How to Make Friends As An Autistic Adult

Making friends can be challenging for everyone, but especially for autistic adults. We have social differences that tend to make things a little more complicated. In this video we will explore 5 simple tips to make the process of connecting with others a little smoother and more accessible, no matter where you fall on the spectrum.
💻 ONLINE COURSE How to Unmask: Cultivating Your True Autistic Self: taylorheaton.podia.com/how-to...
📪 Business Mailing Address 📬
Taylor Heaton
8901 Tehama Ridge Parkway, Suite 127
PMB 680
Fort Worth, TX 76177
🌟 ⏩ Connect with others like you in an Autistic Community Group: taylorheaton.as.me/schedule.php
👉 ✴️ 1-on-1 Session with Taylor: taylorheaton.as.me/?appointme...
❤️ 🧡 💛 MY FAVORITE THINGS 💚 💙 💜
ONO Fidget Roller (affiliate link): bit.ly/3xLZnQY (use code: MOMONTHESPECTRUM for 10% off at checkout)
Flare Earbuds for Sensory Overwhelm (affiliate link): www.flareaudio.com/momonthesp...
Manta Weighted Sleep Mask (affiliate link): bit.ly/3n3l64I (use code: MOMONTHESPECTRUM for 10% off at checkout)
🌟 MORE RESOURCES: www.momonthespectrum.life
🚨TWO THINGS I FORGOT TO MENTION IN THE VIDEO:🚨
There are two Reddit pages I found that might be interesting places to explore and an awesome app that can be helpful for communicating called Marco Polo!
REDDIT
Friends on the Spectrum: / friendsonthespectrum
Autistic Adults: / autisticadults
MARCO POLO
Recorded video chats that allow you to interact face-to-face in a non-live format. Watch your friends' responses at your convenience without the social pressure of immediately responding. The app is free.
www.marcopolo.me/
🟥🟧🟨 SUPPORT THE CHANNEL 🟩🟦🟪
1️⃣ If you have been positively impacted by the channel and would like to show your support, you can do so in the following ways:
🟢 Venmo: @TaylorHeaton
🔵 PayPal: paypal.me/MomOnTheSpectrum
2️⃣ MELTDOWN SURVIVAL GUIDE ⭐️✨🤩💃💪
Name Your Price for my custom-created 11-page Meltdown Survival Guide to help you make it through the tough times.
👉 taylorheaton.gumroad.com/l/me...
👏🏻 FREE 👏🏻 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT 🦾
🟥 SUBSCRIBE to the channel
🟧 LIKE the videos that are helpful to you
🟨 COMMENT in the comment section
🟩 Click the “bell” to be notified when I release new videos
🙏 Thank you immensely to those of you who have already donated, been active on the channel, and/or purchased the Meltdown Survival Guide!
WhatDreamsAreMadeOf # IsThisMyLife
Please SUBSCRIBE to my channel and LIKE this video. It helps my videos show up for other people like you and me AND helps support me as I continue making videos!
📱Share your friend-making tips with me in the comments! 💃
⏱ TIMESTAMPS ➡️
Click any of the blue timestamps below to jump to a specific section in the video.
Intro (1:30)
Making Friends Can Be Challenging! (2:00)
Be The Friend You Want to Find (2:31)
Reconnect With Old Friends (4:27)
Support a Cause (5:21)
Find a Group that Shares Your Special Interest (5:59)
Join an Exercise Group (7:24)
Hang Out In Places That Attract The Types of Friends You Seek (8:01)
Interact in a Way That Feels Good To You (8:59)
Talk Through Your Experience (9:31)
Making Friends Takes Time (10:09)
MOTS Community (11:10)
Response from Medication and Autism Video (11:45)
My Own Friendships (12:15)
Play Up Your Strengths (13:17)
Upcoming Video (14:01)
💻 RESOURCES 📚
Cup of Sunshine Tea: www.traditionalmedicinals.com...
Meetup.com: www.meetup.com/home/
Embrace Autism: embrace-autism.com
Great resource for all things Autism
Asperger Experts: www.aspergerexperts.com/
Inviting and safe autistic community with helpful resources.
___________________________________
I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.
I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.
Females are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.
Music by Milky Wayvers ("Mountain")
/ milky-wayvers-mountain
#autism #autistic #aspergers

[@izzyhendrix2651]

I am in a weird friend phase. I was always considered a "social butterfly" but over the pandemic, my mask fell off and I was just being fully myself and very blunt about social justice opinions with everyone, and I lost most of my "friends"... this caused me to reflect on a lot of social difficulty i've had and eventually lead to my autism diagnosis. At 34, it's really hard to re-build a social network but I am taking my time and hope to have a much more authentic social network in the future. I appreciate your videos, thanks!

[@amyrebeccaperez5240]

Hi Izzy...so glad you stumbled on this community and your connection to autism. I leaned alot into being my more "authentic self" through the pandemic as well and it has led to wonderful things.. including the realization that I have ADHD and autism which unravels & explains a lot..very comforting to my inner self💗.. Wishing you joy & peace on your journey of self discovery & healing 💗🙏💗

[@louiseanne830]

I relate to this a lot. I am 31 and my younger mask has gone. I'm very outspoken about similar things have lost some friends. I also am working on asserting boundaries and doing this after a dynamic has been established and then losing the friend as they don't want to adapt, has been a challenge for me too.

[@danpop1235]

mabey you are the poblem? if by social justice opinions you mean calling everyone else evil then yea you problay are the problem. it could also be that you have been radicalized with out your time alone online. not saying it is not there falt but just as other people can be at fault you can be at fault. expacly if others conserderd you a social butterfly and you are going to a autsim chanle if you are self dignosed you are problemy just picking up a disorder as a form of identity.

