How to Have a Good Conversation | Celeste Headlee | TEDxCreativeCoast

[@adri.5357]

4:31 1: "Don't multitask." 4:53 2: "Don't pontificate." 6:06 3: "Use open-ended questions." 6:44 4: "Go with the flow." 7:36 5: "If you don't know, say that you don't know." 7:57 6: "Don't equate your experience with theirs." 8:38 7: "Don't repeat yourself." 8:58 8: "Stay out of the weeds." 9:21 9: "Listen." 10:41 10: "Be brief." *Please like this comment so it can stay up and more people are able to see it.*

[@ValorosOrigami]

Good Job

[@alexandrasquid7473]

Thank you

[@chili4698]

you just saved me 12 minutes on a school assignment thank you

[@MannyXN]

@@chili4698 same lol

[@ValorosOrigami]

@@chili4698 Wait school assignment??

[@tooshoe1313]

"Dont listen to reply, listen to understand" This is such a powerful quote and it really resonated with me. Thank you Celest!

[@planetwnr8926]

I think it's important for me because I'm very impatient and unfortunately I try to interrupt to reply several times during the conversation, so I know it's really rude

[@neolam2362]

You spot on Tasha! A good understanding keeps the conversation flowing. Don't forget an open-ended question is the best way to have better understanding.

[@fjj310]

However if someone keeps talking and shows no interest in the things you have to say, that person is selfish and wants control and domination.

[@13SLUGGS]

​

[@Omar-jx8xz]

Tasha good. Celeste thank you 🙏 good morning ☀️ super nice way to start our morning conversation! Thank you everyone for this to take place in my heart ❤️

[@hhalaaa]

Almost 7 years later this still has such a huge impact on everyone. She's absolutely great.

[@tonyoman5018]

I didn't even realize how old this was till I saw your comment, the whole thing seemed very current

[@TysonAllen99]

@@tonyoman5018 bitcoin

[@tonyoman5018]

@@TysonAllen99 yes

[@bencyber8595]

ipek after how many years 😅

[@MrSpitfireMustang]

Notes from video: 4:31 1. Don’t be half in half out of the conversation. Be in it or out of it. 4:53 2. Don’t pontificate. Stating an opinion without the opportunity for response, argument or discussion. Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. Set aside your personal opinion. Everyone you meet knows something that you don’t. Everyone is an expert in something. 6:06 3. Who, what, where, when, how? Let them describe it. 6:44 4. Go with the flow. Thoughts will come and go. 7:36 5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Talk should not be cheap. 7:57 6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. If they’re talking about the time they lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member. If they start talking about the trouble they’re having at work, don’t start talking about how you hate your job. It’s never the same. All experiences are individual. 8:38 7. Try not to repeat yourself. It can come across as condescending and it’s really boring. We tend to do it a lot in work situations and conversations with our kids. 8:58 8. Stay out of the weeds. People don’t care about the minutiae. What they care about is you. 9:21 9. Listen. This is the most important. • If your mouth is open you’re not learning - Budda and every Dad there ever was. • No man ever listened his way out of a job - Calvin Coolidge. 10:41 10. Be brief. • A good conversation is like a mini skirt; short enough to maintain interest, but long enough to cover the subject. Be interested in other people. Everyone has some hidden amazing thing about them. Go out, talk to people and prepare to be amazed.

[@marylane5281]

Some of us make mistakes in conversation because we panic when there is silence or feel uncomfortable that we wont provide what the other person needs

[@mrrocksmithy]

Dangit I should have looked at the Comments before I made my own notes -_-

[@zara3327]

Thank you

[@fredericaaclare3208]

Meaty Ogre ‘

[@bhushanjain6272]

thank you so much

[@lisandroge]

1-Be present 2-Enter enter every conversation assuming you have something to learn 3-Use open ended questions 4-Go with the flow 5-If you dont know, say you dont know 6-Do equate you experience with theirs 7-try not to repeat your self 8-forget the details, only focus on expressing your self. 9-LISTEN This is only for review purpose. If you havent seen the video pls watch it first then read this. And if you where reading this during the video pls restart it and watch it with you full attention.

[@GoBlue7171]

10 - be brief

[@datnguyen9999]

"3-Use open ended questions" not all conversations revolve in questions. you also forgot to mention the most important thing. to Listen !

[@mistaahpaul5632]

No.6 Don't equate your experiences with theirs

[@marycremin2835]

ignis (,54&7

[@AdGalsFL]

. C x Cx

[@rebecca_stone]

Love this! As an ex-national news journalist, now working in corporate communications, who interviews and has conversations with fascinating people, my favourite tip on her list is "be interested in people, be prepared to be amazed". If you go into all interactions with this mindset, all her other tips will happen naturally, and it will be a rich experience guaranteed.

[@Tipperary757]

Yes! I felt I knew this when I was younger + somehow lost that sense of wonder about strangers. Must regain that sense of surprise.

