HOW TO RUIN UR LIFE 101 (I Left Youtube for Over a Year)

if u haven't noticed...it's been a year and six months since i last recorded a youtube video, lol. I never planned for my break to be anywhere even considerably near this long...but, oops, it was.
SECOND CHANNEL: ‪@taylordeanvlogs7088‬
CLICK TO SUBSCRIBE: goo.gl/1GlVxm
TWITTER: / taylorndean
INSTAGRAM: / taylorndean
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this video attempts to take you through the build up of issues I was dealing with in my life and how it all erupted into a year and a half long journey of self discovery. mental health isn't always pretty, and i faced the ugly side of it during my time away. hopefully I can rebuild a platform going forward, thank you to anyone who is interested in seeing where this goes! both to new people and to anyone who has been here through it all! I'm grateful for you :')
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[@limitless4375]

Seriously girl. Like as a decent human being I feel like I need to say, I would accept 5 years without a single video if it means you are recovered and comfortable. I think we all would.

[@Naturebeautifaul]

YES.

[@egg8085]

Yeah pretty much

[@briansniffin2719]

You are never “recovered.” Recovery is a constant ongoing thing. You have to work at it everyday for as long as you remain sober. You don’t just get past an addiction and you’re no longer an addict. You are an addict forever. I didn’t mean for this to sound rude- more educational. I can speak from experience because I am also an addict in recovery have been for the last 4 years. It’s a daily battle and you have to put in the work but it is worth it! But a classic misconception is that one day you’re just cured. That is not true.

[@jessicaflora2066]

You are so Right.

[@jessicaflora2066]

You are so Right.

[@lhaegreenleaf]

The fact people actually tried to sabotage your sobriety is so beyond heartbreaking and infuriating.

[@gc1097]

It really breaks my heart for her 💔 whoever those people are probably don't know what love is. So full of hate 😣

[@solanum6039]

She’s lying.🤡

[@gc1097]

@@solanum6039 tell me why

[@gc1097]

@French Fries how is it her fault for having hateful people on her tail and harassing her while trying to get into recovery? How does someone argue that's her fault?

[@e_not_i]

@@gc1097 well, found those 2 ppl that are harassing her lmfao. These haters have so much time to talk sht about other people and don't even understand the struggle of addiction

[@HeySarahKay]

Jesus, people are literally insane to stalk you like that. I can’t believe how much you went through behind the scenes... so happy to hear you’re getting better and taking the time you need!

[@twinkledinkle3458]

I hope somebody leaks their numbers so we can show them what its like to be evicted from your home 10 times 🙄

[@fenzirulfr]

when I watched your video about your heroin addiction I was deep in a cocaine addiction. But now I am 6 months clean and your video was definitely a moment I remember being like "wow, I need to sort my shit out".

[@aleksandram981]

The scariest thing is cocaine abuse causes a perforated septum which then is known as “coke nose” as your nose starts to collapse in the middle. Yeah, mentally you feel GREAT but the damage it does physically is horrifying. Well done on being clean!! I haven’t done coke since New Years myself 🥳

[@alejandraaguilar9011]

I struggled with my cocaine addiction for a little over a year, during that time I was doing other drugs as well had been for years. But the time I was doing coke I could notice a drastic change. I loved the feeling of all the substances but coke was by far my favorite. It got to the point where it was the only thing I was going on a daily. Got hooked on it when I was with my abusive ex then i got into a relationship with my daughter’s dad and we were doing it together as well. I thankfully stopped in NOV 2019 when I found out I was pregnant at 21. It was a blessing in disguise because in that moment I told myself “I need to sort my life out” I needed to get away from the substances and the people that came with them. I definitely noticed the “coke nose” and other harmful effects of it. Withdrawaling was AWFUL but I stuck it out for my kid. I’m proud of myself for sticking it out and not getting back on anything it was one of the hardest things to do but who knows where I’d be if I kept going on down the road I had been since I was 15. Congratulations on y’all’s sobriety all the hard work and rough days are worth it in the end. Life is more than just drugs 🎉💕

[@alexisavenged6538]

@@alejandraaguilar9011 CONGRATULATIONS!! you really did that! I'm so proud of you all!

[@alexisavenged6538]

@@aleksandram981 congrats!! I'm so glad to hear you're clean!

[@alexisavenged6538]

Congratulations!! It's amazing how we can unintentionally influence people we don't know and be proud of all of you and the hard work it takes to get sober!

[@clarallandrs7799]

So glad you’re back! I’m the girl who left her abusive heroin addict fiancée after finding strength in watching your video! You supported me so much!! Thank you!!! Happy with a good man now who is everything I have ever wanted! 💜💜💜💜💜💜

[@bettedaviseyes6613]

I remember how much that comment meant to her and I truly think your one comment was the thing she needed to see at that moment in time to let her know that she was heading down the right path. I am so happy that you have found true love after all that and didn't give up. I know how hard that can be after being through the trauma of abuse on whatever form. (I've been through it too.) I hope @Taylorndean can see this. 😍 Sorry for the book 😂 sending love and light from a stranger friend

[@hj6507]

YES!!!!!! Congrats!!!! I am so happy to hear. You are amazing 💖💖💖💖 boost this yall so Taylor can see.

[@abilasky27]

Hey !! I read your comment back then!! Congrats ❤️❤️ I'm proud of you ☺️☺️

[@hellsbells1576]

I'm so glad to see this update :-) xxx

[@KatlynJShute]

Oh my god girl so proud of you! I left my abusive ex in 2014 and I am now married to the love of my life who is literally the most incredible human on earth. I’m so lucky to have a man who supports me in my sobriety and encourages my continued recovery. I’m so happy you are doing well. I have often wondered how you were doing.

[@beammeuphailey]

The fact that people really were so obsessed with trying to ruin your life is insane. I'm sorry you went through that, Taylor! Welcome back!

