seems I have no one. People Who I thought were friends of my husband and me have just moved on and it's apparent they don't want anything to do with me....I thought I was a good person but apparently not good enough for them....I am a cantor at church and an artist, but what I'm hearing from people is that they are intimidated....I'll keep trying to make friends but sure am getting tired of being alone...

[@julieelizabeth4856]

I doubt the issue is that you aren't good enough for them. They probably just feel awkward now. Maybe try other ministries at your church, a support group for widows, and maybe there is an artists' group/co-op in your area. Volunteering at a museum or a gallery may provide opportunities to find like-minded people. Covid-19 made this difficult but things are starting to open up. Wishing you all the best.

[@Malnourishedmosquito]

This is sad to hear, I feel like I am in a similar situation, although not the same as yours. I've never had a lot of friends because as a kid I was bullied and as I grew up it affected the way I interacted with others. My whole family is full of extroverts and I'm the only introvert. I had 2 friends but only 1 friend that I consider my best friend. Since I came back to my faith I have found that our conversations are less vibrant because my priorities have changed. I go to a catholic high school but I have not found any one who shares my faith the way I do. I have been asking God for a friend who will share my faith but so far nothing. It helps knowing that God never leaves us, he goes before us and he knows the beginning and the end. Who knows maybe next year will be a better year for both us. Keep strong on your faith and we will meet again in heaven. 😊

[@Lucia-do9jy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine it is about you "not being good enough". I think It's hard to know how to comfort a friend who has lost a husband and a best friend. I think maybe when people lose someone we don't know how to help them and it makes us feel bad.... so without consciously actually thinking it to ourselves we just sort of create distance so we dont have to feel bad anymore. Of course that isn't good, but all the same I do believe it may be a reason this happens (though I obviously can't know for sure). People just have a tendency to drift away from things that create bad feeling. I couldn't possibly understand what your going through but I can tell you my first thought was that maybe you could try just telling them how they can help you. Directness can be very helpful in these situations. Just be honest. Tell them what you need. Tell them you need support. Especially if it's just little things like dropping by for a coffee they might feel silly doing small things to help in the face of a loss that is so huge. If you tell them how helpful the little things actually are and that you would appreciate their presence and support, who knows, they might start to feel like they CAN help. And then that gets the ball rolling. Besides, God hears you in your troubles. If it's his will, when the time is right, you will find (or regain) true friends . It's the waiting for God's will that can be really difficult when we are asking for actions, am I right. I'll pray for you Connie, God bless you.

[@dailybread300]

Jesus is Lord That is very kind for your support to another. I hope everyone on here looks for different friends than perhaps they’d choose, such as an elderly neighbor. People of all ages are children of the Lord. The elderly especially, oftentimes don’t have knowledge of technology even.

[@gabrielalopez4606]

Christ was pretty alone during his passion so that you didn't have to be alone. He's with you right now helping you carry this cross. Not only that, God will send some good friends soon :)

[@lindagal4595]

The devil has sent me a lot of “friends” but they’re disguised as good ppl. I wish he would send normal good ppl that love God. What he sends is usually not from the Lord. It’s sad. No one wants to be lonely, sometimes the devil wants you lonely so that u can feel unwanted and sad.

[@bearberry2867]

I learnt during these years about making friends is choosing my friends wisely with good discernment from the Lord. True friendship is mutual and good that keeps me on the right path.

[@JustinGBergado]

Somewhat unrelated, but I love how Fr. Mike's clap at the beginning of the video syncs perfectly with the intro haha

[@zdenkogolubic8578]

Beautiful talk again. But there was too many availability and vulnerability in my life, so i focus my friendship to Lord primarly, and then thru Him on people. And i see one thing: closer i am to Him, more people going away from my life. That's why i don't have "chit chat friends" anymore, but sisters and brothers in Christ. 🙏✝️😊

[@evanelias9937]

Thank you father

[@torikern6290]

I'm a hairstylist. Believe me, I'd give almost anything to have real friends - the "friends" I have now just want to use me for free haircuts, and then not talk to me for six months. But I don't trust anybody to be real anymore, and if people are just going to use me for free labor in the name of "friendship," then I'm not interested. On a related side note - no, fellas, me giving you a free haircut is NOT a "cute first date idea".

