How to keep house while drowning (w/ KC Davis)

Let’s face it: if chores were fun, they probably wouldn’t be called that. Because for most people, life can be overwhelming - and that means it doesn’t always look like a cleaning commercial where everyone is dancing their way to do laundry, take out trash, or smiling while washing the dishes. KC Davis is a therapist, author, podcaster, and TikToker who knows that caring for yourself can be a struggle. In this episode, she shares how radically rethinking “care” tasks -like not seeing a lack of cleanliness as shameful, or viewing messiness as a moral failure- can improve our quality of life. She also shares small strategies that could help us take better care of ourselves, because we deserve it. For the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscripts
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[@kaydeenothing9772]

I came across this by mistake. I'm so glad I did though. She touched on things I needed to hear. For me, I have been struggling with self-worth and ability to care for my family because I can't get things done. Dishes and laundry are THEEEEE worst for me.

[@myhumbleheartedhome]

Thank you for your boldness in sharing as you’re well aware you’re so far from alone in this struggle. People who make such hateful judging remarks have no idea. They don’t struggle with it, fine. That doesn’t mean others don’t! Hugs 💕

[@NYUSARN622]

Chronic fatigue, autistic child, ADHD, long hard hours as a prison nurse = very messy, disorganized home. So much embarrassment and shame.

[@SolSkinn]

I love cooking. I love it. But I feel like if I'm doing that for you, and we're living in the same home, you can take care of the dishes. But my husband makes himself eggs every single morning and piles the shells on the counter. It's been 17 years and I somehow forget he does this until a week has gone by and I see the shels of 28 eggs on the counter and he refuses to throw them out because he "actually works." Let's not mention that I earn money on eBay and by writing. I do the taxes even though he gives me zero access to our money. I don't even get to see the bill. And I have POTS, so I sometimes end up in the ER behind all of the housework I have to do just to keep myself from going crazy. Then again, I also have ADHD 😅 A girl in my POTS Facebook group told me to buy your book today because it helped her so much. I think I'll go do that.

[@AlexZetoSings]

I know I'm only getting a tiny piece of your life and relationship from this comment, but it sounds like the current set-up is not fair to you at all. You deserve support from your husband in both access to the money, as well as physical help. Your husband is either ignorant, or downright abusive. But either way, I hope you can get the help you need to adjust the relationship to make it more fair on you, OR leave him and spend that energy taking care of yourself. You deserve it.

[@Bunbunfantasmic23]

Exactly! Gosh I love her.

[@AdmiringObserverR]

I thought he was going to say "How do you handle people you live with not giving a crap about supporting these systems you implement or following any of them?" Because that is my question.

[@KK-oe4xw]

I literally just had this conversation with my husband. So frustrating when you organise a cupboard or something and a few days later things have been fired back wherever!! 😩

[@meadowmaiden4621]

When there is an activity I don't want to do I time myself seeing how little time it takes was a big motivator for me. Emptying the dishwasher takes me like 3 minutes, and that is not a lot of time so now I race my self lol

[@TeacherNyla]

She had me at 'rest is not sleep'.

[@Sara3346]

I'm not afraid of being judged because of a guess, IVE BEEN JUSGED on the basis of crumbs alone.

[@cassie5524]

Busy and overwhelmed, very true!!

[@catherinecorless33]

Unloading the dishwasher was my road block. I started putting fewer dishes in on a shorter cycle, reducing from 90/120 mins to 30 mins, and running the dishwasher more frequently.

[@Charity1277]

I love doing laundry and vacuuming because its quick and easy.but the dishes and organizing is what i hate.and the cooking too is time consuming

[@traciebecker6669]

I was a young mom of 4 and struggling with keeping up my home and dishes. My mom told me how she prayed over her dishes asking God to give her a love for her dishes and gratitude for having them to feed us on. I listened to her and began following her advice and it changed my attitude and my life. She was and I am physically disabled.

[@SarahAnew]

I hate cleaning out the fridge! How do I inject sensory pleasure in that? How do I go around that barrier / stuck point? Any tips? Anyone?

[@mo2890]

I agree. So glad other people find the overwhelm like me. I write everything but boy does it feel as if im on a hampster wheel. I get into a cycle if i want to keep a clean house i clean nonstop but if i clean nonstop i have no time to do other things i need to do. All at the same time my husband needs me, my kids need me. All these expectations plus cook 3 meals a day etc, etc, etc. Ive had to let go a lot so i can do those other things. Its so hard for me but i also dont to feel consumed by cleaning bit i also agree with the if i don't do it it piles up. Absolutely. Uhh. Ive been a stay at gome mom for almost 8 years now. But i have 2 side jobs. Even though it was hard my house stayed cleaner when we had a lot of work and i was working almost full time those weeks. I was super busy i worked at least 10.5 hours days then came home cooked mowed the grass until dark then cleaned what i could. Went to bed got up and did it all over. My house stayed a lot cleaner then now when we are home all day.

[@kristikiser8762]

❤❤❤❤ KC you are SO AMAZING!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤ you're helping so many people (and me) 😅😅😅 Keep up the great work!!!😊

[@tiana_2014]

Thank you!!!❤

[@jordanwysinger]

It’s just seems to me that you need to make your tasks fun to get them done if you have moments where uour lazy

[@La_Colombe]

Timestamps? Hahah

[@traciebecker6669]

I wish she didn't make a big deal over the word lazy. I have felt lazy and met others who have said they were being lazy as opposed to feeling overwhelmed or entitled or physically exhausted.

[@Prodrig817]

What category are those individuals that withhold doing their share because they are angry? Is that mental illness or a character deficient?

[@sarahgc434]

Listen, I’m like what do I do with the people who don’t help because I don’t even know, like just…why? Petty? Passive aggressive? Road blocks? Jerk faces? Like seriously!!!!

[@Prodrig817]

@@sarahgc434 I hear you loud and clear. 😊 I have been taught to ignore the unwanted behavior and reward the wanted behavior. On a good day, that works fine but on other days I need to set a boundary and uphold the set boundary.

[@Gleichtritt]

Laziness doesn't exist? Good way to lie to yourself I guess :D

[@rachaelm4573]

Do you have academic research to back up your 'laziness' belief?

[@Gleichtritt]

@@rachaelm4573 I don't have to, have that. SHE claims that it doesn't exist, so SHE has to prove that point. But I for sure have been just lazy at some point, simply just not wanting to do what I should. Thats a lack of disciplin and I am 100% sure, others do too.

[@hedgiegal3340]

You are so part of the problem, glad I don't know you.

[@Gleichtritt]

@@hedgiegal3340 i say that as a lazy person myself. But do whatever makes u feel better. If it works. That woman in the book literally put dirty dishes in trashbags. Thats just lazy. But I guess its the same people who promote "all bodies are beautiful" and "fat doesnt mean unhealthy" in fact I am glad to be part of the "problem". Better that lying to myself.

[@hedgiegal3340]

@@Gleichtritt doesn't it ever strike you that you are judgemental and mean? How would things be better if you treated yourself, and others, with kindness?