[@mangamama9881]

Just shows that these people actually need help as well because their life must be.... empty

[@theonegamer9180]

It’s actually fair enough that she skipped uploading in 2020 that year was a mess

[@cyanblue5888]

2021 is getting horrible as well

[@theonegamer9180]

@@cyanblue5888 very true

[@kims.spiders]

Couldn't agree more.. F*** 2020. Seriously..

[@iceteeize]

Yeah, if there was a year she wouldn’t upload ofc it would be 2020 I still have some hope for 2021 just to keep going

[@ericcartman8265]

@@kims.spiders yeah fuck 2002

[@GeorgeFarmerStudios]

All the best with your healing, Taylor.

[@puggiepubs]

Mic drop 🥰lol

[@billnye9349]

@@HgRoller ?

[@ShadeThought]

remember: posting someone else's personal information with malicious intent is *illegal* and you could press charges

[@shosha101390]

Maybe she should press charges. Idk I’m not an expert and I don’t know the whole story. But bottom line is it’s not ok and I think she deserves better.

[@ShadeThought]

@@shosha101390 I agree! It sounds like she might have enough evidence from her previous land lords to make a case

[@Heyyy1234_]

She should definitely have animal control hand over the information they have on the individuals and press charges …

[@Sovereignty3]

@@Heyyy1234_ maybe not threw animal control, as they have some legal protections, but the other places could easily pass on those numbers to the police.

[@kaykaysims9461]

I’ve never clicked a video so fast. Girl I’m glad you’re okay

[@touch_shit_run_run_run7810]

Sis/bro same

[@kaykaysims9461]

I legit thought about her almost every day even talked about her with my husband. Just something that has me connected to her, I’m not sure what (other than animals) But my heart was so worried that’s the only way I can describe it y’all.

[@ExoticsLair]

I've been using my iPhone since I started till now. Never even owned a proper camera OR mic, Lol but Welcome back and best of luck, Taylor !

[@robyd]

😅❤️

[@ughugh1011]

Love your videos

[@joshvergara3849]

Giga chad

[@alaynakay3992]

Hey it's you

[@sunnygames8805]

Why is she its her

[@kaylaisapirate]

As a long time viewer I would just like to say that you owe me nothing. I know that such a large number of followers and subscribers seems like so much pressure, but as one of that 2 million I just wanna say that you never have to justify why you aren’t uploading. You are so vulnerable and real with your life struggles and I think it’s amazing that you took a step back when you needed it and I’m so sorry you feel alone during that time. I also wish that everyone could have my perspective but I know that’s unrealistic. But just know that there are many of us that are here when you want to be here and never hold your absence against you. It’s your life and your choices and I always want you to be comfortable with the content you put out - never forced for our benefit. Love you girl ❤️

[@DarkKittycat]

yeah that is true, i loved watching her as well although i do have to say that i became a bit critical when i found out she is an addict, additionally i do think that this is where her abusers/haters come from, they probably think that an addict or a girl that is emotionally unstable and with this specific look is unable in her taking care of all these animals properly. I think that it maybe helps her to know that her haters probably also love animals and that they send the services out of precaution. And if they dont they are just straight on pshychos. Whatever their reasons are, i think that if you are dealing with addiction and emotional instability where it seems like you are struggeling with everyday life you are putting yourself out there to kinda have to deal with those people thinking that you cant deal with that many animals, it sucks but their perspective is not completely stupid. Not to defend them but it always makes me feel better to understand where people are coming from, i absolutely disagree that they made your life such a hell, but maybe its wise to not film these aspects about yourself just to protect yourself from them, or atleast to soften them out on film. I get that you want to be real too and i really love that about you and i really love the real raw stories, but animal care and raw stories of emotional/mental instability and addiction kinda dont go hand in hand because the majority is in fact unable to do that, and for youtube content i think that you will have to pick one out of the 2. And maybe just state that you dont hold any animals anymore, just so that you can keep them and that you can still share your stories and keep doing youtube. Anyways these are just ideas that you can pick or adjust and i hope one of them will help you out. Seriously i really do, and keep in mind that you are a sensitive person and you will have to surround yourself with likeminded people, others that overpower your sensitivity will crush you so stay away from them, that is what an old woman gave me as advice and it really helped me guide. I never turn to people that find themselves soo funny, charming people or narcissicst anymore and my life is a 10000x better now :) and looking back now: they are really not that great as they make themselves look, now they are just a walking commercial to me really

[@elizabethdm7354]

@@DarkKittycat the harassment came way before any mention of addiction whatsoever

[@JamesMarriott]

best of luck on your comeback :)

[@fish6102]

omg hi ✌️

[@kan50805]

Bruh who are uuuuu wtfff

[@cutiepie2350]

Hi james 💖

[@utatwt8688]

OMG hello I didnt expect James to be here

[@utatwt8688]

@@fish6102 His the James Marriot. His a funny guy check out his videos.

[@crystallee1503]

As a recovering heroin addict myself I could never ever ever imagine dealing with the people you have had to deal with. These people are pathetic!! To go as far as getting someone kicked out of a sober living house shows more about them. And they continue to hide behind a phone and computer bc there so damn pathetic. God I hate social media sometimes.

[@anniek3866]

Wishing you all the best in your recovery There's always a way up

[@TYTaurusLens]

Wishing you all the best in recovery!! You got this! 💪❤

[@crystallee1503]

Thank you both!! 💕

[@babyshea89]

I'm 17 months SOBER/CLEAN TODAY off of Hydromophine....It really has been a rough year and a lot of bad days, but also a lot of good days I will continue to push threw everyday as best as I can, but not gonna lie and I'm sure A LOT of you can relate that this whole COVID-19 thing really has not helped much AT ALL!!! So to everyone out these please stick together and stay strong, stay safe and everything will hopefully work out the way it is supposed to weather or not COVID is a thing or not......so stay positive, stay strong, stick together (within the rules of COVID) and stay safe!!!

[@crystallee1503]

@@babyshea89 congratulations on your sobriety! Keep pushing along and yes! Covid has really been testing us for sure but we got this!!!