[@jasminenadjaavila6545]

O

[@AsocialMelon]

Yeah, but what if you are genuinly not interested in people?

[@konnerflynn7904]

One of the most genuine and personable speaches ive ever heard. She speaks as if she were talking to a single person, but at an entire audience. She appears so comfortable and genuine on stage it does indeed leave me amazed.

[@athena1047]

yes

[@phenixevelyphd2149]

Listen to understand, not reply. My favorite comment of Celeste's presentation.

[@masummar361]

Great important point

[@Akleshji.officialACR]

​@@masummar361नननं

[@lonceyelie4299]

You never stop learning, so just keep listening. Listen to understand and not reply. That was amazing

[@SeanTheDon17]

"Be prepared to be Amazed" The final and strongest words.

[@doibing9856]

I used these techniques and noticed an immediate difference instantly with my wife and friends. Honestly i think my problem was with listening as with most people.

[@williamhornal6324]

Doi Bing 0

[@ICEknightnine]

Me: **prepares self to be amazed** Loud Minority: **race baiting, labeling people nazis, and witch hunting** Me: "Ok that's enough attempts at social interaction online for the year."

[@tommegg8486]

Noe that I look back at my own experience, I have lost count on how many I've been amazed by some dude I don't know and we just kind of having good conversation.

[@Throwbaq]

yeah i'll take that, i always prepare to be disappointed...

[@Vibricks]

As a person who struggles with social anxiety and holding a good conversation I must say this is the best tedx talk I've listened to, and I've watched tons...

[@MILESandMILESTONESwithSACHIN]

1. be present don't multitask, while having a conversation. Get out of the conversation if you want to, but if you wanna make a nice one then be present! 2. don't pontificate if you wanna stay to your opinion without any oppurtunity for response or argument or pushback or growth, then write a blog. :) You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. TRUE LISTENING REQUIRES A SETTING ASIDE OF ONESELF. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his/her mind to the listener. EVERYONE YOU WILL EVER MEET, KNOWS SOMETHING YOU DON'T. 3. Use open-ended questions Start your questions with who, what, when, why or how. Let them describe there opinion or their experience. Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're gonna get a much more interesting response. 4. Go with the flow Just listen and ask related to their answers, just to be present. Never think that you've a clever question and you would forget and then you got tied to that particular thought of question and you're out of the conversation. Thoughts or questions might come to you and you let them come and go. 5. If you don't know, say that you don't know Be honest about what you know and what you don't know. Do that, talk shouldn't be cheap. 6. Don't equate your experience with theirs If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job. It's not the same, it's never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly it's not about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered. "I've no idea. People who brag about their IQs are losers." Conversations are not a promotional oppurtunity. 7. Try not to repeat yourself It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot. we have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over. Don't do that. 8. Stay out of the weeds Frankly, people don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind. They don't care, what they care about is you. They care about what you like, what you've in common. So forget the details. Leave them out. 9. Listen Listening is perhaps the most, the number one, most important skill that you could develop. "If you're mouth is open, you're not learning." ~Buddha "No man ever listened his way out of a job." Why do we not listen to each other? We get distracted.The average person talks at about 225 word per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So our minds are filling in those other 275 words. And look, I know, it takes effort and energy to actually pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation. You're just two people shouting out barely related sentences in the same place. You have to listen to one another. "Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply." ~ Stephen Covey 10. Be brief A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject. All of this boils down to the same basic concept, and this is this one: Be interested in other people. GO out; talk to people, listen to people,and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed. Thanks.

[@MilitaryAcademy]

Thanks

[@finch00000]

bro helping me with my college class in the comments section, legands

[@bhuvi441]

"Be prepared to be amazed" what a way to end ! All that it takes to be a good conversationalist is that we listen better to each other. One of the most valuable ted talks I've seen.

[@TheUrbanhippy]

Totally true! As a Lyft driver, i am constantly surprised, inspired, amazed, and in awe by my amazing passengers... 1,407 and counting. People are awesome!

[@leareneesmith4006]

Listen to people you're conversing with, not with the intent to REPLY...but with the intent to UNDERSTAND... and always anticipate learning how the person you're listening to is going to amaze you... I like it... I've just been seeking others perspectives to gauge the temperature, mettle, and trajectory of my own all this time, well, that and for the adventure of where the conversation may travel.. This may be the best bit of perspective I've heard in more than a decade...and thats really saying something!

[@eduardo4683]

I would add an 11 rule: Be yourself. When you are talking, don't say things or act like another person just to be accepted. People don't want maks, including yourself. We have to develop naturally our own personality, even if in our opinion, it's not enough to be beloved. Sooner or later, you''ll have to be yourself, act like another person just cuts off your connection with other people and with yourself. I say this from my own experience

[@uncledrew5264]

I agree

[@abiel_650]

That's growth man! Proud of you.

[@kochise1119]

@will simmons then being the self you are at that given time is key.

