Why Do I Feel More Autistic Now?

[@MaryanaMaskar]

Oohhhh, "waiting in line to talk to someone while others don't know there is a line". Relatable. Painfully relatable.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

It’s happens sooooo much. People just walk up to people in the middle of a conversation and start talking. It drives me nuts!

[@MaryanaMaskar]

@@MomontheSpectrum Moreover, I've been told that NTs find it off-putting and unnerving when I stand at a distance and stare at them expressively without saying anything. They don't understand that I am waiting for my turn.

[@summersauve5073]

I was at a yoga class and had questions and was waiting for other people to stop sucking up to the teacher. I had a real question. But being popular was more important. So those people just kept chatting. Awful

[@TheGavric]

@@MomontheSpectrum It's rude for neurotypicals, too. Some people are just rude and obnoxious. When things like this happen to me, I check in with my partner and ask her if I'm having an autistic perspective or that person was commiting a faux pas. She helps me keep it straight. She has also become a social advocate. When someone interrupts my story or jumps the line like that, she politely brings the focus back around so I don't get shunted into a corner of autistic invisibility.

[@CriticalDelete]

​@@TheGavrichiya, the translation of faux pas is "not fake" ("fake not" if we leave it the way it is) in French. What does this idiom mean in English? (I'm an autistic native English speaker but studied French)

[@Lillyluvsanime]

I think, for my current situation, my autism becoming more noticeable has less to do with getting older, and more to do with unmasking paired with burnout.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Definitely feel this.

[@turtleanton6539]

Same

[@PhDGoldVee]

Love this ❤

[@mirothiel8039]

Yup! Same

[@brianmeen2158]

Anyone else not start feeling “burnout” until hitting age 30 or so…? I don’t know what it is but I’m 39 and feeling burn out often these days despite avoiding more social things

[@passaggioalivello]

I'm getting older and I'm feeling more autistic too. I think because, as undiagnosed child in a toxic environment, bonded to my c-ptsd, I always denied myself and heavily masked to survive. Nowadays I'm exhausted and I'm allowing to be truly myself. Btw, despite I'm getting older I'm also feeling more childish (I never felt as an adult). Thank you for this video, you're helping me so much.

[@T.T.M.60]

Very relatable!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I can really relate to denying myself or who I actually WANTED to be when I was younger. And I still do that to some extent today. I can also relate to feeling more childish. I love being super random and dancing and singing really loudly and dressing up and when I embrace these things it makes me feel like a kid, which I don't really remember experiencing very often as a child. I've always been a "little adult." Thanks for sharing your experiences here! If you feel comfortable sharing, I'd love to learn your real name, Passaggioalivello!

[@passaggioalivello]

@@MomontheSpectrum I'm still a five year old kid. I have never really changed since then. Since last year I have had a job where I'm alone most of the time, so I don't have to mask and truly be myself, but I don't really care about masking anymore. When I was an actual kid, everybody told me I looked more "adult", but I don't know if it was related to my autism or my several traumas. Sorry, I don't feel comfortable sharing my name in a public comment.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

@@passaggioalivello not a problem I totally understand you not wanting to share your name! When I was younger, everyone thought I was older than I was. But now that I'm older, a lot of people treat me like I'm younger. So many people call me things like "honey", "sweetie," etc. And I notice they don't call others my age these things.

[@jacquelinebodine7920]

Your words are so relatable.

[@Danni317]

On one side these videos make me feel validated as I relate to them so much. On the other side I feel like a imposter who is pretending to have autism because I'm not professionally diagnosed.

[@tezzybelle7658]

6 years ago I had a breakdown (now I understand it as an autistic burnout). I am 53 and was diagnosed 1 year ago. I finally understood 💡 what was happening with me - I thought I was just crap at life. Since then I have not been able to mask as much. My limit to being around people is about 5 to 10 minutes then I start to shutdown. I feel more autistic than ever. I am learning to look after myself more for the first time. It is hard as the people around me don’t really understand. BUT … I stim, I overshare, I talk too much, I’m mute, I dance weird, I listen to the same song all day and I live for my puppies. It’s me and that’s OK. ☺️

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This comment makes me happy. Love hearing that you're starting to look after yourself more for the first time!! Yay! Definitely something to celebrate.

[@jackandroxy7]

Thank you for this post :) I too am 53 with a similar story as yours. Much love, Suzanne

[@lrwiersum]

You are doing great !! Every happy day is a win !!

[@brianmeen2158]

“My limit to being around people is about 5 to 10 minutes then I start to shut down” Ever since hitting 30-32 I started noticing my inability to deal with people like I used to . Basic small talk would zap me . Now I avoid it as much as I can

[@matriarchmmgp1]

I am going to celebrate my 72nd birthday this week, and I have just received a diagnosis of autism. So, I am playing a lot of catch up with learning what this means for me. Your videos are very informative and helpful. Most of the video presenters I have seen are in their thirties. I have four more decades of masking, and dealing with the ever present voice in my head asking "What is WRONG with you?" I have a lot to learn about who I am. Videos like yours are helping me breathe into the present and take it one day at a time. And yes. We are courageous, passionate, caring, human beings who have so much to bring to the table of human experience. I am so relieved and proud to be here.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi Monica! Your comment makes me so happy. Thanks so much for sharing.

[@Sky-Child]

You may want to check out the latest video from Aspergers from the Inside, because it is a whole group of late diagnosed older adults. May help you to know you aren't alone

[@nancycarroll9501]

Im 73 and have not had an official diagnosis but I’ve been learning about autism!for the past two years, thanks to Hannah Gadsby. I’m more aware now of how to protect myself and navigate the typical world. I appreciate the honesty of the autistic video makers. It really helps.

[@irmielam5192]

I can so relate...I'm in my 60's...and was caught off guard after watching these videos that yes, I have this! It makes so much more sense...I deal with too much shame for not fitting in. I've always been very messy, nervous, fidgety, artistic, making up elaborate stories in my head...I could go on and on. I struggle with adhd too. Was reprimanded somewhat harshly by my 24 year old boss 2 days ago for being disorganized and getting up from my desk too often...not knowing how to prioritize... too passive aggressive.... I was so shocked. ..talk about humiliating... I felt like a failure... but I getting to see I'm not a failure, just wired uniquely and there's nothing wrong with that! So good to read about others like me! But I'm not a failure...

[@vivianstewart7523]

@@nancycarroll9501 65 here, diagnosed at 63. Hannah is so funny and brilliant.

[@ellabiddy4741]

I’m undiagnosed and 19, and this is how I realized that I’m probably autistic. Leaving high school and starting college having to try and make new friends and being a lot more alone made me realize a lot of things about my personality and everything. It feels like age 16-17 fit me best and the older I get past that the more out of place I feel and I’ve struggled in ways I feel like I never really have before, or maybe it’s just being in an unfamiliar environment that doesn’t quite feel like home. I’m at the very least now able to identify that certain struggles are autism related but because I’m putting a name on it it feels like “sensory overload” is a bigger deal than what I’ve always just called “irritability”

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Big life transitions can definitely make it harder to mask, which can make autistic characteristics much easier to spot! Having kids was a huge change for me when I saw myself in a completely different light.

[@zkillergt]

Absolutely, awareness. I am way more aware of the things I do now. I didn’t used to notice how much I mask, or stim for instance. I think part of it is also that I didn’t have a good understanding of what autism is.

