How to Keep Their Interest After the First Date (3 Things to Do)

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It’s normal to want to put our best selves forward on a first date . . . but sometimes this makes us hide who we really are. And that’s a shame, because someone may not see the real version of us-the one they’d want to see again and again.
So how do you create authentic attraction early on? What are the things you could do that would make someone excited for a second date with you? In today’s new video, I share 3 natural ways to get and keep someone’s interest on a first date and beyond.
I look forward to reading your comments!
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:12 - Our Tendency to Be on Guard
1:12 - 3:00 - The Importance of Polarity
3:00 - 5:00 - #1 Lead With Your Most Beautiful Energy
5:00 - 5:56 - Dating With Results
5:56 - 7:55 - #2 Show Your Vulnerability
7:55 - 9:57 - #3 Bring Out the Best in That Person
9:57 - 12:01 - Everybody Wants to Feel Needed
12:01 - 14:19 - Ed Catmull: The Importance of Being Given a Voice
14:19 - 14:58 - Quick Recap

[@maysteem]

1. Lead with your best energy 2. Show your vulnerability 3. Bring out the best in that person

[@meesamagill1193]

A date isnt an interview where you are giving them your CV. Connect and try to get to know THEM to see if you are interested in them, never mind trying to convince them of your worth

[@meesamagill1193]

Be interested, rather than worrying if you are interesting enough

[@StorytellingHeadshots]

Underrated advice! Gold. ⭐️

[@zero1188]

Vulnerability is very important. Gives the person a chance to deal with the real you instead of waiting until down the line and realizing they cant handle it

[@yaziibella6535]

The relationship coaching industry is filled with talented coaches, but you, dear Mathew, truly stand out as the best. We can't get enough of your insights

[@moonstruck562]

When I open up on a first date and let my vulnerability come out, I don't hear back from them. On the other hand, I'm kindda glad they remove themselves from the picture from the get go. That tells me they're not serious or not compatible.

[@incassable]

what do you mean with opening up ? Because I had a first date with a woman who told me straight away she exhausted 4 psychologists ... who would call her back ?? :D

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

Well, men who just want FWB only want a woman whom they do not have to deal with her strong emotions. I have heard the suggestion to open up about things, but dont give details and say I will tell you about that some other time. So you have opened up without opening up a can of worms. I am a personality who doesnt have a lot of issue with being honest and transparent, but same, I think for some its wayyyyy too much on a first date. We can open up to 30% rather than 100% as we also want the date to be someone who is worthy of our vulnerability, and that trust is built little by little over time

[@cristiana.carvalho]

Oh did I need these comments in my life. 👌🏼

[@RDKetch2201]

What’s your definition of vulnerability though? Is it trauma dumping? Is it just admitting when you feel anxious / tired?

[@apartment353]

The lit candle in the back was def an Audrey idea 😂

[@Dragonmoon8526]

It's similar to leading with your best self. You're not creating a false persona. You're making a greater effort. We're so scared of being judged by the other person that we adopt a persona that we belive will keep them interested in us. But, we're assuming a complete strangers perception of us based off gender and social exspectations. As was mentioned, find the healthy balance of being your best self without over compensating, giving to much, or holding everything back. Eaither they like you or they don't. That's why it's more important to focus more on them and determining if you feel you're comparable. Rather than focusing on whether or not you've made them like you. Or you successfully manipulated them into a second date.

[@MA-cc5oj]

Thanks so much for this.

[@m_hall]

One of your best videos. I think you hit the nail on the head. This conversation can be tricky when coming from a man about women softening up, especially when they have had past experiences being hurt or mistreated or mislead by men, but I think you brought a nuance and empathy here that's needed. Men want to feel needed as well, and thinking about how you can empower the other individual and bring out the best in each other is great

[@LiVeLaUgHLoVe437]

#3 really stood out to me because i was definitely under that belief not to "make myself smaller" to help someone else be comfortable, but your Steve Job's example is eye opening. I actually see it's how my principal at work is...he is the "Steve Jobs" of our school but i think he stands back to let other staff show their potential, who wouldn't feel comfortable showing their potential if he was just tooting his own horn instead. I have felt my marriage wasn't successful because i WAS always making myself small, so I've swung the opposite way now.... So, i really needed your message to know that i can be a bit of both!