[@pgaquigz1125]

Baaaaaaaaaa

[@pgaquigz1125]

will simmons okay weirdo

[@iamarmishra]

"A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject." nice one.

[@michomichopolis1135]

I totally agree with her. What I have experienced lately though is that my „skill“ of being a good listener is oftentimes exploited by people who love to talk about themselves, but in return don’t ask questions. And so conversations get really exhausting and one directional. And unfortunately I don’t get amazed too often by the content of it.

[@kc-ss7sz]

Agreed. good listener is oftentimes exploited by people who love to talk about them selves. they don't care my time. some point, I needed to cut it out their talking.

[@AMANSINGH-xw4iw]

Thanks for my english assignment 💋

[@shan2355]

so agree

[@delg1211]

lol! Very well said. I have observed that too, and the path forward is an obvious one- and it's how you make meaningful relationships. I use to think it was my job to "help" the people who only talk about themselves, but hv since decided that was not my cross to bear. Politely exit from their story-telling / relationship, and give your energy to people more engaged in a meaningful exchange. 🌈

[@M_S_R_]

"Most teens at this time send over 100 texts a day" Me: *looks at phone* *two texts* -_-

[@doibing9856]

You don't wanna live that kind of life anyway, it ends up being more depressing then simply doing a hobby. Mind you when you have your hobby you then can find other like minded individuals who are more than willing to look past your "flaws".

[@oliviamae3281]

Trap-lord - me. None.

[@haroldnick7731]

Its such BS

[@franchescarivera8661]

im definitely this person. its more convenient and less intrusive.

[@Fgttn0009]

Franchesca Rivera same but my friends n I always take the opportunity to group call/FaceTime instead of txt

[@NibberKSmooth]

100% wonderful advice and guidance. We are SO narcissistic and self absorbed, that we feel the need to broadcast our opinions when someone is talking with us. LISTEN!!!!

[@toe2261]

1.ながらをしない 2.一方的に話さない 3.自由回答の質問をすること 4.流れに任せること 5.もし知らなければ知らないと言いましょう 6.相手の体験を自分の体験と同一視しない 7.同じことを何度も言わないこと 8.細かいことには拘らない 9.聞くこと 10.簡潔に

[@EricKamander]

Celeste Headlee​ is such a pro and drops some incredible advice for life, in 12 minutes. I was not prepared to be amazed, but I was! Besides being clever in a bunch of little ways, this was such excellent advice (for me personally). I need to rewatch this this regularly just to keep it fresh in my mind.

[@caroleehubbard8380]

#6 is me...I always thought mentioning how my experience is similar to theirs, it would let the person know I can relate, because I've been there. It never occurred to me that it could come across as changing the subject to me or as being narcissistic. I'm going to stop doing this as of now. Good advice! I'm an intravert, so, listening has always been my strong suit, but some great tips in this talk.

[@logMMAn]

Same. Does this really annoy people?

[@caroleehubbard8380]

logMMAn I wrote this comment 2 weeks ago and since then I have been paying attention to how often I do this and how often others do this, and it is often. When I've been catching myself, I stop and redirect back to the person. This has had an interesting effect that I just noticed yesterday. My conversations with people are much longer now and morph into far more expansive stories and in depth subjects. I also noticed people commenting what a great time they had with me, or what a great conversation we had. (One example) Yesterday, I met a fairly new acquaintance just for an early matinee movie at 11:00 am, after the movie we sat next door for a quick drink and conversation. We talked for about 3 1/2 hours and I didn't get home until dinner time. She texted me before I even got home how fun that was, and we need to plan another meet up. I was intentionally, actively re-directing our conversation towards her thru-out our talk and not injecting my experiences , but asking her to elaborate more on her experience. It's been a fascinating experiment , and I have noticed some pretty dramatic reactions to this tiny switch in my behavior.

[@gokharol]

@@caroleehubbard8380 omg this is very interesting, thank you for sharing!

[@laura.m.illustrations4179]

So my question is: How do you give the person advice or comfort if you don’t go in with the “this happened to me” angle? What kinds of things do you say instead? For example, if a friend tells me they don’t know how they’re going to get through this breakup, instead of me saying “I’ve been there and I thought I wouldn’t make it through but I did”, what would you say?

[@caroleehubbard8380]

Laura M I suppose you could mention, "I've been there" "You'll get thru this" But, the key is to ask open ended questions about them. This gets them to open up, elaborate more about themselves, their thoughts, their feelings. You don't always have to be trying to solve their problems or have solutions for them. I've found that mostly people just want an outlet to express themselves, to feel understood and heard. At least that's been my experience.

[@jakespivey3716]

9 years later, I hope she's still on NPR. This was really great advice, I'm a lousy conversationalist so I'm saving this and will listen to it from time to time as a reminder of how to a better conversationist.