[@T.T.M.60]

Same!….I became even more aware during lockdown. Didn’t do as much and now that I’m moving forward, am doing it more slowly and that’s much better.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

@@T.T.M.60 Love this perspective. I definitely think lockdown has changed a lot of things for me too. Even though the pandemic has been an incredibly challenging time, I think the fact that it has forced us to slow down can be a very life-giving thing if we learn from it. Now I start to think before I say yes to something... do I actually WANT to do this??? Most of the times the answer is no. :) I am perfectly content at home on the couch.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes! Totally forgot to bring up the point of having a better understanding of what autism actually IS. I was clueless about it not long ago, even though I had lived the reality of it.

[@T.T.M.60]

@@MomontheSpectrum exactly!

[@T.T.M.60]

@@MomontheSpectrum I think for me, social events fall into the catagory of seasons…..I notice I feel more like going out and doing things some months and others, definitely not.

[@jonathanp___________3606]

I love that moment when you corrected yourself from “new Taylor” to “growing Taylor” that simple shift is liberating. “New Taylor” suggests a static state, while “Growing Taylor” embraces continual growth.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

aw thanks for noticing. I didn't even remember saying that. Glad you brought it up.

[@lrwiersum]

I’m 65 and just diagnosed. I’m definitely more autistic than ever and I LOVE it !! I gave up the expectations of myself and others. I have organized my life to suit me. I have fully embraced myself. Finding out I’m autistic just answers so many questions !! So, so many questions !!

[@JJSolitude]

I noticed when I was diagnosed I started to accept my "weirdness" and so it came out a bit more. Especially while talking to my therapist. I guess I was benefitting from the freedom of knowing.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes! Embrace the weirdness.

[@Sparkle.Dammit]

Yes! This! I'm masking less and less, and now these "weird" childlike behaviours are becoming more apparent. But I love it, I feel free and young and so much more comfortable.

[@Sky-Child]

Haha I love how many of us get called weird. People have always said that like it should be an insult and I'm like "Yes, that's accurate, thanks for seeing me." 🤣

[@natalialeisi]

I was diagnosed end of April so all this is quite recent. Now that I have done tone of researches. I’m currently feeling more autistic. 😅 I’m being more aware of all my weirdness. I'm aspiring to that freedom to accept all of them and feel free of being me. That's a hell of a journey.

[@sonyagibbens2182]

I am 53 and was just diagnosed within the last 6 months. I also have ADHD. I always knew I was different but never understood why. I fumbled my way through life. Now that I have my diagnoses, I feel very autistic. I've never stimmed in front of other people, but I am now getting comfortable doing it in front of my husband (who is very supportive and is wanting to learn my "language". I'm a smoker and I usually roll and hold a lighter in my hand and squeeze it, bouncy legs, banging my knees together. I've found that over the past few years before my diagnosis I was already being more aware of things I don't want to do - like leaving my house. I want to sit in my chair with my weighted blanket and the tv on just in the background. I'm fixated on learning more about my autism and adhd. I have other fixations that I'm not interested in doing right now, they change. I'm trying to navigate through a world around me that I feel like is new. Lots going on at once, it's overwhelming. I do have a wonderful counselor who is helping so I'm not alone. It's a lot! I commend you on enjoying making your videos! I'm enjoying them very much! I'm shy and have a choppy speech pattern, making a video seems scary to me, so thank you!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

you're welcome! Thank you for your comment. Glad to hear you're working on stimming more freely! It's something I'm working on too.

[@Dynamicelectrician]

The story of waiting to talk to the instructor is gold. I'm sitting here listening like YES! Why are people this way, I'm standing in line. It's my turn, and you butt in! It's obvious to in my mind what'l my intentions are lol.

[@jennenny87]

Oh man, I relate to this SO MUCH. I'm in my 30s and not officially diagnosed for a really frustrating reason. After the hours-long appointment, I was told that I met all the criteria, scored appropriately on the assessments, etc., but she "just didn't see that in [me]." So basically, I mask too well? I'm not the stereotype of a little boy who's obsessed with trains and can'take eye contact (I fake it or force myself to, lol). Anyway, despite that I do consider myself defacto diagnosed in a way, and I have found that that awareness does make me feel just like you described. I feel like the first thing that clued me in was actually the executive function challenges of managing kids' schedules and needs as well as my own. But the increased social pressures and sensory issues are definitely also a real issue.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing this!

[@cheeesysandwich]

You might try one more time! Recently, I've been advocating for everyone who suspects they're on the spectrum to start the process of getting officially diagnosed. Technically, even if it doesn't help you as an individual, it's still gonna help the whole Aspie community. The more people get diagnosed, the more correct the statistics of autism will be! Official diagnoses are so important because of that, especially for women.

[@jennenny87]

@@cheeesysandwich I would love to. Unfortunately, it cost almost $3k to try the first time. I don't know many people who can afford to risk throwing that much money away twice. 😞

[@LittleKikuyu]

This is infuriating! So sorry this happened to you. I hope you will be able to get the diagnosis and support if you wish to get it still 🥲 maybe the decision can actually be contested? 🤔 What kind of diagnostic criterion is „i just don’t see it“?!? Is she using a crystal ball or what?

[@vivianstewart7523]

@@cheeesysandwich I never thought of it like that but you are correct.

[@MonaLyssa33]

I was diagnosed when I was 27 (I'm now 35) and I definitely feel more autistic. When I was in high school I could easily be involved in so many things and handle it pretty well. I also did so well in school, handling several subjects at once. Then I'd also be able to be around people and not have their noises annoy me too much. I remember being able to tune out all of the noise in class so I could read after I finished all of my homework. Now as an adult, I get annoyed by noises so easily. I just finished my Master's degree and while I did graduate with a 4.0, I was only taking one class at a time, getting my Bachelor's degree was completely different. I was taking multiple classes at once and struggling in every one of them. I also cannot read with distractions like I did as a teen.

[@anmask865]

Since thinking about my potentional diagnosis, this has been probably the biggest thing why I doubt it. Because I didn't have any issues as a pre-teen, I began having issues as a teenager and most of my problems became worse at university. And then I sometimes read about how childhood experience is nessesary for a diagnosis. But my country is quite behind in everything about autism so that might be the reason behind that criteria.

[@nicolettehare3322]

An example of me tuning out as a teen was when I was reading a book and my mother got a flat tire. I ignored the event until my mother made me get out of my book and I looked around wondering what was going on. I also had my hearing checked as a child because I tuned out so well. (💯 fine at the time). Now I can’t do that so much. Definitely can’t read in the car anymore.

[@joycebrewer4150]

I remember once getting so into a book I was reading in school, I never heard the "change classrooms" bell! I didn't know until the student who needed my seat for the next class arrived, and touched my shoulder to get my attention!! I never went that deep into story again!

[@mycupoverflows7811]

My husband and I are both ND, me autistic and him ADHD and maybe autistic. But when we're talking as a couple to someone, there's always a point where I see a look on their face where they realize we're not "normal." I dread it, so I often end conversations awkwardly quickly, or don't even bother trying anymore. There have been times when we meet another couple and could tell they were just like us so it was super easy and we became friends. But most of the time I just don't bother with it anymore. I'm 45 and self diagnosed 2 years ago.

[@ashleysjourney110]

I do the waiting thing too. I always just stand and wait until they are done. I do have a lot of times that I get told “I wasn’t done”. I’ll be 30 tomorrow and in the diagnostic process. I am allowing myself to be me and being told I’m “acting autistic”. I have stopped forcing social situations because it causes more problems.