[@clairelarson9741]

As you start up YT again, I suggest turning off the comments so you can just focus on the content and having fun knowing that it is just for you. A lot of You Tubers who get a lot of hate do this and they say it really helps. I love you and can’t even prosess the fact that I can see your face again🤗

[@therabbithat]

i think hire a PA to filter them for you. They pick out the pieces of kind constructive criticism like what she mentioned in the video, like, i dunno "I read a thing about sweet potato making dogs sick" i dunno, just an example, and read out some of the love and give an overall impression of how the video went down.

[@SquishtheGeneral]

Why on earth did people put this much effort into harassing you when you were trying to recover…… that’s insane

[@shafaiyetraad7605]

People are savages this people don’t have any humanity in them and the common sense

[@jasminejoy5485]

literally though, it's likethey are reading a book upside down...

[@Mauve222M]

Psychopaths - only someone with no soul could be so heartless, cruel and obsessive

[@_JustJoe]

Because they’re miserable assholes with nothing better to do

[@kiraalii]

@@Mauve222M please, while i do understand your intentions. my sister is a diagnosed psychopath, and she is NOT like this, please dont group all sociopaths and/or psychopaths with those who have bad intentions 🖤

[@negris5805]

That’s absolutely crazy how hard people searched just to find and harass you.. anyways I’m so happy for you and your progress!

[@rosiejolly6284]

Yeah wtffff?! So weird.😳

[@VeahaB]

I'm so happy you're back. I'm happy that you left the internet for a while to work on yourself. I'd check your account from time to time just to see if you'd posted anything. You're one of my favorite KZbinrs and you're videos bring a smile to my face. I'm so sorry you had to go through so much the past couple years. I'm proud of you for coming this far and feeling like yourself again. I'm excited to see what's next for you 😊❤

[@tubelessdino6632]

I missed her so much, and I'm glad to know that she's doing okay.

[@_JustJoe]

@@tubelessdino6632 same

[@Keig0.mp4]

Im so happy shes okay T-T Also hello dabi fan

[@itscatoclock6865]

Well that makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who watches mha lol

[@airi101]

Same 😭💖

[@kassidymurphy1158]

Your story hits me hard, my mom passed away from a heroin over dose when I was just 13 years old. I used to be so mad at her for being an addict and choosing it over me. You have given me a new outlook on everything and a look inside of what she might have been feeling like. This has allowed me to forgive her, and i thank you 🖤

[@taoutdoors8110]

Girl, missing one day isn’t going to kill us, please take care of yourself!!!

[@kateg3819]

it was a joke she made since she hasn’t been on yt in a year haha

[@hayleybeatrice]

@@kateg3819 im pretty sure OP is also joking x

[@hailee2279]

@@kateg3819 they were joking too

[@amandabudd5614]

I never realized how intensely people harassed you. I can’t imagine how awful someone has to be to continue to strategically go after someone in rehab and in a fragile mental state and think that’s acceptable behavior. I am so sorry that happened to you.

[@dorisbain9281]

alot of youtubers have openly talking about people comeing to there homes or job ect.

[@amandabudd5614]

@@dorisbain9281 True, but analyzing floor plans and hotel room decor to try and get someone kicked out of rehab and ruin their life is totally at a new level in my opinion

[@dorisbain9281]

@@amandabudd5614 i know people have no life

[@TheKRGS]

@@dorisbain9281 psychopaths, if you ask me

[@monkey6547]

@@amandabudd5614 they really must have such a sad life. talk about extreme crab mentality on their side.

[@briannadilldine452]

it genuinely breaks my heart to hear you discuss how you lost yourself as a person through that time period in your life. It’s so disgustingly relatable that it’s hard to hear another human talk about their own personal experience with it, and i’ve followed you for years, so I watched this decline of your happiness happen. No one should ever have to feel like they need to alter themselves for anyone else, i’m so sorry!

[@bobbyknox9258]

You didn't get nearly 2 million subs for your 'perfect' content. They are there for YOU AND your content. Don't over think them. Soo glad your back. Loving your look

[@nummers6337]

I can't believe there are people out there who would get someone kicked out of a sober living facility, that's heinous.

[@mangamama9881]

I agree! Like... who thinks "hey that person is in a sober living... let's make them feel worse and try to sabotage them being sober"

[@elliejean7715]

As a recovering addict with a life and story similar to Taylor’s, I know first hand that when you’re in that place almost all people literally become *physically AND mentally unable* to take care of themselves, never mind others. The fact that you were even able to give your *animals* the basic care, let alone very specific exotic pet care is a testament to your character, regardless of trivial debatable pet care mistakes that SOO many people make. You’re a strong person Taylor, and I’m proud of you.

[@agneserin]

1000% agreed

[@Val-kp6fs]

Yea it’s amazing. When I was in my addiction I had a babygirl pit & she was just the sweetest dog. I ended up having to put her down when she was 2 due to health issues that she was born w. I still hate myself sometimes just knowing I missed all that time w her. It was all I could do to barely care for her adequately. Yes I fed her & all but she didn’t get the attention she deserved as a puppy. I can’t imagine caring for multiple animals like she did during that time. I mean it’s all we can do to shower every few days when you’re strung out much less care for animals like they deserve.

[@_JustJoe]

I wish you the best on your journey!

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Exactly this! I think in a way I can relate in that I have major depression, anxiety, and ptsd upon ptsd. I feel like I can’t do anything for myself sometimes but I still drag myself to get my dogs food and water and cuddle them and try to play with them even if I had to throw the toys while I was laying on the ground.

[@oliviavasalani4851]

best birthday present ever! you got me into fish over 4 years ago and now i’m going into marine biology, i love you so much! so happy your back

[@bethm5791]

Dude that’s ridiculous that you posted a selfie with a pool table and they googled it and still found you. You really need to call the police. Truly. This is next level stalking at this point.

