How to Love an Avoidant Woman

Have you ever struggled to connect with an avoidant woman, feeling like traditional dating advice just doesn't work? In this eye-opening video, The Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith delves into the intricate world of avoidant attachment in women, revealing why common approaches often backfire and how you can genuinely love an avoidant partner without smothering them.
From understanding the origins of avoidant attachment to navigating the unique aspects of an avoidant woman's sex drive, Smith provides invaluable insights and practical advice for fostering genuine connection and fulfillment in relationships with avoidant women.
If you're an avoidant woman seeking to articulate your needs or a partner eager to support and understand your avoidant loved one, this video offers the tools and vocabulary to navigate these complex dynamics with compassion and empathy.
Join Adam Lane Smith as he sheds light on the misunderstood world of avoidant attachment in women and unlocks the secrets to building fulfilling, trusting, and loving relationships. Watch now and embark on a journey towards deeper connection and understanding.
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If you’ve struggled in dating or marriage and worry you’re not good enough, worry no more. The Attachment Specialist Adam Lane Smith wrote this guide to show you how to stop fearing abandonment and start building healthy relationships. Through his proven step-by-step method for repairing attachment, Adam will teach you what people really want from you, how to give and receive love without fear, what red flags to avoid, and how you can build a lifetime love with a partner you trust.
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(00:00 - 05:47) Chapter 1: Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Women
(05:48 - 10:48) Chapter 2: The Unique Dynamics of Avoidant Women
(10:49 - 15:49) Chapter 3: Case Study and Practical Strategies
(15:50 - 20:55) Chapter 4: Encouraging Change and Seeking Help
(20:56 - 23:16) Chapter 5: Conclusion and Call to Action

[@SrnDpT-ti1xs]

On. Point. In fact, I think 20% might be a high estimate. Lol.

[@Caroline-ez8ls]

Please please please do more videos on avoidant women!!!!!

[@Caroline-ez8ls]

I knew there was something wrong with me when I went to tell my boys goodnight and turn out their light and I felt completely uncomfortable telling them that I loved them. I was afraid of being vulnerable with my children?!!?! Oh God help me! So with literally hundreds of hours of reading and research I have learned that I am an avoidant woman. I am now on my journey to becoming a better wife and mother🙏🏻❤️

[@calebhelmuth]

Thank you for sharing ❤ how can I better love my avoidant wife? I plan on taking his courses and doing whatever it takes but I want to hear individuals perspectives

[@biersmorgen6609]

Good for u, I think my wife and I are both avoidant but I started this fire of withholding vulnerability.

[@FrankShepard]

@@Caroline-ez8ls Your truest deepest self in Christ is able to transcend your defensive ego self. Awareness of this duality in our nature is the key to true liberty. 1 Peter 5:7

[@Starfish319]

I’m super proud of you for embarking on this journey of self awareness so that you can better love and meet the emotional needs of your loved ones. Thank you for sharing!

[@cindydaley7461]

The way he explains what happens to these women and why is actually quite sad. Not sure why people are writing such negative comments. She’s not choosing to be mean it’s a survival mechanism. Anyone with this attachment style is doing the best they can ❤

[@RichardVaught]

Because we make little distinction between who someone is and the behaviors/actions they play out. We generally dislike the behaviors and actions, and then project the dislike of the action onto the person. Why don't you(generic you) like a person? Because they do things, say things, or behave in ways that are out of alignment with you. When it is someone that you love, their actions matter more, so they hurt more, and when those actions have been ongoing for years, it becomes harder and harder to believe they are not intentional. This, of course, leads to lots of negative outcomes as the bitterness, resentment, and pain grows. It's vicious.

[@CryptoTaurusMoon]

The negative comments are from avoidant exes who were hurt by an avoidant and typically the discard is harsh and/or unexplainable. I lived this. Multiple years of kindness, patience, compassion, and then too be discarded like I never even existed. I'm secure and this was the most perplexing relationship ever

[@rickknoxx]

​@@CryptoTaurusMoon was in that exact situation with the woman we were together for 5 years and I tried to help her in every way possible to no avail, I blamed myself for the longest time. it broke my heart seeing her push away, every, single, time, I finally realized that I dont have the energy for it and told her that I will always love her but I'm don't abandoning myself and then I left, still haven't completed moved on but I still have a small little place for her where I hope she's able to get the will power to overcome herself

[@SunshineAndSnowflakes]

@@RichardVaught I think those are personal issues that the partner of an avoidant needs to look into as well. You're choosing to be with this person that has so many traits that you dislike, then get angry, bitter, and resent them for just being themselves. There are plenty of people that I love just as they are that I don't align with. I can't imagine disliking them and then keeping them in my life. I think that's what's confusing to me. Why partner up with anyone that you want to change?

[@RichardVaught]

@@SunshineAndSnowflakes As you said, "There are plenty of people that I love just as they are that I don't align with." You don't to like everything action a person takes to love the person, and loving a person does not automatically guarantee that you will like every action they take. Also, I didn't say anything about trying to change the other person. I don't think it is possible to change another person. As for why to keep someone who can hurt you in your life? Because the risk and reward go hand and hand. No one can destroy you like a person you love, but it's worth the risk.

[@kathleenjara5365]

As an avoidant woman this is all completely accurate. Healing and therapy helped me move past my fear of intimacy and improve my communication across the board. It's an ongoing process. Thank you for sharing this.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad to hear you found the video helpful! It's fantastic to see how therapy and healing have empowered you to overcome your fear of intimacy and improve communication. If you need any guidance please feel free to reach out at [e-mail] - Always here to help!

[@LaciRae]

we learned to be this way for necessary reasons. every time i have been vulnerable, etc., etc., etc., with literally anyone “close” to me, males/females/friends/family/partners, they have used it against me or made me regret even trusting them. if i was able to find someone i could truly trust, i would open up. but that can’t happen until that highly elusive mystery person shows up in my life. until then, i prefer solitude. my well being stays safe from outside disruption/harm. & i have zero desire to be owned or controlled.

[@AttachmentAdam]

It's understandable to prioritize your well-being, and finding someone you can trust takes time. However, with the right guidance and support it becomes possible. What are some gestures that would demonstrate trustworthiness to you?

[@jacopofbargellini4005]

that person doesn't exist because the problem is inside you

[@roberth4395]

Unless you work on yourself and leave this personality trait behind you will always fail. If you do what you said, it will make it impossible to find/meet mr right. And time is ticking. The hard truth is that almost everyone wants to use you and others, so you might as well accept it and find someone who you can use just as much as he is using you.

