How To Respond To A Narcissist's Irrational Anger

When narcissists become angry, it is virtually impossible to reason with them. Dr. Les Carter explains that narcissism itself is built upon an irrational foundation so it is logical that they will have irrational emotions. He breaks down what you need to understand about their anger, then focuses on staying steady as you decide how to respond.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@meow2u22]

A narcissist's idea of right and wrong amounts to "Right is what I want and wrong is when someone denies it to me."

[@mysonsmom9754]

This is an underrated comment! This should be on tshirts, coffee cups, and bumper stickers. So absolutely on target! 🎯

[@realhealing7802]

Exactly! It's an endless cycle of craziness.

[@naowright9308]

​@My Son's Mom And on the back of said t-shirt should be, "Even when my wants change without me telling you, I still expect you to fulfill."

[@paulinamartinez3234]

Exactly 💯

[@stacymurphy7407]

Thank you for this pearl of wisdom. Watershed moment for me reading it just now.

[@ghost900AD]

Narcissists want you to give up everything to be their NOTHING.

[@KatWoodland]

Bingo

[@pagen5219]

yes

[@momsspaghetti3095]

Boom! There it is! 100%

[@cristenhartman5185]

Very well put.

[@shifrafreewoman174]

Wow. That is the truth,!!!

[@lacecurtainirish]

“Irrational anger” is a polite way to say it. My sister’s anger was more on par with a toddler’s temper tantrum. The pivotal moment for me was when I learned to calmly respond rather than react to those tantrums. She seemed shocked that I was no longer manipulated by her angry fits and almost frightened that I suddenly saw her for who she was. At that point, she started to double down on her smear campaign and called her flying monkeys into action. Didn’t really matter at that point though. I was done. I’m going on my third year of no contact. Hasn’t been easy but it sure has been peaceful.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make so much sense!

[@maryoleary5044]

SO TRUE! THAT IS EXACTLY HOW THEY BEHAVE! TRULY AWFUL PERSON 🤬😡😤

[@lindabell2940]

In Texas, tbunnyshy, linda is in the building, i freeze also, i lost myself , my Doctor says, 0 that is how normal folks respond, not me, you add drugs to your mind, like i do, and yea buddy its tripping time , i wished i was normal, my narcissist has a indulgence a grown old woman, my mercy, a man is mostly considered a nasty sex machine, sex is my drug , in my drug life, yes linda put down the drugs, you got family to think about, my Doctor truth is a killer ,lets get back to my freezer brain, my irrational anger, finally flip on me , man it hurts, to hurt a troubled what a outer space human, a troubled person, yea i seen normal, i got so used to being a loving flying monkey, dont speak out linda, the narcissist knows what they or doing, im surviveing narcissist abuse, hec i was even asked about sex, from my own , ,Lord help me, all i want is my narcissist back in my heart, but im what facing confusion, yes folks, please forgive me , i know what normal looks like, and it is not being , like 0 the Bible says , the devils job is to destroy the family, cause the family is off base , please let me and my narcissist, have or hearts right, irrational anger , yea this is not normal, you hurt, dont bring the narcissist down , just because of your whole life , was doing your best, im a looser, so what hey linda, dont drag your heart to hell, its just a troubled world sometimes, with folks, im glad , im just one person, the folks with other ordeals or hurting also, our Doctor can bring you back to normal , im glad i didn't turn on my mom or dad, we had a little disfunction, but that control angel is rough and tough , look back linda, your mom and dad had flaws ,faults, but they was not that bent, our traits dont match up ,thank ya comments , my Doctor cares very much, for all of us, of course he dont like un normal , but he cares for his fellow neighbors , me linda, and tbunnyshy thank ya , go team healthy linda get off your dum trip

[@denisem4575]

I hear ya! Your story is similar to mine. My “lightbulb “ moment was 7 years ago. She flew off the handle while driving & started ranting at me due to her being inconvenienced by a traffic jam. She was texting while driving & I asked her politely if I could txt her husband for her since I felt it was unsafe for her to be doing so. That’s all it took, how dare I question her being an unsafe driver. I bit my tongue the whole way to her house (an hour of hell). I reacted calmly & pulled out the “we’re sisters” card & when she’s calm we can talk about what her problem is with me. Gave her a hug (right in front of her husband) and didn’t give her the “my sister is crazy” card that she most certainly would’ve used when recounting the story to her husband. I grey rocked her for 6 yrs. She would only txt me and I would respond with respect & simple answers only. She had the opportunity to mend fences 8 months ago, ball was in her court. Didn’t do it & I knew she wouldn’t deep inside. That’s when I went from grey rocking to no contact & it’s been such a feeling of freedom. The only regret I have is not doing so sooner. The dysfunction in my family has only effected my children & marriage in the most negative way because I would make excuses for her & my mother. My father & brother were enablers.

[@blinkth3dog]

After I stopped reacting, and calmley stated my positin and truths she stopped talking to me, despite raising my sisters child. has spoke to me once in 4 years since i stopped enabling her

[@faegrrrl]

There's no anger. There's terrifying rage.

[@teresadias8370]

My narc will talk for hours and not allow me to talk. It's fascinating. If I try to say something I'm being manipulative. Does anyone have this going on. His tantrums are mind boggling. At first I found it distressing, now it's comical. I'm on my way out. To all of you experiencing this, run. Don't let anyone take your beautiful light.

[@suzannewebb7913]

My narc is a co worker he said that I make him cross at times so I said why 🤣 no answer

[@ronniebennet9413]

my mom can talk for 2 straight hours but get bored if I talk for 5 minutes. thank god im an adult and dont have to keep putting up with it anymore.

[@LarryA-w4j]

I know what you mean they don't know when to be quiet I call them motor mouth they don't listen to anything you say it's their way or the highway I chose to take the highway it's a no win with them I be watching TV and they shut it down just because they want me to hear what they are saying sign Cynthia Smith save your self get away from them as soon as possible I been listening to this man video for a long time I have learned so much

[@mactine2k7]

Yes.

[@smille12]

Then they get angry when you don't respond right away then yell at you for interrupting them to answer, wow

[@sharonjones5173]

Baiting you into an argument and manipulating you when you stand up for yourself and then playing the victim is how they operate-and then giving you the silent treatment when YOU don’t apologize.

[@shairaptor1865]

I wonder WHY they do this... did they all go to the same Narc School? THey act like soulless robots. It's scary. I don't get it why they all react the very same way!

[@marshill3101]

Also, using your response or reaction against you..AKA "reaction abuse".