[@suzyh74]

Thanks Taylor, Aged 70+ I'm definitely feeling more autistic than when I was diagnosed 5 years ago and, wow, waiting to speak to someone and then someone else suddenly appears from nowhere - I find that really distressing - but if I butted in I would be disapproved of! and feeling the need to stim more - have just gone on to Amazon and bought a fidget toy. I get so exhausted with masking. One of my friends wrote: "concealing my difference makes me ill, living my difference sets me free". I like that but it feels a bit scary!

[@kacey3646]

Yes so much. I think my problem is that because of not being around people for so so long because of covid, I forgot how to mask. If you're reading this feel the same, please comment so I know if this is legit or not

[@MomontheSpectrum]

i can relate to this!

[@ebwarg]

I’m eight months late, but I feel the same way!

[@stingrae1625]

I think there’s something to this! I hadn’t thought about it until I saw this but I think you’re right. I’ve been masking much less and maybe it’s because I’m mostly around people who I feel like, at this point (I’m 41, self-diagnosed ASD but officially diagnosed with ADHD) should just accept me as I am.

[@jleon7165]

I started burning out in early 2020, and so when covid came along, i very much welcomed the social distancing. But I have been wondering why it's gotten worse for me. I have been thinking I'm just burnt out. The more I reflect, the more I see retrospectively that I generally dislike the idea of socializing, but I overextended myself for years out of a sense of obligation. I didn't want to be looked down on for not being social. Sure, in the moment I tend to have a good time, but leading up to it I think of alllll the other, more "productive," things I could be doing. And I don't make efforts to make plans.

[@johnathanrhoades7751]

A year late, but YES!! The changes in my behavior and more difficulty in socializing when reintegrating after COVID lockdown is what made me start seriously considering that I was autistic.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I agree with what everyone is saying about feeling more autistic because of more awareness. In my case, as in so many others, I didn't know how much energy I was spending repressing my stims until I became aware I was autistic and started paying more attention to myself and what my body wants to do. In that way, I feel more autistic because (for example), I'm giving in to swaying more and fidgeting more with things than I used to. Hand flapping. Turns out, I like to do it a lot more than I thought. It really is about awareness and no longer repressing things. P.S. I'm looking forward to group chats and one on one sessions too.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes I think I also spent a lot more energy than I realized repressing stims and physical movement. It feels really nice to give into it more. Sometimes just hitting the floor with my fists feels really good and I hadn't previously allowed myself to do things like that.

[@pcboudreau9992]

For me, 39 (self-diagnosed at 36), it's like falling back to how I was at 10-11 years old, minus the bullying. My coping and masking culminated in my early 20's. I'm now back to university full-time, and I found out I can't cope with the social aspects. Living in a city is also a no-go mostly because of noise and smell. The correlation you make between being active and fidgeting rings a bell: I realized a few years ago that when I'm doing outdoor activities (canoeing, fishing, hunting) or when I work physically I don't fidget at all and I don't pick (mostly nail biting).

[@Vancegames9]

I’m trying so hard to move

[@kristinstewart5556]

We are on an authenticity journey. It makes sense that if being literal and having difficulty lying are traits of asd it feels uncomfortable and exhausting to not express our true selves. I stimmed as a child and young adult by doodling. It has evolved into a special interest into drawing and attempting to keep sketchbooks as a daily practice I feel like I will explode if I can’t do this BUT I’m pretty sure ADHD keeps me from being able to do this daily. Part of my theory about feeling more autistic is that the global health issues and isolation of the last two years plus has heightened our awareness of our social comfort levels. My spoon collection increased and as we are getting out more I have to preserve those spoons with more attentiveness and awareness.

[@jamiereynolds9701]

Ok. I had a bad stroke. I can't cry. I can't control my feelings and I have fits where I get overwhelmed and want to cry. I physically can't. The left side of my brain is nearly completely dead. The shame,guilt, and self hatred is beyond any emotions I have ever felt. I never struggled so much in my life. I know I was taught how to mask early in life. Now I just melt down constantly even typing is too much.

[@jamesfv1]

I'm really struggling to unmask at 31, and its rough. Your videos make me cry every time when you show kindness and help us feel less alone. I dont know what I'm doing...

[@annamariafassio1799]

I believe the" being more Autistic" is connected to the process of more accepting and less masking. The more we accept, the more we allow ourselves to be that way and the more thought and acknowledgment is spent on autistic traits. But now a crazy question, could masking (besides hiding and covering up) also at times have been a positive coping strategy? In terms of we didn't think so much about our insecurities and just "ran through" the hurdle and therefore we panicked less? I don't know. I am still in the process of accepting and that really really slows me down, makes me even more aware of my lack of any filter and also more rejection sensitive. But on the other side I feel more peaceful and less like a loser(ess) :-) how the heck do you gender in English. - Take care and thank you for your videos.

[@gamerboyquest]

I feel more autistic as an adult. I also have an 8yr old and a 5yr old. I am a chronic masker, but the "weird" me has been coming out more and more as I am exhausted from constantly encountering new social situations through my kids. This vlog really resonated with me. Thankyou for saying exactly how I feel.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

YES for the weird you coming out more! Love it.

[@Touay.]

I have been having more issues as I get older, which in part is why i landed on my autism diagnosis. I feel FAR more autistic since learning I am autistic. My childhood was not exactly 'nurturing'. The main things I learned is that the way I feel doesn't matter, I don't matter and how to endure. The voyage of self discovery since learning about my autism has pulled the lid of a lifetime of repressed emotions, emotions I have little or no experience in dealing with. I guess I am struggling at the moment. I feel alive for the first time in my life, but dealing with the heartbreak that is my undiagnosed autistic life and my emotionally neglected childhood.

[@bluorb]

Orange tabbies are some of THE BEST cats, period!! I have 2 tuxies with black noses & one black cat. That's plenty of cats, but I will absolutely be getting an orange tabby when the time comes to get a new cat 😻😻😻

[@tinawilstrup955]

I've only had my diagnosis for about 7 months, and I feel more autistic. I definitely think it's awareness and, like you said, I now feel more comfortable not hiding my traits, because now they're ok, they're "normal". At least to me. Also, so fun that I never considered cuddling with my dogs stimming. This may further explain my deep sorrow when losing loved dogs. They were my best friends in hard times and I felt like I couldn't possibly live without them. I so resonate with everything you say. So thankful you have the desire and energy for sharing 🙏

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

Hearing you discuss the expanding social pressures was a like experiencing a huge sigh of relief that “Yes this person gets it!!!” Tons of kudos that you’re able to manage with the kiddos, you set a great example for all NDs who aspire to have families but may be put off by their conditions. You’re exactly right when you say that as you reach your limit your ability to mask diminishes. More kudos for adjusting things so the parents could visit in home!! I believe you are right with regard to aging and being able to speak for your needs more openly vs making everyone else happy.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

It's definitely a process that doesn't necessarily get easier but maybe more obvious? Like, if I don't take care of my needs today I'll pay for it with a meltdown tomorrow!

[@LaceyMyriah]

@@MomontheSpectrum this is honestly where I am now. It’s entirely necessary that I protect myself now so that I (and those close to me) don’t have to deal with the disaster that may (and WILL at some point) take place later when I hit my max.

[@DesperationLasts]

I am definitely feeling more autistic as I get older. I think as kids, we are more malleable and more likely to fall in with the expectations placed on us by others. There are lots of opportunities to get out all the anxious energy we store in our bodies. We want to please our parents and our teachers and our peers. Now, as adults and especially as moms, not only do we not get the downtime to just focus on our interests, but we no longer want to change ourselves to fit the expectations of others. Sorry for the long response to an old video. I'm never sure when a video is too old to comment on or if a comment is too long or shares too much.

