How to set boundaries with Indian families & friends?

Setting boundaries in the Indian setup is complicated. There is no concept of personal space and society functions on collectivism rather than individualism. We are expected to be flexible and accommodating in order to maintain peace in the family and because we're guilted into doing so.
In this video, I share a few steps on how you can set boundaries with Indian parents and how you can move towards being more independent and having autonomy over your own life.
Timestamps:
00:00 I failed to set a boundary
00:48 Have you faced this?
01:28 What are we doing wrong?
02:40 Step 1
03:53 Step 2
05:06 Step 3
05:52 Step 4
06:59 Step 5
08:38 Step 6
10:21 Have you ever set a boundary?
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[@mansivisaria7599]

I am a therapist and setting boundaries is a core of my work... this video is very helpful to my clients... good work..

[@AdeteDahiya]

Super glad it is helpful

[@kc0369]

But one cannot set a boundary if she is financial dependent on the family

[@cupcakedoctor2889]

So there's only one thing to focus on get financially independent asap. Even if it's kinda impossible in the moment, still try your best fight for it to your last breath. Because fighting for your freedom is far better than becoming comfortable being someone's slave .

[@TEMPORARYAccount-yc3io]

She herself is a loser and don't take advice from these losers

[@abhiwagh2312]

​@@kc0369what has financial dependency to do anything with having boundaries. Your to be saas is not going to be some old age annoying aunt you see in tv shows. They are new age and have a more mature understanding of their daughter in law's generation. They are not some old geezers who wouldn't respect your boundaries despite you are earning or not. Also, this is something you need to talk to your husband about as well.

[@cherry-Red06]

I believe setting boundaries in the North is easy than in South india. I went to my grandmas house in Kerala for my higher studies and the South indians have such a close minded mentality that even a ant couldn't go thru. I had very traumatic 2yrs and now I'm planning on living in a hostel for college. U see whenever I tried setting a boundary their reactions were like how u see in old indian serials dhumtanana type. But whoever is trying to make boundaries good luck! And never back down!!

[@AdeteDahiya]

Oh i am sorry to hear that. But also so proud of you for standing up for yourself. It takes guts and courage to do that ❤️

[@user-ey3ke8dx1x]

Hii bro l live in part of central India.livin in my grandparents house now.....just curious to know what sort of problems you were facing !!

[@spytea-c6v]

I believe it's more of a place and generation thing rather than a north or south thing. Like generally younger generations and people in more developed cities tend to be more open minded about these kind of things.

[@Sparklewithspoorthi]

This is a really good way!! After struggling years of being a very diplomatic person, not saying no. It resulted in MOST of the people overstepping boundaries. The whole chaos resulted in me snapping at them or yelling due to having enough. Also hating them but smiling at them.. resulted in losing people and also me leaving some.. only from one year I am practising saying No and MOST people hate me for doing that! But I am at eternal peace 😂 No more internal conflicts or external conflicts! NO and STOP are the most powerful words that can bring you PEACE Also when someone just keeping taunting and augmenting, I used to listen and nod for number of days and react then.. so those people couldn’t take me revolting all of the sudden! But now, I explain to them right away that I can’t endure such personal comments! If they Keep taunting, I get up, walk off physically and I do that every time! And most relatives stopped taunting me. Don’t explain yourself to them! The more info you give, the more they have power on you! Just smile and move on!!! I hope it helps someone 😄😄

[@toochubbyforu3870]

I recently started following your channel and gladly feeling so damn good that I've been making right decisions for myself these days ☺️

[@parasaramraksana3330]

Your channel is good and very much needed for youth these days... thank you and more power to you❤

[@kathakalidas4029]

Omggg❤lots of love to you for picking up such relatable topic and discussing it with us which I'm sure we all face a lot. I used to face this things a lot..not from everybody but there's certain persons who used to do this..but yaa everytime i listen to them and do whatever they told going against my own will..it always been so bad experiences that at the end of the day everytime i scolded myself for agreeing to whatever they told me to do..later when i realised that this thing cannot happens repeatedly like this way..i started giving my ownself at the top most priority..if I'm not feeling doing something i'll not do it..that's it. You cannot be at everybody's goodlist.. so sometimes for your own sake it's better to be selfish for yourself ❤

[@Asma_khan817]

Thanks you so much for such a valuable video ✨

[@433sanjanakanwar3]

This video was much needed..Thanks❤

[@MeditateWithRishi]

Extremely well thought out video and solutions given.