[@artifundio1]

I started losing "friends" before the pandemic, but it's the same feeling as you described. At the core I am the same person, but I think they liked my masking better than me. It has been very tough. I was also considered a sort of social butterfly. Now my closest good friend lives 4 hours away, otherwise I am on my own. It's scary, and sad sometimes. I try to think that this is just a period of my life and it will pass. Still it's hard. I am sending much love to you and hopes for friendlier times for all.

[@molchmolchmolchmolch]

Interesting. I never had many friends bc I was always very blunt and also didn't think much of most ppl. So many are superficial and hypocritical and I get nothing out of that. I am a little less restrictive now that I'm your age but mostly bc I realised I have more options now and also ppl aren't as absolutely stupid anymore as they were from 0 to 20+. But I'm still not easily digestible you could say and don't have that many friends but a few really close ones. I would like to have someone to go dancing with and stuff but other than that I'm pretty good with one or to close friends nearby that I can see regularly. I was always criticised and cautioned for outspokenness on injustices etc but I never changed that to placate others or fit in bc I didn't even want to fit in with ppl who were fine with the way things were and are going. And I am very proud of that. You will find ppl who appreciate that sort of thing. Although I do have to work on getting too aggressive at times with certain topics or ppl. Sometimes it's justified (in my view) but at other times it really is destructive in a way that I don't like and I regret. (As separate from the times where I'm absolutely fine with it being destructive. Sometimes things need to be destroyed and no one else is willing to do it or even to acknowledge it.)

[@memery2781]

As an autistic woman, some of the most helpful friendship advice I've ever heard was (poorly paraphrasing)-- It's not possible to be everyone's friend and it's a social drain to expect that of yourself. It is okay to save your social energy for people who fulfill you. I don't know exactly why, but ever since I was a kid I've had the worst trouble with draining, unhealthy friendships and people pleasing. I suspect it might stem from my inability to understand social situations and masking to fit in with everyone I meet. I've left a lot of those unhealthy friendships behind now, but it's left me with a lot of anxiety about forming new friendships. This advice has helped me understand the wisdom of being intentional with my limited social energy. It gives me peace of mind to realize it's okay to politely say no to people and events that aren't going to foster relationships that are important to me. It doesn't mean I hate those people -- we just don't have to be friends! We can be pleasant acquaintances and I can save my energy for the friend or family member that excites me and supports me. I love your videos Taylor, keep em coming!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This is wonderful advice! Thank you so much for taking the time to share it here.

[@kalonakitu]

thank you for this comment. I can relate to what you're saying.

[@brianmeen2158]

“Limited social energy” “A lot of anxiety about forming new friendships” These two things sun me up right now. At the age of 39 I realize I need to create new relationships but I have such a small social battery that I have to be very hyper vigilant about who I befriend .. very few people can understand my social boundaries

[@emiliajonsson1891]

@@brianmeen2158 i feel you on that.

[@passaggioalivello]

As an undiagnosed autistic child, coming from a dysfunctional family, I never had friends or acquaintances. The other kid preferred bullying the "weirdo". As an adult, I tried being a volounteer in several different charity and disable people associations, or join ludic or sports clubs, but despite that, people keep bullying me because I'm quirky. I gave up. I'm alone and it's totally fine, I only want people to leave me alone.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I'm sorry to hear about these negative experiences. Bullies can really leave a mark. I am also sorry to hear you've dealt with this as an adult too. Thank you for sharing your experiences here. You are not alone!

[@passaggioalivello]

​@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you, I mean it.

[@joycebrewer4150]

Sounds like your childhood and young adulthood were similar to mine. Only when I joined a residence for retired people did I find a measure of acceptance outside my immediate family. In a way, we here have all survived so much, we know we need to give others grace for times they may not be able to participate as we wish

[@passaggioalivello]

@@joycebrewer4150 I'm so sorry you had a similar experience, but I'm glad you're in a better situation today. My adulthood is still a nightmare.

[@artifundio1]

I feel almost the same way. I'm still trying to meet people. But seems like an impossible task sometimes. I am a caring person. Not having someone else to interact in close friendship for so many years is having an impact con my sanity. Along with many other challenges to my sanity... In my 20 million habitants country of origin we only have "programs" and support for noticeably autistic kids in school settings. Nothing for functional autistic kids and absolutely nothing for adults. No community. Having a diagnosis is expensive and useless. Even dangerous for your pocket, from a health provider costs perspective. I cannot imagine how lonely I would be if I didn't speak english! I'm just finding out this community, and I feel optimistic. Thanks for sharing, you are not alone in being alone.

[@justynago6604]

I have 2 best friends whom I can always count on - my cats! One seems to have ADHD and the other seems to be on the spectrum, so we all understand one another.

[@julierosie62]

I’ve recently lost contact with someone who I had considered a good friend. I’m extremely surprised to find the overwhelming feeling I have is one of relief. I’ve realised she was such a negative person, nobody had ever had a harder life than she, yada yada…and if I didn’t join her pity party she would get quite aggressive with me. It was only once I was ‘allowed’ to step back that I saw all this clearly. She had said some pretty horrible things prior to this, and it was only through my efforts that we reconciled, but she never apologised, and I never quite forgave her, as it was egregious and almost childlike, also delivered at a time when I was vulnerable. This time I saw what was happening far clearer, perhaps as it wasn’t such a surprise, and I saw it for what it was; a way to manipulate me into behaving as she wanted me to. My life is a lot happier now. I guess what I’m saying is that due to me not having many friends I had thought I needed to hang on to those I had, even if they weren’t a good friend. Since she’s been off the scene, ironically, I’ve found I had more friends than I had realised - I simply didn’t have the time or energy to engage with them once I had dealt with her daily demands. A bad friend is worse than no friends; even if I didn’t have these people, I wouldn’t want her in my life now I see her more clearly. She had upset me already, by how she had treated two of her other ‘friends’ shortly before this latest incident, so I guess it all happened just at the right time. It’s important to realise this I think, we are worth good friends, good, kind people, in our lives. We don’t have to accept second rate (or third, or fourth 😂) just because we don’t have many. Without her belittling me constantly (making me quite depressed, I’ve also been able to come off my antidepressants since she’s out of my life) I am now able to focus on these people who were patiently waiting in the wings, unbeknownst to me. It’s a funny old life, sometimes!