[@b.johnny369]

Does anybody else say that you are the Harry Potter of Dating? Only a compliment :)

[@kellyannnoonan2674]

All the time lol😂. You should do a retreat, he has changed my life so much x

[@MetaPhysStore0770]

Yes!!! not practicle in the real world,ha

[@barkharani2693]

I have read these comments on many of Matt's videos that he resembles to Harry Potter 😂

[@ninaal2675]

Matt’s voice is like Daniel Radcliffe aka Harry Potter lol which is why I was attracted to his content yeearrs ago when he first began uploading on KZbin. ❤

[@annesereia9740]

Yaaaasssss❤

[@mihaelaadamita1900]

This hit me hard today. “A little grief that went unattended” 🥺. Subtle line between “feeling the feeling” and outpacing your loss with action. Would love a follow up on this nuance!

[@StacySanseverino]

This reminds me of the book “Multipliers”. Great leaders bring out the best in others and it makes them better.

[@tameharding32]

Love this. As a veteran of dating at age 54, and 11 yrs single, I need the reminders. Thanks Matt!

[@NakedTruthbyDrMelanie]

One of your best videos, Matthew. The 10min mark especially hit the nail on the head for me. ❤

[@snowmawmillz4580]

Very well said, I believe this type of content was very much needed.. live and let go , practice makes progress, let’s go! We all can make a difference ❤

[@graceclement5922]

You give three dimensional advice that makes one think about all the facets that goes into being a human being. Thank you. You remind one to be kind to oneself. Thank you.

[@jackiema3117]

Wonderful insights! Appreciate it, Matthew 😊 Embracing the concept of being someone others enjoy being around, allowing them to shine as their best selves-it all stems from genuine love and contributions. Love it! I didn’t know I was confused about being needy vs making someone feel needed. Your clarification is truly eye-opening. Grateful for the wisdom 💖🙏🏻

[@sandra336690]

Love having the recap!!

[@marksangria]

one of your best videos. this is Mark from CT. I'm going back to watch again

[@julievanzile2482]

I had the same issues after divorce. Trust is hard. I've just decided not to judge everyone based on someone else I hate to live in the anxiety of not trusting. I can push everyone away but I decided not to anymore

[@amandayorke481]

Amazingly, after all these years, I think your videos are beginning to stick, Matthew. I was at one of my go-to coffee shops yesterday, an open-air place by the sea. I asked a guy if I could sit at the end of his long, empty table, sheltered from the wind, with my coffee & newspaper. He welcomed me & we had a long chat. I was getting twitchy - I really just had wanted to sit & do the cryptic crossword, & instead found myself thinking that I needed to practice actively listening to this guy as per your suggestion in this video. I learned so much - that he was a dairy farmer & was game enough to discuss Plato - it felt a bit like a work-out, & at the end he rose & shook my hand, like we'd been speed-dating. (Maybe he has). Then a biker sat down - with a partner - & when I got up he said he hoped he hadn't put me off, so I said No, I used to have a bike - I boasted a little bit & told him I'd ridden solo right across Oz - I wouldn't have done that with the single guy after watching your video! Same thing happened a few weeks ago there when I saved a guy's little dog from being mauled by a bigger one, but at the time I was just too tired to respond to him, though I did wonder what you'd suggest. A second time he got me a coffee, sat down & seriously grilled me for personal info. It felt a bit over the top - I need more practice. Hope I don't run out of guys!

[@sailormoon5760]

Beautiful messages, thank you ❤

[@giannishen]

You did a really great job！ 謝謝分享, thanks a lot for sharing! 👍😄👏

[@olgaserebriakova]

this is a real higher level, especially for 3rd step, very into a point, thank you so much

[@manfredAnsel]

Yeah.. A great book..

[@mgee303]

I've learned to approach dating in the ways you mention. I wish it was reciprocated more often.

[@user-qe1hp7bn4w]

Excellent information 💕

[@songbirdsky]

In order to lead with your best energy one gotta get to this space first. To start liking themselves again.