[@michaelpugh2617]

He thing is I like listening, I’m really good at taking in what people say and developing their thoughts. The problem is then talking. I think I’m really weird in that aspect that I would much rather listen to someone talk about a topic and learn from them than to interject my own ideas into a conversation. I came to this trying to learn how to hold a conversation with someone, but this for the most part isn’t what I needed. I need the other end of the spectrum for advice. I need to learn how to talk more. I’m not trying to lessen what she said, I still think this helped me a lot and I’m gonna try using her tips. Idk, I guess this is what being an introvert is like

[@kellyq21]

I consider myself an excellent listener. People wonder why everyone opens up to me when they hardly spoke to them. I think it's because people appreciate being listened-to and seek me out to talk. But I know what you mean and I used to be more like that (listening without saying much). As I get older with a lot of life experience, I answer with my own experiences on the topic at hand, which violates one of the speaker's edicts. On the one hand it seems like I am trying to one-up the person or make it about me, but on the other hand I at least have something to say. What else can I respond with? I guess I can ask questions to probe further, but sometimes the topic is of little interest to me and I do not want to extend the conversation. In those cases I feel like I'm being rude by just having "yeah, uh-huh," answers and hoping the person does not keep going.

[@superkostlegend6592]

Or you can say that you are not interested in this conversation? Isnt that honest

[@jaypreacher3047]

@@kellyq21 she says if you want to get out of a conversation, get out if it. Don't be half in half out. And no just saying I'm not interested is not ok. Honesty without compassion is just cruelty. Ask directions to the restroom. Conversation over.

[@Mesingel]

@@jaypreacher3047 Summarized, this could read like "Lie your way out of the conversation". But what if you get called on the lie? What if you meet that person again, and you're further from the restroom than before? That will hurt the person way more than you intended (you just had no interest in their topic, it's not as if you had no interest in anything they had to say). So it seems as if honesty is the best way to do it, but like you said, simply blurting out you don't care and then walking away, is rude. Perhaps a better tack could be admitting you aren't interested in the topic (plus, based on their reaction, briefly explaining why), and then suggesting another topic to discuss?

[@jaypreacher3047]

@@Mesingel asking for directions to the restroom was a suggestion when googling "how to politely exit a conversation" 🤣🤣🤣 But what if is a fun game.

[@ridwanulhaque7721]

she is absolutely precise, humorous & sharp!! I like the way she made those humors!!!

[@JD-cf3mv]

I’ve watched this talk probably 4-5 times now. it’s made me so much more aware of how I interact with people via conversations. Especially the simplicity of just listening more and letting people talk to have their say rather than cut them off mid sentence with what I think is more important or how greater my experience is compared to theirs…this talk has such valuable lessons for us all.

[@charlyx3z894]

Watching this video got me to thinking about the past few conversations that I've had with people, and i can see why things go awkwardly sometimes. Waiting and remembering an idea only to interject it over another persons statements rather than listening and going with the flow is something i often do. This video has made me realize I'm not a very good listener and need to work on this in order to have more meaningful conversations with people.

[@samanthaspano3652]

I completely agree with some of the comments here that dispute the 'don't equate your experience with theirs' point. Everyone is different, but when I am going through a hard time, I don't want surface-level sympathy. I want someone to tell me "I've gone through [something similar] too, and [this] is how I overcame it." It's comforting and shows me that they're not simply nodding and smiling at a situation they can't comprehend.

[@SuperXD44]

But for me on the other hand, I don't want people to tell me stuff I don't want to hear. Idgaf how you overcame it as I will too. If I don't I will ask. Things are: this is very subjective. The safe route is to not equate your experience. The more you know the person, the more you know what they want and what they don't.

[@allanpresto5163]

Yes, the difference could be in the timing, also in the delivery, it becomes annoying when it seems like the other guy is hogging the spotlight. If done right, it can be helpful.

[@melissapatino3852]

For me I think both you and the communicator should talk both ways you wanna talk and what they wanna talk about

[@luh318]

Me too

[@erikvanderheide1440]

One of the best TED talks in history. I still often rewatch

[@antonioevans4928]

She has been by far my favorite TED speaker. I'm definitely going to follow any of her future speeches.

[@massimobozzi1]

I hate how much people interrupt. I leave most conversations unsatisfied because I end up shutting up to avoid interrupting, but most people don't return the favor.

[@Chrysanthemum808]

Massimo Bozzi I hate being interrupted, too, and I’ll do the same thing. However, there were a couple of people who I’m friends with who often interrupted me, and I got so irritated especially while trying not to forget what I was trying to say (and I’m naturally pretty quiet), I interjected with a stern voice, “I was still talking.” Or “Please don’t interrupt me.” I didn’t like having to do that because I felt really rude, but I had enough of that treatment.

[@tts626]

Yeah, it's not often fair. But sometimes shutting up like that, you can just let them go until they run out of steam. But I think there are ways to interject and take back control, especially by asking relevant questions that help to create dialog. If the person never asks you about anything though, probably not worth your time. Sadly, for me anyway, that's a lot of people I know.