[@eyoung8215]

Thats awful people treat you like that! So cheap...

[@phoebea]

I like your fire! My sister is also a hairstylist, and your direct, no-nonsense attitude reminds me of her. I hope you find friends who won't use you for free hair cuts. It's heartbreaking when people use you like that.

[@sandman9357]

This was needed, thank you father 😃

[@joyyoung3319]

Thank You Father Mike. God Bless You!

[@bielsabas4407]

Thank you so much Fr. Mike.

[@shawnbra9095]

I had tons of "friends " back before I became religious I have zero now I'm okay with that just like I'm okay with being single don't really want neither in fact less responsibility and drama is the best

[@heteroclinictangle]

Ditto - its very hard to be friends with people if you don't believe the same things. I could not remain friends with people who constantly attack the Catholic Church / Atheists / Global Warming Zealots etc. !

[@MotherNature101]

@@heteroclinictangle That is something I cannot stand when those kind of people attack the church. It's been happening in my family. My mom has been falling for so-called false prophets and thinks the church is evil. My older sister is into eastern mysticism and then into something with rocks having healing powers. They were both raised Catholic but they left it because of those things they fell into. They even try to get my niece who is also my older sister's daughter to not go to church saying things like you don't need it. Whenever I am around they don't even try to get her to leave the church or whatever else. But since then they haven't been happy at all they claim to be but really not. They look so miserable. My younger sister who is married knows what has been happening that she likes to invite my niece and I to her house to get away from things. I never did like the drama and how they like to attack me but also my mom attacks my dad too because we are both still Catholic and don't plan on leaving it ever. I would say it the same way the disciples said it to our Lord when he asked them if they were going to leave him too.

[@hksuperstar]

words of wisdom. Thanks Fr. Mike!

[@chasewright3019]

I wish more priests had your energy and excitement. I’ve been an atheist most of my life but am trying to not only fully believe but grow a relationship with Christ and it’s hard when the people that are teaching me and showing me how to be a better Christian don’t have that spirit if that makes sense. Like I wanna believe that you believe with all your heart and Fr. Mike just has so much soul and energy and it helps me understand. I hope that makes sense!

[@Nsiiti]

God, thanks for always being with me even when the day turns into black. 🙏🙏🙏

[@marymccannfrancis9855]

Lovely father Mark so true god bless you

[@eddiejuarez2427]

Does anyone else use their social awkwardness as an excuse for not having alot of friends 😂😂

[@scriner11]

Eddie everyone in the world has an akwardness, thats what makes each one of us unique, and special!! This is not a flaw it's part of you, you will make true and real friends!!! Many blessings!!!

[@carlospacheco7361]

Don't believe everything people tell you, true and real friends do not exist, sooner or later they will let you down, learn to be on your own and count with yourself only, want a true friend? go to the shelter.

[@eddiejuarez2427]

@@carlospacheco7361 idk what you've been through but... real friends do exist, I dont have much but I have few and although they do let me down sometimes i forgive them because they are only human, like me. However I do have a best friend who never let's me down and he is loyal, he loves me but too much to leave me how I am, and he will always be there for me... and for you too, his name is Jesus I wish the best :) God bless you

[@carlospacheco7361]

@@eddiejuarez2427 I'll be here when they betray you...

[@enaikelendiomu7874]

My excuse is that I am a shy person, and I do not do groups well. It’s amazing how God directs you. I have heard/read, about connection over the last few weeks. A reminder that relationships are indeed important.

[@zrobert66]

Thank you Fr.Mike Blessings

[@karlarodriguez3449]

Too true Fr. Mike, thank you! God bless you!

