An Unexpectedly Effective Way To Respond To A Narcissist's Criticisms

[@Vezmus1337]

When they criticize you endlessly, just remember. It's not because you're not good enough. It's because they're not good enough. "It's not me, it's you."

[@PassionateFlower]

I had a guy dump me because he said I was unstable. Then he was evicted from his room rental, his vehicles got flooded in a storm, and he 5150'd himself...because I was the unstable one in all this...RIIIIGHHTTT🙄😒

[@arcturianoracle784]

Idk why this is so hard to remember sometimes or even when I remember it can be so irritating anyway. Like when it's straight projection and I know he's trying to inflict me with a pain that he himself feels and believes about himself (and not really about me). It just makes me so angry that anyone would even try and do that and I argue back because I want him to "know" that I'm not getting fooled by it but ironically I'm getting sucked in all the same 🫠🙃.

[@rde4017]

A narc's criticism of you or others is just psychological projection.

[@cpesq.5884]

​@rde4017 it's eerie though how true that is scary stuff

[@richmanning4635]

It's even deceptive in its simplicity..... once the trauma bond is broken, it's obvious. A close friend may have already seen this from far away.🙏👍

[@phyllistouchstone7136]

They act like they know it all. 🙄 They will not take any advice from anyone. They are liars and very arrrogant.

[@RS54321]

Underneath all of that is massive insecurity; hence the posturing.

[@phyllistouchstone7136]

@@RS54321 I totally agree

[@mzkappy]

When dealing with a narc, be like Gus (the sleeping dog). Be so unbothered that you can just sleep right through whatever they say. I have not mastered it yet but these are great tips and techniques.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus is Exhibit A.

[@derrick7648]

Whenever a narcissist tries to attack my character I just smile extra big and say “nice try but I am awesome and everybody knows it” it drives them absolutely insane because they could never feel that confident with themselves and it shows that I’m immune to their tactics

[@tlovesgreens8244]

😂 You Will creates major narcissistic injury.. so watch out.

[@nicselectronics81]

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

[@user-kf6lu4dn2r]

One day, after some years of being told "You did that wrong" o r"(he) could have done it better" I turned to him and said "You have said that so many times about so many things that it just really doesn't have any meaning anymore. From now on you mind your manners when you talk to me!" Watching him go silent and gape like a goldfish from shock, was one of the most gratifying moments of my entire life.

[@jemjem9699]

Ill note that and practice in front of a mirror😂😂

[@heidiuridge1584]

❤❤❤❤

[@cheberur]

I like Gus' level of unbotheredness. No narcissist can penetrate his armor🙏 We should all be like Gus😂🙏

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

That's right. Gus is the BEST !!

[@sylviadonoghue2195]

Perhaps we should refer to our response to a narcissist as "Giving the Gus".

[@youaremyreward8138]

@@sylviadonoghue2195 so funny but TRUE

[@eileensmith6459]

You gotta love Gus! He's soo chill!

[@curlygirl-sw3md]

here for Dr. Carter, staying for the GUS comments!! Bahahahaha

[@sfletch3042]

The narcissistic person is the most critical individual I know. She has something to say about everyone. The level of judgment is off the charts. It is so gross.

[@ShaylaLove21]

So true! But not a single onze of self reflection or judgement of their own behaviour!

[@victoriabenton8378]

Yep I hear you!

[@joseph-k4e]

I know her, you're talking about... When she trashes everyone else, I know she is trashing me behind my back. It's sad.

[@ohpohp481]

You're describing my wife, unfortunately.

[@dagreatstoney.5869]

Basically they can accept no criticism or take any responsibility, and and the same time criticizing everyone from cleaners , to king. They are desperately alone and dark inside and have such a narrow tunnel of awareness, that they can not expand , and they cause carnage to everyone around them as they try to control everyone around, it's horrible and very sad

[@mousiebrown1747]

Narcissists’ best attack is ANGER Narcissists’ best defense is ANGER When silent, a Narcissist displays quiet ANGER, REJECTION & DISDAIN. (And it’s all YOUR fault! Lol!)

[@shiny7301]

💯💯💯"Chronic fault finders" is the exact definition for narcissists. Thank you Dr. Carter🙏🏻❤

[@susannakotoff7095]

and crossing boundaries for u but won t tolerate it on them

[@Juke582]

And when they can’t find fault in us, they will make up something crazy to insult you about! Just crazy abuse.

[@Aphrodite-fh3vk]

@@Juke582 Yes, that's the worst part!

[@deborahcollins1100]

Yep love this term. It definitely describes my narcissistic husband

[@shiny7301]

@@deborahcollins1100 And also definitely describes my ex-narc husband and his narc-family..

[@lisawenn5594]

They set you up for failure. Just do a task they ask you to do. And you will get your task picked to pieces.

[@caseyseeger1628]

@Lisa Wenn: So very true!!! It doesn't matter what I do, he will find something to criticize me for.

[@onecoolcat2478]

They never apologize for their mistakes - but their triumph look when u apologize for yours is amazing

[@MsTygame]

I agree! Never admitting they are wrong and getting an apology will happen when hell freezes over. But they are sure to point out minor mistakes - true or untrue- others make.

[@its4yourowngood_yvfw]

They cherish and weaponize your apologies. Saying sorry or admiting wrong to them is damn near dangerous so to speak.

[@marthajohn7936]

Very true 😂😂😂

[@AlecRodriguez-gw7nj]

What mistakes? Do they make mistakes? 😂

[@cynthiawhite1122]

Ahhh! The smirk and the smile.... makes my blood boil!

[@patriciafry8634]

Unsolicited advice= criticism. Insightful

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

How does that work when we try to offer them advice though? My nex used to do an awful job of household chores (to try and get me to do it) and I'd try really nicely to offer different ways to do it but it would always end up in argument. I guess I was criticising the job he was doing, but he was pretending to be incompetent at a simple task so he didn't have to do it 😑

[@janiceweed9198]

@@louiseelizabeth9613 I totally understand! It can be learned helplessness, in order to get you to do things for them they don't want to do or feel are beneath their dignity or not worth their time.

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

@@janiceweed9198 yes I honestly think he thought his time was more valuable than mine, he worked (38 hours) so I should do everything else (80 hours) 😒

[@cindytrayer4279]

And that advice is NOT to be trusted. They absolutely don’t have your best interests when they give their advice.

[@sage9836]

I picked up a couple of narky faults, thinking they were social norms! Like, I thought giving advice was a way to show I cared! Because I was advised a great deal and told this was being cared about. I didn't want to be a jerk, just do what was done. If I could do a cool thing, I wanted everyone to be able to do that. I had to edit myself and find better ways to relate. (To me this is different from people asking for a chore to be done differently and being willing to negotiate.)