[@rajasimuley367]

I wanted to start setting a boundary for myself and hence came to this video I never realized that i've sub-consciously been doing it just fine... Great stuff

[@JCGuitarTonez]

Thank you so much dear for the valuable advices ❤️

[@krishanusengupta7710]

Thanku for your thoughts on boundary. I really can't say to literally anybody now I have to learn it.

[@sanyamjain3913]

Thank you so much for making such a beautiful, informative video I really love the way u explained each & every thing in such a calm and peaceful way 👌👌🥰🥰🙏🙏😇😇💖💖😊😊

[@SwetanshuSubhrajit]

This was so needed ❤

[@sakshichadha2893]

I don't feel guilty when I have set my boundaries guilty tb feel hota h muje jab m nahi karti hu regret hota hai

[@dhrutiman24]

As an trovert, I can relate to every point. Adete mam you have saved me.

[@sohamagrawal6227]

thank u adete youve helped a lot

[@tanviyamudi5873]

Right now I am facing such problems with my parents. And you have rightly pointed out the feeling of guilt or shame. Please make more such videos.

[@Hhhh-nt5vp]

@@ZoldicsDiaries Just because parents provide you with basic needs doesn't means that you aren't allowed to say anything 😂😂 Yes, it is true that parents take care of us, provide us with shelter and stability, but that really isn't everything that is needed to raise children. Parents are also required to meet the child's emotional needs too, this also includes listening to the child's request. for example: if a mother is pressuring her daughter into taking dance lessons even if she doesn't wants to, then it is the mother's job to listen to her daughter.. Agar woh sunne ko teyar nahi hogi then it will just lead to arguments and a bad relationship between both the mother and daughter :/ "West" ke ideologies lena bura nahi hai because it also has some good ones which we can apply to our lives. Hope you understand.

[@jyotimeena7656]

Yaar this video is really amzing 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 Loved your content👌🏻👌🏻 Keep going 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[@abhishekdigga4427]

I can relate every word you say feeling same

[@chandnigirija9236]

Absolute gold!

[@shimitarudra4705]

I just finished watching the first min of your video (the intro) and to be honest to me it sounds more like - This is a classic example of you working your ass off, without a break, and accusing a meet-up with a friend as the reason for you having to take a break. It's a simple but super powerful line that I came across because I too went through something similar on a very serious note where I had to undergo surgery. This line is: If you don't schedule a break, your body will take one for you. And it probably won't be at a convenient time. Unfortunately, I too learned it the hard way. I am yet to watch the rest of the video, but the first minute really depicts that the priority needs to be set. It's important to set boundaries with friends and family AND WORK.

[@AdeteDahiya]

interesting perspective, but I do urge you to watch the rest of the video. Also, I know what you're talking about...thankfully haven't faced health issues but I've been through burnout and i take my breaks very seriously now

[@shimitarudra4705]

Hey! I did watch the rest of the video. Definitely your video answers the context of setting boundaries with people, especially Indian parents/elders/in-laws, etc. It was mainly the intro part that made me feel that sole reason for burn out wasn't the planned meet up with a friend. And glad to hear that you have scheduled breaks now. I guess calls for another video topic on how to set boundaries at work. Not just for employees but also business owners, self- employed individuals.

[@Myjourney459]

Great thought

[@vaishnavibodige8683]

Thanks a lot ❤

[@nikhilkumarpatra8931]

quite insightful!

