How to Neutralize the Negativity of Toxic People

How to Neutralize the Negativity of Toxic People
If You Can't Avoid Toxic People: Neutralize Their Negativity
When there are toxic, hostile people in your life, best we avoid them, best we disengage when we find ourselves victimized by them. But if we can't avoid them, if we can't disengage from them, best we find ways to neutralize their negativity with our minds. We don't have to let their negativity and judgments make us depressed, anxious or angry. We don't have to believe their story that they are the victims, that it's our fault for their toxicity. We don't have to feel diminished in any way. We remind ourselves of who we are. We remind ourselves that we are worthy of respect and deserving of love, compassion, and kindness in our lives. We tell ourselves we give them no power to affect our emotions. And, in so doing, we free ourselves from the prison of shame, guilt, self-loathing, and victimization. This is self-reliance. This is happiness. This is being a master of your emotions and not a victim of them.
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[@MadDragon75]

I did this as a experiment and had 100% success. I simply locked them out of my head as I watched videos like this one. Each post got another video share until it stopped. The next day I resolved the matter on messenger. It works if you find a method that works for you.

[@Walterdoc22]

well done!

[@dandyandy2046]

I absolutely agree. It took me a long time but with practice, I started getting better at it. Of course, I need to stay sharp and continue to grow and be wary of my ego

[@tookeys3932]

Hi, thank you so much for passing on your knowledge, literally my family had been fighting verbally and physically almost non stop every day for 3 weeks and all it took was a simple text message (I love you) and 1 hour later defused.. My body literally feels like it's poisoned, so I'm going to try pressure point stimulation and breathing the toxic out.

[@TheNikki284]

Hi, Dr. Thanks so much for the video! Question: will this method work on a Covert Narcissist? That's my toxic person and she has very, very little empathy. Thanks so much!

[@harrys.3165]

@@TheNikki284 I would simply get them out of your life.This is a good way to get them thinking about who they are and what they have done.They may end up with no friends sooner than you think.Don't let that person into your life again because they are incapable of changing their behavior unless they have a severe life changing experience that may or may not force them to truly look at themselves.All the best in your life and may you achieve true peace...Only then have you truly won.

[@amandarecoveryjones8216]

It's hard to see them as a person who needs love when they have destroyed your whole life and well being. But, seeing things in a much more peaceful way, helps you overall. Thanks for your advice

[@SvetlanaMinina]

Great video, currently have to live with extremely toxic person and there's no way to get out of this situation. I refuse to fight and just stay silent all the time, but the words still get to me. This is hard, I'm exhausted... Watching videos like this helps me to not let them control my mind.

[@Liberty969]

I have to learn how not to react

[@faithkhashmere246]

I like your goal which tbh most of us struggle with today! I was just curious to know if u have been successful in doing so? If yes, how? Let's connect to help the world starting from us:) lol sorry if i became cheesy in the end😁

[@chrisfergie2080]

I’m gonna try not to react. I’m not gonna allow them to get in my head space

[@umerqureshi2012]

Meditate

[@bobbob9364]

Speak to someone

[@mariahpalmer663]

Same!

[@AsianPoshDorene]

Have tried everything! After 5 months with this toxic co worker I’m moving on!!!

[@xfaroutzx3637]

The best advise i can give is to raise your own vibration and give yourself love and see the behaviours of the toxic person exactly for what it is. Gain confidence in yourself, have clear strong boundaries and minimize the contact you have to have with them.

[@juliaakajulznixon7235]

As a person who was raised by a very toxic person it took me years to recognize that that was ALL I gravitated to as an adult! I was swimming in a cesspool of negative lovers, friends, band members and acquaintances! Until I started to hurt so badly I could not take it anymore ! I began to understand I was an empath of a very high level who lived strongly by the Good Rule! And this very thing kept me locked into highly toxic relationships for decades! Your first solution works for me the second one I am not ready for yet! My history of toxic relationships has left me too angered, damaged and wounded! My wounds are still too fresh the toxic person can still hurt me! I can not lift them up yet ! It is a way for a very evolved person!! I am healing!!! Thank you for this though it helps!!!

[@awestruckandinspired4916]

We can't change people; we can only change our attitude and perspective. We can try to show this perspective to the "other" people. And if they don't want to see it, that's okay. Bless their Heart

[@nicolegreen9054]

I like this approach. What I heard was if possible avoid toxic people. When it is not possible to avoid them, love them in my mind. In my mind give them the love they are asking for. In the physical don't respond to the unwanted behavior, but when I think of the person in my mind, respond with kindness and love. The person cannot reject how I see them in my mind because I control my mind. The times I have tried this, It does stop people in their tracks and they go elsewhere. It takes practice and I intend to do so. Thanks for the video.

[@debraanchante3661]

This is the best advice I’ve ever heard for someone who cannot avoid a toxic person. I’m going to master these techniques.. thank you so much.