[@iUnderstand]

​@@roberth4395So, what might happen for me then, once I develop that mentality: I will now subconsciously feel as though any of my romantic feelings (or whatever) for this person, should be suppressed and ignored and not shared, for so long that I eventually start to feel like the relationship is kind of one-sided.. but then I realize (or I don't realize) that I don't 'share' and that I'm in so deep that I can never share (...not that I was ever going to, anyway.. so it's kind of a no-win situation). Plus, I don't even really take the relationship seriously at all if I have to shut certain feelings off. Just 'accepting' something means nothing to someone who has an intrinsic problem with that thing, down to their core. How does a person just 'accept' it to the point of being free of its grasp, while also somehow becoming a more understanding and realistic person? If a person who can't '''accept''' it is just TOLD to do such a thing, it's most likely going to become the same old advice you can expect from anyone, and with the same results; becoming 'okay' with something you're not okay with and refusing to talk about it or just avoiding the subject or never bringing it up, is just suggesting I go back to *suppressing* everything. If you have any advice for the steps in between, and maybe give some examples, I'd love to hear more. In the same way that it might blow your mind to know that there are a lot of people out there (I assume) who can't just come to a middle ground or whatever, it almost blows my mind that you didn't know that not everyone can just *do that.* Sorry for rant. I love you

[@MayBlake_Channel]

Totally understandable!

[@Karmala-ki5ue]

Wow. I have never felt so heard, and never felt so called out at the same time. Thank you so much.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad to walk that careful line with you. I want people to know they have options available to them if they want to explore new ways of connecting with trustworthy people. Life can get better when you're both smart and wise about who you bond with. Let me know how I can help you moving forward.

[@inyoureyes25]

As an avoidant woman, I thank you for this important, meaningful talk.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you for your kind words! It's heartening to know that the content resonates with you.

[@matthewnorris203]

You’re avoiding attachment, style definition of, “no one is gonna be fair with you”. It’s very true for me.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad this video resonates with you. I'd love to hear more about your experience; tell me more. And if you need help with your attachment style, I encourage you to send me a DM on Instagram so we can get you on the path to becoming securely attached.

[@MimifromChicago]

I am an older woman who gave up on men and dating several years ago. In the last 2 or 3 years I first heard about attachment styles and was shocked at how perfectly I fit the dismissive avoidant category. I was never intentionally mean or cruel to others. But I can now see how others could have been put off by some of my actions. I am on a journey now to learn as much as I can about myself. It is so rewarding, but the criticism from many people has been quite harsh. So I appreciate both your insight and compassion. Thank you.

[@calebhelmuth]

I desperately want to know how to love my wife in her avoidant attachment style. Everything in this video hits the nail on the head about my wife. What recommendations do you have as an avoidant yourself and what you have learned?

[@laizerwoolf]

​@@calebhelmuth To be loved by a dismissive avoidant is to be more avoidant than her. Never love her more than she loves you, gauge her attraction levels everyday and adjust accordingly. Focus more on your own life and hobby, but it'll probably be difficult if you need to fulfill your own emotional needs. Truth be told, dismissive avoidant are not an attachment style it's a disattachment style. Naturally they are not built for relationship, trying to force it on them will only lead to pain and suffering.

[@calebhelmuth]

​@@laizerwoolf Sounds bleak

[@flipphone4755]

I’m an avoidant woman and really identify with the fact that sharing my needs gets me nowhere except “in trouble” with others. It’s a big part of the reason I’m separated from my husband. I didn’t learn my lesson in childhood chose poorly😂

[@AttachmentAdam]

Sharing with the wrong people is definitely going to lead to pain. That's why I teach the 4 levels of trust to every avoidant person who comes into my coaching, so they know the proper way to filter everyone they meet.

[@miyabiparis]

Fairness is the key. We have been too taken advantage of. No one paid attention to our well-being. Lots of people are so self-centered. We are basically very kind people. But lots of people, especially guys, fail to make feel us safe, simply.

[@taylorbee4010]

Us anxious puppy guys do wanna love yall though. Women are lovable as they can be cruel and they can be much better at loving.

[@alanrodriguez210]

Difficult to make you feel safe if you see unexistent threats everywhere, with all due respect

[@niamhfranklin9261]

@@taylorbee4010 so annoying, women aren't "cruel" for protecting ourselves....

[@niamhfranklin9261]

@@alanrodriguez210 Ah yes, invalidate us some more. Super sexy and safe.... Just because you're blind to our perspectives doesn't make threats nonexistent. Great to confirm that people cannot understand our needs, even the people interested in dating us.

[@user-qv3kn1bo5p]

90% Women are incapable of genuinely loving thier boyfriend/husband biggest proof read the comments in this channel from females about avoidant man is like “he should go fix himself” “I’m not his mother” “Better to end the relationship it’s not worth the effort” But see the comments in avoidant women video from males how they’re begging and hoping that they gonna fix thier parter do you know why? Becuze men love women for real

[@lalala-lt8fe]

I ended up with men who have big needs and no room for anybody else's. I ended up with them because they didn't feel pushed away from me being silent, because they were too busy talking about their own needs. They were so happy and relieved to have someone who calmly solves their problems. Then when I broke up with them, they were shocked and distraught, because they thought the relationship was perfect. Took me till my 40s to figure this out.

[@dearbrave4183]

Spot on! When they are too selfish to notice 😂😂😂❤

[@sharktiff1]

Just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for a good majority of our relationship. While I still broke up with him because of the extreme gaslighting, deceit, and hypocrisy… I also felt empathy because I’m an avoidant woman with a low sex drive. This video described me to a T. Like, I get you feeling a way by not getting your needs met, but he would pretend that everything was ok and beat around the bush when I only really feel safe and certain with direct communication. He would rather take path of least resistance… so here we are. Me cheated on, him deprived, both of us now single. 🤷🏽‍♀️.

[@AttachmentAdam]

It sounds like you've been through a lot, but recognizing your needs and boundaries is a crucial step towards finding fulfilling relationships. I'd love to offer you guidance and support on your journey, please feel free to reach out at [e-mail]

[@Smalltummywonderful]

Well I could almost could say or gauge out that he would be a narcissist. You must have went through a lot, and I am very sorry that happened to you.

[@biersmorgen6609]

Ugh I'm trying to be more understanding and give space and not want connection during this healing process

[@Yetihawk]

As an Avoidant woman, my current husband (an SA) is the longest relationship I’ve ever been able to stay in (11yrs vs 2 max). He has never made me feel smothered, he allows me to have my own space & when he shows me compassion & empathy is when I feel the most loved.

[@Yetihawk]

“Cold ice princess”, I’ve been called an ice queen at the end of so many relationships. When I heard Adam say this I suddenly felt seen. 🙏🏼

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm so happy you were able to find this safe space and lasting connection. Did you communicate this early on in your relationship?

[@Yetihawk]

@@AttachmentAdam no, I didn’t recognize his attachment style until much later. He just seemed quiet, secure & understanding.