[@kathyayininarayana9783]

Going through a silent treatment right now. My words were twisted and given new meaning to make it sound like I am the abuser. It was really like he needed a reason to sulk and just started a tantrum to put the blame on me for his bad mood.

[@marshill3101]

@@kathyayininarayana9783 Go gray rock and bland on him, and give him a taste of his own medicine and outsilence his silence. To quote H.G. Tudor, another KZbinr who does commentary on narcissists.."Silence wounds the narcissist, and lets him know he is insignificant, unimportant, and does not matter." Your indifference is a narcissist's kryptonite.

[@2luckystars]

🎯🎯🎯

[@ericb8413]

I was raised by a rager father. Never knew when he was going to become violent. It set me up to be terrified of people’s anger. I became a people pleaser and a narc magnet. I’m just now learning how to cope when I see anger in someone. I’m in my 60s. It’s never too late. I’ve also gotten all narcissists out of my life. Finally have peace. 🎉

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's never too late. A guy like your father is pitiable. Dangerous, but a tragedy.

[@elainelawrence7090]

My malignant covert narcissistic mother and rageaholic father had me convinced that I deserved their rage and abuse if I displeased them because I had no value. I'm in my earlier 70's, just went through a divorce from another covert narcisstic husband and have finally discovered the TRUTH about my worth and how I do not deserve to be abused nor discounted in ANY relationship. You are right - it is NEVER too late . God has used all of Dr. Carter's videos, knowledge, and compassion to launch me into liberating freedom in these latter years. It is exhilarating!

[@FriskyTendervittles]

@@SurvivingNarcissism can the opposite happen? My ex had a very violent dad and he can get angry but he insists I’m making him get mad. I’m also not allowed to be angry

[@prant8998]

My Dad was like that. Always a volcano, about to explode. I’m always a people pleaser, and the narc’s fall over themselves to get to me. Ultimately, they take advantage, I’m beaten down, and the relationship ends because of the obvious imbalance of giving and taking.

[@Vicki1951]

@@elainelawrence7090 I’m in my earlier 70’s too. Experienced the exact same parenting except I was adopted and was constantly reminded and I’m a survivor of frequent incest. I’ve forgiven as best I could and try to remember the good times and good qualities that I was taught. However, I still have scars. Married 2 narcissist husbands but now single for 3 years. Finances are depleted but I am healing and learning. These people go way past dangerous. They’re must be an evil component to them because I can’t understand it otherwise. Why would anyone set out to make other people hurt that much? Because it does hurt and that’s the problem. And we’re left to do the healing and very often alone with counselors. Most likely they’ve sent out the flying monkeys who’ve followed their command so friends and family are gone too. I was just blindsided by one last night by a friend. I just thought I was dealing with a drama queen and offered a correction. Bad mistake on my part and incorrect evaluation of personality. Wicked responses. And flying monkeys are already flying. I’ll learn eventually and in the meantime I will wish you well and everyone who is following this channel. He offers much knowledge. 😊❤️

[@chaotic.content]

narcissists think they're the only people who get to be angry and that the things they're angry about are the only things worth being angry about. if you're mad at them, they're the victim.

[@Mehmet-rw9bu]

I'm afraid narcissists or emotinal abusers in general are always angry and irrational. Not showing interest in you as a person at all but demanding your attention all the time is a kind of anger. Criticizing you all the time is a kind of anger. Twisting facts and manipulation is a kind of anger. Gaslighting is a kind of anger. And doing all these things is irrational. Knoweledge is the best weapon against these creatures and therefore I'm looking forward to learning more 👌

[@mrsmiley707]

hell yea. mocking and taunting and teasing and poking and prodding to get a rise out of you too

[@NopeNotTodaySatan]

Yes, yes, yes to all of this!!!

[@hurlentropy6866]

I have a manager who told us there are no dumb questions when I started working at my current job. Yet, he'd get angry at questions he thinks are dumb. He barks at us for being late occasionally yet it's OK if he's consistently late. There was one point in time where he didn't respond to texts or phone calls for atleast 2 weeks. I recall passing him off because I disagreed with him about something. He'll consistently be irritated if you spend more than a minute of his time. He'll tell us how we should think and what is logical in his mind. He complains about his wife being the artsy type. He says his wife is irrational and that he is the logical one..He's mentioned being jealous about others in the past. It always seems like a ticking time bomb in his presence. The best route is to avoid contact because this pattern recurs. Oh yeah, he'll constantly say he'll do something to help me out but rarely if ever follows through. Might as well not say it if you're not going to do it. I don't hate or really dislike him but he does make life more complicated. Therefore, I try to avoid his presence

[@hchayes9431]

They are like the dog that has to pee on the floor in front of guests.

[@cazjay017]

Totally.

[@portiamaema8157]

They are either angry or in the verge of becoming angry. I think that's the "egg shell" phenomenon I've heard you talk about on here. You just learn to tip toe around them. The hefty price for peace.

[@heyoldman2003]

i call it living in a mine field. you never know what your next step will bring 😔

[@colleenshea2293]

The covert narc is the worst

[@HzFvr]

​@@heyoldman2003👍 That's EXACTLY how I've described my life as growing up! So sad so many of us endured abuse. Best wishes for all of us going forward. 🌹

[@johnburns2632]

One narcissist I knew seemed to arrogant to become angry. Also couldn't have care less if others approved how she / he conducted himself. Just being the cold & overly critical & very unhelpful boss was the objective & being angry about seemed unnecessary (from what I could gather - on a daily basis)

[@dragons02018]

This has become my sister's main state of being around me. I've decided to just act normally when there's other people around (but am learning to emotionally detach from worrying about her behavour) and if she wants to sulk then she can go ahead and act like that, but I dread there being any 1-1 time with her. I'm also trying to protect my autistic partner from her as she gets incredibly anxious anytime I or we both have to see her. I'm learning to not let the behaviour get to me like it used to, but at our last family dinner, my partner (who has already made boundaries that she can't see her that often because it's such an ordeal) made an innocent light hearted comment, highlighting a nervous habit my sister was doing, and she just snapped claiming my partner was judging her, and it made the whole table go quiet. Everyone was too shocked to say anything, and I think afraid it would escalate, and I'm disappointed at myself for not standing up for my partner, who just went quiet, and didn't say anything else to keep the peace. it's like my sister's accepted she'd rather expend more energy being hostile all the time, because I'm suddenly refusing to commit to spending large amounts of time with someone who treats me terribly.