[@normanczerski5221]

I use the following, "You have a glib tongue and you can speak very fast, perhaps someday you will develop the intellect to go along with it.".

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Touche!

[@user-ov4wr5yu4r]

😊 Good one.

[@carparthero]

beautiful comeback.

[@keepgoing2500]

When I am bombarded with their twisted viewpoint, I calmly remind myself the following...'That's the way they see it.' I choose to no longer be trapped by their blindness.

[@teresadvorak6145]

I try to stay very calm while visualizing them in a big diaper, like the fit throwing toddler they are 😅🤣

[@mistybailey4223]

One thing I've learned to say to my narcissist is "if I'm so 'messed up' why do you stay with me?" Shuts him right up.

[@gigiarmany]

but also why do you stay with " your narcissist"?

[@duromusabc]

Humility plus radical acceptance of who they are plus protecting one’s boundaries plus calm confidence plus authenticity defeats all narcissists

[@gingerhenna9445]

@Duane Romana, Nicely said!

[@wambuialice957]

Well said

[@danielkaiser8971]

Yes, integrity.

[@muskokamike127]

"protecting one's boundaries" as in "you can leave now" hahaha I learned kicking them out is a very effective defence. I used it most effectively when my ex came over to console me when I just got home from my father's funeral and she proceeded to start not one, but TWO arguments with me. (we all know narcs love to pounce when they think you are at your most vulnerable).

[@danielkaiser8971]

@@RN-gx7wt Sometimes radical acceptance is finally making up one's mind to stop wasting energy trying to change toxic people's behaviors and perceptions and start working on one's own healing. It is often a matter of letting go of hopes that toxic people will one day change, that things will get better one day, or even accepting that a relationship is never going to work or that the toxic person never really loved you. Once the hope for these things is released, healing and moving forward is less obstructed. It can take radical acceptance to let go of the hope that something that never worked might work one day, that many years of life are forever lost to abuse, and that healing is going to take a lot of self-work that no one else can do for you. Radical acceptance is sometimes the only thing that works, since narcissists almost never apologize, almost never accept accountability, and almost always leave you to fend for yourself. The narcissists may have been nice in the beginning, only to lure you in and hope they will be nice again, but they never will and radical acceptance is the decision to just know they won't change so that you can take the first step in healing without trying to make sense of that which defies sense.

[@bygrace2me]

What's really wacky is when they *perceive* you've attacked them somehow, then they react with that "me too" counterattack, and they feel justified in the way they're treating you, even though they're reacting to a distortion caused by their own filters.

[@0blivvy8]

That's my mother! She'd say cruel things that are truly insulting, then if I defended myself, she'd say that it was me who was being cruel to her! Also, anything I ever tried to confide in her about as my mother was met with a "yeah? me too" or "so what? me too". Zero empathy, sympathy, or compassion. Narcs like to switch from bully to victim. There's a narcissistic triangle (cycle) of roles they take on: Bully>Savior>Victim. If they aren't getting the attention that they want from being a bully or feel threatened they'll be exposed (unmasked- their true narc persona showing), then they'll shift to savior or victim! I watched my mother do all 3 within a span of maybe 5 minutes once!

[@dragoness777]

My own mother accuses me of attacking her verbally all the time. The way she phrases it, I'm "being spiteful" and my tone is "snappy". Even when I'm speaking normally, and when I try to change my tone to accommodate her critiques, it's never enough. I'm the one with no shame, no guilt, no remorse. My Google search history says otherwise; that's actually how I started to suspect my mom was an emotional bully because CPTSD and CEN sound very familiar to me. Funny thing is that she uses her own CPTSD as an excuse as to why she is neurotic all the time. That and her medicine for nerve issues. I don't care how sick she is honestly, I have mourned her illness and for a different mother a long time ago and I can't be bothered to put any more emotion in someone who only cares about me as a function of the family.

[@Dion82866]

its getting more and more terrifying every time the out burst start.

[@Dion82866]

i was just trying to wake up and eat my breakfast when she went off today. i don't even have time to think before its starts anymore. i'm getting older and more afraid of this condition she has.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Called me one 😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉

[@debrabowman8750]

I keep falling into the trap of trying to reason with him...I don't think I will ever learn. Each and every time, it ends badly for me. I need to listen to this over and over again.

[@cacatr4495]

Logical people truly believe in the value of logic, and they (we) think others will value it too, AND that they will value Reality/truth, but they don't. It's the strangest thing, but they don't. They live in "another world of their own imagining." They do not respect truth or logic. As such, we have nothing in common with them.

[@danielkaiser8971]

It is normal and natural to be able to reason with people, and people who are not toxic will work well with you. It's not a matter of learning so much as accepting that one cannot reason with someone who has a pattern of not being reasonable. You are not wrong for wanting to reason, it works with most people.

[@raccuia1]

Maybe a way to break the link is get your phone recorder out. Point it at him. Don't look at him and remain distracted while you record. Keep quiet while you record. I have found they soon clam up.

[@kellymccance1962]

Same here Debra. I finally realized what I was dealing with in my wife of 33 years...it's called Overt grandiose Narcissist. I know better than getting baited into circular conversations but still feel I have to explain myself. I guess it's "hope they'll get it" (like some miracle might happen 😭)

[@s.s.8029]

I learned long ago that you can't reason with unreasonable people and stopped doing that with my in-laws because they really didn't care what I had to say anyways. I've gone almost no contact and have peace without them in or near my life.

[@cbholmes4739]

“All you have to do is show up and eventually you’ll find out what you did wrong!” 😆 Oh Lordy, ain’t that the truth!!! Thanks Dr. C!!! Elizabeth

[@MarianMurphy-rz8ej]

I sit quietly anywhere at all and they have pillaged my thoughts and throw out accusations. That’s unreasonable. I don’t steal peoples thoughts. I mind my business. It’s insane.

[@viyahtastinyhousevillage2727]

Having a strong narcissist in my life I find your directness funny because it’s so on point!

[@moebanshee]

At the risk of repeating myself: narcissists are baiters. When you take the bait you accomplish a couple of things you Justified their behavior (in their heads at least) and they become the victim.

[@wandah9468]

I Bait them back! Because it's fun to mess them up!😁

[@rppope1006]

Yup, I decided to allow the town people to see them for who they really are. Make no mistake when they do it in public the good people actually see them for the cowards that they are when they disturb our peace

[@nightowl6260]

And they set up their minions to bait you, and if they successfully trigger you, once again, your reaction reinforces the smear campaign.

[@targetedtyranny4661]

It's funny how narcissist so desperately want to find any mistakes of yours, like they don't have any, and alot of the mistakes they say aren't even true,why do they hang on everything you do,if they don't like you get away,if they disagree with you, except different opinions,but they so desperately (need) to show anything negative, and I say desperately because it very much seems that way.