[@MA-zg2pz]

Yes, she needs a private detective or something to find out who these insanely obsessive ppl are.

[@5050TM]

Yes, they can collect the numbers from animal control, make a police report, and ask for retraining orders based on harassment.

[@r3allyr3agan]

She needs to start a case over this! These people are stalking and harassing her and hurting her recovery.

[@simmvfan]

Sadly this is much more common with “internet” famous people. There are large twitch streamers, like XQC, who was being swatted constantly - like almost daily - to the point it caused him horrible anxiety and nightmares and eventually moved in with friends before finding a new house to try to keep his privacy and peace of mind. People are fucking weird.

[@therabbithat]

@@MA-zg2pz there's a famous youtuber with an eating disorder. Her fans who want to "help" her tracked down all her friends and abused them and told them they were enabling so that she is now completely isolated. They have threatened her extended family so they are afraid to talk to her. If she even mentions talking to anyone that person gets abused for being friends with her instead of grabbing her and forcing her to "get help" (which would be illegal). As a result her eating disorder is getting worse because she has no coping mechanisms, everything gets taken away from her by "fans". How is someone supposed to recover if you do everything you can to isolate them and destroy their hobbies?

[@elena_1776]

Can't imagine what has to happen inside your head to stalk and torment a random person. Those people are horrifying.

[@naomidolsen2398]

That’s exactly what I’m thinking. That is ridiculous and insane.

[@dekomazuda4068]

the videos may have been removed by now but there were other youtubers I know for a fact fueled the fire in Taylor's harassment. And I hope their channels get called out and they are made to take responsibility for her harassment.

[@ellexarden]

@@dekomazuda4068 breexotics or whatever her name is

[@amberleel0l]

Literally the whole time she’s talking about it I’m like “wtf is wrong with people?! Like seriously nothing better to do???”

[@dunkblunk6045]

The fact that those people tracked down where you lived based on like miscropic details is like CSI levels of fuckery. Great to hear about how your recovery is going and wishing you and your animals nothing but the best ⚘

[@tayloralexandra9507]

People are absolute nutcases.

[@anserinfernus5535]

If only they used their powers for good.

[@NicoleMP885]

Fr like how much of a loser do you have to be to go that far to ruin someone's life, someone who you NEVER met, someone who you never talked to, someone who doesn't even know you, like honestly how horrible of a person do you have to be??

[@Ecanbee]

Some of y’all are actual monsters. Purposely sabotaging someone’s recovery is a low I cannot imagine stooping to.

[@JoselleSings]

Its inhumane, like how hateful must you be to push someone who is struggling to get help? 😡

[@RandomPaine]

@Fug KZbinr So in your mind needlessly Swatting her with animal control and harassing her landlords until they evict her is holding her accountable? How is either of those things "holding her accountable"? How do you imagine that those things would be helpful a person trying to regain their feet when they stumble?

[@i_5695]

@Fug KZbinr why should she not have them? Animal control has found nothing wrong *many* times. How much more confirmation do you need?

[@ComatoseCutiee]

@Fug KZbinr hey there pal - animal owner and depressed person here - animals often help us recover because they’re not cruel or judgemental as humans, I’ve struggled to take care of myself before but I will NEVER neglect an animal, I’ve fed my animals/taken care of them and actually gone as far to bake treats for them when I couldn’t even find the motivation to feed myself or do basic things like shower for a few days. Just because she was going through a rough time it clearly doesn’t reflect how she treated her animals, it’s not enabling someone if they aren’t doing anything wrong. Taylor takes care of her animals, people making calls and harassing her is horrible. You don’t know her life or the conditions, neither do I. We have no right to judge her. You’re not important enough for your opinion on other people to be taken seriously, stop pretending like you are.

[@strawlesberry]

@Fug KZbinr oh so now following her and leaking her address and trying to make her homeless when she is trying to change and be better is now "holding ppl accountable" please go outside

[@kadeelove2267]

Recovery looks great on you. From one addict to another; clean time does not equal recovery. Always remember that. Recovery is not linear. I love you! Good luck!

[@wildside306]

'the growing was ugly' - When others give you the words you've looked for.

[@blueash4545]

Facts 👏😅

[@walkwithlune]

That was one of my favorite quotes from this video

[@chelseapelletier4983]

So powerful. 100% needs to be a tattoo

[@aspen9928]

Exactly!

[@afraiddarling5448]

“I can’t do a ten hour video” even if you did, I’m sure we’d still watch it, because we care. And we wanna hear what you have to say and what you want to say. And if others might not, okay that’s them, but I know I would.

[@kime.4116]

Perioddddtttt

[@bccarla1]

Same here

[@lulaw9723]

So true

[@moddedmomma]

Amen. This is how I felt

[@galactic_geckos3263]

I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU YESTERDAY TAYLOR, YOU CANT STOP YOUR DAILY POSTS ALL OF A SUDDEN- lol but fr, I’m sooo glad you’re ok, and it makes me really happy that you’re back:)

[@Alexandra_Wolf]

Same!

[@mahreenmirza]

Honestly, I love this girl and how genuine and authentic she is. I hope you know that you don't owe anyone anything other than giving yourself the ultimate love that you deserve. Taylor you are a strong angel, we are all so proud of you for being so so strong

[@hsaadeera]

i cant even imagine what you were going through. it’s so terrible that people would go so far to harass you while you were just trying to recover. i’m so glad you’re back and doing okay.

[@amandarocha6358]

your heart is so incredibly large, it is obvious how much of a genuine person you are. I am so sorry for the struggles you went through, people are so cruel. I wish you truly the best in life within what we see online but also the life away from the internet. You deserve good things.

[@YoMama9021]

You mean people CAN be cruel.