[@brianmeen2158]

I’ve went through the same thing with a few “friends” in my life. I put effort into listening to their problems and offering advice but after awhile I realized 80% of our conversations consisted of them complaining endlessly about their problems . What’s worse is they didn’t return the favor when I had issues . So I cut ties with these people and actually regret putting energy into their friendship . This has me a bit defensive about new friendships as I’m on the lookout for “energy vampires”..

[@kathrynhopkins]

The whole friendship thing is hard. Recently thought I was becoming friends with both my neighbours. Had lots of lovely chats but one after the other they've gone really bad because I think I just misread situations, over-share, and end up with nice gestures backfiring on me. I think life is less complicated if I just keep myself to myself and keep to the 2 friends I've who just accept me.

[@eisdamme]

I left my small ND support network of 20+ years when I moved across the country after getting married. It's doubly hard because I'm mostly housebound/disabled/chronically ill. I haven't made any friends since moving four years ago because I can't really leave the house without an escort, which I don't have. I'm alone with my cats a lot. It's pretty crushing.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I'm sorry to hear this. Sounds like your ND support network was a big loss that is tough to replace. I spend a lot of time with my cats, too. Sometimes they help, but other times, there's nothing like a good friend. Thinking of you and sending *autistically acceptable* hugs. :)

[@altitudeiseverything3163]

This really resonated with me. I’ve been semi-homebound with disabling chronic illness for 30 years and that alone makes it so hard to meet people and develop friendships. Even during my “better” periods, when I’ve pushed myself to go out and join groups, volunteer, or socialize with my husband’s friends, none of that has resulted in any close or lasting friendships. Now that I (recently) discovered that I’m autistic, I realize why! Well… not *exactly* why, since I can never really pinpoint what goes wrong. So discouraging! I just wanted you to know that there are likely many of us out here, more isolated than we wish to be and with limited options for changing that. Hang in there! ❤️🤗❤️

[@heidikarpa2278]

I so feel what you’re saying. I’m nd and a disabled cancer survivor. All my activities I loved I can’t do. It’s such a loss. That was brave to speak up and share where you are right now. There is the website/app called SkillShare that’s kept me connected- small online classes (fun!) about every possible topic. I get to do something I like for a short bit and it’s brought me back to my love of art. It’s a small manageable step I do to feel more connected. Live online groups were the next step I took. Most studios/organizations offer scholarships- I had to learn to ask. Don’t know if any of my assists will be helpful for you - please know there are more of us out here. ❤

[@whitneymason406]

Since we moved from Montana to Pennsylvania 2 months ago just as I got my diagnosis I've been really struggling in the friendship department. I know that I'm lonely but I don't have the confidence to put myself out there to make new friends in my new area. My old friendships have become a bit one-sided. I wind up always being the one having to reach out and initiate conversations. It gets really draining. I don't know if it's just the culture these days and everyone is just super busy or what. So then my mind tends to wander to thoughts "Was it something I did?" or "Did I say the wrong thing?" My autistic son will start a new special ed. school this summer and I'm hoping I can meet some parents there who understand what it's like to have a neurodivergent family. In the meantime I've been retreating to KZbin to watch videos like yours because it has been so supportive and reassuring to know I'm not alone. I'm learning to listen to what I need and to be ok with it, even if it's not what everyone else is doing. I so needed this Tay! Thanks for the video and sharing your experience! ❤️

[@CinkSVideo]

I might suggest looking at some of the AANE meetups. I hate zoom meetings but find these really positive. I’m not the oddball there and that is really reassuring.

[@whitneymason406]

@@CinkSVideo thank you for the suggestion!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So much wisdom in the last half of your post! I do think your son's school might be a great place to find some like-minded individuals. Sounds like a good time to be learning what you're learning - advocating for what you need even if it's different than what others need. Hang in there, friend!

[@wertywerrtyson5529]

I can so relate to having to constantly reach out and I always wonder if the person simply doesn’t want to talk to me but doesn’t want to be rude and say it. Every time I ask it’s “No sorry I was just busy “ but then it goes months without hearing anything but if I bump into the person at the store it’s like all of a sudden we are friends and she wants to hear about my life. I was so happy to have a female friend for the first time ever and I told her things I’ve never told anyone IRL except my wife like my gender confusion but when she had a baby she pretty much stopped talking to me. I have kids as well and I’m fully aware that you can be busy but talking 3 months to respond to a text?! But it’s confusing because while it seems she doesn’t want to be friends anymore she sometimes can say things like I am the only reason she manage to go to work because she has me as a colleague. But since we work from home since covid we barely talk anymore. She used to write long messages talking about her feelings and thanking me for listening but now I haven’t talked to her in 2 months and I just feel like I don’t care anymore. Because she doesn’t seem to care. I’m also concerned maybe her husband doesn’t like her being friends with me even if for me it’s purely a friendship thing he might be jealous.

[@mishaireland2944]

I used to want to have close friends for nearly all my life but I've learnt to do without that I really dont mind anymore.

[@LadyJennivieve]

Ever since I made peace with my vibe attracting my tribe, I’ve become surrounded by so many genuine friends who appreciate my honesty, and the vast majority of them are neurodivergent, or extremely understanding of the neurodiverse mind. I have a friend who fills in the blanks of what is confusing me in someone’s behaviour. I also have another friend who translates communication that I’m struggling with. My boss is also a brilliant advocate for me, constantly making sure I have all the support and structure I need.