[@nancytwigg4631]

Don't give them what they want. Don't take their bait. Respect yourself and your values; stay above the fray. Anger will mangle your true self. Move toward dignity, respect, and civility, even if serving only your party of one. Make peace your premium priority!

[@estrellagomes401WAVY]

🎯

[@stephencollins9062]

Awesome thank you:) 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿😂

[@iahelcathartesaura3887]

Beautifully well said! Thank you!

[@Denise-y2c]

THANK YOU. GOD BLESS YOU.

[@stacyrosa6672]

The narc in my life talks incessantly about himself and how amazing people think he is, when in reality, most people find him rude and obnoxious. He will include every minute detail in stories, to the point where most people lose interest before he ever gets to the point. But whenever I try to share my thoughts, or what my day was like, he literally tells me "I don't need to know..." cutting me off mid-sentence. I haven't finished a sentence in years! His rage is

[@kazzcopes8468]

Dealing with a narcissist is like dealing with a crazy person you can’t reason with them.

[@cacatr4495]

"like?" or *is?

[@carolynmiller5999]

They are bat shit crazy!

[@bondjane007]

But they are crazy! What is it like dealing with a narcissist? You are dealing with a crazy person! You can never win with them. I usually have to walk away. They love to argue and disagree because they love to agitate others. They're very happy when you get too angry and upset that means they have control and they have won! I have a few narcissist in my life. I guess because I'm a super empath I attract them. Thank goodness, I've never been romantically involved with a narcissist to my knowledge. Most of the narcissist I know are just sometime acquaintances I am in touch with now and then. So they don't have a lot of power over my life except my landlord. He's a grandiose narcissist! Loves gaslighting me and have flying monkeys telling the neighbors lies about me so that I'm ostracized and nobody will talk to me. If I could move I would then I wouldn't have to deal with him but, I think a lot of landlords are narcissistic. A neighbor told me her landlord is also a narcissist. There seems to be more and more narcissist out there or maybe I'm just more aware of them then I used to be. I now know what they're like and I now know what to look for in to look out for. I can avoid most of them but there are few that are in my life part-time sometimes and it's okay because they don't have a big impact on my life on a regular basis. I dodged that bullet sort of.

[@afakkobyab5982]

3 years ago, thanks to this channel, I started to identify narcissists in my life. Intimate relations, then work. Now I am living without all the stress these individuals dumping onto my life. You saved lots of people like me Dr. Carter. A very sincere and warm thank you from bottom of my heart. Love to Gus as well. :D

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased!!

[@mthomas3547]

That was so nicely said and understood. Once you get help, you see what you want in your life and, more importantly, what you don't. Best wishes to you!

[@henrykujawa4427]

It's TRUE! The longer I watch, the more people in my past I suddenly recognize for EXACTLY what they were. But even better, consistently following this channel is genuinely helping me at work RIGHT NOW. I got a headcold 7 days ago, and yet this week at work was one of the BEST I've had in months, despite that! About 30 years ago, I heard a phrase that also means a lot right now: "It's not what happens, it's how you handle it."

[@lindavincent678]

What are the Flying Monkeys thinking )

[@psychoholiday-ju1cp]

At the risk of calling everyone a narcissist, I'm glad you had to admit that you had to do this too. The good things I used to get from those people were just not worth the sacrifice of the occasional round of humiliation done out of nowhere from them for causing some PERCIEVED narcissistic injury to them. (Which also meant not going along with the occasional doormat script that they would try to sneak onto me.) They can all SCREAM IT from the mountaintops all they want that I'm SUPPOSEDLY the common denominator that deserves their mistreatment. (But they don't have me to sporadically kick around anymore!)

[@robertcuthill8484]

"You're not allowed to have a voice" Bingo!!

[@grandmaslifeandstories]

11:44 “Their goal is to make you feel weak and defeated.”

[@lindsayschilling8707]

So very true!

[@MyFungal]

It's all about control in everything

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Ok. (Walks away.) Edited to clarify… How does one respond to a narcissist’s irrational anger? By saying “ok” (with no real need to agree or disagree but to simply move on) and then walk away. It works. They might become more angry. But their anger is not your responsibility- nor is it your problem. Move on and be narcissist free.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it, Kelly!!

[@aaronkwolfe]

I affirm the spectrum of responses. But personally, I learned that “Ok” was still agreement. I had already seen that even an ambiguous agreement would fuel an argument and give supply. Using “Oh” and “Huh” (not in a questioning way, but more dismissive) worked better for me. I also learned that silence in response to an untrue allegation appeared to be tacit agreement. That is when I’d disagree with “No” or “not really” and add a shrug to indicate that it wasn’t a hill I’d be willing to die on. I learned to disagree in a way that wasn’t disagreeable. It tended to work for me. And that is all I was hoping for. This was my trial and error survival mode, years before I learned about narcissism and joined Team Healthy. Still learning better ways.

[@heyoldman2003]

i use “ i understand “ it seems very neutral

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@aaronkwolfe yup 100% agree with you, Aaron! I probably should have also clarified that the “ok” and walk away stage comes loooong after learning as much as possible about both narcissism AND one’s self. Sadly, there is another “ok” stage where numbness and exhaustion actually drives the narcissist’s target because they (the target… speaking from experience) finally gets to a point where they just want peace at any cost and they know if they express themselves in any way possible they’re going to get shut down, dismiss, disregarded, overruled, shunned, ignored or worse (as tho things can get much worse.) So the target just says “ok” to keep the peace and slowly disappears both mentally and emotionally. The narcissist i deal with LOVED this stage of the “ok.” The more I agreed to his ridiculousness, the happier he became… and the more demanding, controlling, and disrespectful he became. The chaos got so much worse I was a complete basket case… not suicidal but definitely ok with dying if it happened at any given moment. The kids were crying all the time (unbeknownst to the narcissist.) It was awful. So you’re right, Aaron… “ok” has to be said at the right stage… and that stage is when the walk away is an actual walking away and not going back. (edited for typos)

[@roxannetaitano1490]

@@aaronkwolfe Thank you Aaron for sharing this... the distinction is very clear because the Narcissist will in fact use our responses and twist the intent to benefit themselves. I really like the "Oh" and the "Huh" and maybe even the "Ah". As we well know that Dr. C brought to our attention that one word is a full sentence. Yes, and our ability to exercise self control when confronted with these individuals really takes observation and listening. It is easy to respond verbally, but as we know it is important to think before we speak because these ones are observant to our facial expressions and body language as well. The best thing we can do is use our "tools", this knowledge we are receiving and put these into practice. All the best to you!

