How to Leave Religion Behind Without Regret

[@ramonmuniz8439]

Religion is a very heavy chain to carry, it feels so good to see the world as it really is.

[@soulrebelaz]

All of this would of been so helpful for me 3 years ago when I left a high control religious group. Some great takeaways at this point in my deconstruction as well.

[@MisguidedPassenger]

I want to express my deepest gratitude for the incredible insight and guidance you’ve provided me!Your support has been transformative, and I truly appreciate the care and expertise you brought to our session. Congratulations on all the wonderful work you continue to do-your impact is immeasurable, and I’m so lucky to have crossed paths.

[@mark.guitar]

Just got your book for Christmas. Ironic huh! I'm in the middle of the mourning wasting more than 3 decades on fundamentalism at the moment. Saying goodbye to people that I was convinced that I would have an eternity to catch up with. This is not easy. Keep the videos coming please!

[@Aaron-Hatefi]

These videos are so good that when I’m sick and tired of videos I still listen to yours

[@harounkola]

Thanks for this video. I'm in my early 50s now and started leaving religion in my 20s but with points like these, I think it will be easier for young ones to leave religion behind instead of the decades of cognitive dissonance. The fear factor was a huge issue to overcome.

[@hugomartinez8846]

You're so well articulate, so beautiful, so intelligent, so educated. It's comforting watching your videos

[@cjshine7984]

This is such a mature way to deconstruct and rebuild. I wish I had your videos years ago.

[@LauraOttawa]

There's so much valuable wisdom in this video! I was nodding almost the whole time!

[@LauraOttawa]

Your definition of the word "spirituality" as "connection and awe" -- that's the first definition I've heard that has resonated with me.

[@Edgarbopp]

I miss having a ready made community. Wish we had a “First Humanists of Georgetown” and “New Reformed Skeptics” on every other corner. 😂

[@brightargyle8950]

While I partially agree with the ready made community thing I also find it problematic when that while community could turn its back on you if you go against the accepted norm in that group. I always felt like the communities love and support was entirely conditional. You're only part of that community so long as you toe the line.

[@Edgarbopp]

@ fair. Though I feel like a healthy community would leave room for some amount of disagreement. So I guess I’m imagining a community like that.

[@jenna2431]

Coming out I really felt the gravitational pull of community. I was 60+ coming out and finding my tribe was really hard and really sad at times. I tried a UU church as maybe the most dilute, but the church environment was still triggering. Ultimately I have joined an intergenerational community orchestra that I love and am branching out into music direction.

[@8thdayindependentfundament454]

Preyz Gord for this wisdom and discernment

[@latenitehvac868]

Connection to a few authentic people is worth way more then a building filled with fake people that build their lives on lies

[@biashacker]

Religion is probably one of the hardest things to shake. You will lose so many relationships and so many social bonds tether you to faith without you even knowing it. It is like kicking an addiction.

[@kathrynclass2915]

Thanks for this episode. I’m finding that I’ve done a lot of work but have more to do. Your point about awe is something I need to work on. A lot of awe feels spiritual which gives me the ick. BUT I have awe about how our family got where we are outside of the church and it makes me happy. I have awe that my kids can swear they most profane words in my presence and tell me about parts of their lives that they wouldn’t have experienced (or told me about if they had) due to the religion and the fear of losing my eternal family, and I laugh when they swear and I rejoice in their experiences rather than being sad, fearful, and suspicious. They ask me if my laugh is an uncomfortable laugh when they swear and I get to tell them “no! It makes my heart happy that you feel so free to be expressive and don’t fear judgement from me” Judgement before is a lot of what I was doing and I thought it was love because I was always kind and compassionate… and worried for their eternal salvation. I didn’t see the judgement. So yeah, I would like to expand my awe to include things that I can change about myself to make my life more in line with what I want to do and not be locked up regarding swearing and other things. I’m slowly picking it apart, like I’ve tried a cocktail now and a beer. I let myself express my opinions more and more and I express wants and expectations. These are all ways that I’ve discarded the religious rules and patriarchy I grew up with. I’m trying to be more in my body because I’m in my head and prized intellect a lot more than physical pleasure and strength. Due to the beliefs I held, I ignored my body as a way of achieving the utmost in spirituality thru demonstrating self control. Not letting my natural body be because according to scripture the natural man is an enemy to god. I missed out on a lot of awe (and I don’t just mean sexually) so I’m working on that this year and will continue in 2025

[@barrypitzer130]

Another great presentation. Please continue your essential work and Stay Well.