[@Yetihawk]

@@AttachmentAdam also, in the beginning of our relationship, we both voiced that neither of us “wanted a relationship” but that we were a “casual FWB” who had a bunch of common activities, goals & values in common. We didn’t agree to live together for over a year & when we did, we did it for financial “convenience”. We also never voiced that we were “official” and we didn’t actually get married until year 10. Even then, we voiced it as doing it for “convenience” reasons while acknowledging that we also love each other. I will say, although somewhat unconventional, it’s been organic AND just this year we’ve both acknowledged that we should go to therapy do work on our attachment styles because we believe we can still do better.

[@martinbm74]

I cried listening to this because I related to it so much. I am 50 and have never been in love. I have always been in survival mode, in my masculine and felt taken advantage of financially by my partners. You’re right - fairness is huge. All my life, I felt that the only person who ever loved me growing up was my paternal grandmother. As much as I’ve wanted love, I’ve never allowed someone to get that close. “Love hurts” I relate so much to the heart-wall in the emotion code. That made me cry too. Anyone that knows me will tell you that I’m pretty damn stoic, so crying is a big deal (and way too vulnerable for me)

[@Kay-zv3mk]

I want to thank you for putting out positive and hopeful content on avoidants, rather than much of the content that demonizes them. I'm dating a mildly avoidant woman, I see how she struggles, and I just want to be patient with her, let her know I'm someone she can trust, and learn how to connect more deeply and the tips in this video should help immensely. I appreciate your content.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you for your kind words, and I'm glad that you find my content helpful. Your commitment to supporting your partner speaks volumes about your character. If you find yourself in need of more guidance please feel free to reach out to me at [e-mail]

[@Pheonix1111]

I am shocked that you are willing to be patient with your her. I thought men always reject avoidant women immediately. Could you please explain to me why you are willing to be patient with your her? It just seems so impossible to me.

[@ashton1952]

@@Pheonix1111 Some men choose to be there because they see the good heart behind the storm on the surface and they know they can be the one to provide the calmness. Takes maturity and it's also not for anyone who has codependent reasons to be there. It'll take going the extra mile.

[@bluesky7704]

YT seems think I am avodiant dismissive. I am just happy I have been able to learn how to make myself happy. Relationship are very difficult because 2 people moving in the same direction are not common.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I understand where you're coming from. What strategies or lessons have you found most effective in prioritizing your own happiness and navigating the complexities of relationships with differing attachment styles?

[@xxsnow_angelxx3953]

To communicate authentically when I'm in a space of abundance instead of lack. To say my needs instead of categorizing it as unnecessary 'wants'. To have the partner that willingly listen and doesn't gaslight u. ​@@AttachmentAdam

[@cindykpower]

Omg I can't believe I opened KZbin to be read like this 😭

[@AttachmentAdam]

Which part resonated with you the most?

[@cindykpower]

@@AttachmentAdam almost everything, the sugar addiction, the autoimmune condition, not to be able to be in a long lasting relationship, the necessity to watch p0rn

[@Moldovanul_]

Hoooly! finally an advisor who is actually educated and doesn't just repeat pop science

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you, I really appreciate your feedback! What resonated the most or was most helpful?

[@relaxwithme__]

I grew up and developed an anxious attachment style due to a chaotic household. I got out of a 2 year relationship with a narcissist around 20 years old and I developed an avoidant attachment style. I’m almost 30 now and I’ve done the inner work to gain awareness of the protective nature of the avoidant attachment style. I’ve been able to process my suppressed emotions and heal my trust issues from that relationship. I have now developed a healthy attachment style. I’m glad to know all those years of deep inner work was worth it. It’s still wild to know that I’ve had all 3 major attachment styles. 😅

[@AttachmentAdam]

It sounds like you've been on quite a journey of self-discovery and growth! Your resilience and dedication to inner work are admirable. If you ever need guidance or support, feel free to reach out at [e-mail]

[@jenhall4514]

I am that avoidant woman, trying to date is difficult. Men either bore me or are too needy of my time. I'm very hyper independent and don't like people demanding too much

[@AttachmentAdam]

Avoidant women almost always attract anxious men. But there's a way out of this loop and you can start attracting securely attached men to form lasting, fulfilling relationships. I encourage you to send me a DM on Instagram so we can find ways to date the right men for you!

[@mmarissa95]

What if you just married the anxious man ??😅

[@mmarissa95]

@@AttachmentAdam 😅

[@CryptoTaurusMoon]

A secure man can become anxious with an avoidant woman.

[@LukezyM]

@@CryptoTaurusMoon I have a feeling I became a little anxious after my last relationship of 10 years. She was so needy and clingy, kinda bothered me but I went along with it. Now that we ended, I'm left feeling kinda anxious about the future.

[@rashadm.sadigov4366]

Sir you have nailed. That is exactly i went through. No matter how i tried she didnt open up to me at all. I wish she opened up. I would do anything to make her feel safe and loved. I wish she finds your video.

[@joev7014]

She won’t open up unfortunately… my ex was the same

[@shawnaaustin3396]

She absolutely had abuse and trauma by men in the past so she needs therapy to heal.

[@Ugnele]

@@shawnaaustin3396 She could have been emotionally neglected by her parents. Don't blame men all the time.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Recognizing the struggles of our partners and striving to create a safe space for them is commendable. If you need any guidance feel free to email me at [e-mail] - I'd love to help!

[@Pheonix1111]

@@joev7014 and @rashadm.sadigov43 I am shocked that both of you were willing to be patient with your ex. I thought men always reject avoidant women immediately. Could you please explain to me why you were willing to be patient with your ex?

[@JannaMeyer]

Women whose natural default is secure attachment can shift into anxious for a while when paired with an avoidant man…and then shift again into avoidant as a response…especially when he tells her that her concerns/desires are codependent…and hold avoidant attachment style up on a pedestal of the ideal relationship. Ask me how I know.

[@AttachmentAdam]

It sounds like you've had a frustrating experience and had to protect yourself from feelings of heartache or loneliness. Is this still the case in your relationship?

[@dingdongpoopoo7605]

I think I'm an avoidant woman who was with a more avoidant man for 4 years. Once you explained that can happen, things started to make sense.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Yes that's fairly common, I've worked with a lot of women trying to recover after being hurt in a relationship dynamic like that. if you have questions or need some help I'm open to talk, my email is [e-mail]

[@LaisCordiolli]

I'm fearful avoidant and it feels like I'm trapped in my own protective cage. I'm willing to put in the work to be securely attached.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Feel free to email me at [e-mail] to get you out of that cage - Happy to help!

[@michaelread328]

IT'S HERE! THANK YOU! BEEN HOLDING MY BREATH WAITING FOR THIS

[@AttachmentAdam]

Your enthusiasm is truly heartwarming! Thank you for your support and eagerness to learn.

[@Moncubus]

Thank you, I’ve been waiting for that avoidant women series!

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad to hear that! Stay tuned for more empowering content!

