How To Leave The Narcissist (The Easy Way)

[@brightstar4321]

“It is never your responsibility to resolve another adult human being’s trauma for them.” ~RVG 🦾🦾

[@locaitaliana]

BRAVO 🌹🌹🌹WELL SAID! 👏👏👏

[@Turin_Turumba]

So true, and liberating

[@melodysanquist4834]

Their enablers want us to believe it’s on us to, “Be the bigger person “.

[@user-rt7xw7dj7u]

It isn't. But thanks to those, who tried to help. 😊

[@locaitaliana]

Simplicity. If you want to leave the narcissist, you have to change one thing. YOURSELF. That’s the answer ✌🏽💯

[@nyabungu]

This format is nice. No contact reduces the narcissist and they become irrelevant.

[@morganophelia5963]

I think the wording "torturing" the narcissist sounds narcissistic in itself, and it should NOT be the goal in my mind to want to "get back" at them it should just be I'm carrying on and leaving for myself not to hurt you plus sometimes they can make it hard to leave ..i know you didn't say that it's just some thoughts and he had a video that said that one time

[@CynthiaAva]

I didn't want to give up the dream/fantasy. It was better than my reality and it finally "felt" like I was loved and "seen." The destruction of it all was too much for me to admit...and then we had a child, which made it that much more solidified. It's been years of healing and work to unwind from it all.

[@ham3158]

Same

[@LoraineMayes]

I'm 6 children and 3 husbands in along with multiple incideous boyfriends. All because I was molested so many multiple times as a baby and a child. I had no freaking idea about boundaries, self worth or boundaries. I'm actually an extremely smart self driven, constant student, humble, loving, empathetic, positive person!...I love every one! I'm a house painting contractor, so I work my ASS off in a "man's field"...yet I have fallen into this same scenario for my entire adult life. I'm over it. I'm not a victim. My name literally means "made famous in battle". I'm a mother fucking warrior. I love your wisdom. Thank you for your action to fulfill your purpose...the work and diligence that you busted ass to receive, and the follow through to share it with the world. I appreciate your work beyond measure.

[@emmas3716]

Nice painting my brother does that. I'm useless I just look at a paint brush and it all goes wrong. Much respect. At least you are taking responsibility for your own work life. ​@@LoraineMayes

[@jasnanelson912]

I wish you were wrong about everything you just said, but you're not. Every word resonates. I'm glad I'm not alone in this world experiencing this, let alone thinking I'm crazy, but it's still doesn't feel good.

[@FrenchWordsmith-wh9zn]

I have been discarded by my partner of 25 years. The day after my birthday in November. We have a home together.he owns 30%. I am in a dreadful mental state of deep anxiety as I have to interact with him regarding the sale of the house and he regularly comes to the house as it needs work to get it ready for selling. My business has hit the floor due to looking after him for two years prior to his discard when he was diagnosed with depression. He has been verbally aggressive for many years and it has turned to narcissistic rage. I am stuck with him and so can't go no contact. I am scared to death and on the verge of a breakdown. I am depressed and have lost all confidence and self esteem. I always feel OMG what now, what fresh hell is this when he sends his regular nasty screwed up text messages or emails or just turns up at the house and walks in. I know I need to find someone to rent but also have a mortgage to pay with him. My life has fallen apart and I can't get out of this hell. Has anyone got some ideas to cope

[@bluecandymsp]

I'm so sorry you're enduring so much pain after being heartlessly discarded by your ex. I've been there 😢💔 Please take care of yourself first. Can I suggest going to your GP/doctor & telling them about the anxiety etc & get a referral to a counsellor/therapist, someone trustworthy you can talk to. Regarding the financial/legal aspects, please get a lawyer/solicitor to advise you. I'd strongly suggest you only have contact with your ex through your legal representative. You don't have to read or reply to any emails or texts he sends you. You certainly don't have to let him through your door. Change the locks? Save yourself. Be very kind & gentle with yourself. You deserve to always be treated with kindness & respect. You're not alone & it does get better ❤

[@castiron2932]

Try a 12 step fellowship. Coda or alanon. I'm a member of AA I was deep in the trauma bond eight months ago working the steps, meetings, talking with others saved me. I treated my narcissistic relationship like an addiction. God saved me

[@jackiepowell7513]

​@castiron2932 hey hey! On that.