[@miyukiwynter885]

What gets me the most and has bothered me this whole time is that people were hating on her claiming they believed her animals were being abused or neglected, mainly because of her mental health and the addiction situation. Then when she finally acknowledged it and starts making steps to heal (which would in turn also have great benefits for her animals) they stopped her from getting better any way they could. They never cared about the health of her animals. They only hated her and wanted to see her miserable. Taylor, you are still so young. You've made mistakes but you've also learned so much. I'm glad to see you finally feeling comfortable with yourself again and even though I don't know you and you don't know me I'm proud of you for accomplishing what you have so far. For every garbage person that hates you, there's so many more that you have made smile. You have your whole life ahead of you! Do what you love!

[@Pieceofchocolate1]

they wanted the animals to actually go to someone who could care for them. sorry, but the animals shouldn’t have to summer while she takes her time to heal.

[@miyukiwynter885]

@@Pieceofchocolate1 but she did have people helping her take care of them. She did re-home a lot of them that she knew she and her helpers couldn't handle.

[@courtneya-b382]

@@Pieceofchocolate1 Wach the whole video 😐

[@stellacashman8614]

@@Pieceofchocolate1 Even if she was as guilty as people were claiming she was, it's no fucking excuse for people to stalk and harass her. Tf is wrong with you?

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Exactly this. Also, she had an assistant helping with their care?? If all she could do was take care of them and do drugs and sleep, it always seemed like she still prioritized her animals. It wasn’t the best situation, but the amount of hate she got is insane. There are so many more people in the world who own animals and have no idea what to do with them, and stalking Taylor doesn’t do anything for those animals. It doesn’t do anything but risk her relapsing or dying.

[@joakimnilsson4513]

Depression is a hard to fight, it can be long, it can be short. Been watching your channel for years now, and I see you have a passion to your animals and the work you put out on them. Its unfair that you have been misstreated so badly. I wish you all the support in the world and hope you get well soon

[@christiangarcia5198]

Her vulnerability shows how strong she is as a person.

[@maddiejennett3744]

This is so weird bc a recurring thought in my head for the past few months has been "i hope taylor nicole dean is doing good" and here you are, so happy to see you again!!! ❤️❤️

[@georgiepeejo-weejo7924]

I LOVE YOU TAYLOR MY OFFER STILL STANDS ON A FRIENDSHIP SUBMISSION

[@GirMommie20]

Taylor you need to focus on yourself, the whole time I was looking at your eyes how they are so watery. Please take care of yourself, stop worrying of your videos being perfect. I think we can all agree that we want the best for you, for you to get better and live the life you deserve. Take all the time you need be surrounded by everyone that loves and cares about you. You are worthy.

[@sarahcoffin9776]

Oh my goodness. “Sorry I missed yesterday’s upload”😂😂😂😂 welcome back Taylor

[@jessicacarlock9649]

Yesterday’s Lol

[@jaquanpowell4605]

I’m currently going through major depression so I understand just laying in bed staring at the walls. Glad your doing better Taylor

[@bumblebee_04]

Hope you will start feeling better soon too 💞

[@hj6507]

Sane bro, hope things start improving for you soon. Youre important.

[@percabethisawesome1163]

I’m sorry you’re going through such a shit thing :( take your time to feel better! take care

[@jaquanpowell4605]

Thank you guys for the comments 🤲🏾🤲🏾

[@itsalexilixyt740]

God Bless!

[@toniwatts9866]

This felt like the most genuine video you’ve ever made. I’m here for it. I wish you nothing but the best for your future.

[@DamnitJeff]

Completely agree!

[@SweetTrees]

Just watched your documentary on Vice and sobbed. I remember watching you from the very beginning and I just want to say how PROUD I am of you. I'm just a random Canadian in her 20's that you'll probably just scroll by but I am so thankful for you. You have SO much strength and it's extremely admirable....x

[@kunaal_1928]

bestie it’s nearly 2 in the morning here and I was literally just about to go to sleep but your notification came up on my phone and my thumb clicked on it before I could even think

[@tigerraerae3082]

sleep please lmao

[@MsPeanutzzz]

Same but it's almost 3 😅 gotta stay awake now

[@forevermarked5826]

Damn its only 8:57pm here in east coast USA

[@MsPeanutzzz]

@@forevermarked5826 I'm in germany 😊

[@smridhichhabra9923]

SAME OMG ! I’m so glad she’s back. 💕

[@catrinaashton410]

Hey girl, I'm coming up on 3 years sober, This whole thing is possible, we DO recover and I believe in you. One day at a time, and I promise it gets easier, Focus on you, fuck what everyone else thinks. As long as you are doing the best you can its good enough

[@Emzotic]

Welcome back, Taylor! The space hasn’t felt the same whilst you were away, but it’s truly wonderful to have you back and to see you doing so well. We’re all so proud of you. Keep up your amazing evolution. You’ve got this!! Edit - I’m at 17 minutes into the video and my god... I’m so, so sorry Taylor. I know I’ve been rotten to you in the past, and I was a bully and a coward on lolcow back when I was severely hurting and damaged (and I will never stop apologizing for that) but I had no idea that so many people were affecting your life to the point that you had to move, leave sober living and even worry about the freaking bed frames in your hotel... Some people really, REALLY need to get help. I’m so sorry I ever contributed to your hurt, Taylor. But I’m proud of us both for escaping horribly abusive relationships and doing what it takes to get ourselves to better places. I’m so proud of you, Taylor. You are a true queen, and i simply cannot wait to see what remarkable things you’ll go on to achieve. Believe it. It’s just the beginning for you ❤️

[@Zee0325]

It truly is wonderful to see her back and doing well🥰💖

[@kan50805]

What if she is still on heroin I hope not, I saw someone say it is easy to tell on her Instagram but idk

[@allycarroll1647]

@@kan50805 just don’t ok girl 💁‍♀️

[@veledwin1]

@@kan50805 people like you are what the "delete comment" button is for

[@zz9823]

@@kan50805 leave lmao.

[@aliceblackstone1043]

There’s a special place in hell for people who would stalk someone in a damn halfway house.