[@victoriacherrington9936]

Happy Sunday Matthew & friends! 😊 Have an awesome blessed day! ❤

[@mundea]

Cheers Victoria, happy sunday to you too 😎

[@notyourophelia]

Can i say something funny😂 I used one of the line that you gave back in 2018 and it did wonderful yk it got me the guy, i dated him for 4 yrs. We broke it off last year. he remembered what i had said to him on first date until the end. dayumm he admitted it boosted his ego so much. But boy he turned out to be very insecure, emotionally closed off, he'd keep comparing himself with some other guys, made jokes about somebody else shortcoming, every conversation would turn into fight because he hated confrontation and tagged me as always trying to argue. Above all, im saying is use the tactics sparingly and be mindful or you just might end up only healing another soul for God knows how long. 😂

[@meesamagill1193]

What was the line????

[@gloooorz7595]

Dear i am very curious what line is it?. Can u share? I wanna try it too with the guy im gonna date 😅

[@priyankav9792]

😂😂😂

[@Nina-ur3ld]

Please share it with us​@@meesamagill1193

[@notyourophelia]

Can't quote the exact but it was like, "I feel so proud or happy rn that you're sitting here with me now instead of those girls at the back" 😂 it seems it makes them feel very wanted.

[@agasobczakwithbraveheart5675]

I agree with your points Matthew. I’m not entirely sure about the one about men feeling intimidated by women. Isn’t their lack of self-confidence or feeling worthy? If someone is intimidated by the fact e.g. that maybe I earn more than them, I’ve travelled quite a lot in life, I’ve lived abroad for many years etc. - what can I do about it? I ask questions with curiosity and genuinely want to get to know the guy more. I also appreciate things he shares that touch me. But I can’t change my life’s story or pretend that I’ve lived my whole life in this town and never developed 😉

[@hadiza1]

Sitting for this! 🥰❤️

[@victoriacherrington9936]

Great tips here! Thank you!!!

[@manfredAnsel]

How are you doing... You have a charming smile.. Hope you don't mind knowing each other..

[@incassable]

i ll tell you what you can do to be invited to the second date: look like your pictures 😅

[@kaoshi_kutie]

Yes 😂

[@timetraveler6949]

I get told I look better (and objectively do as Im not photogenic)....still rarely get a second date, just want to fuck. Then again Im bi and this is in the gay world...

[@peaceandlove4620]

LOL 😅😅😅😅 Sooo true

[@irinabuzduga9748]

Yes...M is the Harry Potter of dating! Magic!

[@consider.jennifer]

That was a great point Matthew with the ability to provide space for people to bring their best....I can't even imagine how long it took you guys to find a good metaphor for that and I think you nailed it. :)

[@burburchacha]

maybe with the help of ChatGPT4 🤣

[@BarlowJacob]

I've never felt intimidated or heard someone say someone else is intimidating but I've heard countless people say that others find them intimidating..

[@Sunnetje]

The pen pal text totally backfires with sigma males. They're so specific, making us woman looking toxic while we are just new to these type of men and the way they are. I come from toxic relationships and met this real sigma guy recently. I don't know how to fix our pure and deep connection bond since I belive i blew it.....maybe. please need your advice on the lone wolf/sigma.

[@Sunnetje]

Dear Matthew, your advise olny seems to work on the alpha male and all your advise doesn't seem to work on sigma male/ lone wolfs. Is it possible for you to get in that specific type of male please?

[@mrc3226]

If the man approached you and asked you on a date he already has interest

[@priyankav9792]

Not really...may be for few days or months...as mett says intention matters the most...not just attraction...it fades after few meetings or most of them just wanted to go on without committing

[@annamerey6735]

I guess that it has to do sometjing with selfworth as well. If I feel worthy enough I do not want to impress the other.

[@tmos56]

Do you have any for men’s channels you recommend, love your work!

[@rpotter99]

Check out Nick Notas

[@Sunnetje]

Can you please tell us how to interact with and restore or maintain a deep connection with the sigma male/ lone wolf?

[@savannahokeefe8411]

Could you please make videos on how ladies can flirt with their husband? And things of similar nature, for all the married women folk...

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

I will give you one thing to do : be yourself ❤😊

[@user-ds7yw2og1k]

How to know that he is your person?