[@MeloBurgers]

omfg!!!! thank u!!!

[@welchce]

I think whether consciously or subconsciously or both... They really really really like to be in control. As in they have to be in control. And it's weird because a lot of them don't even really know what the value of control is or what it means or why they feel they need it so badly. Narcissists are a walking paradox my friend. They're a combination of a malicious tyrant lawyer judge King and fragile frail little child who cannot or will not tolerate anything that violates offends or threatens their fragile ego. When dealing with a narcissist, you're not even dealing with a person you're dealing with a facade... And really, you're not even dealing with a real facade. As funny as that term sounds, You're dealing with a facade of personalities that have been paint brushed on top of fake personalities on top of other facades. That's why they're so impossible to deal with. It is as if they know the truth but you can never convince them of it and they will never face it. Real contradiction they are

[@targetedtyranny4661]

@@welchce Your right! They gotten me to re evaluate, and question everything I know to be true.

[@jaygee768]

Their goal is to manipulate you to the point where you question everything and everyone except them. It's painful to go through but you will come out wiser on the other end.

[@SevenYearSacrifice]

I believe it's also done to avoid any spotlight being shined on their faults and flaws. Anxiously scrambling to point out faults in others before anyone can find a fault in them. It feels desperate to me.

[@butchlane4609]

Everytime the narcissist in my life makes a nasty accusation of me, I always respond by saying, "thank you for your opinion, you're right." I am well aware the intention is to always get a reaction but it is not what is expected. A quote that has provided me the greatest benefit is, "Hurt people, Hurt people." Narcissist's what to do damage and by getting the reaction they're hoping for they become aware their actions are working.

[@summerbee9748]

It’s so refreshing to longer need or want their validation. Thank you Dr. Carter for reminding me these people are weak and ego driven. And it is very sad. But no longer my problem! 💖

[@thalia2584]

Yes! Much love to you!

[@summerbee9748]

@@thalia2584 Thank you very much and you too 🤍

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome, Summer Bee!

[@guyreid8692]

Weak and ego driven. Those are their good points !!

[@jasonsneeden5934]

I heard the Doctor say ,"set your ego down" . Now, I've gone back and watched a few more times trying to formulate a picture in my mind, an itinerary if I may, of how does one set down ones ego? I'm not sure I know when I'm acting out of ego sometimes.

[@private755]

“We just don’t think the same way about that I guess” has been a handy one to me. Although they tend to begin their discard after hearing that 😂😂

[@darcyallsop9129]

Say that also

[@jackiep5009]

When my Constantly Comparing, Competing and Criticizing Narc mom comes at me with what Golden Child is doing or how much her lipstick costs I remind myself of who I am in my beloved doggie’s eyes. That is my Calm Confidence

[@marysuzannajayne1340]

Excellent advice! The narcissist is trying to drag you down to their level with a good nudge lower so they can step on you just before kicking you completely into a hole. Elevate yourself but keep that power to yourself. It’s good to have secret powers! It seems when confronted with insults or jabs, we think we have to quickly fix it. But that’s the tit for tat or cat and mouse a narcissist tries to trap us in. Don’t do it!! Hold tight and walk away. Prove them wrong by living right and believing in yourself ❤️

[@carmenh1863]

My daughter in law is a narcissist who regularly criticises me by text message. I used to find her criticisms devastating, as they were totally unfair and very hurtful. I also used to try and justify and defend myself which was a complete waste of time. Talk about falling on deaf ears! Having watched your really useful videos about narcissists, and others also on you tube, I have a much better understanding of narcissism and no longer take the barbs and criticisms seriously. Nor do I argue back which is what she thrives on. 12 months ago her texts would stop me sleeping at nights they were so bad. Now, my husband and I just howl with laughter at them. Having a knowledge of narcissism has taken so much of the sting out of all the unpleasantness. I observe her antics with a level of detachment and she can no longer hurt me. It’s not what I wanted - I would have loved a good relationship with her - but you have to play the cards you’ve got, and this is the best way I can deal with it. I’m so grateful for these videos. They have taught me so much.

[@kathywilliams1050]

A sense of humor helps! I have a collection of all the dumb argument preambles my N has made. They have become comical. Almost.

[@lindac6919]

I'm sorry she doesn't appreciate you. I think a nice MIL is a jewel in the family crown.

[@eileensmith6459]

Gotta feel sorry for your son having to live with her! Block her!

[@denisedevoto5703]

I am so sorry for your son, you too.

[@staceystrukel1917]

Interesting that your not talking about your son. Why are you two texting one another? I don’t understand this at all.

[@darrynreid4500]

I remember when, after repeated attacks on my character to which I refused to respond, finally said "If you want to belittle me, you might try to at least pick something that I actually do, rather than things you do. Would you like me to prepare you a list for next time?". The result of this was, entirely predictably, a screaming tantrum while throwing things at me and howling about about how they were the victim of my bullying.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

At first the belittling is taken seriously because who doesn't want to improve. And then the pattern is revealed. The stunning realization that they have no self awareness.

[@lunenfeld51]

Oh boy. How to make a narc lose their shit. Beware.

[@christieclunan7022]

What bothers me and hurts the most , concerning the unfairness and gross exaggeration of the criticism or warped perception of me…isnt really the blow to my ego (i know its not a reflection of me at all)… its the total lack of esteem towards me and pitiful way he truly feels about me.. the lack of valuing me in his life or the blatant lack of respect for me as a person. The easy and effortless way he can watch someone he claims to care about fall apart and bleed. Preferring and choosing to hurt and see me suffer rather than wanting to see me happy. Being an influence that makes life just a little bit better in this world , is a foreign concept for them. Plainly heart shattering Xx

[@tlovesgreens8244]

They’re demon possessed is the reason why they can reach such low hatred levels. He was and has always been envious and jealous of you. If you remember this you can understand the hatred and bitterness towards you. He never loved you. He and his demon always hated you and wanted you to hate yourself and others.

[@amybarathStorminStormy]

I became so tired of fighting that when my narcissistic sibling burst into the room to verbally attack me for something that happened 25 years ago I used to burst into song with a rendition of the Mighty Mouse theme, "Here he comes to ruin my day" I would sing as his anger boiled up and I walked away singing my song.

[@RondallReynoso1]

This is good. I will say though that in my experience, narcissists often interpret calm confidence as arrogance. If you are not constantly seeking their approval and playing in the unhealthy systems they develop, they accuse you of being arrogant. Calm confidence is still the right way to go but be prepared for the accusation of arrogance.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

At some point, my attitude is...let them put any interpretation they want on it. What is most important is for you to know your own heart.

[@RondallReynoso1]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Agreed!

[@janewild9150]

There is no calm anything! My life is a battleground…and I am still losing….but now I am determined to get away, move on…I might have 20 years left..I want peace…only peace..