[@latenitehvac868]

Thank you

[@Carolainah]

Hello from Ensenada, Baja California. I appreciate your wisdom to me. I'm hearing you. Thank you. Have an awesome 2025🎉

[@FoursWithin]

Loyalty is a core value of mine. Loyalty to not lying to myself. Loyalty to truth seeking. Loyalty to staying in reality. Loyalty to lies and fairytale narratives ,in my opinion, isn't loyalty it's self deception.

[@nononsensespirituality]

@@FoursWithin loyalty to your people can be a strength in some circumstances

[@FoursWithin]

@nononsensespirituality I agree. I actually love being loyal to my people. Even to my fave KZbinrs. Sometimes though I have to step away for New Years resolutions.

[@unknownx7252]

Very informative

[@tofersiefken]

Thanks for sharing.

[@maxipaw-dc5xj]

I left Christianity 10 years ago after 40 years of Christianity. Best decision I've ever made.

[@kevincraig9704]

I grew up in a fundamentalist environment. My deconstruction took place from my mid to late teens until my mid fifties, and I went through none of these steps. I started out questioning religion/god, then moved to rationalizing them. I tried for thirty years to come up with a rational god, and made up more of them than I can shake a stick at. Eventually I realized what I looked for didn't exist, and didn't even hear the term 'deconstruction' for most of a decade after I realized I'm an atheist. This is NOT to discount the information in this video. I can see how this could be very helpful for people, and probably most people who have abandoned religion and gods. I less deconstructed and more oozed slowly into atheism.

[@Groovinmegzz]

I really appreciate the clarity you bring to the messy process of deconstruction. It’s so important to have guides who can help navigate the chaos that comes with questioning deeply held beliefs. That said, I’ve been reflecting on Jonathan Haidt’s The Righteous Mind and how it highlights that morality binds and blinds. While New Atheism offers valuable critiques of religion, it sometimes feels like it falls into its own form of dogmatism, especially with ideas like denying free will or woke ideology. Haidt’s work makes me wonder if the denial of free will oversimplifies human experience, reducing the richness of moral and philosophical questions to mere materialism. Deconstruction is liberating, but does it leave enough room for constructing something meaningful afterward? How do we balance rejecting superstition without losing the structures and values that give life purpose?

[@TheSaintelias]

My wife and I are realizing we don’t have as many “friends” as we thought we had. Relationships are an inch deep in church. Just test them and you will realize this. So leaving will be easier.

[@little_threads_of_grace]

I never felt solidarity in church when performing "rituals" (the mass is really just a big ritual where the congregation participates to some extent) but I did feel a lot of judgment. Did I know all the words? Did I say them right? Was I singing properly? Did I kneel or stand or sit at the right times? Did I cross myself right? Did I dip the right finger into the holy water dish? Did I genuflect low and long enough? Always judgment, never relaxation or peace. Then the stigma of NOT going up for the eucharist, the mental stress of wondering if you're worthy that week to partake, etc., then HOW you partake (on the tongue, kneeling, in the hand, etc). Spirituality shouldn't be stressful! Every podcast, every video, every talk show was about how you're doing something wrong if you're doing XYZ and it was always about controlling thoughts and behaviors. I keep my spirituality at home. I have statues of the Virgin Mary and Guanyin in my room. I pray to the divine feminine. I light candles. Sometimes I may pray a rosary. But I have to remind myself that connecting spiritually to someone or something shouldn't be coerced or forced. I realize these fears of hell and damnation wouldn't exist without the church structure and the booming voices of pastors and priests. It is NOT natural, it is not naturally observable in the physical universe. It's an idea used to control people.

[@acatssoftnose3940]

Here is what I still suffer from. I want to write them out as KZbin is kind of like therapy for me. Also, maybe it'll help someone out there get a sense of what they may be suffering from: - the fear of boredom - I can't stand a life without pursuing something, both intellectually and career-wise. All I really enjoy as of now is secularizing the best insights of religion for a post-religious life, e.g., meditating to rest in a near thought-less experience of mind vs. to escape samsara, or collecting the prettiest verses of the Bible that don't mention God. - the inability to rest in uncertainty - it seems as if all I can do is read and learn to develop a more accurate picture of reality. Yet, I feel bugged by this. I don't know how to do this. I tend to rest in my philosophical sketches vs. the fact of uncertainty. - guilt and shame from missing my kinder, religious self - I was a better person when I was religious. Now, I'm vulgar mouthed and angry. I deeply miss being sweet. THIS IS MY BIGGEST SOURCE OF SUFFERING. Part of me still yearns to find a way to become sweet and kind again. - my love for ritual, magic, the mystical - writing poetry/poetically is the closest thing to writing a spell, or creating a situation in which a person can experience something magic-inducing. These days, I've replaced prayer with monologuing to myself, and I've picked up meditation. I feel that there is something beautifully sacred in maintaining good posture, breath, and concentration to rest in "thought-less" experience. Also, the joy of talking out loud as if I were talking to someone feels like a prayer or love letter to conversation itself - and the joy another's company and attentiveness can bring.

