How to Overcome Black & White Thinking

[@dazzlerweb]

this is a grey area.

[@grace.1123]

My boyfriend and I recently had our first disagreement in our relationship because he always tries to take a very unbiased approach with politics; I’ve always considered myself very open minded and seemingly willing to listen to other POVs but when he showed me videos and discussions of people I normally wouldn’t want to listen to/be willing to hear the thoughts of, I realized how much I actually was being black and white with my own thinking. Also definitely never realized how using “but” can really make your overall tone sound way more harsh/negative. Im gonna try consciously working on using different words to avoid coming across like this in my future conversations, your skit was super helpful to conceptualize!!

[@souls2]

My people will never be free

[@dreambokek]

I think we have normalized it a ton. Most opinions on the far majority of topics tend to boil down to "this sucked" or "this was amazing". And you see this almost everywhere, what affects me the most is how casual it is, the topics can be as mundane as fast food restaurants but your voice is drowned out if you don't have a particularly strong opinion or commit to either side.

[@Marie-pj6ip]

So true

[@growing.flowers]

Yeah i guess we just wanna be heard

[@warrenlanham9088]

Wow. All of western society should be required to watch this video.... daily.

[@cornbone]

black and white thinking is not something that only applies to certain cultures. everyone is guilty of black and white thinking to a degree

[@Mett19]

@@cornbone Typically a CBT or NLP experience or some mindfulness exercises will help people realize make more than is necessary out if some things is beneficial. Sometimes black and white thinking saves lives. Depends on the context.

[@warrenlanham9088]

@@cornbone yeah i know. That's fairly obvious i would think. I never said it was solely a western problem. Iwould think The reason i focused on the west would also be obvious given the boiling point that has been reached due to the divisiveness borne out of the ignorant black and white thinking which is prevalent in western society atm.

[@warrenlanham9088]

@@peterkerj7357 no....i stick by the use of the word "all" i believe they "all" would benefit.

[@Mett19]

@@warrenlanham9088 There’s nuances of grey as well. Dark/light. Absolutes that autistic and spectrum people may not understand. If they understand sarcasm they may be OK. Strange it’s so prevalent because mindfulness teaches it as an obvious trick for narcissists

[@exerciseforthereader]

Have you been listening in on my therapy sessions? 😂 Last week we discussed rephrasing black-and-white language as a way to overcome strong self-criticism tendencies. Thanks for discussing this in detail!

[@anewlifestirring]

Excellent advise for a happy and stress free life. I have a friend who has a favourite reply: Oh, yes, definitely so, but not always; in some cases … The middle path is often less exciting and unable to express our anger and frustration which stokes up conflict. This should be our aim if we are seeking a violence free society

[@ElizabethMcAllister]

Often, I find myself in a cycle of not knowing “the facts” about a situation (for example, a friend venting to me about work), as a result I make baseline assumptions around the scenarios given. This experience makes me feel, in part, a sense of urgency to find said “facts” and shut down my intuition or emotional responses. Probably the most problematic black and white thinking pattern for me at this point.

[@yacineyaz5678]

First, I was like : "Wow all the things she's saying are gonna rewire all my brain". Then, as a good gray jedi, I corrected myself : "it's gonna rewire some of it."

[@aenamii]

hi ana! really great video ☺ one word i like to use in my discussions to add nuance to what i'm saying is "however". i feel like using "and" instead of "but" can feel a little awkward at times, so "however" has been really helpful when i want to slow down and really think about how i'm conveying my feelings. i think black and white thinking is a really easy mental trap to fall into and i see it come up all the time in my personal life, including from myself, so it's great to see you discussing it and how to spot it. thank you!

[@2000Ns7]

Ana, i’ve followed you since you posted your first videoes. I like your channel and content very much, and I find your videoes particulary professional. Well done.

[@MusicbyAmado]

Fantastic video Ana. I’m a clinician intern, and even I needed to hear this despite knowing about this common fallacy. Thank you for your amazing explanation, I really feel like I benefited from this. Bless you!

[@flamingaish]

2:55 always/never 4:04 4:34 but/and 5:26 6:02 subjectivity 6:41 7:32 10:30

[@Trapping_ackbar7]

Great video and examples. Even though many practitioners reserve cognitive techniques to anxiety and depression, I think understanding cognitive distortions is important in many ways. 1. it helps us avoid bad thinking, 2. it can improve communication by making us be more precise in our language, 3. it makes us better investigators of the truth since it forces us to take a step back and acknowledge our biases/heuristics that often go unnoticed. I think cognitive distortions and biases should be taught in all high schools. So many give lip service to critical thinking but unless you're mapping out how distortions sneak into our thinking then you're not teaching it at all.

[@geralldus]

Black and white thinking avoids uncertainty and if containment and security were seen as absent in infancy there can only ever be security in certainty. This is a very powerful driver that seems totally beyond the ability of reason to counter.