[@armineser1706]

@@Chrysanthemum808 Try "can I just finish this point?" I'm not a good conversationalist and you are actually helping me by insisting on your rights. It's not rude. On the opposite you say yourself it "costs" you something. However if you avoid me in future, you may be rude. Even though it's my fault.

[@David-gg9kv]

Most of the people in this thread care way to much about what others think, yes you want to be nice but sometimes you have to be rude every now and then to get what YOU want

[@ericblum3915]

Beta! Lol

[@oluokorooj8231]

Greatest Advice my father ever gave me “ Be Slow to Speak and Quick to listen”

[@victoriawalker23455]

"Enter every conversation assuming there is something to learn" Set aside your personal opinion" Beautiful!

[@Yzjoshuwave]

She makes a bunch of great points in this talk. I think my favorite - or perhaps second to the one about being a good listener - was the one about letting go of the thoughts that run through our minds when someone's talking. We think that we'll forget it if we don't hold onto it, but it's our real-time responsiveness that'll make what we say hit. And we're capable of tracking a number of points that someone makes at the same time, so our responses to them can take on the nuanced character that really listening yields. Well look at that: letting go of our thought stream is really very closely related to careful listening.

[@haroldnick7731]

Joshua Morristo wow... Well said...

[@MrMarkusOlsson]

I totally agree. I do that exact thing all the time. The conversation could go on for minutes and minutes and I still want to find a gap for me to slink in with the thing I wanted to say. And when I do, almost every time it was not worth it. First of all because it didn't really fit into what was being said at the time because my thought had to do with something that has already been said. Secondly, I realize that I have totally not payed any attention to what the others were saying during the time I was thinking of the perfect thing to say, and struggling not to forget about it. Damn, I am really going to try to change this about me.

[@evilkidm93b]

I always need to write down thoughts that come to my mind during conversations otherwise I am easily brought out of concept because I can't let go of them even if I want to.

[@geetpatel5795]

Mom Lolo

[@dante_felix]

This is it, the presentation that we need: short, valuable, and, timeless. Anyway I love her last words, "be prepared to be amazed (so we never be disappointed)". Thank you, Celeste. You're great!

[@derrickmurray3782]

I was told this decades ago when I was in hospitality and then sales. “Listen with your ears and eyes open and your mouth shut” “You can’t offer a solution when you don’t know what the issue is”

[@delilahjones6496]

In regards to when she says, "Don't equate your experience with theirs.," meaning, don't chime in with your story that's similar to theirs, I realized a while ago that I do this all the time. I find that this is how I connect with people. And when someone I meet just wants to talk about themselves and immediately shuts down interest when you share a similar story, well, that's selfish. Those people just want to talk about themselves. They are not interested in you. I've literally analyzed the exact moment whenever I chime in and go, "Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about because this one time..." and the other person's facial expression go from interested to never mind. Now, for the people whom I do get along with, they are the ones who WANT me to share my story that is similar to theirs. In fact, the conversation usually lights up at the point. These people seem to want to share a little bit about themselves at the same time they want you to share a little about yourself in a hopeful attempt to see if you can connect. So my point is, I agree with her on this point and disagree because not everyone is the same.

[@Emmamurphy4382]

this!!!!

[@evea.4358]

Exactly!

[@Alistair]

"Those people just want to talk about themselves. They are not interested in you." Do you realise that from this brief paragraph about yourself, you are clearly one of these people? How about listening and asking questions instead of starting to talk about yourself as early as possible?

[@MrTommieadamsphoto]

I agree. Sometimes a conversation may only be successful if there is mutual interest in one another. Everyone is aware of these 10 tips. A conversation is a dance that sometimes changes who leads.

[@carolynnturner2812]

Totally agree on this as long as you aren’t interrupting to tell your story. I hate when people do that. It’s often unintentional but still, not it’s not great

[@sygb.550]

This lady not only sound smart but she IS smart and get her point very smoothly to her audience Its so easy to listen to her and digest

[@donidzakit.975]

How to get better conversations : 1. Don't multitask 2. Don't pontificate (assume that you have something to learn 3. Use open-ended question (not a yes/no) 4. Go with the flow 5. If you don't know, say that you don't know. 6. Don't equate your experience with theirs. (its not about you, not to promote yourself) 7.try not to rephrasing yourself. 8. They dont care with the number name date etc, they care about how you like. 9. Listen (most people not listen to understand, but listen to reply) 10. Be brief

[@eclecticreader961]

I strongly disagree with #6. If I can't promote myself, I don't have a way to let a person know what I'm truly interested in, to connect with that person. Connecting is suppose to be a key aspect of a conversation.