[@kc0369]

Setting boundaries has only created problems in relationships. My parents yell at me for 2/3 hrs ….kind of torture actually

[@babybear761]

U speak Hindi thank you so much now I understand completely but otherwise I only understand 60%❤

[@Youdont_tellmewhatodo]

You so right , always knew boundaries are necessary but never figured out how to practically apply them as people near would get offended with the lilttlest things and call me rude. I never knew what boundaries were cus i was shamed for it. In indian families yk how these people are. For example- I used was sent to live at a family nembers place due to personal reasons. And my elder cousin sis would force me to show my phone .. i have people pleasing tendencies cuz of my toxic family relations and upbringing .. i couldn't never say NO but i would resist ... I would stand there while she looks throughout it but once i was away she opened my phone forwarding explicit and intimate things off my gallery and some pictures and links on my wp chat and even some songs i had recorded and some extremely personal stuff on my notepad . I had lied to them abt my board results they even forwarded my marksheet without my permission. I was so broken . I was doubted her to suspicious but i found later through some relative she shared it to all . They would forcefully invade my personal space and would say why you are doing eyebrows? Why shaving.. why this why that? As i used to record some self grooming stuff Why wearing such short clothes? No shame? .. but never knew they used forward it without me knowing and deleted off before i could know. How shameful. Can u give me some advice how to deal with extremely judgemental people who take ur littlest assertive response as "rude" and keep grudges against you.

[@user-jy9zv6gn7s]

I Will Share your this video to all female who i know

[@prajaktakulkarni3479]

So beautiful and needed! Feels good coming from an Indian KZbinr

[@FeNO33.9H2O]

Very knowledgeable and nuance video, looks like it's based on your personal experience, truly appreciate your efforts and content and looking forward to see more videos in this series, hope I'm not crossing boundaries 🤣 for asking you to release more videos on this topic

[@AdeteDahiya]

hahaha...not at all. Happy to make more videos on this.

[@apurvagoswami8376]

Keep posting ... Great work 💕

[@AdeteDahiya]

Thank you, I will ❤❤❤

[@shwetashukla918]

Great work

[@ritukumarikushwaha9316]

Adete this video is really many other voices of girls

[@user-ci4ef7hl9w]

i was amazed that she recorded her in 4k

[@--xx--5800]

How to set boundaries with your friends!!!? With whom you want to keep the friendship but still you want to set a boundary with them to refrain them from taking your advantage. I struggle with this a lot 😢😢😢😢 Please someone tell me this 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@jainambhavasar3354]

i dont think they are ur friends ! Get better friends . you deserve

[@--xx--5800]

@@jainambhavasar3354 Yeah I know they are not really my friend. I also don't expect to make them my great friends, I just want to maintain a friendly relation with them so that I don't have to stay alone in the whole school hours which I don't like at all. Apart from them there's no one in my class with whom I can talk to or take notes if I miss school some day. So is it possible to maintain a friendly relation with them also setting boundaries or should I stop fearing to stay alone and leave them ??

[@AdeteDahiya]

It takes a little extra effort, but is doable. What advantage are they taking? If you're comfortable sharing

[@_I_am_AI]

My experience of setting boundries with my roomate were like earlier he used to play song when i used to study and which i don't like at all atleast at the time of studying so we have a very big verbal fight with me he took all my friends and try to be dominating on the room by the time he took all my friends onto his side and started backbitching about me . All i do just ignore him every time but internallly i use to cry as their was no one their to talk with me in whole hostel . Moving fast - forward at exam time i am good in studies so everyone start coming upto me and starts a buch of questioning on me .Suddenly he came and I saw him a great change on his behaviour he started be polite and used to help me and do what i want so i my case it was my intellegence which help me to make a comprimise with my roomie.

[@kalyanichaudhari5215]

Very Very helpful di plz make vedio on how to remove toxic peple from life without feeling guilty

[@AdeteDahiya]

Done. Noted

[@faizannezami7696]

Came from your Insta. Lets see whats the hype about.☺️🤞

[@amuljoshi6101]

True

[@azkatahir7223]

Hey Adete, ur content is just lit !🌠 May you kindly make a video on how to set boundaries specifically with the "opposite gender". The ones who r there in ur work space, nd u don't wanna miss fun just bcz they'll miss-interpret ur lively nature, but at the same time, u don't wanna be troubled by them bcz of "u being being just u"....kindlyyy???