[@taom9004]

Tough when it's your mum. When I think I have achieved calm confidence, or radical acceptance, she always finds my jugular. Even though I know it's inevitable, I never see it coming. She's an artist.

[@lindac6919]

F*cking moms. My mom is dead, and if I could I would dig her up and smack her across the face. She got so much healing and sympathy out of me, and she didn't deserve it. If I could suck out all the love and longing that I invested in her, I could would do it. And I would turn it into a firehose and blast her skin off with it.

[@jennyanderson4796]

could have written this myself -

[@sallyflavell6221]

My mum was very good at put downs and gaslighting and it was a relief when she passed. A friend I met reminds me of her and I am wise to the way she invalidates me like my mum did for years. Yes it’s so much harder when it’s a close relative but you are worth loving and being loved for who you are. Don’t let anyone tell you differently ok❤

[@WalkaboutBridge]

Here’s hoping this message finds you well 🥰 I have the same problem with my mom, can’t bring myself to go no contact. I delight in not sharing most of my life with her. I keep a lot to myself and while I do grieve “the idea of what I wanted my mom to be like ( a MOM! )” I have accepted the truth about her narcissism and I forgive her because she learned it from her mom. I forgive her - but I don’t let her all the way in anymore. Hugs 🫂

[@carparthero]

@taom9004 if someone keeps treating you badly, eventually there comes a point when you have to stop blaming their behavior and start blaming yourself for continuing to stick around.

[@kadootje77]

This I think the most challenging aspect of dealings with a narcissist, especially when you can't go no contact due to circumstances. I believe self-love, self -knowledge and self-respect, common sense are extremely important to not wobble, also include knowledge about their pattern, realizing it is nothing personal, and sticking to your healthy core of kindness, love, respect, dignity, honesty, when you must respond.... And this to me is the most important: Spirit... I look forward to this one Dr C

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it, Dee!

[@melody5683]

I actually experienced this today! Strong enough to consider the source, and realize, it cant help itself!!! HOW FREEING!!!!!!!(p.s.- source was my mother. I've come a LONG way!!!!

[@kadootje77]

@@melody5683 'IT' ... Well done! Keep it up!

[@jasonsneeden5934]

It seems like every word choice of a "false someone" is an obvious reflection of some inward belief or influence. Not so obvious in healthy humanity.

[@aliceroberts1980]

That says it all

[@blessedlife3298]

I love to see Gus in the videos . He is one of the fortunate dogs in the world to have Dr C as his Paw Dad ... smiles

[@WalkaboutBridge]

As much as you’re looking for the perfect “one liner” to put them in their place - avoidance, not engaging, NOT taking their bait moves you from SURVIVE the narcissist to THRIVE in your own life 💯

[@ephesians5112]

Everything you're saying is spot on. Took a road trip with my Narc cousin who criticized me endlessly. If I lost something or left my key in my room, she would present a laundry list of things wrong with me that caused me to lose it, and after more criticisms I finally started coming back at her, saying "Do you have to tell me everything that's wrong with me?", and "I'm sorry I'm not a perfect person," and finally "Will you just let me BE MYSELF???!!!" So then she quit criticizing me and began back-seat driving. GRRRR... 🚗

[@ShaylaLove21]

This!! I hear it all, comments about my weight, my daughters weight, about her hair and how it’s styled, how long it is, what we both wear, what l cook, what schools l choose for my kids, what car l drive, what brand pasta we buy…the list is absolutely endless. I stand there and when she starts again l say in my heard “there’s the dysfunction again..” which does help when you can detach and see this is all THEM or is not you.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Detachment. There is a spiritual manual that recommends not defending yourself because they will never accept anything that does not bring them a win. It says, if I defend myself then I am attacked. Earth builds spiritual muscle like nothing else.

[@bq1424]

This is interesting. On the morning my father was buried, my incessantly critical aunt said to me “Can I have a word with you. Someone so good looking as you to still be single, will you promise me you’ll go for counselling”. I had been up all night for the previous seven days and was not ok sleep deprived AND upset to bother defending myself hence I just kept saying “Right.. right.. right…”. Well, whatever this woman’s insecurity is I’m not sure but she sure as hell would NOT be so indolent to say such a thing to me except when she thought she had me. I had a few phone calls from the said old bat since that time in which she was trying to devalue me and as of June 2021, I do not answer her calls. She can KEEP her issues, I ain’t her projection white board.

[@z1z2z3z]

She sounds very unhealthy! Good for you, don't waste more time on people who want to bring you down!

[@danielkaiser8971]

Exactly correct. Only you are responsible for your life, what you do in your life, and for determining what is right for your life, and for maintaining your own life and your own mental health. The more you heal from toxic abuse, the more intolerable it will be for you to be around toxic behaviors and environments. The fact you object to being told how to live, and that you have recognized your own needs are important (like needing sleep and wanting to be left alone), these are clear signs you are healing and while I do not know you personally, I am very, very proud of you for moving forward so incredibly well with your healing. Nothing will stop you now, you have had a taste of what healing feels like, so there is no going back to the toxic way things were. Two thumbs up!

[@muskokamike127]

Narcs LOVE funerals, they think you are at your most vulnerable so that's when they pounce. My ex did that exactly to me....only instead of criticizing she started two arguments. A good comeback to her would have been "did it ever occur to you that I'm single because I like the freedom it brings? Not having to deal with anyone else's scarbage"?

[@lindac6919]

Good for you! I'm on your side. She'll find someone else to bother...or else she will start sending in her flying monkeys, to persuade you that she is correct.

[@lovesings2us]

You did great! I'm inspired. Thank you for sharing. Stay strong.

[@summerbee9748]

He said I was so calm because I was possessed by evil spirits 😂 just calmly setting boundaries and not reacting really irritates their demons!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Talk about twisted logic!!

[@gingerhenna9445]

@Summer Bee, Thanks for sharing, that was really good funny because it's true!

[@limitedtime5471]

"Consider the source" -- Dr. C 😄

[@jeanetteshawredden5643]

OMG. What a joke, accusing YOU of having evil spirits!

[@summerbee9748]

@@SurvivingNarcissism oh yes that’s just one of the many completely absurd things that I’ve heard come from him. Honestly, it gets really hard not to laugh…it’s just so bizarre!

[@Janeou8589]

Putting my ego away was challenging when a critical coworker spoke untruths that affected my work reputation. I pressed forward with calmness and 7 years later, I’m still there and she moved on somewhere else. I learned calm confidence is who I want to be because it bears good fruit. You learn who people are by the fruit they bare and in this case, I learned about myself too.

[@carpathianken]

I have that happen a lot in my workplace. Do you have some advice & pointers on how you did it please?