[@KiltedTupiniquin]

Was waiting for this for so long! Thank you

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm happy to hear that! Stay tuned for more.

[@Pheonix1111]

Thank you immensely for doing this video Adam. I have been eagerly waiting for this video. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed this video! What specific topics or insights were you most eager to explore, and how do they relate to your own experiences or challenges?

[@Pheonix1111]

@@AttachmentAdam Thank you Adam. You make me feel so validated and defended in this video. I am tired of people making incorrect assumptions about avoidant women. I have never been loved unconditionally or even conditionally by anyone. People just do not understand. I love this video, because you make it seem possible for avoidant women to eventually find out what it feels like to actually be loved for the first time ever.

[@Leeeeeshuh]

This is so spot on… thanks for making this video. Trying to work on myself and this is helpful

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad to hear this is helpful! You are always welcome to email me questions at [e-mail], I can share options and I'm here to assist.

[@bhavyasharma8091]

I got teary eyed when you described the transformation of that avoidant woman. Before you mentioned her coming to the next session and crying, I was teary eyed by what you described before that. I am an avoidant woman. Some things you described I don’t fit into that. But I know for sure I’m an avoidant, a COMBINATION of dismissive and fearful-avoidant.

[@normanclatcher]

Respected and seen. There's hope for you. 🙂

[@livinglifelazy]

THE EXPECTATION PART. That's really the crux of it, it feels like everyone always has so many expectations and I'm so afraid that I don't know what they are and also that I simply won't be able to meet them. Expectations feel so overwhelming and unfair. I can't find joy in relationships when I'm so busy worrying about the expectations I can't meet without exhausting and hurting myself. I wish I could enjoy the connections I have but I simply can't. No one seems to understand that, they think I just need some time and then I'll be good as new. This video made me feel so seen!

[@AttachmentAdam]

I hear you. It’s tough when expectations feel overwhelming and unfair. How do you think you can start addressing these expectations with those around you?

[@livinglifelazy]

​@@AttachmentAdam recently, I've been very honest with the people closest to me about what Im able to do and I ask them very specifically about expectations i THINK they have so we can address them. Then I tell them that they're allowed to push me (since I have to grow somehow) but that Im still working on my response to being pushed in this way. It's tough but it's helping me figure out where my actual boundaries are and where I should be a little flexible. The harder part is with new people or people I'm not super close with yet, but it's a start.

[@kait2264]

Incredible insight - thanks for sharing this.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad it was helpful!

[@misterabsurd]

Thank you Adam. This rings so true to my current situation. It's an early stage relationship that's having trouble even getting off the ground. I hope with this kind of understanding I am able to navigate these waters fairly for everyone involved.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm rooting for you! If you ever need any extra help or guidance, I'm here for you. Feel free to DM me on Instagram.

[@jlo1372]

💯 Nailed it!

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad you agree!

[@KingOfTralfamadore]

Amazing insight, thank you

[@americanlawdawg3609]

Wow, I’m blown away! This is the video I needed to find ! Thank you so much! 🇺🇸👍🏻

[@AttachmentAdam]

Happy to help! Which part of this video resonated the most?

[@mikuuxp4770]

I want to share a little bit of my experience, I am still a young woman and I think I could fit this type of profile but I am not looking to pigeonhole myself into anything. I only dated one man in my life at 18 and he left me with severe traumas and broken dreams, the hope of loving and being loved already took away all my desire. That was 8 years ago and I remain single, and when someone shows a little interest in me (it's not all the time, they are specific events) I get self-conscious, I reject them, I avoid them. and the saddest part is that I long to love and be loved, to be the wife of someone who appreciates me back and to form a beautiful family without my past problems. but ironically I am rejecting all men even until yesterday. Regardless of my pain, I still want to put faith in my dream of living a traditional life. Another point that I consider is when people tell me "you reject everyone because the one you like doesn't come." and it could also be, since my expectations increased due to the trauma and zero love I received. I hope you can understand, I am not a native English speaker.❤

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hi there, I understand very well. Thank you for being so honest. Many women do get deeply hurt and retreat away from others this way, and that's happening more often. The answer is to learn the 4 levels of trust so you can filter people correctly and ONLY trust the right people from now on. You need that foundation in order to feel safe and not waste your time with people who will hurt you. If you want some help learning that you can email me at [e-mail], I am here to assist.

[@Ozeanenrausch]

Hi. I recently found your channel and found your videos very helpful. As a fearful avoidant woman, I don't exactly fit into this. But it's about understanding myself and my partner better. He also doesn't have a secure attachment style... Through learning about those theories and practicing to become better at communicating and regulating my emotions, I don't get these fight-or-flight responses much anymore, and when I do get them, I analyze them, so I can create a gap between the overwhelming emotions and a radical decision. Long distance makes it a bit harder sometimes... thank you for your videos.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Welcome to the channel! It's heartening to hear that you've found the videos beneficial in understanding yourself and your partner better. Keep up the amazing work in communication and emotional regulation. If you ever need more insights or support, feel free to join our Attachment Circle adamlanesmith.com/the-attachment-circle .

[@dieselsince88]

Thanks for the perspective, the flipside of my own ethical nervous avoidant style.

[@yudollia]

This is fascinating thanks for this video im learning a lot about myself

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm thrilled to hear that the video resonated with you! Stay tuned for more insights and guidance.

[@arkan031]

Thank you for the video. I've sent it to my DA gf and told her that I love her and I'm with her. I'm afraid she won't really watch it tho, propably won't bother. You're very on point with having male friends. No matter what would I do for her, I'd be supporting her, appreciating smallest thing she'd do, even if I'd bring her a star from the sky.. I'd be still treated in a way like I'm completely inferior to any of her friends in every way. Much more time for them, prioritizing them always, in conversations they'd always have full priority and I'd be kinda about totally ignored, being flirty a bit sometimes. Since a long time I'm trying to ask about her needs, or figure them out cause she's often really secretive about smallest things, trying to give her space when I notice a need. I've turned anxious at some point and in a way I already need to much to feel loved back at least in a tiny fraction of how I show her my love towards her, that I've stopped enjoying anything in life recently and I kinda wish I never existed.. I'm propably bothersome just writing this, but thanks if you've read this Adam and have a good day. I'm quite lost.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hi there, it sounds like you're seeking answers which is a good thing. In my experience a person facing your challenges needs two things: support and clear answers. I built my Attachment Circle mentorship program to help you find clarity and learn everything you need to build a relationship that feels safe and loving for you. We'd love to have you with us, and you and I can start working together immediately. You can join us right here: adamlanesmith.com/the-attachment-circle/

[@thevikingbeard89]

Yeah, I've experienced the same. It was like they wanted the relationship but then wanted more time with friends. I've been like that in the past. Essentially have your cake and eat it too. Have someone on call when they need it. It's very hurtful. I almost wish we stayed fwb but then that leads to open boundaries and no labels which in itself seems insecure.