[@rajeshwaripsl]

I am currently dealing with toxic in-laws and this is such a good advice to me at the right time. Thank you for making me think differently than fall into the trap of "oh they hate me"

[@bhuvaneshwarij1326]

Same here she bitches abt me I feel like arguing

[@andrewz.3432]

Honestly, this is extremely difficult for me to do. I'm a very sensitive person by nature. I usually just don't like being bothered by people. I like my alone time or to not be disturbed when I'm at work. Although it never fails I always attract people I can't stand that love to irritate the shit out of me or make stupid comments on purpose to get under my skin. I'm not the kind of person who likes to shit talk/joke around I'm pretty serious and just like to do my job when I'm at work but it never fails I always have some dumbass getting in my way. All I want in my life is to just be left alone and not to be bothered God dam it is that so hard to ask? Seriously fuck people.

[@marsinafrica]

my husband used to verbally abuse me and I was financially unable to leave him due to illness. I found more and more time to be alone and worked on self love, work on forgiveness and raising my vibration. I became less reactionary over time when he got in his mood. I started seeing his pain and speaking more kindly even when under attack. Each attack became softer. Each time I was able to forgive him more quickly. Each time I was able to progress in unfolding his complicated gaslighting techniques more and more until arguments became unconfusing. We are still working on it but now it is 'we' working and not me reacting and screaming and trying to get away from him. I also set boundaries that I would not speak to him when he was drunk. I use to call him a lush. I changed my language to things like 'under the influence' ... an example of how you can soften your language to not stoke the fire. He has dramatically slowed in drinking. He has made a near 180 flip. I have taken responsibility for my own extreme language and reactions to him and focused on staying calm...and it worked. I don't know if we will be together forever. married since 99...and about 8 years of serious and continuous verbal abuse to less and less and less frequency. I left him once in between but health issues and money brought us back together again. I think leaving him helped him get serious. plus I exposed his abuse to others which made him face it. Still reliant on each other financially, I had to work with what was in front of me...and took responsibIlity for how I contributed and changed my response and forgiveness time by changing MY perpective by not seeing him as a monster, but as a little wounded boy. All of my marriage, he would not admit to how his horrible father had continued to affect him and he finally is admiting it and exploring how. Anyway, we are still together and growing and the abuse, even subtle passive aggressive language has nearly 100% disappated. We will see where we go but with this level of growth happening to both of us, the pain may have been worth it. I know that if we work out, we will be so glad we stuck it out snd evolve into a rich relationship with a deep past. and if we dont work out, I know that each of us will have evolved enough Within our troubled relationship to not vibrationally attract another partner with the same issues in the future.

[@Kyrani99]

Giving love is connecting with the other person. This is extremely dangerous if the other person is toxic and inhumane, as for example psychopathic, narcissistic etc., because you open yourself up to them. And they are not after love. Most are after getting pleasure by seeing your pain and suffering. Connecting gives them a golden opportunity to hurt you. The only response to ward them off is this www.quora.com/How-can-I-brain-drain-my-enemies/answer/Kyrani-Eade

[@reesedaniel5835]

Kathy Farrey: Using the Devil to fight the Devil? Not wise.

[@rachelm7525]

Thank-you, sir. I currently have a toxic relationship with my son, who has moved back in with us. He's selfish and abusive, and I bear the brunt of his anger. I tried the 'love conquers all' approach, but he's not ready for that, so I'm going to try the 'inner peace' approach now. He'll just have to come around when he's ready. And I just have to pray hard!! 🙂

[@nichellehowell]

How are things now?

[@rachelm7525]

@@nichellehowell thank-you, he now has a young lady and lives with her, which seems to have sweetened him a little 🙂

[@antwilliams296]

Still learning without cursing people out or throwing fists. It's an everyday struggle. I work at a place with at least 100 people on the floor at one time. It's like a little community. One rumor goes out it spreads like wildfire. Started a job years ago. Don't know what went wrong but I would have certain people talk bad about me in Spanish. Just happened again recently but refused to go back to old ways. I can pick up on certain words/phrases. Still standing 3 years later looking to leave a good impression on management and kill my negative co workers with kindness

[@MichelleVisageOnlyFans]

Kill them with kindness, as they say. Very good. But very hard to do! You need to be a very high level of positive vibrations and in alignment with your true, unconditionally self-loving self. But it can be done. For sure. We see it happening and it's beautiful when it happens and changes the dynamic of the person and the whole situation.

[@Walterdoc22]

yes!