[@sun1one1]

Unitarian Universalism worked for me as a church you can "just walk into" and find community. It has its flaws, but dogma isn't one of them.

[@nononsensespirituality]

@@sun1one1 it operates more as a political religion over a theological one

[@emmatessier600]

How is there no dogma in universalism? The dogma is that salvation is for everyone...

[@sun1one1]

@@emmatessier600 Unitarian Universalism is a separate religion from Universalism and is not a Christian sect anymore.

[@sun1one1]

@@nononsensespirituality I guess you could put it that way. I would say that it is based on values rather than beliefs.

[@LauraOttawa]

If religious people are happy and at peace being religious, I don't understand why they'd want to click on a video like this, let alone comment on it. They can just continue enjoying their religious activities. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@latenitehvac868]

Do you have books to get started on any of this?

[@ohhisav3651]

Hi! Can you make a video about reconnecting to the body?

[@cadamham]

I feat an entire society of nihilism and moral relativism that Nietzsche and Dostoyevsky predicted. I don’t fear an individual ethical atheist living within a Christian society

[@lilafeldman8630]

You should read the book "Scattershot" by David Lovelace. It's a memoir, and a great picture of the overlap of mental health and trauma and religion, and spiritual psychosis as well.

[@timothyrogers1964]

I’m in my early 60s. I never questioned any of my Christian beliefs until I started researching Calvinism vs free will. From there I learned the gospels are anonymous. From there the blinders came off. My problem is my wife who is a very very very devout fundamentalist Christian. She knows I have doubts but not the full extent of my deconstruction. How do I proceed?

[@LifeAfterBelief]

Who do you recommend or what resources do you recommend for the inner child work?

[@vivianriver6450]

I attended a religious school, and I think it was around the tender age of 11 or so, I saw a Hollywood film depiction of the story of Moses, and I remember being quite moved by a scene in which they depicted a man being pelted to death with rocks for gathering wood on Saturday, and that might have been the first moment I felt doubt about my "faith". It was around the same time that I experienced George Carlin's "Religion is Bullshit" discourse in which he highlighted the absurdity of a "loving" god torturing people forever. I've known that empathy and compassion and truth-seeking have been core values of mine for a very long time, and perhaps my anti-authoritarianism springs from my early experiences as a neurodivergent child bewildered by the neurotypical adults in "authority" positions who criticized and punished me. Fuck those people 🙂 Also, I've been reading *Wild Mercy* that you've extensively quoted and I've been thrilled with the variety of perspectives that it has exposed me to, so thanks for this recommendation!

[@rodb66]

What are your thoughts on affirmations in lieu of prayer? Personally, neither have really gotten me my desires but they've become rituals now

[@LifeAfterBelief]

Who do you recommend or what resources do you recommend for the inner child work? Edited - never mind I should’ve listened to the whole video. It sounds like you’ve got resources on your website that I’ll check out. Thanks.

[@mrsmax3071]

How do you "build community"? I see these words thrown around all the time like it's so easy to do....

[@thewayiseeit8766]

Your “fear of boredom”… sooo poignant. I used to stay awake at night fearing eternity - not torment, just existence. So comforting to know there’s no afterlife to bore/torment us. If I was ever offered an afterlife, I’d have conditions and demand a lot of information.

[@EarnestApostate]

I can definitely say that mouning God was important. It sucked, and I can only imagine how my believing wife felt comforting me, but it felt every bit as real of mourning as any relative I have lost. As you said, the mind is bad at telling reality from imagination.

[@Justin_Beaver564]

What is your opinion on Objectivist style atheism?

[@Chriliman]

I still think there’s room after deconstruction/deconversion from Christianity to believe in some kind of immortality that shows all the false things about all religions and shows all the beauty and truth in life.

[@jonmeador8637]

Check out Ethical Culture.