[@joannemaxwell2111]

I have found myself having Reactive Anger to the abuse and defamation and destruction of everything I own and love. Plus I'm bone tired, soul tired. An indescribable exhaustion.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Remember, you are not alone. It isn't much but try to find some solace in that as you work through the anger. It is all very tiring.

[@denicehaley9902]

Me, too. Working towards being a person of peace.

[@miss_whipps]

I am right there with you Joanne... Reactively angry, empty, and completely, utterly, exhausted. Sending you compassion, understanding, and strength❤!

[@cindipierce1478]

We have to really work on not having reactive anger....they throw out the bait constantly to cause an uproar..they love to stir the pot!

[@franceshaggitt3104]

hear you, im five weeks out, days are ok, then days are hardd and think of him and regret meeting him and etc tec , tiring, mentally, i just want to erase

[@mioara8169]

Narcissists conscience is underdeveloped .... Excellent said 👌🏻

[@monaj33]

They live unconsciously 😊

[@tinyvr7036]

They play roles they have starred in previously and working on their next Oscar. 🎥 Either way, you are their prop not even an extra. 😮 Sorry but that's how I see it because of their stupid drama. It is all about themselves only. Don't play along. It can be dangerous. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone❤.

[@victoriapierson2407]

After listening to my narcissistic family member shout threats and false accusations at me for over an hour, it occurred to me how ridiculous her accusations were, I started to laugh uncontrollably, I couldn’t help it. Oh boy, she really blew up! I laughed and said goodbye and hung up the phone. I disconnected her from any contact with me and have loved her from afar for about 10 years or so. Life is good.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That made me smile.

[@beaglerescue5281]

I am laughing with you. That’s the best response to the insanity.

[@samscarletta7433]

Absolutely LOVE this.

[@girlintherain1]

" they think they are unique in a superior way" & " you're a nuisance, a nobody to them, you're not allowed to have a voice" never a truer word Dr. Carter. Thank you so much for making those of us who are trying to deal with Narcissists clarity. We are all so grateful to you x

[@mariaridler1831]

Yes indeed!

[@Anne-pk8gs]

I once told my narc to grow the eff up & I thought he might pass out. This was before I knew what narcissism was. Funny, I always thought it was about physical appearance. Ha, 20 years in I finally discovered the reason I’ve been living in hell & it also explains the lifetime of misery dealing with a narc mother. Dear God, help us, these people are everywhere 🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep learning, Anne!

[@taraarrington2285]

Good for you. Yes we usually are attracted to partners who have the same characteristics of our narcissistic parents. I think my mom is probably more borderline so I think I've attracted some borderline males.

[@sausage6984]

​@@taraarrington2285One gut feeling ... slight raise of the red flag and that's me done with anyone.

[@beaglerescue5281]

It’s true-they’re everywhere.

[@lynnharrell9598]

I still remember the day I first discovered that this situation I was living with had a name. Still trying to figure out how to live with it.

[@pugnasilvia943]

"Do not try to shame them"... This is it!!! Thanks for opening our eyes! "Their goal is to make you feel weak and defeated" 100% true.

[@truthseeker_phoenix]

So basically don’t lose your shit. I tried to argue, I got crazy, I tried to convince, to get her to see my side. ALL POINTLESS. They don’t want to listen. You you got to do is stay cool as a cucumber and deflect all the anger. Don’t feed it, stay calm. You’ll just hurt yourself as you will never win.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That summarizes it!

[@arenee118]

When I set boundaries on my narcissistic sister, she went around telling people I was abusing her and trying to control her. Boy, narcissists definitely love controlling everyone else, but fear being controlled.

[@jeanetteshawredden5643]

A Renee: and VERY sadly for us, they put on such a good show that they fool attorneys, police, courts (juries & judges) who are ignorant of narcissists M.O. The true villain is believed to be the "victim" - while YOU are perceived as the crazy angry unstable one. They are Master manipulators- academy award winning actors/actresses. That is why they are so evil.

[@calgreg2569]

And they are expert at creating such extreme drama at your expense.

[@marshill3101]

And, like how she did, they love twisting the narrative and saying the thing that they did, is the thing that you did. They twist, because they're twisted.

[@peachesmcgee4795]

I'm in the process if doing the same. My n sister isn't loving the boundaries at all!

[@amarbyrd2520]

@@calgreg2569 They will literally risk YOUR life. It's kind of not to be played with, but as much as you can think it out ahead of time, it seems pragmatic to try to do that ♥

[@Greenwings701]

They won't "understand" because they're the ones creating the lies. But they do spread them with abandon. And it's a stunning denial of their own life, transferred to you. You do need to be aware of what they're doing, at your own peril to ignore. There is NOTHING they can't twist.

[@annewrites...8385]

"Their goal is to make you feel weak and defeated." You give me strength with this information. Thank you. Hugs to Gus xxx

[@amandainsa1048]

My former boss had raging fits on a regular basis. A few times a week, she would enter our office, close the door and throw a huge fit! When we were working from home during the pandemic, she would either send harsh, angry emails or she would call us and start yelling. What really disgusted me is how she would brag about it later, saying she "put someone in their place." She also loved to show off her angry emails to people, which burned many bridges that we had all worked hard to build. It was a very hostile, tense, unhappy workplace! As a result, there has been a revolving door of employees. I've never met the people who have replaced me and then quit, but I wish them well. They all went through hell, no doubt! I love my new job!! However, whenever one of my supervisors contacts me, I feel so anxious and stressed out, I actually feel physically ill. Then I find out they just wanted to touch base and have a friendly chat. I always feel silly afterwards. Even though I'm in a much better work environment, I think I'll be dealing with these "after shocks" for a while.

[@carolentringer8836]

Ptsd

[@jeanetteshawredden5643]

PTSD responses from prior abuse.

[@perfectpeace123]

Post Traumatic Stress

[@tbunnyshy1]

I “FREEZE” when they are angry or rage. Its scary and deeply disturbing. I am looking forward to this video!

[@Uberqueenbee]

Yes! Paralyzing!

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Lol I was taught karate as a child 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂thank you dad to into whip ass mode u put ur hands on me

[@Barb-iu3el]

Me TOO!

[@yobrojoost9497]

If it's just verbal, you need to calmly disengage. If it's physical and you can't defend yourself, run!