[@arkan031]

@@AttachmentAdam Thanks Adam, in my current situation I'd have bit of a trouble affording it right now, but I'll think about it in the future. I think I'll try to be in non contact for a few days in hopes to recover a bit, otherwise I'm thinking about her a lot and it doesn't serve me well in that kind of situation. I recall that you used to be anxious in the past as well, I believe you also might be well too simillar with being bombarded with thoughts in a way, something like "what if this?", "what if that's happening right now?", "what if there's something more going on with some friend?" and such. Sometimes I have to fight overflow of that kind of thoughts through entire day, no matter what I'm currently doing.

[@arkan031]

@@thevikingbeard89 Yes, it went as far as her once saying that I hate her friends, when I asked if she could not only focus on them and kinda ignore me while we're all together. Adam mentioned that as an avoidant, she may not have many friends and things might be bit awkward for her. In a way her behavior looks like if she was somehow scared of losing any friend, like maybe if even she'd say "no" once to a friend, so she could spend some time together with me, friend would hate and leave her. At the same time she doesn't feel like she could lose me, so she does much less work here. I wouldn't want to stop her from having friends and spending time with them, but I simply wish I was treated like a bf while we're with any of them. In a way it feels like friends are boyfriends and I'm a random.

[@thevikingbeard89]

@@arkan031 yep. I've never encountered it and almost same issues. Super emotionally hurtful. She'd focus on me not liking her friends but that was never the case- her friends were all depressed and broke and always cancelled plans. I was always up to go hang out but she had to do it separately which is fine but it didnt make sense why she felt she couldn't lose them but could lose me. She cried on my shoulder, i helped her move her dad into a home, and I came to fix her car or bring gas when she ran out on the road. I was f$&king awesome to her. There was a weird trend i noticed- everytime she hung out with her friends she felt like breaking up or distancing more. Yet she found problems with my friends and wanted me to be distant from them. Not to mention she told me her issues with her friends. One day she got excited about a tea day with her friend and the friend just wanted a vent session. My exes face got so sad because she was gonna prep all sorts of snacks and stuff and make it cute. I wound up starting to make snacks and she joined and it was a ton of fun. I left for the day so they had their time and when i came back I tried hugging the friend in a friendly manner and asking how she was but I could sense just nothing from her. I will admit I'm hurt and frustrated because I somehow kept being turned into a bad guy and I showed so much love, flirting, support and friendship to her. She was becoming my best friend but the romantic side was there. She did tell me she begins to flaw find in her partners and doesn't know why. So much hurt and i know jealousy is wrong and ppl are free to do what they want but the way things ended felt like she just took so much to then up and leaving me feeling discarded.

[@samgoddard5440]

This made me cry so much, explains so much about me

[@user-ww4xs6dz7h]

No one gives another person love. A person either steps into love or they dont. Its always been. Each person needs to step into the love within themselves. Thats what awakened that woman, not her partner. Her partner just made it easier. Being afraid of expressing ones self just because of the past and your fear of what others will do or say, is keeping you in the box you subconsiously placed yourself in. You dont need anyone else, you are enough already, you just have to believe that.

[@dahliaherrod4301]

I think the better way to think of it is one person gives love, but it's up to the other person to receive it. That holds true for any type of relationship I've discovered.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Interesting perspective. Please explain more.

[@00samira00]

Yes but we are also mammals that have ways of attaching and wiring that might get established negatively in relationships early on and the best way to re wire that is in new positive relations. I agree that you can and should do a lot on your own but the deepest change will happen when you can rewrite what connections to other feels like inside of one.

[@unterdessen8822]

That made me think of that South Park WOW episode 🤣 (Yes, I'm that old) Randy tries to give Stan the sword in game, but forgot how to do that in WOW. In real life we expect such an exchange going smoothly, but people with insecure attachments are kind of like video game characters, that lack the codes to give or take.

[@rulesfortheenotforme613]

Grateful I found this!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad it was helpful! If you ever need more guidance feel free to email me at [e-mail]

[@allaboardthegravytrain5987]

Hi Adam, thanks for making this fair and not misogynistic. I was not always avoidant, but ive been hurt by avoidants almost consecutively so i dont believe that it wont happen anymore and i became avoidant as a result. Maybe it can be resolved if i liked the person enough but right now its highly unlikely.

[@allaboardthegravytrain5987]

It just feels very impossible when one after another its the same thing that happens and all you give is the consistent/faithful side of you and to not get that back is devastating.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I hear you completely, enough pain can drive a person into avoidant behavior just to feel safe. If you want to resolve those wounds and learn to trust the RIGHT person, someone worthy of that trust, I'll be glad to help. You're always welcome to email me at [e-mail] and I'll answer personally.

[@allaboardthegravytrain5987]

it cant be resolved, this effect is long lasting and permanently damaging, but thank you for the offer and i think its also different for everyone else. i just got to a point where theres no return.

[@javireyes7333]

@@allaboardthegravytrain5987 i feel the same right Now and I feel devastated

[@Farieclau]

I’m an avoidant woman been a lone wolf all my life. I have artistic hobbies that fulfil me. The more my partner lashes out on me for not connecting the more I feel like marrying my art forms. I’m starting to think relationships are just overrated and it’s a blessing to be an avoidant because we do not need anyone to do life! We appreciate people but we don’t need them we can love them from a distance and not expect anything in return because we have ourselves to fall back on. People will let you down you will be on the deathbed alone, so why bother with so much stress and emotional rollercoasters dealing with people when you can just depend on yourself.

[@lvca242]

Your way of talking is so touching, thank you

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much, I appreciate that. What did you think of this content?

[@santokitokiya]

Love this! Thank you. Could you please cover fearful avoidants

[@rickyscreativecorner8107]

Thanks for the video! All the woman I’ve dated have been Avoidant or fearful avoidant.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad you found this video helpful! What specific topics would you like to learn more about?

[@rickyscreativecorner8107]

Thanks for the reply. I first heard you on the Chris Williamson podcast and I was fascinated with the logical simplicity of how you broke down relationship dynamics. I first did a lot of learning and research on relationships when I had a surprise divorce of 12yrs around 2.5yrs and just recently started dating about 6 months ago. We clicked well and talked about the future and so many wonderful things for 3 months and then she gradually started pulling away until she said she needed space and it’s been a month and a half of no contact so I accepted that as a breakup lol. There were clearly more complexities to this scenario but she wanted to end it before anyone got hurt I think. She did have a history of not good relationships and I thought I’d be her first stable one lol. That may have been a red flag lol. Just thought I’d share and see if any of that resonates because I have no idea on specific topics but I’d gladly listen to anything you share. Thanks for the great content.

[@yaroslavlebed7964]

Thank you, dear Adam

[@AttachmentAdam]

You're most welcome, I'm happy to help. Did this video help bring more clarity?