[@mimipeach]

I tried to give love for three years and heal the relationship then i decided it was too much abuse and it was exhausting me to the core but at least i can thankfully say that i tried and that if i gave love when I didn’t get love or receive any of it back that I always had love inside of me 💗💗💗💗

[@Sbock86]

I'm in this exact position. How do I get out...gulp

[@cynthiahawkins2389]

We are very active in our community in many ways, helping others....animal rescue/food bank/recycling/book donations/visiting the homebound elderly. Anyway, awhile back wanted to help a mentally ill homeless guy, who had consistently refused treatment, and in every way rebuffed attempts to get him on the right track. We sincerely thought that offering him safe, clean shelter might be of assistance, we even allowed the man to stay in our home. And one day, by himself in my home...utterly unprovoked, while I was out doing laundry, he worked himself into a raging, intense screaming tirade, threatening to kill our neighbor's child. This is a small building, so the people downstairs/next door heard every single word he said. I quietly came back from chores, asked him to leave, kept my eye on the knife board, took his keys and off he went, still steaming. He suffered from longtime-untreated BIPOLAR 1. That was 8 years ago. He showed up, amazingly enough, at our door the other night, offering (after 8 years and still no treatment, I will guess) his own version of what happened on that dreadful day. Not at all true. I looked at him. Gaunt, confused, drawn, hollow eyed, he looks to be in very poor health. And again, his constant litany of "I'll be moving to Portland/Seattle/New Mexico.." what a waste. I feel for him. This kind of negativity could have cost us our lives, to say nothing of the neighbor's kids..I have rules now, governing my generosity, and it doesn't make a person hard hearted to set boundaries. Some people have sour, pessimistic natures. Others are indeed, dangerous and mentally unstable. Learn the difference, but never stop doing good in the world.

[@kezadrone]

That second one works. There was this guy in a bar round here that constantly said something hostile to me when he saw me out on a night, I eventually got tired of it and said, " Look, you can say what you want, be as hostile to me as you like, the fact is I don't dislike you, you know." He walked off and that new year in the same bar he said we were cool now and bought me a beer, we say hello and are friendly to each other now and ever since. So before today's defeatist and cynical attitudes force you to call BS on this video, give it a try, you can save yourself a load of bother.

[@reesedaniel5835]

Obviously, he is not a Cluster B. They don't operate like that.

[@peacefulpath222]

We don’t have to heal or fix anyone. We can show them love and forgiveness because that’s who we are. If they reject they or are still difficult to deal with we can do this as a quiet practice to ourselves or love them from afar so we have healthy boundaries and if we need to dal with them disarming phrases are good to know. I like to use the art of ho’oponopono. I also take responsibility & see everyone as me pushed out & loving the parts of me which need it the most. 🙏🏻

[@bumblebee7542]

I think this might have the best piece of advice I’ve heard. I’m really going to try to do this - I acknowledge it won’t work with a sociopath/ narcissist as already mentioned, but with a friend who has the tendency to have a need to feel superior by poking you with a few negative jibes every now and then... those people... before I throw in the towel of a 20+ year friendship, where everything with them is ok apart from this aspect of them, I’m really going to try this. I hope it can neutralise the feeling it envokes in me by implementing this “raising them to my vibe by being loving” in that moment. I feel I have found a strategy that MIGHT work.

[@louisdemm1758]

I wouldn't call anyone who pokes you a friend to be honest. In my mind they'd forever be demoted.

[@nicholasdorazio10]

@@louisdemm1758 Facts, They can kick rocks

[@trysmarter1014]

Being compassionate with your abuser leaves you mangled.

[@chowdegowdac5729]

Yes you are correct sir,I proud to say I am using this principle as treat your enemy as friend

[@katemiller6567]

Wow, I agree. I'm 45 and just learning how to love my enemies. First time I forgave, and prayed for the Lord Jesus Christ to bless them...I felt like I was being crushed by a car. It felt like I was giving them permission to keep hurting me, and they had not only gotten away with it, but were being rewarded. But within 2 weeks, I saw a marked difference in their behavior, and knew it wasn't because of any interaction with me, cause I had avoided em like the plague after the first time they attacked me! My proverbial 'hat' is off to those who have practiced, and mastered this method of dealing with difficult people...not only does it work, but it actually helps all parties involved. Praise be to God, Amen! Thanks for the video. :)

[@opticalman6417]

the best way to combat negativity is to greet it with positivity

[@Walterdoc22]

absolutely!

[@noagondolin]

'Hate the sin but love the sinner'! Actually this is the core of the gospel! Thanks for sharing this healing message! 👌💕

[@gerrimiller3491]

I see that by not reacting this actually helps me to keep my inner peace. Thank you for your wisdom

[@tammysuelter6770]

You are absolutely correct. I have been there done this and you are right. LOVE transforms the worst. Perhaps not to our vibration but definitely to a higher level than that person was, resulting in a calmer energy flow. Thank you

[@proudtobeanindian1914]

This is very very informative and true...I personally have tried and tested these methods before watching or knowing this traits....I somehow understand when a person yells at me and I quickly go and hug him or her....That softens the blow immediately.... And also when someone yells at me, I quietly sit and listen to them till they finish and then respond in a calm manner... It is not easy but I have trained my mind into this...It works wonders trust me!!! Thank you for this video...It is a great reminder to me....

[@echase4790]

With agitated or angry people, I try to Vaildate at least ONE small thing that they say. Chronic Invalidation, or not feeling 'heard', can make anyone eventually feel crazy. Or more crazy. :) Validation (of just ONE thing) -- will often take the wind out of their sails -- IME.