[@romanonaidoo2737]

If you're reading this, I hope you have a great day!😊

[@cristiannaxi4990]

get fucked

[@pedrobelfort7003]

+Romano Naidoo Obrigado

[@goran3036]

There are several components to reducing shyness naturally . One resource I found which successfully combines these is the Sebs Shyness Tactic (check it out on google) without a doubt the no.1 blueprint i've heard of. Check out the amazing information .

[@m.h.w.2081]

3 years later. I hope your having a great day too. thank you :-)

[@Ronnie-uj2dy]

thank you, same to you!

[@paula-pw7yd]

“Keep my mouth shut and my mind open as often as possible” That’s who I want to be!

[@lottiecooper5634]

I RARELY type comments-this is one of the BEST talks I have heard...it made me go "HMMM.." many times. I intend to listen to it several times so I can really begin to implement these beautiful ways of being in conversation.

[@hugoreynoso302]

Are you a massive talker or a massive listener? (I'm exaggerating btw) lol

[@lottiecooper5634]

@@hugoreynoso302 I listen but I lean more towards the yapping....I need to practise the art of more silence

[@bananamuffin1761]

At first i thought her heavy breathing was kinda distracting but i got used to it and it ended up adding a kind of passionate affect to the speech also this speech made me happy

[@luckyfriend82]

I remember listening to this about two years ago, and wow it's even more powerful now! She's an amazing speaker! Short, funny, relatable and engaging.

[@samfersko2050]

This lady is very interesting and comprehensive!

[@princeabs247]

thanks

[@williamhornal6324]

Sam Fersko I0

[@vindiesel6695]

your gf made you say that 100%

[@fernandoaleman607]

I feel like we are always prepared to be offended instead of prepared to be amazed. That's the problem. So much feels.

[@naweed4862]

now I'm prepared to be amazed ... hope I won't be deceived!

[@ralconz]

12 minutes very well spent. As one comment on here mentioned, 7 years later, this is still fresh and very relevant. The last slide was super smart and hilarious. lol

[@nicholasseager4339]

These principles should be taught to everyone. A lot of people have lost the art of conversation due to social media, technology, etc.

[@ChameleonClouds]

Great talk! "Be prepared to be amazed." This lends us to an individualistic beauty that is inside each of us. Thanks for the advice!

[@Smashachu]

This is one video that has helped change my life, i come back to it a few times a year to freshen up. It really changes your entire social ability.

[@Ninja_Reborn]

This was such a spot on presentation, I can't even... Excellent job Celeste, the world needs this!

[@badjoj015]

"we dont listen with the intent to understand. we listen with intent to reply" completely agree, i say "communication is not key, comprehension is"

[@SkyeHumbert]

this has defintitly changed my perspective

[@LinhTran-wc4eg]

I wanna note something that i like the most in this video. The first thing is "Don't do mutitasks when you are communicating". I always get this issue but i dont realize that is rude, it will make other people feel like they are not respected. The number 2 is " Using some open question like what, when, why, how,..". This make opposite people can stop a moment to think about it and give you a long respone. The longer answer, the many lessons you can learn. The number 3 is " Follow their stories and abandon your mind or thought that related to how to respone by your own stories". People dont like listening your story, they just want to find out the same between you and them. "Listen to understand, not to respone" . The last is "Don't repeat your stories or rephare them".

[@louisarosemusic]

don't agree on one thing, when I have had a very painful experience I love meeting someone who has a similar experience because it makes me feel understood and I can learn about how they dealt with the experience

[@vxx171]

This talk deserves more views

[@doibing9856]

Easily the most impactful ted talk of my life.

[@richardfoleyrfi]

Take home from this excellent talk is that we are not listening to each other and are more polarized than ever before.

[@wbwilhite]

It is always best to listen to your enemies. They are trying to inform you about themselves.

[@Nottoday1301]

this was great! I thought I was good at most of them until she said "don't relate the topic to yourself" I always feel the need to relate to who I'm talking to and she is right. don't do it, it immediately turns people off to the conversation

[@spookyb3019]

no doubt the best tip from the whole video!

[@paulgardner6239]

By the way Celeste, I'm English born and bred in 1970 and grew up talking in real conversations with friends family and others. That was and continues to be my reality.

[@required.]

First time in Ted talk I amazed how beautiful ly she explained everything . She is genius.

[@svetlanarovinsky8555]

Wow! I was blown away by the thoughtfulness recommendations. I want to watch this weekly and pick a week to work on. This is definitely a skill to be honed.

[@robertwsimon9516]

0

[@sofiaramoi7736]

Mouth shut, mind open, be prepared to be amazed. Love this

[@SalsaColombiaUS]

So how do I keep a good conversation if I'm a really good listener?

[@ChibiSugar]

Salsa Colombia imagine you're reading a book. What more do you want to find out about this story? What have you observed? Make a conversation interesting.

[@haroldnick7731]

Blahstar Records Thats not funny...

[@babyfreezer]

This video doesn't really cover that because the fact is most people are not good listeners and all these tips are based mostly on trying to be a good listener.