[@guillaumebersac7287]

I thought my ex was a manipulative narcissist. Now I realize that she was just very avoidant. I'm sad I left her. If only I watched your video 2 years with her, I might have been married to her. Now she's happy with a man she's about to marry. I missed a wonderful occasion because of my misunderstanding of her. I've been unfair to her, that's on me.

[@meowmix1569]

Does it matter? It's like asking if someone is evil or just stupid. I care about outcomes. Don't beat yourself up for choosing not to accept person without a secure attachment style. It's very black and white thinking and makes me think you have BPD

[@aquilifergroup]

Move on. Find another one. You’ll be alright

[@joev7014]

Believe me… it was not meant to be. And if she’s truly an avoidant believe me that marriage will be extremely difficult. She won’t express her needs and most likely will cheat or divorce you…. Believe me. I had two avoidant exs and their communication sucked. Always silent treatment. Always avoiding… you lost nothing. You gained freedom

[@AttachmentAdam]

It's never easy to realize our misunderstandings in hindsight, but acknowledging them is a sign of growth. Your empathy towards your ex's attachment style speaks volumes about your character.

[@ralphiesarch8980]

@@joev7014 I think only avoidants understand other avoidants. If you're not one, you come up with your response - unfair i.e. the whole video topic

[@SheldonFernandes-cf6tm]

A million thanks Adam

[@AttachmentAdam]

You're most welcome. Happy to help!

[@mississippiatheistette8769]

oh god, no one will be fair with me. I remember when i realized that people were not fair in life. i was so hurt and confused. I was a child. i had a good childhood. my grandparents loved me SOOO much. I thought my dad did too. then my grandparents died and my mom and dad divorced and my dad basically threw me away. I couldnt go to my mom. I had no one. I cried every night into my teddy bear as i sang the song that my dad used to sing to me when I was a small child that said that "momma and daddy loved me" and i wondered while i cried, why my daddy lied to me... why did he tell me that they loved me when it wasnt true?? why dont people treat people fairly? then my brother in law raped me at 12 and no one believed me. later, mom sold me off to a 19 man when i was 14 and i was a mother of 4 by the age of 21. i remember one day when my oldest son was about 1, he walked up to me and put his hand on my knee and i drew back away from him. it felt so wierd for my son to caress my knee. and i cried because i felt like i was a failure as a mother because i coulnt give my son physical affection. thank goodness that i decided to be nothing like my parents were with me. I forced myself to learn how to hug my kids. they know that mama is awkward AF, but im going to always be there for them no matter what. they wont know this pain. they will suffer other things, but not this. not from me. my oldest boy is 21 now. he was able to finish highschool and has a very good job. he is very loving and responsible and takes his litle brothers (16, and 17) out every weekend to laser tag. i am proud of him. and theyve been getting hugs now for 20 years. their love is the only thing that i think is keeping me tied down to this godforsaken place. if it wasnt for my children, i know that i wouldnt be here right now. please try, try try try, to break the cycle. its hard yall, but its worth it and its possible. im so sorry that things happened the way they did., i wish i could make it all better for all of us.

[@indyi5344]

Thanks for this. I definitely have this issue, and it’s also impacting my autoimmune problems as well. Very useful and compassionate video.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you, and I'm glad you found the video helpful!

[@lauren3027]

Hi Adam, this is great info, thanks for sharing!! I feel like I relate to both anxious and avoidant attachment styles, does that make me fearful avoidant?

[@anastasiaszymala8497]

Thank you!

[@AttachmentAdam]

You're welcome!

[@Apocalyptiseptical]

Im quite avoidant and I have no pain at all in my body and I’m not stressed out ever as opposed to my nt female friends? (By the way I have few of them cos their love drama bores me) I also don’t do sugar much, don’t indulge in food, quit on drinking and smoking. So I can’t numb myself into doing anything and dissociating along the way like I did in most my youth. I have to be real about my ‘conditon’ and this channel is very helpful.

[@NormanInAustralia]

Thanks!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you!

[@DymeJackson]

This is soooo accurate. I’m in therapy this year to heal and move from this attachment style

[@AttachmentAdam]

That's wonderful to hear! Keep doing the work because it gets so much better and easier over time. I'm here for you if you need any help or support.

[@naevan1]

I felt like i was bombarded with marketing in this video

[@Daniel-Deshaun]

This explains everything omg

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad this explanation resonated with you!

[@sfa223]

Can you imagine that there is zero person we can trust on Earth out of 8 billions of people just because of that toxic family and repeated cruel experiences and disappointments in life that brainwashed us to believe that we were not, cannot be and will never be treated fairly? Insanity. Thanks for rooting for us Adam

[@ajrt_2118]

The amount of relationships and friendships I have lost because I couldn't articulate this and they thought I didn't care about them.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I hear you. It can be incredibly frustrating and difficult to lose someone due to communication issues. The good news though, is that communication skills can be learned and improved. How are you going to make sure this pattern doesn't repeat itself?

[@ajrt_2118]

@@AttachmentAdam I’m learning to be open and honest about my feelings in a straight forward and compassionate way. I’m working on using the bad news sandwich and also learning that it’s never too late to share with someone who cares if there is a problem or miscommunication. I used to be afraid of speaking up because it was too late or because I’d convince myself the other person wasn’t being mean so it doesn’t matter. I’m also working on telling people how I appreciate them more often. I feel like this has changed the dynamic of relationships I’ve made over this past year. And setting compassionate boundaries has even reconnected me with someone and we respect each other more because of my compassionate honestly and appreciative comments.

[@VJFranzK]

Adam, you are a Saint.

[@robertobravo6834]

A real man loves himself so much that he doesn't need the love of anyone else.

[@AttachmentAdam]

How would you define love?

[@robertobravo6834]

@@AttachmentAdam Well, it's about being the person you really are, regardless of whether someone else appreciate it or not. If you yourself don't act as the person you really are, you simply don't love yourself. And if you don't love yourself, you can't love anyone else like yourself. You can't give what you don't have.

[@amvlieIx.x]

Hey Adam, I'm a psychology student (specializing in systemic therapy), and really appreciate you sharing your super accurate and valuable insights around the attachment styles and how they can be portrayed by others in our lives. Big thanks! :D Can you please give some of your ideas on the disorganized attachment style found in men/women?

[@CatOnTheRun]

The thing is even as an Anxious Attachment individual dealing with someone who is avoidant, you have to realize neither side is right or wrong. I've realized that avoidant's get overwhelmed by having too much on their plate and can lead them to retract themselves. Most of the time, they want their own space to properly reflect on what help them improve their own mental health. Anxious attachers take this space as out of nowhere detachment, and we do everything we can to show them love and affection, even though our intentions are genuine and want to fix things. That makes the avoident to be seen as broken, for someone to just "fix" them. They reality is that Avoidants really want normalcy when things feel a little suffocating around them. I've made the mistske of taking someone's space as being rejected or turned a cold shoulder out of the blue. We want to be reassured by the avoidant, but that will not happen as they are struggling to maintain a clear head and will not give us what we really need for them. It's really hard, and it requires constant communication to work through, and sometimes the best we can do is give them that space. But know that does not mean you should be waiting for them and gepordizing your own mental health. People should do what's best for them individually.