[@Janeou8589]

@@carpathianken 1. Know that in every workplace there’s always going to be that someone who causes drama. Have some boundaries so you’re not a magnet for them. 2. Drill it in your head who you want to be - define yourself and (have a visual at your work desk in a private place if need be) so that when sticky situation’s come (and you know they will), you are able to respond (or not), instead of react to fuel the fire. 3. Know that you may never know the outcome of what happens to the person causing the drama. It may seem like that person has more privacy/clout than you but it’s an HR thing. But I can tell you if you have a smart manager, most are already onto that person. Your job is to concentrate on you and your efficiency, and let your work ethic speak louder than the person causing drama. One thing in your favor in a bad work culture, is the workplace is an ever changing environment. I’ve lived long enough to witness a pattern with the toxic ones: they are never happy at work and they usually are the ones who leave whether voluntarily or by force. Neither focus on them, nor the unfair drama at hand. Your game strategy is to focus on your growth and development and what you can give back. That makes you grounded and makes you feel good about your self amidst the “dark noise.” 4. Be on team healthy. Be civil (kind is different than being nice), set boundaries, don’t fuel the toxic one. Regardless of any work situation whether you stay or leave, take your true self with you and be the one who sleeps well at night. 5. When ruminating, go pet or think of puppies and kittens and warm winter mittens. Go play a round of golf (or the like). Positive thoughts (not Pollyanna thoughts) fuel your good future. Best wishes to you!

[@attitudeofgratitude4693]

God gives grace to humble. And humility always comes before honor. Praise the Lord, the world's greatest counsellor.

[@laurasluss6957]

I have had to learn and practice maintaining my emotional sobriety with the narcissist.

[@MicheleLHarvey]

"Unsolicited advice equals criticism." Yes! A thousand times YES! Thank you for that validation, Dr. Carter, (for all the times I've been accused of misinterpreting the N's 'helpfulness', when I know in my gut it's veiled criticism!

[@kamhart]

After a separation, that ugly thing called “life events” shook my journey to peace & joy. I was blindsided to say the least & to top it off, the “N” came back to offer “support”, etc… in other words, I was thrown under the bus, unknowingly for several months. But he couldn’t fake it for long, & the ugly truths came out… But thanks to time, skills & knowledge I have learned here with you… I have been able to do EXACTLY what you just talked about! His games are not NEW! But boy my lack of reaction, tolerance, & standing up calmly for myself are! Talk about ratted!… but he has upped his game…& since it’s not working, it’s gotten pretty ugly at times. But I stand my ground calmly for ME! & I’m not falling apart. My head & perspective.. so much clearer & im truly horrified at how I know in the past I have fallen to his destructive hate.. I have forgiven myself, & trying to make amends to the unintentional hurts I caused my family! I don’t know if it’s age?, inability to con, lie etc as well as he use to? But his ego, selfishness, lack of empathy …. Are unbelievably awful. Tonight, my own issue with not being able to shut my mind off & rest.. I found this POST & it has lifted me to a peace I had lost & the affirmation I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING! For ME… a TRUE GODSEND! Thank you… thank you!!

[@mikeshr4932]

If a Narc cant control you then they start destroying you.

[@cedargrace]

“ unsolicited advice equals criticism” this is pure gold. Thank you. This is so helpful to call a spade a spade

[@osvaldoalvarado1335]

Excellent advice! Be Humble, don't play their game!

[@nryane]

Definitely the ex is a troubled soul. Since I have added more EMDR/CBT trauma therapies to my life, I am much more aware of my self-esteem and peace. Yep. I’m a fallible human being. I make mistakes and have errors in judgment. That’s what makes me truly human. The non-egoic approach to abusive, critical individuals is tantamount to practicing the grey rock method. Not caring what they say about us is important. Not being invested in how we are perceived makes all the difference. The more I practiced not reacting, but being in the present, the now-ex backed away, more and more, from me. His treating me with disrespect gave me more freedom, because he was with other women. I was able to follow through with plans to leave. AND I did!

[@PlasticAlleyKat]

Narcissists are recognized in the Bible, 2 Timothy chapter 3. Don’t be confused, this is spiritual warfare! They are out to drain every ounce of energy from you. Once you realize that and cut it off, you will see just how exhausted you are by their demons. Send them back to where they came from because they are not your demons! This was a breakthrough revelation for me, and I hope it helps somebody here. ❣️🙏❣️

[@black_sheep_nation]

They're also recognized in Scott Peck's brilliant book from the 80's:" People of the Lie". In case you don't rely on bibles. Like me. ☺️

[@PlasticAlleyKat]

@@black_sheep_nation I don’t rely on Bibles either. I have brain damage I can remember scripture but I can never remember the book the chapter or the verse. I just go with the prompting that I feel is from the Holy Spirit. ❣️

[@black_sheep_nation]

@@PlasticAlleyKat good for you! Spiritual practice is critical in tandem with trauma therapy skills. As a Buddhist, I must practice 2x daily when I rise, and before bed to combat the relentless ego projection. M. Scott Peck wrote "The Road Less Traveled" as well. It was a huge bestseller. You can easily find links here, on KZbin to both audiobooks.

[@PlasticAlleyKat]

@@black_sheep_nation Yes indeed it is. So we have different but I believe equal believed in a spiritual higher power. We just have different names for it. I truly believe it’s all the same, I don’t judge. One book that helped me tremendously was the The Four Agreements. I don’t remember who the author was though lol. It changes your whole entire outlook on your mental outlook about your self and people around you. It was truly life-changing for me. You can find it on Amazon for around eight dollars, I really hope you read it.

[@teresadvorak6145]

❤❤❤Yes, we can pray for it & ask for all the negative energy that the narc gives U or sends you,reverse & send it back to them. Let them founder on their own energy. U can pray for them toooooo 🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤

[@observationsincars5083]

Every narcissistic criticism goes by the same meaning: why are you, you?

[@annking8633]

Well put. Exactly that. 💯

[@lifewithapurpose237]

👍🏻🤗👍🏻

[@marlineemmal6458]

Everyone has to be an extension of their monstrous ego. They can't stand any indication of individuality.

[@brg2743]

It is amazing how fast a malignant narcissist will expose their dumbness by criticizing or trying to guilt you, or accuse you when it is their first interaction with them. Strange rangers. They are the first ones to complain about others and what they do is 50x what they say others do. Denseheads.🧠

[@danielkaiser8971]

The low functioning narcissists will demonstrate their toxic behaviors almost immediately as you have pointed out, and when you know what to look for, you can identify them quickly. The high functioning narcissists are much more intelligent, and they are careful not to expose their toxic game until they are sure they have isolated a vulnerable target and won't get caught, so they can maintain a good image to the public while abusing the target in private.