[@Askalott]

I'm so sorry you are/were struggling. I hope things are getting better. I'm struggling too. I battled substance use disorder for ten years (trying to self-medicate) and have only been in recovery for a little over a year now. I just turned 30 the other day, and that brought up some rather unexpected dark thoughts. In theory I should be happy that I was healthy for such a big birthday, but instead I just felt enormous grief for the many years I have lost. My heart breaks for the younger version of myself who didn't know she was being abused and didn't know she was neurodivergent. I thought it was my fault things were so difficult for me. I thought I was fundamentally broken. Thank you for making these videos and helping me better understand my unique brain. Hang in there.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for your kindness and for sharing some of your story here!

[@Sky-Child]

Birthdays do that to me and my partner too. Have struggled with addictions too. Hang in there. It is a long haul but you CAN learn other healthier ways to cope and live. I believe in you!

[@bethanythatsme]

Recently found your channel and I'm sharing it with other autistic women in my family. Thank you.

[@stephaniemadison9571]

Great video! I have noticed since I got my diagnosis that my sensory issues have increased. One example of this is that I had to change my pants because they were really uncomfortable and I couldn't sleep in them. They are not my favorite pants but, It doesn't bother as much in the daytime. I guess I'm just more aware of things since my diagnosis. I'm still waiting on my official report and I hope it comes soon!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes little things seem to irk me until it finally catches up to my brain that maybe I should change my circumstances! :) For some reason a diagnosis did help me see that I could give more attention to these little nuisances and that after addressing them it would help with my sense of calm. Thanks for sharing your experience, Stephanie! Glad you are here.

[@zippymom97]

i've watched at least 10-12 of your videos now and i am SO glad that I found you. me and my roommate had such a hard time scouring google looking for good, peer reviewed tips, tricks, and studies for adults on the spectrum. I actually had childhood adhd from like kindergarten to 18-21 and somewhere in those 3 years I stopped needing the medication I was taking, and it started to be the CAUSE of the side effects we were trying to treat, but i went off them one time and I felt GREAT. Then, in 2019 I got UN-diagnosed with ADHD and they did not send me to any follow up places to check where i'm at mentally just a slap on the back like "congrats! you're ADHD free now!" as if that wasn't rattling enough. I had spent my ENTIRE FORMITIVE YEARS with that diagnosis as part of me, part of who I was, my personality. It felt like it had been ripped out from under me and I didn't know who I was. I heavily suspect I was autistic as well throughout ALL of that, but because the ADHD was so prevalent and demanding, in combination with whatever masking techniques I had picked up at the time, and for like 3 whole years I thought I was just this sort of,,, floating type of neurodivergent, or that my brain's neural pathways were coded like an ADHD persons is and it would take cognitive behavioural therapy to learn to undo it. but my roommate has been asking lately when i make social faux pas, and seem indifferent to people's feelings, "are you autistic or do you just not care about what others are feeling?" and that made me stop and think. i had never really considered that before. Back when I was still on my ADHD meds and my ADHD was still very much the dominant mental health issue going on, i took an autism quiz and i got like, 50% which most of it i attributed to having ADHD and the two issues having so much in common. but now that i dont have that, i had to think. holy shit. AM i autistic? at this point i've got lots of autistic friends and i start seeing if i relate to them and trying to notice things, and for like a month or so i have this nagging feeling in my head, "maybe I have autism??" and it all comes to a head when i try to go on call with some people i know in gta and i had like several social faux pas, missed cues, rude comments, and eventually i got so self conscious about what i was saying i just went non verbal and i clammed up. this lead to my roommate's disability wanting to attack whatever that was because it didn't make sense and that's one of his things. And now we've figured it out and are on the right track to helping me figure out what i need to work on, what upsets and triggers me, what characteristics i display, and the tools i have at my disposal. and that has honestly been such a big help. TL:DR anyway, thank you so much for making this channel, I really appreciate the videos you make, and they are great tools for information and finding resources.

[@tammybrown4410]

"You are doing great! Let go a little.✨️ Smile!😊 You've got this! ❤️ "

[@carolineibbetson5395]

I’m an undiagnosed 53 yr old and I’ve just been coming to the conclusion over the last year after being continually emotionally and psychologically abused by my mother since birth x I think with me I’m just reclaiming myself after years of trying to fit in , masking etc x it’s tough but glorious at the same time xxx

[@strpdhatldy]

I am 40 and I have only figured out that I am autistic in the last year. I do struggle with managing the schedules of my 4 kids. I agree that it depends on the day. My youngest is 4 and because of his personality and age, I have a very hard time getting that alone time to calm down. As my other kids get older though, they have begun to realize that I need that time to be a better mom. We do alright managing schedules as long as we have a plan. It is strange for me because I love being with people, I just have a hard time with small talk. I realized that for years whenever I went to a get together, be it party or wedding, etc, I would either find a way to serve or go stand by the food table and eat so I would not have to talk.

[@sueannevangalen5186]

We had our kids later in life too. I'm 45 and my youngest is soon to be eight months old. I can relate to what you're saying about struggling to get alone time. I find my meltdowns are increasing because I'm not getting enough with three kids in the house. Thanks for sharing.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing your experiences! My oldest (8) even today was able to sense that I was shutting down a little bit and unable to talk the way I normally am. She knew things were too noisy for me and tried to encourage my youngest (5) to be quieter. But yes, having littles is definitely so challenging when it comes to alone time because they need so much more help. I also enjoy being with people but can't stand small talk. I would be ok with "Hi, I'm Taylor. What's your greatest fear that keeps you up at night?" hahaha. Now that is a conversation I would be interested in having. I remember one time when I was younger being invited to a dinner party with women who were 5-6 years older than me. I was so nervous but desperately wanted to fit in. I remember making a huge deal about doing everyone's dishes because I just didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to sit at the table and talk with everyone so I got up and did what I could to "help." Knowing what I know now makes that situation play back so differently in my head!

[@sueannevangalen5186]

@@MomontheSpectrum YES, I completely relate to liking people and enjoying being in company but not liking small talk. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how to keep the conversation moving. I just talk because I've learned over the years that leaving a silence is THE cardinal sin (for reasons I don't understand).

[@niebieskimotyl3308]

I have only one kid and it's already too much for me, but hanging there somehow. Lack of support is a factor of course. But still, thought about pregnancy makes me nervous, the older I get the less I'd want to go through all those body changes again. I started to feel kind of normal after 5 years..

[@WeepingWillow422]

You're not alone, this is actually a thing. My autistic traits started in childhood (because I never had any learning disabilities and didn't have the typical male presentation of ASD, no one knew I had it and it was assumed that it was just anxiety and that I had behavioral issues) but then a lot of it SEEMED to go away as I got into my teen years. I think a lot of the anxiety associated with ASD got better after being medicated for it (was medicated when I was 9) and all of the other traits not associated with anxiety I learned to hide from people. After starting school in younger years, I realized pretty quickly I was different from the other kids and to fit in I changed myself... also to not be seen as a naughty kid. But for years I would come home and either collapse mentally or throw fits (which I believe were actually meltdowns). Then, as I got more toward my teen years, I realized I had to start hiding it all from my family as well because I'd go through periods of time (which I now recognize as burnout) where they still had a hard time with me. And hiding all of that from everyone in my life led me to become a recluse who stayed in my room most of the time, I internalized it and developed major depressive disorder. I think at that point, my meltdowns turned into shutdowns. I was put on antidepressants, which do help me to an extent, I would be much worse without them... but when I'm burnt out, they don't help as much. I am now on tranquilizers and a combination mood stabilizer/anti-depressant. Like I said, these help to an extent until I'm in extreme burnout. Now that I know I am on the spectrum, I allow myself to feel those things I felt I needed to stuff back before I knew. If I'm at home, I'll allow myself to have a meltdown if I feel one coming in order to prevent a depressive episode (I don't become violent or destructive, so it's not like anyone gets hurt when I have them and I don't have them too often anyway... only when *extremely* burnt out). I'll allow myself to stim, even in front of other people if they are people who know me and I'm more honest with people about what I'm feeling. As for my sensory issues, those have always been a problem but I have always dissociated when I'm overwhelmed by them (mentally separate from myself and stare into space until my brain can start processing again). Nowadays, I also utilize the help of hats with brims, sunglasses and noise-cancelling headphones... people sometimes look at me weird for wearing hats and sunglasses indoors but I try not to care. So yeah, now I seem more autistic because I don't hide it as much anymore. I still mask in public and honestly, it's hard to get myself to UNMASK in public because doing so causes anxiety about what people will think of me. Sorry this comment is so long, I just wanted to give my experience with this.