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is a fantastic and insightful comment! You're absolutely right - in relationships with different attachment styles, there's no villain and no victim. It sounds like you've gained a lot of wisdom in navigating this dynamic. I'd love to hear more about your experience. Have you found any specific communication techniques that have been helpful in expressing your need for connection without overwhelming your partner?

[@TheBlessingReport]

Great video

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@karinesavard2016]

The thing is, love should not be this transactional like you say, the very root of the problem. Wanting the best for your partner is key and asking the right questions or reading the non verbal signs is obviously important herein.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Wanting the best for your partner is definitely key, and that's the goal for sure!

[@mjc21706]

Good luck!!!

[@robertarnold9978]

❤😂 I love this video so much fact, I even cried through it when he described that relationship with that man and that woman, it is my relationship right now and I’m gonna go home and use fairness with my wife and hope that she’ll watch this with me and that together we can have the kind of relationship he describes that people can have I look forward to this new journey

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much for this wonderful feedback. I'm glad to hear that the video resonated with you so deeply. It's wonderful that you're inspired to use fairness and work on your relationship together. How do you plan to approach the conversation with your wife about using fairness in your relationship?

[@jaytan915]

Very positive outlook. Avoidant women are anathema to relationships and need to take social responsibility.

[@AttachmentAdam]

It sounds like you've been in a relationship with an avoidant woman before. What was your experience like?

[@jaytan915]

@@AttachmentAdam Hahaha you got me. Since you asked, I'm married for 35 years with 2 grownup children. For the first 20 years, it was hard and intense and we overcame everything together. Then my wife said it was too much talking and too much sex, just too much. She's mostly focussed on her career since. I have had to make sense of things by myself which was rough and it took a long time. Since my youngest daughter left home, I have been in bachelor mode, it is pleasant and I keep it that way. Anyway, I live on the other side of the world from you.

[@daniawania]

This video is better than therapy.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you found the video helpful.

[@taylorbee4010]

The weird thing is if it’s other people initially that did it they ARENT wrong. But underneath the be so many avoidants are charming and lovable. I hate that this gets in the way. My heart loves one now but I’ve almost made her push me completely away. Stepping back is putting a wrench in my stomach especially when she apologized for her former behavior and restarted our connection. To me she’s literally (when in good mental health) the cutest human alive. She charms everyone and can’t see it. Love her to death and can’t stand how I’m currently being treated when it was so close. And other traumatic events and moving are in the way. Help me good sir. I need it and you.

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through. Navigating relationships with different attachment styles can be challenging, but your love and dedication shine through your words. Remember, communication and understanding are key. I am happy to help, please email me at [e-mail]

[@xxsnow_angelxx3953]

The TOO close part is real, it seems you've got anxious attachment. Please learn boundaries and express your needs fairly. Do not push it and read the mood.

[@Pheonix1111]

I am shocked that you are willing to be patient with her. I thought men always reject avoidant women immediately. Could you please explain to me why you are willing to be patient with her?

[@gokuwufei99]

I'm in the same boat brother, im madly in love with an avoidant woman and everything you explained about the charm, beauty, and cuteness is exactly how I feel. Before learning about attachments this year I pushed her away by wanting that relationship. We lived together for 3 years and did everything couples do and act like, but she wouldn't commit and ran away. We're still friends, but every time we hang out I have to push it all down and just be a homie. Ugh I'm really hoping in time we can rebuild slowly to where we once were, but idk. If not, I don't want to lose her in my life. But am I strong enough to just be that friend until the day she gets someone else? Idk that either. I love her. It's hard man. 😢

[@Pheonix1111]

@@gokuwufei99 I am shocked that you are willing to be patient with her. I thought men always reject avoidant women immediately.

[@Kabast]

I was introduced to your channel by my friend yesterday, and I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Wow. I’d love to see more content for women like me.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Happy to have you here! I will absolutely keep that in mind for future content. Is there anything specific you'd like to see me discuss when it comes to avoidant women?

[@NormanInAustralia]

Very revealing, Adam. Thank you. I tried clicking your link to your mentorship program but none of your links seem to work. I'd love to access some of your advice.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Hey thank you for bringing this up, I've had several people reach out letting me know. The domain service is having a maintenance mode and caused an issue tonight, should be resolved by tomorrow. That being said if you want to contact me at [e-mail] I can help get you set up with a direct link to the membership!

[@NormanInAustralia]

@@AttachmentAdam Thank you, Adam.

[@SD-rm5ty]

Wow this is interesting hits a little close.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Did you see yourself in this video? Any part in particular?

[@SD-rm5ty]

The majority of what you said sounds like me but now that I think about it I think I could be disorganized attachment vs just avoidant.

[@michaelread328]

Just a heads up, the Mentorship Program link doesn't work

[@EC-yl7xk]

I'm an avoidant woman and I never knew. My ex boyfriend used to say that I was not affectionate. My sex drive was usually high, but I didn't feel anything and I never had an orgasm. I don't like to look men in the eyes, even when they requested it.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Discovering our attachment styles can be a transformative journey. Remember, self-awareness is the first step towards healing and growth!

[@bm5_5_5]

I relate to this so much.

[@djmikey97]

I watched many people here and the first time I saw this video, it was like you were talking to me and hit home. I am in a relationship (14 Months) with I think is an Avoidant and I am trying to make it work with her as I can see there is greatness underneath that thick skin. Thank you! FYI - Your domain is expired

[@AttachmentAdam]

Your dedication to understanding and supporting your partner is commendable. Remember, growth takes time, but with patience and empathy, you can navigate the complexities of attachment styles together!

[@Pheonix1111]

I am shocked that you are willing to be patient with her. I thought men always reject avoidant women immediately. Could you please explain to me why you are willing to be patient with her? I am avoidant, and I simply seek to understand.

[@djmikey97]

@@Pheonix1111 Hello, Happy to explain on this. I can see the good in her and the potential as a person. She has taught me to be more relaxed in relationships and many other things that I used to fail at. We are both learning from each however it was a struggle in the first 6-8 months. We are now over the hump and more understanding of each others needs. I think if you are willing to learn and accept the person for who they are, you will go far. The mistake I used to make is making someone who they are not and living in a fantasy. I have also been going to therapy during our relationship to work on myself and us. Hope that helps.