[@gingerhenna9445]

After being the meanest, they are also the saddest of people, always glum and gloomy. So its wonderful to concider that, "calm confidence" in dignity may help keep our personal energy safe from them drawing out our energy reserves. That seems priority and it seems like a responsible thing for us to do also.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Yes indeed. The most toxic people are also the ones who avoid accountability for their toxic behaviors by being sad and gloomy, often with a poor me "victim mentality", but it is usually just a game they play to avoid being held accountable. In time, the pattern is seen by most everyone around them, so they can't play that game with the same people forever. Sometimes they have to find new people separate from the old ones they discarded.

[@louiseboyd8896]

Glum and gloomy....wow!....while I am upbeat and sunny despite their mood....

[@kca49]

You hit the nail on the head. I get criticized for little things. I even get criticized for feeling tired when I get home from work. Smh

[@mythologic]

The best thing I have learned to defeat a narcissist is to remain in your healthy dignity if you are not doing anything morally wrong and even project that it’s good. Narcissists even in their full critical mode will back off. Any form of vulnerability they’ll criticize or fault find. The key is to see vulnerability as normal and healthy even.

[@danielkaiser8971]

Yes that's correct. Vulnerability is normal and natural, and healthy relationships respect and even protect vulnerability. Only toxic people use vulnerability as a weapon, and your own healthy attitude for you own normal vulnerabilities shows narcissists they don't have any power over you, so they back off exactly as you said.

[@lindac6919]

Unless they are bigger than you and hit you.

[@OCD1-e8u]

Whenever I am peaceful and stressless my narc partner is trying to trigger me with subtle critisism on the way I act, trying to humiliate me. But in my head I keep telling myself, you know what he is trying to do, stay calm and keep doing what you do😊

[@Teacher369]

Love, love, love ❤️ Gus’s calm confidence. 🐕

[@rebekahransom415]

Dr C your home or office is such a soothing, nourishing atmosphere. The lighting and lovely art is so nice and peaceful. Gus helps with that, too.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks. It is my home study. AKA my man cave.

[@bethpalmer4950]

I don’t know where I heard this but it was good so I’m gonna include it here. “Unsolicited advice is an aggression.“ I thought that was very insightful and I am aware of that now all the time.

[@cyndigooch1162]

beth palmer I've noticed that a lot of people, including supposedly empathetic ones, tend to do that though, as most children aren't taught active listening skills. I did a helpline counselling course many years ago where it was drummed into me and other attendees NOT to give any advice, unless the person asked for it, yet to be very careful when that was the case. It turned out that I wasn't able to be a phone counsellor at the time, then ended up having to ring myself, due to traumatic situations. I found that most of the counsellors gave unsolicited advice, which I followed sometimes and caused more issues. I don't ring helplines anymore, due to getting support via KZbin etc, as well as too many negative experiences. I put it down to their stress and the fact that it can be difficult to change behaviour, or that some, or more, lack empathy themselves. ❤

[@koma4050]

I’m very familiar with the unsolicited advice. I’ve received a lot of it over the years from my narcissistic wife & dad. It’s strange that they get bent out if shape when you call them on it. They’ll say “I’m just trying to help you.” They can help by not forcing their advice on us. Peace out people.

[@deniseelsworth7816]

I've always felt that somewhere inside but have never heard it said and so succinctly.thanks

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

I have been grateful for unsolicited advice many times. saved my ass a few times.

[@SparkyGirl762]

Dr. C, I would like a t-shirt that says “Be Like Gus” on it! ❤️ And of course…..with a pic of him snoozing away. 🐶

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus would be fine with that!

[@brg2743]

Or a tshirt that says Gus will GET ya if you mess with me.🤭

[@pamelahansen5928]

Trying to learn calm confidence after being shredded by the nonstop decades of criticisms of a narcissist - very challenging but this advice is absolutely spot on when dealing with a narcissist- THANK YOU, DR. C AND Gus, of course💝

[@barbarajuneelderphelps2390]

In calm, quiet confidence, shall be your strength.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

I swear all of your videos describe my former friend. She knew I was done with her, during what would be our final phone call, when I glibly said this to her: “I really don't want to hear the next thing out of your mouth but go ahead.” She was horrified.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

That was a stopper.

[@michaelgpartridge2384]

Holy crap, this is a beautiful zinger!! Wow, you are an artist! And I am stealing this line - thank you, it is pure genius!🙏❤️

[@iononcantomascrivo]

@@michaelgpartridge2384 Have at it. Here's another one: "You need pull your head out of your ass before you choke on all the shit that you're so full of."

[@joliabags]

I wish I had these videos to watch when I was living with the narcissist I lived with. The book that helped me the most was “When Good Men Behave Badly”. It helped quite a bit. I learned to keep my mouth shut and never repeat myself. He would repeat the same thing over and over because he didn’t think I heard him. I learned how to walk away and drive my car and yell at him while I was driving alone. He continually called my a dumb ass and told me how fat I was. I have a degree in chemistry and never was more then twenty pounds overweight. I only stayed because I couldn’t afford to move out until my Dad paid me to leave him. I never looked back and never let him reel me back, which he tried several times. I am now with a man who tells me all the time how beautiful I am and how smart I am. I’m sure I appreciate him more than I ever imagine I could have because I survived living with the narcissist. Thank You So Much for your videos!

[@darleentaylor9058]

I made a speech at a small event. My N husband was there. I left the event before he did. I was satisfied with my presentation and thought it went well. N came to me when he got home and said, "You did a great job!" He then proceeded (not to my surprise because I watch your videos) to tell me that he looked around at the people during the speech and thought that most of the material went over their heads and some didn't get the jokes, etc. I told him in the middle of his 'kind remarks' to stop talking...and that I knew the reason he was telling me all this had no other purpose than to make me doubt myself and to make me feel bad. He said, "No, no! I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT! " Like his opinion was the only one that should matter. I left the room, and I am sure he thinks I left because I am sad others didn't like my speech (I got nice feedback from others). I WAS sad that my husband wanted to hurt me so much. I am not sure I will ever get used to that. He couldn't let me have any praise... he is competitive and needs to be superior.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That is deluxe gaslighting!

[@melaw5]

Their interpretation of their role as, "life partner," never ceases to amaze me. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It gets worse as they age, unfortunately, at least in my experience.

[@NATALIEKING1976]

Calm, confidence. Two things my narc parents, along with many other things, failed to instill in me. I would rather avoid the devil and just not walk through my mothers front door.

[@gigiarmany]

I hear ya..staying calm & confident in the face of their atrocities is sometimes just too much..best to stay away as much as possible

[@wisdomtarot2379]

Been able to hold onto your own truth is so important. If you don't have the confidence, it allows them the scope to bully and intimidate you. Don't give them the power or hold over you.