[@azkatahir7223]

@@ZoldicsDiaries hey, hold on....I asked for a completely diff thing.... Read carefully before replying to the cmmnt. Plus, watch the entire video before forming an opinion.

[@AdeteDahiya]

This is a wonderful idea. Noted :)

[@prashantchoudhary6073]

Negotiable boundary 🫡

[@tasmiyaattar]

U look more beautiful when you talk in hindi❤😊

[@user-jj4qy7vw3h]

Hmare liye ek bar hindi video plz😊

[@MohitGupta-es3dc]

Your newsletter link is not working

[@sakshichadha2893]

I've learned this art as my friends always calling me out for clubs and parties but I don't do any smoking, drinking nothing so I say no to them I've set my limits also whenever my relatives call me for any work for eg they call me out for doing their make-up or whatever why would I do it for free i value my time so I don't do anything for free so that's how I've set my boundaries and I don't have any expectations from anyone also.

[@Youdont_tellmewhatodo]

Then what do you say to them? .. *aee pls mere ye kaam krde pls pls* Thdn u say no Then say " mere liye bhi nhi" etc etc Just tell me how do you refuse to ur friends n family

[@sakshichadha2893]

@@Youdont_tellmewhatodo i don't pick their phone 🤙 so now they know that if they'll call me I'm not gonna answer so they stopped calling me now and I don't ask for any help from anyone I am responsible for my work I do it by myself learn to be independent and capable of doing your own work and I feel my time is not free that is very important thing which I keep in my mind that if they want my time they have to pay for it my time is valuable

[@Aluavie]

one of my best utuber✌️🙏🙏🙏

[@xtxo]

is your name a"date" or aditi? because on google it says former but haven't heard of such name in hindi

[@SoniyaSony03]

It's not that Easier as you think

[@kalyanichaudhari5215]

💖💖💖

[@mishelathauda2677]

Could you please make this video in English? 😊

[@bliss3791]

Wonderful video, thank you for your insight! Also can you please block zoldicdiaries in the comments, she is reinforcing that unneeded guilt in people basically wanting to stand up for themselves.

[@AdeteDahiya]

Done...thanks for notifying.

[@aaiyush_prasad]

didi mujhe aabhi 3rd year mai jaake ye vedio dkh ke smjh aaya , ye sb kya hota hai😮‍💨

[@sarthaksrivastava9025]

You're extremely beautiful from within ❤

[@abhirati]

They will take setting boundaries as "rudeness" for no reason lol

[@mdg767]

Pls dont add background music

[@Ira.1]

Yes it's really distracting

[@ivymathew8871]

​@ZoldicsDiaries setting boundaries is crucial to any type of relationship and its not a western thing 🙄

[@ivymathew8871]

​@@ZoldicsDiaries also the shit you said about parents being the first priority is completely insane like why do I have to repay some debt I have never asked for?? Utter nonsense

[@ivymathew8871]

@ZoldicsDiaries who are you to assume that ungrateful and ill mannered I'm none of that in fact I'm very grateful to my parents in some parts of my life but I cannot sincerely love them since they don't respect my boundaries. I know for a fact that those UPSC girls you mentioned have those parents that they mutually respect them and respect their boundaries otherwise instinctively they wouldn't mention them. I have friend like those girls and she utterly loves her mom because she set has those boundaries.

[@ivymathew8871]

@@ZoldicsDiaries do your research on boundaries and it's positive effects on parent and child relationship. Its never about complaining it's about setting up how far someone can be involved in someonelse's life.