[@gmar7836]

Way too long

[@lexadaily]

Thanks for the video because I’ve been struggling with this idea myself. After loosing my 16yo completely dependent son in 2020 I’ve found myself unable to tolerate all of the stimuli I’ve “managed” all my life. That is what led me to question if I am on the spectrum, I have spoken to therapists who feel I’m experiencing anxiety, depression etc. related to my grief. I have explained that I’ve been bothered by outside stimuli all my life but for the sake of appearing normal, I never let on outwardly that I was bothered. I’ve explained that grief took away my mental and emotional strength to mask. Looking back I have been a cranky person all my life and unknowingly had meltdowns due to being overstimulated: flying off the handle for seemingly nothing. So now I am stimming more openly, reducing the stimulants in my home such as unnecessary artificial lights, using unscented laundry products and using earplugs. These things have made me a lot calmer, probably the most calm I have felt all my life. However I am still struggling really bad with social anxiety and just want to relax when dealing with people. So I have not sought diagnosis because I keep getting shut down because of grieving and therapists keep wanting to address my grief. But thanks to people like you sharing your autism journey I have come to understand myself better and what I’ve been dealing with all my life and things make more sense to me at 56yo.

[@MrsLarsen89]

I feel you! I’m 34 next month, have kids and realized a couple of years ago that I’m probably autistic. I think masking has been the biggest factor in why I was “less” autistic before. Now that I’m masking less I feel myself more and understand what to do to make myself happy and save me from situations that would drain me. I care less what other people think and now I just say no. Also I think autistic traits such as stimming and zoning out occur more not only because I allow myself to be autistic but also because I have been through burnouts several times and that has taken away a few of my spoons, perhaps permenently but I hope not. I’m taking care of myself now. That’s what’s important.

[@jacquelinebodine7920]

I only realized in my late 20's that I might be on the spectrum... primarily because I was having issues with auditory processing. I didn't even know what it was called then. I saw a video KZbin suggested to me and I could hardly believe I hadn't considered it before. I'm 33 now and I think the older people get in general the less they "pretend" in life. This includes those on the spectrum. Just my thinking.

[@amiamarylis]

I am 41 and was diagnosed with ASD only a few years ago. I definitely feel more autistic now than I did before, and it does mess with my head bc I am like, am I just making this up, am I just pretending to be autistic. So, watching this and reading some of the comments has been really helpful. Thank you

[@msdenises11]

This really resonates with me. And your kitty looks super cuddly.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

The cuddliest! Thanks for watching and for your comment! :)

[@KristaMooreLive]

HI Taylor, you're awesome. I don't even know if I have autism, 100% adhd, my daughter I just realized and she told me "duh, ya" is autistic. But I am learning so much from our channel and appreciate your honesty and examples. I felt like I became more autistic watching you, or became more aware of my autistic quirks. It's nice to know there are good human beings who just want to share their story and make it less "weird" or hidden. I appreciate you unmaking a bit to help us better understand our own behaviours. Well done!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for your kind comment 🙏🏼

[@ABC-jq7ve]

As a kid growing up in East Asia, I sensored my actions out of fear. Eventually that grew into massive social anxiety and poor self esteem. I used to blame myself for being socially awkward, but now that I know it was the autism, not that I wasn’t trying hard enough or something, I feel more comfortable with letting things slip.

[@anniedennis2405]

Soooo helpful and hopeful! I have watched many of your videos and appreciate them all!! Today I am especially grateful to see you here and hear your kind and gentle message. I am 54 and only recently realized that I am definitely on the Autism spectrum. I am struggling today and your transparency has enabled me to see myself so much more clearly. I heave a sigh of relief and send giant waves of appreciation your way! You are doing important, powerful work! Thank you from the center of my heart!

[@sueannevangalen5186]

I want to and will comment on this great video but then when you got to the end, Tay, and said all that great stuff about how we're all going through hard times and we're strong and brave and can make it through, I just started to cry! Last week, I finally got the courage to call my GP and talk to her about getting diagnosed as autistic. After reviewing my autism quotient quiz, she agreed I should get assessed by a psychologist. I found a psychologist and talked to her yesterday. I found out it's going to cost nearly $4,000 CAD and my husband's insurance isn't going to help much with that cost at all. We can get more out of the insurance by holding off on the assessment until next year at this time, and do half in 2022 and half in 2023 (it goes by calendar year) but we're still looking at a year of waiting and saving up. But worst of all, the psychologist made me feel like I'm better off without a formal diagnosis and maybe I should just read more and treat the whole thing like an exercise in self discovery. Then she reminded me of how many professionals out there wouldn't even diagnose me because I can talk and am basically getting by in life. I didn't know how upset I was by this till the middle of the night when I woke up for no apparent reason. I don't want to just squeak by in life! I'm 45 and I've never had a job that I could actually live on. And my brother has been able to do that with much less education. Your encouragement, Tay, has made me determined to find a different psychologist.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

There is someone out there who will see you and understand how to help you in the way you want to be helped. I'm so sorry to hear you've had this experience so far. It is incredibly invalidating to hear some of the things that were shared with you. And someone who is not on the spectrum just can't understand what a formal diagnosis can add to one's life. I do relate to financial struggles. We experience them as well and have very expensive insurance that is basically only helpful in case of disaster. The system works against us in many ways. As you work to find a path that supports you (which I believe you are currently on and will continue to create for yourself), remember you can create support and affirmation within yourself. You are worthy, valuable, needed... a crucial and beautiful piece of this complex and confusing world. Thank you for sharing your experiences here and don't give up! You are STRONG SueAnne!!!!!

[@sueannevangalen5186]

@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

[@niebieskimotyl3308]

I feel you 💗 I've got my diagnosis for really low amount in Poland (like 100 US $). But my psychologist asked "why would you need it, does it change anything at all?". Yes, I feel validated. I think it should be free everywhere, it's not like open brain surgery where you need a lot of resources. It's pretty straight forward, couple of meetings, shouldn't cost 4000!