[@xat5969]

I believe (now) that disengagement is possible more often than not. I have used your first recommendation (ignore/get out of peoples way) (before I saw this video) even when I was stuck in the same room as the toxic people day after day and it was highly effective to my great surprise. I couldn't at the time easily get another job or quit. Normally, I am trained (by habit) to, in the morning, say "hi" or say "good morning" and when leaving say something polite or what-have-you. All theses instances of being corteous where only engaging me further into the toxic peoples "universe" and allowing them the ability to do greater harm sometime down the line further in the day. Low and behold, the next day their toxicity was in effect again. As hard as it was, I learned how to actively show the individuals, "I don't like you", by ignoring them, even among their midsts. I wore headphone, I did not look at them even when they walked by me in the hall, I did not say good morning, I did not say good bye. I did not allow (as best as possible) any of their energies (mind, sight, sound, physical) enter my universe. I don't know if they realized that I was showing them "I don't like you", I couldn't tell, but tried not to care either way. If I had to, had to, had to engage like at a meeting where they would try to impose their "mind" energy on me, I was ready to "fight", metaphorically as best as possible. It's difficult when you are teamed up on as well. Low and behold, I enjoyed a great sense of freedom during this period and starting making better decisions and feeling great about myself again. I learned that, in my belief, it is ok to "not like people" and it is ok to show them that "you do not like them" (without hostility of course) and meanwhile you can still be the "good guy".

[@pa1019123]

buffalo222 excellent advice

[@xat5969]

thx

[@a.t.48]

I appreciate your expertise truly. The issue for me is when the narcissistic person wants to insult me or try to ridicule me at work in front of others. The narc is docile, pleasant, even friendly to our coworkers. I understand why they are behaving that way. The takeaway for me is the narc has the capability and is fully aware of the difference in behavior. That is what makes it difficult to continue "showing love and compassion". Others may think that it is okay to treat me that way, or they may try to as well. Not flying monkeys but just for the amusement factor.

[@eraserhead2063]

Thank you Dr. Jacobson. I've been pretty down in the dumps at school and I've needed this type of advice. I'll continue to listen to this video on repeat until I can finally come to terms with the psychological torment that I have been experiencing... What would you do if you were a high school student and someone were trying to have others conspire against you? I have anxiety so is there a chance this could be linked to my negative thoughts? I have no solid proof that they have been doing this, but I feel like they have because they've been holding a grudge against me for a long time. That being said, I cannot do anything against this person without getting in trouble myself. I'll have to continue to endure these classes with this person so... what is the best solution?

[@Rose_Ou]

Trying to take these people up to your frequency is a Sisyphean task. A narcissist is a lost cause and by trying to change them you just loose more and more of your precious energy as they will never change. The only way to survive is to stop giving them what they thrive on, i.e. your emotions, whether you react by being hyperexcited or angry. Don't accept the challenge! Take a few breaths, observe your emotions and react in the most neutral/ emotionless way you can by using neutral expressions such as "you have a right to your own opinion" or "that is interesting" or "well, I suppose we have to agree to disagree". If you cannot avoid the person completely this is all you've got to defend yourself.

[@mariamosquera1981]

You are right in this. Both suggestions are good. I tried a couple of times hugging the person when he starts complaining and he calms down. It is difficult to find the right moment before everything escalates. It really amazed me that he calmed down. I found that it was about love and attention and his feelings and fears getting out of control that about anything else ...

[@francismausley7239]

Avoidance is best.. "In the garden of thy heart plant naught but the rose of love, and from the nightingale of affection and desire loosen not thy hold. Treasure the companionship of the righteous and eschew all fellowship with the ungodly." ~ Baha'u'llah

[@rosiedavis2997]