[@Aluavie]

god bless u

[@AdeteDahiya]

🙏🙏 thank you

[@luckydude3764]

@@AdeteDahiya how often do u consume dahi

[@Aluavie]

@@AdeteDahiya malak khushiya and tarakki de aapko

[@gowthamanjaiganesh3210]

Every Indian is still living with their parents until they get married like seriously why? You should start to live alone after you get a job. You should enforce boundaries with everyone including your parents coz at the end you sould prioritize yourself. I just wish I was born as a westerner as it is an individualistic society. Individualistic society>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Collectivist Indian society. I just want to learn this.

[@user-ok6oi1hi4f]

No after marrage they also stay for hall life with wife and children also 😂

[@dolidevdutt5530]

Haa completely agree with u but agar yhi baat koi apne parents ko ya society ko bole toh aadhe se jyada log bologe ki aajkal ke bacho ko toh apni hi padi hai dusro ka khayal nhi hai blah blah ....but what u said is completely correct

[@dolidevdutt5530]

​@@user-ok6oi1hi4f that kind of people are literally big babies

[@user-ok6oi1hi4f]

@@dolidevdutt5530 Right and there parents' specially mom don't want that her child raise and become a man.

[@AakashDev-24]

lmao thats why most depressed are in individualistic society.

[@Aniways-wq7sp]

Mujhe toh wase bhi family members selfish kahate hai so I don't face that difficulty setting boundaries...

[@strangerfun7949]

sis, there is no boundaries in male friendship, We are one in different body🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[@maninmiddle]

I Can Some Creepy Thoughts By Telepathy , My Auro Is Strong ...{Just Kidding}

[@Tejas25988]

Hum boundaries ki karte hai to hume property se nikalne ki hoti hai

[@chishtiswaleha9828]

I totally understand the pressure, even I have gone through this many times.... But human relations is what our soul craves a lot.... I have observed this when I met people I feel relaxed.... Physical work ovio increases but mentally it help a lot..... Dont make yourself available to be used but at the same don't loose on relationships..... Talking about Indian obsession about every single thing followed in West, individual life style has thrown them into very sever mental health problems..... So everything done in west is not ideal.......

[@--xx--5800]

But how to stop myself from being used by my friends still maintaining the friendship?? I don't know how to do that 😢 I have a soft and calm personality. I can't shout or quarrel or use slang. And I've observed whenever I try to make friends, I can't fake also, can't tell a lot of lies, so within a few days people get my personality and start to make irrational demands & requests to me, then either I have to fulfill their irrational demands or else if I try to say "No" I have observed that the friendship doesn't remain any more. I want to be social, I want to make friends in class. But how to maintain friendship still maintaining your own boundary being a calm & shy kind of person ?? Please reply me 🙏🙏

[@chishtiswaleha9828]

Learn to say no in a diplomatic way

[@--xx--5800]

@@chishtiswaleha9828 how to say that? Can you please give any example ?

[@anonymouswanderer571]

How can I convince my parents to have an interfaith marriage with my 6 year long relationship with my bf it's a Hindu and Muslim marriage. Please suggest some points

[@Romanticfeel.]

You are best and pls don't say bhai😂

[@mohdfarzankhan991]

you are very attractive

[@SM-dy9om]

Mad

[@rohangoyal1930]

Mam, In which District do you live. I don't wanna stalk you. . It's just, you have gone through, what I'm Going through. So, You may prove Helpful.

[@viscom999]

Hum haryanvi dosto ko bhi bhaga diya apne

[@lakshay...2794]

Aapko Hindi aati h? , hinglish mein video bnaya Karo pls didi

[@sakshichadha2893]

Darwaza kyu bnd kr dia 😂 Mai kafi salo se ye chij practice ki hui hai ab sabko habit h or sabko pta h ki mere room Mai andr se bnd kr k hi rehti hu I like my space if you want to enter into my energy my space you have to knock the door and if I really do not want to meet you I'll act like I'm sleeping so ok plz go away 😂

[@abhiwagh2312]

What if your personal boundaries are crossing the boundaries set within the family. Lets say family has rules like no outings, parties and getting home by 7 and your boundaries are like' ma life ma rules '. Would you compromise or be like idgaf and just be an annoyance for no reason at all.