[@Uberqueenbee]

The icing on the cake is when they have some power or authority and even if you have recorded evidence comma'am they can crush you with lawyers should you need to involve the police.

[@gypsyfaded5907]

The narcissist I deal with is a rage-a-holic. It's amazing, the lengths these folks go to paint their lives as idyllic Edens. Happy people don't behave as they do. Great advice for coping!!

[@taraarrington2285]

happy people Don't try to oppress others or put them down or block them from happiness and opportunities.

[@angellollar1083]

Took me 40 plus years to learn to stay in my own lane. Seemed I was always trying to get him to understand. Thank you for helping and serving humanity, Dr. C.

[@aflack1000]

Still working on staying in my own lane after the same 40+ years. Sometimes I still "erupt" which is pointless.

[@paulinefoster1126]

If you don’t react he is getting away with being awful to me

[@-cMc-]

"1st things the irrational approach to anger....stay inside your lane. You are standing in your legitimate understanding of things. You do not need to convince them of anything. Make sure your own management of anger is checked. Stand up for yourself in a way that is calm with respect that doesn't intend harm. Use less logic bc a narcissist is not logical never try to shame. Bc they have learned how to block shame a long time ago. Expect and brace for their on going anger. Their goal is to make you weak and defeated. Remind yourself that you can manage your anger as a solo act."

[@AdairCty]

The ex (a true narc) started his final rage one evening over a missing roll of toilet paper in his bathroom. It continued into the next day…slamming doors, yelling, profanity, etc. I realized then how mentally sick he was. I’ve studied so much about these creatures in the last several years since I have been free of this person. I pray to God that I can detect any narcissist that may wander into my path again….and run before I become emotionally entangled. Thanks Dr. Carter for this video!

[@amandakanofski8408]

I used to have a Neighbour across the road when I was a teenager, who used to have Barney’s with her Partner about 2 Peaches. It lasted 2 weeks until my Sister got really sick of it & told her to go stick it up her bum sideways. In that time they would Barney all night to midnight & get woken up at 4:30am & start again. It was funny as. She deserved her Karma. The whole Neighbourhood was Cheering…🤣😝🍑💩🍾🥂🥂

[@laulio7823]

I love how you refer to them as “CREATURES” LMAO 😅👍

[@AdairCty]

@@laulio7823 👍 Anyone who can berate, yell at and literally terrorize someone who has done nothing but love them and treat them “right” isn’t human in my book. They are the next thing, if not actually, a monster!

[@laulio7823]

@@AdairCty I hope you realize I’m agreeing with you & Not mocking you in anyway whatsoever! I’ve made use of the word “creature”myself in reference.

[@AdairCty]

@@laulio7823 Oh no…we are in total agreement about these broken people!

[@hollyleanne811]

When I started to respond with quiet calm to my narc ex husband, he was unsettled. He didn't like it. He'd rage about that little baby quiet voice 😂. But I felt so much more in control than when I was drawn into his petty arguments. I still deal with him like this to this day

[@beaglerescue5281]

Excellent

[@TheDreamhouse2010]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 “little baby quiet voice.” Amazing. It’s so crazy making. No matter what we do it angers them! Smh.

[@patriciaanzelc5386]

My biggest mistake is wanting them to understand me, so I get frustrated and then angry when they don’t. Thank you for helping me understand why I go down this road. ❤️

[@SendItForward]

Me too, I finally quit trying and when he would act soooo irritated towards me because I didn't do or say something the way HE wanted I'd just shrug and say "I don't have these problems w other ppl" and would leave it there and keep doing WHATEVER!!! I used a lot of nope and yep and grey rock cuz he just wasn't WORTH it to me ANYMORE. I also bought some Bluetooth headphones and used them a lot.

[@-cMc-]

They truly think they are unique in a very superior way

[@joydavis1670]

Omg... Agreed... They are definitely under developed in their thinking. It is so hard to deal with an adult acting like a 3 yr old & pitching a royal fit

[@dianaw451]

Thank you. In the middle of a divorce after 30 years of marriage. One gets used to the narcissistic behavior n you do t realize it’s narcissism. Thank you for all the info.

[@roxymovie3938]

To irrational anger your body might sometimes react by freezing because your whole body tells you that you are in danger - the predator will smell your fear, the Narcissist will probably think, "Look, you are beneath me!" Or you will react by fighting back, engaging into the bait, loosing your temper by uncontrolling giving your own power away - the Narcissist will think, "Yeah, this is how I like it! Give me more!" Or you might have the tendency to flight by just walking away. This the Narcissist does not like at all. He might even get more angry, because he get's an injury, "I am not significant! I got abandoned!" but you will get your inner peace.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it, Roxy!

[@roxymovie3938]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for your rational response, Dr Carter 😉 I am looking forward for your explanations on this topic 🌞

[@windysmith7367]

When I experienced the rage, I froze and was shocked and traumatized this was all coming from him. It took a lot for me to just walk away from what I thought was a promising relationship until I discovered the deception and manipulation, his anger and then rage. It still saddens me. I know he was testing me to see if he could break me, make me apologize for it, and stay with him no matter what but I just had too much self respect. 4.5 months of no contact and staying strong.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

​@@SurvivingNarcissism True ❣

[@HzFvr]

​@@windysmith7367 👍👍👍

[@yrd814]

I wish I could find a psychologist like you. My husband and I have been in therapy, but if they are not trained in Narc they quickly become impressed by his "fake charm" 🙄. They try hard to find a happy medium, when in reality, it is his way or no way, and then I look like the difficult one. So draining!

[@shadrackodah6522]

👆do you👆 want to have access to your partner calls,text message,and deleted conversation without their notice on all social media accounts or any other hacking stuff..

[@Hatbox948]

This is my situation too. My husband is Jekyll and Hyde. He has a persona he uses for the public, and I get the awful reality of the real him. Somehow I'm always the bad guy.

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

From Thomas Zasz: "Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence." I am learning to stand up for me. Holler away....I'm an independent being. I define my own life.

[@charmee4045]

My ex narc was demonic when angry. It was terrifying, every feature on his face changed, fueled by alcohol of course, I never argued with him, just let him sleep it off. Only saw it once, and once was enough. Never lived with him again.