Others have mentioned the very true scripture as a rebuttal to your position that says "Cast not your pearls to the swine..." This is one point. Another point is that to not tolerate or to walk away from a toxic person does not mean you do not love them. Jesus himself did not like the hypocritical, overly and wrongfully judgmental and critical Pharisees, Saducees, and Scribes either. And he distanced himself from them although many a times they came to follow him just to try to do what these toxic people similarly do, point out his (perceived to be) faults (we say they were only perceived as we know Jesus did not have any faults) and criticize his walk. Just a few short reminders of them being critical "Why do ye sit with public and sinners?", "Why do ye eat with unwashen hands?", "Why do ye heal on the Sabbath?" etc. I mean they wanted to follow Jesus to openly criticize and scrutinize every thing Jesus did. They often found fault and tried to make the harmless things he did seem as though they were wrong. They were really downright petty and immature. They gossiped about him and spread false rumors about him and twisted and misrepresented his words intentionally. Doesn't this sound exactly the toxic people you are referring to? They do exactly the same. Jesus loved them too as he offered salvation unto all, even them, albeit he didn't position himself as a member of their mobs which means he didn't walk with their groups and follow them to show them love which to them would have only meant feeding into their games; they followed him. He made it evident that he had a mission and other (positive) things to be doing while upon earth like healing and doing for those who actually believed in him. This didn't mean he only loved those who loved him. He just had enough sense to know the difference between loving someone and wasting time with foolish people who he knew would not change their ways. The Pharisees and Saducees were noted for not believing in Christ partly because they did not want to change their ways. They were also jealous of him and the many blessings God bestowed upon him as the beloved son of God. They could say all manner of evil against him but knew in their hearts that they could not deny that he had power and a light that they could not measure up to. So the best way for them to combat this was to lie and gossip about him and try to tarnish his image and reputation so that others would not follow him since they could not dim the light. This is the same with the toxic people in your life (save you are not the Christ that they need to believe in you). Similarly, you should know like Jesus knew about the Pharisees and Saducees, that you are only wasting time instead of focusing on your own missions in life or doing positive things by trying to love these people who are stuck in their ways. Your "love" will not change them. If they come to you or come knocking on your door just like the Pharisees came to Christ, receive them in Godly manner if you are said to be a Godly person. But do not position yourself as a member of their mob by running with them or spending time with them in person or even on the phone as they look for opportunities to find fault in everything you do and say. Like the Pharisees and Saducees did Jesus, they will only continue to falsely accuse you and spread so many lies about you that they cause people around them who naively listen to them to hate you and dislike you when you have done no harm to them much like you haven't to the person lying to them and on you. Point in case, disengage if you can. In work environments, you may be forced to socialize with them on the basis of teamwork to get a job done but beyond what has to be discussed, stay far away from them, too. Don't be a fool! Your absence is the only way they will realize what they have done wrong, but they will often come to convince themselves that they were victimized by you by you stepping away from them. They do this to combat the inward feelings of guilt they have though they live in denial. Your job isn't to make them be accountable for their actions, that is God's job and he will judge them. Your job is to stick to what God wants you to do by helping others who want to be helped and not allowing yourself to stay around them long enough to be provoked to anger that causes you to sin which you are likely to do as one can only take so much. The bible says "be angry and sin not". It is okay to be angry at them for the chaos and torment they bring to your life before you walk away from them; it's actually quite humanly. But the risk you pose to yourself by staying around them is becoming so angry that you lash out at them and return to them a dose of their own medicine (which is an eye for an eye) which is sinning. So to preserve your energy and sanity and to not be provoked to sin, it is best you walk away from them. You are not walking away in attempts to make them become accountable, but for your own good.

[@Abby-vi3el]

Rosie Davis Thank you for this Rosie! 🙏 Really helpful

[@OGQuatumStorm]

Rosie Davis Thank You for this. I needed to read this. 🙏🏾❤️🌌💫

[@dellchica2373]

Well written and thanks

[@ms.moniquebrown6754]

I loved everything that I heard this doctor say. I feel the same way he feels I just didn't have the verbiage to put it out there to articulated the way I wanted to. This is something that I will try. Thank you!

[@JD-dm1pr]

I have just got this on a deeper level than when I watched it the first time. I am curious to experience what will be the effect. Thank you Dr Walter Jacobson for offering such a compassionate perspective as it so easy to go down the other path.

[@marieljensenelairon6267]

I agree with everything he said.. and i have done both of them, The first one; the ignoring part to my guardian then the second one which is seeing through their pain, to my mom; my actual parent. And i tell you both of that ways is effective only if you use them with a specific toxic kind of person cause there are just some that even if you try hard to see through them, to understand their pain, to do stuff for them, they just dont appreciate it or its just not enough and they will just keep on being toxic, calling you names, stressing you everyday of your life and if you cant get away from them, the only thing you can do is the first advice he gave, taught yourself to not get affected by their words, manipulation etc. to be immune, it is hard especially if it feels like their toxicity or the toxic environment you are into will never end or changed but trust me, in order for you to be immune and not get affected by their words, you have to cling to something, like example: think that their unavoidable now but someday when u got the chance, when u got everything u need u will be able to get away from them... Now, clinging to something (like the example) will/may drive you to work hrd on your best not for them but for yourself to the point that they dont matter and soon that thing that you're clinging to, will happen.

[@SuperlifeMastery111]

"Hate the sin, love the sinner". Helped me a lot. Thank you

[@beckyharrt]

I had said no matter how mean you are I will still treat you with love & respect. I said this 3x over the course of 24 hrs. He couldn’t handle it & left. To my benefit! And this was before listening to you. I just thought he too was a child of God and I responded to that.

[@hestergreen2031]

Thank you for this. Walking away from it is the easiest way to handle it.

[@TJ-wh6ix]

Thanks for sharing. I'm gonna start practicing -'Hate the sin, but love the sinner' technique along with something from my yoga practice on some toxic people. I'm confident it will work.

[@beverleyroberts1025]

Very true and hard to do, but toxic people are in more pain than you, and just probably want to be normal. Best thing is just to forgive and forget 😄

[@mikeekim1101]

For the longest time I have been that toxic person. I have been negative, a complainer, self loathing as well as somebody who would gossip about people, even good friends. I think my issues with depression played a part in some of it but I am still trying to figure that out for sure. The funny thing is is that despite me being a reasonably intelligent person, I simply lacked the self awareness to realize what I was and could not figure out why it was hard to keep friends or have a healthy social life. I was oblivious to it. Come to think of it, I am surprised people put up with me as much as they did. Now I am trying hard to change.