[@bektiller1622]

Love this! Im also tired of hearing about feminine and masculine energy... i just am who i am. I think im mostly in my feminine, but thats where im also most vulnerable so i use humour, sarcasm, even silence to create a wall sometimes. I think ive accidentally offended enough people who dont know me lately ! God help the next man who comes into my life though.. he will have to be pretty switched on is all i can say! 😮

[@cinnamonlove8150]

You might say..“Fuck all this…” ah I just loved it! That’s me the past 10 years 😂 ! But I love all the beautiful advice. So well said 🙏

[@starkissed3878]

What do you do if he hasnt spoken to you for a week? You text him to check on him with a smily emoji 😊..? And he texted back with a hand wave 👋. What does that mean? My friend is going through this and has no idea what that means? Is it time for her to move on?

[@Openhearted2024]

Have her send a wavy hand back and move on

[@gilangignasraharjo6138]

Tried to do all 3, still no luck tho... is it me doing a bad job and not being the right person or have I just not met the right person to be with me?

[@user-fn9bn6gx4o]

It isn't to avoid feeling on the meeting

[@fiddah]

I love the story of the marriage of Rasul صلى الله عليه وسلم and Khadeejah رضي الله عنها. Khadeejah رضي الله عنها always supported her husband who is The Messenger of ALLAH صلى الله عليه وسلم until she was made to leave this world and she entered the life of the Barzakh. الحَمدُ لله على كل حال . She never nagged, she never complained to her husband . She helped him when she could, الحَمدُ لله . She cared for him. She would prepare meals for him. She would listen to him. الحَمدُ لله . Khadeejah رضي الله عنها was a businesswoman and after she got married to Rasul صلى الله عليه وسلم , she focused on taking care of their home . Rasul صلى الله عليه وسلم never had any competition with her. Rasul صلى الله عليه وسلم loved her dearly and never married any other woman until she tasted death. الحَمدُ لله على كل حال . Nowadays a lot of men tend to aggressively compete with women. They feel inferior if a woman is well spoken etc. We don’t need that insecure mindset. Do read the Qur’an 🌹

[@satkartarkhalsa1891]

Is the Love Life club just for women or can men join as well?

[@bianca-mhteam6237]

Men are absolutely welcome to join as well! -Bianca, MH team

[@rpotter99]

What we need is Matt to make a dating app where men and women have to pass a course before they can match

[@erikalalalaaa564]

I ❤️ Pixar

[@kayla-ud3ug]

A date whats that lol . I would love to go out on a date :/

[@macaronrouge2468]

Hello , i like you vidéo and your books but I dare say that you are talking about a mature sort of men we never met ! I'm quiet a gifted educated sexy girl and open minded enough to value the person and not the CV but the guys around here don't understand my interest because for them I am too intelligent and to educated to fit with them. I suppose they feel Inferiors even if for me their hobbies or abilities are amazing too ! I told them but...and I can't move from this rural area till 5 years at least. On the big cities where i were , if the guy is gifted / cultivated he wants a better match for him, more young women for example...etc. It's nice to say that authenticity is the best to meet people but the problem is there is not so much authentic people to meet !!

[@amiramahgoub]

I'm tired of seeing them flipping😢

[@matthewharrigan3568]

Most of the time, when a guy says you're intimidating, he doesn't actually mean it. Instead, he just thought you weren't attractive, for whatever reason, and didn’t want to tell you that.

[@23456JY]

@thematthewhussey I am a Cancerian. I have met a guy last week for the first time, and he is a Scorpio. It was love at first sight. After getting to know him better I know he is very compatible with me. But because what he was interested in speaking about is all about his research work, he then rejected me because he told me it felt like a colleague-colleague conversation, and nothing more. How can I tell him I do not just want to be friends, I want to continue to date him outside of work context.(we work in the same institution although we met on a dating app). I felt he hasn’t seen the feminine side of me yet, I merely showed interest in the work conversation because I saw he seemed to really like it. Is there a way to fix this? Helps! 😢

[@ElderTimes]

As a guy, your best shot is to simply show up authentically….. as your best self. Send him this comment without editing it, and don’t attach to the outcome or try and control/influence the results….. they aren’t up to you. Too, for all you know, he’s doing you a favor by not reacting & responding the way you want him to. Regardless, the outcome will be….. the best possible outcome, even though it may be in disguise🙂

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

I would let him know you are interested in connecting again, and your dating intentions. The thing is a lot of men only want FWB, so best to not even start with a guy who wants that if you want more

[@hadiza1]

"bring out the best in that person"... Preach! 🤍👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@lb2696]

That is a beautiful way to be. I really want to work on that in my life.