[@curiouslittlefrog]

Awh thanks for calling me your friend! I always watch your videos and talk about you so my husband says “oh she’s your friend she just doesn’t know it yet”… I will have to tell him that you DO know we are friends ❤️ haha! It’s silly but it just feels like you know me so well, and we think more alike than any of my NT friends (which is a lot of my friends). It just feels like a very comfortable place to be, like I’m sitting here in your piano room with you! xo Brenna

[@spaceypuppy6738]

Only tangentially related, but being a 20 year old autisticADHD person, even though I still live with my father I feel as though I've been entirely left to my own defences when it comes to everyday life, including social interactions. Most times I say something I didn't realize was inappropriate, or awkward, all I'm met with is silence, and then I know *something's* wrong, but I'm left guessing internally and feeling stupid and lost and embarrassed. Nobody tells me what's appropriate or not to say, even when I outright ask "if I say anything uncomfortable please tell me so I can keep learning" they just go quiet. And I have no idea which part of my comment was wrong. I am stranded on a tiny island and the person with the life raft is just watching me flail and scream for help.

[@77tomt]

Don’t forget that some people are just self centered and don’t listen to others and there are other reasons people don’t respond like they may not get what you are saying because they aren’t quick enough to get the humor or relate to it. There may be some who are aware of your diagnosis / Divergence and choose to rudely ignore you if others are around. There are all types. I wouldn’t choose to spend time with these folks anyway. You’ll find others to befriend.

[@pissqueendanniella4688]

I just found your channel the other day and I love your videos. I wasn't diagnosed with...anything until I was 30 (Bipolar, ADHD, PTSD, Generalised Anxiety, Autism..woo! hit the jackpot!!) and it's been a wild ride since then but finding channels like yours have really helped me better understand why I am lol Also I want to say your glasses are SO CUTE omg

[@kalonakitu]

Going to make a cup of tea for myself right now.

[@louise2091]

I went for an assessment and was told I wasn't on the autism spectrum because I want to have friends and a meaningful relationship.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Wow. That sounds incredibly invalidating and unhelpful. I’m so sorry to hear you received that kind of treatment and I wish you had the opportunity to speak to someone more well-informed.

[@louise2091]

@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you for your reply. . Your words help me to feel better..

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You are welcome.

[@altitudeiseverything3163]

I have an appointment and this is *exactly* what I’m afraid of! I’m not the type of person who reads about any number of conditions and thinks, “Oh, I must have that!” However, when I first watched a video by an autistic person describing their life experience, I felt truly understood for the first time in my life! After 3 months of intensive searching and reflection, rather than finding signs that I’m not, I’ve found only confirmation. This explains the last 60 years so well, including why I’ve always struggled to make and keep friends (even though I wanted them). If I’m told that I’m not autistic, I just don’t think I’ll believe them at this point.

[@louise2091]

@@altitudeiseverything3163 I'm still convinced I am. I told the psychiatrist that I wanted to be in a relationship because at 62 I have never been married and I live alone. He said that I couldn't be on the spectrum if I want to be in a relationship. My online research and disproves this. My eldest daughter has been diagnosed twice and she can't bear to be alone. If I had a redo I would keep quiet about that. Good luck. I'm interested to hear how you get on.

[@mikelundun]

From across the pond, the teabag is the classic comfort tea!

[@marksmadhousemetaphysicalm2938]

As a person with autism and a survivor of 2 TBIs...it's really hard...and with the plague (as I call it) people have gotten uglier...lost their care and compassion...so it's become an excuse to only think of one's self...we have to take care of ourselves...or we fall apart...I've tried to pour from my empty cup all too often...I'm a caretaker by nature...and I've gotten sick and even hospitalized for not taking care of me...but here's the rub...there are no relationships if we all only think and care for ourselves...sigh...it's finding that balance that I find so hard...

[@77tomt]

Give where you feel good giving and practice saying “ sorry, I 😅 can’t” or “No” more.

[@barbarafinigan8786]

Thanks Tay❣️🙋🏼‍♀️ Tea bag in tea! Lol and so true! So glad I found you! Husband, son and grandson on spectrum. Only grandson freely admits to it. I believe because the knowledge and acceptance grows daily! And you are one of the reason why. Sister may also be on the spectrum. She often will comment that she believes she has something wrong with her. I tell her that being her beautiful self is never wrong!❣️❣️❣️Barb from California

[@sweetcrusader86]

Hey Barb, I'm Absentia in Australia and I just had to butt in here because on the other chronological end of this, my parents and grandparents are clearly autistic but want me to be the only one. It's super hurtful and they don't care to understand how much they're pushing me out and making unsafe environments for me. I can't really consider myself as having a family. The point is, I just got so entrenched in this dynamic and seeing it around that your comment surprised me. That gives me so much hope. I've wasted so many words on these people but maybe others will be receptive. It's another way that it's not actually me against the world. Thank you for sharing your experiences and sorry for the unsolicited overshare ☺️

[@johannachaput4874]

I really appreciate you. Thank you for making this channel and for your helpful content! 💓

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for taking the time to leave this comment. I'm glad you're here Johanna!

[@leeboriack8054]

I so appreciate your podcasts, thank you!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're very welcome, Lee!

[@kalonakitu]

Thank you. I needed to see this. ❤

[@BloomByCC]

Wow! It's okay to just be myself and find my own tribe... Sage advice❤

[@gailsimburger9715]

Awesome video, can so relate to everything Tay discussed. Making and keeping friends is very difficult for me. I do have a few long term friends and it doesn’t feel like any time has lapsed since I last saw them though it could be months or even years. Why am I so content to busy myself alone?

[@kalonakitu]

thanks for this video. I just got diagnosed, I appreciate the info. I'm working on this very thing.