[@adu1991]

Sometimes, they'll abuse you so much that they'll convince YOU that you're the toxic one, not them. You're kinda displaying that.

[@musicfxmaster4873]

Dr... I know you make an excellent and very altruistic point and all....but I have too much respect for my time to worry about "giving love" to assholes so as to help them see the light and change their diseased minds... I've tried and have been there in fact but it NEVER WORKED (for years in cases of family members) but I admit that mostly because you run the risk of becoming their toxic garbage can... and I eventually gave up and decided against it. You see, I'm not fucking Jesus.. MOST of the PEOPLE in question here WILL NOT WELCOME OR APPRECIATE your "LOVE" ! In fact most toxic, stupid, diseased people will interpret your lofty attempts as weakness or as needy (sucking up) even when you come from a place of strength and genuinely trying to help without seeking anything in return, such as their gratitude, approval or friendship... Unfortunately this was a lesson that took me a long time to learn. I guess it came from my mother, who was the worst example I ever had as a child. She was so preoccupied with the well being of others and because of it I witnessed how she ended up being the recipient of so much disrespect, indignant treatment and abuse. I do have to say that she WAS NOT qualified to be such person because she was coming from a place of weakness herself... Anyway, it's just not worth it regardless of whether you are not co-dependent yourself.... Am I getting paid to "help" the asshole..? Am I a fucking samaritan..? NO. I have WAY BETTER things to do with my life than to fix some clueless idiot who will most likely react with contempt ( they all do..)... You see, you're giving toxic people too much credit; the moment you ignore their toxicity and treat them with dignity and respect they resent your "helping them" and turn contemptuous ...Please... P.S (This does not mean that I don't highly commend what you're saying, your approach and the fact that you are for the most part correct... (that is if we wanted to commit to saving the world through spreading "LOVE") but I believe it's enormously idealistic and utopian... Thank God that Animals do understand it and are eternally grateful for it though... ;-) Hey, you're definitely a better person than me.. and the psychiatrist too... it's your job, not mine... and that's Okie dokie 100% OK with me ;-) )

[@jenniferestoy7651]

if you mean give love is to undestand and extend more.....understanding........it doesn't work. there are really people who are just plain vile in nature. for me the best remedy is to get away as much as possible with toxic people. been there done that, it's effective no need for indulging for sometimes it would only create dramas and so much hurt.

[@CreativelyWarped]

1st option is great advice in most circumstances. 2nd one is a case by case option. Do it only if you feel you have the ability or the advantage. Showing love doesn't work for everyone. Based on the comments I think most people will agree that you should look out for yourself first. Good luck on your journey

[@merrickg9432]

My grandfather used to be awesome, now with old age he had grown sour and pesimistic, he is complaining all day long about everything and critiquing everything and everyone around him. It's' exhausting trying to make him feel better cause nothing works, it breaks my heart to leave him alone but he just won't do anything himself to get out of the dark hole he is in. I'm going to try to extend love to him, we'll see what happens.

[@ceilconstante7813]

Doc, THANK YOU SO MUCH! That was a most valuable nugget of wisdom in a little.over 4 minutes but worth a fortune for free on KZbin!!! I subscribed and looking forward to more!

[@paulaneary3662]

Thank You for this Dr. I also believe love can change situations and people. It is far more powerful than hate and frustration. I have also already figured out that people are often not trying to hurt others, they are just in a lot of pain as you say and it comes out in very strange dysfunctional ways. So, when you talked about their behaviors being a cry for love, it really hit the spot for me. Good On You Doc!

[@uksanjay]

excellent tips. I have applied everything with toxic people, but never your II tips I will apply with my toxic family members and I am 100% sure that it will work! Thank You.

[@stephenhymesjr.9996]

Great video, thank you.

[@HRPFayetteville]

Narcosists don't change no matter how much or hard u try to love them

[@chriswalsh8567]

I've experienced this stuff throughout my life (59 now). Last 3yrs have been targeted by a covert psychopath from a prominent family in a small town. Has made life hell for me but I now believe that the Universe wants us to love and honour ourselves internally first and this leads to outer actions that support that decision. As Deepak Chopra, Mooji have said..sometimes you just can't love some people. In that case just forgive them everytime but silently and don't allow it to be a path to returning to the vomit arena they want you in!

[@marypenza4292]

This approach works! Beautiful! A long time ago I was advised to pray for every good thing for a person who used to really make me miserable. So every day I prayed for her and her family and I pray for every good thing for everyone in her life. And eventually I grew to love her and it really softened my heart towards her and all the awful things that she had been doing to me just seemed to not be so awful anymore. But you have to keep up with it and keep practicing it just like this doctor says. It's not Magic. It takes daily practice of these kinds of techniques.