[@merin797]

Richard, I finally got to the place where the “box” of being able to communicate about ANYthing became smaller and smaller until there was zero to be able to share without sadistic child-like gaslighting responses from the narc. Of course my reactions to what he was dishing out, were my fault, and left me with no place to go. Glad this happened because I am coming back to myself, my standards and those who really love me, and who show it unconditionally and consistently. Thank God I found my stepping stone off of this toxic fantasy. What he does from now on is none of my business. I’m moving to another country and I’m going to be the best great aunt, cousin I can be, surrounded by love and GIVING love. That is what the narc is missing. True love, which comes from understanding what others need. (My) narc clearly has had no sense of community and therefore can not give nor receive love. Therefore there is no exchange. I want to grow, learn, give, make mistakes, not be intimidated by the “muddyness” of life. The “mud” is neccessary, and not to be feared. Narcs can’t do that. They fear it and will not accept it. I have had the same thought about how I want to spend the remaining life I have left. After all, I will be dead for a long long LONG time! When I feel intimidated by something, I push myself toward it. Why not? Thanks for all you do Richard!❤

[@MW-bv3wu]

I'm going to start a band, just so I can name it Locus of Control.

[@Muzzy2024]

I’ve been trying to figure this out for months! External Locus of control! The bobbing around on the ocean. I gambled on the love of my life and lost. High stakes indeed

[@user-vz5cg6mp8c]

Same here. Sorry for you

[@SallyIronic]

JESUS SAID "EVERY MAN MUST BEAR THEIR OWN BURDEN". Means everyone is responsible for themselves.

[@caitlinsoliman1658]

Where is that in the Bible?

[@SallyIronic]

@@caitlinsoliman1658 Galatians 6:5 I use the King James and Amplified Bibles, but I really like the Amplified because it is really the best modern English translation.

[@ginafarley6190]

I can’t fix it. I put that on my fridge as a reminder.

[@rachelrose9348]

Trust ur intuition about people around u! Stay away from people that dont sit right in your spirit. If it seems lile somethings wrong than there is period!!!

[@MsTammi125]

This is true. Listen to that instant knowing. Don't second guess. Don't doubt. Don't think "no way it can't be true" for once just believe. It may save your life and years of trauma.

[@dougdeepdown]

"You can barely resolve your own stuff" lol. How True..

[@alwaysandforeverados1455]

Richard, I just watched Bloodline on Netflix, that guy Danny is a straight narcissist.

[@DesignWithMe123]

Devil has turned against you.. As you're helping humanity!.. Allah bless .. Don't lose hope ever Gran!!!

[@imacg5]

I think, well I believe this is a crucial turning point. If everyone is drowning, who do you save first? I would argue yourself. But there's no land in sight, so "saving" is really learning to swim. You NEED to learn to swim first, before you can try to save others. Meanwhile, nobody should step others to stay afloat, but some people do this, intentionally or not. For someone who can't swim themselves, it is not only dangerous, it is wrong to try to save these people. After you've mastered swimming, then after you've learned safeguarding, maybe you could start out saving this kind of people. There's a capability in the mission of helping humanity, and there's an order of things. After all, saving yourself is part of saving humanity.