[@Sky-Child]

That's awful. That happened to my friend. The person assessed her and actually said "Do you really NEED another label?" And didn't give her the diagnosis even though she IS

[@sueannevangalen5186]

@@Sky-Child That is terrible. I get so upset at the idea that this might happen to me. Sadly, this sort of thing can be part of the process of getting diagnosed (i.e. having to get a second opinion). Update on my assessment: I didn't hire that first psychologist to do my assessment. I had a March appointment with another one that got cancelled. I emailed her at one point and asked, "Do you have experience diagnosis autistic females?" And she emailed back saying, "Maybe you should go to someone else." Then I had a June appointment with yet another shrink. This one had an attitude I didn't like. "You know, sometimes what LOOKS like autism is really just ADHD or social anxiety." This little lecture she gave me didn't sit right. She was recommended to me as someone who specializes in diagnosing autistic adults. I was like, " Why is it so hard to find someone who will do this for me???" I cancelled that appointment too after I found another place that will do the assessment, where the cost is covered by the provincial insurance. It was stressing me out SO BAD, this idea that I might be spending thousands of dollars to get misdiagnosed. If it happens now, at least I won't be out three grand. But I am still waiting on that appointment. It probably won't take place till late in the year.

[@jayvee8002]

I am a new subscriber! I wish I found you earlier. Look at how much your channel has grown since this was posted man 52K subs that's awesome! You're awesome. Thank you for what you do!

[@whitneymason406]

Totally agree! I used to stim subtly as a child and teen by picking at my nailbeds or biting my lips. Now that I know I'm autistic and what stimming is I'm more aware and I've redirected it to fidget toys to be less self destructive. But now I have fidget toys all over the house so it definitely makes it more obvious lol. Also I love orange cats! I have had 4 throughout my life. The one I loved I had growing up I named Barnaby. Thanks for sharing your experience, I can totally relate!❤️

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Aww Barnaby. Orange cats are so fun! Sometimes Belts even looks red when he's sleeping in the sun. Yes I had self destructive stims, too. Sometimes I still bite my lips until they bleed and that really hurts, but if I keep a ton of fidget toys around, like you said, it seems to help. I just lose so stinking many of them!! :) Where do they go?? I'm afraid the answer is probably in my children's rooms.

[@narriparri]

I also love orange cats. They are so social and laid back in my experience 💗

[@whitneymason406]

@@narriparri 🧡😻

[@ROBYNMARKOW]

I'd pick my lips until they bled ( which was oddly satisfying to me 🙄)

[@Iamlynie1]

Great video, I can really relate to this. I'm 66 and was diagnosed in August 2020. The more I learn about autism the more I learn about myself. As the time is ticking on I do feel more autistic. My past makes a whole lot more sense now. Memories will pop up and now I can see why I handled things the way I did. With my new found information, hopefully I can make better choices and if it's 'no' it's 'no'. ☺️ ❤

[@lettersfromadirtbag]

I must tell you: I am sitting at my kitchen table nearly in tears. I relate so much to your content. But what really got me today was your mention of authenticity (and your responsible use of socials) and then your genuine offers to connect with people. I felt your sincerity, and the reason I am so moved is because I am genuine and sincere, too, and often very giving if myself. But it's typically questioned (maybe other people don't really operate on genuineness and sincereness) by others which leads them to question me and my motives (or did when I was kid and has left me a hyper vigilant adult). You're the first person I've really felt is also that way...in the same way that I am. This probably doesn't make any sense anymore as I am rambling, so I'll leave it at thank you for making your content. I appreciate it a lot.

[@kimmccaleb4170]

Thank you for the authenticity.

[@siobahngoodwin7337]

I found your channel about a month or 2 ago and you've changed the world for me and I wanted to say thank you! Im 44 female with issues too many to list and diagnosis of many mental health problems these include OCD, ADD, agoraphobia, severe PTSD, GAD, and depression. I wrote a thing last year about what I called "my crazies" doing battle my OCD v ADD and how simply putting laundry away was torture for me. (I have to match the color of hangers then make sure The fibinacci sequence sequence was displayed in color arrangement.) Its a whole thing🙄 and hard to explain. So whole my brain insists on that i also have my ADD brain like, "will those shoes go on the dog? Let's make cupcakes!!" I had 7 massive strokes a month after turning 40 and then ended a 14 year relationship with the guy who was my best friend before we got together so I had spent every day with for 20 years. Big changes! Then I got kicked out of my house and was in a shelter for the homeless bc I am not able to work. An employee there sexually assaulted me and then I moved to a town I know zero people. So, I'm not being dramatic to say I thought I was losing my grip if u know what I mean. I have lost my ability to mask and tbh the desire to appear normal. Hearing your videos made me stop and listen and the more I hear the more I'm convinced I may have ASD. Occam's razor, I believe, would say that it makes more sense than having like every other mental disorder in the DSM. I have an appointment with a doctor who specializes in asd and is very familiar with how women my age were conditioned to mask. My entire body can be full of electricity and about to go nuts and from the outside, but you'd never suspect a thing. But my point was that I'm thankful to u for telling your story and I'm hopeful I'll know mine soon, or a part at least. Thb I'm scared they'll say I don't have autism and then I am in the wind again. I've never said that stuff to anyone. I'm not sure why I just vomited my soul onto your comments, but there it is. I'm a tough girl who's been broken by the cruelity of others but not defeated. All my life I've felt just barely hanging on by my fingernails and fueled by a determination to know why I'm so tortured and to someday know what its like to be happy... or content. Id settle for content and comfortable as happiness seems too far to climb. Thanks for just being you and for caring about the people like me who struggle to walk to the mailbox or be able to just breathe and be okay. It was less a struggle today and your calm voice was a big part of that. Thanks from the bottom of my heart! I haven't ben able to work, but I will give what I can to help support this work u do. I know my grammar and punctuation is horrible and I apologize for that. I've been typing through tears. Have a nice night!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi, Thank you so much for sharing this part of your story here. I'm very sorry to hear about all of the many challenges you've been through, but it sounds like you're an incredibly strong person with a lot of determination to persevere in the face of challenges. For what it's worth, I like to believe that for every valley we experience, life has an equally large mountain for us to experience as well. Hang in there. You're not alone.

[@MDev1997]

For me, I do feel more autistic post-self-diagnosis (I'm 25 now), but I think it's mostly because I'm working to unmask so all of my sensory issues are WAYYYY more noticeable now whereas previously, most of those just showed up as me feeling on-edge and uncomfortable without expressing it or knowing why. And the social differences are more noticeable as well. Like taking things too literally or not being able to read between the lines of what someone's saying. I think part of the social differences being more noticeable is now I'm living with my neurotypical partner so I interact with him super often about lots of things so the misunderstandings come up a lot more often and are a lot more apparent.

[@mynewyork165]

You have a beautiful voice!

[@alexandrafischer9799]

I’m so happy I found this video today . I have been trying all morning to control my panic attack . I could feel it coming since yesterday and this morning was so tough. You really helped me 😊

[@OldTimer1970]

I for one am so glad you're here. Been to so many channels, but I have only really been able to connect with your content. I keep having doubts and I watch one of your videos and it's like Taylor just confirmed it I'm on the right track and I feel better.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Oh I’m so glad to hear it’s been helpful to you! I’m glad you’re here

[@OldTimer1970]

@@MomontheSpectrum you're probably the only person who would understand how much help it's been. I will join the channel properly on Friday.

[@vickisnyder3997]

I was shamed for hand waving as a kid.. lately I feel the need to do it and trying to avoid the shame of it... I'm seeking diagnosis and not sure what I should show in my upcoming anticipated evaluation... I'm really confused after trying to mask for many years... I'm also avoiding social situations.. I want to participate, but have no spoons for it...

[@sunshine_almon]

Thank you so much for mentioning this! ever since i did enough research to conclude that i probably am autistic, i also felt like i needed to stim more, (maybe i’m just more aware and able to accommodate myself now?) and almost that exact situation with waiting to talk to someone happened a few days ago. thank you so so much for sharing your experiences! you are very much not alone in this, as many people have probably already said, this is very relatable.