[@Pheonix1111]

@@djmikey97 Thank you immensely for your reply. You gave me hope that a man may be patient with me if we were to start getting to know one another. I prefer to start off as friends and progress slowly myself. I am actively working on my avoidant issues. I do not have a problem with accepting a man as he is (other than abusive behaviours). The only person in my life who treated me with respect was my father. However, I am not 100% certain if he loved me, but I always respected and loved him. I am fearful of rejection due to my avoidant issues. My narcissistic mother always told me that no man would ever want me. So thank you for giving me some hope. Your girlfriend just needs understanding, love, patience, and fairness. She needs to feel safe with you. She needs to trust you. She needs to know that her needs can be met without issues. Everything that Adam is teaching is correct. Do what Adam is teaching and your relationship should progress and be successful. I wish you all the best.

[@ChloePapworth]

Very true about me.especially with the attahcment styles I attract !

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm happy to hear this resonates with you. In your opinion, how will this awareness influence the way you approach relationships?

[@smallik81]

I love the bit where he wags his fingers.

[@AttachmentAdam]

🤣

[@tylerroe5175]

How can this be applied to someone you aren’t in a relationship with?? This girl talks to me all the time, wants me around way more often than you’d have a friend around, very clearly has a lot of respect for me, has literally told me she loves me (but in the most avoidant ways/tone possible to make it seem like less of a big deal), but the subject of anything physical between us makes her VERY visibly uncomfortable. She’ll change the subject and start speaking really quickly. She only asks me to hug her when I leave, but very obviously doesn’t want me to leave. It’s not normal rejection, I’m fine with rejection, it’s like there’s a wall and she can’t decide which side of it she wants to be on. I’m a gentle and composed person and I don’t wanna freak her out or cross a boundary, but I also wanna tell her that it’s ok to be vulnerable if she wants to be. Because physical touch is clearly a very vulnerable thing for her. It’s not even about sex for me either, just cuddling or a kiss here and there would be fine with me til she’s more comfortable. I’ve known about avoidant attachment and been in relationships with women like that before, but never this badly. She he matches basically every single qualifier in this video to a tee and I want to know how to respect her properly and figure out how she wants to be loved by someone without having to ask directly because that would probably just scare her. Because I know this is usually trauma based and I’m not owed an explanation on that, I just want to understand so I can treat her properly or move on

[@Drosa777]

You are my new favorite attachment style specialist. Would love to go to the retreat in Colorado. Please share details when you can! Thanks for all you do!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Please email me now at [e-mail] to send you all the details asap.

[@anthonyrico9301]

Hello Adam, this is great video. Please can you make another similar video that hopefully my ex can watch and understand. I lacked this type of communication towards her. Learning about attachment styles is new to me. Thank you

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm glad you found the video helpful! Understanding attachment styles can indeed be transformative. Is there a specific topic or question you have about avoidant attachment style in women that you'd like me to discuss?

[@SirBLM]

OMG more like this. My wife will swear up and down that she's "secure", but you just described the last 20 years of my life with her.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Unfortunately, I’ve encountered many many many scenarios where a woman will claim she’s 100% secure and it’s often her projecting all of the problems completely under her husband. There are definitely cases where the woman is the secure one, but it seems to be the minority of actual experiences.

[@SirBLM]

@@AttachmentAdam nailed it, I've spent the last 2 years on personal development after being led to believe all of the relationship problems were my fault. I'm disorganized so I've got a lot to work on, but fixing my anxious side (your attachment course helped!) has really opened my eyes to what's really going on here.

[@Lady.Luck.]

Incredible video. I think I teter on some avoidant tendencies. I am willing to share my needs for some time but if my partner dismisses them or goes back to their old ways I end up giving up after awhile. I did the same thing where I faced away during sex during the last couple years of my relationship.

[@americanlawdawg3609]

Omg this is my wife ! She wasn’t like this when we first met, it was after she became sober from alcohol. I don’t think she has it really bad but it’s definitely there. I want to address it but honestly…I don’t want to piss her off. We’ve been together for 15 years, married 13 years. Our kids have since moved out and now it’s just us two with the cats and dogs in this big house. I’m so happy I found this video, makes me feel like 1-I’m not alone in this, and 2- I’m not losing my mind, it’s real and not my imagination. 😅

[@AttachmentAdam]

You're definitely not losing your mind. Good that she's sober now, but that alcohol was likely covering up deeper problems and pains. She's also likely not happy either. I do have a lot of resources to help. Feel free to reach out to me at [e-mail] if you want any resources for yourself or to share with her - this can get so much better.

[@saurabh7667]

more please, make a series soon

[@AttachmentAdam]

Thank you for your interest and encouragement! Is there a particular topic you'd like to see covered? Stay tuned for more content coming your way.

[@IgnaPg]

@@AttachmentAdam what about fearful avoidant women?

[@mandic4998]

You are so good and this is ME! 💯 Wow you are really good Adam. I need a coaching call can we do that?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Yes we can, send me an email at [e-mail] and we can get started.

[@Pheonix1111]

11:47 21:11 1. Fairness and consistency 2. Share expectations clearly and measurably 3. Recognize knowledge gaps/ignorance/confusion

[@AttachmentAdam]

Great approaches to this relationship. Can you implement them?

[@DejaRichardsonArt]

The sales tactics in this video is interesting

[@lauramcpherson55]

Yes i am! I was in the legal field cop & paralegal. Now business owner. Very logical minded. My mother a narcissist, dad was my rock. Dad passed young & was stuck with mother. Ive been called hard & cold. 1st husband abusive, 2nd taught me i deserve love but he passed young. So I've got abandonment issues, so i push away. Ive been thru countless therapy. Does not help! Agree with everything youve said but i have high sex drive but i have to be the alpha. I want to cuddle but not for long. I want more & i deserve it. Im trying. Now im in a off & on relationship with an avoidant man. We are closer but i want more.

[@hansolo4575]

Yeah I’m glad I found this video but want more videos like this

[@AttachmentAdam]

I have a ton of avoidant videos on this channel, what other topics are you looking for?

[@MayBlake_Channel]

How do I know if I'm Avoidant or not? Some of it seems really accurate to me but then some of it is like "whoa, that is NOT me at all!" ? I think my attitude is secure attachment when I'm getting my needs met; then when they aren't getting met, my attitude changes more to like "well, fine, I don't really need you anyway". Is what I'm describing maybe just a mix of avoidnt and secure?

[@honpolyo]

Cold Cold Heart - Hank Williams Sr. Hold on - Kansas

[@MichaelMike]

I was with an avoidant woman and I can attest that she was closed, didn't know how to love, had low sex drive, didn't have many friends, didn't communicate her needs. *Ugh*. What a chore it was 😢

[@AttachmentAdam]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Being in a relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style can indeed be challenging and exhausting. What steps are you taking to find a relationship that meets your needs?

[@paulbooij7594]

I used the term "Ice Queen." She is impossible to connect with. Thanks for this video.