[@MariaPullatt]

THE TIMING! GOD, ARE YOU STALKING MEEE???

[@Malnourishedmosquito]

Please do not use the name of the Lord in vain.

[@Lala-ih1vr]

@@Malnourishedmosquito I don't think they meant to, dear.

[@rodelsaguian3500]

Availability and vulnerability. Agree Fr. Mike.

[@luisanaacevedo2003]

Thank you, Father Mike! This one is super important! :) 🙏💜

[@mazikode]

I love that fishbowl analogy and thank as always for the life teachings you give

[@GabrielRodrigz]

The timing of this video was perfect for me!!!!! THANKSSS

[@Morgan-pf8nu]

You are such a blessing Fr Mike.

[@tacymarsh5163]

In my experience one of the best gifts we can give each other is quiet listening. Some of the most profound things I have received from the Lord have come through quietness while sitting with another. When that person trusts the Savior for my needs and listens to the Holy Spirit on when to speak and when to remain silent, it is that act of faith that sparks my own and strengthens me greatly. Thanks be to God for those rare friends. I pray I can be one.

[@RhodeIslander858]

Your videos are always great Father Mike

[@zuzanakoike17]

Wow! Thank you for that!

[@nedwards3409]

One of the best talks that I have ever heard about what true friendship entails.

[@Zarthalad]

Best video ever!

[@julialopes5054]

Thanks a lot for this video, Father! God bless

[@deidrarichards5801]

I once had what I thought were great girlfriends in church. After a few years, I realised that they did not feel about me, the way I felt about them. Some were mean to me and had feelings of envy towards me and others really could not care less about me. I became a very hard and harsh person. To date, I have no real friends but with God's help, I am getting over the hardness of heart. It would be nice to have a few good friends but to tell you the truth, I am not really willing to be vulnerable again. I'd rather just draw closer to God.

[@ivonnemedrano8937]

Thanks! Father Mike for your videos they are appreciated have a great week.

[@crystalmorgan9118]

Bring it home ....Pastor mike and this is different talk that I anticipated...So good

[@shawnaserpan622]

I really like this! I spent so long complaining about not having community where I live. So, I decided to do something about it. I made myself available and I was persistent about being intentional with those around me. There are times when sometimes I still feel as though I have no community, but they are there. Pray for the people around you and ask God to help you to be the light that they need. Utilize your awkwardness! Embrace the weird! I went up to a stranger and said "hey, we work together and are about the same age. We will now be friends." Half expecting this to never work, I continued to just make myself available and ask how I can pray for them and now we are friends. We are still digging deeper into vulnerability, but as Father said, that takes time. May the Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary be with us all!

[@heidirobinson3352]

Thank you for this video.

[@iMartyMiller]

all good Father! I have been studying the Book of Sirach which has been so helpful to me and I am a bit picky about developing new friendships, but one thing in particular that will open every door for a new relationship is to 'ask questions', because asking questions yes is vulnerable, but it shows you are interested, and so many friendships for me have developed this way, and amaze me...even asking where they grew up? But I do always ask the Holy Spirit to help me, gets me through that 'nervous' stage, but I am always amazed....well except a few times..ha ha

[@juliakolbe511]

I NEEDED this video ❤️ especially this week .. God is so good

[@ifeomaoluhara9421]

What a teaching on True friendship!! Thank u Fr Mike for your insights.😊

[@roselynsanchez33]

i so needed to hear this ! 🤍✨

[@Nug12b]

Making yourself available but not just to talk on the phone but being willing to jump into action when someone needs you. It’s hard for people to ask for help, when they do, if you turn them down, chances are they won’t come to you again for help. Physically being available is very important when you can. 💜💜💜 also trying to be available to those in need you don’t know. There is so much need out there.. a simple smile, or cup of water or listening ear can make all the difference in the world.

[@kristasoukup8031]

beautiful! Thank you!