[@690169016901]

Their anger always makes me feel that they can’t control themselves and it’s a bully tactic. Doesn’t work on me. I was raised by a Narc and then of course married one. The anger I saw growing up just made me more aware to shut myself off emotionally which is not a good thing in general

[@fenderblue9485]

As I write this my narc spouse is in the hospital. I was talking to the nurse as the narc was talking to his BFF, the nurse made me laugh and the narc told me that to leave if I'm laughing at him. It was here we again, even a heart attack won't stop him. So I didn't say anything, didn't look at him and left. As leaving, he is shouting at me in the ICU cause I'm leaving. I went home in such joy and peace without him. He texted me about his next procedure and I respond I wish him well and I'm not doing this due to his abuse. Then the laughter emoji came back and I told him to find his own way home. The hospital made me take all his clothes, wallet and keys home with me!!!!! If will be funny when the phone rings which is blocked!!!! Finally after 18 yrs I had enough.

[@slimwest41]

Haven't spoken to my dad in 3 years. He defined irrational anger. It hurts because I love him but I had to protect my family.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I get it. It's not an easy decision.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

It's all a game of how to trigger or gaslight you. Once they get you on fire they feel relieved and cooler too. Thanks for your great insights Dr. C.

[@taraarrington2285]

Yeah there sadistic.

[@hollyleanne811]

@@taraarrington2285 it takes away from acknowledging that pain they carry deep inside. Anything but look within

[@beaglerescue5281]

It most certainly is a game to them. But I’m going to continue to be my authentic self. I won’t play.

[@douaa1934]

It show me that the narcissists are losing control

[@tbunnyshy1]

💯!

[@1cpascal]

More and more people know about narcissists and their tricks.

[@michellehill718]

"The entire patterm of narcissism is built upon an irrational foundation." Absolutely, Dr. C! No doubt. It's crystal clear to me now! Thank you again for another brilliant teaching video of invaluable reminders!

[@bonnieforman9700]

"Stay in your lane." I can feel what that means and I will rely on that phrase when I am being confronted. Thanks.

[@mthomas3547]

Dr Carter, we are so blessed to have you. You're really helping us understand the dynamics of narcissism and all its forms. I'm reminded of something that someone once said, regarding angry outbursts and controlling behavior: "They need people to pay attention to them more than you need someone yelling and screaming at you." That made me laugh out loud, but it also made me realize that my needs to be respected, loved and welcomed are not there and those things are vital for me. Thank you!!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome!

[@aaronkwolfe]

I utilized a whole lot of ambivalence. Grey rock worked.

[@tracynewton3083]

If there toxic and your not, keep it that way, please for your own sanity, keep the light. 🙏

[@bluegalant]

*they're and *you're

[@AngelEyes-xm7el]

Just watched a fit of rage at his dog. Broke my heart.

[@jeankipper6954]

"Their goal is to make you feel weak and defeated. ". Thanks for the tools to refute this.

[@nighredemption]

I think the best way to respond is not to play their game at all. Starve them of emotional responses. Trying to understand a narcissist is impossible. Let go of the need to respond to their insanity.

[@joshcannon3600]

I find it a much simpler life to simply keep a distance from everyone instead of trying to decipher the rules of whatever manipulative game they are playing

[@leeboriack8054]

When a narc is having a tantrum, I’ve fantasized about responding with either looking at my watch and yawning or bursting into laughter. Either one would gig the narc but OMG the longterm blowback would be awful.

[@sarilnn1603]

They live in "their" world of make believe. Constantly craving affirmation. "Staying reasonable, and steady, inside your lane", is key. Thx Dr. C.

[@shadrackodah6522]

👆do you👆 want to have access to your partner calls,text message,and deleted conversation without their notice on all social media accounts or any other hacking stuff.

[@-cMc-]

To remain a person of peace

[@yvonnes7412]

If you want to stand up for yourself, even in a calm, respectful way, be ready for lots of yelling and abuse! They just can’t handle it. 🤦‍♀️ I don’t know if it’s even worth saying anything or trying to communicate boundaries. They absolutely do not respect any boundaries and they don’t care about your thoughts or feelings. Everything is a vicious competition. … And that’s why “grey rock” or going “no contact” seem to be where people end up… I wouldn’t even trust telling them about anything personal in your life, even if it doesn’t involve them. They could use it later to insult you or attack you in some way.

[@Peace_love23]

I am nodding my head to everything you are saying. Reasonable people seek answers to such behavior and sometimes that need holds us, hostage. Your videos have helped me understand my husband’s behavior. And they have helped me understand that an explanation or conversation will never happen. I am ok now with that and it is helping me take the necessary steps to regain my respect, dignity, and peace of mind. Dr. C, I will be forever grateful for your videos!✌🏽❤️

[@cyndih1996]

What happens when the Narcissist tells you need to stop being angry because it effect your Son and Grandson. and you reply "it is because of your actions that I am angry" They reply that I am wrong that they did nothing wrong. I should not be angry. Thank you Dr Carter, Due to the videos you have here I learned how to step away and Shut the Narcissist 'Off" ! Their reply was " I am not going to talk to you anymore" Thank You Dr Carter 5 months now of No words from them !

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That works!

[@calgreg2569]

It’s very true they don’t care how you feel..unless it’s them making you feel bad, confused, embarrassed, belittled. That they live for..

[@ladybonezz8017]

What's hard is when dealing with a drunk who is like jekyll and hyde. Fine sober but when drunk its another story. They become a narcissist and then when it turns to threats, intimidation and even domestic violence, scary.

[@lynnfincham6839]

The anger can be so irrational it causes harm. Hitting out and breaking things sometimes can cause bodily threat. It’s this kind of anger which comes from knowhere is what I fear the most. You can’t even walk away from it. 😬

[@taraarrington2285]

Yeah and it sucks when you grow up in this kind of environment. I remember one time my stepfather took the whole TV up the steps and threw it into the parking lot because the volume wasn't working. 🤷 These people are completely unhinged.

[@squizitzithatsitalianforyu4782]

🎉been there 😵‍💫

[@belindariojasjones2540]

The last rage, 3 weeks ago, lasted for almost 4 hours, slamming apples on our kitchen cabinets, pacing back and forth, making fists, coming up to my face, packing his clothing in bags, threatening to run away as does always, kicking the doors, hitting the walls, calling me dirty names, and I was cheating, it was awful. He served me divorce paperwork and going through a divorce. These rages never go away. They get worse.

[@cacatr4495]

@@belindariojasjones2540 They're not well. Congratulations on the upcoming divorce, as there is strong hope for your freedom and peace.

[@Anthony-xt2jm]

Keep quiet and RUN!! There’s no dealing with a narcissist.. they are hell bent for destruction.