[@sunshine_almon]

ooh just a side note; this happened as i went back to school after realising over the holidays… so maybe it’s not so much to do with becoming an adult (i am not) but more with being more aware of our own needs?

[@carinakamangoesmael7669]

At 8 minutes in, I feel like what you are describing is more enlightenment. Rather than having a meltdown and not knowing why, you understand how you got there. You are more aware of your needs and are accommodating them as you gain maturity. The hope is that every autistic child would be given the tools to begin to identify and express their needs before reaching a breaking point.

[@kellyely9113]

Your videos are very encouraging and insightful and are helping so many people who previously or currently are still finding their voice, keep up the good work 👏 I'll be tuning in.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks Kelly. Glad you're here.

[@Mandalasa]

🤣 oh That’s so totally 💯 me! Standing there un the background, Waiting and Waiting and then nearly being in awe for those ppl who just pass by and speak to the trainer, while I’m still waiting and wondering how all this happened 😂 get it! Thanks! Love your vids 😘

[@eveningprimrose3088]

Omg, what happened to you at the dance class...it has happen to me sooo many times! I get so confused and irritated! I am nearing 60 and undiagnosed. I feel worn completely out and done. I know I am not able to do the things I did even three years ago. I don't know where I can even get diagnosed or help in the southern U.S.!

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

Yes, I relate to this video! The only reason I discovered my autism was because I could no longer pretend to be okay (when my brain and body were screaming at me to take a rest, or a time-out); and on that note, I can no longer pretend to have energy when I don't. I can't hardly focus on anything if I had a bad night's sleep, or even if I haven't had enough water. One day I felt embarrassed when I ran into my aunt in the grocery store, because I could hardly string together sentences, and my mind just wouldn't work because I just felt dehydrated (even though I had a few sips of water before shopping). She looked at me with a concerned face, because I probably looked in distress, and I probably looked faint (like I was going to pass out or something). It amazes me just how much more these things affect me, compared to regular everyday people. I can also relate to having social confusion, and it makes it difficult for me to participate in group activities, knowing that I might feel embarrassed if I don't talk when I am supposed to (and the other person just stares at me, waiting for a response when I really don't know what to say). We can't blame ourselves too much for having social anxiety when we encounter these types of situations almost every time we go out and about.

[@Francesca948]

thank you very much for another interesting video ♥️ it also happens to me that I feel more autistic now that I am 30 years old. I think that the fatigue of work and life has taken off my mask without realizing it / without being premeditated, and I no longer care how he acted or what others think because I am very tired and I also want to be consistent with my essence / soul. Greetings from Uruguay !

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hello in Uruguay!

[@ROQUECA401]

So this is terrifying to write buttttt putting it out there and hoping for the best lol - first off thank you for making videos, I’m not sure how I came across them but I have been going down a rabbit hole lately and it’s been eye opening! I was diagnosed with adhd in my early 20’s after having many conversations and thinking I had it but growing up around family that just thought a lot of those things (mental health) was just all in someone’s head and something you had to overcome….it was vindicating to finally have that official confirmation and helped me to come to terms and accept myself for things I had beat myself up for my entire life- it’s just crazy. So here I am 10 years later and thanks to so many creators for putting so much information out there I am struggling with feeling like I might be more on the spectrum than just adhd but also thinking I’m just overthinking things- I don’t have a lot of experiences growing up that stand out as being autistic in nature but now as an adult I see it all over the place - biting my lips and cheeks constantly and picking at my fingers as stimming, feeling both excited to go do things but also not wanting to go out and a lot of being pulled in two opposite directions in my brain - not to get too carried away in the comments but so much of what you say feels so relatable! How is it possible to feel this way now but to not noticed it my entire life? Is that really how masking works? Anyways love what you are putting out there so thank you!!!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome! And yes I’m not quite sure what to say in terms of how it’s possible…there is a lot of misinformation, misinformed doctors, psychologists, etc…societal norms that encourage us to stay in our boxes…it’s a whole network of things but once you start seeing it, it never ends! Glad you’re here for part of your journey. 💓

[@kimberlycitizenenichols5627]

I find you relatable.. thankyou for sharing..

[@SheenyPebble]

😊Love the expression on your face when you showed us the fidget toy!🥰 Children of all ages...❤

[@anelethomson1036]

Honestly, before I was just really confused because I could sensed I was different and didn’t know in what way, now I know and I just allocate all these feelings under this autistic umbrella and not analyse it, because it takes so much energy. I really feel much better and have more freedom. All the why’s are easily handled now and I can focus on the rest, which are my favorites. I don’t feel ashamed for not attending social events anymore and don’t beat myself up or think about it so much. My world is just different and it’s OK! Happy!!

[@garyg6000]

Yes, I am 72 and have found that autistic symptoms and awareness of them have increased as I get older. I was in my 60's before I became aware that what I have dealt with all of my life is autism.

[@victoriajohnson3034]

At 44 i feel you! I'm not diagnosed but the more I'm researching it the more connection I'm seeing. I would say i have 85 percent of highly functioning autism traits.

[@carinamandarina554]

Im struggeling so much. My family and therapist soes not think im autistic..im42..and I know i am...got no where to turn😢

[@brittvaughn9447]

I haven't watched this yet but just from the title OH MY GOD I RELATE. I almost feel like I'm faking it because I wasn't an obvious kid (didn't know until I was 30), but I can't, yenno, stop "faking." People avoid me because of my awkward now more than they ever have before. But that might also be the incredibly judgy environment I find myself in now.

[@IsidorTheNordicGuy]

It’s been almost 2 years now I think since my diagnosis and I am frequently watching videos like yours to learn because to me it felt like getting a note with the word autistic on it and a “good luck” and off I was sent out of the office. Have to learn and study everything myself which has been an experience I can’t put into words quiet yet. Two years and yes I do feel more autistic and sometimes that feels good and sometimes it depresses me because I realize how much I’ve been masking my whole life due to being shamed for behaviors I felt was normal as a kid. Long post but I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart because now I finally feel less lonely and it’s more bearable 🙏🏻 Wishing you the best 😊 Greetings from Sweden 🇸🇪 //Isidor

[@mindycabral7532]

My new special interest appears to be autism. I follow you here and on tiktok. I am 65 years old and just realizing this is why I hated myself my whole life. Why everything is so hard and has been forever. Knowing I've already gone thru school, worked, married, raised kids, and I had to do all that not even knowing autism existed. Shrinks missed it with me and with my boys born 1987 and 2000. My whole life has gone by.

[@kimmccaleb4170]

I am grandmother age and am just learning I am likely autistic. 🙃 it explains so much. It also motivates me to just stop the nonsense. It takes too many spoons to mask . Why do it anymore? Not necessary. Not going to spend my spoons on masking. Not going to spend my spoons or trying to be what iam not. Yes. The older I get the more I could not care less about not being who I am

[@WizardKitty723]

I’m definitely feeling more autistic. I think it’s burnout, having less energy overall, and menopause, too.

[@WeepingWillow422]

👈🏻 Burnout here.

[@pauagh]

thank you for your channel. You have helped me and so many others so much.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re very welcome. Thank you for your comment.

[@Beafree1975]

It's so cool that you've gone from 1K to 157K in two years! I was self diagnosed for over a year but I was just diagnosed this week as autistic. I have stopped pressuring myself to mask (plastered smile on my face) when I leave the house. What's funny is that I thought people wouldn't want to approach me but nope, strangers still come up to me. I have decided if I don't want to smile in photos, I don't have to. Since I was a kid I was always self-conscious about not smiling right (thanks to my mom).