[@ma.graciagianan-recuenco4095]

Thank you so much. This helps so much! Though #2 would depend on the severity of their toxicity especially if they are Narcissist, just don’t have conscience and realization of what they’ve done. Extending love sometimes give them the power to treat you more nasty coz they thought it’s just okay for them to treat you like that.

[@patmurphy389]

dr jacobsen, i drive a school bus/special needs & have to work w/a bus aide that we do not always see eye to eye on things. she constantly points out my mistakes & i try to defend myself, it always ends up in shouting matches if i pursue it-i have learned to just answer i don't know, or not answer at all or thank you for pointing that out to me--this is how i've been dealing w/the situation, i do try to observe, don't absorb, but sometimes in extreme stress it's difficult for me to do this. I will try your technique & say something like, 'that's what i love about you, you are always looking out for me to keep me out of trouble'....hopefully, this will disarm/diffuse the situation??? (one can only hope)

[@oliverencinas1804]

Great information thank you very much

[@bossbabeblue8942]

The reason I’m mistreated at my job is for being introverted, Hispanic and more successful than them.

[@dorenasadeghi5783]

My God...this thought is as beautiful as the sermon on the mount...I'm going to listen to it over and over!!!...life changing...for the person you are dealing with...but even more for yourself...thank you.

[@bossbabeblue8942]

How to deal with co-workers that always have a victim mindset and every day has to revolve around them? Their negativity is just draining. When I first started working in the office two years ago, I use to get physically ill due to the stress and anxiety. I developed IBS to the point I feared eating cause everything would upset my stomach. It also affected my speech, for the first time in my life I couldn’t speak up, I felt like I didn’t have a voice. The bullying, racial comments and putting me down really affected me, but I stayed strong. I needed the job. It’s gotten so much better now besides my coworker playing victim everyday Bringing her personal problems to work. I just put on some headphones listen to audiobooks, philosophy and stoicism etc. It’s just draining to be in the environment 50 hours a week. I’m saving 90% of my income and going to invest into real estate, also working on some E-books that I want launch next year and starting a KZbin Chanel soon. I’m staying positive that my plans will work out so I no longer have to be in the office. I’ve outgrown the job, people etc. It’s time for me to move on to greater things and stop wasting away at the office.

[@littleme3597]

Do NOT turn the other cheek. That is only for like minded people. NOT THE TOXIC, WICKED PEOPLE. All that does, is set you up for MORE ABUSE! Unless, you want to be a SAINT. BAD ADVICE DOCTOR!

[@whatdoyoulivefor735]

You have a beautiful, shining smile

[@nildreleal312]

Be it negativity, cruelty, victim syndrome, ... One of its greatest gifts is the ability to neutralize toxic people

[@sandrabates6919]

VERY WELL SAID!! I have had to cut off my entire family due to toxic energy. It leaves one lonely. I enjoy my own company thank goodness, but felt I had no choice. In wrapping others with love, even if it is only brief, as one can't stay around negative energy for long....it does protect your heart, also. Love begets love. Love them, then walk away.....quickly!!

[@user-ih9jl4zk4q]

TREAT OTHERS THE WAY THEY TREAT YOU.

[@ninaraynard6545]

Could I suggest a third option? Mind you loving in spite of being bullied and manipulated is an amazing gift of grace. Often a wife (with victim written on her forehead) who wants the marriage to be saved has to stand firmly but lovingly. This actually takes God's grace to accomplish. Without raising voice - perhaps with palm facing husband- we are not going to speak in that tone or we are not going to talk about ... etc. When the decision to stand strong against manipulation, bullying, lies, hurtful attitudes is made, so too the decision to stick with it, to be faithful to yourself in breaking the toxic cycle.

[@lovesings2us]

Wow! I love the wisdom and power of your words. Thank you so much! I'm going to copy your words and put them on my altar.

[@TimeTravelingCrystal]

i love your explanation of the call for love and how it triggers them to get cognitive dissonance and it could disarm them. i have TERRIBLE codependency and constantly try to do this "love the sinner" approach - but to my own detriment.

[@amazingyear9042]

#2 method: isn’t that Rewarding Toxic Behavior ?!? ... and then the Abusive people Continue on with their Bad behavior because they get Rewarded?!

[@Jin-cj3gl]

Being kind to them doesn't necessarily mean you have to be encouraging their abusive behaviors. When they insult,hit or anything along those lines, you could always go back to method 1 where you just let those things phase through you and ignore them until they're calmed down. Overtime they'll learn what action rewards them and what action harm them.

[@Jin-cj3gl]

@glock763 ah, that too is something to be considered

[@jessicalatorraca8507]

It is refreshing to hear a man use the word ‘love’ - and mean it! Well done.

[@observer7418]

Some of them. Others are intentionally intending to do damage to you and regard any act on your part as part of a ploy to do harm to do harm to them. The hostile people who recognize you are not affected by their and take pause in it are the one you may be able to help.

[@kamranhamidfar1725]

Being kind to abusive or manipulative people can give them the assurance that we are ok with their behavior; cutting them out is the best way. Otherwise they must face some sort of consequences and punishment.

