How To Know If You're In Love

A topic Gabe is absolutely thrilled for lol
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[@katefights]

“There is really no way to determine if you are in love.” I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard someone say this, and it’s really comforting.

[@caldas4mariana]

Came for the beauty tips for babies and stayed for the nuanced discussion on love and what it means to love, be loved and be in love. I personally just know if I’m in love when I catch myself thinking about and wanting to talk to the other person. If it’s mutual, I’d rather talk about it and learn as the relationship progresses.

[@ruledbyvenusss]

i’ve had friendships where saying we loved each other felt very real and authentic and important and i’ve been in friendships where it absolutely is just a way of saying an affectionate goodbye. the same words do really feel so different coming from different people.

[@maybe8029]

allison’s definition of “it’s love if you feel like you’re going to accidentally say it all the time” is exactly my experience of it, so funny how people are all just out here experiencing the same feelings all the time

[@aperson3800]

since getting out of my abusive relationship, I have been blossoming socially & have had several beautiful friend love declaration moments💘

[@jw844]

I really appreciated the ROCD disclaimer here! Its something I've worked on a lot since reading Allison's great "Overthinking about you" book and finally having a word for it! At times when the symptoms were impacting me a lot I have focused and ruminated on what is love? is it enough? how can I measure it? in ways that took up weeks. But in moderation and when feeling better the question is really interesting

[@1blueyedgirl1]

Thank you for bringing up ROCD here, before healing I would panic if I didn’t match every single thing someone told me about being in love.

[@PopcornEmma]

allison’s nails are stunning in this video

[@rowanketcheson]

i think what it comes down to is that we get to define our own experiences. we can recognize that different kinds of love feel different and serve different purposes, and we get to decide which loves we prioritize and nurture. ive been in relationships where we just had fundamentally different ideas of love - i felt something was missing because i value a certain feeling, but for them our love satisfied their need. much to think on lol

[@Zoro-IX]

I kept subscribed to this channel but haven’t seen videos in a few years… so my reaction to this video: WHAT THE HECK. Gabe?!? Woahhh 😂 congrats

[@stacylitwin1466]

I think people put way too much pressure on love as a concept, I love every single friend and close family member I have, but that doesn't mean there's any sort of expectation to show that love in a certain way. The way I express my love for each person is extremely individual, not just depending on what bucket they're in (like friend, lover, family, etc)

[@tinywitchhazel]

I tend to take a while to genuinely say “I love you” to a friend, I’m a bit less serious about it than I used to be since our society uses the word casually at times (I remember in high school I would just say “thank you” when friends said it to me), but I try to consciously say it to people when I really feel it. P.S. I really like both of your shirts! Great colors and textures

[@boondogglebooks]

My most controversial hot take is I truly do not think you can be in love with someone romantically unrequitedly. I just have never spoken with someone with "unrequited love" that wasn't unhealthy in some capacity either for themselves or the person they are in love with. I think requited love is healing and healthy, and it just reminds me of that poet who had a crush on a married woman in church and his absolute obsession with her was so unhealthy.

[@violetgoesshopping]

which poet?

[@TheRaquelephant]

What about if you're in a relationship and one person falls out of love - do you think the other person can still love them unrequitedly?

[@boondogglebooks]

@@violetgoesshopping Petrarch

[@boondogglebooks]

@@TheRaquelephant I'm not sure, I feel like after a certain point after the breakup the person isn't the same as when you were dating them, and you don't really love them you loved the past them and you reminisce of what there was

[@sokknica]

Alison's facial expression at 11:46 😂 love it! It should become a reaction gif!

[@bproch319]

Just here to say I really like both of their shirts

[@ellejones90]

I am a person who makes a declaration of love to my new friends when it feels like the right time to share that. It has been reciprocated most times. Also like Allison, I'm a woman and though most of my friends are women one of my closest friends is a guy and I have been friends with him for over a decade and love him very much but almost never say it.

[@verkanntoderverwunschen]

oh NO the how does this love differ discussion stage, that soothes me if i find it in music! and the please don‘t calculate out this love and searches for love that i acquainted you in when it fuels arguments i‘ll never get to make. such a twisted situation. uGH dead horse that doesn‘t feel dead!

[@geosndrsn]

really love these weekly videos! i never kept up with the podcast because i cant really pay atencion for lthat long, so i aopreciate these

[@abbypierce4196]

I've been very lucky to have multiple long lasting friendships despite distance/time where we always say I love you when we leave and it feels authentic/meaningful.

[@poeticposturing3850]

There are "rules" that restrict saying I love you to someone you find attractive, but is in a romantic relationship with someone else. In this culture, it seems like it's all or nothing. and that sucks.

[@FrostedCreations]

I think personally I would define love as knowing you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, assuming circumstances don't change and everyone behaves the same. I also think it's a flaw of the English language that "relationship love", "unrequited love" and "friend love" all use the same word. Many languages use different words or ways of saying these concepts, which I would imagine makes things easier.

[@IvyCheang]

I feel like we are lacking in language to talk about different types of love. I think that even romantic love feels different over time. It's more passionate early on and turns into a low hum that you have to not take for granted later, like burning coal.