[@Deperuse]

Recently came back to the faith in a very strong way. All my friends are mostly atheist and my friendships have been founded on very secular things. To boot I always kept my belief in God to myself. I was living in two worlds, very separated, and now it's difficult to associate with my longtime friends because of my silence, but also because I cannot continue living the way I was, joking about the things I was joking about, talking the way I used to, etc. SO my advice to all y'all is to be honest with your friends and acquaintances hah. Thanks for this Father, needed to hear it.

[@chriskaroshi]

I relate strongly with all that you've said here ❤ 🙏

[@julieelizabeth4856]

@@chriskaroshi So do I! It's difficult to look forward to holidays and get-togethers for any celebrations. I cringe at all of the crude talk and behavior that I never knew was right and didn't participate in, but now I don't even want to be around it at all.

[@misssongbird99]

I have an acronym that I use to remind myself what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like (this could be for romantic relationships, friendship, family, even with yourself) based on what I have seen from the inside and outside of them. I came up with it a year and a half ago, and I’d like to think that it’s a pretty good way to gauge healthy/unhealthy relationships. I call it T.A.L.A. - Time, Attention, Love, and Affection. Time - How much time are you spending with the other person? Are you spending too little or too much time with them? Do they get upset when you need to have time away from them? Attention - When you spend time with this person, are you paying attention to what they have to say? Have you responded absentmindedly when they try to talk to you? Is it too easy/too hard to get their attention or for them to get your’s? Love - In your heart, do you care for this person? Do they have importance in your life that isn’t solely for convenience or out of use? Is that love eclipsing other parts of your life, like your own wellbeing or your love for God? Affection - If you do love this person, how do you show it to them? How do they know that you love them? Have you shown too much or too little of it recently? How much of your efforts have been used to make sure that the other person knows that you love them? I imagine each of these on a scale, with the objective to keep it as balanced as possible. Of course, there will be times when the scale for one of these may lean more towards one side than the other, but it should always return to a relatively equal balance. If it starts leaning heavily towards one side and stays there, that’s when a relationship of any kind can become toxic. (Also, you could substitute Affection with Kindness, which then turns the acronym into T.A.L.K., which puts a heavier emphasis on the use of communication to support healthy relationships. Haven’t toyed with that idea enough yet for me to make the change completely, but it could still be used in that way.)

[@misssongbird99]

This can complement Availability and Vulnerability pretty well, by the way.

[@phoebea]

Amazing, thank you for sharing!

[@thomaswilke6312]

I like this homily a lot

[@reaganrodrigues7451]

Thanks for this father

[@christineuitenbroek4035]

Excellent video Father Mike Schmitz! I will keep on praying for you as my friend and I hope you have a great day!

[@izawaniek2568]

Availability and vulnerability are keys to creating healthy communities. Thank you.

[@melaniemariadsouza7735]

Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.. if something scares you do it.. even if you fail atleast you wont regret that you never tried.

[@FitBodyandMind]

I think a necessary ingredient for a great community is sowing love and kindness towards the people in your life without expecting anything in return.

[@chelseawilliams8493]

This video came at the right time. Lately I feel like God has been speaking to me in many ways. Throughout high school and college, I did not have many friends of faith and because of that I lost mine. I just recently started dental school and have found a group of Catholic student dentists and I can already tell the difference in my heart and happiness. Thank you Fr. Mike :)

[@a1b1bcsologuy]

Great..Topic nice ...God Bless... Father

[@curtpiazza1688]

Thanx Father!

[@rustynailcansycane]

buddyhood! i love it🤣

[@dennisbeers]

I'm 58, I'm a recovered alcoholic for 34 years now. I joined an Order as a third order member almost 30 years ago. Had tons of friends and I lost each and everyone because I voted republican. No friends since!