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

I've been saving and listening to these videos over and over and over! It's amazing that people with this disorder all over the world have the same behavior pattern.

[@gogosylvia293]

A couple friends and I began reading text messages to each other, from our abusive narc-leaning boyfriends. Portions were 100% interchangable.

[@kellypittman7004]

its amazing I tell you. It's like they went to a convention, and all agreed to do the same thing. When you have information like this, it puts things into context.

[@blurrylights6344]

I find it amazing too! I would like Dr. Carter to address that one day. They all have the same script. How is it possible? And the rest of us recognize it.

[@houseplantnerd2872]

My brother. Lifelong alcoholic, now I believe a malignant narcissist. He recently decided to attack me and my husband on social media. However, I was waiting for it. I knew it was coming sooner or later. My family has rallied around the most abusive person, like a move from a football play book. He attempted to scapegoat me, make me feel his guilt and leave me responsible for my abusive mother's lifetime of poor behavior. Then he ended his drunken tirade with, "have a nice life." As if I'm insulted he's "disowned " me. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Just the opposite. He made his move, one I had anticipated for the last decade, my only surprise being it took him this long. Thank you. As my therapist responded to this with, "Yes!!! That's exactly what you're going to do, have a nice life!!!" I love my therapist, she's been a blessing ❤ They think they pinned me down but I've actually been set free. Thank you. Now I don't owe any of them anything. 😊

[@CarmelaCandela-yv4yz]

I was raised by such a wonderful gentle father my parents were happily married for over 35 years before they both passed...I was in such shock by the rage of my partner ...I had never had a man speak to me in such a vile nasty manner...iit was so traumatizing...i started to disassociate when he would rage...I would simply close my eyes and imagine myself in a bubble....a lot of the rages happened in the car...where i couldn't run or hide...it was so frightening

[@preparedsurvivalist2245]

The anger is tied to their low agreability. They are wired to be irritated by almost anything, and lash out with derision and abuse. And lets be honest, this is a purpose built behavior because in so doing the resulting effects will be supply. You will retaliate, validate, deny, justify, and whatever else you think is necessary to "prove" you aren't the bad guy in all this. Slurp slurp, they just lap up that supply from you, loving every drop you give them.

[@virginiahoward1660]

So I’m faced with federal charges because of the narcissist and he was outraged that I was scared, sad, and lonely. It’s scary to deal with a narcissist… Your videos help me manage my emotions

[@jimjam8949]

It's terribly sad seeing in my adult brother who is a bully, the inability to change and grow because self reflection is too much of a threat to him. All 3 of us had the same parents. But me and my eldest brother are the only ones to have done any therapy. We're far from perfect but at least we questioned how we were living our relational lives, and wanted to learn and grow more positively.

[@noidreculse8906]

It’s hopeless and I must be a narcissist magnet. They are so devious that I don’t realize it, until it’s too late. It is so strange to me, and no way will they allow themselves to be vulnerable. Just RUN ☠️

[@justice_of_nemesis]

Thank you for the advice! It makes sense now how narcissists think and how to stand up for yourself with dignity.

[@debbieforhim7800]

God bless you! I've been surrounded by these people all my life but I have finally taken control of who I allow in my life; I've kicked the narcissists to the curb because I realized they make me crazy, angry, and frustrated and there is no changing them. I am sooo much happier now!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Anger is a very helpful emotion and when we deal with it assertively and cleanly it allows growth and progress , it can be constructive or destructive, we should choose the good path of dealing with it. Thank you so much dr Carter. 😊

[@troussel9087]

Yes it is sad.

[@obscurum6]

It's tragic.

[@Rebelmusedesign]

My sister does things to make people think that she’s a good person. But she’s a narcissist based on everything I’ve watched and read. And experienced. She told me two weeks ago that she wouldn’t go with me to an eye appointment that can be serious because she must spend her day at the nursing home. She says it makes her feel alive to go there and that it is more important than helping me. For one day. It is beyond my comprehension. I have never been able to understand her strange behavior.

[@marysteelman6534]

Because of your help through these videos, I am healing from the abuse of my narcissistic family. Oh, the empowerment! 💪 My dignity and civility and even my love for them stays intact but my own self respect grows exponentially because I no longer give them the power or opportunity to play “Gotcha’!” In the past, after nearly every encounter with my brother, I would try to defend myself against his irrational accusations and/or anger and invariably, I would end up matching his anger until I was in frustrated tears, hearing him say, “Mary, you are coming unhinged. I told you a long time ago that you need to be medicated. When are you going to take care of that?” 🤬 Now, my arsenal grows because I understand that my life has been controlled by LIES! I’ve learned to (more or less) politely order him to “Stop!” when he goes into attack mode and recently, I have added taking a big pause when he is in tantrum mode. I keep my passive-aggressive snarkiness in check and just wait til he glares at me with a breathless “What do you have to say about *THAT*?” In a low, calm voice, I just say, “Moving on…etc., etc.” No more pounding heart or high blood pressure. It all looks so different when I’m in control! I’m soon to be 67 years old so I’ll tell anyone who needs to hear it - there is always time to turn it around! I want some gold in my “Golden Years!” We probably won’t ever change the narcissists in our lives but changing ourselves and refusing to operate as if their lies are truth is EVEN BETTER! It’s been a long time since I beat myself up for letting my mean brother get the better of me. He’s still mean but I am learning my worth. Thank you Dr. C!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Such good thoughts, Mary. BTW, I've long felt that defensiveness is one of the single biggest wastes of emotional energy. It only feeds the bear. So glad you're figuring out!!

[@cloudbusting5968]

So relatable to be the crazy sister, although you're not. You're reactive to abuse that comes your way. Disengage and get to a place of indifference. These people feed of emotions. Especially negative ones. Don't give them yours. Take care Mary.

[@katthompson3852]

'Anger is not of the Lord!' .... I've had that stated to me by a NPD... BUT if you go back and read that scripture it says "Anger without just cause is not of the Lord!" We were not put on this earth to be abused or manipulated to anger to justify somebody else toxic mind set. But our anger... is based in self preservation... IF we manage ourselves correctly. And the best way to do that when dealing with a narc is to apply everything that DrC states here. ❤ thank you DrC.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Funny how they like to speak for God.