[@Causewisdom]

Jennifer Bannink That's powerful!

[@TheStandardIsTheStandard]

Jennifer Bannink The catch is that people don’t read books so much...

[@anewloveofficial9137]

It's very important to listen to this kind of people because they give us so many ideas on how to make our life better and to let us know what is the importance of having a great communication.

[@joshuaabidde]

This has got to be one of the best Ted Talks on communication I've seen

[@bouhasoufo3790]

These are the most precious pieces of advice i ever heard.and the good thing i learnt something while i was laughing. What a wonderful Celeste Headlee!

[@soleilbleau7065]

Hears “don’t multitask” while reading comments.. lol my bad

[@redmaxfarm]

Iol, i just wanna laugh...😂🤣

[@tracy9451]

I love hearing new music on SPOTIFY and I color with super fine pens to relax. Can't do either properly at the same time. Truth is no one can multitask well.

[@YamiSukehiro1]

I like u

[@s2392]

exactly me😂

[@Neonmirrorblack]

People don't really "multitask" anyway. We switch tasks exceptionally fast, and well, but we don't, and never have been able to actually multitask all that well. If you were reading comments, then you were simply reading comments and barely able to pay attention to the talk.

[@elmawatson1913]

I totally agree with him. When someone is in a conversation, we need to be good listeners. We listen to their concerns, and reach out to them. Hope the world will be better when we listen to each other and care for each other:"))

[@TommyFamous]

Always assume there is something to learn and listening by setting aside yourself so the speaker can feel more at ease and open up the deeper recess of themselves. I Love this! Thank You 🙏🏻 This information will never be out of date.

[@MiiSERyy44]

Great to know there are people out there that are actually interested in people genuinely, great talk Celeste!

[@NM-zl7ig]

Thank you mam , I am 62 years old , just realise how bad I am in conversation in general , as person I am only listen what’s I am interesting , I just fine out that’s no good . that’s way now I will start to learn how to make conversation . and thank you a gain mam for this u tube .happy new year for 2023 . by the way I am came from Bali , living in Sydney Australia .

[@daedalusjones3804]

There is something else that Celeste has and does not mention. She is attractive because of her underlying sense of humour. Her face and body seems to smile with happiness all the time in a really natural manner. No fear or lack of confidence. It was impossible for me to be inattentive or unreceptive to her 10 point message because of her demeanour.

[@Chimpalicious]

Truly one of the most useful TED talks I have heard, I'm going to give this one multiple listens

[@275-Mangere]

definitely the best TEDx talk I have ever come across. Especially since I can be socially awkward and only can have meaningful conversations with people I feel connected with. Thanks Celeste

[@dcasey2574]

Very good talk. I'm someone who asks questions of others and genuinely listens. However, it seems rare in my experience that the other person is even moderately interested in me . . . or what I might have to say about the topic we might be discussing.

[@jot.5502]

Like she said, nowadays most people arent good conversationalists or listeners.

[@saakshi9615]

This is one of the most amazing and useful Tedx talks i have heard! Absolutely loved the speaker. 😍

[@Videographer1234567]

How can 2.7K viewers give a thumbs down to this educated/life skills positive lady? As a normal/open minded Canadian I understand 100% of her words/message.

[@obsidiansea]

I get sick of providing a "listening service" to people who just want to hear themselves talk. Everyone should take turns during a conversation.

[@randyweaver6543]

Amen. Plus 1.

[@Chuts89]

Apply the first advice she gave. If you don't want to be in the conversation, just don't be in it.

[@marvinskywalker9607]

It's a matter of give and take mate.

[@florisbackx1744]

You clearly missed the point.... (and so do all the people that thumbed up....) You are not there for you, you are there for the other, be open and listen. If you can't that's fine, but end the conversation. I you start the conversation with a me vs them the real conversation stopped before it even started. You have conversation to listen not to be heard! You can't learn from saying what you already know.If you focus on what you want to say you are not listening.

[@taylemounes]

@@florisbackx1744 can you rephrase and elaborate cuz ur point isn't clear enough (for me at least) to properly fathom.

[@kimberlyjg3654]

This is a fantastic talk. For those of us who are impatient... the tips start at 4:31 !

[@davidsmith-oi3zg]

Hello Kimberly this video will help a couple of people who are in a hace to get the money right and does who are dying of depression ...hope you enjoyed the video Kim?

[@pkkarami]

What a wonderful person she is, and how wonderfully she explained it. Thank you so much!

[@sonny5087]

I rarely had any meaningful conversations when I was younger because I had social anxiety. I was too anxious to focus on what the other person was saying and I always talked too much―either to distract myself from the anxiousness or out of habit of talking to a psychologist. A close friend of mine passed away a couple years ago and I remembered a quote from Fight Club: “When you're dying, people really, really listen to you, instead of just waiting for their turn to speak”. Now I treat most conversation as if it is the last conversation that I might have with that person―because it very well could be.