[@rufousdederp]

I completely agree. It was so infuriating to listen to her talk about it. Not that she was talking about it but that she had to go through that living hell 😠

[@Mauve222M]

I can’t believe people would be so cruel to harass someone in recovery it’s sick!

[@gokcenurkapan8506]

Imagine being lifeless enough to stalk someone for hours just to make them annoyed/sad and continue doing it for months/years. Some people really needs help

[@laquilamarie8032]

Seems like someone doing stuff like that has mental issues that is not a thing that a normal person would want to or try to do

[@_JustJoe]

@@laquilamarie8032 Not an excuse tho

[@gracebradley3783]

I’m so proud of you, remember recovery isn’t linear, it’s ups and downs, but it’s consistent❤️I love you never forget how amazing you are.

[@bloxybillie5949]

dude holy shit i screamed when i saw that Taylor posted JESUS we missed you queen, welcome back, and best of luck on your recovery journey

[@humbleturnips]

Holy shit. How do people have that much time and energy to dig that deep into someone else’s life?? The people who stalked you that hard are sick in the head and need serious help. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. You did not deserve it at all.

[@Xannah]

I hate that they went the extra mile to dox her like wth

[@kass_G59]

It’s absolutely insane to me the lengths people will go. The fact that they looked up sober living houses with pool tables?? Like what. They’re OBSESSED. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that

[@strawberryblaze3292]

Honestly it’s one thing to be genuinely concerned for the well being of a person or their animals, but how much of a good person are you to continue to call when there are other animals that are actually being abused, calling over and over, getting someone evicted from their home from constant calls to animal control even after they have found no evidence of abuse.... like they were trying so hard to paint someone as a bad person while looking absolutely horrible themselves.

[@KristineS73]

Its really disgusting! It costs sooo much money to move when its planned nevermind when your blindsided. I had no idea people would go to those lengths all out of jealousy lets be real here. She has never endangered ANY ANIMAL. Ill always have Taylors back😤👊

[@blobbertmcblob4888]

@@KristineS73 Some of her animals literally died because she couldn't take care of them because she was too busy being passed out high from shooting up heroine, what the hell are you talking about?

[@hanjxo2746]

@@blobbertmcblob4888 found one of them. bro stop spreading misinformation you absolute pathetic excuse for a human being. quit being obsessed with her and focus on people who are ACTUALLY mistreating their fcking animals.

[@caseyshaw99]

Makes me so mad for her. I can't imagine knowing these people who hate you can hold so much power over you. Someone needs to find out who these people harassing her are. I'm gonna try to look on all the gossip forums. If she knew who they were she could get a restraining order.

[@andywilson9544]

I went through a really horrific break-up and was dealing with some pretty bad health issues when I first found your channel and I just want you to know that your videos and vlogs brightened my days and helped me get through some of my most intense depression and anxiety episodes I've had. You are doing good. You are a good person. You in no way deserved the hell that the KZbin community put you through.

[@milarandal2260]

"im just learning as I go right now" You couldn't have said it better girl. That statement alone shows so much accountability and growth. Go Taylor! We are still watching and rooting for you.

[@ashleyl.8447]

“Your mental illnesses don’t define you” - Taylor Nicole Dean. Love you Taylor ❤️so happy you are better.

[@fish6102]

You’re literally so strong. Don’t worry about being absent for a bit, I’m just glad you’re feeling a bit better.

[@ameyalirivera]

For a whole day

[@micaelad2527]

Taylor, when I was younger and was introduced to you, you made me look up to you as a sister. My parents aren't pet lovers yet I was always interested in those "creepy animals" that you've shown, even begged on my knees to my parents to buy me a snake because of how cute toast is. This is my Valentines to you for being someone to look up too(also bc you are a beautiful human being). Even growing up seeing cheese made my day. While growing up I was going threw depression for the fact of not accepting my sexual orientation or myself completely for that matter, I owe it all to cheese and toast for giving me serotonin. Hearing you and knowing you are healing and making process inspires me to also keep going. As well as hearing you in 2019 when I had my depression made me understand to also heal and throw the negativity to continue with my life also made me do therapy to cure those deep wounds. I hope you are also making huge process in healing as it did to me though our situations though are situations are very different we have one thing in common and that is to heal. For you to know, I've began running in a track team again, and built up my relationship with my parents as now I can trust them with anything. Thank you so much and Happy (early) Valentines. *attaches 100 red roses to this comment*

[@nadiuhh98]

The stalking part made me sooooo uncomfortable I can't imagine not being able to post a flick because someone could recognize the potted plant in the background 😫

[@racheljones6687]

I’m a recovering addict i was on drugs most of my teen year and I also relapsed in 2020 with the pandemic I felt terrible and thought I wasn’t worthy of being clean so I completely understand where you’re coming from I’m now four months sober so I believe in you

[@april-vq2mh]

Congrats on your progress 👏🏼 you've come so far!!

[@jaykennedyy]

We love you!❤️

[@mottoe2428]

@PlumberGasfitter old timer buy a dictionary and find the meaning of the word funny

[@_JustJoe]

@PlumberGasfitter 4gay 💀

[@squishmallows629]

4jay and Taylor would make a cute couple just saying. But your not technically supposed to date until you have been like 1 year sober.

[@Spartacus_Snakeplissken1]

Monkey is bute.

[@contessaharrison5249]

G

[@ingridkrauskopf4341]

I first found your channel when I was a very depressed suicidal teen, and your videos and your animals always made me smile :) You've always brought me joy and I love to see that you're back at it again and so much healthier than before

[@smoochiepieable]

I’m so sorry your were harassed. That’s something you should have never had to put up with. Your safety is important and so is your mental health. I hope for only good things to come to you.

[@hailzmelv]

TAYLOR - the editing like 30 minutes in has me laughing my ass off, so thank you. And it’s fucking gold, great to have you back, post whatever you want whenever you want.