[@katzenbekloppt_mf]

Finally I was able to see Beltre´s name written and was able to see him in all his geourgesness😍😻❤ Oh godess he is adorable! And I loved to see You interacting with him like I do with my cats, especially my tomcat. And the face of sadness when he jumped off! Feel so caught in a good way, Taylor🤗

[@DeMafiaGirl]

I don't know if its because I never used to notice these things about me cause I used to think I was just fine and just weird for no reason. But when you start wondering if you have something like autism or adhd you start seeing those symptoms more clearly and gain that self awareness I guess? And also you stop masking as much because you realize that you're not broken or an alien you don't have to keep pretending to be who you're not

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💯

[@PhDGoldVee]

I’m undiagnosed so I think awareness is a big thing. I breathed a huge sign of relief knowing I have an attention deficit, I can go back through my life and understand myself better, however now I fidget ALL THE TIME - I’m overwhelmed ALL THE TIME. It seems like I have more and more traits, is it my age, my environment, my lack of support system?? Thank you for starting the conversation, Thank you so much for sharing 🧡

[@WaterFor3st]

I'm so glad about this one because I feel that now that I'm older and aware that I have many qualities of autism, I notice my ticks/habits more often and don't try to lose or mask so much. I know that I like heavy weight on me and always wanna type on a keyboard. That I didn't realize was how I would stim. I grew up using a computer at home (or even handwritring [at school]) so I was typing all the time, I had a typing job that satified that after I graduated. When I wasn't working for some time I went back to the online chatting thing mainly because I need to TYPE. If only I can find a good hand fiddler that can give as much satisfaction as typing on a computer keyboard can. Extra fact, I played piano keyboard as a stim hobby (before I knew what I was really getting out of it).

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I love typing too!!!

[@Sky-Child]

Your cat is like my kids' cat. Massive ginger boy, SO cuddly and sooky. He is so tolerant, the wee one used to carry him over her shoulder and everything. Cats are life 😍

[@roxanes43]

Oh my gosh the story about waiting awkwardly to talk with someone 💯 And then someone else just breezes in and hijacks the situation 🥴 So relatable! I found your channel today and you are a gift 🎁 I've had so many tendencies for so long and never could explain. I took the online quizzes you recommended and mind blown 🤯 Next is learning about autism in adulthood as someone perceived as having my sh!t together, then an official diagnosis assessment. I cannot thank you enough Taylor!!!!

[@janejones5362]

That one where you had to wait to talk, that woman WAS rude. That wasnt your misunderstanding. You had it right.

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

Ahhh 🥺🥺🥺 the struggles which cannot be seen. I know this so well. Thank you for bringing attention and awareness to this. 🙏

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yeah and sometimes they're the struggles which can't even be named. I'd love to talk more about them once I find words for them.

[@erwvhkasdkvhsdjajsdhcadsh9055]

What a cat on a thumbnail!💞i was mesmerized and even made a printscreen

[@TrinityMorningstar]

Can you talk more about your sleep patterns, and if your symptoms worsen when tired

[@kimmccaleb4170]

I really needed to here this. I am almost in spoon deficient myself.

[@ImmortalAmbitions]

Self diagnosed… very emotionally raw from a fresh argument with one of my 3 best friends about my suspicions of having ASD… Yes!!! I think that’s why I’m more determined to seek. Is because I want to understand my brain so I can work it and not just it work me. I 💯% relate to being annoyed when I have to do something other than my special interest. And I get overwhelmed a lot more easily now

[@nerdOfor0life]

For me, it is about being aware of, and makeing decisions about masking.

[@stephaniebarrows5428]

As a flutist who took a “few” years off - partially because of injuries - it was alarming to walk into concert band rehearsal and feel overwhelmed by all the noise. Did that ever happen to you?

[@JeremiahSenner]

I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but the people who have both autism and ADHD understand me better than any other group of people with a label. My favorite social activities are making me exhausted for days sometimes and it does make me feel more autistic. I think I just have less energy to spend on my mental processes than I did in my 20s and 30s.

[@SK-gc7xv]

I've known for a long time, and my context is different, but the thrust of everything you say is spot on for me as well.

[@raisingemmabear6322]

Awesome video! I’m sure feeling more autistic is life, circumstance, and unmasking causing it to “show” more lol. Very well put! I’m on my own journey preparing for my own assessment so these videos are very empowering and informative. Helping me see things in myself much easier!

[@sarahroblestorres8821]

thank you so much for existing!!

[@nanas.grotto3091]

i was diagnosed adhd back in 2008 back then that disqualified you from being autistic , so i was never diagnosed. I feel like part of the reason I feel this way is because as a kid you are encouraged to do "kid" things like follow passions and also stimming was a lot more socially accepted. Now as an adult being forced to assimilate to sustain yourself and sit/act like a grown up it feels heavier.

[@Lillyluvsanime]

I've gotten to where, when I'm waiting my turn but want someone to KNOW I'm waiting my turn to speak, I raise my hand. It's very effective in my workplace and with family.

[@bryanmerton5153]

Hi Tay, this is a really interesting topic. I thought about it and came up with this. I used to feel weird and now I feel Autistic! Yes more autistic. I have mentioned that I was diagnosed with ADHD 50 years ago at 12. It was new, had a different name, and everything they knew about it was wrong! It wasn’t until my 20’s when the name had changed to ADD and they had a lot more information. It was then when I learned that all of my traits were “normal” as it were. So at least I had an identification to go along with them. So learning I was Autistic a year ago filled in all of the gaps. So now I have become sort of an “in your face” Autistic adult. I openly stim, wear Autism and neurodivergent themed T-shirts, and answer questions people might have about them. I want a world for my nephew to grow up in where being Autistic is just another way of being. Like you I stim a lot. I solve my Rubik’s Cube maybe 20 times a day. I have three! I have a bag of wonderful stim toys to choose from and I never leave the house without my trusty fidget spinner in my pocket! Oh, have you tried Orbeez? They are colorful polymorphic balls that are super fun to play with! I know 62 going on 12🤪. I find that stimming helps me channel energy and helps me focus. In stressful situations it helps me remain focused and calms me down. I know its counterintuitive, but stimming also helps me focus when people are talking to me. Your channel is wonderful. I tell my partner “Oh Tay had the most interesting video today!” I can’t wait to see what’s coming next. Your channel has helped my grow and feel more comfortable with who I am. Your joy for what you are doing in contagious. Thanks again and look forward to what is coming next!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

🥺💞Thank you so much Bryan. You are such a kind soul. Your words mean a lot to me. I love learning from your experiences regarding your ADHD diagnosis before that was really a thing and also from you receiving an autism diagnosis later in life. You have a lot of wisdom to share and I'm here for it. Curious where you get your autism t-shirts!! :) I'd love to find some. I saw some at walmart but they were from Autism Speaks, which I know is a contested organization within our community. "I want a world for my nephew to grow up in where being Autistic is just another way of being." 💓We need more people like youuuuu. YES I've tried Orbeez. I love them BUT... so do my kids. And because they're kids, somehow our Orbeez end up covered in lint and hair, which makes them considerable less fun. :) And yes stimming definitely helps me concentrate when I'm talking to other people. Thanks for your kind words Bryan. The world benefits from your kind heart! Hope you have a great week.

[@bryanmerton5153]

@@MomontheSpectrum Hey someone liked my comment and was rereading yours and I never answered. I get my t-shirts on Etsy. There are a bunch and very different then from Amazon.