[@indiesindie1984]

My silence is golden ✨️ and I learned not to stoop to their level of rancor and disdain! Thank you Dr. C! Watching your channel has helped me tremendously! I'm finally in a position to move out and leave the narcissist I lived with! 🤗

[@mireadossantos4610]

I'm happy for you.

[@sunshine-sm6nf]

yes they are troubled people, I say just consider the source and try to avoid them and get with healthy people who dont criticize me. Yes, when they criticize it is just noise, love this.

[@gessrinky9129]

Gosh this is so spot on. My mother in law is so quick to point out everything wrong with me. She often laughs at me and asks questions she knows the answer to in order to hurt. The worst.

[@houseplantnerd2872]

Ironically all of this has forced me to evaluate myself as much as I am everyone in my life. I wasn't the same person 10 years ago, 5 years ago, last week. I have personal growth goals that Dr. C reminds me of in nearly his every word. I won't stay who I was. Growth is my only option.

[@give_peas_a_chance]

Yes, I came to that conclusion too. It's the only way. Blessings to you on your journey.

[@GS-gd4yc]

One of the most useful things when you drop your ego with a narcissist, is that they become comfortable in their superior role, and start saying things that expose their true nature, completely aside from anything you are doing or saying . The way I handled the narc was very much about my own comfort at first. I was not comfortable competing, so I took away any attitude or accomplishment that might make her feel the need to compete. Once I did that; she became settled in her superiority, instead of trying to one up me all of the time, and just started saying all of the derogatory things that she thought about me all along, in dribs and drabs. It wasn’t like she sat down with me one day and just let loose. It was like little criticisms of how I look, my education, letting me know “accidentally” that she took credit for an idea I shared with her, etc etc etc. It was like an information gathering win fall!

[@Joanna-np6fx]

One time as a teen, remember it well, my covert narcissistic father was up on his pedestal looking down his nose and telling me everything that was flawed about me. Being a little rebellious I said. “Well dad, it takes one to know one” and “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. OMG! He flew into a rage and I was pummeled for an hour. Ouch ouch ouch inside and out.

[@dm3144]

OMG!!! I am so sorry!🦋✌️

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Yes 😂🎉he always said I was just different he say your a pill 💊

[@dm3144]

@@tammyfitzgerald5336 I’m so sorry Tammy, I know what it’s like. I wish you the best 🦋🌸🐬 🦋SURVIVOR🦋

[@give_peas_a_chance]

Sounds just like my father. Sorry you had to go through that .

[@maryc9312]

Your share brings up a good point. Responding to the wrong person can bring escalation and abuse. Been there

[@Joanna-np6fx]

I just want to add being the child of a narcissistic parent is truly debilitating- a child lacks the resources, insight, any ability to escape or take care of themselves. Please if you are a relative or friend and see this type of thing going on realize it’s child abuse and please do SOMETHING to help that child. Dr. C would you do a video on ways the family or friend bystander can assist that helpless child victim!! I am so angry sometimes that no one helped me, not even my own mother! Covert narcissistic parents are experts at hiding their abusive treatment behind closed doors of the home. Please educate people about the red flags that a child may be suffering as a victim!

[@delicatemoves123]

You might want to break off contact with mom and the narcissist.

[@gracegarce8026]

Calm confidence. This is definitely the key word ☺️ Thank you so much Dr. Les. Appreciate all the insights you share ❤️

[@tashasmith2245]

I agree.

[@keplermission4947]

@@tashasmith2245 Yeah but appeasement is okay in affluent Southlake TX where you've landed in luxury, but so often these dark triad people are squeezing you out of getting where people like Dr. Carter got through his good fortune, or good luck. Although that twin brother of his looks like a real problem. Dr. Carter's view is often a complacent one lacking in any good cures for what these people are, you know they're evil and a danger to our future. Be very careful who you befriend.

[@muskokamike127]

yeah, narcs love to get you wound up. Drives them crazy when they can't.

[@raymondgarafano8604]

It really is a beautiful thing to know you have enough goodness and faith in yourself to not let a person who is so empty upset you due to their lack of self honesty and confidence.

[@jilllloyd7792]

You hit the nail on the head for me, when you characterised that aspect of narcissistic behaviour as unsolicitated advice and criticism. Two years ago when I told my mother I was going no-contact with my narcissistic sister, one of the reasons I gave her was that it was hard for me to cope with her constant criticism, dressed up as unsolicited advice. She also did far worse things to me, which I won't detail here, but her constant attacks on my self-esteem were like Chinese water torture, eroding my sense of self and peace of mind. You have helped me confirm without a doubt that she is indeed a narcissist, and that in itself, is huge for me. Thankyou. ❤

[@StumpStunter95]

My child of 4 yrs old, mother is a toxic person. Her behavior and actions shows signs of multiple mental illnesses. We have been split up since our child was 3 months old. I've just recently started listening to these style videos to try and understand my situation and how to handle it better for our daughter. The more I listen, the better I feel about how I'm going to handle the future. Thank you for all the helpful talks.

[@57msdeb]

So many times they accuse others of things they are doing. How they cannot see that is beyond me.

[@Giuliana-zx6gd]

They see it, & they know it’s negative. They also know they’re the ones doing what they’re accusing you of, and they know it’s so bad that they can’t accept it about themselves so they project it. They only play dumb - remember that! Even a 5 year old knows when they’re lying, & what they’ve done wrong, and trying to put that on someone else is manipulation! My ex narc was at a loss to find anything I was doing wrong, but wanted to either start a purposeful fight, or blame me for his wrongs-he was not too bright so he’d use what he’d done wrong to blame me. They’re downright insane, dangerous, and mean. They just want to pull you down to where they’re at. Stay safe and narc free! Peace

[@raedarden9830]

Always wondered why my "problem person" seemed to lay in wait to point out my mistakes and/or belittle me...that was before I knew about narcissism. Sure does answer nearly six decades of wondering "what the heck!!!" "It's not my problem" relieves a lot of the sting. Thanks!

[@cacatr4495]

Minus the word "narcissism," the book of Proverbs talks a lot about them in the first couple of chapters, even including the phrase "laying in wait." Neurological dysreguation has been known since man's rejection of original design in the Garden > Cain.

[@raedarden9830]

@@cacatr4495 Interesting. I'll do some more reading. Thanks.

[@That_IT_Trainer]

Your dog is giving you the narcissistic silent treatment I get a lot of but seriously this was highly insightful it’s spot on

[@MarianMurphy-rz8ej]

😂

[@RKX_Errant]

Excellent advice from Dr. Carter. I've applied this method and can attest it definitely works. In an elementary way what the basic underlying principle is reminds me of that old time schoolyard taunt: "I'm rubber and you're glue and whatever you say bounces off me and sticks on you." 😆

[@jodirowe2996]

This advice sounds like it would work better as self talk. My narcs would never let me get past word 3 if I attempted these statements😢

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I get it Dr.C. Instead of bracing yourself when they start. Just sigh as in 'here we go again' thanks again for great video Dr.C ❣

[@cacatr4495]

One can swap the sigh for this inner thought: "This is who they are."