[@Theausomemomclub]

This video made me feel so comfortable and understood. Thank you for your content ✨🧡!

[@lynngoett488]

I tend to hibernate or go into lock down for long periods of time. Most people don’t understand how hard it is for me to reach out. I only go to the grocery store when I have to. Most people will not reach out to me and when they do I tend to make it short because it’s so awkward. I have not been told I’m on the spectrum but I think i likely am.

[@KerryFairbanks]

I know I'm a flakey person. Not that I cancel plans but I never make them to begin. And then when I do have someone inviting me to an event is usually "too spontaneous" for me and there's a 99% chance I'm going to decline. But on the other hand I'm very spontaneous which makes it hard to include others. I'll randomly decide to go hiking, biking, running etc in the middle of the day and I know people generally can't just drop everything an go hiking in an hour. But then when I have something planned ahead of time, I feel constricted and social pressure. Because even though I agreed to go mountain biking 2 days ago, I may not feel like it on the actual day. I have a general outline to my days but I know it can seem haphazard to an outsider. Am I going to go to the gym today? Yes. When? I don't know yet. Maybe 2pm, maybe 10pm.

[@velvetverbosity]

💯

[@brockseeman7808]

Great video! I've recently joined up with 2 different community bands, slow progress on friends there, but in time! And also a dart league at my local VFW, being a veteran is definitley helpful to make connections with the same types of people!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Awesome! Sounds like great steps. Thanks so much for sharing! Cheering you on!

[@amyrebeccaperez5240]

Great video Taylor.. it's so important to understand our needs in relationships and that not all friendships are the same. I have been blessed to have a wonderful blend of different friends in my life as "my tribe"💗...So happy to be connected to your community to expand my tribe some more ☺️

[@MomontheSpectrum]

yay! I'm so glad you're part of the community, Amy. :)

[@stormyjensen8077]

Traditional medicinals is an amazing tea maker ❤ beautiful. And thanks for the videos! I also struggle with friendships.. it's good to know we aren't alone. ❤

[@GemmasJourneyGrace]

Hey What a fantastic video :) thank you for explaining everything so clearly x

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hey Gemma! You’re welcome. So glad you enjoyed the video

[@louiseanne830]

This is great advice thank you so much

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Glad it was helpful!

[@MommaDuck7]

I'm not sure this topic could be exhausted. I love watching all of them.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for your comment, Melissa!

[@ammogan]

I find myself wishing my whole life that I had a friend like me. I wind up being taken advantage of by "friends."

[@deannne]

I have always had the same wish. My boyfriend is pretty much me in a male body and I'm so grateful. I still find that I wish I had a female friend that is like me, not out of vanity, but because I feel that my list of what being a good friend is quite different from others, and I can't maintain a 'normal' friendship because of that.

[@nighthawk244]

One thing I did when I was younger but stopped as I got older is communicating on multiplayer video games. They could just stay as someone to play with but there is the potential to turn into a real friendship

[@bryanmerton5153]

Hi Tay, awesome video. Some great advice! Most of my friends are long term friends. Like you I don’t feel the need to necessarily be with them all of the time. I enjoy their company, but I am happy with times that we are apart. I always text and send emails to keep current and we do that back and forth as well as post on Facebook. Since I was diagnosed with ADHD so young I always mention it as I get to know people. I say something like I have ADHD and though I might really be interested in what you are saying I might drift off😀. MY two best friends have a code word for me “squirrel.” When I hear that I know I have stopped listening and I can return my focus back to them. It is embarrassing sometimes when they say “What part did you miss” and I say the part from the beginning😱. It is funny that I have been at my company for 34 years and I have only one close friend from work. People love to work with me because I am easy going and like to have fun, I just don’t really want to get to know most on a deep level. I am not sure why, but perhaps it’s because I am masking so much at work. Another possibility is that I don’t understand what most people are into. Like I have said, before finding out I am autistic I felt like an alien. I still feel somewhat like an alien because my interests and focus seem to be outside the norm. Fortunately the friends I have are similar to me in many ways so we can find common ground. Also, and this is contrary to the phrase “one cannot have too many friends”, I feel I can’t handle anymore friends. I am really enjoying your videos. I love your vibe and I love how you put yourself out there for all of us. I too feel like I have had a lovely chat with a friend after watching your videos! Take care and see you on the next one.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for your kind and sweet words! I bet I would also like working with you. I can tell you have a fun and disarming vibe. Seems like you're learning a lot about what types of friendships fit your life. That's so important. Yeah, seems like sayings like "one cannot have too many friends" just sometimes don't apply to us ND's! And I can totally relate about zoning out on conversations. Most of the time I drift off BECAUSE I'm paying attention and I take an idea that was shared in the conversation off in a different direction in my brain. I promise I'm listening!!! :)

[@CatShark27]

I really really needed this video thanks so much

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're welcome! thanks for your comment

[@niirceollae2]

It's easier to find a partner than it is to find a friend imo.

[@bobgamble8204]

For me a friend is someone who I don't really need to communicate with with any regularity, and when I do only for a minute at a time, and then only to talk about things that I'm specially interested in. Unsurprisingly I don't think anyone else really cares to have that kind of relationship, and honestly I'm fine with that. I'd like to be more "normal" in that regard, but honestly, who can be bothered with the effort and the drama. For all that, I take no joy in being hard work for people, so it's better for them if I just leave people alone and stay out of their way

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

Hitting up an earlier video to say you’re so multi talented!!! Keep it up Tay!! 🦾🦾🦾

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you jaredddddd

[@jcool0122]

I haven't made a new friend in 25 years. I have plenty of acquaintances, but none of them are people I'd feel comfortable reaching out to for any reason at all. But i feel comfortable enough to have a conversation with them when i run into them. All of them are former coworkers.