[@sheldonthibault6631]

Thanks for doing what you do, it’s appreciated. Your words reassured me on what I’m going through. I’ve noticed that when I speak just enough to acknowledge her, then immediately carry on with me. She goes silent for a couple minutes then eventually you can hear her busy doing what ever. Haha. Thanks again Walter

[@sweetiepie6391]

THANKS SO MUCH DR Jacobson, Right on Point!! 😊😊😊

[@adu1991]

Giving love doesn't always work. Sometimes the best thing to do IS cutting them off altogether. My father has said that I'm a loser, my mother acts like a child, and my sister tried to call the cops on me for a crime that I didn't commit. Sometimes family DOESN'T have your best interests at heart and they do want to see you fall. Move farrrrr away from people who are destructive like this. Don't do what I did and try to tough it out with them. Run if you have to!

[@carmenpeters728]

you haven't worked with nurses, have you?

[@gracehill7204]

Carmen Peters I’m currently on Dialysis and there’s a lot of Passive Aggressivness among the Techs treatment of patients

[@echase4790]

@@gracehill7204 It can be a sign of BURNOUT aka Compassion Fatigue. Healthcare is one of the sickest places for disturbed individuals. And I don't mean the patients. Part of why I got out of it. :D

[@kurtbogle2973]

It's amazing how children learn to prosses psychological torture. My mother hated us. Took psychology to learn how to destroy us under her mother's nose. After realizing that she was trying to do damage, she was null and void for ever. She liked verbal combat. So I would respectfully listen to her words and walk away. She finally was put in a institution According to a family member. Lol, what a way to start life. Thank god for Grandma!

Thank you doctor for this valuable info. Some toxic people you have to flee from and avoid forever.

[@Walterdoc22]

i agree. the ideal scenario is to disengage from toxic people, places and circumstances in your life.

[@naeru5810]

what a great video.thanks I for the great tips.

[@idontlikenames9082]

Helped me a lot man.

[@vonlossberg]

I think that is good advice. Thanks!

[@joyh2125]

Great info...I'm not waiting to try this. I'm doing this now! thanks

[@serenityfields7514]

love it. youre like the mad psychological scientist who has found such a good good key point that does help alot. thank you

[@Truerealism747]

Have you got any more vids on how TMS should be treated thought etc

[@tarekaellis438]

thank You good Doctor...I never would have come to the conclusion if You had not suggested to be loving instead of being defensive in a situation in which I find offensive...I think bullies are such a waste....

[@ndjubilant8391]

Wow, you are able to articulate simple, bold ideas both in speaking and writing that will help a lot of people.

[@fritula6200]

Gary Schofield.. in reply... what a wonderful human being you are. Your humility helped this man. God bless you in everything you do.. you truly are a great friend.

[@krisschirmer-designerartis1933]

I think you are very wise and it is true, that even attacking people up to a grade are looking for love, help, or want to be understood. same goes for children ... for all of us! love and hugs kris

[@b79057]

i understand your good message about neutralizing the negativity of another with compassion. I agree. Can I please point out that if your video was listened to by someone living in a toxic domestic relationship with low self esteem that doesnt have the strength to walk away, they may hear your message and misinterpret it as an encouragement to stay and try to be 'more loving' in hope that the abuse stops and the person miraculously becomes respectful.

[@critchie]

*a twisted call for love*

[@elizabethtucker4825]

I needed this! Thank you 💛God bless you.

[@rhobi-jb9um]

A positive vibration is more powerful than 1,000 negative ones. You have your own autonomy and beliefs. You are more than capable of canceling out their negativity. In fact, if your powerful and positive enough, THEY will try to get away from YOU!

[@jumpityjump3]

My dad is one of these. Narciopath (trying to coin that one lol). This is very helpful! Thank you. ❤️

[@chrisrhythm7106]

I like to thank you for this sir, this really helped me. I'm dealing with a Narcissistic Tyrant who verbally abuses and tries to attack everyone. Now, he is a friend of mine and I get that hes disabled..he just pushes everyone and blames us for his misfortune. Tries to tell my roommates and I how to live and things we shouldnt do. I don't like his negativity because, it affects my mood and im already in a bad mental state with my ptsd and psychotic and depressive episodes. Acts like we dont matter, that his well being and materialistic stuff matters to us. Hes out of it, I just dont really know sometimes.

[@chrisrhythm7106]

I cant show him, that i'm weak or give into my anxieties fear..need to learn how to manage my emotions and build confidence

[@zhouwu]

Beautiful. Praise the Lord.

[@PHDinMeTV]

Thanks for sharing Dr. Jacobson! Abundant Love Beloveds!

[@lovelight...1940]

Thank you for trying to help us find way to treat others who may be a bit different cause I've heard, and believe that no one is born that way, life happens somewhere along the way for some to be the way that they are. God has a of turning the tables around so be kind and gentle and patient with people who may not be as fortunate as you. Help your bro or sister along the way don't give up people do change. Give love a chance, even from a distance.