[@danielkaiser8971]

Yes. Their behaviors are a statement on their behalf. When their behaviors are a pattern, you can easily predict them and see them for what they are.

[@louiseboyd8896]

Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde....chameleon.....actors....I feel like I am watching another performance.....they are extremely moody.....once you realize that you don't feel the sting so much....,

[@susancosgrove7821]

Calm self-regard, the pathway out of corner they like to put you in. Thanks Dr C 💜

[@floopowder79]

I am constantly setting myself on fire with this narcissist. It seems like everything I say or do is monitored intently and judged deeply. I do not like how his presence alone makes me feel.

[@sleeperno1215]

Stare blankly back at them. When they ask what you are staring at, respond with “I’m considering the source”

[@LindaSmith-nl7yj]

Every time you mention Gus, it makes me smile! Thank you Dr. Carter for all you do!

[@michaelmorrison5280]

I always like the agree and amplify method. I use it on my mother all of the time. They quickly realize you don't take them seriously and will leave you alone as to not have their ego bruised by your happy indifference.

[@izawaniek2568]

Dropping your ego accelerates your healing and personal growth by a hundrrd. Thank you for brilliant advice dr Carter❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Iza.

[@susanmeredith5456]

The doggie is SO cute and I just want to cuddle on the couch with him. Thanks for all of your videos.

[@jasmineflower9879]

Always good after keeping quiet around a narcissist is to LET OFF STEAM by answering back in your mind what you would love to really say to them. That way you dont lose your voice. You have expressed your anger, not repressed it. Go us !

[@marknolan2799]

Calm confidence is fundamental. I heard Salma Hayek the actress put a different spin on it. If you were being criticized in another language, their words would mean nothing to you. I think if you have put some distance between you and the narcissist, one way to look at it is that you survived. I think that's reason to hold your head up high.

[@hollyk7052]

They get to know your vulnerabilities & exploit them so it’s not always easy to ignore a calculated bait/attack.

[@mayolasbones6831]

God wants us to sease striving and spend quite time with the Lord 🙏. Thank you good man.

[@kenjehle]

Thank You!!! Thank you for all you've done and contributed. You have changed my life, opened my eyes to my codependency, validated my experience, given me courage to move on, get out of (and avoid) toxic relationships....please know you are making an amazing difference.

[@debbyn4647]

Yes. Amazing. Mine signed off the lesse yesterday and took his Air Conditioner thinking he would torture me. It got replaced with a brand new one this morning. I had his things ready at the door, locks changed. He was pissed I bought my own flatscreen when he took his. There was nothing he could give I cant replace, and I have really supportive people in my life and a great therapist who wants to help me be me and find the good. Life is soooo much better. He came up against the wrong person. Thank you Dr. Carter 2.8 years of torture minus the first 4 months of fakeness and love bombing. Not worth it. Never again. Blocked him. Went no contact. I never want to hear from him again.

[@skinnyway]

🥳🥳🥳💖💖💖 love to hear success stories!!

[@skinnyway]

@@debbyn4647 AMEN!!! its like they think we cant have anything without them. Take the A/C. take the TV too!! here you want the ice trays?? go on with yourself! LOL

[@ritahemmerly4224]

@@skinnyway Funny you say that. I had a cloth bag, elastic top and bottom for grocery bags. My ex took that so he could save on garbage bags. At the time I laughed and asked WTF?? Now I know.

[@skinnyway]

@@ritahemmerly4224 😆😆 right!!

[@je25ff]

My mother is such a raging narcissist that she has literally threatened to call the police (we all know there's no valid reason) when she is in a narcissistic rage.

[@123raven4]

It's been quite awhile, but when my son would show up, he would start looking at my car as if he was giving it an evaluation on how the exterior looked! Lol then after he was done with his visit, drive away with a $30,000 Harley Davidson as if he is all that!! My car has a little rust on the side/bottom but I like it!!❤ It's a car!

[@GinaG557]

I've learned over the years you can't reason with unreasonable people

[@theresafowler9000]

The persistent criticisms in the guise of “I just have opinions and have to share.” Or “ I’m just trying to help.” “You’re just too sensitive and don’t know how to…” it’s very weary making. For sure! How he compares against me so he can build up himself. He rationalizes being critical as being helpful. It can be destabilizing even though I know that he is basically insecure.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes to all you say!

[@lindac6919]

"I'm just trying to help." Oh, I see, thank you. Do you really think you are QUALIFIED to help me? Did you study for this, to help people? Tell me about some of the other people you have helped, how are they doing now? Are you a coach or a psychologist? Are you going to charge me for your help? Tell me how YOU would define my problem. Oh I think you have my problem kind of figured out, but you missed this important factor. Who helps you with your problems? Oh, you don't have any. Then how do you know anything about problem-solving? Don't you need practice to be effective at that kind of thing? Ask them enough questions, and they'll go bother someone else. They don't want to be put on the spot...they want to put YOU on the spot. Practice making up and asking questions. Watch interviewers and lawyers and interrogators...they just keep coming up with questions, and that keeps them in control.

[@mday3821]

My NM loved to say, "I'm just trying to help." That line must be in every narcissistic handbook!

[@jamaalbradley255]

@@lindac6919 🗣️ THIS IS BEAUTIFUL AND have been doing this "inquiring minds want to know" approach to life... When I was a kid I was told Alot when firing off questions to adults WHY ASK WHY ? .... But I'm always trying to understand in order to not be offended 🤔 I get hung up on , screamed at and brutally insulted but I keep the questions coming 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤔🧐🕵🏼‍♂️ AND I ALWAYS CALL THEM OUT ON THEIR INTENTIONS, SOMETIMES EVEN BEFORE IT HAPPENS... I admit that I'm a little wacky in the sense that I Never give up , I WILL NOT STAY DOWN , I accept ALL challenges, I don't lie 🤥🙅🏾‍♂️ ‼️ One day I realized that LYING is very synonymous with RAPE 💯 😬😳🤯... Yooo ya know what one said to me 🗣️ I really don't mean all the stuff I said about you... If any of it were true I wouldn't be dealing with you 🤷🏾‍♂️ I enjoy your conversation, you as a person you're fun and cool 🤔BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY I CAN'T STAND YOU 🎯🎯🎯🎯🤯 #TheyRUNAWAYfromWHYquestionsAndSelfEvaluation #NoGROWTH 🔂🔂

[@kathyfoley397]

How many times he says:" I am only telling you this for your own good".