[@nicolen.4043]

How did you overcome your anxiety?

[@sonny5087]

@@nicolen.4043 I still struggle with it but self-compassion, voluntary exposure, yoga, meditation and breathing exercises seem to be most fruitful to me! I no longer avoid situations that make me anxious but I try to remain honest with myself and my environment when I am in one of those situations, and I will also allow myself to get out of that situation when I feel the need to do so. There is a great lecture by Jordan Peterson that deals with voluntary exposure, if you're interested.

[@nicolen.4043]

@@sonny5087 I am, is it on youtube?

[@deicide666100]

Vulnerability is the only way to learn, we want to be more vulnerable not less. Our Cognitive biases automatically kick in we get defensive and we shut down but she’s right about saying if don’t know because you can never learn anything new, and she is right about using compassion not empathy

[@samueljsnead]

Listen and be prepared to be amazed, and you will never be disappointed…. That’s so good.

[@inthegreatwide]

One of the most helpful and entertaining TED Talks I've seen!

[@jadorelefrancaisbeaucoup]

"A good conversation is like a miniskirt; short enough to retain interest! but long enough to cover the subject." Amazing quote

[@esquerioto]

I love how her eyes are sparkling

[@SheshagiriPai]

This is one of the best TEDx talks. I am so thankful.

[@blameitonablackstar]

I'm gonna be rewatching this one. This was very helpful.

[@rachelmarchant2081]

"Enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn" excellent advice! ty :)

[@michelledinovo6446]

#6: She says that people shouldn't respond with their similar personal experiences. Personally, I feel better when someone does respond by relating their own experience/s similar to my own. It helps to know that they truly do understand what I am going through.

[@kyle2216]

I think if you really do want to share that, the best approach in the future would to be listening to them, giving them the "how does that make you feel?" type replies and after you think they've had enough of talking about themselves maybe interject with your story. I think the point is that it's sort of rude to cut someone off without letting them get their emotions out, with a story of your own.

[@michelledinovo6446]

Kyle Tobin, I definitely agree, Kyle. I was actually referring to someone who is replying to my story, by responding with their own similar experience. It helps me, knowing they really do understand & know what I'm going through, whereas she says people shouldn't.

[@mgd6087]

I learned so much about deaths in other people's lives when my loved one died. Then I realized my social circle was worse than I thought.

[@BXJ-mi9mm]

That is irrational though. Anecdotes are not evidence.

[@Disenchanted360]

It depends...some people will try to compare their personal experience to yours and they're nothing alike.

[@christianmark7650]

This is the best advice on active listening I have come across!!! I'm excited to explore each of these principles! Thank you Celeste! Your consciousness is beautiful :-)

[@mikesargsyan1899]

The video has really resonated with me. It has really increased my awareness of how I communicate with others. I find it extremely important how sometimes you have to listen more instead of speaking non-stop. Your conversation partner needs to be aware that they are not speaking into the void, that you actually pay attention to them. In my opinion, that's the secret of having a good conversation.

[@pa717]

One of the best and most useful TEDTalks I have even listened to. Thanks.

[@zammerman9424]

Brilliant. You could basically summarize all ten in one word. Humility.

[@jefferlondon1]

Thank you, Celeste Headlee, for getting us thinking about the way we talk to each other. Hope to be in conversation soon! Another view on TEDx is "Better Conversations for a Better World - Jeffer London"

[@novifitriani7365]

Think about the people you know who seem to bring out the best in you whenever you talk to them: You feel comfortable talking to them and could go on talking forever. They could be old friends or someone you just met, but the conversation just seems to flow smoothly and naturally. If you wish you had the natural ability to make conversation that the people you admire have, don’t despair. Having meaningful conversations is something that can be learned, and with focus and practice, we can all become better at it.

[@miguelheredia4123]

"Be prepared to be amazed" Well I wasn't prepared but this talk really amazed me. I'm for sure going to watch this video again just to really integrate this concepts or at least as much of them as I possibly can. This talk was very interesting!!

[@jamiespencer9028]

This talk isn’t just about good conversation but also about how to have a good and proper communication.

[@WhiteEagle7895]

-"average people speaks at 255 word/min but we can listen to 500 word/min" -*proceed to put the speed x2*

[@melgon25]

I wonder how we can ever be “satisfied” if we can essentially take in twice as many words as people can speak at all times. That seems very difficult and odd.

[@FrogFraction]

@@melgon25 There's a slight flaw in that theory. People communicate with non-verbal signals as well, and paying attention to those fills up your concentration as well.

[@hyperludicrous9143]

I saw your comment early on and watched the entire video like that. It worked pretty well.

[@mars3580]

If you have adhd you always talk at 2x speed 🤪

[@sc00f]

I legit watch many KZbin vids at 1.5x. Depending on the speed of the speaker, 1.25-1.75x may still be intelligible.