[@karinfend2980]

Prophet Mohammed is one of the greatest malign Narcissists in history. May Allah save his followers

[@bohotumbleweed8319]

So happy for Gran people start to call him Gran. I just can't be humble enough and keep to myself that it was my idea.❤ Love to all.🎉

[@pickle9753]

Thank you Jacob 👏👏👏👏👏 we all appreciate all that you do to help Richard. God Bless you 🖖

[@philipjohn3262]

Richard you are a legend 🫶🏻😆

[@cathyh1680]

A sadistic narc I broke up with after a short term relationship was a firefighter. He collected dead birds and other animals, used needles and sharps containers that he would find in his job (I later suspected he might be hiding this type of drug use so could have even been his) and he would scatter these dead things around my house and put the needles at the front door and all along the front pathway, then turn up saying "I think someone is trying to scare you" as if it was someone else. When I was able to get a restraining order put on him all of that stuff instantly stopped appearing around my house. Initially I didn't think it was him, but then he started springing vicious attacks on me outside my house when I wouldn't interact or let him in I remembered that he said after I first met him that in his job doing fire, alarm and hazmat checks across the city and surrounding suburbs they would come across a lot of things like dead birds and other animals, needles and full sharps containers and that they were trained and instructed to pick up the needles and containers to properly dispose of them. He was then using these things to scare me to controll me into wanting him around for a sense of safety enough to exploit me sexually which didn't work with me. I have reason to believe that he was using his government job to do this to other women too by posing as a psuedo-recruiter for the department while also getting involved in department associated community activities to 'recruit' for his own purposes. When I contacted the fire commissioner she portrayed it as something he was doing on his own time and what they do on their own time has nothing to do with them so they weren't interested. I only started reaching out like that when I couldn't get him to leave me alone by going no contact and keeping to myself. If the pick someone not easy to manipulate like this (possessing internal locus of control) they can get violent and use their govt contacts to support them/lie/cover up for them.

[@johnandersson8258]

On the question of having more flashbacks after the relationship is over: It happened to me as well and in my opinion it is obvious that it was because it is necessary for us to hide our emotions from ourselves while in i. Otherwise it would be impossible to cope. Thanks, Richard :)

[@bethderrett]

My ex was pretty smart, and had me feel, from day 1, that the problem was me. I spent years looking at myself and how I could fix the issues with myself, not him. When I finally found your work and started to feel like maybe it wasn’t just me, I was pretty brainwashed and it took me another two years to stop trying to analyse whether it was him or me, and realise it really didn’t matter. If a relationship makes you feel so utterly awful, it’s probably not the one for you 😂

[@user-ys8wb9ts1l]

Great set up for podcast!

[@Fluronaut]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="2531">42:11</a> Yes 🙌. This method of delivery is wonderful. It suits you and it feels personal.

[@CraigVerdi-MindfulMoney]

It was easy. But I kept coming back. Proverbs <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1571">26:11</a> -"As dog returns to his vomit, so does a fool to his folly." That verse was helpful to me. Also Proverbs 5.

[@julie4740]

Changing you is the one thing you do, acceptance of the projection outside that I didn’t know was inside ❤

[@miriam3730]

I love this format. I wish I could meet you and thank you in person. Your videos have helped me enormously. God bless!

[@camdogtaek]

Thank you for simplifying this, super helpful 😊

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

Glad it was helpful!

[@josemanuelsanchezrosales1066]

"What new torture is about to befall me?" lmao spot on

[@andrewrice9383]

Right, when I see these kinds of manipulative behaviors, I think I have no choice generally, but to pull away. As I understand until they resolve that childhood trauma or go to therapy, if at all, there’s just no point in interacting because it’s not genuine communication.

[@banderson6470]

My personal experience if the emotional dysregulation after I left the relationship I believe was due to the fact that while I was in it I had cognitive dissonance or denial of what I was in and I just couldn’t see up for down. But after a couple weeks of reflecting without him distracting me so much I started having a lot of disturbing dreams and when I woke up I would think for a split second thank god it was all a dream. It’s so crazy

[@spikestoyou]

I know those dreams are coming for me soon too. God allows these things for our benefit, ultimately. Seek him

[@CynthiaAva]

Sorry I missed it. Watching the replay and taking notes. Thank you, Richard.

[@lexijean9901]

Is that Mortal Kombat playing? 🤣🤣 I immediately thought, “Finish him!” and how closely relationships with narcs mirror a type of Mortal Kombat.