[@noahschmidt6887]

I am 20 years old and am on the spectrum and a student in community college. My tips for making friends be yourself not someone else be honest with people about being autistic and explain it to them.

[@jeannette7154]

Interestingly this topic is one of my goals that I presented to my therapist when we first met about six months ago. I'm just now getting around to seeking an official diagnosis for autism. As we work together through the process, it is clear that being undiagnosed has definitely hindered by ability to see why I have struggled so much over the years. I'm hoping that this will all start to make sense as I progress on this journey. Talking about special interests: One of mine is blacksmithing. When I tell people about it they are always interested because it is different than what they might expect. I'm happy to talk about it for a few minutes, but I've found after a while, I'm DONE. I'm ready to crawl back into my house and not talk to anyone for a couple of days. Do you ever experience this when talking about your special interests? Happy to talk for a little while but then find you are overstimulated and just need a break??

[@77tomt]

Yes. We ND get that at times. It’s like a shut down when we just can’t handle any more. If it’s someone who is close to you It’s healthy for you to let them know your done talking and “burnt out” and need some peace and quiet.

[@blank_notyou]

I also saw a therapist to figure out how to determine how to choose which friends to invest in and how to makes a relationship last and figure out what I did wrong in the past the reason they didn't last. She, unfortunately, just wanted to focus on how to meet people.....

[@alexanderthompson9500]

I agree with reconnecting with old friends to some degree and also this is a great analogy I thought of. me personally I feel like we as people. We are like books which have many chapters in.. some of my friends in the past I need to stay away from because we are not on the same page anymore and some of them are still stuck on chapter 2 in their lives and I’m on chapter 7 with my life. That being said we all evolve into a new person. And people change for the good of bad. Also as I learned in life people are only in your life for a season. People will come and go. I try not to get so attached so quickly to people because you never know if that person is going to truly be cool with you or reject you or pretend like they like you which is the worst.. but long story short. There will be always many people to meet and talk to and socialize with but a true genuine life long best friend is like one in a million these days.

[@jliller]

My high school and post-high school friends kept moving away for their careers and I wasn't really able to replace them. I was very frustrated in my 20s how I would join meetup groups, attend events, etc and the people I'd meet who shared my interest usually seemed very unlike me. They usually seem too...normal. (The Double Empathy Problem has been a major problem for me throughout adulthood.) In one gaming hobby in particular I participated extensively for a decade and I heard so many stories from people about the many friends they made through that hobby, but I made zero lasting friendships from it. I think having a high IQ with ASD helps me overcome functional problems better than other NTs, but makes socializing harder. Even finding out I'm autistic isn't helpful for making friends. Interacting with noticeably autistic people, especially other guys, usually overstimulates me, and makes me feel very self-conscious ("Is this how other people see me? No wonder I scare people off!"). However, I'm finding I interact pretty well with people who have ADHD, so maybe I should try finding a group of those people, even though my iADHD is secondary to my ASD1.

[@isabellekeyzer]

many of my friendships faded away because i realize that i am mis understood and even if i clarify things, the person doesn't get it and then I don't dare to say what's alive in me anymore because i know how they wil interpret it and it gets so complicated and distorted after a while that i feel i lose trust. Being misunderstood is the lonely story of my life... i have a default setting that i always assume the best intention in what others say or do. But it seems other people often don't.

[@janiethecraftprincess]

I'm glad I found your channel and I'm your new subbie 😊 Hugs....Janie

[@Kakohoguya5768]

As a Russian AuDHDer all those comments about isolation are so true.

[@kintrap5376]

I would love to hear you talk more about employment, autistic burnout, working from home, managing a full time schedule, etc. Diagnosed at 26 at a crisis of fatigue and having a very hard time managing life

[@MomontheSpectrum]

thanks for the suggestion!

[@florentinaguggenheimer6557]

Great idea. I'd like that too.

[@alexisunicorn5498]

Thank you Tay for another well thought out video with some great content! I love the advice about reconnecting with friends that have been in your life a long time. That is one I would follow. Zoom meeting though, no. LOL Am I the only one weirded out by them? I actually quit a sunday school class because I couldn't stand how uncomfortable I felt (this was the only way we could meet during covid).I tried pointing the camera at my forehead and the ceiling, I tried acting like I was doing something. But, there was still a need to mask so I felt like I wasn't able to concentrate on the lesson. I was also too focused on other people's expressions and movement. Hot tea is a great way to calm down! Love it. I should start drinking it again.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

No you're not the only one. Zoom meetings are HARD!!!! That's part of the reason (one of many) I'm changing careers. When the pandemic hit, I had to switch my private lessons to zoom lessons and I just couldn't take it anymore.

[@kellybarrett1895]

Great content. My adult meetup group in Seattle had a question about this. We never made it to talking about it, mabey next time.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks Kelly! Please let me know if you have any suggestions for future videos that might be helpful to you.

[@coolrae1979]

I am just figuring this out. When I go out at night I like it to be either a drag show or karaoke bar. I can watch performances, or just sing songs. A friend said you're kind of shy; you just go up there. I said yes. I know the song. There's a script and I know how it's supposed to sound. They were so confused. It makes perfect sense to me.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Me too!