[@crystalcastillo7575]

This video came at such the right time , I was just discussing my issues with extreme black n white thinking with my therapist the other day and the only thing he told me to do was just be aware of when your doing it. And I’m like... I need MORE tips

[@ana_s.neon.soul.]

For anyone wanting to learn more about splitting and overcoming black and white thinking- “back from the borderline” podcast is AMAZING and Mollie (the host) has an episode all about this too :)

[@sweet2sourr]

Thank you for sharing this. I’m going to find it after this video

[@livewellthy.yourlocalaccre6476]

I'm not sure if it's been mentioned. But us neurodiverse people sometimes think black and white. It's not intentionally, this video was incredibly helpful. Thank you

[@maxroman1143]

Thank you for posting this topic, I’ll try to integrate these mindset shifts and hopefully It will help make me feel better

[@Gusativo]

Very good video. This is something I also realized while working with science, although not to the depth you shared here (my practice of these ideas was still too focused on my subject matter). In the end of the day, it is something that I feel I need to work on constantly, because it really is all about controlling one's own emotions. It is so comfortable to just channel all frustration and anger through hyperboles and other loaded language.

[@arehoneb]

I love this, I've been working so hard to embrace duality

[@buriedtoodeep1508]

Inspirationally rational and balanced, as always, thank you.

[@Grobrotha]

Using the middle ground is a really good thought to think about in the future for me. Thanks!

[@user-ge2hp3qw3j]

I keep thinking back at this video a lot. It has helped me a lot. Thanks!

[@kimnotkardashian]

2 minutes in and i just realized last night i had black and white thinking that since i didnt fall asleep by 1am i shouldnt sleep at all and now im spiraling and identifying so strongly with my bipolar disordwr ie i always stay up and overstimulate myself on my phone or computer and can never fall asleep on time or have a regular sleep schedule

[@abiomer415]

Such a good video. I noticed you have been doing more skits in your videos lately, its so helpful. Thank you Ana :)

[@MrNamenamenamename]

100% great video. The conversation examples really put all the concepts into perspective.

[@fatigueduck]

I needed a video on this. Thanks!

[@Ad-hy9wg]

I was gonna write ‘ you’re saving my life’ but after I watched the video, I am actually going to say: your videos are the best and and very helpful to me thank you(:

[@Arinaretina]

I feel like we as a society are normalising this type of thinking more and more as time goes on. I’ve actually not consciously thought about the hyperbole in my language like this before. There was always something in the back of my head telling me to stop being dramatic or just confused as to why I’m reacting in an intense way. I think nowadays we’re pushed to take sides, for every kind of situation. From the food you like to the clothes you wear to your political opinion. It’s no longer interesting if it’s not divisive. I’m not sure how you’re realistically going to stop when it seems like everybody else around you is also doing this. When you stop being hyperbolic or “dramatic” in taking stances, it feels… less interesting? Maybe because there’s just less drama in being grey. It feels to me if you’re “less interesting” then people will also be less interested in you. I always thought that I was being indecisive and vague when I talk to people about my opinions and I give both sides of it. I’d thought it was a flaw of mine because everybody else seemed to have their own minds made up. So this video really puts things into perspective, thank you so much 💓

[@nateslack1205]

I wish I could like this video twice. I know it doesn’t get as many views but I love the non dating content

[@Andres-og4gx]

3:50 Great interaction hahaha. Please keep up doing videos, they are really helpful!

[@lizzie404]

They examples are great!!!😊

[@TruthAndLoyalty]

I can see the social and psychological value of "grey thinking" in respect to functioning, but I struggle because I don't think reality actually has this non-binary quality. The assumption that the truth is supposedly always a compromise between two opposing positions is a logical fallacy (argument to moderation). You can be incorrect in the extreme, but also correct. I'm very compelled by the idea that there is a single truth, it's often extreme (relative to the norm), and people just don't possess the tools or desire to discover it. However, that doesn't make all positions equally valid with a truth being a mix of those. You can be fundamentally correct or incorrect, to the extent that's possible, by way of process. This is obvious in the world of science, but I don't think it goes away when we make it social. I'm compelled by ethical arguments made by people like singer who essentially says that most people are, in fact, "bad" by reasonable standards and we've simply rationalized it socially. I have a hard time overcoming the dissonance to engage in an approach that softens the edges. It feels dishonest and manipulative to me.

[@bubblysprinkles]

Good perspective.Thank you.

[@kausha7135]

I speak hyperbolically a lot. My rationale is that it's obviously hyperbole but some people have pointed out they can't always tell the difference. I'll try harder to speak more realistically. Thanks for the video!