[@banderson6470]

I’m finding a good balance between Richard Grannon and Dr Sam Vaknin in moving forward 🙏🏼

[@banderson6470]

I have to say I’ve been listening to you for over 2 years now and this is the best yet!!!! Thank you

[@Kat-x1p]

Thanks to you and your team for doing this live late over there <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="2689">44:49</a>

[@unamurray4279]

Brilliant. Thank you, good luck everyone❤

[@solideogloria007]

I love this format..thank you!

[@andrewrice9383]

When you talk about empathy for a narcissist what I imagine is, they’re probably thinking how can I get more supply, but in whatever language they use for that in their own head, and then whatever the associated thought patterns are to achieve that. But I think that’s as far as it needs to go. You can just recognize OK yeah they’ve got some deep burden that’s causing them to do this and it’s just pervasively going to stay that way, so disengage.

[@sage9836]

Alot of this is also applicable to being approached by strangers.

[@Kat-x1p]

Thanks to you and your team for doing this live late over there

[@wandaterry2278]

Love it. I did connect with the tolerance level and feeling more capable. Thank you.

[@banderson6470]

The inverting of morality was high. I lost my faith in God and my peace that came with it. I found myself compromising a lot of my values and morals. I feel sick and ashamed now but I’m working through it slowly

[@spikestoyou]

Same happened to me. Trust that God sees your struggles and allowed this fall for your benefit. We will come back stronger. It will take time and be painful, but as Christians this is par for the course, unfortunately. Thank God he always gives us a road out.

[@banderson6470]

@@spikestoyou amen yes! I’m already doing better weeks later. Praying the best for you too

[@dadnash3157]

Autoimmune problems are closely linked to gut inflamation, which can be caused by anxiety.

[@spikestoyou]

Yep and yep

[@juless7807]

Their type of coercion should be illegal

[@kathpercy7941]

Coercive control is illegal it’s trying to get it recognised in court and prosecute it they all should go to a narcissistic prison for the damage and destruction they cause 🙏

[@chiliart8056]

Tottaly agree I hope one day it will be.

[@MonicaG-p2t]

There is a magical word: NO 😉

[@findsmiles9282]

Thank you so much for your teachings!

[@hawkarae]

The thing is, trauma transcenders, 😅 write the blueprint for the baffled billions similarly screwed up. We're all bonkers, but some of us are too hard-headed to give up or give in. We can jump-start the hopeless and together build bridges for the shattered and then together imagine and create harmony by homeostasis and healthy relating. ❤

[@PenninkJacob]

How bad does it have to get until we prioritize personality? The whole world is one big cult… “No contact” on a global scale!!! 👍❤❤❤

[@SuB-gy4rb]

Loved it ~ as always Thanks Richard & crew 🌻

[@AprilRosalez]

I lost track on how many times I’ve watched this 😮

[@jgannon1637]

Getting thru the book Cult of One currently and it is pure evolutionary literature. Love.

[@Liyndima]

Richard ..you're given wisdom and the eloquence to deliver it .. May Allah always guide you You have our gratitude .. Bless you

[@OnlyNoW1]

Captions would be awesome if possible cause I have to watch it on mute due to being stuck in circumstances around them

[@thebusyoctopus]

First 2 minutes - Jacob, you are a great educator. :-)

[@rajneshkumar1505]

Thank you Richard. I needed this.

[@roberttruhn5067]

I think that this format is AT LEAST as effective as your solo livestreams from the hotel room or wherever. Really, the better question is what is more effective and an easier lift for YOU?

[@donnadavis2883]

I have learned lots from your material. Thank you.

[@andreealauraclate1809]

Four days ago I agreed to see my ex after a year (huge mistake) The last three days have been complicated but oday I found your video and it really helped me to regain control of my thoughts and feelings. Thanks Richard you saved me again.