[@TheSaintelias]

I have to watch your problem with Polar Express?? Way fun movie. Yes Santa isn’t real😂😂😂

[@CommonSense_Skeptic]

seems like you're still having a very hard time coping with losing your religion. I'm lucky in that although I was willing to die for a Christian faith for 40 years I didn't really know what was in the Bible and we very rarely went to church So once I did start attending church regularly when I was about 37 or 38 I found out what was actually in it and that led to lots of moral questions about the Old Testament God.. that the pastors at my church and a few other pastors in town I met with couldn't answer, so I told my church I was gonna take a hiatus and do some studying myself And within six months the floor already fell out from underneath me and I was 100% an atheist, there's no going back because I can't change reality to make those god's real I had no desire to be an atheist never even knew it possible yet here I am. Hell I even made and kept a seven year celibacy covenant with God after I had a child out of wedlock thinking about generational punishment and how God could hurt my kid for it) Luckily I've never been much of an emotional person so switching from Christianity to atheism was like flipping a switch, had to rethink a few things "social issues"but that's about it (I was actually relieved in that obviously this God isn't gonna ever punish my kid for my sins because the God doesn't exist. So it was easy Peezy for me to walk away

[@kevindavis4709]

The reason I’m here I got tired of hearing a Christian say. Pray talk to God about your problems things weighing on your mind. Yet that same person wants me too listen to them talk about their problems with their spouse family member friend I’m like why can’t you take York own advice?

[@pegefounder]

Permanent advertising endorsement of atheism, a zero theistic religion.

[@BenjaminWaggoner12]

Who was the brain rewiring woman from Harvard?

[@nononsensespirituality]

@@BenjaminWaggoner12 Kara lowenthial

[@paulfontaine288]

Eternity is a long time to be wrong about Jesus

[@nononsensespirituality]

@@paulfontaine288 eternity is a long time for a god to torture you for not being worshipped like a narcissist.

[@SopranoJoan]

​@@nononsensespiritualityagreed! Pascal might have viewed his wager as a solution (and I did too), but I now see it as a trap that acts like a thought stopping cliché. Once you agree to the wager you forfeit your agency to the religion.

[@AmandaDavis-g8p]

The truth is is that love want send you to an eternity of punishment without a better chance of remission one lifetime isnt enough. then being all knowing he shouldn't forget you and an infinite being should have more purpose for creating the world then just picking a certain group of people to be saved from eternal torture.ive even watched alot of Near death experiences that they say they saw the source the light but learned religion especially Christianity is wrong.and most of them leave organized religion after a Near death experience. But I still don't know everything but I know the Christian religion Is wrong dew to facts from archeology and scholars and historians.

[@paulfontaine288]

@@AmandaDavis-g8p I will pray for you

[@GENESIS-3]

No one needs to be an atheist to not being a religious person. God is not religious - so He doesn’t want you to be one either.

[@emmatessier600]

God is not a worshipper of God so He doesn't want you to be one either. God doesn't read the bible so he doesn't want you to either. God doesn't write KZbin comments so He doesn't want you to either.

[@N1IA-4]

The title alone shows complete ignorance, as well as the channel name. "Spirituality" is only a code name for all things trendy in 2024. But in ancient times spirituality, religion, and the Catholic Church were all one. They have existed for over 2000 years, attacked by Islamic invaders, attacked by tyrants, attacked by secularism, and attacked by ignorant souls. The Catholic Church will never ever be extinguished. You can wish away religion all you like, but those are historical facts. God is real, and we can know for sure what He wants of us. Like the Bible clearly states, "a fool says there is no God"

[@AarmOZ84]

Your comment turned me into a believer! I was so certain that religion was false due to a severe lack of evidence, but your random and directionless rant completely caught me off guard. Normally, believers provide me with sound arguments backed by evidence and you are the only directionless rant defending any religion on KZbin so you must be correct by default. 😮

[@nononsensespirituality]

@@AarmOZ84 I’m too tired to address the 50 problems in that response so thanks for that

[@ryngrd1]

🔥 Mathematical truth exists. Timeless, spaceless, and immaterial. Logical. Infinitely beautiful. Moral truth exists. Timeless, spaceless, and immaterial. Logical. Infinitely beautiful. Athiesm is immoral. Jesus came to bring light to this dark world. Amen 🔥😇🙏🕯️✝️👑🎄♾️🌲😇🔥

[@MisguidedPassenger]

No he didn’t.

[@ryngrd1]

​@@MisguidedPassengerHe most certainly did 😇🙏

[@raycaster4398]

Jesus was a man, a misguided apocalyptic preacher who took his anti-Roman nationalist politics a bit too far. Jesus the Christ is an entirely man-concocted character not based in reality and of no import.

[@ryngrd1]

​@@raycaster4398nope. Not true. 🙏😇

[@raycaster4398]

@ryngrd1 What did Jesus look like? What did he write in the Bible? Why did he lie to his cherished apostles that God's kingdom was on nigh, yet none of his apostles saw that Kingdom? Instead they died horribly violent and/or ignoble deaths!