[@princessfrogdiaries9379]

I am struggling a lot… I am 27 and I realize that I haven’t made a new close friend since adolescence. I am lucky to still have the majority of my close friendships (mostly all formed in childhood or adolescence) but a lot of them to moved away to other cities. I always thought I was an introvert, but during the pandemic, people seemed to enjoy being away from people, I missed my friends a lot. I missed going to class a lot & talking to people, as awkward as I was. I still need to recharge after social situations, but I love my friends very much, and I am terrified about losing them, so sometimes I am not 100% authentic. Thankfully, nearly all my close friends are ND as well, so less masking. I struggle so much with making new friends, I am more aware of my social awkwardness now, which i feel like makes me more awkward. When I was young, I was awkward, but I didn’t know how awkward I actually was. We have several new neighbors that moved into our neighborhood, and while they are very nice, when I see them talking on the street, I go into flight or fight mode. I don’t know how to start a conversation with them. At work, I find conversations at work so much easier bc there are scripts to follow and if you run out of conversation topics, you can talk about work which is much easier for me. Basically all my social life recently has come from work and family life. I am very lonely a lot of the times, especially on the weekends. I think some autistic people are introverts, but is it normal for them to be ambiverts too? Like I wouldn’t say I’m an extrovert by any means. Just seeing a few close friends, I feel much better. Even a small party of good friends or friends of good friends. But socializing with a bunch of people I don’t know or people I need to mask around is when I struggle significantly & need to recharge. I really miss seeing my friends on a regular basis. Walking around downtown today seeing teenagers having fun made me sad and made me miss those close female friendships.

[@sirennoir258]

I have those earrings! I love Kendra Scott!

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

Great video! 🙏🔥🔥

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks friend!

[@happybubblemanfan]

I’m autistic and more extroverted then people expect. Yes, I need daily hangouts and in person socialization with people. Yes, I need conversations and platonic physical touch every day. What it’s like to have a personality that craves a strong support network but is autistic is overbearing. Anyone else relate?

[@rlee7077]

In (elementary/ high) school I had friends, but we were all kinda trapped in the same building. In college, I had no school friends (besides those I grew up with/ lived with, who were also attending school), but after I got married.. poof! Friends gone, not sure what happened 😆

[@PaperPensandCoffee]

Àt age 52 I still have a hard time making friends and the ones say they are really friends for I am not always invited to events. I was diagnosed at age 50. You were lucky to get diagnosed so much earlier than me. For I am.still having a hard time figuring things out for me. Even after raising a child in the spectrum.

[@koupefnbr]

I am struggling on how to make new friends, but I would love friends that love music and books like me. I hope as I create music, I will maybe meet people. I have a few people I trust, but I dont have many people I can be honest with. Id love to unmask.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

i'd love to have you in a community group! we talk a lot about unmasking, and many of the group members form relationships that they keep up after the group is over. momonthespectrum.life/community if you're interested. I'm always adding new dates.

[@goldiffworks]

I live in a city that is not only much more reserved than alot of other American cities, but also one with a culture that stigmatizes neurodivergence and mental illness to the point that you're shunned not for being different, but for standing out too much. It doesn't feel like I can make friends, because everyone has some weird expectation of modesty and reserved personality that I can't get a grasp of. I've come to accept that I probably won't make new friends ever again, especially since I'm getting older and losing opportunities to make meaningful connections.

[@lonelyflower7360]

Tbh after fawning to people all of my life I'm just so tired of them. I want to be alone but it gets lonely sometimes

[@andrewbrown4492]

Hi really liking your content. Just letting you know the sound is very low on a small (low end) laptop using internal speaker.

[@martinhughes007]

I’m returning to my home country in a couple of weeks with my family and lining up assessments for our kids and me - any advice for getting an assessment? And thanks for these videos; this one is especially helpful - please keep them coming!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hey Martin! Thanks so much for watching and taking the time to leave the comment. I'm glad to hear you are able to take steps to line up assessments for you and your family and I hope it is a helpful part of your journey! I have made several videos about this topic and I have them in a playlist called The Diagnostic Process. kzbin.info/aero/PLPldqebdOdMC6WScHpGEt0c-jfHhSluj- I would recommend watching the Step-by-Step Diagnostic Process and the Adult Autism Diagnosis - Is It Worth It? video. kzbin.info/www/bejne/gGq3hYpuaLOMfqs kzbin.info/www/bejne/aZ_WoKKtncxgoaM My biggest piece of advice is to write out your own experiences that you feel qualify you for a diagnosis. Pay particular attention the the areas of special interests, repetitive behaviors, social differences, and sensory overwhelm. It can really help diagnosticians to see things through your eyes and sometimes is the difference between getting a diagnosis and leaving without one. Please let me know if there are other questions I can help answer!

[@martinhughes007]

@@MomontheSpectrum That’s all very, very helpful - thank you so much! Our journey from China back to the UK is about to begin!

[@jessmarie934]

I say GIF too 😂

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yay I’m not alone 😆

[@terraverlage6834]

Why are very few KZbinrs who talk about high functioning autism....rarely talk about the autistic high anxiety and skills to try to calm or minimize it in order to interact? The anxiety is so high that the very thought of attending any groups is tormenting for days precluding the event.....and the loneliness is just as tormenting. A Horrifying feeling being stuck. Help??

[@joancb7556]

Kava tea is anti-anxiety...yes

[@CinkSVideo]

Tons of good vibes for the interview! That’s great news! Jif…oh dear. I’ll just have to accept that character flaw. ;-) Are you a LIchens or a Leechens person? Frankly, afraid of what your answer might be. Ha. I think I have a lot of acquaintances. Only one or two real friends. I cannot sustain depth with more than two or three people and only want regular contact from about that same number. My wife is one of these two or three. I miss letter writing. I realize now that that form or communication was perfect for me. I also am recognizing that I have tried (and offered) to be the friend that I think I should be, but simply cannot sustain this. It’s too draining and I need solitude too much. I know I’ve disappointed and hurt others by failing to live up to what I promised. I’m trying to be honest with myself and others about what I can manage and what they should expect from me. This is a new approach for me. We’ll see if this old dog can learn a new (more accurate) trick.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

haha wellll yes maybe you won't like my answer because... I don't know what lichens is??? Oh no I'm so sorry. What is this? Sounds like you're learning a lot about yourself. Love that you're learning how to be honest about what you're capable of giving. So important! And thanks so much for sending good vibes for the interview!