[@Katrina13J]

I REALLY like that Allison said you know you love someone if you feel the urge to say it, because that’s actually the only definition that has jived with my brain at all. Of course that doesn’t help me fundamentally understand love, but oh well. I’m grey-aroace and neurodivergent, so it’s all pretty confusing to me. I only feel the urge to say “I love you” to my cats. I don’t know how to feel that toward humans. I never feel the urge to say “I love you” to friends or family. I did feel it with my first romantic partner back 13 years ago, but it’s weird because after we broke up, I didn’t even remotely like him anymore. At this point am I even capable of feeling any sort of love toward a human? I don’t know. I think I probably would if I had a kid, but I’m definitely not in the position to feasibly have a kid. 🤷‍♀️

[@Katrina13J]

I also liked when Gabe responded “really? Wild!” when Allison was saying she feels in love with her spouse every day, because it’s interesting to see how other people may be capable of feeling things so differently!

[@Plottoberry]

You are not alone! I feel love towards friends after I've known them for some years. With romantic partners, I don't know. I think I was in love with my ex girlfriend but that wasnt mutual. I'm not safely attached at all, so maybe I was in love because I know she didnt like me as much as I liked her? I also think I'm grey romantic actually. I like being in a relationship and I feel love for people, but in love...?

[@legendaryboss54]

Idk about love but I know I’m really serious about someone when I wanna give them a bath when they’re sick. Like if I can envision taking off their clothes in a non sexual manner, caring about their comfort, making them food, caring about their well being.

[@dr2eamie]

i forgot how much i love you guys and how much i missed the podcast :((

[@Reeseskitty]

Love you both!! ❤

[@alissa6380]

i don't have a ton of experience being in love, but my current abstract thoughts about it are: 1) infatuation is when you're excited about this person and how they enhance your life (e.g. they make you laugh, they bring you joy, they take such good care of you, etc.), 2) love is when you deeply care about their well-being independent of their role in your life (like with that example of wanting what's best for them even if it means being in a relationship with someone else, not you, but it doesn't have to be that sacrificing, it can just be that you get joy from their joy) and finally, 3) being 'in love' is when both are true and fairly in balance i also think that you can't *really* fall in love by yourself. you can definitely be infatuated, and you can have an abstract love for them as in "i wish them the best", but apart from parents and their children, i think you need to really know someone in order for that deep connection to happen, and you can't really know someone unless they're intimate and vulnerable with you, and that doesn't really tend to happen if both people aren't on the same page. (you can also definitely have a situation where one person has fallen out of love while the other person is still *in* love, but for the falling itself i do think you need two people or else it's not really love, just a romanticized idea of what love is)

[@MisterPineappleMan]

I was refreshing the page waiting for this video

[@jw844]

Theres an online quiz indicator based on the work of love and like Dr. Zick Rubin that can be interesting to consider

[@j.t.rhoads7658]

I also think we can misinterpret different types of love. I love my best friend and before I had that relationship I had never loved a friend as much and I at first thought it was romantic simply because I had not felt that feeling before platonically

[@megan1026]

i had never said i love you to a friend or even thought to growing up, i think as a lesbian even with other queer friends it always felt too intense to say. but now two of my best friends are a gay man and a straight woman and we say love you casually and also more meaningfully all the time. at this point i could say it to a queer friend but with most of my longtime friends it's just not something we say directly

[@aaran2329]

Holy shit why is Gabe expressing all my thoughts about being in love. Are we the same person

[@bluebear4452]

Neeeed Allison and gabe to do a book review of all about love by bell hooks

[@tgirlberra]

every time I see a new video I press like immediately as a thank you to Gabe for getting progressively hotter

[@maxq96]

when you make new friends, do you have to fully know someone to say "I love you" or can you say it knowing you want to learn more about the person?

[@saggguy7]

Hot take: you can never actually fully know someone

[@morganabananabug]

alison i love that tank top!!

[@summertime.2333]

I’m also a lovvveerrrrr and I wish I haven’t loved a lot more.

[@lucmo13]

have you guys watched the twin flame universe doc

[@TheKelliestKelly]

I'm definitely really in love- with Just Between Us 😉

[@marieluise6907]

🤍🤍🤍

[@bedsaidalopez394]

Hi 🙌🏻

[@skycmusic]

How am I first to this lol

[@grimbi2288]

is that dog dead?

[@billhull6842]

Allison's love doesn't count. A few years ago she said she wasn't going to date until October. But she got a boyfriend in like July or August. lol Also you were talking about how "I love you" can mean different things. Research this course. Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. He will talk about love & respect in a relationship. Girls hear things through pink earphones and guys hear things through blue earphones. When a girl says she has nothing to wear that means she has to go shopping for clothes. When a guy says I have nothing to wear that means the clothes are dirty. The same line interpreted differently. You have to know what way to interrupt the line. I also miss the skit videos that you us to do. You should bring them back.

[@carysbebard3690]

What a horrible thing to say to someone you're a fan of

[@Plottoberry]

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