[@RobertPerez862]

I think now is a good time to talk about this topic. In recent years in politics the Black and White idea had become polarized and amplified with social media and people. I think we're all guilty of it at some point of our lives.

[@Kizarat]

This is such an important subject that you've touched on. Thanks for your insights.

[@lena-trajkovic17]

I have a problem when talking to/having an argument with people who are extremely black and white, because when i say something gray to allow possibility for something they take it as me admitting my side is in the wrong and don’t listen

[@pawartosh]

hey Ana, could you make a video on silencing external thoughts while having a study session?/focusing on some task? Thanks in Advance

[@XanStephP]

This would be so helpful!🙏🏽❤️

[@KrispyMar]

This

[@LeonardoReyes-ob7hv]

I like this one

[@argentine6445]

I found the skit very helpful. I thought it tied the video together nicely at the end.

[@rahinv]

Thank you for this amazing video, really opened up my mind to new perspectives

[@rafaelalas7679]

Hey, I appreciate your content. This here is a reminder. ☀️Please remember to exhale. ☀️Please remember drinking water can assist maintaining healthy weight goals.

[@valentinatapascoigua304]

omg this is something i’ve always suffered with. thank you for this video

[@briannas.lasvegas]

Great video, Ana. Thank you.

[@Po-sz3zj]

Not all bigots are conservatives but all conservatives are bigots. Sometimes things really are that black and white.

[@cynthiasmith2334]

I haven't even watched the video yet, but I just want to say I love the thumbnail!

[@zentzu4003]

i have this, it drives me to question everything until i'm quoting rene descartes, at which point i give up and fall into a pit of depression

[@MsLeeleepilee]

This video was very helpful for me, thank you!

[@shatzoren1]

Great video, but 3:50 quote of study of friends with ex and psychopathy is a bit misleading, the conclusion was that antagonism and extraversion correlate better with specific motives for staying friends with ex, namely pragmatism and sex, more than other motives such as reliability or sentiment - which I believe are those relevant in most cases. This is in line with the concept of psychopaths using other people rather than forming real intimacy and emotional bond with them.

[@pri6096]

There are so many factors involved in a situation and the fact that different people consider different factors as important which means that nothing is actually black and white. It’s all based on our perspectives Just thinking out loud here

[@stephanieb5116]

i gained a lot from this video, thank you

[@tacrewgirl]

This was very helpful. Thanks!

[@jadecontreras24]

Thank you Anna.

[@ID_Kevin]

Love the skit!

[@carlosoliver1887]

I was just drunk yesterday and thinking on investing on royalties and woke up feeling like a nobody lol, and came across this video

[@saaimbehzad6557]

i love this video

[@Ttangko_]

only thing i wish for videos longer than 10 minutes: chapters with time stamps

[@sweet2sourr]

Great video

[@Patriotgirl1130]

U r really so great! I need to work on this ❤

[@DANTHEMAN__]

Thank you Ana

[@thejillykilly]

Loved the example skit.

[@alohaalia1091]

I’m currently an intern and my anxiety has PEAKED. Every day I’m just like… I’m gonna get fired, I suck, I can’t to what they expect of me, can they even fire me? Where should I look next? Am I gonna have to do this whole year? And all because of a video of 45 seconds long or something.

[@tymoteuszkosinski5352]

This is something I've been really bad at throughout my life. I hope that the next time I go full black-and-white I remember this video and act reasonable

[@2022l]

Me too

[@growing.flowers]

15:23 what a relevant skit

[@checkitoutlove]

Good info thanks

[@akhilchauhan9417]

Only a Sith deals in absolute.

[@LA-pj5so]

very helpful! cheers

[@_Trakman]

eating disorders binging/purging [body perfectionism] Autism - logical thinking (true or false)

[@AnaPsychology]

Damn, can't believe I forgot to mention EDs! Great points

[@medinarepuh7695]

thank you, this video was really helpful! :)

[@Juli-bm7yl]

Hey Ana, this is a really good video and I enjoyed it. I would also like to ask, is black-and-white thinking still good for complimenting others? I really like telling people I love that they’re the best cause I like making them feel appreciated, or would a more nuanced approach be more favourable there? Thanks :)

[@dbtta]

off topic but your winged eyeliner from 2 years ago>>>

[@peteryu9866]

I heard it's more common in Chinese to use 'and' instead of 'but' hence the perception that they just go with the flow..

[@Mett19]

But is negative

[@iNsOmNiAcAnDrEw]

Yeah that is an interesting point that the word but tends to have a very negative connotation.

[@ruch123321]

But this kind of thinking can also encourage indecision

[@oliverrojas3185]

Thanks

[@lonneke9158]

Thanks for this amazing informative and respectful video! Although (*And!!!) I wished you would’ve included ASD in examples of black & white thinking and not only mental illnesses, personality disorders or trauma.