[@earthmom106]

If you lost them over politics they weren’t friends 😐. Same thing happened to me and so many others. Has even destroyed family bonds. God help us to find true friends. Amen

[@marcokite]

yes i also find 'liberals' can be the most narrow minded

[@cristinasalazar9293]

I'm Catholic and a Democratic Socialist, and I have Republican Trump supporter neighbors who I am friends with.

[@kimberlyarlene4094]

Yes, they feel that you actually become who you vote for and get all their traits. Feel sorry for these friends. If that’s true, they spend all day bleaching servers and trying to keep their creepy husband away from the interns.

[@earthmom106]

Christian Salazar how can one claim to be Catholic, yet vote for pro abort (baby killing ) Democrats? Just HOW?!!

[@kitschkat8678]

Another ingredient is a shared search for truth and virtue. The two people need to be seeking God, and capable of giving and receiving real love, at least to some degree - we're all broken in some way after all.

[@Sean-lv6fx]

Having no friends or being hated and excluded can also be a blessing, don't mean to sound so sombre. 1Kings19:10 He answered, “I have been very zealous for the Lord, the God of hosts; for the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left, and they are seeking my life, to take it away.” Luke6:22 “Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you[d] on account of the Son of Man. 23 Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, for surely your reward is great in heaven; for that is what their ancestors did to the prophets.

[@eyoung8215]

But not by all people. If everyone hates you - it may not be other people and Fr's advice might be relevant to you. Even God is not alone. And not everyone is anti-Christian.

[@phoebea]

The second bible verse was about the Beatitudes. Jesus is saying that if others hate and persecute you because of Him (Jesus), blessed are you. Not, blessed are you because you are alone. I used to think that it was better that I didn't have friends because I was fine with being on my own and the freedoms it gave me. But, in truth, I felt an ache, a melancholic loneliness, to have just one person in this world to be my friend (Jesus, Mary, and the Saints are there always, but I wanted a person a confidante to share parts of my life with in friendship.) Someone to have my back when the rest of the world is against me, but will tell me off when I'm in the wrong. Someone I can learn from and who can learn from my experiences. So, when Fr. Mike says that we are not meant to be alone, I physically, intrinsically know that. When I go out and walk alone and I witness great friendships all around me, I feel the loneliness. God helped me to realize that I didn't have friends because of my own pride. I chose to be alone. I chose to close myself off from everyone else. I chose to be insufferable and be a bit too much for others to understand or comprehend at once. But, then there comes a moment when God gives you the grace to understand another person and to stop looking at yourself for a moment long enough to care about someone else for a change. That's the moment where a seed of friendship can grow. When we stop looking at our own pain, suffering, and problems, and genuinely choose to care about someone else. These are just my thoughts, I don't mean to say that you choose to be alone or that your life experience is at all like mine. I now have a few good friends and I'm still working on improving as a friend. It is a lifestyle change, but I am much happier for it.

[@Sean-lv6fx]

@@eyoung8215 - Oh no I didn't mean that, I get on fairly well with most people I meet and have some friends. If you go against the grain a lot of the time because of your religious beliefs you can rub a lot of people the wrong way. Christians should expect to not the fit in in this World. John15:18 “If the world hates you, be aware that it hated me before it hated you. 19 If you belonged to the world,[f] the world would love you as its own. Because you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world-therefore the world hates you. My post was meant to be sign of encouragement for anyone who felt excluded because of their religious principles. That can be a blessing on many occasions, and people shouldn't beat themselves up about it if they are persecuted for such beliefs. I'm speaking about upholding Catholic teachings ofcourse.

[@mahantalebi788]

Thank you, Aneb

[@susanm4665]

Very nicely said

[@barajasjanett]

Love the example of the fish 🐠 tank!

[@nonih9338]

This is great! Honestly, I've always found it hard to get close to my family, but I'm fine with my friends because we can text or do video calls, etc, but my family is much older and don't really know how to work a smartphone. So I've always felt a little disconnect, but this makes me think maybe I have to just approach them differently and make time for them over a regular phone call, or a visit (with social distance of course) and see what that leads to. Thank you for this video!