[@LKnaus123]

Guys I found out the secret to getting a narc to leave you without issues … just tell them your having serious health issues, and boy to they scatter in hurry😅

[@CarrieEarls]

Staying in a state of hope…a horrible place to be when in a relationship with a narcissist. I graduated (so to speak) from believing I could help him, to believing he could (and would) help himself, to believing that God could change anybody, so my hope was justified. Yes, God can and does change people. But not everyone. Thirty-five years together has taught me this painful truth. I wish I had had access to the wealth of info on NPD available to people today-hell, I wish I had even heard of it. Better late than never, I guess. I’m out!

[@spikestoyou]

I talked to my priest about this, and he is certain God gives everyone a chance. But in my mind, maybe the only hope for an NPD person’s eternal soul is in the fact that they were never given a chance to begin with. They are stuck as two year olds forever. God, of course, sees this, sees their penance lived out throughout their lives as their false self collapses over and over, the state of frantic hell they live in, and takes mercy on the soul that was never allowed to be. I don’t know that cold therapy works or could ever become widely available, but if it ever does, perhaps these people will have a chance to CHOOSE for themselves at some point who they wish to be.

[@CarrieEarls]

@@spikestoyou I agree that He does give everyone the power to change (a chance), but we have to choose it. Free will still comes into play. It’s up to God to decide on the issue of a person’s eternal soul-my decision lay in whether or not I would continue to stay with my husband, hoping for him to change.

[@Rev695]

Brilliant Richard thankyou

[@Indiana_Blue]

Loved the format

[@dariabondavalli4070]

Lower their significance, I will put it into practice with my boss control freak and malicious too. Thanks

[@marcimccann1109]

Omg! You have just described the endless loop I've been stuck in for the last 2 years (in a business relationship.) Thank you for this amazing content❤❤❤

[@locaitaliana]

You said moist! YES!!!! 👏🏽

[@trentbrocato3254]

Love this format!

[@banderson6470]

Passive aggressive, like suicide letters when I would leave, contacting third parties to get to me, jealous of my older sons, texting me 1000x a day

[@user-ys8wb9ts1l]

Yes good format

[@Kat-x1p]

Rumpelstilskin

[@NinjaMaGoo22]

There is a God. He blesses those who love Him.

[@Wingedmagician]

one of my favorites. not mincing words here

[@HeSaidICouldntDoIt]

About the 1 comment. Thought that came to mind kind of funny "Abra cadabra" 😂

[@banderson6470]

So timely as I just left a month ago (for the 16x) but I know this time something has broken the tie.probably me just being fed up with the insanity. But also this was a great confirmation of what I felt this morning about codependency. I’ve been codependent my whole life because of my narcissistic/schizophrenic mother and sister. From my earliest memories my mom programmed me to be her supply. It was 4 months after my mom died that I got involved with this last man who I believe was highly narcissistic. He had 7 of the 9 traits. Plus I was married to a man for 23 years who was diagnosed with NPD so I have a clear understanding of narcissism. This last one was the worse!!! Very overt raging, super jealous, possessive, controlling, demanding, entitled, has no rules only me. So I stand up and say “YES! It’s not my responsibility to fix these types of people”

[@amandawhite1499]

Great subject - speaking on solutions not problems. Side note, often economic and financial control is a massive problem in escaping these relationships, perhaps this is a gender difference? x

[@jaymebrandow-wikiruk6977]

KING 👑 ❤ THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE TO ALL HUMANS ❤

[@ninjacat508]

Big fan of this format 👍

[@locaitaliana]

Finally got to sit and watch the whole episode. Fantastic and presented beautifully. I like the Liverpool set up. It looks very classy and professional. If there could be “set times” for these broadcasts - it would make it so much easier for me since I am in New York. I don’t know why I do not get notifications. Thank you!