[@katthompson3852]

@@SurvivingNarcissism it's interesting to me how they weaponize the Word of the Lord to manipulate for control or shame. I now see this as a blasphemy and a type of 'insulting language' Paul refers too. There is no love your neighbor here. But a edification of self sanctimoniousness and grandiosity. It's seems to me like covert narcissism where people go to church hopefully in the spirit of love and patience and peace... then there are these types who clearly edify themselves as being 'better Christians' than whoever is caught having to listen to them. It steals peace and worse potentially undermines the building of a spiritual relationship with our loving Lord. I thank God for Dr C. He established a foundation of understanding for me that started in 2018. 40th anniversary this year of being married to a covert narcissist who is severely damaged. I am quietly building different paths and am half thru my law degree. When I finish there may even be a book. The best thing anyone can do is listen to and hear what this good doctor has to say.

[@rosieE121]

Their anger is also very destructive especially to children. It would come as result of strangers exposing the narcissist who then transfers the anger to family. I had at times mismanaged my anger in reaction but finally overcame that on realizing what I was doing and that it was hurtful to others.

[@christychristina292]

I deal with my Mother's out of control and very destabilizing irrational anger by dealing with her like I would an animal with rabies. It sounds harsh but she is so out of control and crazed at times [in fact, frequently] that it helps me to think of it in these terms. I do not react- ever. But I do quietly stand up for myself. Then leave it all on the table, No use trying to fix this. It's beyond rational thought.

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes it's like that line in the Bible that it reminds me of my mother. You know how the devil prowls about like a roaring lion seeking whom to devour.😂

[@la6136]

My mother is psychotic like this too. It is better to just walk away and don't talk to them at all.

[@randomexploring541]

This will air on my narcissist’s birthday!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Your gift to that person can be your peacefulness.

[@wandah9468]

I grew up with a steady diet of that. Today if anyone raises their voice, I just shut down, the conversation is over. Old geezers my age like yelling at girls, so I'm liable to tease them about it. Be half the man I am, bub.

[@mattjohnson5489]

And never tell them anything about you they will use that against you or judge you.

[@earthcat]

Look at that sweet boy sleeping like an angel on the couch 💕

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Gus has a great life and a good friend.

[@virginiacombs4896]

Irrational anger in adults to me is 5 year old wetting on themselves Oh my Lord did I need this this week

[@dhiiramanyu6235]

Dr. C, thanks for making me laugh. It most certainly is NOT our place to point anything out to the narc regarding their behavior. I have finally learned to observe rather than absorb, and just walk away. Thanks for all the great information and encouragement you provide. My world has become a better place because of you.

[@dandelion1598]

Perfect timing! I just advanced a position within company & boss & coworkers are angry I moved up & I didn't tell them. They found out through HR & new manager. Now they are calling me a "traitor" to other workers within the company.

[@henrykujawa4427]

"biggest mistake" I have a friend who works at the Post Office who's had experience with narcicists. This comes in handy, as I can compare notes with him. Awhile back, I told him about this one stupid argument I had with my home care clients, and my friend said, "See, your first mistake was ENGAGING with them in the first place." I instantly knew he was right, and started laughing. Back to work this week, that one line of his has really become a mantra for me, helping me keep some distance from any stupidity that I know WILL eventually, inevitably, arise. AND IT HAS. So far, this week has gone extraordinarily well, despite that, because I KEEP studying this problem. I've started watching Dr. Carter videos now in the morning, BEFORE I go to work!

[@yvonnes7412]

Yeah, Pointing out his irrationality just makes him so angry and leads to lots of yelling and insults… Even when I tried to explain some basic psychology techniques like “reframing”, he later tried to twist that around and use that on me when I wasn’t conforming to his lies.. 🤦‍♀️ There is no possibility for introspection with them, even if you give them tools- they just think they are weapons to use against you!

[@gx8841]

After 45 years of wanting my relative to be a part of my life, I simply cannot take this insanity anymore. Prepping for no-contact. It's a sadness for me because there were good times had. The outbursts are so frequent now that I have to protect my own emotional health.

[@CJ-hz1uj]

It’s wonderful when they do it in some public place and you’re just calmly observing them. People remark that facing the same situation they would have punched them out. Enjoy collecting them like specimens, figuratively pinning them into collection boxes like interesting species of beetles or other bugs.

[@lyndabrown1626]

I believe that the No. 1 task is for you to stay safe when you finally start to set boundaries and stand up to the narcissist because the rage and their lack of reality might come with physical abuse, too.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes.

[@cacatr4495]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Quoting Lynda's comment just above yours, "their lack of reality" is a truthful assessment, so why is it that we don't call them crazy, pathological, deranged and insane, as they *are? They are not well; they are sick between the ears. They are the image of the old word "mad" or "madness."

[@beaglerescue5281]

Yes, they have to raise the bar when the old tactics no longer work. I have a feeling my vulnerable narcissist daughter (only child) is going to use mental or physical illness next to bring us under her control. These mind games suck because someone (a lot of people) looking at our situation from the outside might view her parents as uncaring when we are actually not allowing her to manipulate us. This roller coaster ride is infinite.

[@carolsummers8734]

My narc ex would get so raging angry you could not even get him to respond. He would be stiff with rage. He threw the kid toys and even furniture. He once put his fist through the wall when he got angry with our teen daughter. I always felt his raging anger was misplaced for what triggered him.

[@Uberqueenbee]

❤❤ thank you! Oh I wish i had found you decades ago, what a difference it would have made. At some point I stopped believing in myself and my own sense of rationality and logic. Going around in a state of constant bewilderment.

[@grahamstrahle4010]

The anger too often gets blame shifted. First thing that can happen is that a narcissist misconstrues one's total affront at their accusations as 'anger'. One can feel legitimately angry at being misinterpreted, because it is about standing up for oneself - which is everybody's right. But then comes their sweeping judgement that it's therefore your problem because of your response. I just love the logic there. Thank you for these wonderful videos.

[@LoveSource1111]

I developed a nervous system disorder from his anger. It's abusive and he would burst out in anger over little things. It got worst when he isolated me in the mountains

[@giraffewhisperer1]

Same here .We must take care of our health no matter what. Good luck and blessing to you, Dr. C and Team Healthy.

[@beaglerescue5281]

What are you going to do?

[@shifnazfaleel2522]

How r u

[@lisas.1002]

Since I don’t react to the barbs and hostility of my controlling in-law, she now says I’m a fake. But man, her lunch is good- Thanks Dr C.

[@andrewstewart9063]

I respond by not taking their bait and with a particular no contact narc I changed his ringtone to Krusty The Clown, it's always a laugh when he calls in and I let it ring out.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

The old Krusty The Clown technique!

[@istateyourname4710]

That's hilarious!