[@bambilanz]

Been clean 3 years. Took me 8 years to do it. Go to meetings go to therapy healthy friends only. You are not alone!!!! One day at a time and dont forget to forgive yourself and give yourself a break. You are worth it. And find a sponser, one you can TRULY open up to and who will call you on your shite. Good luck hun 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[@taylorstafford9164]

THAT IS SO AMAZING! That is a huge step. You're amazing.

[@kittikat_]

Congrats on your sobriety! Your so strong! 5 years for me, and I still can’t believe I made it this far. I don’t know you, but I would like to say I’m very proud of you! I don’t think us addicts who manage to sober up and stay sober hear it enough! If you can get through addiction, you can get through anything 💕

[@KattReen]

Well done!

[@akailafart]

so proud of you, congrats on 3 years

[@marleyrutherford1745]

Girl, many people are out here who still care and love you. We have all been waiting for your next video to come out, to see that you were still there and we love you, no matter what.

[@ElementTF2]

this channel has become less of an animal channel and more of a "being happy with who you are and self positivity" channel and that's some good shit

[@guywithoutamustache3056]

Mhm

[@virginiacolin9673]

And we’re here for that good shit 🤍🖤

[@rykking]

fr

[@ciaburri6159]

I don't know why but I feel weirdly attached to Taylor and her content in a way I don't usually feel with youtubers. I'm so happy she's doing better.

[@ktaghst3202]

I feel it’s because she’s not afraid to take her time, be herself and be human. She’s opening up to us, she’s being raw and real. And that’s what creates bonds. She’s been through so much it’s relatable. I feel the same way about her.

[@junohemmingsen6604]

Same. She makes things more tolerable in life. I'm so glad shes back

[@kristiathehalfling5358]

Because its raw and real. And just like life its not pretty or edited. Thats what i love about her. I went from seeing her back when she first started. We were there when she was at her worst. And now im proud of the women she has become.

[@Yourlocalvamp13]

I’m a recovering addict and also a reptile mom, even on my small reptile Instagram people will give me hate for specific care so I can relate on a small scale. Thanks for uploading again :)

[@lindseydorsey9603]

Thank you for your bravery, and this video really made me feel less alone with the constant and intense struggles of fighting anxiety and depression, self hatred/ insecurity. I love any content from you you're so unique and one of a kind spreading the kindness you have. Do and be your genuine self

[@Andrea-zu6sq]

I haven't finish watching the whole video yet but wow.. the extent that people are willing to go to just to mess with someone they don't even know personally just amazes me. I'm sorry that you had to go through that Taylor, it sucks

[@bonniekrause3300]

how incredibly brave to be this open and vulnerable with the internet especially after how it’s treated you. been following you for years because I also love animals and it’s nice to see you being your genuine self again. best of luck with your comeback & recovery. you got this & your supporters got you. 🖤

[@marcelmercieux]

And you are beautiful too Bonnie

[@azuradawn5683]

@@marcelmercieux And you are creepy too Marcel.

[@marcelmercieux]

@@azuradawn5683 who asked you?

[@zilch7116]

1 day doesn’t hurt anyone, welcome back. Take as much time as you need!

[@Mingukkie13]

I'm glad your back girl. My sister is a crazy fan of you and she's only 12. I hope you recover completely and have a very happy life hereafter. 😊

[@hannahtfdthbkktffrd]

I’m also 12 (: ik nobody cares but still idk- lol

[@Zee0325]

OMG!!!! SHE'S BACK, IK SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH A LOT AND THE FACT THAT SHE HAS POWERED THRU JUST SHOWS HOW STRONG SHE TRULY IS💪NEVER GIVE UP LUV YA AND WELCOME BACK 🥰🎉😘💖

[@kazzoey9164]

Imagine being such a genuinely horrible person that you see someone struggling and decide to make it *worse* for them. They clearly didn’t even care about her animals, seeing as they literally *made stuff up* in order to what? Make said animals homeless? Make their owner homeless and much less capable of caring for said animals? These people just wanted to see someone, and their pets, suffer.

[@mangamama9881]

This is literally what I thought after seeing hate on her I actually feel sad for the people who did this to her... They are such miserable people and most likely have such an empty life that they just try to feel amazing by destroying others... They are sad beings and will always be way worse and way more dead inside than the people they attack..

[@Dee-zx9zm]

Actually I’m pretty happy cause I see nothing but support on here to be honest and I love it ! 😍 ✨empathy✨

[@mangamama9881]

@@Dee-zx9zm I just got sick seeing this hate against her when these people don't even know her in real life or don't have any proof to support that they might know her And I know some of her mental problems myself which is why I will support her

[@2madpaddys913]

I genuinely feel sorry for her. So much that resonates with me in her story about addiction.. If the girl needs space I just subscribed and can wait until she is ready..

[@brokeman5141]

@Dakota Matos that’s all it is

[@JessicaKent]

Love the lipstick! Welcome back 😊🖤

[@bettedaviseyes6613]

🖤🖤🖤🖤

[@Leslieeeezss]

My two favorites omg

[@illogicalclover]

omg it’s Jess yes my queens

[@taylorndean]

Thank you angel!!! 🥰

[@Cookie-kv2zk]

Iv never seen a black lipstick in my local stores all i see is some shades of red pink and purple

[@fenzirulfr]

I was diagnosed with BPD at the beginning of the year at the age of 27. But I'm finally getting the help I need and it's getting better :)

[@breanna7630]

I just wanted you to know that eventhough I am a random person, i would randomly think of you and wonder how you were doing every so often and if you were ok. Then I would check Twitter only to find you making jokes about random things lol and it would make me happy to know at least you were ok. Little did I know. But I am so glad you are back now and I’ve wondered about you so much and missed you lol. Missed a random person on the internet lol, but you know how it feels if you watch other youtubers that you feel “close to” or “connected to”. We have missed you! We need your genuineness, it’s been great when you have been and much more relatable too. Staying honest is the best thing you can do and I’m glad you are!

[@jmxx77]

I did this too!

[@samj3749]

I 100% relate to this and you worded it perfectly!