[@haroldgifford852]

👍

[@GoodTrebleStudios]

I see my comment was removed, I believe for sharing a tool I created to bring people together. Created in my spare time I don't make a single dime off it. I built it to unite folks who don't like social situations to help build relationships around their special interests What's wrong?

[@IllyDragonfly]

I was mercilessly bullied since primary school, so I am very diffident, and often I tend to attract very narcissistic people. I think they like I listen to them and that I'm empathetic, but I never get anything in return and just feel very upset and emptied, so since I turned 30 I'm wirthout friends. I keep trying to make new friends, maybe from the lgtbqia+ or cosplayer community but most meetings with those people happen at late evening or in loud bars with karaoke and I just... no. Meeting people after 9.30pm, in a loud bar, music too loud to even make me think???? Can't we organize one meeting in a museum, go to see a movie maybe? I know, I'm boring as hell, I just like quiet activities :/

[@niirceollae2]

I feel the same way.. need to find people who prefer going for walks or painting.. boring things please 😋

[@IllyDragonfly]

@@niirceollae2 I don't want to jinx myself but I maaaaay have found a friend. She still likes night activities (like roleplaying in bars, nerdy yes, but still tool noisy for me because it's a group activity 0.o) but she likes a lot cosplaying and so far we have been going to some comiccons. She likes doing contests though, so I had to give boundaries: not too many contests, they make us stay for way longer than anticipated and I get tired easier. I hope this won't put a wedge between us, but she knows I'm autistic and anxious. Let's cross fingers this one relationship lasts 0.o

[@velvetverbosity]

Same.

[@rudeoptics8409]

Just thinking about it gives me anxiety

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I’m doing another video on this soon with @woodshedtheory. Any angles you’d like us to explore?

[@Anonymous-pk8bk]

I’ve never been diagnosed as autistic but I highly suspect that my husband is. I had friends that I actually did things with, neighbors and acquaintances that I saw and interacted with consistently and regularly (until) I met my husband who nobody could handle. He is extremely socially awkward and this is a big reason I suspect autism. He also has a hard time expressing his feeling and other things. I miss having a social network AKA friends, and socially connecting to others besides my husband alone… not healthy! I feel socially awkward and isolated now 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve defended him many times but it’s time for him to learn how to socialize and adapt thru therapy and possibly medication

[@rebeccathomas2573]

Don't worry - we all use tea bags over here!

[@stephaniebarrows5428]

I call them Tea fortunes, too! Traditional Medicinals is the best company, because the herbs are sustainably harvested from safe areas. (Ie as pesticide free as they can be). For those who are taking pharmaceuticals, I suggest checking with your medical provider to make sure there won’t be harmful interactions. (I don’t take pharma if I can help it, but I have had herbal training. :)

[@stephaniebarrows5428]

That said, thank you this video and for mentioning the calming effects of herbs!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for your recommendations!!

[@denorene16]

I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago. Never knew what it was like before. It's a very uncomfortable feeling.

[@covert_warrior]

I have to be able to leave the house first 🤦🏼‍♀️😔😭. Baby steps. Actually going on a trip with my husband and a couple of his friends soon. Haven't seen any of them in 2yrs or more. I'm terrified. I haven't eaten or slept in days 😢

[@janiesuper3222]

I am finding so many similarities between you and me in this video. its so strange! I am self diagnosed (by accident) a year and a half ago

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Self diagnosed by accident? That sounds like an interesting story!

[@janiesuper3222]

@@MomontheSpectrum it actually is!! hahah im so glad it happened.

[@janiesuper3222]

@@MomontheSpectrum i was starting to think i was mildly bipolar. i dont think there is any such thing as mildly bipolar.

[@Clamjacob]

:( I'm trying to make friends but my traumas flare up and I become spastic. I want to have a metadiscussion with someone about expectations... but I feel as soon as I make a mistake I will be discarded.

[@deannne]

I get what you're saying completely. It's been and is a challenge for me too.

[@mesholberatsonallibi]

caffeine also makes me like…crazy honestly 😂😅

[@mesholberatsonallibi]

i basicaly get manic (i’m also possibly bipolar)

[@dilettacatena]

Hi guys, I suspect I may be autistic, is anyone into learning languages? I'm looking for a friend who I can practice English with. I can help with Italian!

[@mesholberatsonallibi]

i don’t know anymore,the more i healed the harder it got

[@babyprincessplayground4250]

Me to autism med. Ddlg abdl age regression little space dissociative identity disorder my channel

[@BrizzyMo]

Please be aware that Jif is peanut butter 😂

[@MomontheSpectrum]

lol 🤦‍♀️

[@raikuFA]

This stuff didn’t help…

[@carebear1O1]

This video didn’t help me because nobody in my family loves me including my mom. I don’t have any friends and my life is a nightmare because I have Autism. The only thing I want to do is just die because I hate my life and I hate myself. I will be better off dead

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I’m so sorry you feel this way. There are many in the community here who will validate you and help you feel seen. 💞

[@princessfrogdiaries9379]

That is not true!! You have a community here to support you. I know what it is like, but life is worth living! I will be praying for you, things will get better, don’t worry. 🙏💙

[@rodneydaub3812]

My best friend ( online ) is autistic. We just text, she won't actually speak with me. That part is fine though I would almost give anything to speak with her. We spent a lot of time just bonding/ talking, months, and then she suddenly just won't even respond to me. I'm certain it's more to do with *just* autism, but it's hurtful, and though I'm hip about giving people room, and am doing so with her, I wonder if she understands that it's not cool. She flips OUT, the one time I was busy and didn't respond to a text till much later, but if she does that to me, it's totally cool. So once again, I gotta just forget about it until or unless she decides to get back on the phone and text. I care about her, and it's hard

[@rodneydaub3812]

Oh and don't mix kanna with SSRI meds, can lead to serotonin syndrome