[@calebunderhill2456]

Our therapist told us a year ago that if she stops coming he can't help us/her. We do nit owe them anything. I had to look at my two options (staying and possibly dying, and leaving and working through all of this stuff) and I'm not going back. If it was up to us, we would come up with everything possible that is wrong with them. But it doesn't matter anymore than the weather if that person doesn't want to get better. It's suicide I enjoy the livestream

[@belindaking1362]

It does work, when you leave them. Get on with your own life... 😮😮😮😮

[@wandaterry2278]

Any more information about why some of us stay in these situations longer? 39 years for me. I’ve moved much faster since finding your videos and information

[@phillipbridge5009]

Love your videos all the way from New Zealand. ❤ Jesus, that drinking sound, tho 😢😂😂

[@MrAbsalomdavid]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="2906">48:26</a> It is absolutely incredible how textbook of a narcissist my wife is, according to your knowledge on the subject, Richard. She is no doubt comorbid, and in more than one way, but good Lord! And there is nothing I can do about it.

[@MW-bv3wu]

You asked opinions on the venue. To me, a man in black, in an artificially and purply lit room, decorated with what must be artificial plants because nothing real would grow in all that dim purpliness... I'm glad I'm watching on a tiny tablet and can easily escape to bright or light colors.

[@natlee5879]

I don't think I'm responsible. But I thought I could help, given my knowledge and experience. I have known he was a fully blown narcissist for over a year now. I've tried everything to help while still retaining boundaries. Not to help him, but to help our relationship. I know now this is impossible. Strip it all away, he is unredeemable horror <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="1791">29:51</a>

[@belindaking1362]

My ex threatening me. I I don't bring our car home... he will call the ploice on me. I was at work earning money for our mortgage. What in the hell is that. Every time I spoke, he would mention the ploice. My ptsd was through the roof.... my life so peaceful now....

[@jackiepowell7513]

Very profound and succinct

[@ambernazarenko1468]

Upon deaths door, I was. Sick and unable to kill the pain. I, a beggar of true love. 6209 days! 6209 days!!! If not for God's mercy and Richard's content, certainly death would have answered my knock.

[@user-ww5ce3xw4t]

Please do a session on negativity narcissism

[@wallymarcel1]

I’m thinking we could resolve this a lot quicker for ourselves if we started simply labeling them as assholes and kept that at the forefront of our analyses.

[@Drogonmoon]

I got a skin rash from my narc - all over my body, but then went away and came back to my left arm at <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="570">9:30</a>pm and <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="690">11:30</a>pm every night for 6 days

[@sarahmussi6345]

But what if I AM their mummy ? And they do drugs?

[@christinepriest7908]

NO PANICING................................................. :)

[@pattigriffin4136]

Can we see Jacob and say hi? ❤

[@dogtraininganytime]

Its name for the movie David Bowie - Labyrinth

[@ladyx5556]

Nice Format I love it, thank you very mutch.

[@pickle9753]

Wasn’t the goblin thing..needed to know his name to cross the bridge…🤔🤔 “rumplestilskin” ?!???🤔🤔🤔

[@pickle9753]

I should watch the entire thing before commenting 😂😂😂🤟

[@TraPriest]

everything has a core . so what i can see what caused his core problem.. it doesn't matter, it was a waste of time . he didn't want to know how to fix himself , no matter how angry,( short tempered, no patience , he's 10 steps ahead of everyone because its premeditated deception) he is, and how he could have a better quality of life, he doesn't care why he is what he is. why would he , he's completely content taking my personality and giving me his . our suffering and healing is us fighting the dark side they are trying to force on us to become heartless like them

[@TraPriest]

i have teetered with vengeance , i know better , I've had to sit on my hands a few times deleted many messages

[@brotherofthesnake8833]

KISS Keep it simple Simon

[@mathildapotter2209]

Rumplestiltskin was the goblin in the Faerie Tale

[@junepeterson4078]

Very good!! Thank you!

[@andrewrice9383]

I do assess their issues, but it’s usually just like an hour of thinking about it, OK, they’re playing games in this way and they have some kind of trauma or insecurity. Problem solved.

[@neal-stewart834]

really deep somehow i get it . don't know why