[@barbarat67]

This is exactly how I felt.

[@holly5648]

oh my god youre the first person i’ve ever heard say that being bored makes your head go all sorts of places and i really really appreciate you saying that. i thought i was the only one. i’m so thankful for you. thank you

[@coweenuhm9662]

My dad used to tell me a wandering mind is the devils playground!

[@savannahlthorne]

I was in a relationship just like that, and came out with an addiction, and have been negotiating my sobriety and my shame and guilt for a few years, too! And oh my god I’m only just now getting to a point where I can say “yeah, okay, it does get better”. Listening to you say this really helped me and really comforted me and I think you’re really brave and I am really inspired by this vulnerability

[@coopergates9680]

I'm sorry and glad you escaped. Are you doing alright now?

[@cominginhot1]

suboxone saved my live as well as my fmily

[@anniek3866]

Stay strong! We're proud of you

[@mugoner7120]

I just want to say how happy your story makes me. I heard about your story when I was in my addiction, then again in my recovery. One addict to another, your resilience is extremely inspirational to me. Keep your head up and keep going!! One day at a time

[@sia7001]

The nerve of some people! I can't imagine how you coped through so many things. I hope you realise how strong you are 💕

[@yeah9720]

i’m so sorry the house calls situation happened that’s disgusting

[@ariamanning7921]

I literally just googled her to make sure she was doing okay 😭😭😭

[@SimpForChrisB]

Same

[@sierraeli862]

I looked up her channel yesterday.... then this popped up.

[@jasminehoang5207]

Bro same

[@avafaghani2723]

you definitely don’t remember me but one day i commented on your video about how hermit crabs are always abused any you made a video about it the next day and liked my comment and i was so happy! i’ve followed you for 4 years now and i really wish you the best!! you got this, we’ll always be here for you :)

[@DailyLauren99]

i’m so so proud of you for uploading on your own accord. this takes dedication and power

[@isassssss]

OMG i wasn’t expecting this

[@garrett4299]

I don’t think any of us were. It’s so relieving

[@nyny.08]

@@garrett4299 Exactly!!

[@kan50805]

Ikr I just saw it there like what?

[@jonathanfleischer8025]

@Farron I love your profile pic!

[@Somnivoid]

Your youtube presence didn't go unnoticed, you were missed. Take care of yourself.

[@Rapidshock98]

Many times where I was in quarantine, layed of work, and sitting in on our days off, thinking where Taylor was. Had covid and spent a whole day watching her very first content. Glad she is back and hope her recovery is going well.

[@gretchen1152]

just so you know you said you want to make people happy and thats your goal ... you did that for me years ago and helped me get through my depression and you make me smile every video u make. welcome back girl it's good to see the REAL you again

[@pj2892]

"the growing was ugly" wow, I've never heard something that described my struggles with disordered eating, abuse, ptsd, anxiety, and depression. I thought when I got out of my abusive situation I would grow and flourish and shine and be great. I though I would be all smiles and sunshine. That's not what it was like at all. I'd argue it was harder went I gout out. The growth is truly gross, and ugly, and HARD! Thank you, for putting words to the struggle. You think recovery will be like coming out of a cocoon as a butterfly. But people forget, that for a butterfly to form, it has to dissolve to a gross mush of liquid inside the cocoon :) lol

[@alexzandrarubino9039]

Currently a dark mush of liquid! Can’t wait to be a butterfly eventually🥰

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

I just had this realization while trying to meditate in therapy, and wound up just abject sobbing and bawling. I thought if I just didn’t look at my injuries they’d heal over time, but the truth was I had to be present for the healing as much as I was for the trauma, and it’s ugly and hard. I don’t like being in my head and body, I don’t like being HERE, and the process of actually building myself back up and processing is so much harder than I ever realized. It’s not beautiful or poetic or deep or inspirational or fun to be around. It’s a slog.

[@giventogrow8533]

Omg yes.

[@giventogrow8533]

@@alexzandrarubino9039 you’ll have the most beautiful wings 🦋

[@clare_eliz]

Woah...... as someone who's been through hell and back around 5 times at this point, I could never find the perfect metaphor

[@manic_girl]

Taylor: never apologize for being gone. You never owe us anything. The only thing you owe is to yourself, to be as happy and sober as you can be 🖤 we are all rooting for you, always

[@shebeans26]

I’ve been a silent supporter since the beginning, I saw you go through all the hard stuff and I’ve been cheering you on through it all. I’m so happy you feel like yourself again and want to share your life with us again.

[@littleredsubmarine]

Don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself, please. Just upload when you feel like it. There is no obligation to us. The only obligation you have is to maintain your wellness and inner peace. Imagine being so hateful and disgusting that you spend your entire day obsessively investigating how to destroy a persons life. Focus on yourself and your own happiness instead of ripping down other people’s. It’s speaks volumes about them, not you, Taylor.

[@bradfrick6916]

We’re not mad at you we all need time.

[@mandaleemilly6367]

How can someone be so miserable that they will devote all their time and energy to destroy the life of a complete stranger?! It’s disgusting. I’m sorry you had to go through this while also trying to get clean and get your life straight.

[@crazycatladyjo2688]

Amen.

[@bfamily6209]

They do this all the time.

[@Shmoopyn]

I still cant believe what I'm hearing in this video

[@heyveegee15]

The world is sometimes cruel, but let is just do our best to make her feel that she is not alone 💕

[@jennamueller4444]

Taylor!! You look amazing! Also- side note: It is really refreshing to finally watch someone on this platform that is so real and doesn't put up a front to make themselves look like they are 100% perfect all the time. (I hope that doesn't sound bad) I can't wait to see what life has in store for you next! :)

[@matieurod752]

8:33 , Taylor, I think I honestly speak for US ALL in saying ,,, WE WILL & DO CARE , ALOT & ALWAYS! don’t ever completely quit uploading, you’re an angel 💯💪🏻❤️🙏🏼