[@TempyTeacup]

I struggle to agree with you on the topic of the word “but”. I have a background in linguistics (bachelors only) and the word “but” is a semantic connector indicating that an expectation set by the first clause of a statement will be contradicted following the “but”. The word “and” suggests that the second clause will support the semantic expectation set by the first clause. When you say “the applicant really knew his stuff”, you are setting up the expectation that you are fully in favor of hiring the applicant. By connecting “he was socially awkward” with the word “and”, you suggest that social awkwardness is a further point in the applicant’s favor. To me, the word “but” indicates that though the applicant is knowledgeable, he has room to improve in another area. This captures the nuance of how you have perceived him. Framing everything in a positive light feels disingenuous to me, and I think it could be a cause of confusion.

[@EduardoGarcia-ww8su]

Apparently, all my favorite mental health youtubers know what I'm going through right now. Ha ha

[@KrispyMar]

Thank you the older I get the more I realize how important language really is.

[@shannonalce]

If you have bpd and are being treated should you not be a parent

[@frauduser2673]

Holy Shit; The queen is back and now she is more prettier!!

[@anamqureshi8349]

Hey. Your cat responded to you😮

[@rokosbasilisk5376]

Damn I'm all in for this grey area stuff!

[@Requinix17]

You just refuted the entire internet.

[@複Kazuya]

Can I know your nickname?

[@aliveslice]

11:00

[@iNsOmNiAcAnDrEw]

I'm assuming this video is about exaggeration. Black and White Thinking is an odd way to describe it.

[@kisttoe]

I lost my bsf today. I crushed on her and obviously she doesnt. I miss her. Idk wat to do, she is the only friend i had.

[@kisttoe]

@@peterkerj7357 who😏 no but srly yeah i just needed a place to dump this and yeah what better place than a youtube comment section where i thought it would get lost

[@talkingtochapri]

I haven't met many conservatives who shared my values 😂

[@5m4llP0X]

Ana, would you be willing to accept a vocabulary change? Instead of 'hurt' use 'harm'? There are people who enjoy being 'hurt' for fun -- emotionally, mentally and physically -- but harm implies malicious intent, and/or abuse.

[@charlie-jd3ls]

3:50 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 PLEASE

[@echillykahlil]

What is histrionic personality disorder?

[@echillykahlil]

Our perspective that we shouldn't physically hurt people or purposefully cause emotional pain is actually relatively modern too. Historically, a lot of people seemed to feel that both of those things were not only justified, but necessary in many scenarios. I'm not saying to change your opinion or anything, I think right and wrong are kind of subjective and our views vs our past generation's views have a lot of opposition in what was and is good, and that just makes me ponder. Perhaps just to feel as if I can justify my own bad behavior, perhaps because I feel the weight of judgement is a really heavy burden, and when you squeeze, most people are more like a water balloon and end up acting out. I dunno. Honestly the world doesn't make a lot of sense, despite how clear and obvious it seems to be.

[@marcoinvesting5339]

So the final advice is to be like the British 😂 I am joking ofc...

[@wawis231]

I understand not talking in definitives to honor the grey area, though talking in definitives is often necessary, like in most fields regarded as quantitative. I say this from a software engineer perspective. It's a logic game for me, the grey area exists but not in every mathematical problem and i feel like that can also translate to our lives. Like yes, it's possible for pigs to fly, but that's not even up for consideration as they do not fly. It's possible for them to be exposed to some environmental factors that led them to develop wings over time but to some degree, we have to cling on to the concrete experiences we have and share. For me, the grey area opens a box of unknown at times when it shouldn't

[@AnaPsychology]

Of course! Dialectics are primarily about human interaction, not things like physical laws.

[@wawis231]

@@AnaPsychology gotcha, i believe it is also applicable to dialect as it can be just as concrete as "physical laws" maths, whatever we think is "quantifiable" but even those subjects can be argued to be assigned as definitive by us, humans, bc well, what is science but our social perception of how things should be categorized and what not

[@hakanergun2716]

I love you

[@GuidetteExpert]

I see this often on the news media or social media where it speaks in black and white about people. Very dehumanizing and bad for consumers.

[@paulrhyne4]

❤️

[@Viral_Catalyst]

Would you identify yourself as an HSP?

[@TorresmoTV]

🤍🤍🌸

[@RollYOUrD1ce]

But many people with autism are inherently susceptible to this. Wouldn't this be discriminatory, and blaming people for things they do not control?

[@apple1231230]

Congrats on leaving the tribes of the political sphere. It would surprise me if a therapist could be both strongly politically inclined either way and also neutral in assessments. Also like half the people who identify as democrats #1 reason (whether or not they admit it) is being in the “in“ group and making it known they’re “not one of them”. Idk about conservatives because besides my family I don’t have any people I know who are, but idc about them lol, that’s a similar and different mess